0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is my story.
0:00:05 > 0:00:06Right.
0:00:08 > 0:00:15This programme contains strong language.
0:00:56 > 0:01:01# My, my, my Delilah
0:01:02 > 0:01:08# Why, why, why, Delilah?
0:01:09 > 0:01:16# I could see that girl was no good for me
0:01:16 > 0:01:22# But I was lost like a slave that no man could free
0:01:23 > 0:01:28# I saw the light on the night that I passed by her window
0:01:30 > 0:01:35# I saw the flickering shadow of love on her blind
0:01:37 > 0:01:42# She was my woman
0:01:44 > 0:01:50# As she betrayed me I watched and went out of my mind
0:01:50 > 0:01:55# My, my, my Delilah
0:01:57 > 0:02:02# Why, why, why, Delilah?
0:02:04 > 0:02:11# I could see that girl was no good for me
0:02:11 > 0:02:18# But I was lost like a slave that no man could free
0:02:18 > 0:02:23# At break of day when that man drove away, I was waiting
0:02:25 > 0:02:30# I crossed the street to her house and she opened the door
0:02:32 > 0:02:37# She stood there laughing
0:02:38 > 0:02:41# I felt the knife in my hand
0:02:41 > 0:02:45# And she laughed no more
0:02:45 > 0:02:50# My, my, my Delilah
0:02:52 > 0:02:56# Why, why, why Delilah?
0:02:59 > 0:03:05# So before they come to break down the door
0:03:05 > 0:03:10# Forgive me Delilah I just couldn't take any more
0:03:12 > 0:03:14# Forgive me Delilah
0:03:14 > 0:03:21# I just couldn't take anymore! #
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Mr Capello? Mr Capello, me pay's short.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Well, you're short, so now you match.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I mean, it's supposed to be £25
0:03:48 > 0:03:49and it's not £25.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50So sue me.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53It's supposed to be £25 and it's not.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56You're more than welcome to go and see if Zippos will pay you any more.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Now beggar off. We're on!
0:04:03 > 0:04:06What about, er...what about cooking?
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Cooking?
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Definitely no cooking!
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Oh! Oh...
0:04:10 > 0:04:12AUDIENCE: Aw!
0:04:12 > 0:04:13No cooking?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I told you.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20No cooking, even with a frying pan?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23I told you, no cooking.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25All right. It's a deal...
0:04:25 > 0:04:27No cooking.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
0:04:34 > 0:04:35All right. Now fuck off.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Nello, ladies and gentlemen!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45COCKEREL CROWS
0:05:07 > 0:05:09THUNDER RUMBLES
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Can I help you?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Yes. I'm a friend of the bishop.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30And...which bishop would that be?
0:05:30 > 0:05:33The Bishop of Keele. The Bishop of Lichfield.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37And the Archbishop of Canterbury is also a very good friend of mine.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Could you give me a lift?
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Of course. Of course.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Where would you need a lift to, exactly?
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Stoke-on-Trent.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Right. Well, that's quite a drive.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49It is, yes. Thank you.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51I didn't necessarily say I'd...
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Have you had your breakfast?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- I have indeed. - No. I haven't.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Very nice of you to ask. Thanks.
0:06:05 > 0:06:06Right.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Yes.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09OK. OK. Thank you.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I can take you as far as Dumfries
0:06:13 > 0:06:15and then your mum has arranged for your local vicar
0:06:15 > 0:06:17to come and get you from there.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Marvellous.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20You've got a tow bar, haven't you?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22A tow bar?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Why would I need a tow bar?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Is there any more toast?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31GRUNTING AND PANTING
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Should he be wandering around the country on his own like this?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36He's clearly got special needs of some sort.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Well, he doesn't have much trouble finding help.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42In fact, he seems positively blessed in that regard.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Is he in the habit of doing this?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Well, he does seem to view the church
0:06:46 > 0:06:49as being some sort of ecclesiastical AA.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54Oh. He says he's a good friend of the Bishop of Lichfield.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55Yes. That's true.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58And the Archbishop of Canterbury.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Well, if Neil says he knows someone, then he usually does.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03How does he get to know them?
0:07:04 > 0:07:05By being Neil.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Thanks.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Oh...that's quite all right.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Would you mind signing this before you go?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25A Bible?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Are you sure? Slightly irregular.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Thanks.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36No, no - not the front.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39That's my bishops and archbishops.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41There's space at the back for regular clergy.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Right.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47So there is.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50I-I've got them all in there.
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Desmond Tutu. Terry Waite. Rowan Williams.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Jimmy Greenhoff.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59I wasn't aware Jimmy Greenhoff had been ordained.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00He hasn't.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05He scored 76 goals in 274 games for Stoke City.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06He was marvellous.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Right, right. Well, there you are.
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Thank you.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Your mum will be pleased to see you.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I'll bet she will.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I'll be pleased to see her.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40The truth is she's not been so well lately.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Right.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47And I know it's hard to think about these things,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49but your mum's not getting any younger.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52No. She's not.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56None of us are. And that's life.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58So we have to make the most of it.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34Oh...
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Hiya, Mum.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44There's a sight for sore eyes.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Let me have a look at you.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51So how've you been keeping without me to keep an eye on you, like?
0:09:51 > 0:09:55LAUGHING: I've been tiptop, Neil. Tiptop.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06It's a robin.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Oh, he's back, is he? He was here last week.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13I bet he missed you.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I'll bet he did.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17That's why he's come back.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20SHE LAUGHS
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Neil, love.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33When I let you join that circus, you said they'd look after you.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35They did look after me.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Just that one ringmaster took against me.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39It only takes one.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I'm nice to people and people are nice to me.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45And if they're not nice to me, then there are other people who are.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I won't be here forever.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Dunna talk like that.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54We all die one day, Neil,
0:10:54 > 0:10:56until Jesus returns,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59and raises his sleeping followers from death
0:10:59 > 0:11:01and grants immortality to the faithful.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03So, there you are then.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Jesus 1, Mary Baldwin, nil.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I want to know that you can look after yourself
0:11:10 > 0:11:12when I'm not here to do it anymore.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Not get taken advantage of.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Hold down a job.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16I've got a job.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18You've been sacked.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20No. A new job. At the university.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Oh, that's lovely.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28When did they offer you this?
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Tomorrow.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49When you first came to Keele, were you nervous?
0:11:49 > 0:11:50I'm never nervous.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Hello. I'm Neil Baldwin. Welcome to Keele University.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Hello.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04I'm Neil Baldwin.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Welcome to Keele University. - All right?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Hello, I'm Neil Baldwin. Welcome to Keele University.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Hiya.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Hello, I'm Neil Baldwin. Welcome to Keele University.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Hiya. I'm Malcolm.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Stoke City fan?
0:12:21 > 0:12:23I am, yes. Very much so.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Are you?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Yeah. Yeah, I am.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29So, do you work here, do you?
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Yes, I think I do.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36# Enjoy yourself
0:12:36 > 0:12:40# It's later than you think
0:12:40 > 0:12:43# Enjoy yourself
0:12:43 > 0:12:47# While you're still in the pink
0:12:47 > 0:12:50# The years go by
0:12:50 > 0:12:54# As quickly as a wink
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
0:12:57 > 0:13:01# It's later than you think
0:13:01 > 0:13:04# You work and work for years and years
0:13:04 > 0:13:08# You're always on the go
0:13:08 > 0:13:11# You never take a minute off
0:13:11 > 0:13:14# Too busy making dough
0:13:14 > 0:13:19# Someday you say you'll have your fun
0:13:19 > 0:13:22# When you're a millionaire
0:13:22 > 0:13:25# Imagine all the fun you'll have
0:13:25 > 0:13:29# In your old rocking chair
0:13:29 > 0:13:32# Enjoy yourself
0:13:32 > 0:13:36# It's later than you think
0:13:36 > 0:13:39# Enjoy yourself
0:13:39 > 0:13:43# While you're still in the pink
0:13:43 > 0:13:46# The years go by
0:13:46 > 0:13:49# As quickly as a wink
0:13:49 > 0:13:53# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
0:13:53 > 0:13:56# It's later than you think.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00# You're going to take that ocean trip
0:14:00 > 0:14:03# No matter, come what may
0:14:03 > 0:14:07# You've got your reservations but
0:14:07 > 0:14:10# You just can't get away
0:14:10 > 0:14:13# Next year, for sure you'll see the world
0:14:13 > 0:14:17# You'll really get around
0:14:17 > 0:14:23# But how far can you travel when you're six feet underground?
0:14:23 > 0:14:27# Enjoy yourself
0:14:27 > 0:14:30# It's later than you think
0:14:30 > 0:14:34# Enjoy yourself
0:14:34 > 0:14:37# While you're still in the pink
0:14:37 > 0:14:41# The years go by
0:14:41 > 0:14:44# As quickly as a wink
0:14:44 > 0:14:47# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
0:14:47 > 0:14:50# It's later than you think. #
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Is that a chaffinch?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11What exactly is it that you do up there, Neil?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13At the university?
