0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language
0:00:34 > 0:00:36KEYS JANGLE IN LOCK
0:00:54 > 0:00:57MUSIC: "Bliss" by Muse
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Victoria Street, please, doll.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05No problem, mate.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Who's got you ready? Stevie Wonder?
0:01:10 > 0:01:13# Everything about you
0:01:13 > 0:01:15# Is how I'd want to be
0:01:17 > 0:01:22# Your freedom comes naturally
0:01:25 > 0:01:28# Everything about you
0:01:28 > 0:01:31# Has innate happiness
0:01:31 > 0:01:37# Now I won't settle for less... #
0:01:38 > 0:01:40WOLF-WHISTLES
0:01:40 > 0:01:42- How much?- £7.20.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Ta, love. Keep the change.- Thanks.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- All right.- And, uh...good luck.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49You'll need it looking like that.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51"Payment in kind"?
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- "Payment in kind"?! - Keep your wig on, mate.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- No chance, you sweaty little bastard!- All right!
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- No chance whatsoever! Right? No chance whatso-bloody-ever! - LAUGHTER
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- I wouldn't go near you with a bargepole.- Stop it, will you?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05- People are watching. - You little slimeball.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08He's got a picture of his kids on the dashboard
0:02:08 > 0:02:10and he's talking about payment in kind!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12You forget about payment in kind, love.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15- All right, boys?- All right, love.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19MUSIC: "Pushing On" by Will Holland
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Ooh, hello!
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- Jesus.- Tracie, actually.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- And I'd like a Multiple Orgasm. - On the rocks?
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Wherever, darling. I'm easy.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34The groom is doomed! The groom is doomed!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- To the groom!- Cheers!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- Cheers, lads.- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- To the end of your life. - Cheers to the end.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44The end is the beginning, the beginning is the end.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Come on, one for the bride, two for the groom.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Down in one.- Cheers.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56One, two, three, go!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Hello, could I have a cab to Victoria Street, please?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- Hey!- Romero's Bar, love.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- Hey!- How long?- Excuse me!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14What? What do you want?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16How did he die? How did he die?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Who?- Mr Twanky!
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- LAUGHTER - He bled to death, sweetheart, after I cut his balls off.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Ooh!- Tremarco, Tracie.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Can you get one any sooner, love?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Why all this? You're not fooling no-one, you know what I mean?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I'm bothering no-one either.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- You're bothering me. - If I'm bothering you,
0:03:36 > 0:03:39why don't you fuck off and leave me alone?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41LAUGHTER
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- Tell you what.- What?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47It's more than bothering me, as a matter of fact.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52It's sickening. The last thing that I want, right...
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- Alan! Leave it, lad.- Hang on!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58..is some hairy-arsed nonce putting me off my ale.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Time you went.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Time- I- left?- Get going now. - I'm waiting for a taxi.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- I've just booked, they're on their way.- Then wait outside for it.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- Wait outside.- Pain in the arse.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Sad! That's what it should be!
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Not "gay!" "Sad!"
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Oi! You can drink up too.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- What do you mean? - Finish your drinks and leave.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21You're a prick, you. Nice one.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- Long story but I'm outside now.- Hey! - Lone female feeling vulnerable.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Listen, what is it with you, love? What's your problem? I mean...
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Hello? Yeah? Thanks a lot. Thank you.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Listen, this is just a stab in the dark, lovey,
0:04:34 > 0:04:39- but I think I've upset you, haven't I?- Yeah.- Shall I tell you why?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Why I've upset you but not them? - Yeah, go on.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44It's cos they're confident about their sexuality, darling.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46They don't have to kick off to prove they're men.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Hang on. Are you saying I'm a queer?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51I'm just saying you're a bit confused, my sweet
0:04:51 > 0:04:52but don't worry about that
0:04:52 > 0:04:55because lots of men are, and to tell you the truth,
0:04:55 > 0:04:58I think it's rather cute.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59FRIENDS SNIGGER
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- Hey.- She's only trying to wind you up.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- You're a sick bastard!- Leave it! - Fuck off!
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- You're a sick perverted bastard, do you know that?- Move!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- I'll kill you, you bent bastard! - Why should I move?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- I'm waiting for the taxi! - Go and wait down the road.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Go and wait down the road!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Fuck off! You're a sick bastard!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21You are, because you're a man
0:05:21 > 0:05:23and I'll treat you like a man.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31LOUD MUSIC, CAR HORN
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Hey-hey!
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Where are you going?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Canning Street, why?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Jump in. I'll give you a lift.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Tony.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Thank you, Tony.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I'm sorry about Alan.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07He's a prick when he's pissed.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09And what's his excuse the rest of the time?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Good friend of yours, is he?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15He's me brother.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18You have my sympathy.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Do you get that a lot, do you? Aggro?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- Unfortunately.- So why do it?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Because it's who I am, darling.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Have you been doing it long?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Yeah.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36What...always like that?
