:00:17. > :00:21.Hello. It's Joel here in the actual Tardis and welcome to Doctor Who's
:00:22. > :00:24.50th anniversary Greatest Monsters and Villains Weekend, where we
:00:25. > :00:26.reveal your favourite beasties from across time and space - as voted for
:00:27. > :00:40.by you. We are going to catch ourselves a
:00:41. > :00:44.monster. That's right, you the fantastic Doctor Who fans took the
:00:45. > :00:48.time to go online and vote, and now all those mouse clicks have been
:00:49. > :00:51.counted and the results are in. And for any you who aren't happy with
:00:52. > :00:56.the results and think you can go back in time to change things, well
:00:57. > :00:58.- tough. This is one of those fixed points in time and space
:00:59. > :01:02.thingy-wingies that cannot be tampered with, no matter how
:01:03. > :01:04.upsetting. A bit like The Battle of Hastings, Vesuvius destroying
:01:05. > :01:09.Pompeii, or Miley Cyrus's twerking. Oh, it's horrific. First up and in
:01:10. > :01:17.last place it's the horniest beasts in the entire galaxy. Your viewing
:01:18. > :01:22.figures just went up. No, John Barrowman, down boy! That's right.
:01:23. > :01:23.With features that wouldn't look out of place in an African nature
:01:24. > :01:31.reserve, it is of course the Judoon. The Judoon. They are like the
:01:32. > :01:46.police. Interplanetary thugs. # I fought the Law and the Law one
:01:47. > :01:49.#. Man, those things are ugly. Don't
:01:50. > :01:56.worry, I haven't offended them. They're thick-skinned, you see.
:01:57. > :01:59.Judoon? Yes, the Judoon. The Rhino-headed galactic police force,
:02:00. > :02:05.who show an uncompromising, non-commonsensical enforcement of
:02:06. > :02:10.the law. You will be catalogued. Category, human.
:02:11. > :02:20.But they are a simple bunch. Take their language, for example. Nothing
:02:21. > :02:26.but two and three letter words that all seem to end in an O. Just one of
:02:27. > :02:29.the reasons why the Judoon have never produced a Countdown champion.
:02:30. > :02:33.But make no mistake, these thugs for hire are ruthless towards anyone who
:02:34. > :02:39.breaks the law, no matter how trivial the crime.
:02:40. > :02:45.Plead guilty. And there's me thinking you couldn't smoke in
:02:46. > :02:48.hospitals. Ha! Luckily they have no jurisdiction on Earth, so we have
:02:49. > :02:53.nothing to worry about, right? Wrong.
:02:54. > :02:59.As you'll see in this episode, the Judoon aren't too shy to bend the
:03:00. > :03:02.rules themselves. Here we see them use their H2O scoop to transport a
:03:03. > :03:06.hospital from Earth and plonk it on the Moon in order to search for an
:03:07. > :03:12.alien fugitive disguised as a patient.
:03:13. > :03:16.Identify humans and find the transgressor. So without much
:03:17. > :03:17.further ado, here's your tenth-placed greatest monster, the
:03:18. > :03:22.Judoon in Smith And Jones. I had salad. And the night before?
:03:23. > :04:02.Salad again. RAP: What can happen on the
:04:03. > :04:05.average beautiful day? It's a nightmare, cos Dad
:04:06. > :04:18.won't listen, Mum is going mental. Martha, this is epic.
:04:19. > :04:21.You've gotta stop him. Martha, if Mum and Dad kick off,
:04:22. > :04:30.tell 'em I don't even want a party. I didn't ask for one. They can
:04:31. > :04:33.always give me the money instead. Why do I have to tell them?
:04:34. > :04:36.Hold on, that's Mum. I don't mind your father making
:04:37. > :04:41.a fool of himself in private, but this is Leo's 21st -
:04:42. > :04:45.everyone is going to be there, and the entire family
:04:46. > :04:47.will look ridiculous. Mum, it's a party! I can't stop Dad
:04:48. > :04:51.from bringing his girlfriend. Hold on, that's Dad.
:04:52. > :04:54.I'll call you back. Ohh! Martha? Now, tell your mother.
:04:55. > :04:58.Leo is my son, What will it look like for Mum
:04:59. > :05:07.if you're there with Annalise? Hi, Martha! Hiii!
:05:08. > :05:14.Hiii, Annalise... Big kiss! Lots of love!