0:15:13 > 0:15:16It is a chaffinch, you know. It's got wing bars.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Neil Baldwin.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19As much as I love birds,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22I will not be knocked off course by plumage talk.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25What are you doing there at Keele?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27All sorts.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31And what does it pay, this "all sorts"?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Look at the birds of the air.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns,
0:15:39 > 0:15:43and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51When I started work,
0:15:51 > 0:15:53I read my Bible every dinner break
0:15:53 > 0:15:55and they made fun of me.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57They called me Holy Mary.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01I-I could be a vicar. Then I'd be Holy Neil.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Is that why you don't want a normal job?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Because you're worried they'll pick on you?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I like the Church of England.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I like performing.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I believe in God.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Well, that does put you three up
0:16:16 > 0:16:19on most of the Church of England clergy I've encountered.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24But there are other things you need, Neil.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Bifocals.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28I was thinking qualifications.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32- All right, Nello? - Hi, Steve. Wigan on Saturday!
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Who was that?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Steve. He's a very good friend of mine.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41You never mentioned him before.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42I only met him yesterday.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Well, the good news is
0:16:45 > 0:16:48they are looking for pot dippers at Susie Cooper's.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50I used to work for Susie Cooper's.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53I was the recipient of many a compliment on my eye for colour.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55I think our Neil's got the same.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Thank you. But it's not what I'm looking for.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00What are you looking for?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02What would you like to do, Neil?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I'd like to manage Stoke City.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Or-or be a vicar.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Either is fine. I'm flexible.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14OK. And what are you qualified to do?
0:17:14 > 0:17:18I help the students out at Keele and I'm a registered clown.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21Are you indeed?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23What've you gone and brought that here for?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25That's Nello.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Did you do this?
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Just look at that paintwork.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Not a million miles away from ceramics.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35That's right. He's a dab hand.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39You send an egg off with your make-up on
0:17:39 > 0:17:40and it's registered.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42You can sue anyone who steals your make-up.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I don't think Elaine wants to hear about all that now.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Uh...and are there any openings in the circus right now?
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Not at the moment, no.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54But Charlie Cairoli is a very good friend of mine.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I've got his number, if you'd like it.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Just say Neil said to ring him.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- I meant for you... - 0-2-7-2, 4-9-6,
0:18:04 > 0:18:060-7-2-5...
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Neil!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Sorry. He does go off on tangents now and then.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14But you don't think he has any vacancies...for you?
0:18:14 > 0:18:20No. That's why I mentioned vicaring or football manager.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22It doesn't have to be Stoke,
0:18:22 > 0:18:25but I draw the line at Port Vale.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32There are schemes to help people into work
0:18:32 > 0:18:35who otherwise might have...
0:18:35 > 0:18:37difficulties.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Why are you telling me that?
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Fruit pastilles do not count as fruit and you know it.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52You'll be turning me vegetarian if I'm not careful.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56If in doubt, when I'm not here, ask Doris on the till.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58She'll tell you what's healthy and what's not.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Doris? She doesn't look all that well to me.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04She can keep an eye out for you.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Looks like I should be keeping an eye on her.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Oh, for goodness' sake!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11All I want to know is you can stand on your own two feet!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32More than my life's worth, Neil.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34I thought eggs were good for you.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Mary? Are you all right, duck?
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Yes. Yes. Just the price of these tinned peaches.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Taken the wind right out of me.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Neil?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09I have been praying very hard about this,
0:20:09 > 0:20:11and you know what?
0:20:11 > 0:20:14I think you're ready for a place of your own.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16I've got a place of my own. This place.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20A place of your very own. Not too far away. A little flat.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Move out?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Of me home?
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Well, somewhere nice, you know.
0:20:25 > 0:20:31Where you can start to be more independent and manage, you know?
0:20:31 > 0:20:32But I do manage.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34When have I ever gone without?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Do you think it's God's will?
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Well, that's a difficult one, but I think it might be, yes.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Not my mum's will?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01I think, on this occasion, as is so often the case,
0:21:01 > 0:21:04your mother's will and God's will might be one and the same thing.
0:21:07 > 0:21:08Is that the choir?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Yes. Are you joining? We're still short of baritones.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15I'd love to help you out, Mark, but I've got a lot of stuff to do.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Oh, really? Like what?
0:21:16 > 0:21:20I'm behind on me bird watching. Gerry Cottle's Circus are in town.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23I'm writing an extra verse for the Lord's Prayer.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26You're not joking, are you?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35There's still half your Stoke City programmes up there.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I'll come back for them.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40All grown up, eh? My Neil.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Don't worry, Mum. I'll not forget you.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48This is very kind of you, Malcolm.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50"Give to him who asks you,
0:21:50 > 0:21:52"and from him who wants to borrow, do not turn away."
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Matthew 5.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Well, I wouldn't say no to half a lager at the student union.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Malcolm 1.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01You all right, Neil?
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Yes. Let's get it over with.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06We'll have it dark.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Here, Malcolm...
0:22:10 > 0:22:11OK.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19SHE SNIFFS
0:22:42 > 0:22:44CHEEPING
0:22:50 > 0:22:52I don't know how that came loose.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54You've not got an eagle in there, have you?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56What do you think of that?
0:23:01 > 0:23:04What's the Neil Baldwin Football Club when it's at home?
0:23:04 > 0:23:05My own team.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Picked by me. Managed by me. Captained by me.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11At least you can't be dropped.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Exactly. You're vice-president.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Am I? Right.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Not President then?
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Gary Lineker is President.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I'm just going to write to him to tell him the good news.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- RADIO REPORTER:- In other news, Stoke City have announced
0:23:26 > 0:23:28the departure of their manager, Graham Paddon,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31after just 18 games in charge.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34The club's board thanked him for his hard work and dedication
0:23:34 > 0:23:37and have said they'll act quickly to find a replacement...
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Come in, Mark.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Thank you for coming.
0:24:11 > 0:24:15I'd use my own minister, but he tends to be more in demand.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21It is addressed to Neil.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24I can see that. That's what worries me.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25You remember that misunderstanding
0:24:25 > 0:24:27around the payment for the coach hire?
0:24:27 > 0:24:31I do. It cast a long shadow over the Alzheimer's picnic.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33He isn't terribly good with money.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35And who can forget what Paul reminded us in Romans?
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Indeed.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42"Owe no-one anything, except to love each other."
0:24:42 > 0:24:44I'm not sure that can be applied
0:24:44 > 0:24:46directly to contemporary financial transactions.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50I want you to steam open the envelope and tell me what's inside it.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52I don't know about that.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55Well, I'm a Christadelphian, but you're Church of England.
0:24:55 > 0:24:56Well, how is that relevant?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Well, firstly, Neil is Church of England
0:24:58 > 0:25:01so, spiritually speaking, he is of your flock.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04And, secondly, I think of the Church of England
0:25:04 > 0:25:07as having a less rigorous moral code than my own.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13What's he going to do when I'm not here to look after him?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18We can appoint trustees.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21And he seems to manage.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23He has his adventures and...
0:25:27 > 0:25:29How much is it for?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32You might want to bear in mind
0:25:32 > 0:25:34you're talking to a woman with an enlarged aorta.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36When was your last check up?
0:25:37 > 0:25:39£800.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Oh, I should never have let him move out.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43This is my fault.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47No, Mary. I'm sure there's a way of paying this by instalments.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49I'll go over and see him right now.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51No, he's not there. He's gone up to London.
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Right.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56On Parliamentary business, so he said.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Where you going, mate?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33House of Commons.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Figures.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Is Tony Benn in today?
0:26:43 > 0:26:44Couldn't tell you that, sir.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Well, could you not find out if he's clocked on or not?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52I can't move from here, I'm afraid.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05Could you leave him this note?
0:27:05 > 0:27:08I'm a friend of his son Stephen's from Keele University.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Thanks.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Did you really meet him?
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Yes. He was very nice to me.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Poor Tony.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Poor Tony, yes.
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Did you mention our drains to him?
0:27:54 > 0:27:56He was very busy.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58They've not been right
0:27:58 > 0:28:00since next door did that paella for their ruby wedding.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02No.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04They were going to go barbecue
0:28:04 > 0:28:06but the forecast was for low pressure from the east.
0:28:08 > 0:28:09£800.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11That's not right.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14No. It's not right, Neil. It's not right at all.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19I buy an electric stamp every week at the post office. £5.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21Neil, that only pays off £60.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24This is the electricity you've actually used.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27How do you even begin to use this much?
0:28:27 > 0:28:30I pay a fiver a week. I buy a stamp.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32Ask the woman at the post office.
0:28:32 > 0:28:33How do you use that much?