0:06:36 > 0:06:39What are you implying?
0:06:39 > 0:06:40You know what I'm implying.
0:06:40 > 0:06:44Well, I'll never pass as a woman, if that's what you're implying, no.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47But I can pass as a man's fantasy of a woman. You know,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49like a tart and a whore. Anything.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52What got you into it?
0:06:53 > 0:06:58Have you never tottered around in your mother's stilettos?
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Not once I turned 20, no.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06If you take the next left, please, my love.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12White van man?
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Yeah, aerials and satellite dishes.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Well, look, Tony, I've heard it all before.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19- What?- Supposedly straight men
0:07:19 > 0:07:23professing an academic interest in my lifestyle.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26But I think we both know why you wanted this, don't we?
0:07:33 > 0:07:38So, you can either come in with me right now and satisfy your curiosity
0:07:38 > 0:07:42or you can carry on home and spend the rest of your life regretting it.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46It's been nice being with you.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Long time dead.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25All rise.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49'I wandered lonely as a cloud
0:08:49 > 0:08:53'That floats on high o'er vales and hills
0:08:53 > 0:08:55'And all at once, I saw a crowd
0:08:55 > 0:08:58'A host of golden daffodils.'
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Beside the lake, beneath the trees
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Do you notice how "fluttering" destroys the rhythm of the poem?
0:09:11 > 0:09:15It's impossible to make the line scan
0:09:15 > 0:09:18if you pronounce "fluttering" as a trisyllabic word
0:09:18 > 0:09:21and that's what Wordsworth intended, of course.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23'"Dee-dum dee-dum, dee-dum dee-dum,"
0:09:23 > 0:09:26'and suddenly, that rhythm is shattered
0:09:26 > 0:09:29'when he sees the fluttering and dancing daffodils
0:09:29 > 0:09:30'and the chaos of nature.'
0:10:17 > 0:10:19'But who hath seen her wave her hand?'
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Or at the casement seen her stand?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28Or is she known in all the land?
0:10:28 > 0:10:29The Lady of Shalott?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50INTERCOM RINGS
0:11:10 > 0:11:13HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:11:13 > 0:11:14- (SOFT "TRACIE" VOICE)- Hello?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Hello. Is that...is that Tracie?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19Speaking.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22'It's me, Tony. I was here last week.'
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I never dreamt it would be yours, sweetheart.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26You what?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- 'You've come back for your pen.' - What pen?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Erm...
0:11:32 > 0:11:33What are you doing here?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36I've come to see you.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Right, erm...
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Oh, I'm just in the middle of something right now.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- 'Oh, right, sorry.'- No, wait, wait.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Could you come back in an hour?
0:11:47 > 0:11:52- 'Yeah, sound.'- Yeah? All right, OK, sweetheart, I'll see you then.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53- (DEEPER VOICE)- Shit!
0:11:53 > 0:11:57MUSIC: "Time after Time" by Cyndi Lauper
0:12:08 > 0:12:11- Been drinking?- One or two.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Chin chin.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Cheers.
0:12:15 > 0:12:23# Caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new... #
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Am I OK to smoke?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27Fire away.
0:12:29 > 0:12:35# A suitcase of memories, time after... #
0:12:35 > 0:12:37What do you do for a living?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Nothing, doll. Tracie's a good-time girl.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43How does she pay for this place?
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- SHE doesn't.- Who does?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Simon.- Simon?
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Yes, darling. Simon, the most boring man on the planet.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Simon, who couldn't get a wank in a brothel.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59What does he do?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Teaches English.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Does he like it?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Hates it. He's currently teaching romantic poetry,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08otherwise known as Dee-dum-shite.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13"O the mind, mind, has mountains, cliffs of fall,
0:13:13 > 0:13:16"Frightful, sheer, no-man travelled.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19"Hold them cheap Who ne'er hung there.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24"Nor does long our durance deal with that steep, deep. Here! Creep!"
0:13:24 > 0:13:29That's a poem. That's what he longs to teach.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31But no, it's "dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-fucking-dum."
0:13:35 > 0:13:39Shall we go to bed, sweetheart?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Yeah.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Come on, then.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Come on.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Ooh, someone's in a hurry.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Might I see you again?
0:14:02 > 0:14:03You might do.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Well, do me a favour, darling...
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Next time, book by appointment.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16You turn up unannounced, you'll only be disappointed by what you find.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Know what I mean?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I won't ask for yours.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Married men don't give them out.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32What makes you think I'm married?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36A lifetime's experience, lovey.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Got married too early, couldn't go against the grain,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44had to demonstrate your heterosexuality.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49And now you find yourself in a loveless marriage,
0:14:49 > 0:14:53life passing you by, that nagging voice at the back of your mind
0:14:53 > 0:14:56asking, "Oh, is this all there is?"