:05:15. > :05:17.See you at the party, babes! I was all right till this morning
:05:18. > :06:11.and then, I don't know, I woke up
:06:12. > :06:13.and I felt all dizzy again. Well, let's see what Britain's
:06:14. > :06:20.finest might suggest. Er, dizziness could be a sign
:06:21. > :06:25.of early-onset diabetes. We could take bloods and
:06:26. > :06:38.check for Meniere's disease. What did you have for dinner
:06:39. > :06:43.last night? I had salad. And the night before?
:06:44. > :06:47.Salad again. And salad every night for the past
:06:48. > :06:52.week, contrary to my instructions. Salt deficiency, that's all.
:06:53. > :06:57.Simple, honest salt. Hippocrates himself expounded
:06:58. > :07:01.on the virtues of salt. Recommended the inhalation
:07:02. > :07:04.of steam from sea water. Though no doubt, if he'd been
:07:05. > :07:07.afflicted with my students, his oaths might have been
:07:08. > :07:17.rather more colourful. Now then, Mr Smith, good morning
:07:18. > :07:20.to you. How are you today? Oh, not so bad.
:07:21. > :07:23.Still a bit, y'know, bleuch. John Smith, admitted yesterday
:07:24. > :07:26.with severe abdominal pains. Jones? Why don't you see
:07:27. > :07:29.what you can find? Amaze me. Well, it wasn't very clever running
:07:30. > :07:33.round outside, was it? Sorry? On Chancellor Street? You came up to
:07:34. > :07:37.me and took your tie off. Really? I don't know. You just did. Not me.
:07:38. > :07:43.I was here in bed. Ask the nurses. That's weird, cos it looked like
:07:44. > :07:46.you. Have you got a brother? As time passes and I grow ever more
:07:47. > :07:52.infirm and weary, Miss Jones? Are you having trouble
:07:53. > :08:09.locating the heart? Stomach cramps?
:08:10. > :08:16.That is a symptom, not a diagnosis. That happened to me this morning.
:08:17. > :08:27.I had the same thing. And me, in the lift.
:08:28. > :08:30.Well, it's only to be expected. There's a thunderstorm moving in,
:08:31. > :08:32.and lightning is a form of static electricity,
:08:33. > :08:36.as was first proven by... Moving on... I think perhaps
:08:37. > :08:51.a visit from Psychiatric. We tell Annalise that the buffet
:08:52. > :09:04.tonight is 100% carbohydrate In this weather? I'm not going out.
:09:05. > :09:21.It's pouring. It's not raining here. It's like in cartoons,
:09:22. > :09:31.when a man's got a cloud over him. We tell Dad and Annalise
:09:32. > :09:40.to get there early, about 7:30, and we tell Leo to get there at the
:09:41. > :09:44.same time to do that birthday stuff. We tell Mum to get there
:09:45. > :09:46.for about 8:30, 9, then that gives me time to have
:09:47. > :09:51.a word with Annalise, and... What? What the hell was that?
:09:52. > :10:35.Are you all right? It felt like an earthquake, or...?
:10:36. > :10:42.Martha! Have you seen Mr Stoker?
:10:43. > :12:29.I'm sorry, I can't. Hold on.
:12:30. > :12:43.Don't! We'll lose all the air! Very good point! Brilliant, in fact.
:12:44. > :12:52.What was your name? Well, Martha Jones, question is,
:12:53. > :12:58.how are we breathing? We can't be!
:12:59. > :13:01.We are, don't waste my time. Martha, is there a balcony on
:13:02. > :13:04.this floor, or a veranda, or...? By the patients' lounge, yeah.
:13:05. > :13:07.Do you fancy going out? Sure? Yeah.
:13:08. > :14:11.D'you want to go back in? No way. We could die any minute,
:14:12. > :14:13.but all the same... D'you think? How many people
:14:14. > :14:18.want to go to the moon? It's got to be.
:14:19. > :14:32.I dunno, a few years ago that would've sounded mad,
:14:33. > :14:35.but these days... I promise you, Mr Smith,
:14:36. > :15:10.we will find a way out. If we can travel to the moon,
:15:11. > :15:12.we can travel back. There must be a way.
:15:13. > :15:14.It's not Smith. That's not my real name.
:15:15. > :15:16.Who are you, then? Just the Doctor.
:15:17. > :15:26.How do you mean, "Just the Doctor"? Just the Doctor.
:15:27. > :15:29.What, people call you "the Doctor"? Far as I'm concerned,
:15:30. > :15:35.you've got to earn that title. I'd better make a start, then.
:15:36. > :15:37.Let's have a look, What happens when it runs out?
:15:38. > :15:55.How many people here? Why would anyone do that?