0:28:33 > 0:28:37I don't. The budgies do.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39I have to keep 'em warm, don't I?
0:28:39 > 0:28:40Please, tell me you don't
0:28:40 > 0:28:43have that two-bar electric fire on all day and night.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47Why shouldn't I? I pay it. I buy a stamp.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49I've got it in a book somewhere.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56How are we going to find £800?
0:28:56 > 0:28:57Dunna worry, Mum.
0:28:58 > 0:29:01Neil, love, the whole point of you moving out
0:29:01 > 0:29:04was so you could learn to manage these things.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09I-I'll pay it off when I get the Stoke City job.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12There is no Stoke City job.
0:29:12 > 0:29:16They appointed Lou Macari as the new manager this dinner time.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20Then I'll go and see him. First thing tomorrow.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23And Lou Macari's going to pay your electricity bill, is he?
0:29:24 > 0:29:27I wouldn't have thought so. Why would he do that?
0:29:30 > 0:29:32- WHISPERS:- God bless Dad and look after him.
0:29:34 > 0:29:38And God bless Mum and let her not worry anymore.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42God bless the students.
0:29:44 > 0:29:48And God bless Norman Barrett, MBE, of Zippos Circus.
0:29:51 > 0:29:53God bless Gordon Banks.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56God bless...
0:29:57 > 0:29:59..Ken Dodd.
0:30:01 > 0:30:05And God bless Lou Macari and help him in his task
0:30:05 > 0:30:08to return Stoke City to the top division
0:30:08 > 0:30:10Amen.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Or to the play-offs, at least.
0:30:20 > 0:30:23For, like Job, we have been sorely tested.
0:30:25 > 0:30:27CHEERING
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Lou!
0:30:30 > 0:30:33# Why, why, why, Delilah?
0:30:33 > 0:30:39# My, my, my Delilah
0:30:39 > 0:30:41# So, before... #
0:30:41 > 0:30:43THEY CHEER
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Take us up, Lou.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48I hope so. I really hope so.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50No, I mean I know you will.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Good. Great. Aye. Top man.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55I told my vicar he'll make bishop one day
0:30:55 > 0:30:57and I'll be right about that, too!
0:30:57 > 0:30:58Aye, right. Great. That's, eh...
0:30:58 > 0:31:00That's great.
0:31:00 > 0:31:02Macari!
0:31:02 > 0:31:06ALL: Macari! Macari! Macari!
0:31:06 > 0:31:09Macari! Macari! Macari!
0:31:09 > 0:31:12Macari! Macari! Macari!
0:31:12 > 0:31:17Macari! Macari! Macari! Macari!
0:31:51 > 0:31:53You've not been waiting out there all day, have you?
0:31:53 > 0:31:57I have, yeah. In case you needed me, like.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01Well, that's very good of you, but have you not got work to do?
0:32:01 > 0:32:03I'm out of work at the moment.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05I'm sorry to hear that.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07And what's your trade?
0:32:07 > 0:32:09Circus clown.
0:32:09 > 0:32:11Oh, right. And what was your act?
0:32:12 > 0:32:14Making people happy, you know,
0:32:14 > 0:32:19I used to get chucked off the back of a fire engine every night.
0:32:19 > 0:32:20So how come you got sacked?
0:32:21 > 0:32:23Face didn't fit.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29- Night, then.- Night.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33A clown, you say?
0:32:34 > 0:32:37How do you fancy coming to work for me?
0:32:37 > 0:32:38Kit man.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40It'd be great, yeah.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43I'll have to square it with the university, like,
0:32:43 > 0:32:45but I think they'll be all right with it.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47What do you do at the university?
0:32:47 > 0:32:50Help 'em out. With the students.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53You don't get flung off the back of a fire truck there, as well?
0:32:53 > 0:32:56No. It's not really called for.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58I suppose not.
0:32:59 > 0:33:02Well I'll...see you on Monday, then, aye?
0:33:02 > 0:33:04See you Monday, Lou.
0:33:08 > 0:33:09Top man.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Are you absolutely sure you've got this right, Neil?
0:33:16 > 0:33:20The manager of Stoke City, Mr Lou Macari,
0:33:20 > 0:33:22offering you, Neil Baldwin, a job?
0:33:22 > 0:33:25Mr Lou Macari of Manchester United and Scotland.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28Yes. I'm starting a file on him.
0:33:28 > 0:33:30Do you want a biscuit?
0:33:30 > 0:33:33No. But you have one. And don't make crumbs.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36I can only just see the pattern on the carpet as it is.
0:33:44 > 0:33:47I know better than anyone how much you love football.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50I know you love football because of me.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53It's just that...
0:33:53 > 0:33:57What exactly does it entail, this job?
0:33:58 > 0:34:01Laying out the clean kit. Picking up the dirty kit.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Taking it to a laundry.
0:34:03 > 0:34:06Well, you had me believing you till then.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11You've never so much as picked up a dirty sock in your lifetime!
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Your bedroom's like the hold in Noah's Ark.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19Are you sure you've got that right?
0:34:19 > 0:34:22Are you sure you've got this right?
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Are you sure you've got this right?
0:34:24 > 0:34:26Tell the boss Nello's here.
0:34:30 > 0:34:31What can I say?
0:34:31 > 0:34:33He was the right man for the job.
0:34:36 > 0:34:37Thank you very much.
0:34:39 > 0:34:40Come on.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45O, ye of little faith.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Wherefore didst thou doubt?
0:34:51 > 0:34:53Matthew 14.
0:35:05 > 0:35:09Come on, out of the way. We don't want any more injuries.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11- Who's that?- New kit man.
0:35:18 > 0:35:22Keep it tight. Get in behind that lumbering full-back o' theirs.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25Defending corners we leave Laino up
0:35:25 > 0:35:27but we need to get tight on their two big lads at corners.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Paddy, you stick to that big fella like glue, right?
0:35:30 > 0:35:31Don't let him breathe.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34First to the ball. Don't give them time or space.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37Now, we do that in the first ten minutes and they won't worry us.
0:35:37 > 0:35:38Laino! Whit?
0:35:39 > 0:35:41What is it, son?
0:35:41 > 0:35:43LAUGHTER
0:35:44 > 0:35:48Oh, for fuck's sake! What are you like?! Get in here, you!
0:35:49 > 0:35:51CROWD SINGS: # What the fuck? What the fuck?
0:35:51 > 0:35:53# What the fucking hell is that?
0:35:53 > 0:35:56# What the fucking hell is that?
0:35:56 > 0:35:59# What the fuck? What the fuck?
0:35:59 > 0:36:01# What the fucking hell is that?
0:36:01 > 0:36:05# What the fucking hell is that? #
0:36:07 > 0:36:10THEY CHEER AND SHOUT
0:36:12 > 0:36:16Well done, lads. Great stuff out there today! Well played, Paddy son.
0:36:16 > 0:36:17Well played, lads.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- ..does my fucking brain in. - What brain?!- Oh, fuck off!
0:36:23 > 0:36:25- Well, it's like a sieve.- Fuck off!
0:36:25 > 0:36:28Check him out. He's trying to cheat!
0:36:28 > 0:36:31He's trying to che-eat! He's high again! He's trying to cheat.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33I-I took me head off.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Just in time, by the looks of you.
0:36:37 > 0:36:38Bloody hell, Nello.
0:36:38 > 0:36:40A few spuds round you and you'd make a roast dinner.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46I talked a girl out of killing herself once. Young student.
0:36:47 > 0:36:48Dressed as a chicken?
0:36:50 > 0:36:53- No, course not. Dressed as Father Christmas.- Oh, right.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57And what's that got to do with the chicken suit?
0:36:57 > 0:37:00Fancy dress. Good for morale.
0:37:01 > 0:37:03Charlie Carolli taught me that.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05He's a very good friend of mine.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15Just out of interest...
0:37:16 > 0:37:19..what did you say to that girl who wanted to kill herself?
0:37:20 > 0:37:23I-I said, "We've all got to go sometime, love,
0:37:23 > 0:37:25"but why d'you have to go now?"
0:37:28 > 0:37:30Night.
0:37:31 > 0:37:32Night.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47- All right, gorgeous?- All right.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50- Ey-up! How's it going, Nello? - Good, yeah.
0:37:50 > 0:37:51THEY CHANT: Nello! Nello!
0:37:55 > 0:37:56All right, mong?
0:37:56 > 0:37:59Make sure that tea's ready and waiting for tomorrow.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02I'm not a mong. I'm a registered clown.
0:38:04 > 0:38:08- That was a bit harsh. - You've got to carry on with it.
0:38:12 > 0:38:16Didn't you feel he was picking on you because of your difficulties?
0:38:16 > 0:38:17What difficulties?