0:15:00 > 0:15:02But you'll never leave her.
0:15:02 > 0:15:07So you snatch at chances like this, a chance to explore.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10No harm in that,
0:15:10 > 0:15:13so long as nobody finds out, of course.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Well, Tony, my love...
0:15:17 > 0:15:19..your secret's safe with me.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21My wife's dead.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30I'm sorry.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Did you have any kids?
0:15:41 > 0:15:43HE SNIFFS
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Did you love her?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I'll see myself out.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05DOOR OPENS, CLOSES
0:16:05 > 0:16:07'Willows whiten,'
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Aspens quiver
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Little breezes dusk and shiver
0:16:11 > 0:16:15'Through the wave that runs forever
0:16:15 > 0:16:18'By the island in the river,
0:16:18 > 0:16:20'Flowing down to Camelot.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22'Four grey walls and four grey towers
0:16:22 > 0:16:25'Overlook a space of flowers
0:16:25 > 0:16:29'And the silent isle imbowers The Lady of Shalott.'
0:16:30 > 0:16:33'By the margin willow-veiled
0:16:33 > 0:16:37'Slide the heavy barges trailed by slow horses, and unhailed
0:16:37 > 0:16:41'The shallop flitteth, silken-sailed
0:16:41 > 0:16:43'Skimming down to Camelot.'
0:16:44 > 0:16:47'A bow shot from her bower-eaves
0:16:47 > 0:16:49'He rode between the barley sheaves.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52'The sun came dazzling through the leaves
0:16:52 > 0:16:54'And flamed upon the brazen greaves
0:16:54 > 0:16:56'Of bold Sir Lancelot.'
0:16:56 > 0:17:00MUSIC: "Could You Be The One" by The Stereophonics
0:17:00 > 0:17:03# Could you be the one for me?
0:17:03 > 0:17:06# Could you be the one for me?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10# Could you be the one?
0:17:10 > 0:17:14# Could you be the one for me?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17# Could you be the one for me?
0:17:17 > 0:17:21# Could you be the one for me?
0:17:21 > 0:17:24# Could you be the one?
0:17:39 > 0:17:44# Every single thing you do is magic, baby
0:17:47 > 0:17:51# Every little thing that you do is cool... #
0:17:51 > 0:17:54CAR ENGINE
0:17:54 > 0:17:58# Every little thing you do is fashionably hip
0:18:00 > 0:18:04# Could you be the one for me?
0:18:04 > 0:18:06# Could you be the one? #
0:18:06 > 0:18:08INTERCOM RINGS
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Dirty Secrets Limited. How can I help you?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- It's me.- 'What do you want?'
0:18:17 > 0:18:18What?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I said what do you want?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- 'We've got a date.' - We had a date. You missed it.
0:18:23 > 0:18:28- I had a pint with the lads. - 'A pint?'- A couple.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29What you got in the bag?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Brandy.- 'Piss off.'
0:18:34 > 0:18:35- What?- I said piss off.
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- Why?- Why?! Because I'm sick of you taking me for granted.
0:18:39 > 0:18:43I'm sick of being your dirty little secret and I'm sick of you
0:18:43 > 0:18:47'having to be as pissed as a fart every time you come near me.'
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Yeah, but apart from that, I mean...
0:18:50 > 0:18:51'Oh, piss off.'
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Well...can I come back tomorrow?
0:18:57 > 0:19:00- You can do. I won't be here. - 'You going somewhere nice?'
0:19:00 > 0:19:03There's a club in town for girls like me.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05I'd invite you, but...
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I know you'd never have the balls to be seen out with me.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Ciao, darling.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26DOOR OPENS
0:19:30 > 0:19:32BANG ON THE DOOR
0:19:37 > 0:19:40BANGING CONTINUES
0:19:44 > 0:19:47I haven't got the balls to be seen out with you. Shall I tell you why?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Nothing like a bit of Dutch courage, is there?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52It's because you make no bleeding effort to look like a woman,
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- a real woman.- I never claimed to be Cheryl bloody Cole!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58I never expected you to turn into Cheryl Cole
0:19:58 > 0:20:00but you have to do better than Old King fucking Cole
0:20:00 > 0:20:02if you want to be seen out in public with me.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06So just have a go.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08Eh?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11What?
0:20:12 > 0:20:14And you'll take me out?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18We're a long time dead.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24She left the web, she left the loom
0:20:24 > 0:20:27She walked three paces through the room
0:20:27 > 0:20:30She saw the water lilies bloom She saw the helmet
0:20:30 > 0:20:34and the plume of bold Sir Lancelot.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Out flew the web and floated wide
0:20:36 > 0:20:38The mirror cracked from side to side
0:20:38 > 0:20:43"The curse is come upon me," cried The Lady of Shalott.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43KNOCK ON DOOR
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Hello, Tracie.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54- What do you want? - Did I leave my pen behind?- No.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58You look nice.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Fuck off.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23Hi, Andrew.