:15:56. > :16:03.ENGINES ROAR I'm sorry, I didn't know who else
:16:04. > :17:36.to ask. But can you help me? I think we've gone
:17:37. > :17:38.beyond aspirin, Miss, er...? What are names now, when something
:17:39. > :17:44.unnameable is marching towards us? Two more years, I thought, two more
:17:45. > :17:48.years, and then retire to Florida. I can't do anything!
:17:49. > :18:03.Oh, I think you can. What do you two want? It's a bit
:18:04. > :18:07.late to sign for anything. I'm sorry? You see,
:18:08. > :18:15.there are great tests to come, and terrible deeds,
:18:16. > :18:17.some of them my own. But if I'm to survive this,
:18:18. > :18:21.I need you. What are you doing?
:18:22. > :18:32.Let go of me! What the hell? Let go! And who better than a consultant,
:18:33. > :18:44.with blood full of salty fats and vintage wines and
:18:45. > :18:51.all those Michelin-star sauces? Who are you?
:18:52. > :18:55.Oh, I'm a survivor, Mr Stoker. I was just trying to help. I'm sorry.
:18:56. > :20:21.Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me. ON DEVICE: 'P-Please don't hurt me.
:20:22. > :20:25.I was just trying to help. 'I'm sorry. Don't hurt me.'
:20:26. > :20:28.Language assimilated. Aw, look, you've got a little shop!
:20:29. > :20:57.I like a little shop. Police for hire.
:20:58. > :21:04.More like interplanetary thugs. And they brought us to the moon?
:21:05. > :21:07.Neutral territory. According to Galactic Law, they've
:21:08. > :21:11.got no jurisdiction over the Earth. That rain and lightning?
:21:12. > :21:15.That was them using an H2O Scoop. What are you on about, "Galactic
:21:16. > :21:23.Law"? Where d'you get that from? Human. If they're police,
:21:24. > :21:27.are we under arrest? Are we trespassing on the moon?
:21:28. > :21:31.No, but I like that! Good thinking. No, wish it were that simple.
:21:32. > :21:34.They're making a catalogue. Stop looking at me like that.
:21:35. > :21:54.Come on, then. Troop Five, floor one!
:21:55. > :21:58.Troop Six, floor two! Identify humans
:21:59. > :22:13.and find the transgressor! Find it! They're not going to hurt us.
:22:14. > :22:26.Listen to them. What's that thing?
:22:27. > :22:53.Sonic screwdriver. Well, if you won't answer
:22:54. > :22:55.properly... No, really, it is! It's a
:22:56. > :22:59.screwdriver. And it's sonic. Look. What else have you got?
:23:00. > :23:02.A laser spanner? No, it was stolen by Emily Pankhurst,
:23:03. > :23:05.cheeky woman. I was just travelling past, I swear.
:23:06. > :23:17.I wasn't looking for trouble. I noticed these plasma coils
:23:18. > :23:19.around the hospital. It's been building up
:23:20. > :23:22.for two days now. So I thought something was going on
:23:23. > :23:24.inside. What are they looking for?
:23:25. > :23:30.Something that looks human but isn't. But not me. Haven't they got a photo?
:23:31. > :23:36.Might be a shape-changer. Whatever it is, can't you just
:23:37. > :23:39.leave the Judoon to find it? All of us? Oh, yes.
:23:40. > :23:47.But if I can find this thing first... Oh! See?! They're thick!
:23:48. > :23:49.Judoon are thick. Oh, that's clever.
:23:50. > :23:54.What are we looking for? Don't know. Just keep working. I'll go and
:23:55. > :24:08.ask Mr Stoker. He might know. I've restored the backup.
:24:09. > :24:24.I found her! You did what? But I don't know which one!
:24:25. > :25:33.Then find out! Increased the radiation by 5,000%.
:25:34. > :25:52.Killed him dead. But isn't that gonna kill you?
:25:53. > :25:55.Nah, it's only Rontgen radiation. It's safe for you to come out.
:25:56. > :26:00.I've absorbed it all. shift the radiation out of my body
:26:01. > :26:12.and into one spot - out, out out, ow, ah, itches,
:26:13. > :26:27.itches, itches, itches! You're right.
:26:28. > :26:35.I look daft with one shoe. Where's it from, the Planet Zovirax?
:26:36. > :26:44.Just a Slab. Basic slave drones, you see.
