0:00:04 > 0:00:06I don't know about you,
0:00:06 > 0:00:09but to me there's something a bit funny about tortoises.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11The way even the teenagers are wrinkly.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14I bet that leads to some awkward moments.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16"Oh, Brian, I love you so much. How old are you?"
0:00:16 > 0:00:19"I'm 17. How old are you, Janet?"
0:00:19 > 0:00:23"I'm 86." "Goodness me. You're old enough to be my grandmother."
0:00:23 > 0:00:24"Yeah, actually, Brian,
0:00:24 > 0:00:26- "I- AM- your grandmother."
0:00:26 > 0:00:28But the story I want to tell you,
0:00:28 > 0:00:32although it does involve tortoises, it doesn't begin with a tortoise.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35It begins with a man called Mr Hoppy.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38'Mr Hoppy, the hero of our story,
0:00:38 > 0:00:43'lived in a nice flat in an apartment block in London.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46'There are three things you should know about Mr Hoppy.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48'He's kind...
0:00:48 > 0:00:50'he's shy...
0:00:50 > 0:00:54'and most importantly - he's not that guy in the hat.'
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Oh, are you OK, Mr Mavrokoukoudopolous?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58'He's the man in the lift.'
0:00:58 > 0:01:02No rush, Mr Mavrokoukoudopolous. I'm holding the door.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- Take your ti... - Whoa!
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Ah!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21You care for a crisp, Mr Pringle?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Ah, yes.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Lovely.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31'And don't worry if he doesn't look the flashiest of fellows.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33'I've learnt that very often in life,
0:01:33 > 0:01:34'it's the quiet, unassuming ones
0:01:34 > 0:01:37'who turn out to be the most interesting.'
0:01:48 > 0:01:49HE SIGHS
0:01:49 > 0:01:51I'll have to fix that.
0:01:56 > 0:02:01MUSIC FROM STEREO: A Kiss To Build A Dream On by Louis Armstrong
0:02:01 > 0:02:02HE TURNS VOLUME UP
0:02:03 > 0:02:06HE SINGS ALONG: # Give me a kiss to build a dream on... #
0:02:06 > 0:02:09'I think we can safely say Mr Hoppy lives alone.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11'Either that or his family are very small eaters
0:02:11 > 0:02:14'and all having a sleep at the moment.'
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Bom bom bom...
0:02:16 > 0:02:19'No. He lives alone.'
0:02:25 > 0:02:29# Give me a kiss before you leave me... #
0:02:29 > 0:02:30'But don't worry,
0:02:30 > 0:02:33'this isn't going to be one of those stories where a lonely bloke
0:02:33 > 0:02:34'wanders around a flat for two hours
0:02:34 > 0:02:37'and then dies alone of a horrible disease.
0:02:37 > 0:02:42'It's going to be full of passion and surprises -
0:02:42 > 0:02:45'as indeed is our Mr Hoppy.'
0:02:45 > 0:02:48MUSIC CONTINUES
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Raspberry Cream, meet Wisley Vanilla.
0:03:28 > 0:03:33# Oh, give me your lips for just a moment
0:03:33 > 0:03:36# And my imagination
0:03:36 > 0:03:39# Will make that moment live
0:03:39 > 0:03:43# Oh, give me what you alone can give
0:03:43 > 0:03:50# A kiss to build a dream on. #
0:03:50 > 0:03:54The truth is there were two loves in Mr Hoppy's life.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56One was his flowers
0:03:56 > 0:03:59and the other was a secret love he kept all to himself.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01And like so many secrets,
0:04:01 > 0:04:04it was the most important thing of all about him.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Because Mr Hoppy was in love...
0:04:07 > 0:04:09with the girl downstairs.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16WOMAN: Good morning, Mr Hoppy.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Ah.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Mrs Silver.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Hello.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27Hello.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34By the way, our story is mainly concerned with this -
0:04:34 > 0:04:35the second love.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39If you want to find out about the flowers, watch Gardeners' World.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I mean, I like plants as much as the next bloke, but this is very much
0:04:42 > 0:04:45not a "will or won't the dahlias blossom before the frost kicks in?"
0:04:45 > 0:04:47type of thing.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Oh, wait, I think that's mine. Hey!
0:04:49 > 0:04:50Hey!
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Another absolutely gorgeous morning.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Yes. Gorgeous. Absolutely.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Another one of them.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03The sort of weather that makes me want to just
0:05:03 > 0:05:07take off all my clothes and dive naked into the nearest lake.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Don't you think, Mr Hoppy?
0:05:11 > 0:05:12- Mr Hoppy?- Yes.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Yes, yes.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Perfect weather for jumping into lakes
0:05:17 > 0:05:19wearing very little.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22'Sadly, Mr Hoppy was so shy,
0:05:22 > 0:05:25'he couldn't even ask Mrs Silver round for a cup of tea...'
0:05:25 > 0:05:28let alone dive stark naked into a lake with her.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32But he loved her.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36And he remembered the precise moment he'd fallen in love.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40'Which happened to be the first moment he ever met her -
0:05:40 > 0:05:41'five years ago.'
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Hold that lift!
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Oh, thank you so much, you darling man.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Oh, they won't be long.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- What floor are you? - Four.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Oh, isn't that lucky? I'm moving in on three, below you.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I hope you're not one of those rowdy types,
0:05:59 > 0:06:01keeping me up all night with your hip-hop stylings.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04No. But my name is Mr Hoppy, in fact.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Hoppy. Oh, what a gorgeous name!
0:06:08 > 0:06:10And do I detect a little American accent there?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Well, yes, I am an American.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Oh, how divine. Oh, you're a gorgeous bunch.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17From Cary Grant to Paul Newman,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I can't keep my hands off the lot of you!
0:06:19 > 0:06:24Oh, I'm Mrs Silver. Lavinia. Facebook status - widowed.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Ah. My Facebook status is "I'm not in the Facebook".
0:06:27 > 0:06:29No. Too busy living, I expect.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Oh, come in, boys. We've held the lift.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Come in.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Would it be easier if I maybe took the next one,
0:06:38 > 0:06:40give you a little more room?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42No, no, it's just getting cosy!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Wonderfully quiet lift.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- That's very good news.- Yes.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I don't think anyone's actually pushed a button yet.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Oh!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00I'm such a silly sausage sometimes.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Ooh! SHE CHUCKLES
0:07:03 > 0:07:05You're four. I'm three.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Perhaps I should press two and one as well and give us
0:07:08 > 0:07:10more time to get to know each other.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13'He never forgot that first brief encounter'
0:07:13 > 0:07:15and every time he met her from then on
0:07:15 > 0:07:19just made him love her even more. Summer.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20ELEVATOR BELL DINGS
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Don't you just love it when summer finally comes?
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Autumn.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Oh.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Always such a relief when summer's over.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Mm.
0:07:39 > 0:07:40'Winter.'
0:07:42 > 0:07:44This is so much my favourite time of year.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Spring.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Oh.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Spring at last!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Doing something special tonight, Mrs Silver?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Us midwives are going out for a good old knees-up.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Funny when you think of it - when we spent our entire careers
0:08:10 > 0:08:13extracting babies from women lying with their knees up.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Oh... I... I didn't know you were a midwife.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Retired.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I just thought if I can't have kids myself,
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I might as well just help others to have them.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26How wonderful.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Well, perhaps you could come with me, Mr Hoppy?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- You could waltz me off my feet. - Oh, no. I... I...
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- I'm not a dancer. - Nonsense.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36There's no such thing as "not a dancer" -
0:08:36 > 0:08:40just a person who's never found the right girl to dance with.
0:08:40 > 0:08:45You're American, for heaven's sake - the land that brought us
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Fred Astaire and John Travolta and...
0:08:47 > 0:08:50that naughty little Justin Timberlake.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51I know you can dance.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53- No, no, I can't. - Can!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55No, I can't.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56Can!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58No, I really can't.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00You bloody well can!
0:09:00 > 0:09:02SHE HUMS HAPPILY
0:09:04 > 0:09:08'He loved her and longed for her to love him back
0:09:08 > 0:09:11'but there really were a lot of problems.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15'For one thing, unlike Mr Hoppy, Mrs Silver didn't live alone.
0:09:15 > 0:09:20'Well, she did for a while, but then she did something about it.'
0:09:20 > 0:09:22DOORBELL RINGS
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Ooh, ooh, ooh!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Oh! Well, hooray!
0:09:33 > 0:09:37This is honestly the most exciting moment of my life.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Come in. Come in!
0:09:39 > 0:09:41'She just went and got herself a new chap.'
0:09:41 > 0:09:43A chap called Alfie.
0:09:43 > 0:09:50Well...you are more gorgeous than I could possibly have dreamed.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59Oh, my darling. What heaven.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02We're going to have such a wonderful life together.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10'From then on, Mrs Silver dedicated all her love
0:10:10 > 0:10:13'and attention to her wrinkly companion.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16'And although he wasn't the world's greatest conversationalist,
0:10:16 > 0:10:19'she did quite enough talking for the both of them.'
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Look, Alfie, that's me on my wedding day.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26I'm not so sure about that dress any longer.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Rather too much bust, I think you'll agree.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30SHE CHUCKLES
0:10:30 > 0:10:33Oh, and that chap there - that's my husband.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Look how tall he is. 6'3".
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I only came up to his chest hair.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I never once saw the top of his head.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47More a giant than a man.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51A wonderful posture.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55He was a perfect English gent...
