0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains some scenes of a sexual nature.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Thank you.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03# This thing, called love
0:01:03 > 0:01:07# I just can't handle it
0:01:07 > 0:01:09# This thing called love
0:01:09 > 0:01:13# I must get round to it
0:01:13 > 0:01:15# I ain't ready!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17# Crazy little thing called love
0:01:19 > 0:01:22# This thing called love
0:01:22 > 0:01:26# It cries in the cradle all night
0:01:26 > 0:01:27# It swings
0:01:27 > 0:01:29# It jives
0:01:29 > 0:01:32# Shakes all over like a jellyfish
0:01:32 > 0:01:34# I kinda like it!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37# Crazy little thing called love
0:01:37 > 0:01:38# There goes my baby
0:01:42 > 0:01:44# She knows how to rock and roll
0:01:44 > 0:01:46# She drives me crazy
0:01:46 > 0:01:49# She gives me hot and cold fever
0:01:49 > 0:01:52# She leaves me in a cold, cold sweat
0:01:57 > 0:02:01# I gotta be cool, relax, get hip
0:02:01 > 0:02:03# Get on my tracks
0:02:03 > 0:02:05# Take a backseat, hitch-hike
0:02:07 > 0:02:09# Take a long ride on my motorbike
0:02:09 > 0:02:11# Until I'm ready
0:02:11 > 0:02:14# Crazy little thing called love... #
0:02:19 > 0:02:21No! Eh?
0:02:23 > 0:02:24When?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31# Yeah!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35# I've gotta be cool
0:02:35 > 0:02:38# Relax, get hip
0:02:38 > 0:02:40# Get on my tracks
0:02:40 > 0:02:43# Take a backseat, hitch-hike
0:02:43 > 0:02:48# Take a long ride on my motorbike Until I'm ready!
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- # Crazy little thing called love - Whoah!
0:02:53 > 0:02:55# This thing, called love
0:02:55 > 0:02:59# I just can't handle it
0:02:59 > 0:03:02# This thing, called love
0:03:02 > 0:03:07# I must get round to it I ain't ready!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09# Crazy little thing called love
0:03:09 > 0:03:14# Ah, ah, ah! Crazy little thing called love
0:03:14 > 0:03:16# Crazy little thing called love
0:03:16 > 0:03:19# Crazy little thing called love
0:03:19 > 0:03:22# Crazy little thing called love. #
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- God bless you.- Thank you so much.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29No, thank you for giving me the privilege of blessing your love.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Eh, good lad. Bless you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:37- Peace be with you.- Thank you, Father. - Oh, no, just Reverend, not Father.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Eh, unless you know something I don't.
0:03:39 > 0:03:45I did used to plough the fields and scatter a fair bit before I was saved.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Your intended's cutting it a bit fine, isn't he, love? Elvis theme?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Country and Western.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58What, no guests?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Oh, he's English blue-blood. His family don't approve.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Well, I've got a pair of lesbian bikers getting hitched at 12.30.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06You don't want that lot turning ugly.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Let's face it, honey, they've got a head start on the rest of us.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12That's right.
0:04:15 > 0:04:20- Well, are you sure you didn't arrange to meet him outside?- I checked. He said he'd be early this time.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25- This time?- Well, we had a bit of a misunderstanding last July.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28He wasn't quite as divorced as he made out.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32You know, it's always the red tape that trips you up in this country.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37They always turn up in the end though, don't they?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Well, he'd be a fool not to. Look at you. You're a walking temptation.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47They should write a Commandment just about you!
0:04:49 > 0:04:53- How's my little Freya?- I'll get this to the bank before they close.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Oh, The Lord provides top dollar for the righteous, hey, love?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59That's my daughter, Shyanne.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Very money-minded, tight as a fat girl's shoe, to be honest.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05She's gets it from my ex-wife.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09Erm... I'm not fussy about cast-offs if Ripley's bagsied you first round.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I didn't get any of that, I'm afraid.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Oh, take no notice of Billy, love. He's not right in the head.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21As a small child he had an accident with a Stylophone.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25But the Good Lord saw fit to give him the gift of music by way of compensation, didn't he?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29Here you are, Billy. Why don't you go and buy yourself some sweets?
0:05:35 > 0:05:39- I didn't know they had places like this in England.- Oh, just the one.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43I can provide everything from the Chapel to the Rose Corsage.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- Every last detail, even down to the Bride's Garter. - It's just about perfect.
0:05:48 > 0:05:54I saw the light when I was out in Vegas, where God rewards the rich and the rich reward God.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Now that's a religion I can understand.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Oh, well, there you are. You see, we were both wrong.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04- Oh, well, he's no oil painting but each to his own.- This is not him.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Very funny, Ripley. - Bad timing, Tommy. I've got company.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Now this is my good friend, Thomas Vesty, and this is?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Miss Kitty De-Luxe.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15American Beast Car Emporium.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Blackpool's Number One SUV Outlet.
0:06:19 > 0:06:24Let's not dribble all over the seat, shall we? Let's aim straight for the pan. Where is it?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Well, I'm hardly going to pick it up on the day of the funeral!
0:06:27 > 0:06:33You're always telling me you're a man of razor sharp decision, one of natures natural thrusters.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Let's just say that Miss De Luxe has got a competitive advantage.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41I'm after a woman too, Rev, a woman as capricious and elusive as any of the great beauties.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45Helen of Troy, Marilyn Monroe... Moira Stewart.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49They only barbecued him this morning. Have a bit of respect!
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- Is this you asking for a deposit? - Well, it wouldn't hurt.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01I'll see you down the Emporium, tomorrow PM.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07What it is to be popular, hey?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10I wouldn't exactly know right now.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Oh, hey, I didn't mean it like that.
0:07:12 > 0:07:18Look, I tell you what, I'll rattle through the nuptials of dykes on bikes
0:07:18 > 0:07:21and I'll take you for a drink, eh? Help soften the blow.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Strange we never bumped into each other in Vegas.
0:07:29 > 0:07:35- I was in Fairy Tale Follies On Ice at the Flamingo Showroom for two years.- You're an ice skater?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Ice dancer. Though I like to think of it as the People's Ballet.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Oh, thanks.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49Nice fellow that. He saw the buttonholes, thought that we'd got hitched.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Oh, I'm sorry.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I've done it again, haven't I?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59You know, I've got a gob like a monk's Y-fronts.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03It's OK. It's not just the wedding. It's all my plans.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07I guess Paradise Lost on Ice will just have to wait.
0:08:07 > 0:08:15- What's that?- My ice show. The first half is all about sin and in the second half everyone gets saved.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18It's got sex, it's got religion, it's got skating.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20I figured I've pretty much got all the bases covered.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Hey, well, tell you what, I'll buy a ticket right now, eh?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Oh, that's real sweet of you, honey, but it isn't going to happen.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31My husband-to-be was gonna bankroll it. It's how he got me over here,
0:08:31 > 0:08:36but I would have come anyway. I have a weakness for English men.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Well, that's a happy coincidence.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Why? Have you got a weakness for English men too?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Oh, hey, come on.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Do I look like I'm good with colours?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51You never can tell these days - you being in the Church and all.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55And when I think a guy's hot he usually turns out to be gay.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05So, did you keep any of your ice dancing outfits?
0:09:05 > 0:09:11Oh! Just Little Bo Peep from Fairy Tale Follies and I kept my nurse's outfit from ER Winter Wonderland.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Nurse's outfit?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Oh, it's not a real nurse's outfit.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21It's PVC and it's got a detachable skirt for the Resus Finale.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- Well...- Oi!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- This better be very good, mate. - Steve Pollard, Triple A Sport.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- Management, Representation, Publicity.- Reverend Ripley Holden.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Little Bispham Chapel of Christ the Economist AKA The Chapel of Love.
0:09:34 > 0:09:39Yeah, I know who you are. Tommy the motor has been shooting his mouth off...
0:09:39 > 0:09:43again. And he tells me that you know the whereabouts of a certain item.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Tommy the motor's got there first.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50- I've accepted his offer, all right? - Steve Pollard does not take "No" for an answer.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Do you know what "No" is? "No" is a door begging to be pushed.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Well, in this case it's a door marked exit.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58I'm sorry, but I've got very old fashioned values. Me and Moses.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Fair play.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02'nuff said. Respect.
0:10:02 > 0:10:07What the good Reverend is trying to say is that he's already accepted a cash deposit from Tommy Motor.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- Hey, hang on. - How much?- £5,000.
0:10:09 > 0:10:15Well, I could bend 10 grand your way right now. No problem.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Well, business is business, isn't it?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21Don't want to get too sentimental over a handshake with a second-hand car salesman.
0:10:21 > 0:10:27There's another 100 grand cash if you can get said item to me by midnight tonight.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33No. Can't be done, I'm afraid.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Take it or leave it.
0:10:35 > 0:10:42Come here a minute. Listen, I've got a woman cooking on a low-light here, you know what I'm saying?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Phone, text, e-mail before 12.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48All the same to me, I'm Blackberried up.
0:10:52 > 0:10:58- I know what you're thinking. - What am I thinking?- You're thinking, "No woman can be worth £100,000."
0:10:58 > 0:11:00But I'm thinking if any woman is, it's probably you.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03You might just be right there, honey.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07I've got an American luxury travel trailer parked up behind the chapel.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09You get your things, and you make yourself at home.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I'll see you there in a couple of hours, eh?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Why should I miss my honeymoon just because my groom never showed?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- I'll give you a seeing to that'll have you speaking in tongues! - You'd better...Reverend.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Mrs Berry?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24How are you doing? I'm Ripley Holden. We met at your Patrick's funeral.
0:12:24 > 0:12:30Patrick never mentioned that he had a friend who was a man of the cloth.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Well, I wasn't a man of the cloth then.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36In fact, I could have taught Satan a thing or two about sin.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Oh, that explains how you knew Patrick.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42Me and him, we ran a Blackpool style arcade together in Vegas, you know.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Little corner of England, it was. - That sounds lovely.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48In fact that's what they called us - The Little Englanders.