:26:45. > :26:50.Solid leather all the way through. But it was that woman,
:26:51. > :26:54.Miss Finnegan. It was working for her,
:26:55. > :26:57.just like a servant. She had this straw,
:26:58. > :27:04.like some sort of vampire. I love my sonic screwdriver!
:27:05. > :27:06.Doctor! Funny time to take a snack.
:27:07. > :27:18.You'd think she'd be hiding. She wasn't drinking blood,
:27:19. > :27:31.she was assimilating it. We've got to find her
:27:32. > :27:52.and show the Judoon. Come on! That's the thing about Slabs -
:27:53. > :28:19.they always travel in pairs. Well, haven't you got backup? You
:28:20. > :28:29.must have a partner or something. I like that - "Humans"(!) I'm
:28:30. > :28:40.still not convinced you're an alien. Oh, my God, you really are!
:28:41. > :29:03.And again. The Judoon are logical
:29:04. > :29:10.and just a little bit thick. They won't check a floor they've
:29:11. > :29:13.checked already. If we're lucky. We're gonna run out.
:29:14. > :29:20.How you feeling? You all right? Welcome to my world.
:29:21. > :29:25.What about the Judoon? Big lung reserves. Won't slow them
:29:26. > :29:29.down. Where's Mr Stoker's office? Every last drop.
:29:30. > :29:48.I was right, she's a Plasmavore. What's she doing now?
:29:49. > :29:56.She's still not safe. The Judoon could execute us all.
:29:57. > :30:09.Come on. Wait a minute. Stay here.
:30:10. > :30:25.You've got to hold them up. How do I do that?
:30:26. > :30:27.Just... Forgive me. It could save a thousand lives.
:30:28. > :30:39.It means nothing. Honestly. There are these things,
:30:40. > :31:12.these great big space rhino things. I mean, rhinos from space?!
:31:13. > :31:15.And we're on the moon! Great big space rhinos
:31:16. > :31:17.with guns on the moon! I'd recommend this place to anyone,
:31:18. > :31:26.but then we end up on the moon! Now listen.
:31:27. > :31:44.I know who you're looking for. She's this woman.
:31:45. > :31:48.She calls herself Florence. Human. Wait!
:31:49. > :31:51.Non-human trace suspected! Um, that big, erm, machine thing - is
:31:52. > :32:06.it supposed to be making that noise? Like a ginormous sort of a magnet?
:32:07. > :32:15.I did Magnetics GCSE. A magnet with its setting
:32:16. > :32:20.now increased to 50,000 tesla. It'll send out a magnetic pulse
:32:21. > :32:27.that'll fry the brain stems of every living thing
:32:28. > :32:30.within 250,000 miles. But hold on, hold on. I did
:32:31. > :32:37.Geography GCSE. I passed that one. Doesn't that distance include the
:32:38. > :32:41.Earth? Only the side facing the moon. The other half will survive.
:32:42. > :32:43.Call it my gift. Sorry,
:32:44. > :32:46.I'm a little bit out of my depth. With everyone dead, the Judoon ships
:32:47. > :32:54.will be mine to make my escape. That's weird. You talk like
:32:55. > :32:57.you're some sort of an alien. Has it got an ET department?
:32:58. > :33:08.It's a perfect hiding place. Blood banks downstairs
:33:09. > :33:11.for a midnight feast. Maybe that's why they're increasing
:33:12. > :33:28.their scans. What? What does that mean?
:33:29. > :33:39.I must appear to be human. You're welcome to come home and meet
:33:40. > :33:42.the wife, she'd be honoured. We can have cake!
:33:43. > :33:45.Why should I have cake? That's nice.
:33:46. > :33:50.Milkshake? I like banana. And yet, I think,
:33:51. > :33:55.laughing on purpose. I think it's time
:33:56. > :34:03.you found some peace. Steady him! But if it's any consolation,
:34:04. > :34:14.the dead don't tend to remember. Traces of facial contact
:34:15. > :34:19.with non-human. Now see what you've done!
:34:20. > :34:44.This poor man just died of fright. No, he can't be.
:34:45. > :34:55.Let me through, let me see him. She killed him, she did it,
:34:56. > :35:01.she murdered him. Judoon have no authority
:35:02. > :35:05.over human crime. But she's not human!
:35:06. > :35:08.Oh, but I am, I've been catalogued. You drank his blood?
:35:09. > :35:18.The Doctor's blood! Oh, I don't mind, scan all you like.
:35:19. > :35:22.Non-human! I'm human,
:35:23. > :35:30.I'm as human as they come. Those pink cheeks and those blonde
:35:31. > :35:45.curls, and that simpering voice, she was begging for the bite
:35:46. > :35:48.of a Plasmavore! Then you confess?
:35:49. > :35:52.Confess? I'm proud of it! Verdict: guilty.
:35:53. > :36:06.Sentence: execution! Enjoy your victory, Judoon.
:36:07. > :36:11.Cos you're going to burn with me! The scanner shouldn't do that,
:36:12. > :36:30.she's done something. Scans detect lethal acceleration
:36:31. > :36:34.of mono-magnetic pulse. You can't just leave it!
:36:35. > :36:44.What's it gonna do? What about the air?
:36:45. > :37:13.We're running out of air. You can't go! That thing's gonna
:37:14. > :37:25.explode, and it's your fault! One, two, three, four, five...
:37:26. > :37:58.One, two, three, four, five... It's raining, Martha.
:37:59. > :39:42.It's raining on the moon. I told them, "You can't do that,"
:39:43. > :40:12.I said... Martha! Oh, my God, I thought you were dead,
:40:13. > :40:15.what happened? The police didn't have a clue, and
:40:16. > :40:20.I tried phoning. Mum's on her way. But they've closed off
:40:21. > :40:23.all the roads. There's thousands of people
:40:24. > :40:25.trying to get in. Dad phoned. It's on the news
:40:26. > :40:28.and everything, he was crying. Oh, my God, I've been a mess,
:40:29. > :40:31.but what happened? I mean, what really happened,
:40:32. > :40:35.where were you? 'Eyewitness reports from the Royal
:40:36. > :40:38.Hope Hospital are pouring in, 'and all seem to be
:40:39. > :40:41.remarkably consistent. 'This from medical student
:40:42. > :40:44.Oliver Morgenstern. 'I was there, I saw it happen
:40:45. > :40:50.and I feel uniquely privileged. 'I looked out at the surface
:40:51. > :40:53.of the moon. 'and it all just proves
:40:54. > :40:59.Mr Saxon right. 'There's life out there.
:41:00. > :41:05.Wild and extraordinary life.' I am not staying in there
:41:06. > :41:08.to be insulted! She didn't mean it,
:41:09. > :41:11.she just said you look healthy. Oh, can't think why,
:41:12. > :41:18.after you stole my husband! And then she has a go at Martha,
:41:19. > :41:24.accused her of making it all up. As if. They were drugged,
:41:25. > :41:31.it said so on the news! Since when did you watch the news?
:41:32. > :41:34.You can't handle Quizmania! Annalise started it,
:41:35. > :41:37.she did, I heard her. Tish, don't make it worse.
:41:38. > :41:40.Leo, what did she buy you? Soap! A 75 pence soap! I'm never
:41:41. > :41:44.talking to your family again. Annalise, don't you dare!
:41:45. > :41:47.I'm putting my foot down! God knows, you've been doing it
:41:48. > :41:53.for the last 25 years, why stop now? Oh, Mum, don't! I asked the DJ
:41:54. > :41:57.and he's playing that song later, You never even told me who you are.
:41:58. > :42:41.The Doctor. But what sort of species? It's not
:42:42. > :42:45.every day I get to ask that. I just thought,
:42:46. > :42:53.since you saved my life, and I've got a brand new sonic
:42:54. > :42:57.screwdriver which needs road-testing, I can travel in time as well.
:42:58. > :43:14.Get out of here. I can! Come on, that is going too far.
:43:15. > :43:43.I'll prove it. that was this morning, but...
:43:44. > :43:49.Did you? Crossing into established events
:43:50. > :44:00.is strictly forbidden. But there's not much room,
:44:01. > :44:17.we'd be a bit intimate. It's like a box with that room
:44:18. > :44:43.just crammed in! It's bigger on the inside!
:44:44. > :44:48.Is it? I hadn't noticed. Like, a navigator and stuff,
:44:49. > :44:56.where is everyone? I mean, friends,
:44:57. > :45:04.travelling with me. I had... There was recently
:45:05. > :45:07.a friend of mine. Where is she now? With her family.
:45:08. > :45:17.Happy! She's fine. To say thanks, you get one trip, then
:45:18. > :45:29.back home. I'd rather be on my own. Now, don't. And then travel
:45:30. > :45:42.all the way across the universe For the record,
:45:43. > :45:49.I'm not remotely interested. Blimey, it's a bit bumpy!
:45:50. > :46:16.Welcome aboard, Miss Jones. The Globe Theatre
:46:17. > :46:32.containing the man himself. No autographs. Loves Labours Won
:46:33. > :46:41.will never be played.