0:10:55 > 0:10:57and a prize-winning dancer.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Oh, he was so, so kind.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03The things we were going to do. And the...
0:11:03 > 0:11:06places we were going to go and the...
0:11:08 > 0:11:10..life we were going to lead.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28Oh, that's enough of me gabbing on. You must be exhausted.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Time for your nap, my gorgeous.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40I love you so much. I really do.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Even your little stubby legs.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45SHE CHUCKLES
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Our love will last a lifetime, Alfie.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Sweet dreams.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57'Oh, how Mr Hoppy wished she was saying those words to him.'
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Not the ones about the little stubby legs, obviously,
0:12:00 > 0:12:02but the others, about love.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05His life was now terribly complicated -
0:12:05 > 0:12:08head over heels in love with a woman whose only interest in life
0:12:08 > 0:12:10was a small tortoise.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13If only he could find the words to convince her of his love.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18If only I'd been paying attention. I think I'm on the wrong bus.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20That's the problem with stories.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22You get swept up in them, you lose track.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Does he get anywhere? Does she fall in love with him?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27You're going to have to wait, I'm afraid.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28PASSENGERS GROAN
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Mr Hoppy knew he had to say something.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33He had to tell her how he felt.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Hello.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Again.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Isn't this perfect?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Grab joy while you can, I say.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Oh...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48You're right, completely right.
0:12:48 > 0:12:54And I was...just thinking...
0:12:54 > 0:12:56wondering, uh...
0:12:56 > 0:12:58whether...
0:12:58 > 0:13:02And the thing of it is, we've been neighbours for years.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04You live alone and I live alone...
0:13:04 > 0:13:05JAZZ PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES
0:13:05 > 0:13:08I just wondered whether...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11..you know...
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Oh, no, you're...
0:13:17 > 0:13:20You're right, best, best leave things as they are.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26On the contrary,
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I think you've got a very good point.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32It's high time we got to know each other.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34How about dinner tonight?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- That's very kind of... - Excellent.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I'll pop round about six.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Open-neck shirt, possibly, give you a glimpse of the old tan, eh?
0:13:43 > 0:13:44HE CHUCKLES
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Yummy.
0:13:51 > 0:13:56So, Hoppy, it's wonderful to have a chance to really,
0:13:56 > 0:13:58really get to know you.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Find out about the man behind the mask, as it were.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Yes, well, I...
0:14:01 > 0:14:04It's so easy, in life, to pass people in the lift
0:14:04 > 0:14:07and never really get to grips with who they are, where they come from.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- That's so true. - So, tell me everything -
0:14:10 > 0:14:13where you were born, where you grew up, what job you did,
0:14:13 > 0:14:17love, life, back problems - the whole caboodle.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Well, start at the beginning. - Well...- Born?
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Well, yes, I was born...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Never match my story, I suspect.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26I was born in the back of a Volkswagen Beetle
0:14:26 > 0:14:27on Waterloo Bridge.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31- Oh.- Dad went over a speed bump and out I plopped.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Well, that's his story anyway.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- Oh, well, I-I-I... - It was downhill from there, really.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Dad was in sausages, we moved to Germany.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39I spent from two until eight
0:14:39 > 0:14:43feasting on frankfurters und bratwurst,
0:14:43 > 0:14:47and then sent straight back here to boarding school.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48You board?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51- No, no... - Got used to it, though.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Made a wonderful friend, Isherwood.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Huge feet...
0:14:56 > 0:14:57tiny ears.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Are you done?
0:14:58 > 0:15:02So there I was, assistant manager.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Only 23.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07Still allergic to cats, unfortunately, but...
0:15:07 > 0:15:11"You must be joking, Giles," I said, and walked straight out,
0:15:11 > 0:15:13still in full Wonder Woman costume...
0:15:13 > 0:15:15A whole octopus!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17HE CACKLES
0:15:19 > 0:15:23But that's enough about me - what about you?
0:15:23 > 0:15:24BELLS TOLL
0:15:24 > 0:15:28- Well, we may have to do me next time.- Nonsense.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31What brought you to England? The full story.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33OK. Ah.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37My parents brought me here when I was ten...
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- No, you're right.- Unfortunately... - It's too late.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44Let's do same time next month.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45It's all about you.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52But don't let me forget to tell you about the Alsatian
0:15:52 > 0:15:53and my corduroy trousers.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54HE CHUCKLES
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Well. That's the way it goes, I guess.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12'Mr Hoppy went to bed that night feeling terribly alone.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17'Knowing in his bones that he always would be alone.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20'No Mrs Silver for him.'
0:16:20 > 0:16:21Ow!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23'He couldn't help but wonder,
0:16:23 > 0:16:25'is this all there is?
0:16:25 > 0:16:30'Old age is scary and all downhill.'
0:16:30 > 0:16:31HE COUGHS
0:16:44 > 0:16:48But the very next morning, a conversation occurred
0:16:48 > 0:16:51that changed Mr Hoppy's life.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Good morning, Mrs Silver. Alfie's looking well this morning.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Likes his food.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Yes. Well, we both live in hope.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Oh.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05What are you both hoping for?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Well, obviously, that he'll grow a little faster.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Every month I weigh him on the kitchen scales,
0:17:10 > 0:17:11he never puts on an ounce.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Well, no, I believe tortoises come in different sizes.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17There's nothing wrong with Alfie being one of the small ones.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Oh, don't be silly.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Just think how miserable it must make him to feel so titchy.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Mm.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29We've been stuck on 13oz since the day he arrived.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Didn't you want to be taller when you were growing up?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I guess I did.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Yes.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38When...
0:17:40 > 0:17:43When I was a kid, I used to wear thick socks to bed.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- What, to make yourself grow taller? - Right.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48I actually read that "The warmer your feet,
0:17:48 > 0:17:51"the deeper you sleep, the more you grow."
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- SHE CHUCKLES - But sadly, all I got was...
0:17:54 > 0:17:55stinky feet.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Oh, no... Well, I was tiny too.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Oh.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04And then when I was 11, a boy in my class told me
0:18:04 > 0:18:06that kissing made you grow taller.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- No!- Yes.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10So I paid him sixpence every day to kiss me.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Well, you have to hand it to him.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17And I did hand it to him. On a plate.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Every morning at break.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- Mind you, it did make me- FEEL- taller.
0:18:24 > 0:18:27A kiss does that, don't you think, Mr Hoppy?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I believe it does.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Oh, no.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Size is very important.
0:18:36 > 0:18:40And Alfie's just at the beginning of his size journey.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50'That was the seed that planted the idea.'
0:18:50 > 0:18:54And the next day, it got a proper, full-scale watering.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Alfie any bigger today, Mrs S?
0:18:57 > 0:18:58Not a jot.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02But I am knitting him some little socks, just in case.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05But I'm not giving up.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09One day, I'll find the right food, and the right exercise regime,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11and the right vitamin supplement,
0:19:11 > 0:19:13probably something to do with fish oil.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Then at last we'll both be happy, won't we, darling?
0:19:16 > 0:19:22So, you don't think you'll ever be totally happy until he grows?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I'm afraid not, Mr Hoppy.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28Come on, pipsqueak, finish your strawberry.
0:19:28 > 0:19:32'And that night, the seed that had been watered blossomed.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36'And in Mr Hoppy's brain flowered a plan to make Mrs Silver happy.
0:19:36 > 0:19:40'And he thought if he could make her happy then maybe, just maybe,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43'he might be worthy of winning her heart.'
0:19:48 > 0:19:51HE MUMBLES
0:19:55 > 0:19:56Esio Trot.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20HE SIGHS
0:20:35 > 0:20:37HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Mrs Silver.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Oh, yes?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I think I may just be able to help with the
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Alfie-being-disappointedly-tiny
0:20:46 > 0:20:48month-after-month thing.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Oh, Mr Hoppy.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52If only you could, I would love you for the rest of my days.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56Oh. That'd be very nice.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01The thing is, last night, I suddenly remembered a conversation
0:21:01 > 0:21:03I once had with a friend at the airline
0:21:03 > 0:21:05who'd been a pilot in North Africa
0:21:05 > 0:21:10and he told me a conversation that he once had with a Bedouin tribesman
0:21:10 > 0:21:16who told him an extraordinary tortoise-size-related secret.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- Really? - Yes.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Oh, tell me! I beg you, Mr Hoppy.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22Mrs Silver...
0:21:25 > 0:21:30..I am going to lower this...
0:21:30 > 0:21:32this piece of paper.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37And, by the way, you were right.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Alfie can get bigger. But...
0:21:39 > 0:21:41you must read this.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44How exciting! What is it?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47It's a Bedouin tortoise chant.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Oh, good lord.
0:21:51 > 0:21:57"Esio Trot, Esio Trot...
0:21:57 > 0:22:00"teg reggib reggib..."
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Hoppy,
0:22:03 > 0:22:06I don't understand. Is this in another language?
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Yes and no.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Now, according to the Bedouin...
0:22:12 > 0:22:15..tortoises are very backwards creatures.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19So, therefore it's logical that they would only understand words
0:22:19 > 0:22:21that are spoken backwards, you see.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Oh, I see. So "Esio Trot" is "tortoise" backwards.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- Yes.- Oh! Oh, yes.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30"Esio Trot, Esio Trot..." Yes.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34"Emoc no, Esio Trot.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36"Worg pu...