0:22:23 > 0:22:30You watch heads swivel, Tracie, cos you are absolutely gorgeous. Right?
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Right. Tony who?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34MUSIC: "She makes me wanna" by JLS
0:22:34 > 0:22:36# Oh oh oh oh oh oh
0:22:36 > 0:22:39# Makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh
0:22:41 > 0:22:44# London to Jamaica
0:22:44 > 0:22:47# LA to Africa
0:22:47 > 0:22:51# She makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh
0:22:51 > 0:22:55# Makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh
0:22:55 > 0:22:58# She makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh
0:22:58 > 0:23:01# Makes me wanna oh oh oh oh oh oh
0:23:01 > 0:23:03# Hey, hey. #
0:23:03 > 0:23:04TAXI DOOR SLAMS
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Eh. Eh!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13What are you doing? What are you playing at?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Leave it, Tony! - What are you playing at?- Tony!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- I'm just a mate... - Tony leave him alone!
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- What do you think you're playing at? - There's nothing going on... - Leave him you prick!
0:23:23 > 0:23:27What do you mean you don't believe me? Turn the news on.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31- Major accident on the M62. Five mile tailback.- So why not phone?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34My phone was dead.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Look, I'm sorry.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40And I'm sorry about before as well.
0:23:40 > 0:23:45When I saw you with him...I just lost it, I'm sorry.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51You look good.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54You're getting nothing here tonight, darling.
0:23:54 > 0:23:55A glass of wine and that's it.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57I'm just saying you look good, that's all.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Thank you.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04I'll make it up to you.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06A weekend away somewhere.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Just the two of us.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Where d'you fancy?
0:24:16 > 0:24:17The Lake District.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20All right.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Soon as I can I'll sort it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Promise.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Fancy a quick one before you go?
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Thanks.
0:24:34 > 0:24:37I don't mean that kind of quick one, darling.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45All rise.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- See you later.- Bye-bye.- Bye now.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Hello, darlin'. I've got an appointment with Karen.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- Oh, right... - Not a problem, is it?
0:27:14 > 0:27:19No, not at all. I'm Karen. What name is it?
0:27:19 > 0:27:23Tremarco. Tracie. And I'd like to look like Cheryl Cole, please.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27- Oh, erm, I'll take that, if you'd like to take a seat.- Thank you.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Do you use concealer?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Not as a rule, no.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35Oh, you really should. It acts as an undercoat for your foundation.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38Helps cover all those tiny blemishes and imperfections.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42It's also really useful for disguising dark beard tones.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- Think you're very brave. - Why, are you that bad?
0:27:52 > 0:27:56No, no. I mean...we get a lot of celebs here
0:27:56 > 0:28:00but I've never seen them get this kind of attention. Don't you mind everyone staring?
0:28:00 > 0:28:04I'd be offended if they didn't, doll.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Now, when it comes to foundation,
0:28:07 > 0:28:11always go with a shade that's closest to your own skin tone.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14This one's from our liquid range.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17It gives a really even cover and a natural finish.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Is everything OK?
0:28:25 > 0:28:29Ah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I was just admiring your lipstick.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31Oh, right. Oh...oh, it's new.
0:28:31 > 0:28:35Yeah, we only got it in last week.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44- Have you worked here long?- Nearly three years now.- You enjoy it?
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Yeah, but this is my favourite
0:28:46 > 0:28:51part of the job. I trained as a make-up artist originally.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54- I do a lot of weddings and that. - Oh, I'll bear that in mind..
0:28:55 > 0:28:58You've got fabulous cheekbones,
0:28:58 > 0:29:00so we really want to accentuate those.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03Have you been married long?
0:29:03 > 0:29:0612 year in August. It's flown.
0:29:06 > 0:29:08What does he do?
0:29:08 > 0:29:11He, erm, fits aerials and satellite dishes.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16Got any kids?
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Not yet, no.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20But you'd like some?
0:29:20 > 0:29:23- Could you just close your eyes for me?- Yeah.
0:29:25 > 0:29:29So, do you dress like this full time?
0:29:29 > 0:29:31No, it's not always practical.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Have you been doing it long?
0:29:33 > 0:29:36Yeah. I repressed it a long time.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40But Tracie's not the sort of girl that takes no for an answer.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42- Could you just look up for me? - Yeah.
0:29:44 > 0:29:47Too many people waste their lives in denial...
0:29:48 > 0:29:52- ..always pleasing other people, never themselves.- Yeah.
0:29:54 > 0:29:58- And you're a long time dead. - Oh, that's Tony's catchphrase.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01- Tony?- Me husband, he's always saying it.
0:30:01 > 0:30:04Usually when I'm nagging him about staying out late with his mates.
0:30:04 > 0:30:05"Long time dead..."