0:38:24 > 0:38:28ALL: # O Lord, my God
0:38:28 > 0:38:33# When I in awesome wonder
0:38:33 > 0:38:41# Consider all the works Thy hand hath made
0:38:41 > 0:38:45# I see the stars
0:38:45 > 0:38:49# I hear the mighty thunder
0:38:49 > 0:38:57# Thy power throughout the universe displayed
0:38:58 > 0:39:01# Then sings my soul
0:39:01 > 0:39:05# My Saviour God, to Thee
0:39:05 > 0:39:14# How great Thou art How great Thou art
0:39:14 > 0:39:22# Then sings my soul my Saviour God, to Thee
0:39:22 > 0:39:30# 'How great Thou art How great Thou art! #
0:39:30 > 0:39:34CROWD CHEERS
0:39:38 > 0:39:41CROWD CHANTS: You fat bastard! You fat bastard!
0:39:41 > 0:39:43You fat bastard! You fat bastard!
0:39:43 > 0:39:46You fat bastard! You fat bastard!
0:39:47 > 0:39:50# When I look down
0:39:50 > 0:39:55# From lofty mountain grandeur
0:39:55 > 0:39:58# And hear the brook
0:39:58 > 0:40:02# And feel the gentle breeze
0:40:02 > 0:40:05# Then sings my soul
0:40:05 > 0:40:10# My Saviour God, to Thee,
0:40:10 > 0:40:11# How great Thou art... #
0:40:11 > 0:40:14A shock signing?
0:40:14 > 0:40:16He is a bit of an unknown quantity. Erm...
0:40:16 > 0:40:19I don't even really want to reveal his name.
0:40:19 > 0:40:21We'll let him do his own talking on the pitch.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24He'll be given an opportunity, pre-season matches.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27We've got to get some weight off him...
0:40:29 > 0:40:31He's not in the best of condition.
0:40:31 > 0:40:34You know, I've put my head on the chopping block and...
0:40:34 > 0:40:37and taken that opportunity and brought him here.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40Let's just see what lies ahead, Ivan.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42Let's just take it from game to game.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53# Then sings my soul
0:40:53 > 0:40:58# My Saviour God, to Thee
0:40:58 > 0:41:01# How great Thou art
0:41:01 > 0:41:06# How great thou art! #
0:41:09 > 0:41:10Well, he's, er...
0:41:10 > 0:41:12He's Neil, isn't he?
0:41:12 > 0:41:14You know what I mean.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17I know. Neil, my son, yes.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21Well, he's just, er... He's just great to have around.
0:41:21 > 0:41:23He's funny.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25He doesn't always mean to be.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28Ah, well, that does make it a wee bit funnier.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30- If you don't mind me saying. - No. Not at all.
0:41:30 > 0:41:33- PLAYERS OUTSIDE: - 'I fucking turned on a sixpence.'
0:41:33 > 0:41:35'You couldn't fucking turn on a fucking manhole cover.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37'You've got love handles like me missus
0:41:37 > 0:41:39'and she's six months pregnant.'
0:41:39 > 0:41:42'All right, Nello. You got a fucking brew on or what?'
0:41:42 > 0:41:44Sorry about that, Mrs Baldwin.
0:41:46 > 0:41:48Where were we?
0:41:48 > 0:41:50You were telling me why you've given my Neil a job.
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Well, he's...
0:41:54 > 0:41:55He's genuine.
0:41:57 > 0:41:58He doesn't have an angle.
0:41:58 > 0:42:02And you go a long way in this game to find a bloke without an angle.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04And the fact that...
0:42:04 > 0:42:05Well, that he isn't,
0:42:05 > 0:42:08perhaps, as quick on the uptake as...
0:42:08 > 0:42:09Quick on the uptake?
0:42:09 > 0:42:12We're talking about footballers here, Mrs Baldwin.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14It's not exactly University Challenge out there.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Even so, I had thought...
0:42:17 > 0:42:18Well...
0:42:18 > 0:42:23I won't be around forever and I have to be sure he'll be all right.
0:42:23 > 0:42:27Of course. What mother wouldn't want that?
0:42:27 > 0:42:29I had put his name down for a monastery,
0:42:29 > 0:42:30for when I'm not here, to keep an eye.
0:42:30 > 0:42:33He seemed to like it there...
0:42:33 > 0:42:35A monastery? Neil?
0:42:35 > 0:42:39Your son belongs in a changing room, Mrs Baldwin.
0:42:39 > 0:42:41He loves it here. And we love him.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44God, he gives us all a lift.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46And he's, God, he's indispensable.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50- Paddy?- Yes, boss.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52You'll do for me, young man.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54Thanks, boss.
0:42:54 > 0:42:55- Laino.- Yes, boss.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57Just play.
0:42:57 > 0:42:58How should I play, boss?
0:42:58 > 0:42:59Play well.
0:42:59 > 0:43:02And as for you, Thumper.
0:43:02 > 0:43:04Bomber, boss.
0:43:04 > 0:43:07I think you'll find Thumper's the name of the rabbit in Bambi.
0:43:08 > 0:43:09I'm the boss.
0:43:09 > 0:43:14If I call you Thumper, your name's Thumper.
0:43:14 > 0:43:15Right, boss.
0:43:15 > 0:43:18Let's just play the game right.
0:43:18 > 0:43:21And the main thing is this,
0:43:21 > 0:43:25this is what you've got to get into your noggins -
0:43:25 > 0:43:29the main thing is, go out there
0:43:29 > 0:43:33and score more goals than the other team.
0:43:33 > 0:43:37- Yes!- Come on. - Come on, lads. Come on!
0:43:37 > 0:43:39Thanks, Nello.
0:43:39 > 0:43:42Was that supposed to be me, aye?
0:43:42 > 0:43:43Brian Clough, boss.
0:43:43 > 0:43:45Oh, right, Cloughie.
0:43:58 > 0:44:01# Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole,
0:44:01 > 0:44:05# Ole, Ole
0:44:05 > 0:44:08# Ole, ole, ole, ole... #
0:44:08 > 0:44:12Lou says I should give the team talk every week.
0:44:12 > 0:44:143-0. Not surprised.
0:44:14 > 0:44:17There might be a problem this week. It's the boat race.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19I never miss the boat race.
0:44:19 > 0:44:21Can't you tape it?
0:44:21 > 0:44:24I don't watch it on the telly. I'm on the river.
0:44:24 > 0:44:27You might need to lose some weight if you're coxing.
0:44:27 > 0:44:30I'm not in the crews. I'm on the launch behind,
0:44:30 > 0:44:32with the umpire and that.
0:44:32 > 0:44:33Hi, Neil.
0:44:33 > 0:44:34Hiya, Molly.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38How'd you wangle that?
0:44:38 > 0:44:39I just asked.
0:44:39 > 0:44:41You can't just get things by asking.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43Can't you?
0:44:43 > 0:44:44I can.
0:44:44 > 0:44:46Great win Saturday, Nello.
0:44:46 > 0:44:48Up the Potters, Farooq!
0:45:09 > 0:45:11- COMMENTATOR:- A lot has been talked about the stroke
0:45:11 > 0:45:13and he sets the rhythm.
0:45:13 > 0:45:17There's Harry Mahon and John Wilson looking down...
0:45:23 > 0:45:26Why would they let you on the umpire's launch?
0:45:26 > 0:45:27Tradition.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36Hey, Nello! How long you going to be with those fucking pads?
0:45:36 > 0:45:38Sort your own pads out.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40- Whoa!- Yes, get in!- Go on!
0:45:40 > 0:45:42- My man!- You tell him, Nello!
0:45:42 > 0:45:44You flash bastard.
0:45:44 > 0:45:47Did you put your wife's knickers on by mistake this morning
0:45:47 > 0:45:49or is there something you want to tell us?
0:45:49 > 0:45:52Pure silk boxer shorts, these, boss.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54Kendal Mills, Deansgate.
0:45:54 > 0:45:58If you're spending that much on underpants, I'm paying you too much.
0:45:58 > 0:45:59Valuable cargo.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02They don't keep the crown jewels in a Cornflakes box.
0:46:04 > 0:46:08Eh, how much do you spend on your underpants, Nello?
0:46:08 > 0:46:11Nothing. My mum buys them for me.
0:46:11 > 0:46:12Very wise.
0:46:12 > 0:46:16Might be because you're protecting as little as possible, mate!
0:46:23 > 0:46:25They weren't very nice to you.
0:46:25 > 0:46:27There's always banter.
0:46:35 > 0:46:36Nello? Nello?
0:46:36 > 0:46:38Yes, boss?
0:46:38 > 0:46:40Have you put on weight?
0:46:41 > 0:46:42A bit.
0:46:42 > 0:46:44Your mother will kill me.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47I promised her I'd help you lose weight.
0:46:48 > 0:46:51Come on, Laino. I told you, first touch.
0:46:51 > 0:46:52First touch!
0:46:59 > 0:47:00Where the fuck are my boxer shorts?
0:47:00 > 0:47:03Which one of you bastards has 'em?