0:22:36 > 0:22:39HE MOUTHS "..ffup pu, toohs pu."
0:22:39 > 0:22:41There's a lot of "pu's" in it.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45Yes. Yes. Yes. Pu is a very powerful word in any language.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49Are you having me on, Mr Hoppy? Is this serious?
0:22:49 > 0:22:53Mrs Silver, I have never been more serious in my life.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Well...I suppose it could be true.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58The world's full of wonders.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02I once heard that a cockroach can live for two weeks without a head.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- Is that right?- Well, apparently.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06And bats always turn left
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- when they leave the cave. - Yes, I heard that.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10And dolphins understand French.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- Really? - So, I suppose this could work.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19What this is really saying is "Tortoise, tortoise,
0:23:19 > 0:23:21"get bigger, bigger."
0:23:21 > 0:23:22Er...
0:23:22 > 0:23:25"Grow up, puff up, shoot up" -
0:23:25 > 0:23:26not what they mean these days.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Oh, that's a relief.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31"Spring up", "blow up"...
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Again, not the violent version.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34"Swell up."
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Um, er...
0:23:37 > 0:23:42- BOTH:- "Gorge, guzzle, stuff, gulp.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45"Put on fat, tortoise, put on fat.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47"Get on! Get on!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49"Gobble food."
0:23:49 > 0:23:50That's it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52SHE GASPS
0:23:52 > 0:23:54And if my memory serves me correct,
0:23:54 > 0:23:57my friend told me that all you have to do is pick up little Alfie
0:23:57 > 0:23:59right up to your face and say it three times a day,
0:23:59 > 0:24:01morning, noon and night.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- And if you do it... - What time at night?
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Before dinner.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- And if you do it properly... - His dinner or my dinner?
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- Does it matter? - Well, you tell me.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- You're the one with all the inside Bedouin knowledge.- Yes.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Quite right. Before your dinner.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20And I'm betting that by the end of the month,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22he'll be twice the size he is now.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25And that's a conservative estimate, Mrs Silver.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Well, goodness. I can't believe it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32But if it works, oh, Mr H,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35I'll never be able to thank you enough.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39You'll be the marvellous man who made all my dreams come true.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Well, wouldn't that be wonderful?
0:24:44 > 0:24:46"Esio Trot, Esio Trot..."
0:24:46 > 0:24:50'Suddenly, for the first time ever,
0:24:50 > 0:24:54'the happiness of two human beings rested entirely
0:24:54 > 0:24:59'on the possibility of a small tortoise becoming a big tortoise.'
0:24:59 > 0:25:03Which, of course, was a very serious issue indeed
0:25:03 > 0:25:06because what Mr Hoppy had devised here was no simple thing.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09It was, and I won't mince my words here,
0:25:09 > 0:25:14the greatest and most complicated plan in the long and noble history
0:25:14 > 0:25:16of tortoise-based tale-telling.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25I have 16 tortoises for sale. From small to large to enormous.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Each one comes with its own certificate,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32and you should know I do not sell any animal without first
0:25:32 > 0:25:36assuring myself that it's going to a good, caring home.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40- How many do you want? - I'll take all 16.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41I'll bag 'em up.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I don't really need the enormous ones...
0:25:43 > 0:25:45I'll chuck 'em in for free anyway.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49All the big money is in guinea pigs these days.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. - That's all right.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43- I don't actually have any tortoises. - OK.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46But I've got a lovely iguana out back. You want to see it?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48It's tempting, but no.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Or I've got a weasel going very cheap-cheap cheap-cheap.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52I just need tortoises.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54I've got a snake - I could chop it in half
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- and put a seashell on its back. - It's lovely meeting you.
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Or I could shave a hedgehog. No-one would ever know.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02I've done it before.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34That's probably enough.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Oh, no! Go back.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Go back. Go back.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46I really must fix that.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50FROM OUTSIDE: '"Esio Trot, Esio Trot,'
0:27:50 > 0:27:52"teg reggib, reggib.
0:27:54 > 0:27:59"Worg pu, ffup pu, toohs pu,
0:27:59 > 0:28:03"gnirps pu, wolb pu..."
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Well, thank goodness I'm not asking you to sip up anything.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11All right, darling,
0:28:11 > 0:28:14I'm just popping out to get you some delicious cabbage.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22I'll be back in half an hour.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Action time.
0:28:44 > 0:28:45OK.
0:28:46 > 0:28:48No - too heavy.
0:28:52 > 0:28:53Too light.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Just perfect. 2oz more than Alfie.
0:29:01 > 0:29:05You, sir, are the chosen one.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17No! Or you're going back to the pet shop.
0:29:17 > 0:29:18Stay there.
0:29:26 > 0:29:28OK, team...
0:29:30 > 0:29:31..this is it.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52You can do this.
0:29:52 > 0:29:53You can do this.
0:29:56 > 0:29:57You can't do this.
0:29:59 > 0:30:00I can't do this.
0:30:06 > 0:30:07(Hang in there, Alfie 2.)
0:30:11 > 0:30:13HE SIGHS
0:30:19 > 0:30:21HE BREATHES NERVOUSLY
0:30:30 > 0:30:32CREAKING
0:30:51 > 0:30:52Ah!
0:30:57 > 0:30:59HE GROANS
0:31:01 > 0:31:02HE SCREAMS
0:31:08 > 0:31:09Good afternoon.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12Sorry to bother you.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18My name is Mr Hoppy and I...
0:31:18 > 0:31:21I live a couple of floors up.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Mummy says I mustn't talk to strangers.
0:31:23 > 0:31:26No. Quite right. Well done, Mum.
0:31:26 > 0:31:29Are you about to offer me sweets and then kidnap me?
0:31:29 > 0:31:31No, I'm not.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33That's a relief.
0:31:33 > 0:31:37But, as I said, I do...
0:31:37 > 0:31:40actually live in this building.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42I've never seen you.
0:31:42 > 0:31:43Well...
0:31:44 > 0:31:46..I sort of keep myself to myself.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Weirdos always do.
0:31:48 > 0:31:53Well, be that as it may, do you think you could be a good boy
0:31:53 > 0:31:57and get your mummy to help me onto your balcony?
0:31:57 > 0:32:00Why would I do that? That would be a crazy thing to do.
0:32:07 > 0:32:08Mummy, Mummy, come and look.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10No, Philip. I will not come and look.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- A nasty dwarf is- NOT- trying to climb onto our balcony.
0:32:13 > 0:32:17- But, Mummy!- No more scary movies for you, young man.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- Mummy! - Philip, darling, I'm doing dinner.
0:32:23 > 0:32:27So Mr Hoppy decided to abandon Plan A - the ladder.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30But, happily, he knew the fundamental rule of life was that
0:32:30 > 0:32:33if Plan A fails, Plan B will usually succeed.
0:32:33 > 0:32:38And if Plan B doesn't add up, then Plan C always works every time.
0:32:38 > 0:32:41The only tiny problem was he didn't have a Plan B...
0:32:43 > 0:32:44..or a Plan C.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49'So, where did this leave Mr Hoppy?
0:32:53 > 0:32:57'Was he out for the count? Done for? Doomed?
0:32:57 > 0:33:00'Was he going to give up? Admit defeat?'
0:33:08 > 0:33:09Wait a minute.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11Of course he wasn't!
0:33:11 > 0:33:13This is Mr Hoppy we're talking about.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16The Hopster! The Hippity Hop Meister!
0:33:19 > 0:33:21He had a plan - Plan D.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Let's go.
0:34:28 > 0:34:29ELEVATOR BELL DINGS
0:34:29 > 0:34:32- Oh! - Oh! Hello, Mr Hoppy.
0:34:32 > 0:34:33Hello.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36Good lord. What have you got there?
0:34:36 > 0:34:37Oh, er...
0:34:37 > 0:34:41It looks like a huge fishing rod for catching jellyfish or something.
0:34:41 > 0:34:45Yes, it is a huge fishing rod for catching jellyfish.
0:34:45 > 0:34:48What on Earth do you want that for?
0:34:48 > 0:34:51Well, that's a very good question. But, er...
0:34:51 > 0:34:53the answer's pretty simple.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58All my life I wanted to catch a jellyfish.
0:34:58 > 0:35:00I got bitten by one...
0:35:00 > 0:35:02and I wanted to seek my revenge,
0:35:02 > 0:35:07so I thought the time had come to get a huge fishing rod
0:35:07 > 0:35:12and do just that - catch a...huge jellyfish.
0:35:12 > 0:35:15Well! What a thing! CHUCKLES
0:35:15 > 0:35:17Yes.
0:35:17 > 0:35:18Well...
0:35:21 > 0:35:24- LIFT PINGS - So, you're...
0:35:24 > 0:35:26You're looking...
0:35:26 > 0:35:29very nice, Mrs Silver. Where are you off to?
0:35:29 > 0:35:31A dance marathon, at the community centre.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34For charity. You know?
0:35:34 > 0:35:35Chi-Chi-Chi!
0:35:35 > 0:35:38We're hoping for a lot of sponsors.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43Well...it's for charity.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45Oh...
0:35:45 > 0:35:47Oh, maybe I could be a sponsor too.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50- Well, that would be wonderful! - Yes, why not?
0:35:50 > 0:35:53Put me, erm...down for a pound.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55A pound? Oh!
0:35:55 > 0:35:56Right, lovely.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59Er... No, that's...very kind.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03By which I mean...