0:12:48 > 0:12:53Barry Manilow first thought that up when he was playing Caesars Palace.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55You were friends with Barry Manilow?
0:12:55 > 0:13:00I wouldn't say "friend" exactly. It were Patrick he took more of a shine to.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06I don't know why he had to come back and end up in a...
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Hey, hey, hey, hey.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13A man's life story can't be told by listing the mistakes he made and the pain he suffered.
0:13:13 > 0:13:19I should know, I've had more pain in my life than a cobbler with Parkinson's.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23You know what?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25I'd like you to have some of his things.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30Take something to remind you of him. A little keepsake.
0:13:30 > 0:13:36You know, it's funny you should mention that because there was something he said I'd appreciate.
0:13:36 > 0:13:42Everything he had is under this roof, and you're welcome to it.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- Don't hold back if there's anything you fancy.- I won't.
0:13:53 > 0:13:58It's like he's left a little part of himself behind, isn't it?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Yeah. It certainly is.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07- Would you like to see him now?- Who?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Patrick.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26The Golden Lady.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28That's what he used to call it too.
0:14:28 > 0:14:34It was always one of his favourites so I thought it would be nice if they were together for all eternity.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38How do you mean?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Well, you sure this is all of him?
0:14:55 > 0:14:58- Cos he was a big lad, wasn't he? - Oh, no, no.
0:14:58 > 0:15:03I took a flask of him down to Wembley and sprinkled him in the cement mixer.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06That's what he would've wanted.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Supernatural traction on this damsel.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43Designed for the Gulf War, so you need a bit of purchase when you've got angry Arabs on your tail.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Took her for a test drive on Southport Sands last week.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Came home, found three kiddies stuck to the bull bar.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51Didn't even know I'd hit them.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- Got a bit of a Wonderbra situation, Tommy.- What?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Seems I had more on display than I can deliver.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Don't tell me it's gone!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02No, worse than that.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04His mother has put his ashes in it.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11Does the phrase 'Once in a Lifetime' mean nothing to you, Ripley?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Yeah, I usually use it when I'm about to lie to somebody.
0:16:14 > 0:16:19I'm going to show you something nobody has ever seen before,
0:16:19 > 0:16:21not even the wife.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Last time a bloke said that to me was in a public toilet in Cleveleys.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39England 1966.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42We are the proud hosts of the World Cup.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45But we invented It's A Knockout.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50We're never happier than when we're making ourselves a laughing stock.
0:16:50 > 0:16:55The priceless World Cup trophy was put on display in Westminster Hall...and stolen.
0:16:55 > 0:17:03Only to be mysteriously found seven days later under a bush by Pickles the Dog.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08Why go to the trouble of stealing the World Cup and then dumping it?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Answer - it never happened.- Look, is this going to take long?
0:17:11 > 0:17:15The FA panicked when the trophy was stolen and cast a replica straight away.
0:17:15 > 0:17:20It was hidden under a bush and unearthed by our intrepid
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Border Collie who for all we know, was in on the scam.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Yeah, I've heard they're a very intelligent breed.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Nobby Stiles dancing.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32And what is he clutching?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35The Jules Rimet trophy.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Behold!
0:17:37 > 0:17:39Her magnificent bosom, Reverend.
0:17:39 > 0:17:44In 1966 they match front and back.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47- A 'D' Cup, wouldn't you say? - Yeah, she's stacked..
0:17:47 > 0:17:53- I've got a real pair waiting for me back at the trailer...- Yet four years earlier in 1962 in Chile,
0:17:53 > 0:17:56we have the real World Cup.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59D Cup at the front,
0:17:59 > 0:18:02A Cup at the back.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Hey.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Like Jordan and Kate Moss standing back to back, eh?
0:18:11 > 0:18:16Rubbed flat by generations of international footballers.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24The real World Cup was never found.
0:18:27 > 0:18:34It has been circulating for 40 years amongst the cognoscenti of football memorabilia.
0:18:34 > 0:18:39And somehow it came into the legal possession
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- of a friend of yours. - I don't know about legal.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44He won it cheating at cards in Vegas.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49The finest collection of World Cup memorabilia anywhere in the world.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Don't tell me that's Pickles?
0:19:03 > 0:19:06- Fully certified. - What, you or the dog?
0:19:06 > 0:19:08How long have you had all this stuff?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Built it piece by piece.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13When I get that trophy,
0:19:13 > 0:19:16I will have completion.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- You wouldn't deny a man completion, would you, Ripley?- No.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Not unless I had a better offer.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Better offer? Since when?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26I thought we shook hands on £100,000.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30- A bloke called Pollard's come in with a very attractive bid.- Pollard?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- How does he know about it? - How d'you think?
0:19:33 > 0:19:36You've been shooting your mouth off when you're drunk again, haven't you?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39- I thought we were friends.- We are.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41But I'll get over it.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43All right, all right.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48Let's not tip-toe through the tulips. £120,000 on completion.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- 125.- What makes you think I'll go that high?
0:19:50 > 0:19:54Oh, well, you just showed me what it means to you.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58You strike a hard bargain for a man of God.
0:19:58 > 0:20:04They don't let just anyone graduate from the Las Vegas Church of Christ the Economist, you know.
0:20:04 > 0:20:09# I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
0:20:09 > 0:20:12- # Aha- Aha- Aha- Aha
0:20:12 > 0:20:17# I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- # Oho- Aha- Oho- Aha
0:20:20 > 0:20:22# I'm on my way
0:20:22 > 0:20:24# To what I want from this world
0:20:24 > 0:20:26# And years from now
0:20:26 > 0:20:28# You'll make it to the next world
0:20:28 > 0:20:32# And everything that you receive up yonder
0:20:32 > 0:20:34# Is what you gave
0:20:34 > 0:20:36# To me the day I wander
0:20:36 > 0:20:42# I took a right I took a right turning yesterday
0:20:42 > 0:20:43- # Aha- Aha- Aha- Aha
0:20:43 > 0:20:50I took a right I took a right turning yesterday
0:20:50 > 0:20:52# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:20:52 > 0:20:56# I took the road that took me to your home town
0:20:56 > 0:21:00# I took the bus to streets that I could walk down
0:21:00 > 0:21:04# I walked the streets To find the one I looked for
0:21:04 > 0:21:08# I climbed the stair that led me to your front door
0:21:08 > 0:21:14# And now that I don't want for anything
0:21:15 > 0:21:17# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
0:21:17 > 0:21:22# I'll have Al Jolson sing I'm sitting on top of the world
0:21:25 > 0:21:30- # I'll do my best- I'll do my best - To do the best I can
0:21:30 > 0:21:32- # Aha- Aha- Aha- Aha
0:21:32 > 0:21:35# I'll do my best I'll do my best
0:21:35 > 0:21:37# To do the best I can Ahh!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42# To keep my feet
0:21:42 > 0:21:45# From jumping from the ground, dear
0:21:45 > 0:21:49# To keep my heart from jumping through my mouth, dear
0:21:49 > 0:21:53# To keep the past The past and not the present
0:21:53 > 0:21:55# To try and learn
0:21:55 > 0:21:57# When you teach me a lesson
0:21:57 > 0:22:01# And now that I don't want
0:22:01 > 0:22:06# For anything Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
0:22:06 > 0:22:12# I'll have Al Jolson sing I'm sitting on top of the world
0:22:15 > 0:22:21# I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- # Aha- Aha- Aha- Aha
0:22:23 > 0:22:29# I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
0:22:29 > 0:22:31# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:22:31 > 0:22:35# I'm on my way to what I want from this world
0:22:35 > 0:22:37# And years from now
0:22:37 > 0:22:40# We'll make it to the next world
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# And everything that you received up yonder
0:22:43 > 0:22:48# Is what you gave to me the day I wondered
0:22:48 > 0:22:51# I'm on my way to what I want from this world
0:22:51 > 0:22:56# And years from now, we'll make it to the next world
0:22:56 > 0:22:59# And everything that you received up yonder
0:22:59 > 0:23:05# Is what you gave to me the day I wondered... #
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Oh, I've seen it, Shyanne.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30I have seen the World Cup.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- Is that some sexual slang I don't know about.- No.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37The Jules Rimet Trophy. Just like Patrick said.
0:23:37 > 0:23:41You know, I don't think I ever really believed he had it!
0:23:41 > 0:23:43And I've got two buyers rubbing up against each other.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47It's like watching Dolly Parton trying on T-shirts!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49We are out of this place, love!
0:23:49 > 0:23:53So you get choosing a slide and a swing for Freya cos you're going to have a big garden to fill!
0:23:53 > 0:23:55I like what we've got already.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59I didn't come back from Vegas to live in a caravan in a car park!
0:23:59 > 0:24:02I came back to climb that slag heap we call success, eh?
0:24:02 > 0:24:06A string of Vegas style wedding chapels across the country.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Helicopter Weddings! Outdoor Gazebos!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Love at Lake Windermere.
0:24:10 > 0:24:16Yeah, and I want that too, Dad, but not through some backdoor deals and dodgy World Cups.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20This time next week
0:24:20 > 0:24:23we'll have 125 grand!
0:24:23 > 0:24:27We can open another Chapel in Manchester, and then one in Leeds
0:24:27 > 0:24:30till that Cupid sign is like the MacDonalds' golden arches!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33That was always the plan, Shyanne, and you know it!
0:24:33 > 0:24:38- Don't bail out on me now. - Where does she fit in to the plan?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Oh, I see.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44That's why you're sitting there with a face like Yorkshire, is it?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- Cos I got lucky? - It's not that you got lucky.
0:24:47 > 0:24:51It's who you got lucky with! I mean, she's so...
0:24:51 > 0:24:52obvious!
0:24:54 > 0:24:57I've lived a good life since I got back, Shyanne,
0:24:57 > 0:25:02but I feel like I've done my 40 days in the Wilderness and then some.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Judging by what I've just experienced, ho-ho!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I think somebody up there might just agree with me.