0:47:03 > 0:47:0560 fucking quid's worth. That must be a blow.
0:47:05 > 0:47:08Hang on. My pants have gone, too.
0:47:08 > 0:47:09What the fuck?
0:47:09 > 0:47:12Some thievin' YTS lad has definitely had 'em off, million percent.
0:47:12 > 0:47:14Yeah, that'll be it.
0:47:14 > 0:47:19Yeah. Those YTS boys, they'll steal anything that isn't nailed down.
0:47:19 > 0:47:20Who asked you?
0:47:23 > 0:47:24THEY LAUGH
0:47:24 > 0:47:26No! No, Nello, you haven't.
0:47:29 > 0:47:32Yours are on the bottom. And they're a waste of money.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35They're chafing right up my undercarriage.
0:47:38 > 0:47:43# My, my, my, Delilah!
0:47:43 > 0:47:49# Why, why, why, Delilah!
0:47:49 > 0:47:54# So before they come to break down the door
0:47:54 > 0:47:59# Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take any more. #
0:48:01 > 0:48:07# So before you come to break down the door
0:48:09 > 0:48:13# Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take any more
0:48:16 > 0:48:19HE HUMS
0:48:21 > 0:48:26# Why, why, why, Delilah
0:48:28 > 0:48:30# So before... #
0:48:36 > 0:48:37Mum?
0:48:39 > 0:48:41- Her eyes...- Mary? Can you watch this light.
0:48:41 > 0:48:45..aren't what they were. She has bifocals.
0:48:45 > 0:48:47Do you know where you are, Mary?
0:48:47 > 0:48:49I don't think either of them are right.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51Do you know where you are?
0:48:51 > 0:48:54- Me Dad died here. - Hold my hand, Mrs Baldwin.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56- When he was young. - Can you grip it tight?
0:48:56 > 0:48:59- I was young, too. - That's good.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01And I did very well.
0:49:01 > 0:49:03And the other hand, can you do that one, too?
0:49:03 > 0:49:05She has bifocals.
0:49:05 > 0:49:10She's very healthy. I-I'm not so healthy. She eats salad.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12I eat chips. She's always telling me.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15We're going to get a consultant down to look at her.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17I'd rather it was a doctor.
0:49:17 > 0:49:19He's better than a doctor.
0:49:19 > 0:49:20When will I take her home?
0:49:20 > 0:49:22I have to call a taxi.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24She won't be going home tonight, I'm afraid.
0:49:24 > 0:49:27- She really is very poorly right now. - She is, isn't she?
0:49:28 > 0:49:31I think we need to get that consultant right away.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33He's busy but he'll be down as soon as possible.
0:49:33 > 0:49:35Is it Mr Saeed?
0:49:35 > 0:49:38Yes, as a matter of fact. Why, do you know him?
0:49:38 > 0:49:40He's a very good friend of mine.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42Neil!
0:49:42 > 0:49:44How are you? Everything OK?
0:49:44 > 0:49:45Very well, thank you.
0:49:45 > 0:49:47Are we going to beat Portsmouth on Saturday?
0:49:47 > 0:49:49If Laino's fit, we can beat anyone.
0:49:49 > 0:49:52I love your attitude. This man is a force for good.
0:49:52 > 0:49:54Has my registrar been looking after you?
0:49:54 > 0:49:55He's very young.
0:49:57 > 0:49:59My mum has had an episode.
0:49:59 > 0:50:00OK.
0:50:00 > 0:50:02OK. Well, let's see what we can do, shall we?
0:50:02 > 0:50:05Have you ordered a CT scan? Bloods? BP?
0:50:05 > 0:50:06Come on. What's been keeping you?
0:50:08 > 0:50:11OK, let's go and have a look at her, shall we?
0:50:17 > 0:50:19- TELEVISION:- 'Somersault, short.
0:50:19 > 0:50:22'That's the bone of cosmic triple, not big but fatal.
0:50:22 > 0:50:25'That's why we're going to start from the beginning
0:50:25 > 0:50:27'and make each move perfect before we go onto the next.
0:50:27 > 0:50:29'I'll run it again for you.'
0:50:33 > 0:50:36Ey-up, Nello. How's it going?
0:50:36 > 0:50:37Shocking.
0:50:37 > 0:50:40Is Laino going to be fit for Saturday?
0:50:40 > 0:50:42Course he is, yeah. Dunna worry about that.
0:50:56 > 0:50:57Thanks.
0:51:04 > 0:51:07Now, Neil. your mum has had a heart attack.
0:51:07 > 0:51:10And that is where the oxygen isn't getting to her brain,
0:51:10 > 0:51:13and that is why she is confused.
0:51:13 > 0:51:15A heart attack. Yes.
0:51:15 > 0:51:18So you are going to have to be strong or your mum now,
0:51:18 > 0:51:19cos she needs you to be.
0:51:20 > 0:51:22I-I'll pray for her.
0:51:22 > 0:51:24That would be a good idea.
0:51:26 > 0:51:27And I'll visit.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29Also good.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32I'll get the Christadelphians to pray for her, too.
0:51:32 > 0:51:33Excellent idea.
0:51:33 > 0:51:36A-and you. At the Temple.
0:51:36 > 0:51:39The more, the merrier, that's what I say.
0:51:39 > 0:51:40Very wise.
0:51:42 > 0:51:44Have her home in no time, eh?
0:51:44 > 0:51:46Well, there is a possibility, Neil,
0:51:46 > 0:51:48that she might not be able to come home.
0:51:48 > 0:51:52Her health hasn't been very good for a while now, as you know.
0:51:52 > 0:51:55Social services think they may have to find her
0:51:55 > 0:51:58somewhere she can live and be looked after.
0:52:00 > 0:52:02Do you understand?
0:52:02 > 0:52:03I-I do. Yes.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06Have her home in no time, eh?
0:52:19 > 0:52:20Morning, boss.
0:52:24 > 0:52:28You take as much time off as you need, Neil. All right?
0:52:28 > 0:52:31There's nothing more important than your mother's health.
0:52:31 > 0:52:35I don't need to take any time off. She's going to get better.
0:52:38 > 0:52:41How do you do it, Nello?
0:52:41 > 0:52:43How do you stay so positive?
0:52:46 > 0:52:50I've always wanted to be happy, so I decided to be.
0:52:52 > 0:52:54Brilliant.
0:52:54 > 0:52:56I'm going to write some of this stuff down.
0:52:57 > 0:53:01If-if bad things happen, you think about good things.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04Like what?
0:53:04 > 0:53:06Like...
0:53:06 > 0:53:08best signing you ever made.
0:53:09 > 0:53:10Oh...
0:53:12 > 0:53:14I wouldn't know where to start.
0:53:14 > 0:53:16With their shorts.
0:53:18 > 0:53:21The cleaner the shorts, the better the player.
0:53:21 > 0:53:24It means they've stayed on their feet longer.
0:53:26 > 0:53:29Well, if you don't mind me saying,
0:53:29 > 0:53:31that's very much a kit man's point of view.
0:53:34 > 0:53:35- Cloughie thought it, too.- Oh.
0:53:38 > 0:53:41So now I'm arguing with you and Cloughie, am I?
0:53:55 > 0:53:59I'm assuming the budgie is not part of the food shop, son.
0:53:59 > 0:54:01It's for me.
0:54:01 > 0:54:04The man at the pet shop gave me a discount.
0:54:04 > 0:54:06I got your shopping.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12Did you not take a list, Neil? I gave you a list.
0:54:13 > 0:54:15I did it from memory.
0:54:15 > 0:54:19Whose memory's this? Not mine, that's for certain.
0:54:19 > 0:54:22I've never eaten any of this stuff in my life.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24What did you pay for all this?
0:54:24 > 0:54:27Wasn't Doris on?
0:54:27 > 0:54:30- I've got it here somewhere. - It doesn't matter, really.
0:54:30 > 0:54:33Just take the list next time, will you?
0:54:33 > 0:54:37I'll write you a new one. Fetch me the writing pad.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42I've been keeping my flat clean, as well.
0:54:44 > 0:54:45Good.
0:54:46 > 0:54:50What about you? When did you last have a shave?
0:54:50 > 0:54:52I'm going to call him Macari.
0:54:52 > 0:54:53Who?
0:54:53 > 0:54:55Me budgie.
0:54:55 > 0:54:59I'm going to call him Macari. After Lou Macari.
0:55:00 > 0:55:01Right.
0:55:01 > 0:55:03'Everything has to start'
0:55:03 > 0:55:04and end with love.
0:55:06 > 0:55:09It's a simple message but one that we can forget all too easily.
0:55:12 > 0:55:14Now, as it says in Corinthians 1,
0:55:14 > 0:55:18"If I speak in the tongues of mortals and angels
0:55:18 > 0:55:22"but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or clashing cymbal."