0:36:03 > 0:36:05a pound a minute, of course.
0:36:07 > 0:36:09- A pound a minute?!- Yes.
0:36:09 > 0:36:11- That's incredible!- Is it?
0:36:11 > 0:36:14- Oh, yes. Most people sponsor by the hour.- They do?
0:36:14 > 0:36:19Well, yes, because it's a marathon. I mean, a pound a minute?!
0:36:19 > 0:36:20That's marvellous!
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- A marathon. - Oh, it's really inspired me.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26- Oh.- Ooh! A pound a minute?- Yes.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30- Well... Well, come and watch. You'll have a marvellous time.- Yes.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS
0:36:50 > 0:36:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:54 > 0:36:56MUSIC CONTINUES
0:37:03 > 0:37:06- Do you want to stop now, Mrs Silver? - How long have I done?
0:37:06 > 0:37:09Erm... Four hours and fifty minutes.
0:37:09 > 0:37:14- How many minutes is that in total? - Erm...- £290.- 290 minutes.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17Oh, yes. I think it's time for me last waltz.
0:37:17 > 0:37:19Oh!
0:37:19 > 0:37:21Would anyone care to partner me?
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Someone...
0:37:23 > 0:37:26Anyone...
0:37:26 > 0:37:28Someone?
0:37:28 > 0:37:29Come on...
0:37:38 > 0:37:39Thanks.
0:37:39 > 0:37:41Mr Pringle!
0:37:41 > 0:37:42Oh!
0:37:42 > 0:37:46Well, before we start, I'd like to thank the man who sponsored me
0:37:46 > 0:37:50a pound a minute... For every minute of my marathon.
0:37:50 > 0:37:54He used to be quite well off. Now he's the poorest man I know.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56LAUGHTER Mr Hoppy.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58- APPLAUSE - Bravo!
0:37:58 > 0:38:00CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
0:38:00 > 0:38:02BAND BEGINS TO PLAY
0:38:19 > 0:38:23- Thank you so much.- Oh, not at all. Don't mention it.
0:38:23 > 0:38:27- The charity must mean a lot to you. - Er... Oh, yes. Absolutely.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29Very close to my heart.
0:38:29 > 0:38:31Oh, really?
0:38:31 > 0:38:33My grandfather was in a wheelchair.
0:38:33 > 0:38:38Thank you so much. Training guide dogs is such an important cause.
0:38:41 > 0:38:43He'd had a terrible fall.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45Being blind.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47I'll just go get the money.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19- SIGHS - The price of love.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25# Chi-Chi-Chi
0:39:28 > 0:39:30# Di-di, di-di-di... #
0:39:54 > 0:39:56OK, Alfie.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59You're about to go for the ride of your life.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40Well, well. We meet at last.
0:40:40 > 0:40:43Both in love with the same girl.
0:40:43 > 0:40:44Yes, we are.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48You want to know something, young man?
0:40:48 > 0:40:51If I could have been anyone in the history of the world,
0:40:51 > 0:40:55I wouldn't have been Julius Caesar or Leonardo Da Vinci,
0:40:55 > 0:40:59not even the great Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong. No.
0:40:59 > 0:41:00You know what I would have been?
0:41:02 > 0:41:03I would have been you.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07Cos you're a lucky guy.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17OK, this is it.
0:41:17 > 0:41:20I hope you're not shy, Alfie.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23If you are, this is going to be a traumatic point. See?
0:41:23 > 0:41:25It's just like the first day of school.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28Over there's the tough gang. Probably smoking.
0:41:28 > 0:41:32And right over there, the jocks going for gold.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34Never opened a book in their lives.
0:41:34 > 0:41:37And here's the ones whose parents should really be worried.
0:41:37 > 0:41:38Don't look.
0:41:40 > 0:41:43Good luck, Alfie.
0:41:43 > 0:41:44Life part two starts here.
0:41:46 > 0:41:47Here you go.
0:41:49 > 0:41:50Here you go.
0:41:52 > 0:41:53Make some friends.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59As for you, Alfie 2, give my love to the most delightful,
0:41:59 > 0:42:01exotic woman in the world.
0:42:38 > 0:42:39Hm-hm.
0:42:47 > 0:42:48FRONT DOOR OPENS
0:42:48 > 0:42:50'Hello, my darling!
0:42:50 > 0:42:54Where's my lovely boy? Have you missed me?'
0:42:58 > 0:42:59Oh...
0:43:00 > 0:43:01Oh, my goodness!
0:43:03 > 0:43:06That's very strange!
0:43:06 > 0:43:09- Everything all right, Mrs Silver?- No...
0:43:09 > 0:43:12Something very odd has happened.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15- Very odd?- Yes.
0:43:15 > 0:43:17This isn't my Alfie.
0:43:18 > 0:43:20Not your Alfie?
0:43:20 > 0:43:21Not at all.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28- Are you sure? - Well, of course I'm sure!
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Oh, OK. OK...
0:43:31 > 0:43:34Oh, God! Er...
0:43:34 > 0:43:37Mrs Silver, I... I... I have a huge conf...
0:43:37 > 0:43:41Usually his morning feed lasts him all day, but I've come back and...
0:43:41 > 0:43:44And it's all gone. He's eaten the lot.
0:43:44 > 0:43:47Well, that's not like my Alfie at all!
0:43:49 > 0:43:50Oh...
0:43:50 > 0:43:53- Oh, my gorgeous goodness!- Hm.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55- It's working!- Mm.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58- Your spell's doubled his appetite! - Mm-hm.
0:43:58 > 0:44:02Mr Hoppy! Oh! This is very, very exciting!
0:44:02 > 0:44:04- HE SIGHS - Isn't it ever!
0:44:04 > 0:44:05Oh!
0:44:07 > 0:44:09- WHISPERING:- Alfie!
0:44:09 > 0:44:11She didn't notice a thing.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14I'm quite a happy Hoppy!
0:44:16 > 0:44:19I'm..quite...a...happy...Hoppy!
0:44:19 > 0:44:21Yes, I am!
0:44:21 > 0:44:24Happy Hoppy! Yes, yes, yes!
0:44:24 > 0:44:26Alfie! We did it!
0:44:29 > 0:44:32Spot of tea? Come on!
0:44:32 > 0:44:36Mr Hoppy's secret plan was a cunning one. See,
0:44:36 > 0:44:40If a creature grows slowly enough, you'll never notice it grows at all.
0:44:40 > 0:44:43Be a very different story if it happened all at once.
0:44:43 > 0:44:45Let's say you had a small puppy.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48You drop it off at school in the morning
0:44:48 > 0:44:50and pat its little head goodbye.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52- Bye.- Bye-bye.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58Then you come back in the afternoon...
0:44:58 > 0:45:01- Argh! Mummy!- Down boy! Sit!
0:45:01 > 0:45:03DOG BARKS
0:45:03 > 0:45:08Not nice. But do it gradually and you get away with growing.
0:45:08 > 0:45:09- Dad, you're late!- I'm sorry,
0:45:09 > 0:45:11Roberta. I caught the wrong bus.
0:45:11 > 0:45:15I was telling them about Mr Hoppy. I got carried away.
0:45:15 > 0:45:18Where have you got to? Have you got to the death scene yet?
0:45:19 > 0:45:21Sorry!
0:45:21 > 0:45:24So, Mr Hoppy had completed his first tortoise swap.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27Now all he had to do was keep swapping every couple of days
0:45:27 > 0:45:31until Alfie doubled in size, whilst living with 100 tortoises.
0:45:31 > 0:45:34# Hello, Dolly
0:45:34 > 0:45:37# This is Louis, Dolly
0:45:37 > 0:45:41# It's so nice to have you back where you belong
0:45:43 > 0:45:46# You're lookin' swell, Dolly
0:45:46 > 0:45:49# I can tell, Dolly
0:45:49 > 0:45:51# You're still glowin'
0:45:51 > 0:45:52# You're still crowin'
0:45:52 > 0:45:55# You're still goin' strong
0:45:55 > 0:45:59# I feel the room swayin'
0:45:59 > 0:46:02# While the band's playin'
0:46:02 > 0:46:06# One of our old favourite songs from way back when
0:46:06 > 0:46:09# So
0:46:09 > 0:46:12# Take her wrap, fellas
0:46:12 > 0:46:15# Find her an empty lap, fellas
0:46:15 > 0:46:18# Dolly, you'll never go away again... #
0:46:18 > 0:46:24I should have done this weeks ago. Bernard, Harvey, Bob...
0:46:24 > 0:46:25Hello there, Prince Philip.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30Spartacus...
0:46:30 > 0:46:32No, you're Spartacus.
0:46:32 > 0:46:34No...
0:46:34 > 0:46:36Ah! You're Spartacus.
0:46:38 > 0:46:40You are my Satchmo.
0:46:40 > 0:46:43Tup no taf, Esio Trot. Tup no taf.
0:46:45 > 0:46:49Hello, Dolly. How'd you get in here? It's all guys.
0:46:49 > 0:46:52If I were you, I'd keep your head in your shell.
0:46:52 > 0:46:53Elbbog doof.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59Toohs pu, gnirps pu, wolb pu...
0:47:02 > 0:47:06Voldemort! Is that you?
0:47:06 > 0:47:07What are you doing in there?
0:47:10 > 0:47:12# I feel the room swayin'... #
0:47:12 > 0:47:15Freddie! What are you doing on your back again?