0:30:07 > 0:30:10So, come on, is there anyone special in your life?
0:30:12 > 0:30:14There is someone, actually.
0:30:14 > 0:30:16- A bloke?- Do I look like a dyke?
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Sorry, I didn't want to assume, that's all.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21It's been about three months now...
0:30:21 > 0:30:23Ooh, getting serious then?
0:30:23 > 0:30:27Well, I'm not sure about that. I found out he was married.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Oh. He'd not mentioned it before?
0:30:29 > 0:30:31No, I did suspect it at the beginning
0:30:31 > 0:30:34but he told me she was dead.
0:30:35 > 0:30:36So what are you gonna do?
0:30:36 > 0:30:40I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42I don't know what to do.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48Suits you..
0:30:48 > 0:30:49Thank you.
0:30:49 > 0:30:54Well, look on the bright side, she can't be as gorgeous as you.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00- You won't believe what happened to me today.- What?
0:31:00 > 0:31:06I had a bloke come in for a makeover. A transvestite.
0:31:07 > 0:31:08A transvestite?
0:31:09 > 0:31:15Yeah. Called himself Tracie. Said he wanted to look like Cheryl Cole.
0:31:15 > 0:31:17I think I managed Myra Hindley.
0:31:21 > 0:31:25RINGS ENTRY PHONE PERSISTANTLY
0:31:25 > 0:31:28RINGING CONTINUES
0:31:42 > 0:31:46RINGS ENTRY PHONE
0:32:58 > 0:33:04PHONE RINGS
0:33:04 > 0:33:06'Hello, your call cannot be taken at the moment
0:33:06 > 0:33:08'so please leave your message after the tone.'
0:33:13 > 0:33:17'It's me. Right, if you're there pick up. I need to see you.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21'Look, you might as well answer cos I'm not gonna stop ringing until you do.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23'OK, I need to see you.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26'Come on.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29'Just answer the phone, will ya? Right, I'm just gonna keep ringing.
0:33:31 > 0:33:33'I've got to see you.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36'Please, come on, Tracie, just pick the phone up, will ya?'
0:33:40 > 0:33:44# Say I'm gonna leave a hundred times a day
0:33:44 > 0:33:48# It's easier said than done When you just can't break away
0:33:48 > 0:33:50# When you just can't break away
0:33:50 > 0:33:54# Oh, young hearts run free
0:33:54 > 0:33:57# Never be hung up... #
0:33:57 > 0:34:00- What can I get you mate? - Brandy, please.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06I used to think it was "my memory".
0:34:06 > 0:34:10- What?- This song. Thought it was "my memory" for years
0:34:10 > 0:34:13and then I saw this...saw someone singing it at a karaoke
0:34:13 > 0:34:17- and realised it was, "my man and me".- Cheers, mate.
0:34:17 > 0:34:19Made a lot more sense, you know.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24Funny how songs get you like that, in't it?
0:34:25 > 0:34:28Just goes to show it's the tune that gets you...
0:34:28 > 0:34:30I'm straight, mate.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33PHONE RINGS
0:34:33 > 0:34:36- Sorry?- I'm just waiting for someone.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38She mightn't turn up but if that happens,
0:34:38 > 0:34:41I'm just gonna get off on my own.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44- OK?- Yeah, OK.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46I just wouldn't want you to waste your time or energy.
0:34:46 > 0:34:51- You know what I'm saying? - Yeah, I do and I appreciate it.
0:34:51 > 0:34:52No problem.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55Can't blame a bloke for trying though, can you?
0:34:55 > 0:34:58After all, long time dead.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04- It's you, isn't it? - Don't apologise. No need.
0:35:04 > 0:35:07- I'm used to knock-backs when I'm Simon. - I've no intention of apologising.
0:35:07 > 0:35:11You saw Karen. I know you saw her. So how? How did you find her?
0:35:11 > 0:35:15You passed me in the road. I was Simon, thus invisible.
0:35:15 > 0:35:17And you led me to her. Why did you tell me she was dead?
0:35:17 > 0:35:20Cos you were being a smart arse, reading me like a book,
0:35:20 > 0:35:23treating me like a mug, you condescending prick.
0:35:23 > 0:35:28- She's beautiful.- Yeah, I know she's beautiful. And there's nothing I wouldn't do to stop her getting hurt.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31- So just stay away from her. - What do you think I'm gonna do? - I know what you was up to.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Sitting in that chair, inches away from my wife,
0:35:33 > 0:35:36nose against her tits, getting off on it, you dirty faggot.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38You don't play games with my wife.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40You don't play games with my life.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44You go near her again and I'll kill you.
0:35:44 > 0:35:48- Right.- I'll kill you! I swear, I will kill you if you do.
0:35:48 > 0:35:52- Right.- Yeah, see I come from the real world, you see, you little prick,
0:35:52 > 0:35:55and in the real world, there's no trannies, just pervs.