0:55:25 > 0:55:29Now, I think we have all encountered one or two noisy gongs in our lives.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44You are looking after yourself, aren't you, Neil?
0:55:44 > 0:55:46Yes. I am.
0:55:46 > 0:55:48I always have.
0:55:52 > 0:55:55Well, with your mum in the home and so on,
0:55:55 > 0:55:57I can't help noticing, well...
0:55:57 > 0:56:01I think you need to maybe take extra care of yourself.
0:56:01 > 0:56:04So your mum doesn't worry too much about you.
0:56:04 > 0:56:06I've got the Lord.
0:56:06 > 0:56:08You have indeed.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11I've got the students.
0:56:11 > 0:56:12Yes.
0:56:12 > 0:56:15I've got Stoke City, and I've got me mum.
0:56:21 > 0:56:25What I want you to think about, Neil, is what you would do
0:56:25 > 0:56:27if one of them wasn't there?
0:56:32 > 0:56:36Well, I'd probably have the time to join the choir, for a start.
0:56:39 > 0:56:40Right.
0:56:41 > 0:56:43Right.
0:56:43 > 0:56:45You feeling better for our little chat, Mark?
0:56:47 > 0:56:48Yes.
0:56:48 > 0:56:50Thank you, Neil.
0:56:56 > 0:56:58- RADIO REPORTER:- Police would like to talk to anyone
0:56:58 > 0:57:01who was in the area in the early hours of Sunday morning.
0:57:01 > 0:57:03More on that breaking story now,
0:57:03 > 0:57:07we go over to the Victoria Ground where Lou Macari has resigned
0:57:07 > 0:57:12as Stoke City manager to take up the vacant post at Glasgow Celtic.
0:57:12 > 0:57:15The club has said they have already begun their search
0:57:15 > 0:57:17for a first class successor.
0:57:19 > 0:57:23I've no comment to make right now but there will be a press conference
0:57:23 > 0:57:27later on, so you can check that and see how we go. Thank you.
0:57:27 > 0:57:30During his time at the club, Macari took the Potters
0:57:30 > 0:57:33to the play offs, automatic promotion with a...
0:57:46 > 0:57:48Nello.
0:57:48 > 0:57:53When Celtic come calling, a Glasgow boy like me has to say, yes.
0:57:53 > 0:57:56I know that, yes.
0:57:57 > 0:57:59And whoever takes over here,
0:57:59 > 0:58:02I'll bet they'll find you as valuable as I did.
0:58:03 > 0:58:05Do you want me to come? To Celtic?
0:58:05 > 0:58:09Oh, I'd love you to. But I think you're Stoke through and through.
0:58:11 > 0:58:14And I think the Rangers fans might eat you alive.
0:58:14 > 0:58:16You're right. I'll stay put.
0:58:16 > 0:58:19With me mum in the home and that.
0:58:19 > 0:58:21She depends on me for shopping.
0:58:22 > 0:58:24Exactly.
0:58:24 > 0:58:26So, no hard feelings then?
0:58:26 > 0:58:28No hard feelings.
0:58:29 > 0:58:32You staying on for Tommo's testimonial?
0:58:32 > 0:58:36Oh, I can do better than that. I'm putting you on the bench.
0:58:36 > 0:58:38I'm always on the bench.
0:58:38 > 0:58:40That isn't what I mean.
0:58:42 > 0:58:43Come with me.
0:58:53 > 0:58:55Midfield or striker?
0:58:57 > 0:58:58Oh.
0:58:58 > 0:59:00I haven't thought about that yet.
0:59:00 > 0:59:01I'm not as quick as I was.
0:59:01 > 0:59:03Oh, I dare say.
0:59:03 > 0:59:07But the first two yards are in the head, eh, boss?
0:59:07 > 0:59:08Exactly.
0:59:10 > 0:59:12Don't be late, Baldwin.
0:59:13 > 0:59:15No, boss.
0:59:15 > 0:59:17I'll be there.
0:59:58 > 0:59:59Hiya, Mum.
1:00:02 > 1:00:05I see you've had a shave. That's something.
1:00:05 > 1:00:09Aye. I've done all your errands and all.
1:00:09 > 1:00:12Have you now? Can't have everything, I suppose.
1:00:12 > 1:00:16Skimmed milk cos it's good for your faulty ticker.
1:00:16 > 1:00:18Rice pudding.
1:00:18 > 1:00:21Bananas, cos the apples are tough on your dentures
1:00:21 > 1:00:23at this time of year,
1:00:23 > 1:00:25and a packet of Imodium for your...
1:00:25 > 1:00:27For my indigestion. Thank you.
1:00:29 > 1:00:31Well, well, well.
1:00:31 > 1:00:32You could do it after all.
1:00:35 > 1:00:37I met Ken Dodd again last week.
1:00:38 > 1:00:40He's a very good friend of mine.
1:00:45 > 1:00:48The woman what runs it, this place, like,
1:00:48 > 1:00:52she wants me to come in as Nello the Clown tomorrow.
1:00:52 > 1:00:54So I will.
1:00:54 > 1:00:56That'll cheer everyone up.
1:00:56 > 1:01:00I asked her if I can bring you a canary,
1:01:00 > 1:01:02and she said, "Certainly."
1:01:02 > 1:01:04I'll fetch you one in.
1:01:04 > 1:01:06You're a good lad, Neil.
1:01:09 > 1:01:12You know that business where you wanted to be a vicar.
1:01:12 > 1:01:16Oh, that's all water under the bridge now, Mum.
1:01:16 > 1:01:19I didn't want to be bothered with doing a degree and what-have-you.
1:01:19 > 1:01:22I know, son, but I didn't want you thinking
1:01:22 > 1:01:25that I didn't think you could do anything you wanted.
1:01:25 > 1:01:27Anything at all.
1:01:30 > 1:01:33I'm playing for Stoke City tonight.
1:01:43 > 1:01:46Come on, Mam. It's only a testimonial.
1:01:51 > 1:01:52Don't go just yet.
1:01:52 > 1:01:54No, I won't.
1:01:55 > 1:01:58Stay and hold my hand a while, eh?
1:01:58 > 1:01:59Course.
1:02:09 > 1:02:12They used to call me Holy Mary, you know.
1:02:12 > 1:02:14I know, Mum. I know.
1:02:17 > 1:02:19I'm very proud of you.
1:02:37 > 1:02:41Laino! Move wide! Move wide!
1:02:48 > 1:02:51Nello. Go and warm up.
1:02:52 > 1:02:54CROWD CHANTING: The referee's a wanker!
1:02:54 > 1:02:55The referee's a wanker...!
1:03:03 > 1:03:05CHEERING
1:03:09 > 1:03:13CHANTING: Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello!
1:03:19 > 1:03:23# Bring him on, bring him on, bring him on!
1:03:23 > 1:03:29# Bring him on, bring him on, bring him on!
1:03:29 > 1:03:32# Bring him on, bring him on!
1:03:32 > 1:03:35Paddy! Get over here!
1:03:35 > 1:03:37I'm going to bring Nello on.
1:03:37 > 1:03:40When he gets in the penalty area everybody get out.
1:03:40 > 1:03:41Let him score, OK?
1:03:41 > 1:03:44Tell our lads and tell the Villa lads, too.
1:03:44 > 1:03:46All right, boss.
1:03:46 > 1:03:48Nello! Get over here! You're going on!
1:03:50 > 1:03:52Here, now just...
1:03:52 > 1:03:55Just hang about in their penalty area, right?
1:03:55 > 1:03:56And cause them problems.
1:03:56 > 1:03:58How would I do that?
1:03:58 > 1:04:01Well, you're causing me problems just looking at you
1:04:01 > 1:04:03- so it shouldn't be too hard. - OK, boss.
1:04:03 > 1:04:05Anything comes near you, you hit it, all right?
1:04:05 > 1:04:08Right, boss. Like a brick outhouse.
1:04:08 > 1:04:10No, no, I mean the ball, not the other players.
1:04:10 > 1:04:12- All right.- Hey.
1:04:14 > 1:04:16Score one for your mum, Nello. OK?
1:04:16 > 1:04:18OK? She'll like that.
1:04:18 > 1:04:20Good luck, Nello.
1:04:20 > 1:04:22Well played, Thumper.
1:04:22 > 1:04:25It's Bomber. Like a plane or something, not Thumper.
1:04:27 > 1:04:29- CHANTING:- City!
1:04:31 > 1:04:32City!
1:04:34 > 1:04:35City!
1:04:38 > 1:04:40This really happened by the way.
1:04:40 > 1:04:41Did it?
1:04:41 > 1:04:44Yeah, it actually did. How could I let the fans down?
1:05:24 > 1:05:26SOUNDS OF THE CROWD FADE
1:05:36 > 1:05:39ECHOING CHEERS
1:05:48 > 1:05:50Did it really happen like that?
1:05:50 > 1:05:51No.
1:05:54 > 1:05:57Come on, Nello. Cheer up, mate!
1:05:57 > 1:05:58It's only a fucking testimonial.
1:05:58 > 1:06:01I think it must have hit a bobble before I hit it.
1:06:37 > 1:06:39Sorry I let you down, boss.
1:06:40 > 1:06:42What? When did you let me down?
1:06:42 > 1:06:43Tonight.
1:06:43 > 1:06:48After I slipped my marker. I should have buried it.
1:06:48 > 1:06:50I don't think slipping your marker was the problem, Neil.
1:06:50 > 1:06:52I think maybe when you fell over.
1:06:52 > 1:06:54The first time?
1:06:54 > 1:06:57Well, to be honest, I don't think the second time helped, either.
1:06:58 > 1:07:00I skied the shot a bit, didn't I?
1:07:00 > 1:07:02Aye, just a wee bit.
1:07:02 > 1:07:04I think the ball's still rising now.
1:07:04 > 1:07:07I think Jodrell Bank has just picked it up.
1:07:07 > 1:07:09Must have hit a bobble.
1:07:09 > 1:07:11Blinking groundsman.
1:07:11 > 1:07:12Happens to the best of us.
1:07:12 > 1:07:14I wouldn't let it worry you.
1:07:14 > 1:07:16All the best, boss.
1:07:17 > 1:07:19It was you, by the way.
1:07:20 > 1:07:22What was?
1:07:23 > 1:07:27Remember when you asked me who the best signing I'd ever made was?
1:07:29 > 1:07:30It was you, mate.
1:07:30 > 1:07:32No contest.
1:08:09 > 1:08:10Neil.
1:08:10 > 1:08:14You hadn't forgotten, had you? I said I'd come as Nello and I did.
1:08:14 > 1:08:16I've brought the canary, too.
1:08:16 > 1:08:20It's not part of the act, it's for my mum.
1:08:20 > 1:08:23Could you come into the office for a minute, duck?
1:08:31 > 1:08:33It was very peaceful.
1:08:36 > 1:08:37Yes.
1:08:37 > 1:08:39She died in her sleep.
1:08:39 > 1:08:41And she died proud of you.
1:08:43 > 1:08:46We went in this morning and found her.
1:08:48 > 1:08:50This morning?
1:08:50 > 1:08:53That's right.
1:08:53 > 1:08:55I rang this morning.
1:08:56 > 1:08:58We wanted to tell you in person.
1:08:58 > 1:09:01We thought it was better that way.
1:09:05 > 1:09:07She didn't want me to leave.
1:09:09 > 1:09:12Last night.
1:09:12 > 1:09:14When I had to get my bus, she...
1:09:15 > 1:09:17She didn't want me to leave.
1:09:40 > 1:09:42- Morning.- Hiya.
1:10:49 > 1:10:50There aren't many mums
1:10:50 > 1:10:53who'd let their sons run off to join the circus.
1:10:54 > 1:10:56But my mum did.
1:10:57 > 1:11:01And she used to worry about my weight,
1:11:01 > 1:11:05and she tried to give me salad, but she meant well.
1:11:07 > 1:11:12And, after my dad died, we were a team.
1:11:12 > 1:11:14Like Stoke City.
1:11:14 > 1:11:18We were a team. And she worried about me.
1:11:18 > 1:11:21And she didn't have to worry about me.
1:11:21 > 1:11:23But she did anyway.
1:11:24 > 1:11:27And she taught me good manners.
1:11:27 > 1:11:30And that it's good to be nice to people.
1:11:32 > 1:11:33And that's what I try to be.
1:11:47 > 1:11:50Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.
1:11:50 > 1:11:51Thank you for coming.
1:11:53 > 1:11:54Thank you for coming.
1:11:55 > 1:11:56Thanks for coming.
1:12:00 > 1:12:02Anything you need, Neil, call me.
1:12:02 > 1:12:05I'm doing well, though, aren't I?
1:12:05 > 1:12:07You're doing very well. Yes.
1:12:08 > 1:12:11I suppose I've got time for the choir now.
1:12:11 > 1:12:14Why not? You OK for a lift?
1:12:14 > 1:12:15You're coming with me, aren't you?
1:12:17 > 1:12:19Am I? Oh, right.
1:12:20 > 1:12:22Mary would have loved the service today.
1:12:22 > 1:12:25I'm doing well, though, aren't I?
1:12:26 > 1:12:28You are, Neil. You really are.
1:12:38 > 1:12:40# He leadeth me
1:12:42 > 1:12:48# The quiet waters by
1:12:50 > 1:12:58# My soul he doth restore again
1:12:58 > 1:13:04# And me to walk doth make
1:13:06 > 1:13:14# Within the paths of righteousness
1:13:14 > 1:13:19# E'en for his own name's sake
1:13:22 > 1:13:29# Yea, though I walk in death's dark vale
1:13:29 > 1:13:35# Yet will I fear no ill
1:13:38 > 1:13:41# For thou art with me...#
1:13:41 > 1:13:44How much did you say it was?
1:13:44 > 1:13:468.27.
1:13:50 > 1:13:52Is Doris not in?
1:13:53 > 1:14:00# My table thou hast furnished me
1:14:00 > 1:14:06# In presence of my foes
1:14:08 > 1:14:15# My head thou dost with oil anoint
1:14:15 > 1:14:21# And my cup overflows. #
1:14:24 > 1:14:26Neil!
1:14:26 > 1:14:28Neil.
1:14:28 > 1:14:29You're going already?
1:14:29 > 1:14:31Yes.
1:14:32 > 1:14:33How are you coping?
1:14:33 > 1:14:35I'm coping well, yes.
1:14:35 > 1:14:37I'm doing well, aren't I?
1:15:01 > 1:15:03CHIRPING
1:15:16 > 1:15:18That's it.
1:15:18 > 1:15:19In you go.
1:15:19 > 1:15:22In you go, in you go. That's it.
1:15:24 > 1:15:25Say hello.
1:15:27 > 1:15:30Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.
1:15:41 > 1:15:44TELEPHONE RINGS
1:15:50 > 1:15:51RINGING CONTINUES
1:15:55 > 1:15:58- How you been keeping? - I'm doing well.
1:15:58 > 1:16:00Everybody says.
1:16:00 > 1:16:01I brought you a bit of shopping.
1:16:02 > 1:16:04Thanks.
1:16:05 > 1:16:08We're all bit worried about you, to be honest.
1:16:08 > 1:16:11Haven't seen you at the match the last three home games.
1:16:11 > 1:16:13I've been busy.
1:16:14 > 1:16:15Right.
1:16:15 > 1:16:18- Life goes on.- Right.
1:16:21 > 1:16:24And I'm doing well.
1:16:24 > 1:16:25So you keep saying.
1:16:30 > 1:16:32How are the birds doing?
1:16:32 > 1:16:34They're doing well. Yeah.
1:16:34 > 1:16:36Is that a new one? The white one?
1:16:36 > 1:16:38It's a budgie from Zippos.
1:16:38 > 1:16:40Norman Barrett give it me.
1:16:40 > 1:16:44It used to be part of his act but it's retired now.
1:16:44 > 1:16:46Bloody hell, Neil.
1:16:46 > 1:16:48Even your budgies are celebrities.
1:16:52 > 1:16:54Right. Freshers' week starts on Monday.
1:16:54 > 1:16:56You've got to get down there,
1:16:56 > 1:16:58snap up the good players for Neil Baldwin FC.
1:16:58 > 1:17:01I don't know if I'll bother this time.
1:17:01 > 1:17:04Me hip's been playing me up.
1:17:04 > 1:17:07You know your Mum'd want you to get out there, don't you?
1:17:07 > 1:17:09Doing what you're best at. Meeting people and that.
1:17:11 > 1:17:12She would. That's true.
1:17:13 > 1:17:16No time like the present.
1:17:16 > 1:17:17I don't know about that.
1:17:20 > 1:17:23I've heard the Union are doing two-for-one hot dogs.
1:17:26 > 1:17:28Does that include onions?
1:17:30 > 1:17:32I should imagine so, yeah.
1:18:35 > 1:18:38Neil? What are you doing here this time of night?
1:18:38 > 1:18:40Waiting for me lift.
1:18:40 > 1:18:42Looks like they forgot.
1:18:42 > 1:18:43Come on.
1:18:56 > 1:18:59You shouldn't be hanging round on your own this time of night.
1:18:59 > 1:19:02I wasn't hanging round. I was waiting for a lift.
1:19:02 > 1:19:04Which didn't come.
1:19:04 > 1:19:06No, but you did.
1:19:07 > 1:19:09What would you have done if I hadn't have turned up?
1:19:10 > 1:19:13You did turn up, though, didn't you?
1:19:13 > 1:19:14I know, but what if I hadn't?
1:19:16 > 1:19:18Somebody would have turned up.