0:47:15 > 0:47:16Come here.
0:47:17 > 0:47:20Come on. Stay away from the poop. Be a good boy.
0:47:24 > 0:47:26# Golly gee, fellas
0:47:26 > 0:47:30# Have a little faith in me, fellas
0:47:30 > 0:47:33# Dolly, never go away... #
0:47:33 > 0:47:36OK, OK. Good luck, Alfie 9.
0:47:36 > 0:47:39# Dolly'll never go away again. #
0:47:41 > 0:47:43Hello, my darling.
0:47:43 > 0:47:46I don't know who holds the land speed record,
0:47:46 > 0:47:48but my bus driver's certainly just broken it.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52The death scene.
0:47:52 > 0:47:53The death scene.
0:47:53 > 0:47:56MRS SILVER CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY
0:47:56 > 0:48:00- I so thought he was dead! - I know.- The first time I heard it.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02I know.
0:48:02 > 0:48:03Alfie!
0:48:05 > 0:48:06Alfie?
0:48:07 > 0:48:09Alfie?
0:48:13 > 0:48:15Alfie?
0:48:15 > 0:48:19Mummy, Mummy! A tortoise just fell out of the sky!
0:48:19 > 0:48:22Yah! I hear so many things!
0:48:22 > 0:48:24So many things...
0:48:24 > 0:48:26Alfie?
0:48:27 > 0:48:29Oh! Mr Hoppy...
0:48:30 > 0:48:32Mr Hoppy?
0:48:32 > 0:48:33Yes.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37- I'm here.- I don't know what's happened, but...Alfie's gone.
0:48:38 > 0:48:40Gone?
0:48:40 > 0:48:41I think he's jumped.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43Oh, my darling!
0:48:43 > 0:48:46Oh, he's always had very powerful legs!
0:48:46 > 0:48:49I think he's just bounced himself over the edge!
0:48:49 > 0:48:52- Oh!- Oh! I can't bear to look!
0:48:52 > 0:48:54Don't! Please, don't!
0:48:54 > 0:48:57Maybe he's gone back into the flat.
0:48:57 > 0:48:59I don't... Well...
0:48:59 > 0:49:02- Yeah, I'll check that first. - OK.- Alfie!
0:49:03 > 0:49:06OK, OK, OK...
0:49:06 > 0:49:11Put Alfie 8 back on the balcony and then go get Alfie 9.
0:49:11 > 0:49:12What's left of him.
0:49:12 > 0:49:15I know. I know...
0:49:19 > 0:49:20Oh!
0:49:41 > 0:49:44Better luck for you, Alfie 8. There you go.
0:50:00 > 0:50:01Oh!
0:50:01 > 0:50:03Oh, Alfie!
0:50:15 > 0:50:18I've looked everywhere!
0:50:18 > 0:50:20I... Oh!
0:50:20 > 0:50:22Alfie!
0:50:22 > 0:50:23There you are!
0:50:23 > 0:50:29Oh, my holy aunt! You frightened the living daylights out of me.
0:50:29 > 0:50:31Oh! Oh!
0:50:31 > 0:50:34Oh, dab, dab Esio Trot.
0:50:34 > 0:50:36Oh!
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Oh, it's all right, Mr Hoppy.
0:50:39 > 0:50:41I've found him.
0:50:41 > 0:50:43All's well.
0:50:43 > 0:50:45Thank the living Lord!
0:50:45 > 0:50:47Evening, Hoppy.
0:50:47 > 0:50:50Oh, good evening, Mr Pringle.
0:50:50 > 0:50:52And...what a...
0:50:54 > 0:50:57- ..relaxing evening it is. - Yes, indeed.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03- Are you cooking anything special? - No, I don't think so.
0:51:03 > 0:51:06Just something out of the fridge... Frozen chicken pie...
0:51:06 > 0:51:09Sounds good to me. Love a pie.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11Love chicken.
0:51:11 > 0:51:13LOVE chicken pie!
0:51:13 > 0:51:15- Oh.- You haven't forgotten?
0:51:17 > 0:51:20- Forgotten?- Did I hear someone mention chicken pie?
0:51:20 > 0:51:22You certainly did, Mrs Silver.
0:51:22 > 0:51:25We're having chicken pie, round at Hoppy's tonight.
0:51:25 > 0:51:27Join us.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30- Oh! Oh, no. I couldn't possibly. - Course you can!
0:51:30 > 0:51:32- You don't mind, do you, Hoppy? - Mind, wha...- Excellent!
0:51:32 > 0:51:35My motto - two's company, three's a party!
0:51:35 > 0:51:40- Are you sure, Mr Hoppy?- No... Yes. Oh, no problem.
0:51:40 > 0:51:43It'll be wonderful to have you come around, Mrs Silver.
0:51:43 > 0:51:46Oh! Oh!
0:51:47 > 0:51:48Oh!
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Oh, no.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59No! Guys! Guys, I need your help!
0:52:00 > 0:52:02- Nngg! - DOORBELL
0:52:06 > 0:52:08Oh.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11- You look gorgeous, Mrs Silver. - Oh, thank you, Mr Pringle.
0:52:11 > 0:52:14- Lawrence, please.- Lavinia.
0:52:16 > 0:52:19- DOORBELL - Come on, Hoppy!
0:52:19 > 0:52:21Oh, look...
0:52:24 > 0:52:25Come in!
0:52:25 > 0:52:27Come on in.
0:52:27 > 0:52:29- Oh, thank you.- You're welcome.
0:52:33 > 0:52:36Oh! What a lovely big room!
0:52:36 > 0:52:41- Oh, I love that look you've gone for.- Mm.
0:52:41 > 0:52:44- What's it called?- Erm...- Prison cell.
0:52:44 > 0:52:48- No, minimalist. Yes, that's it. Oh! It's very stylish!- Thank you.
0:52:48 > 0:52:52Can I get you a drink? Er... I have wine and...
0:52:53 > 0:52:57- Well, wine.- A glass of white wine would be perfect.
0:52:57 > 0:53:02- Er... I...- Although, red's my real favourite. I love lovely red.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04So glamorous.
0:53:04 > 0:53:05Thank you.
0:53:05 > 0:53:08I'm a little short on glasses today.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11- Mrs Silver...- Thank you.
0:53:11 > 0:53:13And Mr Pringle. I'll have...
0:53:14 > 0:53:15..this.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20Well... Serve yourselves.
0:53:22 > 0:53:23Er...
0:53:23 > 0:53:27I have to just get back to the, er...
0:53:27 > 0:53:29- Get back to...- Chin-chin!
0:53:29 > 0:53:32..cooking. Excuse me.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35(Excuse me.)
0:53:38 > 0:53:42You're doing great, guys. Just try to keep the noise down.
0:53:42 > 0:53:43Easy.
0:53:48 > 0:53:49Ah!
0:53:56 > 0:53:58Dolly, it's hot.
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Potatoes. Got to put them up to high.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06Spartacus, sorry, but I really need the fridge now.
0:54:13 > 0:54:15- Can I give you a hand in there?- No...
0:54:15 > 0:54:18- We're feeling very guilty out here. - No, no.
0:54:18 > 0:54:21No, thank you. I... I'm a very private cook.
0:54:21 > 0:54:23My recipe's a secret, Mrs Silver.
0:54:23 > 0:54:26Oh, and Mr Pringle's very keen to know what vegetable we're having.
0:54:26 > 0:54:29Apparently, he enjoyed your carrots enormously last time.
0:54:29 > 0:54:33- Yes, tell him it's peas. I hope that's all right.- Oh, peas!
0:54:33 > 0:54:37- My favourite!- Peas are about the only vegetable that I... I...really like.
0:54:41 > 0:54:45Apart from cabbages, of course. Can't get enough of cabbage.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48Hope you don't mind, but I've been tucking in to your nibbles.
0:54:49 > 0:54:52- Nibbles?- Mm. Balti mix, is it?
0:54:55 > 0:54:56Mm!
0:54:56 > 0:54:58Peppery.
0:54:58 > 0:55:00Would you like some, Lavinia?
0:55:00 > 0:55:02Oh...
0:55:02 > 0:55:05- No, thank you. Not one of my favourites.- Oh.
0:55:06 > 0:55:07I've got to get the food.
0:55:19 > 0:55:20Sorry, Paul.
0:55:23 > 0:55:26- A little more? - Oh, thank you.- Here we go!
0:55:26 > 0:55:29Fresh out of the oven. One pie for you...
0:55:29 > 0:55:31Oh! That looks yummy!
0:55:31 > 0:55:32Oh, forgot the garnish.
0:55:39 > 0:55:40How did that happen?
0:55:43 > 0:55:47Oh, how magnificent!
0:55:47 > 0:55:49A pie to die for!
0:55:49 > 0:55:53Right, Lavinia. I want to hear all about you.
0:55:53 > 0:55:55Every single little thing.
0:55:57 > 0:55:59Where were you born?
0:55:59 > 0:56:02- I...- I was actually born on the Thames myself.
0:56:02 > 0:56:05In the back of a Volkswagen Beetle.
0:56:05 > 0:56:08Dad went over a speed bump and out I popped.
0:56:08 > 0:56:12So I said, "That's certainly an original use for an octopus!"
0:56:12 > 0:56:15HE LAUGHS
0:56:15 > 0:56:16Good Lord.
0:56:16 > 0:56:20But enough about me. I want to know all about you two.
0:56:20 > 0:56:23Go on. Favourite films. Ladies first.
0:56:23 > 0:56:27- Oh, The Railway Children. Every time.- Oh, yes!
0:56:27 > 0:56:30That moment at the end when Jenny Agutter goes to the station...
0:56:30 > 0:56:34- And the train comes in... - The smoke clears...- And there he is!
0:56:34 > 0:56:35"Daddy, my daddy!"
0:56:37 > 0:56:40- Oh!- I never really bothered with that one.
0:56:40 > 0:56:44Always try to avoid films with the word "children" in the title.
0:56:44 > 0:56:46And "Chihuahua".
0:56:47 > 0:56:49My favourite's The Sound Of Music.
0:56:49 > 0:56:53- Really?- No! Course not!
0:56:53 > 0:56:56Top Gun! That's the ticket! Go, Cruise!
0:56:56 > 0:57:01"Son, your ego is writing cheques your body can't cash!"
0:57:01 > 0:57:06- Genius!- Oh, you certainly are a character, Lawrence!
0:57:08 > 0:57:09Can I help clear?
0:57:09 > 0:57:12- Oh, thank you. That's very kind. - Waste not.
0:57:16 > 0:57:17Oh! No! Er...
0:57:17 > 0:57:19Where are my manners? Er...
0:57:19 > 0:57:22- Here, let me.- Oh! Well...
0:57:22 > 0:57:25If I can't see your kitchen,
0:57:25 > 0:57:28can I take a look at your beautiful balcony?
0:57:28 > 0:57:30Certainly.
0:57:30 > 0:57:31- It'd be my honour.- Oh.
0:57:38 > 0:57:41Oh...goodness!
0:57:43 > 0:57:47Who needs to travel the world when you've got sights like this at home?
0:57:47 > 0:57:49It's one of the two great passions of my life.
0:57:49 > 0:57:53Well, I can certainly see that.
0:57:53 > 0:57:58- Look, an avocado plant.- Oh, yes. I grow them myself. From the pips.
0:57:58 > 0:58:00That's terribly clever.
0:58:00 > 0:58:02- Thank you.- Oh!
0:58:02 > 0:58:05Oh, a miniature rose!
0:58:05 > 0:58:08Oh! My absolutest favourite!
0:58:08 > 0:58:12Well, do tell me, what is the other passion?
0:58:15 > 0:58:16Well, er...
0:58:18 > 0:58:21Well, Mrs Silver...
0:58:21 > 0:58:25- It's something I've never spoken to anyone about.- Well, how exciting!
0:58:26 > 0:58:28On my... On my mind...
0:58:29 > 0:58:32Er... Every moment of every day, but...
0:58:34 > 0:58:37But never once on my lips.
0:58:37 > 0:58:39Oh. What could it be?
0:58:42 > 0:58:45- It's...- Time for tea, I think.
0:58:45 > 0:58:48Shall I bung the kettle on in the kitchen?
0:58:50 > 0:58:52No, no. I'd better do it myself.
0:58:52 > 0:58:54Splendid.
0:58:59 > 0:59:01Lavinia...
0:59:01 > 0:59:03What a gorgeous name that is.
0:59:04 > 0:59:06HE WHISPERS AND SHE CHUCKLES
0:59:12 > 0:59:14THEY BOTH LAUGH
0:59:21 > 0:59:23What a splendid evening!
0:59:25 > 0:59:27Lavinia's a good sort, isn't she?
0:59:27 > 0:59:30- Mm.- I'm surprised you haven't made a move on her.
0:59:30 > 0:59:33Well, it's funny you should say that because just between us...
0:59:33 > 0:59:35Hope it's OK, I pounced while you were out making tea.
0:59:35 > 0:59:38Glad to say she leapt at the opportunity.
0:59:38 > 0:59:40- Dinner next Tuesday.- Oh.
0:59:43 > 0:59:44- That's fast.- Yeah.
0:59:44 > 0:59:47I suppose the truth is we're all a little bit lonely
0:59:47 > 0:59:50and anything which takes the edge off, it's got to be a good thing.
0:59:50 > 0:59:53- Hm.- Sure that's all right with you?
0:59:53 > 0:59:56- You seemed to be getting on awfully well during the dinner.- Mm.
0:59:56 > 1:00:00- I often hear you chatting away on the balcony.- No... Yes, that's fine.
1:00:00 > 1:00:05She's got...to be allowed to go out to dinner with whoever
1:00:05 > 1:00:07she wants to go out to dinner with.
1:00:07 > 1:00:09Next Tuesday.
1:00:09 > 1:00:11Splendid, then!
1:00:11 > 1:00:16Who knows? Sparks may fly when Flat 32 meets Flat 43!
1:00:16 > 1:00:17Wish me luck.
1:00:22 > 1:00:24Is that wedding bells I hear?
1:00:24 > 1:00:27Or just a squeak of bedsprings!
1:00:27 > 1:00:30Perfectly happy either way, eh, Hoppy?
1:00:30 > 1:00:31Yes.
1:00:31 > 1:00:33HE HUMS WEDDING MARCH
1:00:34 > 1:00:36Good night, Lawrence.
1:00:43 > 1:00:46'Mr Hoppy felt dead inside.'
1:00:46 > 1:00:49Think of the saddest you've ever felt and then double it.
1:00:49 > 1:00:53That was the world of Mr Hoppy's heart that night.
1:00:53 > 1:00:55Poor Mr Hoppy.
1:00:55 > 1:01:00Losing the love of your life is a terrible feeling. It's an emptiness.
1:01:00 > 1:01:04Like the death of a friend. Or a parent.
1:01:04 > 1:01:05Or a gerbil.
1:01:06 > 1:01:09Or, yes, indeed...a gerbil.
1:01:14 > 1:01:16Here's the thing...
1:01:16 > 1:01:18You see, little Alfie?
1:01:20 > 1:01:22HE SIGHS
1:01:22 > 1:01:26However many years we live - and you're a tortoise
1:01:26 > 1:01:29so you're in for a lot of them -
1:01:29 > 1:01:34there's probably only ten moments that really matter.
1:01:34 > 1:01:36Ten key moments that seal your fate.
1:01:38 > 1:01:42Where we get the chance to change our lives.
1:01:42 > 1:01:45Get the job we always dreamed of.
1:01:47 > 1:01:48Get the perfect girl.
1:01:51 > 1:01:52Well...
1:01:54 > 1:01:57..I've had my share of those moments.
1:02:02 > 1:02:05And I've blown every single one of them.
1:02:06 > 1:02:10Because the truth is, Alfie...
1:02:12 > 1:02:18..your Mr Henry Hoppy just doesn't deserve Mrs Lavinia Silver.
1:02:28 > 1:02:33And so, the next morning, Mr Hoppy began returning the tortoises.
1:02:33 > 1:02:36The game was up. The dream was over.
1:02:36 > 1:02:39First to go was the most important tortoise of all,
1:02:39 > 1:02:43the one he picked out at the start, the trophy tortoise.
1:02:43 > 1:02:45Exactly double little Alfie's weight.
1:02:45 > 1:02:50- I brought you one of my tortoises to sell.- He's a lovely big one!
1:02:50 > 1:02:54Yes, he is. 26 ounces, to be exact.
1:02:54 > 1:02:58- Can I tempt you with something else to fill the hole in your life?- No.
1:02:58 > 1:03:01- Now you say goodbye to the big fella.- No, it's a pretty big hole.
1:03:01 > 1:03:03I've got an elephant out back.
1:03:03 > 1:03:07Not exactly an elephant. More a very big dog. Same shape ears.
1:03:13 > 1:03:15'One down, 99 to go.
1:03:18 > 1:03:23'That evening, Mr Hoppy sat on his balcony, certain of one thing.
1:03:23 > 1:03:25'That he and Mrs Silver would never be together.'
1:03:38 > 1:03:43# Now, it's time to say good night
1:03:43 > 1:03:47# Good night
1:03:47 > 1:03:49# Sleep tight
1:03:50 > 1:03:58# Now, the sun turns out his light
1:03:58 > 1:04:01# Good night
1:04:01 > 1:04:04# Sleep tight
1:04:04 > 1:04:08# Dream sweet dreams
1:04:08 > 1:04:10# For me
1:04:12 > 1:04:15# Dream sweet dreams
1:04:15 > 1:04:17# For you
1:04:20 > 1:04:23# Close your eyes
1:04:23 > 1:04:25# And I'll close mine
1:04:27 > 1:04:30# Good night
1:04:30 > 1:04:33# Sleep tight. #
1:04:37 > 1:04:38Sit tight, guys.
1:04:41 > 1:04:44I want you to know something.
1:04:44 > 1:04:49I'm going to fight on till the final whistle and even if I lose,
1:04:49 > 1:04:52even if she marries Mr Potato Head Pringle...
1:04:55 > 1:04:59..I will always, always want her to be happy.
1:05:02 > 1:05:04Sorry.
1:05:04 > 1:05:07It turns out I couldn't live without him.
1:05:07 > 1:05:10I'm not surprised. He's a laugh a minute, this one.
1:05:10 > 1:05:14The times we had... Classic!
1:05:14 > 1:05:15Thank you.
1:05:41 > 1:05:43'Where's my boy?
1:05:43 > 1:05:46'Where's my Alfie?'
1:05:46 > 1:05:47Alfie, Alfie!
1:05:47 > 1:05:49Alfie...