0:35:55 > 0:35:58There's no...there's no gays, just queers!
0:35:58 > 0:36:00- You know something...?- End of.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04- It never ceases to amaze me...- End of.- It never ceases to amaze me
0:36:04 > 0:36:08the lengths men go to, to suppress the truth about themselves.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12Well, I'm glad you've finally shown your true colours,
0:36:12 > 0:36:16you spineless prick, because Tracie were convincing herself you weren't like all the others.
0:36:16 > 0:36:19All right, fair enough, she's had her fair share of married men
0:36:19 > 0:36:22but you were different, weren't ya? You came back,
0:36:22 > 0:36:25and not just once, but time and time again.
0:36:25 > 0:36:29That poor deluded cow, she'd started to convince herself
0:36:29 > 0:36:31you two had something special.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34You'd think she'd have learnt her lesson by now, wouldn't you?
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Because the one thing she should know is men like you never leave
0:36:37 > 0:36:39- their wives for women like her. - No, they don't, and they never will.
0:36:39 > 0:36:43Right, you know what she said to me, my Karen?
0:36:43 > 0:36:47She said, "He asked for a Cheryl Cole.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50"I think I managed a Myra Hindley."
0:36:58 > 0:37:00Have you seen my phone, love?
0:37:05 > 0:37:07I had it this morning.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09SHE CHOPS
0:37:09 > 0:37:11It's not in the car.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Who's Tracie?
0:37:35 > 0:37:36I don't know.
0:38:17 > 0:38:21PHONE RINGS
0:38:21 > 0:38:24'Hello. Your call cannot be taken at the moment
0:38:24 > 0:38:26'so please leave your message after the tone.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31'You're wrong. I'm not spineless.'
0:38:36 > 0:38:38What?
0:38:38 > 0:38:41- 'I'm not spineless.'- No?
0:38:41 > 0:38:43I've told her.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45- 'Told her what?'- Everything.
0:38:45 > 0:38:47Is this a wind up?
0:38:47 > 0:38:49'Do I sound like I'm joking?'
0:38:49 > 0:38:50Well, why?
0:38:50 > 0:38:54Because she deserves better than me.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57How did she take it?
0:38:57 > 0:38:59'She's over the moon.'
0:38:59 > 0:39:01Where is she now?
0:39:07 > 0:39:10She's gone to her mum's for the night.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13I said I'd be gone by the time she gets back.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17- 'So, you'd best pack your bags...' - What?
0:39:17 > 0:39:21'I've got to go away in the morning and I want you to come with me.'
0:39:21 > 0:39:25- Where?- 'I don't know, anywhere.'
0:39:28 > 0:39:30- I'm working in the morning. - 'Call in sick.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33'Look, I'm not promising anything,
0:39:33 > 0:39:38'but let's just go away for a few days, see what happens.'
0:39:38 > 0:39:40I don't believe I'm hearing this.
0:39:40 > 0:39:44Well, you'd better cos I'm coming for you at nine in the morning.
0:39:49 > 0:39:50Love you.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09HE BEEPS CAR HORN
0:41:17 > 0:41:19All right?
0:41:19 > 0:41:22You're coming like that?
0:41:22 > 0:41:23Yeah, why?
0:41:23 > 0:41:26- Nothing, I just thought... - Thanks very much, sweetheart.
0:41:26 > 0:41:28- No, no look I'm sorry. - Thank you very much indeed.
0:41:28 > 0:41:32No, I'm sorry. I'm just... You look wonderful.
0:41:33 > 0:41:36Ah, thanks.
0:41:36 > 0:41:38No, wait there.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46Thank you.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51Are you sure you're all right to drive, darling?
0:41:51 > 0:41:53You look wiped out.
0:41:53 > 0:41:55Yeah, I'll be fine.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03THEY LAUGH
0:42:03 > 0:42:07On the day before the murder,
0:42:07 > 0:42:12Tony Bains made repeated attempts to phone you, yes?
0:42:12 > 0:42:13Yes.
0:42:15 > 0:42:16What did he say?
0:42:18 > 0:42:20He wanted to meet up.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Why?
0:42:23 > 0:42:24To talk.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27To plan?
0:42:27 > 0:42:29No, to talk.
0:42:32 > 0:42:34Did you talk about his wife?
0:42:35 > 0:42:37Yes.
0:42:37 > 0:42:40You meet. You discuss his wife.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43He goes home and then murders her. Yes?
0:42:44 > 0:42:45Yes.
0:42:45 > 0:42:48And then immediately phones you again?
0:42:48 > 0:42:49Yes.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00PHONE RINGS
0:43:00 > 0:43:02Someone's popular.
0:43:07 > 0:43:09Alan.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12Is that Alan the Neanderthal?
0:43:12 > 0:43:13Yeah.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28PHONE RINGS
0:43:34 > 0:43:36Maureen.