1:19:18 > 1:19:22You can't go through life relying on something just turning up.
1:19:22 > 1:19:23Yes, you can.
1:19:23 > 1:19:25Well, I can, anyway.
1:19:30 > 1:19:32Hiya, Gary?
1:19:32 > 1:19:36You don't actually know me but I'm calling on behalf of Neil Baldwin.
1:19:36 > 1:19:37He's a very good friend of mine
1:19:37 > 1:19:41and I just wondered if you'd be kind enough to do us a huge favour...
1:19:41 > 1:19:42When do we play?
1:19:42 > 1:19:45Training every Sunday. Matches Wednesday afternoon.
1:19:45 > 1:19:47Right. Well, I play central midfield.
1:19:47 > 1:19:50Oh, you play where I tell you to play.
1:19:50 > 1:19:51I had trials for Macclesfield Town.
1:19:51 > 1:19:55The problem is, son, I play central midfield.
1:19:57 > 1:19:59This is a wind up, right?
1:19:59 > 1:20:01I'm just the club president, son.
1:20:01 > 1:20:04- It's the gaffer who makes the decisions.- See?
1:20:04 > 1:20:05Right.
1:20:07 > 1:20:09Thanks a lot.
1:20:09 > 1:20:10See you at the weekend.
1:20:17 > 1:20:18You, young man.
1:20:18 > 1:20:20This is a ball.
1:20:20 > 1:20:24All you've got to do is to stick that it in the back of the net.
1:20:24 > 1:20:25It's that simple.
1:20:25 > 1:20:27Neil. We're only playing the Christian Union.
1:20:27 > 1:20:29That's part of the problem.
1:20:29 > 1:20:31They've got the Lord on their side.
1:20:31 > 1:20:33You going to finish that pastie?
1:20:36 > 1:20:38Fitness problem, you have.
1:20:38 > 1:20:40I'm going to come on in the second half...
1:20:43 > 1:20:46..and play central midfield.
1:20:46 > 1:20:48I played for Stoke City.
1:20:48 > 1:20:50Let's never forget that.
1:20:50 > 1:20:52No. I don't suppose anybody ever will.
1:20:52 > 1:20:54- I thought you said you got a ref. - He'll be here.
1:20:54 > 1:20:57It's not that lad from Islamic Soc, is it?
1:20:57 > 1:21:00It looks like a strong wind would blow that guy over.
1:21:00 > 1:21:02I've got Premiership quality this time.
1:21:02 > 1:21:04Oh, right, Premiership?
1:21:04 > 1:21:05- Hi, Neil.- Uriah!
1:21:05 > 1:21:08- How are you?- All right, Uriah?
1:21:08 > 1:21:09I'm good thank you.
1:21:09 > 1:21:12Good to see you. This is Uriah Rennie, everyone.
1:21:12 > 1:21:14- Uriah Rennie.- Hi.
1:21:14 > 1:21:17- You all right, Uriah? - I'm good, how are you?
1:21:17 > 1:21:19Good to see you. Uriah Rennie.
1:21:21 > 1:21:23# Enjoy yourself
1:21:23 > 1:21:26# It's later that you think
1:21:26 > 1:21:29# Enjoy yourself
1:21:29 > 1:21:33# While you're still in the pink
1:21:33 > 1:21:37# The years go by
1:21:37 > 1:21:40# As quickly as a wink
1:21:40 > 1:21:44# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
1:21:44 > 1:21:46# It's later than you think
1:21:48 > 1:21:51# You worry when the weather's cold
1:21:51 > 1:21:54# You worry when it's hot
1:21:54 > 1:21:57# You worry when you're doing well
1:21:57 > 1:21:59# You worry when you're not
1:22:01 > 1:22:04# It's worry, worry, all the time
1:22:04 > 1:22:07# You don't know how to laugh
1:22:07 > 1:22:11# They'll think of something funny
1:22:11 > 1:22:13# When they write your epitaph.
1:22:15 > 1:22:17# Enjoy yourself
1:22:17 > 1:22:20# It's later that you think
1:22:20 > 1:22:23- Take it again, you're off your line. - There is no line!
1:22:24 > 1:22:26I'm booking you for dissent.
1:22:27 > 1:22:31# The years go by
1:22:31 > 1:22:35# As quickly as a wink
1:22:35 > 1:22:38# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
1:22:38 > 1:22:41# It's later than you think. #
1:22:46 > 1:22:47WHISTLE
1:22:51 > 1:22:53- COMMENTATOR:- The 1-2...
1:22:53 > 1:22:56And a good shot! What a goal! What a goal!
1:22:57 > 1:23:00# Enjoy yourself
1:23:00 > 1:23:03# It's later than you think
1:23:03 > 1:23:06# Enjoy yourself... #
1:23:07 > 1:23:13CHANTING: Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello! Nello!
1:23:23 > 1:23:27Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass.
1:23:27 > 1:23:29Taking the five loaves and the two fish,
1:23:29 > 1:23:33he looked up to heaven, and blessed...
1:23:33 > 1:23:37and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples...
1:23:39 > 1:23:42..and the disciples gave them to the crowds.
1:23:42 > 1:23:45And all ate and were filled.
1:23:46 > 1:23:49One of my favourites, feeding of the 5,000.
1:23:49 > 1:23:52Now why doesn't that surprise me, Neil?
1:23:54 > 1:23:57Never trust a man who doesn't like his food.
1:23:59 > 1:24:01I'm glad you enjoyed the sermon.
1:24:01 > 1:24:04I always enjoyed your sermons.
1:24:04 > 1:24:07That's why I told you you'd make bishop one day.
1:24:07 > 1:24:11It was like the first time I saw Mark Stein.
1:24:11 > 1:24:13I knew he was special, too.
1:24:13 > 1:24:14Mark Stein?
1:24:14 > 1:24:1733 Goals in 57 matches.
1:24:19 > 1:24:21I made you a card.
1:24:26 > 1:24:27To say well done, like.
1:24:27 > 1:24:29Thank you, Neil.
1:24:33 > 1:24:34Thank you.
1:24:36 > 1:24:37That means a lot.
1:24:39 > 1:24:41And I've got a cockatoo.
1:24:41 > 1:24:43Oh, no presents, I insist.
1:24:43 > 1:24:45The card is more than enough.
1:24:45 > 1:24:49No, no, no. The cockatoo is for me.
1:24:49 > 1:24:51Fosset's Circus give it me.
1:24:51 > 1:24:53It's got something wrong with its foot
1:24:53 > 1:24:55so it's not cut out for show business.
1:24:57 > 1:25:00It lands on my head every night, without fail.
1:25:02 > 1:25:06He said he give it me cos he knew I'd look after it, and I will.
1:25:06 > 1:25:08I'm sure you will.
1:25:08 > 1:25:11Your mum always said you had a real knack for looking after animals.
1:25:12 > 1:25:15She was proud of me, you know, Mum.
1:25:16 > 1:25:17She was, Neil.
1:25:19 > 1:25:21She was indeed.
1:25:28 > 1:25:31Can you drop me off on the way?
1:25:31 > 1:25:33Well, it's not really on my way.
1:25:33 > 1:25:35It is if you go that way to drop me off.
1:25:35 > 1:25:38- HE SIGHS:- Yes, of course, of course.
1:25:44 > 1:25:46Can we stop off at the Co-op?
1:25:46 > 1:25:49I've got a spot of shopping to do.
1:25:50 > 1:25:52Yeah, why not?
1:25:52 > 1:25:53Why not?
1:25:56 > 1:26:00CHOIR: # One Neil Baldwin
1:26:00 > 1:26:02# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:26:04 > 1:26:07# One Neil Baldwin
1:26:07 > 1:26:11# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:26:12 > 1:26:15# One Neil Baldwin
1:26:15 > 1:26:18# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:26:19 > 1:26:23# One Neil Baldwin
1:26:23 > 1:26:27# There's only one Neil Baldwin!
1:26:27 > 1:26:29# One Neil Baldwin
1:26:31 > 1:26:33# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:26:35 > 1:26:38# One Neil Baldwin
1:26:38 > 1:26:42# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:26:43 > 1:26:45# One Neil Baldwin
1:26:46 > 1:26:49# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:26:51 > 1:26:53# One Neil Baldwin
1:26:53 > 1:26:55APPLAUSE
1:26:59 > 1:27:01# One Neil Baldwin
1:27:02 > 1:27:05# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:27:05 > 1:27:08- CROWD:- # One Neil Baldwin!
1:27:08 > 1:27:11# There's only one Neil Baldwin. #
1:27:11 > 1:27:13CHEERING
1:27:13 > 1:27:16# One Neil Baldwin
1:27:17 > 1:27:19# There's only one Neil Baldwin
1:27:21 > 1:27:24# One Neil Baldwin
1:27:25 > 1:27:29# There's only one Neil Baldwin. #