1:05:52 > 1:05:54Oh, my goodness!
1:05:54 > 1:05:56Mr Hoppy?
1:05:58 > 1:06:00What, Mrs Silver?
1:06:00 > 1:06:04Something very extraordinary has happened.
1:06:04 > 1:06:06What?
1:06:06 > 1:06:09Something very, very extraordinary!
1:06:09 > 1:06:11And quite marvellous!
1:06:13 > 1:06:18Alfie can't get through his door! He must have got bigger!
1:06:18 > 1:06:21She's not very perceptive, is she? I mean, he's double the size!
1:06:21 > 1:06:24No, she's not the sharpest arrow in the quiver.
1:06:24 > 1:06:26- She's not the cleverest fox in the forest.- No.
1:06:26 > 1:06:28- She's not the smartest cookie in the jar.- No,
1:06:28 > 1:06:31but she's full of the joys of life, and that's what matters.
1:06:31 > 1:06:35- Of course it is.- Hey, you!- Ah! - Ha-ha!
1:06:35 > 1:06:38Well, Mrs Silver,
1:06:38 > 1:06:40perhaps you should weigh him.
1:06:40 > 1:06:43I believe it's been a month
1:06:43 > 1:06:45since you started the Esio Trot experiment.
1:06:45 > 1:06:47So it is!
1:06:47 > 1:06:51Yes, it's exactly a month! Oh! How exciting!
1:07:00 > 1:07:01Oh, Mr Hoppy!
1:07:01 > 1:07:03Guess how much he weighs!
1:07:03 > 1:07:05- (26 ounces).- 27 ounces!
1:07:05 > 1:07:07(You should check your scale.)
1:07:07 > 1:07:08Ooh!
1:07:08 > 1:07:10Alfie!
1:07:10 > 1:07:14You great big beautiful boy!
1:07:14 > 1:07:17Look what clever Mr Hoppy's done for you!
1:07:17 > 1:07:19Oh, you did it, Mr Hoppy!
1:07:21 > 1:07:22You're my miracle man.
1:07:22 > 1:07:24How can I possibly thank you?
1:07:30 > 1:07:33Well, Mrs Silver,
1:07:33 > 1:07:35do you think I could perhaps pop down to your balcony
1:07:35 > 1:07:40and just see for myself how much Alfie has grown?
1:07:40 > 1:07:43Well, of course you can. Oh, come down at once!
1:07:43 > 1:07:45Oh, my dear man!
1:07:47 > 1:07:49Dear man.
1:07:50 > 1:07:53HE BREATHS HEAVILY
1:07:53 > 1:07:57Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
1:07:57 > 1:07:59Thank you, Wallace. Thank you, Usain.
1:07:59 > 1:08:01And thank you, most of all...
1:08:03 > 1:08:06..little original Alfie.
1:08:22 > 1:08:24Key moment.
1:08:28 > 1:08:29Where are you?
1:08:29 > 1:08:32There you are.
1:08:32 > 1:08:34Oh, don't blow this.
1:09:11 > 1:09:14Hurray! Come in at once.
1:09:14 > 1:09:17- I've just made you a delicious cup of tea.- Oh.
1:09:17 > 1:09:20- Er...- Oh! Oh, clever you!
1:09:20 > 1:09:23- Thank you.- Oh, my!
1:09:26 > 1:09:29- Oh, my goodness! - SHE CHUCKLES
1:09:33 > 1:09:36- I'd quite forgotten it was Christmas.- Oh, it isn't.
1:09:36 > 1:09:40I just like to get my tree up on the first day of August.
1:09:40 > 1:09:44What's the point in getting old if you can't break the rules?
1:09:48 > 1:09:52- It's my little piece of paradise in the sky.- Perfect.
1:09:52 > 1:09:54Oh, and this is Alfie.
1:09:58 > 1:10:00Ha-ha!
1:10:04 > 1:10:07- Have you ever held a tortoise before? - Once or twice.
1:10:09 > 1:10:11I just don't want to drop him.
1:10:11 > 1:10:14Oh!
1:10:14 > 1:10:16- Can I ask you a question?- Of course.
1:10:16 > 1:10:19Would it be all right if I came up later
1:10:19 > 1:10:22and had another look at your balcony?
1:10:22 > 1:10:24I think it's one of the Seven Wonders of the World.
1:10:24 > 1:10:27Who needs the Hanging Gardens of Babylon
1:10:27 > 1:10:31when you've got Mr Hoppy's beautiful balcony in Bethnal Green?
1:10:31 > 1:10:34Oh, I'd be delighted. Can I ask you a question too, Mrs Silver?
1:10:34 > 1:10:36- Yes, of course.- Will you marry me?
1:10:49 > 1:10:51That was very out of the blue.
1:10:51 > 1:10:53Yes. It... It... It was.
1:10:53 > 1:10:58It's just that I've been meaning to ask you for some time,
1:10:58 > 1:11:00since the first time I saw you, in fact,
1:11:00 > 1:11:06when it was perfectly clear to me that you are the most...wonderful
1:11:06 > 1:11:10and beautiful person in the Western hemisphere.
1:11:10 > 1:11:12Probably the Eastern hemisphere too.
1:11:12 > 1:11:15I only exclude it because I haven't actually been there.
1:11:15 > 1:11:17Well...
1:11:18 > 1:11:20Well...
1:11:20 > 1:11:22Er... DOORBELL
1:11:22 > 1:11:23Oh!
1:11:23 > 1:11:27- Oh, I'm sorry.- Oh.- I'd better get that. I won't be a tick.
1:11:35 > 1:11:38Ah, Mrs Silver. I was just wondering,
1:11:38 > 1:11:41might this little chap belong to you, my dear lady?
1:11:41 > 1:11:45Oh, no! Oh, no! My Alfie's much larger than that these days.
1:11:45 > 1:11:48He was just coming out of Mr Hoppy's flat and I thought,
1:11:48 > 1:11:51but it's Mrs Silver that has the tortoise, isn't it?
1:11:51 > 1:11:53Yes, quite. Well... Yes...
1:11:53 > 1:11:55Oh, no...
1:11:55 > 1:11:58He does look very like Alfie when he was little,
1:11:58 > 1:12:00but he can't be darling Alfie.
1:12:00 > 1:12:04Cos darling Alfie has doubled his size in the last month.
1:12:04 > 1:12:05Hasn't he, Mr Hoppy?
1:12:05 > 1:12:08- Doubled in size? - Yes.- In a month?- Yes.
1:12:08 > 1:12:10- A tortoise?- Yes.
1:12:10 > 1:12:14Mr Hoppy gave me this little poem of North African origin and said
1:12:14 > 1:12:20if I recited it to Alfie three times a day, he would grow much...
1:12:20 > 1:12:22much larger...
1:12:23 > 1:12:26A little poem of North African extraction?
1:12:28 > 1:12:31Yes. Bedouin, I believe.
1:12:31 > 1:12:33Three times a day?
1:12:33 > 1:12:35Yes, before meals.
1:12:35 > 1:12:40Well, I'm not a biologist. I'm not Charles Darwin!
1:12:40 > 1:12:44I'm not David bloody Attenborough, but I suspect Mr Hoppy here
1:12:44 > 1:12:47has been playing a little joke on you, my dear Mrs Silver.
1:12:47 > 1:12:49Mr...
1:12:49 > 1:12:52- Mr Hoppy?- Hoppy! You're a dark horse, aren't you?
1:12:52 > 1:12:54Should have kept a sharper eye on you.
1:12:57 > 1:12:59Yes...
1:12:59 > 1:13:01- Well, I think he might be mine after all.- Oh.
1:13:01 > 1:13:03Thank you very much.
1:13:05 > 1:13:08- Now, if you'd excuse me for a moment...- Yes, of course.
1:13:09 > 1:13:12Don't forget our date on Tuesday.
1:13:12 > 1:13:15We'll have lots to talk about. Snakes in the grass, etc...
1:13:15 > 1:13:18- I can't wait!- Well, we can discuss that later.
1:13:18 > 1:13:20Hoppy...
1:13:20 > 1:13:22Good to see you.
1:13:22 > 1:13:27Who'd have thought it, eh? Who'd have damn well thought it?
1:13:34 > 1:13:37- So...- Yes.
1:13:37 > 1:13:41- You've been swapping tortoises.- Yes, I have. A number of little swaps.
1:13:43 > 1:13:46- And that's not Alfie.- No, it isn't.
1:13:46 > 1:13:48Who is it?
1:13:48 > 1:13:50Oh, his name is Tyson. He's quite nice.
1:13:54 > 1:13:58And all that...Esio Trot stuff is just nonsense.
1:13:58 > 1:14:00I'm afraid so.
1:14:01 > 1:14:04SHE SIGHS I feel such a fool.
1:14:04 > 1:14:07I never was the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
1:14:07 > 1:14:11- Maybe not, but you have many other wonderful qualities...- Ssh!
1:14:11 > 1:14:13Not at all the time for that.
1:14:21 > 1:14:23OK, I guess I should go now.
1:14:23 > 1:14:26Yes, if you would.
1:14:26 > 1:14:27Thank you.
1:15:07 > 1:15:11# In my solitude
1:15:14 > 1:15:19# You haunt me
1:15:22 > 1:15:25# With revelries
1:15:27 > 1:15:30# Of days gone by
1:15:35 > 1:15:38# In my solitude
1:15:42 > 1:15:47# You taunt me
1:15:49 > 1:15:53# With memories
1:15:55 > 1:15:58# That never die
1:16:04 > 1:16:07# Yes, I sit in my chair
1:16:08 > 1:16:11# I fill with despair
1:16:12 > 1:16:16# As no-one could be so sad... #
1:16:16 > 1:16:20You're looking absolutely ravishing this evening, Lavinia.
1:16:20 > 1:16:21Oh, thank you.
1:16:21 > 1:16:25I thought we might just eat in at my place.
1:16:25 > 1:16:27Oh.
1:16:27 > 1:16:29And then I thought...
1:16:29 > 1:16:33why not go to the most expensive restaurant in London?
1:16:33 > 1:16:35Oh!
1:16:35 > 1:16:37How lovely!
1:16:37 > 1:16:40SHE CHUCKLES
1:16:41 > 1:16:45# I'm praying
1:16:48 > 1:16:51# Dear Lord above
1:16:51 > 1:16:54# Oh, yes
1:16:54 > 1:16:57# Send back my love... #
1:17:10 > 1:17:12Hello, Dolly. Darth.
1:17:12 > 1:17:15You guys should be in the pet shop with the others.
1:17:15 > 1:17:18Where have you guys been hiding? Huh?
1:17:20 > 1:17:23So, that IS the way it goes.
1:17:38 > 1:17:43No, you don't just stop loving someone because they don't love you.
1:17:55 > 1:17:59# In my solitude
1:18:01 > 1:18:06# I'm praying
1:18:09 > 1:18:12# Dear Lord above
1:18:12 > 1:18:15# Oh, yes
1:18:15 > 1:18:20# Send back my love. #
1:18:28 > 1:18:31Is that really the end of the story, Daddy?
1:18:31 > 1:18:35Yes, buddy. I'm sorry to say it is.
1:18:35 > 1:18:37Mr Hoppy doesn't get the girl.
1:18:37 > 1:18:41I'm afraid he'll probably spend the rest of his life alone.
1:18:41 > 1:18:45Which won't be very long, seeing how old he is.
1:18:45 > 1:18:47Which could be for absolutely ages, Roberta,
1:18:47 > 1:18:51seeing how long people live these days!
1:18:54 > 1:18:58Not the ending you were expecting, I realise that.
1:18:58 > 1:19:03But it's still a story worth telling because he gave it a go.
1:19:03 > 1:19:05And that's what matters.
1:19:05 > 1:19:08Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.
1:19:08 > 1:19:10Love isn't love till you give it away.
1:19:12 > 1:19:14- I give him a year. Tops.- Shush!
1:19:14 > 1:19:17You saw how he was yesterday,
1:19:17 > 1:19:20when he came down to our flat in the afternoon.
1:19:22 > 1:19:26Hello. I have a present for you and your brother.
1:19:26 > 1:19:28Come in.
1:19:28 > 1:19:29Come on in.
1:19:29 > 1:19:31No, that's all right.
1:19:31 > 1:19:33Philip!
1:19:33 > 1:19:36Oh, it's OK, Philip. I have a present for you.
1:19:38 > 1:19:43See? This one's name is Darth and that one's name is Dolly.
1:19:43 > 1:19:47'He gave us Dolly and little Darth and he was really sad.
1:19:51 > 1:19:53'And then you asked him in for a drink
1:19:53 > 1:19:56'and he told you and Mum the whole story.
1:20:04 > 1:20:06'And now he's leaving.'
1:20:06 > 1:20:08- Can't you stop him?- No.
1:20:08 > 1:20:11He's made up his mind the deed is done.
1:20:15 > 1:20:17Not all stories have happy endings.
1:20:31 > 1:20:33DOORBELL
1:20:37 > 1:20:38They're early.
1:20:43 > 1:20:44Hi...
1:20:44 > 1:20:46Mr Hoppy?
1:20:48 > 1:20:50- Are you leaving?- Yes, that's right.
1:20:50 > 1:20:53I felt it best after the unfortunate incident.
1:20:53 > 1:20:56I didn't know. I'm glad I came up, then.
1:20:56 > 1:20:58Oh...
1:21:01 > 1:21:04One of your plants must have blown over the balcony.
1:21:04 > 1:21:07- I thought I should return it. - Oh, yes.
1:21:07 > 1:21:09- Thank you.- You're welcome.
1:21:11 > 1:21:14Er... I... Er...
1:21:15 > 1:21:21May I...just say that... I hope you and Mr Pringle
1:21:21 > 1:21:23will be very happy.
1:21:23 > 1:21:26Oh, well...that's very kind of you, Mr Hoppy.
1:21:26 > 1:21:29But I'm afraid I could never be happy with Mr Pringle.
1:21:29 > 1:21:33I know he's a real pal of yours, but he is without doubt
1:21:33 > 1:21:36the world's most spectacular arse-paralysing bore.
1:21:36 > 1:21:38And his table manners are atrocious.
1:21:38 > 1:21:41I only had two prawns in my very overpriced,
1:21:41 > 1:21:43under-prawned prawn cocktail. He took both of them.
1:21:43 > 1:21:47I'm not saying it was the worst experience of my life,
1:21:47 > 1:21:49but I was once mugged in Maida Vale underground station
1:21:49 > 1:21:51by a Russian chap with a big knife
1:21:51 > 1:21:53and our date was definitely worse than that.
1:21:54 > 1:21:56My goodness!
1:21:58 > 1:22:02I just have a couple of other things I want to say.
1:22:02 > 1:22:04Parish notices, as it were.
1:22:04 > 1:22:06Sure.
1:22:06 > 1:22:08Er...
1:22:08 > 1:22:13First, I think it's only fair to tell you... Well, before you leave...
1:22:13 > 1:22:15that, um...
1:22:15 > 1:22:20ever since I first squeezed up to you in the lift on my first day,
1:22:20 > 1:22:23I've actually had the most frightful crush on you.
1:22:24 > 1:22:27- I beg your pardon? - You heard me, Hoppy.
1:22:28 > 1:22:30Did you never think it was slightly odd
1:22:30 > 1:22:33that we ended up in the lift together quite so often?
1:22:37 > 1:22:39DOOR CLOSES
1:22:44 > 1:22:46Ooh!
1:22:46 > 1:22:48Spring at last!
1:22:57 > 1:22:59LIFT PINGS
1:22:59 > 1:23:02- Oh! Hello, Mr Hoppy! - Oh...
1:23:10 > 1:23:11Oh.
1:23:11 > 1:23:14But then you went and tricked me.
1:23:15 > 1:23:18I know, and I'm...
1:23:18 > 1:23:22Mrs Silver, I'm more sorry than you can possibly imagine.
1:23:22 > 1:23:24- It ruined everything.- I know.
1:23:26 > 1:23:28But then...
1:23:28 > 1:23:33there is an argument that a man who would go to such terrible trouble
1:23:33 > 1:23:36to make a woman's dreams come true...
1:23:38 > 1:23:43Well...that man might be very exceptional indeed.
1:23:46 > 1:23:50So, the final thing I have to say, I think it's the last...
1:23:51 > 1:23:55..is that, in short,
1:23:55 > 1:23:57the answer to your earlier question, yes.
1:23:57 > 1:24:01I will marry you. If you still want me.
1:24:02 > 1:24:04Thank you very much for asking.
1:24:06 > 1:24:08Oh, Mrs Silver!
1:24:12 > 1:24:14Thank you.
1:24:14 > 1:24:16Well...
1:24:16 > 1:24:19I think we can do better than that, don't you?
1:24:35 > 1:24:37How do you feel?
1:24:37 > 1:24:40- Taller. - SHE CHUCKLES
1:24:42 > 1:24:45SHE LAUGHS
1:24:52 > 1:24:54# Just kiss me once and kiss me twice
1:24:54 > 1:24:57# Then kiss me once again
1:24:57 > 1:25:01# It's been a long, long time
1:25:02 > 1:25:04# Haven't felt like this, my dear
1:25:04 > 1:25:07# Since can't remember when
1:25:07 > 1:25:11# It's been a long, long time
1:25:11 > 1:25:14# You'll never know how many dreams
1:25:14 > 1:25:17# I've dreamed about you
1:25:17 > 1:25:21# Or just how empty they all seemed without you
1:25:21 > 1:25:24# So kiss me once, then kiss me twice
1:25:24 > 1:25:27# Then kiss me once again
1:25:27 > 1:25:30# It's been a long, long time... #
1:25:42 > 1:25:43Oh!
1:25:45 > 1:25:47My rods! Are they OK?
1:25:48 > 1:25:50My rods!
1:26:12 > 1:26:16# Yes, kiss me once, kiss me twice
1:26:16 > 1:26:18# Kiss me once again
1:26:18 > 1:26:22# It's been a long, long, long time
1:26:22 > 1:26:26# Haven't felt like this, my dear
1:26:26 > 1:26:28# Since can't remember when
1:26:28 > 1:26:32# It's been a long, long time
1:26:32 > 1:26:35# You'll never know how many dreams
1:26:35 > 1:26:37# I dream about you
1:26:37 > 1:26:42# Or just how empty they all seemed without you
1:26:42 > 1:26:45# So, kiss me once then kiss me twice
1:26:45 > 1:26:48# And kiss me once again
1:26:48 > 1:26:51# It's been a long, ba-ba-ba-boo time
1:26:51 > 1:26:57# Oh, yeah! #