0:43:36 > 0:43:38Karen's mum.
0:44:00 > 0:44:01Are you not hungry?
0:44:01 > 0:44:03No.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07When was the last time you ate?
0:44:08 > 0:44:10Lunch time yesterday.
0:44:10 > 0:44:12Didn't you have any dinner?
0:44:15 > 0:44:17She cooked it for me but I didn't eat it.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25You've been very brave.
0:44:28 > 0:44:33Some people say things like, "Oh, I didn't have the heart to do it."
0:44:33 > 0:44:36Whatever "it" is, whatever bad news "it" is,
0:44:36 > 0:44:38when what they should be saying is,
0:44:38 > 0:44:43"I lacked the emotional courage to do it." But not you.
0:44:43 > 0:44:45And it was even harder for you
0:44:45 > 0:44:49because you've got physical courage,
0:44:49 > 0:44:55you're used to protecting people and shielding them from pain,
0:44:55 > 0:44:58and suddenly you've got to
0:44:58 > 0:45:01tell a woman you love something that will crucify her.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07The temptation to deny yourself,
0:45:07 > 0:45:11to go on sacrificing your own happiness, to go on living a lie,
0:45:11 > 0:45:16it must've been overwhelming but you didn't succumb,
0:45:16 > 0:45:22you did it, and I'm so proud of you for that, my darling,
0:45:22 > 0:45:24so proud of you.
0:45:29 > 0:45:31Young Simon used to lie in bed at night...
0:45:33 > 0:45:35..praying not to wake up,
0:45:35 > 0:45:40"To cease upon the midnight with no pain."
0:45:41 > 0:45:43But he kept waking up.
0:45:43 > 0:45:49He realised he had to tell his parents he was gay or kill himself.
0:45:51 > 0:45:55So he decided having a dead son was slightly worse than having
0:45:55 > 0:45:58a gay one and that's why he told them.
0:46:01 > 0:46:05So even when he came out he did it for other people.
0:46:49 > 0:46:51We used to come here as kids.
0:46:59 > 0:47:01Do you love me?
0:47:03 > 0:47:04Yes.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09What would you do for me?
0:47:11 > 0:47:12Anything.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17You know...
0:47:18 > 0:47:21Living a lie isn't spineless.
0:47:21 > 0:47:24Simon said that, dear, not me.
0:47:24 > 0:47:28It takes guts. Endurance.
0:47:31 > 0:47:32I love my wife.
0:47:32 > 0:47:38I lusted after you, yeah, but I loved Karen.
0:47:41 > 0:47:44How do you tell someone you love that the last 12 years
0:47:44 > 0:47:47have been a lie?
0:47:47 > 0:47:4812 years.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51I couldn't do it.
0:47:54 > 0:47:55Would've broke her heart.
0:47:59 > 0:48:04Better a broken skull than a broken heart and that's not...
0:48:04 > 0:48:07That's not cowardice, that's not lacking emotional courage,
0:48:07 > 0:48:10that's just being human.
0:48:10 > 0:48:11What are you saying?
0:48:11 > 0:48:14I killed her.
0:48:14 > 0:48:17I killed her because I couldn't hurt her.
0:48:19 > 0:48:20I'm gonna have to weigh her down.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23But I can't do that, I can't do it on my own,
0:48:23 > 0:48:26I can't move the body out of the boat, or I'll tip the boat,
0:48:26 > 0:48:28and I can't swim so you'll have to help me.
0:48:28 > 0:48:32- You've got to call the police. - No, I can't. I can't.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34Listen. Listen. Listen.
0:48:34 > 0:48:38Let's just do this together and then we'll live together,
0:48:38 > 0:48:41then we'll go away anywhere you like, any country you like.
0:48:41 > 0:48:44Just me and you. Just me and you.
0:48:49 > 0:48:51She's in the boot?
0:48:52 > 0:48:55You put her in the boot?
0:48:55 > 0:48:56TONY SOBS
0:49:03 > 0:49:06HE GASPS
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Your fingerprints are on the murder weapon.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Yes.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12Can you explain that?
0:49:13 > 0:49:16It was in the boot on top of the body.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20I picked it up to defend myself.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23And if I don't help you?
0:49:24 > 0:49:27What happens if I don't help you?
0:49:27 > 0:49:29Would you kill me as well?
0:51:32 > 0:51:34Why had he put the body into the boot of the car?
0:51:34 > 0:51:37To get rid of it.
0:51:37 > 0:51:39- You were helping him to dispose of it.- No.
0:51:39 > 0:51:43Why the middle of nowhere if not to dispose of the body?
0:51:44 > 0:51:46I thought he wanted sex.
0:51:50 > 0:51:52I'm sorry?
0:51:54 > 0:51:56I said I thought he wanted sex.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59With a man dressed as a woman?