0:25:07 > 0:25:13- Are you talking about God or the bloke who works the lift in Blackpool Tower?- Oh!
0:25:13 > 0:25:16BOTTLES RATTLE Oi!
0:25:16 > 0:25:19Ah, come here!
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- Who are you working for?- It's not Pollard, if that's what you think.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24I didn't mention Pollard.
0:25:24 > 0:25:30- Oh, didn't you?- No harm befalls the righteous, but the wicked shall have their fill of troubles.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33- Yeah. That's what I'm always saying as well.- on your way.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40- What are you looking at me like that for?- Just a coincidence, was it?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42You start going dodgy, now we've got heavies hanging round outside.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Heavies? I don't think we've got anything to worry about with that bloke.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49I've had curries that are more dangerous.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01You don't want your toast? No?
0:26:03 > 0:26:05She go to school at all?
0:26:05 > 0:26:10She's only two so I thought it might be a bit early.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- You got any children yourself, Kitty?- Me? Hell, no.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17In my line of work I need to keep my pelvic floor right where it is.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19What line of work would that be?
0:26:19 > 0:26:24Wooh-ho! They'll be no sharing teabags when I get my hands on that World Cup, eh?
0:26:24 > 0:26:31What are you going to do with his ashes? Tip 'em into the nearest ashtray?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I hadn't thought that far ahead.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Maybe it just wasn't supposed to happen, Dad.
0:26:35 > 0:26:40I mean, Patrick was a 60 a day man, but I don't think he wants to spend eternity with spent matches.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Oh, you're a good man. Anybody can see that.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46I'm a lucky man. I can see that.
0:26:46 > 0:26:50Granddad's a lucky man, isn't he, sweetheart, eh?
0:26:50 > 0:26:53Yeah? He's got you for a start, hasn't he?
0:26:53 > 0:26:57I'll bet your best friend Patrick thought you were a good man, too.
0:26:57 > 0:27:02Oh, poor you, baby. I can see it's a real heart churner for you.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06- It is, I don't mind telling you. - Business is booming.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08It's like I keep saying, we don't need anything crooked.
0:27:10 > 0:27:15But...the mother's an old lady. How fast can she be on her feet?
0:27:15 > 0:27:18I thought you were the soft-hearted type.
0:27:18 > 0:27:24A woman's allowed to cry when she gets ditched at the altar, darlin', that's about the only time.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27You've not forgotten our 10.30, have you? Blue Hawaii.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31The real business where people pay us real money and nobody gets hurt?
0:27:31 > 0:27:32No, no, course. Give us...
0:27:32 > 0:27:35give us five minutes, will ya?
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Come on, let's leave Granddad to it.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44- I'll see you later.- Mmm...
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- Maybe we can go out somewhere.- Yeah.
0:27:47 > 0:27:52Yeah, we can. We can go anywhere. Go anywhere at all, eh?
0:27:52 > 0:27:54This isn't exactly what I had in mind.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Ahh.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- Eh-up!- Hey-hey!
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Ripley Holden, as I live and breathe.
0:28:06 > 0:28:10Crazy Eddie, a walking advert for care in the community.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13- You don't change.- Well, neither do you. Oh, how's the wife?
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Hey. Never better. Once you've dated blow up, you never go back.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18Why would you?
0:28:18 > 0:28:23So what are you after? Matching wedding thongs, novelty willy warmers?
0:28:23 > 0:28:27Well, actually, I was wondering what you had on a...
0:28:27 > 0:28:29on a World Cup theme.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Couldn't be simpler.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36You go in, you distract her, you make the switch.
0:28:36 > 0:28:41Mrs Berry's got the replica, you've got the real World Cup.
0:28:41 > 0:28:42We're rich.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45And our souls are hanging over the fiery pits of hell.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48You are doing her a favour, Ripley.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50God would understand that.
0:28:50 > 0:28:55Would he? Cos I'm not familiar with the Parable of Fleecing the Old Lady.
0:28:55 > 0:28:58Do you trust me, baby?
0:28:58 > 0:29:00Of course I trust you.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03I wouldn't be sitting outside her house if I didn't trust you, would I?
0:29:03 > 0:29:06Then trust me on this.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10Sooner or later somebody with a harder heart than yours is going to track down the real World Cup.
0:29:10 > 0:29:13When they do, Mrs Berry's gonna get hurt.
0:29:13 > 0:29:17Seems to me like God is telling you to do it.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21How come you always know the right thing to say?
0:29:26 > 0:29:31- Think about what you'll get when you come out.- Hey, come on.
0:29:31 > 0:29:34I can hardly walk as it is. It's like a diamond cutter down there.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52He's gone out.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Oh.
0:29:56 > 0:30:01- It's got a special glow, hasn't it? - It has indeed.
0:30:01 > 0:30:07- It's as though Patrick was inside, smiling down at us.- Laughing, even.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12The... The reason I came to see you, Mrs Berry...
0:30:12 > 0:30:16You don't need a reason to come here.
0:30:16 > 0:30:20- I feel like you're part of the family.- Oh, that's great, isn't it?
0:30:20 > 0:30:24It's just, the thing is... there was something Patrick had that I thought that...
0:30:24 > 0:30:25Oh, it wasn't those girly magazines, Reverend?
0:30:25 > 0:30:29- Because I've given them to the Oxfam shop.- No, no.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31It wasn't the girly magazines.
0:30:31 > 0:30:35- It's just the thing is.. - Oh, what am I thinking of!- What?
0:30:35 > 0:30:38- I haven't even offered you a cup of tea.- Oh, that's all right.
0:30:38 > 0:30:40No, it's not. Oh!
0:30:40 > 0:30:44It's so lovely to have a man about the place again.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Let me just put the kettle on.
0:30:46 > 0:30:49I've got three iced buns I've been keeping for a special occasion.
0:30:54 > 0:30:58It's funny you mentioning our Patrick getting on with Barry Manilow.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Oh, yeah, yeah. Like brothers they were, him and Bazzer.
0:31:00 > 0:31:05Because he had a guinea pig called Mandy when he was a lad.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08Yeah, yeah, I think he mentioned that.
0:31:08 > 0:31:10Do you take sugar?
0:31:10 > 0:31:12I can't remember.
0:31:13 > 0:31:17I just wanted to give him a last hug goodbye.
0:31:18 > 0:31:22They broke the mould when they made you, Reverend.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34Give me your mobile number and I'll ring you when he comes back.
0:31:34 > 0:31:38- Are you taking the mickey?- Duh!
0:31:38 > 0:31:39So you're the missus, then.
0:31:39 > 0:31:43I'm the daughter. That's why we're in separate caravans.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Oh...right.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- Between you and me, I'm not really cut out for this.- You don't say.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57Mr Pollard says he could swing me a trial with Stockport County.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01- It's best to keep in with him, run errands and that.- Spy on me dad.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05Do you think I've blown me cover?
0:32:08 > 0:32:11- Got a lovely little girl.- Yeah.
0:32:11 > 0:32:15Yeah, she is.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17Would you like a cup of tea?
0:32:18 > 0:32:20Yeah.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- That'd be nice.- Come on, then.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Is your mum still alive, Reverend?
0:32:33 > 0:32:36No, no. She passed away a long time ago.
0:32:36 > 0:32:37Oh.
0:32:37 > 0:32:43She never really recovered from Elvis's death, to be honest.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45Well, who has?
0:32:47 > 0:32:51Maybe you came into my life for a reason, Reverend.
0:32:51 > 0:32:53You know, I'm sure I did.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55And I was thinking...
0:32:55 > 0:32:57Yeah?
0:32:57 > 0:33:02Would it be...would you do me the honour of praying with me?
0:33:03 > 0:33:05Praying?
0:33:06 > 0:33:09Ready when you are, Reverend.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12I, er...
0:33:12 > 0:33:15I'd like to start with a period of hush and contemplation.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18Oh, yes. Of course.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26Lord....
0:33:29 > 0:33:30Let us be thankful
0:33:30 > 0:33:34for the little things in life.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40For the chances
0:33:40 > 0:33:42that you send our way.
0:33:42 > 0:33:46For wasn't it you who said,
0:33:46 > 0:33:48"a good tree
0:33:48 > 0:33:52"cannot bear bad fruit?"
0:33:52 > 0:34:00And thank you, Lord, for sending the Reverend Ripley Holden into my life.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03I lost one son
0:34:03 > 0:34:06but in your wisdom
0:34:06 > 0:34:08you have sent me another.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12And he's a blessing...
0:34:12 > 0:34:14a real blessing.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19Amen to that.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30I'm sorry,
0:34:30 > 0:34:31I couldn't make the switch.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Oh... Fine.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Hey! You can't walk in those heels.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40I'll take my chances!
0:34:40 > 0:34:42Well, I'll see you later then, eh?
0:34:43 > 0:34:48Steve Pollard can't play football, but he'll walk through brick walls for anybody who does.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52I expect the same prerogative, so to speak, to be expressed by and from my clients.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56I can progress his career in such a way that it will only move forward.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58- Not the reverse, only move...- Oi!
0:34:58 > 0:34:59I need a word. Now.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01Excuse me.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04- Deal's off.- How much has Tommy the Motor offered?
0:35:04 > 0:35:06- MOBILE TWEETS - Gary! 25% of netto.
0:35:06 > 0:35:09Whoah! Won't budge, my friend.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13I've just left Tommy in floods of tears clutching a KFC Family Bucket,
0:35:13 > 0:35:16and I told him what I'm telling you. It can't be done.
0:35:16 > 0:35:18I'll cut you in on a slice of this young man.
0:35:18 > 0:35:2050% of image rights and merchandising.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23- Now is that a square ball? - What, with a face like that?
0:35:23 > 0:35:25- He's hardly David Beckham. - I've had an approach from Nike.
0:35:25 > 0:35:28To sponsor the bag to go over his head? MOBILE CHIMES
0:35:28 > 0:35:32Gary? Yeah. I've never seen a kid this good, this age.
0:35:32 > 0:35:35Shot on him like a German porn star. How much has Vesty offered you?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38I can't get you the World Cup.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41150,000? Is that it? 150K?
0:35:41 > 0:35:45Hm? The full Rio? Gary, look, I've got OK Magazine chasing after me, I'll call you back.
0:35:45 > 0:35:49I don't want anything! You can offer me what you like, it doesn't make any difference!
0:35:49 > 0:35:52Why do you think they want me as their agent, eh?
0:35:52 > 0:35:55Because Steve Pollard can squeeze the impossible out of a tube.
0:35:55 > 0:35:58Jules Rimet in my safe? That's my calling card.
0:35:58 > 0:36:02That says the impossible is what I do, every kid with talent is gonna sign with me,
0:36:02 > 0:36:07- that says I can get anything I want and whatever I want...- You can squeeze out a tube, you told me.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09So, exactly. 200K it is then.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11Look, I haven't got it!
0:36:11 > 0:36:13200K says you have. There you are.
0:36:13 > 0:36:18- Sean! Yeah, how do you fancy having a topless sushi bar?- It's over.
0:36:18 > 0:36:22Over?! That's when Steve Pollard opens negotiations.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25Sean? I'll call you back. Bonsai trees, Japanese market...
0:36:30 > 0:36:34- I couldn't do it. She trusted me, eh? - I thought we were going on an adventure!
0:36:34 > 0:36:38Going to take all the ups and downs that came our way!
0:36:38 > 0:36:40You make it sound like Alton Towers!
0:36:40 > 0:36:44This was robbing an old lady! It would have been like robbing my own mum.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47And I never used to like to do that at the best of times.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50The trophy's yours. Patrick Barry said it was yours when he died.
0:36:50 > 0:36:53That's not what he said word for word exactly, you know.
0:36:53 > 0:36:55I thought we understood each other.
0:36:55 > 0:37:01- We do!- No, we don't. And the best thing for both of us is if I go and you stay here in a trailer.
0:37:01 > 0:37:05I've seen the inside of enough trailers growing up in Nebraska!
0:37:05 > 0:37:09- You can't go.- Give me one good reason why not.- What about the ice show?
0:37:09 > 0:37:14- There isn't going to be any ice show!- But I've found you an ice rink!
0:37:14 > 0:37:17What?
0:37:20 > 0:37:21I've found you an ice rink.
0:37:24 > 0:37:27You bought me an ice rink?
0:37:27 > 0:37:29I've made enquiries.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32You'd buy me an ice rink?
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Oh, Ripley.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39Ripley, I can't believe I ever doubted you.
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Wow! Ripley!
0:38:01 > 0:38:04- Do you like it?- I love it.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06Are you sure you can afford this?
0:38:06 > 0:38:12Well, you know, if Paradise Lost on Ice is half as good as it sounds I'll be making it back tenfold, won't I?
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Oh, your gonna love it, baby.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17When all the sinners get saved, but...and this is the best bit...
0:38:17 > 0:38:20not by one faith, but by all the faiths!
0:38:20 > 0:38:26You know, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewishism, that one with the wristbands that Madonna does.
0:38:26 > 0:38:29Brilliant! You know, it's classy, but it's not too classy.
0:38:29 > 0:38:33It's so multi-cultural, you're probably entitled to a grant!
0:38:33 > 0:38:38- Thank you.- Well, like I said, I'm only doing it cos it's good investment.
0:38:38 > 0:38:44That's right. Even after you've paid for the lights and the costumes and the choreography.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46Even then, yeah.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Are you sure you know what you're doing?
0:38:53 > 0:38:56Only have to look at you and I'm sure.
0:39:00 > 0:39:04# I don't know what it is that makes me love you so
0:39:04 > 0:39:07# I only know I never want to let you go
0:39:07 > 0:39:11# Cos you started something, oh, can't you see?
0:39:11 > 0:39:14# That ever since we've met you've had a hold on me
0:39:14 > 0:39:18# It happens to be true
0:39:18 > 0:39:21# I only want to be with you
0:39:21 > 0:39:25# It doesn't matter where you go or what you do
0:39:25 > 0:39:29# I wanna spend each moment of the day with you
0:39:29 > 0:39:33# Oh, look what has happened with just one kiss
0:39:33 > 0:39:36# I never knew that I could be in love like this
0:39:36 > 0:39:40# It's crazy but it's true
0:39:40 > 0:39:44# I only want to be with you
0:39:44 > 0:39:51# You stopped and smiled at me Asked if I'd care to dance
0:39:51 > 0:39:57# I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance
0:39:57 > 0:40:01# Now listen honey I just wanna be beside you everywhere
0:40:01 > 0:40:05# As long as we're together honey I don't care
0:40:05 > 0:40:09# Cos you started something Oh, can't you see?
0:40:09 > 0:40:13# That ever since we've met you've had a hold on me
0:40:13 > 0:40:16# No matter what you do
0:40:16 > 0:40:20# I only want to be with you
0:40:20 > 0:40:23# You stopped and smiled at me
0:40:23 > 0:40:27# Asked me if I'd care to dance
0:40:27 > 0:40:33# I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance
0:40:33 > 0:40:38# Now hear me tell you, I just want to be beside you everywhere
0:40:38 > 0:40:41# As long as we're together honey I don't care
0:40:41 > 0:40:45# Cos you started something Oh, can't you see?
0:40:45 > 0:40:49# That ever since we met you've had a hold on me
0:40:49 > 0:40:52# No matter what you do
0:40:52 > 0:40:56# I only want to be with you
0:40:56 > 0:40:59# I said, no matter no matter what you do
0:40:59 > 0:41:02# I only want to be with you! #
0:41:05 > 0:41:07An ice rink?
0:41:07 > 0:41:09How are we going to pay for an ice rink?
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Oh, there's loads of ways of raising money for a show, isn't there?
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Your father's very inventive, honey.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17- I can testify to that! - Too much information, thanks.
0:41:17 > 0:41:21- Can we stick to the subject?- Every now and again a business opportunity comes along, doesn't it?
0:41:21 > 0:41:27The World Wide Web, Dysons Vacuums, oh, those tea towel holders that look like cats' arses.
0:41:27 > 0:41:31And grubby little ice shows with dancing girls. Yeah, I think I'm seeing it now.
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Nothing grubby about my ice show, Shyanne.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36- More class than an English tea room. - Yeah?
0:41:36 > 0:41:40A tea room that tries to pass a stale muffin off as fresh baked.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44So I take it stealing the World Cup's back on the agenda to pay for it then.
0:41:44 > 0:41:48Who's talking about stealing the World Cup? You can get that thought out of you're head!
0:41:58 > 0:42:00What do you want from him? Eh?
0:42:00 > 0:42:02Same as he wants from me.
0:42:02 > 0:42:06Some good times and some good loving.
0:42:06 > 0:42:09- What do you want from him? - He's my Dad.
0:42:09 > 0:42:16So that gives you the right to question every little bit of happiness he gets for himself, huh?
0:42:16 > 0:42:18Whooh! Look at you!
0:42:18 > 0:42:21Don't you just look like Lord Charles Dickens!
0:42:21 > 0:42:23So cute.
0:42:38 > 0:42:42If you're looking for the donkey rides, they lock 'em up in winter.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44Save it for the End of the Pier.
0:42:47 > 0:42:50You see this smile on my face, Shyanne?
0:42:50 > 0:42:51She put it there.
0:42:51 > 0:42:56- Did she put the ring through your nose as well?- She makes me happy.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59So can you just try and be nice to her?
0:42:59 > 0:43:01- Like you would if the boot was on the other foot.- That's right.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03Oh, yeah, I'd like to see that!
0:43:03 > 0:43:05Shyanne.
0:43:05 > 0:43:09If a lad came into your life and made you this happy I'd shake his hand.
0:43:09 > 0:43:15- I really would. - Well, there is someone I've met. - Good. Anyone I know?- Sort of.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17It's that Vibe lad.
0:43:17 > 0:43:21- The one you were throttling the other night.- What? Pollard's gofer?
0:43:21 > 0:43:25- That's just a temporary job until he gets signed up.- Oh, you are joking!
0:43:25 > 0:43:29He makes me happy. He's got a very refreshing take on life.
0:43:29 > 0:43:34- I bet he has. You're just doing this to wind me up, aren't you?- No. He's a breath of fresh air.
0:43:34 > 0:43:38- I know why you're doing this, and I'm not falling for it!- He makes me happy.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40Why? Eh? Because he makes me unhappy.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- That's not it.- That's always been it with you, Shyanne!
0:43:49 > 0:43:53Oi! What are you doing dressed like that?
0:43:53 > 0:43:54Camelot theme at 5.30.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56I thought it was Victorian!
0:43:56 > 0:43:59White Lace and Promises with a Dickensian twist?
0:43:59 > 0:44:01Don't look at me, you took the booking.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04No, I remember because the groom's actually called Arthur in real life.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09Do you think they'll notice?
0:44:09 > 0:44:11Well, it doesn't say Merlin to me but then I...
0:44:11 > 0:44:14I have worked with Rick Wakeman.
0:44:15 > 0:44:18I hate to say this but she's got you not knowing what day it is!
0:44:18 > 0:44:21Or century, for that matter.
0:44:23 > 0:44:28Go and slip the Best Man a fiver, will you? Tell him we'll give him Pageant of Ages.
0:45:16 > 0:45:20Have you got a woman on the go at the moment, Tommy?
0:45:20 > 0:45:24Er, not really, just the wife.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27What's the secret of a long and happy marriage then, eh?
0:45:27 > 0:45:28I'm sexually adventurous.
0:45:28 > 0:45:32- What, with the missus?- Sometimes. You have to careful, though.
0:45:32 > 0:45:36Spring a surprise and she starts wondering where you learnt it.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39- And how did you know that she was the one... - She started finishing my sentences.
0:45:39 > 0:45:42You know something's meant to be then.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44That was the clincher, was it?
0:45:44 > 0:45:48That and the fact that she went down faster than Emile Heskey.
0:45:52 > 0:45:57You ever find yourself wanting to stay in bed with a woman even after sex?
0:45:57 > 0:45:59- That doesn't sound like you. - Find yourself
0:45:59 > 0:46:03telling her things that you'd never talk to anybody else about?
0:46:03 > 0:46:08Find yourself laughing at her jokes because they're properly funny, you know, not like women's jokes at all.
0:46:08 > 0:46:12Ah! Well, you're talking about perfection there, aren't you?
0:46:12 > 0:46:16- You're not going to get that in this lifetime.- That's it. I think I have.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18I've found the perfect woman!
0:46:18 > 0:46:23And would the object of your affections be the woman I met. Miss Kitty De-Luxe?
0:46:24 > 0:46:27- Do you remember her? - What man could forget a woman
0:46:27 > 0:46:31prettier than David Beckham with legs like Teddy Sherringham?
0:46:33 > 0:46:34Thing is, I've promised her a rink.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39- What?- A rink. An ice rink.
0:46:39 > 0:46:41Thank God - I thought you said "ring".
0:46:41 > 0:46:43I haven't got the money to pay for it, Tommy.
0:46:43 > 0:46:45If I let her down again she'll go. I know she will.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48Well, my 125,000 is still on the table.
0:46:48 > 0:46:50All you got to do is pick up the World Cup.
0:46:50 > 0:46:52I've bottled it twice already, haven't I?
0:46:52 > 0:46:59Well, it takes a brave man to face his nightmares, and a braver man to face his dreams.
0:47:01 > 0:47:05- Did you make that up?- Russell Grant actually, but it's true.
0:47:05 > 0:47:12I can't go back into that house and look Mrs Berry in the eye when I know that I'm about to take that trophy.
0:47:13 > 0:47:17Then don't...look her... in the...eye.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24Do you think that's yoga?
0:47:28 > 0:47:32It's been a while since I shinned up a drainpipe.
0:47:35 > 0:47:37Oh! Ah! Ow!
0:47:44 > 0:47:47# Love is a burning thing
0:47:50 > 0:47:53# And it makes a fiery ring
0:47:56 > 0:48:00# Bound by wild desire
0:48:01 > 0:48:04# I fell into a ring of fire
0:48:06 > 0:48:10# I fell into a burning ring of fire
0:48:10 > 0:48:14# I went down, down, down And the flames went higher
0:48:14 > 0:48:17# And it burns, burns, burns
0:48:17 > 0:48:19# The ring of fire
0:48:19 > 0:48:21# The ring of fire
0:48:21 > 0:48:26# I fell into a burning ring of fire
0:48:26 > 0:48:31# I went down, down, down And the flames went higher
0:48:31 > 0:48:33# And it burns, burns, burns
0:48:33 > 0:48:37# The ring of fire The ring of fire
0:48:37 > 0:48:42# The taste of love is sweet
0:48:44 > 0:48:47# When hearts like ours meet
0:48:50 > 0:48:53# I fell for you like a child
0:48:55 > 0:48:57# Oh oh oh oh
0:48:57 > 0:49:00# But the fire went wild
0:49:00 > 0:49:04# I fell into a burning ring of fire
0:49:04 > 0:49:06# I went down, down, down
0:49:06 > 0:49:10# And the flames went higher And it burns, burns, burns
0:49:10 > 0:49:14# The ring of fire
0:49:14 > 0:49:16# The ring of fire
0:49:16 > 0:49:21# I fell into a burning ring of fire
0:49:21 > 0:49:25# I went down, down, down And the flames went higher
0:49:25 > 0:49:27# And it burns, burns, burns
0:49:27 > 0:49:30# The ring of fire
0:49:30 > 0:49:32# The ring of fire
0:49:32 > 0:49:35# And it burns, burns, burns
0:49:35 > 0:49:37# The ring of fire
0:49:37 > 0:49:41# The ring of fire The ring of fire. #
0:49:51 > 0:49:53Are you happy with your solicitor, Reverend Holden?
0:49:53 > 0:49:56Fine. Can you see over that desk, DS Coogan?
0:49:56 > 0:50:00Just Yes or No for the tape.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03ELVIS VOICE: I'm happy. Thank you very much.
0:50:03 > 0:50:07- People like you turn my stomach. - Men, you mean?
0:50:07 > 0:50:10Men who steal the urn an old lady keeps her son's ashes in.
0:50:10 > 0:50:13And then go back to see what else they can rip off.
0:50:13 > 0:50:15What, she's had it stolen?
0:50:15 > 0:50:20Yes. She has. But then you'd know that already because you stole it.
0:50:22 > 0:50:25- I'm not a thief. - So what were you doing in her house?
0:50:25 > 0:50:29- Delivering Meals on Wheels?- I can see how this looks, but I was...
0:50:29 > 0:50:34You went to visit Mrs Berry earlier in the week disguised as a vicar to case the joint.
0:50:34 > 0:50:39To pay my respects and offer spiritual comfort. I am a vicar.
0:50:41 > 0:50:43This doesn't really seem your style.
0:50:46 > 0:50:47So did she put you up to it?
0:50:47 > 0:50:51- Who?- Miss Kitty De-Luxe.
0:50:52 > 0:50:55Don't you say it like that -
0:50:55 > 0:50:57like you're better than her.
0:50:57 > 0:51:00Kitty De-Luxe.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03You'd think she could have tried a bit harder than that, wouldn't you?
0:51:05 > 0:51:07It's a stage name. I know that.
0:51:07 > 0:51:09Do you think I'm stupid or something?
0:51:09 > 0:51:12Sadie Ward.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14A table dancer from Hull.
0:51:14 > 0:51:19Also known as Sympathy Grace, Eloise Hope,
0:51:19 > 0:51:21Charity Walker
0:51:21 > 0:51:24and finally, Kitty De-Luxe.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37So I'll ask you again.
0:51:37 > 0:51:40Did she put you up to it?
0:51:42 > 0:51:46Nobody ever made me do anything I didn't want to.
0:51:46 > 0:51:48Ripley Holden. I am charging you with fraudulent
0:51:48 > 0:51:54representation, trespassing, criminal damage, obtaining property by deception and burglary.
0:51:54 > 0:51:58You do not have to say anything, but it may harm you defence
0:51:58 > 0:52:03if you fail to mention something when questioned that you later rely on in court.
0:52:26 > 0:52:28Game not going to plan?
0:52:28 > 0:52:32You're telling me. I keep looking out for Jeremy Beadle.
0:52:32 > 0:52:34Yeah, blame myself.
0:52:34 > 0:52:38Intervention should've been on soon as I set eyes on Miss De-Luxe.
0:52:38 > 0:52:42Hey! You don't know this has got anything to do with her.
0:52:42 > 0:52:45Someone has set you up and it's not me.
0:52:45 > 0:52:48Too clever for Vesty so...
0:52:48 > 0:52:50Why would she want to set me up?
0:52:50 > 0:52:53So she could waltz away with the trophy.
0:52:53 > 0:52:56You don't know that she's took the trophy.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58Can you head back to the police station please, mate?
0:52:58 > 0:53:03Ripley appears to have forgotten to pick up his brain on the way out.
0:53:03 > 0:53:06If you knew her you'd know that she wouldn't want to do this to me.
0:53:10 > 0:53:13Well, you don't know her, do you?
0:53:14 > 0:53:16Moment of weakness.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18It was a long time ago.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24She made me flap like David James coming for a cross.
0:53:24 > 0:53:28Well, why didn't you say anything the first time you saw me with her, eh?
0:53:28 > 0:53:32Because I knew that if Kitty had you in her clutches then the trophy was never going to be too far away.
0:53:32 > 0:53:35Oh, well, that worked out for you, hasn't it?
0:53:35 > 0:53:39Cos if she took it, her and that trophy will be long gone.
0:53:39 > 0:53:42Well, I suggest you find her.
0:53:42 > 0:53:45I've no chance of finding her now, have I?
0:53:45 > 0:53:49I do not pay a man's bail and expect no return on said investment.
0:53:49 > 0:53:53Honour your debts. That is the first rule of business.
0:53:53 > 0:53:55Honour your debts.
0:54:19 > 0:54:23- Ripley?- Kitty.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25What are you doing here?
0:54:28 > 0:54:31I was just remembering where we first met, you know.
0:54:31 > 0:54:36- What is it? Where have you been all night?- You don't know?
0:54:36 > 0:54:39No. How could I? I've been going mad with worry.
0:54:39 > 0:54:42I got arrested for stealing the World Cup.
0:54:42 > 0:54:45You didn't!
0:54:45 > 0:54:47Yeah. I got arrested. But no, I didn't steal it.
0:54:47 > 0:54:50Well, who did?
0:54:50 > 0:54:51Don't you know?
0:54:51 > 0:54:54No. How could I?
0:54:56 > 0:54:59Well, you don't seem that bothered that someone's got the trophy.
0:54:59 > 0:55:05What I care about is that we found each other. Isn't that what really matters?
0:55:06 > 0:55:07Yeah.
0:55:09 > 0:55:10Yes, it is.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20- Because I love you, Ripley Holden. - Oh, God, don't.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25By the look of horror on your face I shouldn't have said that.
0:55:26 > 0:55:31No, it's just that, you know, you were marrying another fella right here less than a week ago.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34There's only ever been you.
0:55:35 > 0:55:40I only ever loved you. I just hadn't met you yet.
0:55:40 > 0:55:42Kitty.
0:57:18 > 0:57:23# It's not unusual to be loved by anyone
0:57:23 > 0:57:26# It's not unusual
0:57:26 > 0:57:28# To have fun with anyone
0:57:28 > 0:57:32# But when I see you hanging about with anyone
0:57:34 > 0:57:35# It's not unusual
0:57:35 > 0:57:38# To see me cry
0:57:38 > 0:57:41# I wanna die
0:57:41 > 0:57:45# It's not unusual to go out at any time
0:57:47 > 0:57:52# But when I see you out and about it's such a crime
0:57:52 > 0:57:57# If you should ever want to be loved by anyone
0:57:57 > 0:57:59# It's not unusual
0:57:59 > 0:58:02# It happens every day
0:58:02 > 0:58:05# No matter what you say
0:58:05 > 0:58:08# You'll find it happens all the time
0:58:09 > 0:58:12# Love will never do
0:58:12 > 0:58:16# What you want it to
0:58:16 > 0:58:23# Why can't this crazy love be mine?
0:58:34 > 0:58:37# It's not unusual to be mad with anyone
0:58:39 > 0:58:44# It's not unusual to be sad with anyone
0:58:44 > 0:58:49# But if I ever find that you've changed at anytime
0:58:49 > 0:58:53# It's not unusual To find that I'm in love with you
0:58:53 > 0:58:57# Whoah oh oh oh oh oh
0:58:57 > 0:58:58# Whoah, whoah
0:58:58 > 0:59:02# Whoah oh oh oh oh oh... #
0:59:14 > 0:59:17She's stolen the World Cup,
0:59:17 > 0:59:19and the Police have thrown the book at me.
0:59:19 > 0:59:23Should've heard the list of charges. I thought they'd run out of tape.
0:59:23 > 0:59:24You sure Kitty stole it?
0:59:24 > 0:59:26I even know where she's hidden it.
0:59:26 > 0:59:28You know where it is?
0:59:28 > 0:59:32- Well, what are we waiting for?- She's not even who she says she is.
0:59:32 > 0:59:35If you don't want to knick it back off her, then tell me where it is and I'll do it.
0:59:35 > 0:59:40If she's lied about the World Cup and who she is, then has she lied about everything else?
0:59:40 > 0:59:46There's 125 grand sitting in my safe, and it's yours if you just tell me where the World Cup is.
0:59:46 > 0:59:50If she's got it, what's she doing hanging around, eh?
0:59:50 > 0:59:54There's time for all this afterwards. So where's she hidden it?
0:59:54 > 0:59:57Maybe she can't bear to leave me.
0:59:57 > 1:00:00First you wouldn't knick it because it's got your mate's ashes in it.
1:00:00 > 1:00:03Then you didn't want to trick Mrs Berry. Now you don't want to piss Kitty off.
1:00:03 > 1:00:06Now I'm a patient man, Ripley but, how can I put this?
1:00:06 > 1:00:08Make a bloody move!
1:00:20 > 1:00:21Go! Oh! And again.
1:00:21 > 1:00:24Quick, get the ball. Right, ready, we're going to try and catch it.
1:00:24 > 1:00:26Do you think you can catch it?
1:00:26 > 1:00:30Ready? Right. One, two, three... Yeah!
1:00:30 > 1:00:32Oh, that's good. High five on that one.
1:00:32 > 1:00:34Oi! What do you think you're doing, eh?
1:00:34 > 1:00:39- Hello, Mr. Holden.- Don't you "Mr Holden" me. You don't touch my grandchild, understand?
1:00:39 > 1:00:43- I was just looking after her.- Dad! What are you doing?
1:00:43 > 1:00:45Doing what you should have been doing, looking after your daughter.
1:00:45 > 1:00:51- It's all right, love.- Vibe was just playing with her while I got ready. - What?- Just put her down.
1:00:51 > 1:00:54I said, put her down!
1:01:03 > 1:01:06He's honest, he's funny, he listens to me,
1:01:06 > 1:01:11treats me like a grown up, oh, and he pays attention to Freya without being asked!
1:01:11 > 1:01:14What, and you think he's fit enough to bring up my grandchild, do you?
1:01:14 > 1:01:16Oh? So she's your grandchild all of a sudden, is she?
1:01:18 > 1:01:22- What do you mean by that? - You've hardly wanted to look at her since Kitty got on the scene.
1:01:22 > 1:01:25I got the impression she was cramping your style with the original Holiday on Ice.
1:01:25 > 1:01:29- What've you got against her? Eh? - She has been nothing but trouble since she got here.
1:01:29 > 1:01:33No. You've been nothing but trouble since she got here.
1:01:33 > 1:01:35MOBILE RINGS
1:01:35 > 1:01:37What?
1:01:37 > 1:01:39You're joking.
1:01:39 > 1:01:41I'll be right over.
1:01:41 > 1:01:44Well, this is turning into the perfect day, isn't it?
1:01:44 > 1:01:46We've had a break in.
1:01:53 > 1:01:56No need to kneel, Officer, it's not that type of Chapel.
1:01:56 > 1:01:58It appears you've had a break-in.
1:01:58 > 1:02:02Sanctify me! What is the world coming to when someone breaks in to the House of God?
1:02:02 > 1:02:04It's enough to have a you questioning your faith, isn't it, Billy?
1:02:04 > 1:02:09- Did you have anything of particular value on the premises? - Can't you feel the love?
1:02:09 > 1:02:12Not personally, no. Anything earthly that might have been lifted?
1:02:12 > 1:02:16Whoever broke in seemed to be looking for something specific.
1:02:16 > 1:02:19Oh, let's think, I've got the Turin Shroud underneath the floorboards,
1:02:19 > 1:02:23and a piece of toast that's a dead ringer for John the Baptist.
1:02:23 > 1:02:25Usually an inside job, something like this.
1:02:25 > 1:02:29- There's a younger lad you should be looking at, not Billy.- Oh, yes?- Dad.
1:02:29 > 1:02:31What's his tag, love? Eh?
1:02:31 > 1:02:35- Vice? Writhe? Name escapes me. - Vibe didn't break in.- Oh.
1:02:35 > 1:02:38Vibe, eh? What are you going to do?
1:02:38 > 1:02:43They spray graffiti, get told it's art, swear and get told it's poetry.
1:02:43 > 1:02:45Is there any wonder that there's no respect for law and order these days?
1:02:45 > 1:02:48Don't listen to him! He's got no idea!
1:02:48 > 1:02:51I know. I found that out when I arrested him last night!
1:02:51 > 1:02:52Hey, DC Krankie, that's enough.
1:02:52 > 1:02:55- You were arrested?- Sorry, Ripley.
1:02:55 > 1:02:58I didn't realise you were the kind of family that had secrets.
1:02:58 > 1:03:01- Is everything all right?- Oh, this?
1:03:01 > 1:03:04This is all part of the service, mate.
1:03:04 > 1:03:09In these security conscious times I like to take extra care with each service,
1:03:09 > 1:03:14- especially the De-Luxe Cinderella package.- Could you get a move on? The bride's started her contractions.
1:03:15 > 1:03:19Well, I didn't like to spoil their day of days. I'm a romantic at heart.
1:03:19 > 1:03:21Yeah, me too.
1:03:21 > 1:03:24All right, boys, let's leave it.
1:03:25 > 1:03:31By the way, we've got a date for your court case so we'll be seeing a lot more of each other.
1:03:31 > 1:03:34- What court case?- Oops.
1:03:37 > 1:03:41It's about time. These pants are chaffing.
1:03:51 > 1:03:57No, no, technically, Wayne, it's not a tax deductible item, no.
1:03:57 > 1:03:59No, not even the condoms.
1:03:59 > 1:04:03- I've got something that you want very badly.- I don't think I concur.
1:04:03 > 1:04:08But I need a cash deposit before I can deal with you direct.
1:04:08 > 1:04:10- MOBILE RINGS - Do you think I am stupid?
1:04:10 > 1:04:13Ask me a difficult question, I'm getting bored with the easy ones.
1:04:13 > 1:04:16He's on 20K a week and a share of the merchandising.
1:04:16 > 1:04:19Yeah, well, you'd better hurry up because I can smell roubles.
1:04:19 > 1:04:23I deal with the Reverend Ripley Holden.
1:04:23 > 1:04:26As I understand it he is the trophy's sole representative.
1:04:26 > 1:04:30Now, why would you do that when you could deal with me direct?
1:04:30 > 1:04:34Because the last time I dealt with you directly,
1:04:34 > 1:04:38it led to shirt loss and face loss.
1:04:38 > 1:04:41Oh, come on, we had some good times, didn't we, Stevie?
1:04:41 > 1:04:46Once I got used to that frantic love-making style of yours,
1:04:46 > 1:04:49like being ravaged by a nervous breakdown.
1:04:49 > 1:04:51Right, that's it. Meeting's over.
1:04:51 > 1:04:55In the words of the great Guan Franco Zola, "Finito and Goodnight".
1:04:55 > 1:04:57Now you really are being stupid.
1:04:57 > 1:05:00Stupidity is no longer a part of my portfolio.
1:05:00 > 1:05:03- Once bitten, fingers burned. - MOBILE RINGS
1:05:03 > 1:05:07Hello, Steve Pollard.
1:05:07 > 1:05:08I got the World Cup, Stevie.
1:05:08 > 1:05:11- Sure you're ready to kiss it goodbye?- No, no.
1:05:11 > 1:05:16No, no, no, do not take a urine test till I get there, Sao Paulo.
1:05:16 > 1:05:19Yeah, OK, well, if you're bursting then try and miss the target.
1:05:19 > 1:05:25Which judging by the way you're playing recently, that shouldn't be too difficult, should it? ..Now.
1:05:36 > 1:05:40Are you going to carry on not talking or are you going to tell me what you got arrested for?
1:05:40 > 1:05:44- As if I haven't guessed already. - Haven't you got other things to be worrying about, eh?
1:05:44 > 1:05:48- Like the fact that your boyfriend broke into my Chapel?- Vibe didn't break in.- Course he did.
1:05:48 > 1:05:50Pollard would have told him to!
1:05:50 > 1:05:52Thought I were hiding the World Cup in there!
1:05:52 > 1:05:55- He didn't break in!- Keep saying that, you might end up believing it.
1:05:55 > 1:05:59He didn't break in because he was with me last night.
1:05:59 > 1:06:01All night!
1:06:01 > 1:06:03Oh, great. Perfect!
1:06:03 > 1:06:08Hey, why don't you just have done with it and start writing to blokes on death row?
1:06:08 > 1:06:14You've always been a magnet for losers, Shyanne, but this fellow takes the custard cream!
1:06:14 > 1:06:18You just can't accept I might be right about someone and you might be wrong, can you?
1:06:18 > 1:06:22- How do you think you got yourself into this mess in the first place, eh?- What mess would that be?
1:06:22 > 1:06:25What? Single Mum living in a campervan with spectacular sea views!
1:06:25 > 1:06:29Is that the big dream for A-stream pupils nowadays?
1:06:29 > 1:06:33- I know I'm a terrible disappointment to you!- No, you're not...
1:06:33 > 1:06:38You're not a disappointment. I just thought things would turn out better, that's all. And now they just might.
1:06:38 > 1:06:42But not if you want to blow it all by wasting yourself on this bloke!
1:06:42 > 1:06:46Like I've wasted myself on you for the past year?
1:07:02 > 1:07:05What is it?
1:07:05 > 1:07:07Just, you know,
1:07:07 > 1:07:10family stuff chasing round my head.
1:07:10 > 1:07:13I'm sorry.
1:07:13 > 1:07:16It's me, isn't it?
1:07:16 > 1:07:18I've come between you and Shyanne.
1:07:18 > 1:07:19It's not, it's not.
1:07:19 > 1:07:23My daddy brought a different woman home every six months, I didn't like it one bit.
1:07:28 > 1:07:30Where was that, then?
1:07:30 > 1:07:32Ohio.
1:07:33 > 1:07:36Is that where you grew up? Cos you know, you...
1:07:36 > 1:07:38You said Nebraska.
1:07:40 > 1:07:43Well, we moved around a lot, you know.
1:07:43 > 1:07:46Guess that's why a trailer's on wheels.
1:07:57 > 1:08:01- I think I'm more trouble than I'm worth, baby.- No. You're not.
1:08:01 > 1:08:07I've left men on Thanksgiving that were still crying on New Year's Eve.
1:08:09 > 1:08:12I don't want to hurt you like that.
1:08:12 > 1:08:14So what are you talking about leaving for then, eh?
1:08:17 > 1:08:19You're happy with the ice rink, aren't you?
1:08:19 > 1:08:23Happy? Yeah. It's a dream come true. It's just...
1:08:23 > 1:08:25I don't deserve it.
1:08:25 > 1:08:28How do you mean?
1:08:30 > 1:08:32There are things I've done...
1:08:34 > 1:08:37Things that you don't know about.
1:08:37 > 1:08:39Kitty...
1:08:43 > 1:08:46There's nothing that you could tell me
1:08:46 > 1:08:48that would stop me loving you.
1:08:48 > 1:08:51You know that, don't you?
1:08:51 > 1:08:53The way I see it...
1:08:55 > 1:08:57..you and me have got to be brave.
1:09:00 > 1:09:07Because it takes a brave man to face his nightmares, but a braver man to face his dreams.
1:09:07 > 1:09:09That's so beautiful.
1:09:11 > 1:09:13Well, I have my moments.
1:09:15 > 1:09:17Come here.
1:09:45 > 1:09:46Kitty?
1:10:02 > 1:10:05Kitty?! No.
1:10:07 > 1:10:08Shyanne!
1:10:12 > 1:10:15- Did you see her go?- Who?
1:10:15 > 1:10:17You know damn well who!
1:10:17 > 1:10:20So she's finally come good for you, has she?
1:10:20 > 1:10:22All her stuff's gone. Everything!
1:10:22 > 1:10:24It was bound to happen. I did try and tell you.
1:10:24 > 1:10:28Last night...she said...
1:10:28 > 1:10:30there's no way!
1:10:30 > 1:10:33She told me...
1:10:33 > 1:10:37Dad. She'd tell you anything.
1:10:37 > 1:10:39I don't think she was American.
1:10:39 > 1:10:41- Oh, I know she's not American.- What?
1:10:41 > 1:10:43How long have you known?
1:10:43 > 1:10:45Since the police told me.
1:10:45 > 1:10:50- And what did she say when you told her?- Nothing, cos I haven't.
1:10:50 > 1:10:52- Why not?- Cos I don't care!
1:10:52 > 1:10:55The way I feel about her, that doesn't matter.
1:10:55 > 1:10:58Don't you think it'd be better to face the truth?
1:10:58 > 1:11:01Oh. You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?
1:11:01 > 1:11:04Kitty De-Luxe was a fantasy.
1:11:04 > 1:11:07She was just using you! Deep down you knew she was.
1:11:07 > 1:11:10I don't have a deep down, remember?
1:11:10 > 1:11:14I don't believe in anything except getting a little bit of happiness.
1:11:14 > 1:11:16If it's not perfect, so what?
1:11:16 > 1:11:19The only happiness on offer right now!
1:11:19 > 1:11:23Before she came, we had a good business and a bit of money in the bank.
1:11:23 > 1:11:27Now you've got a prison sentence hanging over your head,
1:11:27 > 1:11:31an ice rink you can't pay for and a woman who took you for every penny you've got left.
1:11:31 > 1:11:32And I'd give her more...
1:11:34 > 1:11:36..if I had it.
1:11:39 > 1:11:43I just don't understand the hold she's got on you.
1:11:49 > 1:11:51Come on.
1:11:56 > 1:11:59Now you've seen me do it a thousand times.
1:11:59 > 1:12:03You just talk about love, the Lord, more love, more Lord and then out.
1:12:03 > 1:12:07- I don't know, Ripley.- This is the Harry Potter package so you know,
1:12:07 > 1:12:11just throw in a few of references to Dumbledore, Hogwarts, Cribbage.
1:12:11 > 1:12:14- I haven't got your gift. - Hey! Come on!
1:12:16 > 1:12:18You've played bigger crowds than this, haven't you!
1:12:18 > 1:12:22What about when you were in Dire Straits at Wembley? The Stones at Knebworth?
1:12:22 > 1:12:24Well, that's just it.
1:12:24 > 1:12:26I never was...
1:12:26 > 1:12:29I was making that up.
1:12:31 > 1:12:34Don't you think I know that?
1:12:34 > 1:12:36I know that.
1:12:36 > 1:12:39We're all liars, Billy.
1:12:39 > 1:12:42Lying is what separates us from the beasts!
1:12:51 > 1:12:53You won't let me down. I know it!
1:13:03 > 1:13:05Where's Pollard? In here?
1:13:14 > 1:13:17Tommy!
1:13:17 > 1:13:19Tommy!
1:13:21 > 1:13:22Tommy!
1:13:22 > 1:13:25She's gone. She's done a runner!
1:13:25 > 1:13:29That's terrible, Ripley. Still, that's women for you.
1:13:29 > 1:13:32- Shard of glass where their hearts should be.- Look, didn't you hear me?
1:13:32 > 1:13:34She's gone! So's Pollard!
1:13:46 > 1:13:48You lied to me.
1:13:48 > 1:13:50I only lied very recently, Ripley.
1:13:50 > 1:13:54- If you hadn't turned up I'd have barely lied at all.- So how long have you all been in it together then, eh?
1:13:54 > 1:13:56Since Kitty gave us her price for the trophy.
1:13:56 > 1:14:00She strikes a harder bargain than you. We had to club together.
1:14:00 > 1:14:03Pooled our collective resources, so to speak.
1:14:03 > 1:14:06Oh, well, I'm glad I wasn't double-crossed on the cheap.
1:14:06 > 1:14:09I knew you were too soft hearted to go through with it.
1:14:09 > 1:14:11I couldn't bear to see that chance slip through my fingers.
1:14:11 > 1:14:14Oh? But you were happy to see me go down for your crime, eh?
1:14:14 > 1:14:17- It wasn't personal, Ripley.- I could have been just anyone, could I?
1:14:17 > 1:14:22- I've got a prison sentence hanging over my head.- It's all here.
1:14:22 > 1:14:23All 300,000.
1:14:27 > 1:14:31After all I said to you last night, you still go and walk out on me.
1:14:31 > 1:14:36It's because of what you said last night that I had to leave.
1:14:36 > 1:14:38About facing our dreams?
1:14:38 > 1:14:40That broke my heart.
1:14:40 > 1:14:44I couldn't stand lying to you a moment longer.
1:14:44 > 1:14:46Then why run away?
1:14:46 > 1:14:49Why didn't you just tell me the truth?
1:14:50 > 1:14:53We could have done this together.
1:14:55 > 1:14:56It's a fake.
1:14:56 > 1:15:00- What?- It's a ringer. That's all the facts you need to know.
1:15:00 > 1:15:05- It's real! I know it's real! - Matching bosoms. It's a dead giveaway.- No.
1:15:05 > 1:15:07Big at the front, flat at the back.
1:15:07 > 1:15:10No!
1:15:10 > 1:15:14I put this in your locker and I took the real one.
1:15:14 > 1:15:17- You know, the one that you nicked from Mrs Berry's.- When?
1:15:17 > 1:15:20I went through your make-up bag and I found a key.
1:15:20 > 1:15:23You went into my bag? Whatever happened to trust?
1:15:23 > 1:15:28- It left through the back door when you came in!- You kept the key in your make-up bag?
1:15:28 > 1:15:34That's a poor idea even by the impoverished standards of your imagination.
1:15:34 > 1:15:35Bloody hell!
1:15:38 > 1:15:40So why didn't you just bring the trophy straight to me?
1:15:40 > 1:15:43I was waiting for her to come clean.
1:15:46 > 1:15:48That's all I was waiting for.
1:15:49 > 1:15:53- I swear I was going to cut you in on this.- Oh!
1:15:53 > 1:15:55I just wanted to do the deal first.
1:15:55 > 1:15:59You're a good liar and a good lay. But let's just cut the play acting,
1:15:59 > 1:16:01and get down to business, "Sadie."
1:16:01 > 1:16:04- Oh, baby.- Oh, and will you stop talking in that stupid accent!
1:16:04 > 1:16:08- It's bad enough when Americans use it but at least they can't help it! - I wasn't faking it when I told you
1:16:08 > 1:16:11how happy you made me.
1:16:11 > 1:16:13I really wasn't.
1:16:13 > 1:16:15I dare say you'll get over it.
1:16:15 > 1:16:18You're not leaving her in here with me, are you?
1:16:18 > 1:16:22- Look, do you want this World Cup or not?- I'm motivated in that direction, no doubt about it.
1:16:22 > 1:16:26- Right, well I'll see you both down the Chapel in two hours' time. - What about me?
1:16:29 > 1:16:31You played your hand all wrong.
1:16:31 > 1:16:34You're not even in the game any more.
1:16:36 > 1:16:38Ripley!
1:16:38 > 1:16:41Please!
1:16:41 > 1:16:43I did grow up in a caravan park.
1:16:43 > 1:16:47Oh, yeah, but not in Ohio or Texas or Nevada.
1:16:47 > 1:16:50Bridlington.
1:16:50 > 1:16:52But Kitty De-Luxe is who I am.
1:16:52 > 1:16:57I tried on a lot of lives before I got to her, but she is who I am.
1:16:57 > 1:17:00What, and you ran all this way to tell me that, did you?
1:17:00 > 1:17:04I made up stuff all my life just to get by.
1:17:04 > 1:17:09- Yeah, well, that's hardly news.- Don't talk to me like you're any better!
1:17:09 > 1:17:12At least I didn't pretend to fall for someone just so I could get my hands on their money!
1:17:12 > 1:17:16Didn't you? Well, how come you didn't tell me that you knew I'd stolen the World Cup?
1:17:16 > 1:17:19How come you didn't tell me that you knew who I really was?
1:17:19 > 1:17:23Because you were frightened I'd disappear with the money.
1:17:23 > 1:17:26So we're both liars. So what?
1:17:26 > 1:17:29That's just it. We're the same.
1:17:29 > 1:17:33We think the same way, we act the same way. We're a great team!
1:17:33 > 1:17:36Why do you think we couldn't con each other, huh?
1:17:36 > 1:17:38Because we know each other already.
1:17:40 > 1:17:42Don't do this, Kitty.
1:17:42 > 1:17:45What was that you said about a clean slate?
1:17:45 > 1:17:49How do I know you're not conning me now, eh?
1:17:49 > 1:17:52You don't. And that's what you love about me, isn't it?
1:17:52 > 1:17:56Why do you think I'm finding it so hard to give you your marching orders?
1:17:56 > 1:17:59And it's what you hate about me, too.
1:18:01 > 1:18:03That's right.
1:18:03 > 1:18:05That's right.
1:18:23 > 1:18:29- Tommy! How's the nose? - Throbbing like Rudolph's. What's that lunatic woman doing here?
1:18:29 > 1:18:31She's with me.
1:18:31 > 1:18:33We've reached an understanding.
1:18:33 > 1:18:36Hmm. There's no circumventing an engorged man.
1:18:36 > 1:18:38What's this? You trying to cut Pollard out of the deal?
1:18:38 > 1:18:44- Suggestions like that are beneath you, Reverend.- Like breaking into my Chapel's beneath you, eh?
1:18:44 > 1:18:47Me and Steve Pollard are like two threads snagged on the same hook.
1:18:47 > 1:18:50What, he's bringing the rest of the money cos he doesn't trust you?
1:18:50 > 1:18:51Correct.
1:18:51 > 1:18:55OK. Let's seal this, dealwise.
1:18:55 > 1:18:57What's she doing here, what's occurring?
1:18:57 > 1:19:01She made such a good job of polishing Ripley's trophy he's keeping her.
1:19:01 > 1:19:06All right, gentlemen, cut the foreplay and get down to the shang-a-lang.
1:19:13 > 1:19:16Well, well, well. Vibe, welcome back to the squad, son.
1:19:16 > 1:19:19Why don't you just sit down over there, lad?
1:19:19 > 1:19:21How long has this...
1:19:21 > 1:19:25Truth, hmm? Decency, hmm? Loyalty, hmm? I'm in bits.
1:19:25 > 1:19:29You're a football agent and you're the most honest person in the room.
1:19:29 > 1:19:31I'd enjoy the novelty if I were you.
1:19:40 > 1:19:45Gentlemen, I give you the genuine
1:19:45 > 1:19:47Jules Rimet trophy.
1:20:07 > 1:20:10Well, that's 150,000 for us
1:20:10 > 1:20:15and 150,000 for you. You know what to do with it.
1:20:15 > 1:20:17I can't take your money, Dad.
1:20:17 > 1:20:20- Not after what I said.- Why not?
1:20:20 > 1:20:23Didn't stop you for the first twenty years of your life.
1:20:23 > 1:20:29- Girl feels guilty, Ripley. You've got to respect that. - It's about me being a Dad.
1:20:29 > 1:20:31About me being a Grandad.
1:20:31 > 1:20:37I know you'll look after it. You've always been tighter than a worm's belt. And look,
1:20:37 > 1:20:41keep this safe for us. Don't go blowing it on reading lessons for Vibe.
1:20:41 > 1:20:44- My name's Daryll.- Is it really?
1:20:44 > 1:20:46I think I prefer Vibe.
1:20:46 > 1:20:50Go on. Get it in the bank before the interest rates drop.
1:20:58 > 1:21:00Hey, come on!
1:21:00 > 1:21:03Cheer up, we did it!
1:21:03 > 1:21:06Don't you feel just a little bit excited?
1:21:06 > 1:21:09I feel flatter than a kipper's dick, to be honest.
1:21:09 > 1:21:12Oh, that's understandable. You've had a tough day.
1:21:12 > 1:21:16It's not because of what happened today.
1:21:16 > 1:21:20- It's because of what's going to happen.- Huh?
1:21:20 > 1:21:23I'm sorry, Kitty.
1:21:23 > 1:21:25What for?
1:21:25 > 1:21:31Someone's going to have down for stealing that World Cup from Mrs Berry's...
1:21:31 > 1:21:33and it isn't going to be me.
1:21:48 > 1:21:53The trophy she stole is currently in the possession of Mr Steven Pollard and Mr Thomas Vesty.
1:21:53 > 1:21:55This is the money they gave to Ki...
1:21:55 > 1:21:59to Sadie in exchange for the trophy.
1:21:59 > 1:22:05Now there's £50,000 there, you might want to treat yourself to a pair of platform shoes.
1:22:05 > 1:22:07How could you do this to me, Ripley?
1:22:09 > 1:22:12If you'd told me the truth, I would have done time for you.
1:22:12 > 1:22:14You're different to all the other guys I cheated on.
1:22:14 > 1:22:19You're the only one who understands why I do it.
1:22:19 > 1:22:25I can't stay with a woman that makes me want to check that my nadgers are still there every morning.
1:22:25 > 1:22:27I love you.
1:22:27 > 1:22:30And I never thought I'd ever love anyone again.
1:22:31 > 1:22:35You're everything I ever wanted in a woman -
1:22:35 > 1:22:37you're gorgeous, you're funny,
1:22:37 > 1:22:40you're filthy as a miner's face.
1:22:40 > 1:22:41Thanks.
1:22:41 > 1:22:44Will you wait for me?
1:22:46 > 1:22:49You still want me even after I've turned you in?
1:22:49 > 1:22:50I want you because you turned me in.
1:22:53 > 1:22:56You got the better of me, Ripley. No man ever did that before.
1:23:02 > 1:23:05# Stars shining bright
1:23:05 > 1:23:07# Above you
1:23:08 > 1:23:13# Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you"
1:23:13 > 1:23:17# Birds singing in the sycamore tree
1:23:17 > 1:23:21# Dream a little dream of me
1:23:22 > 1:23:26# Say nighty-night
1:23:26 > 1:23:29# And kiss me
1:23:29 > 1:23:34# Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
1:23:34 > 1:23:38# While I'm alone and blue as can be
1:23:38 > 1:23:43# Dream a little dream of me
1:23:45 > 1:23:49# Stars fading but I linger on, dear
1:23:49 > 1:23:55# Still craving your kiss
1:23:55 > 1:24:00# I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
1:24:00 > 1:24:06# Just saying this
1:24:06 > 1:24:10# Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
1:24:10 > 1:24:16# Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
1:24:16 > 1:24:21# But in your dreams whatever they be
1:24:21 > 1:24:24# Dream a little dream of me
1:24:24 > 1:24:25# Ba ba bah
1:24:47 > 1:24:53# Stars fading but I linger on, dear
1:24:53 > 1:24:58# Still craving your kiss
1:24:58 > 1:25:03# I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear
1:25:03 > 1:25:09# Just saying this
1:25:09 > 1:25:12# Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
1:25:12 > 1:25:19# Sweet dreams that leave our worries far behind you
1:25:19 > 1:25:24# But in your dreams whatever they be
1:25:24 > 1:25:28# Dream a little dream of me
1:25:28 > 1:25:32# Ba ba ba ba da da da
1:25:32 > 1:25:36# Da ba ba ba ba ba ba
1:25:36 > 1:25:39# Boo boo boo bah bah bah
1:25:39 > 1:25:43# La la la la da da da da
1:25:43 > 1:25:45# Sweet dreams
1:25:45 > 1:25:48# Till sunbeams find you
1:25:48 > 1:25:53# Sweet dreams, all worries behind you
1:25:53 > 1:25:56# But in your dreams whatever they be
1:25:58 > 1:26:01# Dream a little dream of me
1:26:04 > 1:26:07# Sweet dreams
1:26:07 > 1:26:10# Sweet dreams
1:26:14 > 1:26:17# Ooh, Sweet dreams
1:26:20 > 1:26:21# Sweet dreams
1:26:25 > 1:26:27# Sweet dreams
1:26:30 > 1:26:32# Sweet dreams. #