0:52:02 > 0:52:04Yes.
0:52:04 > 0:52:05In the car?
0:52:05 > 0:52:06Yes.
0:52:08 > 0:52:11With his wife lying dead only inches away?
0:52:11 > 0:52:15Listen, I have often had sex dressed as a woman.
0:52:15 > 0:52:18I get more dressed as a woman than I ever do dressed as a man
0:52:18 > 0:52:21but I have never knowingly slept with a man
0:52:21 > 0:52:24while his wife lay dead just inches from me.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25I did not know she was there!
0:52:27 > 0:52:31Have you asked Tony Baines to give evidence on your behalf?
0:52:31 > 0:52:34Yes.
0:52:34 > 0:52:36Is he going to?
0:52:36 > 0:52:38No.
0:52:38 > 0:52:41He was with you the whole time.
0:52:41 > 0:52:43He's confessed to the murder of his wife
0:52:43 > 0:52:44so he has absolutely nothing to lose.
0:52:44 > 0:52:48If you're telling the truth he would vouch for what you say. Yes?
0:52:49 > 0:52:51Yes.
0:52:56 > 0:52:58How d'you think it's going?
0:52:58 > 0:53:00You can never tell.
0:53:03 > 0:53:06Do you think they'll find me guilty?
0:53:06 > 0:53:09I don't think any such thing.
0:53:09 > 0:53:11I'll see you tomorrow.
0:53:11 > 0:53:17Look, could you ask the judge a question for me please?
0:53:21 > 0:53:23THE CROWD MURMUR
0:53:36 > 0:53:39For the avoidance of doubt, this is the accused.
0:53:41 > 0:53:43What shall I call you?
0:53:43 > 0:53:45Tracie Tremarco, your honour.
0:53:45 > 0:53:48Very well, Miss Tremarco, go ahead.
0:53:48 > 0:53:50Thank you.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56Tony's confessed to murder, the prosecution says,
0:53:56 > 0:53:59and he's getting life anyway
0:53:59 > 0:54:02so he's nothing to lose, so why not confirm my story?
0:54:03 > 0:54:05He's got everything to lose.
0:54:06 > 0:54:09Prison when you've murdered your wife, that's hard.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12Prison when you've murdered your wife to sleep with
0:54:12 > 0:54:15a girl like me, that's not hard, that's hell.
0:54:16 > 0:54:19Life in prison for a nonce, and that's what they'll call him,
0:54:19 > 0:54:21life for a nonce is absolute hell
0:54:21 > 0:54:23and that's why he's keeping his mouth shut.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31This is how I was dressed when I was arrested.
0:54:31 > 0:54:35And it caused a bit of a stir right now when I just walked in.
0:54:35 > 0:54:37Happens all the time.
0:54:37 > 0:54:41Now I don't know about you but if I'm getting into a car with
0:54:41 > 0:54:45a body in it, the last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47I doubt I'd dress like this!
0:54:51 > 0:54:53These are the nails I had on.
0:54:53 > 0:54:56French, natural ivory, cost a fortune.
0:54:57 > 0:55:02Now, you do not wear these to drag a body from a car,
0:55:02 > 0:55:06put it in a boat and then dump it in the middle of a lake.
0:55:06 > 0:55:09Similarly...
0:55:09 > 0:55:10These.
0:55:10 > 0:55:12These are the shoes I had on.
0:55:12 > 0:55:16Italian court, saddle stitched, 7.5 centimetre heel.
0:55:18 > 0:55:20How do I dispose of a body in these...
0:55:21 > 0:55:25..when I can just about walk through the court in them?
0:55:25 > 0:55:29I'm innocent, members of the jury.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31Totally innocent.
0:55:37 > 0:55:39All rise.
0:55:51 > 0:55:54Members of the jury, are you agreed upon a verdict?
0:55:54 > 0:55:55We are.
0:55:55 > 0:55:59Do you find the defendant guilty or not guilty of murder?
0:55:59 > 0:56:01Not guilty.
0:56:01 > 0:56:02PEOPLE CHEER
0:56:06 > 0:56:09Right, settle down please.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11And is that the verdict of you all?
0:56:11 > 0:56:13It is.
0:57:49 > 0:57:52A CAR ENGINE IDLES
0:57:54 > 0:57:56City centre, please, darling.
0:57:58 > 0:58:01'There she weaves by night and day
0:58:01 > 0:58:03'A magic web with colours gay
0:58:03 > 0:58:05'She has heard a whisper say
0:58:05 > 0:58:07'A curse is on her if she stay
0:58:07 > 0:58:08'To look down to Camelot.'
0:58:13 > 0:58:18'Lancelot said, "Her case is won. Knickers down, let's have some fun."
0:58:18 > 0:58:21'And then the dirty bastard gave her one
0:58:21 > 0:58:23'The Lady of Shalott.'
0:58:37 > 0:58:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd