0:00:12 > 0:00:16# Hark! The Herald Angels sing
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# "Glory to the newborn king!"
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# Peace on earth and mercy mild
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# God and sinners reconciled
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# Joyful, all ye nations, rise
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# Join the triumph of the skies... #
0:00:37 > 0:00:39HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Nothing there.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48Oh!
0:00:50 > 0:00:51This must be it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55HE KNOCKS
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Is there anything on my head?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03- Er, well, yes.- Describe it.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Well, you've sort of got antlers.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07- Antlers?- Yes, antlers.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- Antlers!- Hm.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11ANTLERS JINGLE
0:01:11 > 0:01:13You are a time-space machine!
0:01:13 > 0:01:14You're a vehicle!
0:01:14 > 0:01:18I've never asked you to cheer me up with hologrammatic antlers!
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Thank you.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- Can I help you?- Yes, are you the surgeon?- Close enough, why?
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- Well, you know.- I don't know. - There's a medical emergency.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Will there be singing?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- No.- Fine, then.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37- We weren't sure where you'd come down.- Sorry?- In your capsule.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40I'm never sure. I don't like being sure about things.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43One minute you're sure, the next everybody turns into lizards
0:01:43 > 0:01:45- and a piano falls on you. - A piano?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47It's been a long day.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Are you expecting a surgeon?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53So what's the medical emergency?
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Didn't you read the agreement?
0:01:56 > 0:01:57There it is.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01- What?- There, that's it.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03That's what?
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Oh, the flying saucer.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Is that new?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Come on.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Well, you took your time.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Sorry, ma'am. This is him.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25- This is the surgeon.- Hello.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27You don't look much like your pictures.
0:02:27 > 0:02:28That's an ongoing problem for me.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Doesn't look very impressive, does he?
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Nardole, what HAVE you brought to my doorstep?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- I've had a haircut, this is my best suit.- It's not even a suit.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39- Do I know you? - You most certainly do not.
0:02:40 > 0:02:44And now that you've met me, you'll do your very best to forget me.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45River!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Oi! Dr Song to you.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Sometimes Professor, but mainly Doctor.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Don't use my name. Ever.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- How do you know me? - Well, it's a tiny bit complicated.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- People usually need a flowchart. - It doesn't matter.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02If either of you use my name again,
0:03:02 > 0:03:06I will remove your organs in alphabetical order.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- Any questions?- Which alphabet?
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- Sorry, you really didn't want these questions, did you?- This way.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13We don't have a lot of time.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- What seems to be the problem? - My husband.
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Your husband?
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Didn't you read my message? My husband, yes.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23My husband is dying.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Something wrong?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33I think I'm going to need a bigger flowchart.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14ECCLESIASTICAL SINGING
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Husband, I return to you.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Where is my queen?
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Never far from you, my love.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Aahhh.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31No, wait.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- That's your husband? - Listen, you are being watched
0:04:36 > 0:04:37by four billion people.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40You are surrounded by warrior monks with sentient laser swords,
0:04:40 > 0:04:43genetically engineered anger problems and not enough to do.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Best just stay still and keep your hands by your side.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47No, wait...
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- THAT's your husband? - My husband, your patient.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52King Hydroflax.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Yes, that's who you're married to, not anybody else?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58My love, attend me, woman!
0:04:58 > 0:05:00I fly to you.
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Is there a problem?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Right, so you don't recognise me, then?- Why would I recognise you?
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Oh, no reason.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11I don't like him. Do you like him?
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Don't cross your arms.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14He's a lying-down person.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I don't like lying-down people. It's so untidy.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- Keep your arms by your side, like she said.- My one true love!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23The only husband I will ever have.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27My time with you has been too short.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30You have given me days of adventure
0:05:30 > 0:05:33and many nights of passion.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- Oh-oh!- Why d'you keep crossing them?
0:05:35 > 0:05:40- Because they cross, I've got cross arms.- The end is near. I feel it.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Forgive me, my lord. I have acted against your instructions.
0:05:43 > 0:05:49- My love?- If you die this day, this galaxy will drown any tears.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Look at them - your people!
0:05:52 > 0:05:55They watch and hope and pray.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00With so much at stake, I followed my heart. I disobeyed your orders...
0:06:00 > 0:06:07and sent for the finest surgeon in the galaxy!
0:06:07 > 0:06:11CHEERING
0:06:19 > 0:06:21HE CHUCKLES
0:06:24 > 0:06:27This might be an alarming question in the circumstance,
0:06:27 > 0:06:29but...you really do think I'm a surgeon, don't you?
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Oh...
0:06:32 > 0:06:35OK, calm down, keep it together.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Don't make puddles.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Surgeon. Attend your patient.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Oh!
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Any tiny hint of species he might be?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53HE WHIMPERS OK, never mind, you just stay there.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55You're probably going to need a mop.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- Bow.- Sorry, what?
0:07:00 > 0:07:04You are in the presence of his Infinite Majesty, King Hydroflax.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- You will bow.- Oh, no, I'm sorry, Your Majesty, I can't do that.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- You what?- It's my back.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Your back? - Yeah, my back's playing up.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14It simply refuses to carry the weight
0:07:14 > 0:07:17of an entirely pointless stratum of society
0:07:17 > 0:07:19who contribute nothing of worth to the world
0:07:19 > 0:07:22and crush the hopes and dreams of working people.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Can you save me, Surgeon?
0:07:29 > 0:07:31Well, that depends upon what's wrong with you.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- There's something in his brain. - You could have fooled me.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Oh, sorry.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Sorry, just gallows humour. Probably the wrong word.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Yeah, I would say it is. - My love, you must rest.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49The surgeon and I will discuss the procedure.
0:07:49 > 0:07:54Prepare, master of my life, to live anew.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56KISSING
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Patience be with you all.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Our King will rise again!
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- ALL:- Our King will rise again.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08Our King will rise again!
0:08:08 > 0:08:13Hydroflax! Hydroflax!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15All right, enough of this. The joke's over.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- What joke?- Look at me.
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Why?
0:08:19 > 0:08:20I'm the Doctor.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23You'd better be, you've got an operation to perform.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28Here's the entry wound, just below the hairline. And...
0:08:29 > 0:08:30..there's the projectile.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33It should have killed him straight off, but he's very strong.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- That's not a bullet. - It's a diamond.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- How did it get in there?- At speed.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Do you recognise it?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- No!- Yes.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- The Halassi Androvar.- The very same.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Hydroflax was leading the raid on the Halassi vaults.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52In the ensuing firefight, the whole thing blew up in his face,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55with the result that he now has the most valuable diamond
0:08:55 > 0:09:00in the universe lodged three inches inside his enormous head.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02So...
0:09:04 > 0:09:05..can you remove it?
0:09:05 > 0:09:09It's very small, it might be difficult to manoeuvre it.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Not the diamond.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12His head!
0:09:14 > 0:09:16- His head?- Yes.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19I think it would be easier just to remove the whole thing, don't you?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Wouldn't that kill him?- You're the medical expert, but I'd say so, yes.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Your husband?- Sort of.- Sort of?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I basically married the diamond.
0:09:26 > 0:09:31- The Halassi want their diamond back, so they came to me.- Why?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- I'm an archaeologist. - Slash murderer slash thief.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35An archaeologist IS just a thief.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39With patience. Never had much of that.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42It'll fit in here, don't you think? I've checked it for leaks.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- Is this what you're like when I'm not...?- Not what?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47You're talking about murdering someone.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49No, I'm not. I'm actually murdering someone.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Cheer up, get a saw, I'll kill the lights, you kill the patient.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I employed you! You agreed to this.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Do you not know who that man is?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03King Hydroflax, the butcher of the Bone Meadows,
0:10:03 > 0:10:07who ends his battles by eating his enemies, dead or alive.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08The murder of a creature like that
0:10:08 > 0:10:11wouldn't weigh heavily on my conscience, even if I had one.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14What's that face?
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Are you...thinking?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21- Stop it, you're a man, it looks weird.- I need more information.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- For what?- For my diagnosis.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25He's dying. We're about to steal his head
0:10:25 > 0:10:28and scoop out his brains. Aren't we overthinking?
0:10:28 > 0:10:29I'll be the judge of that.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31I'm the Doctor.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33You know who you remind me of?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Yes, probably a chap with a big...
0:10:36 > 0:10:38My second wife.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Darling!
0:10:52 > 0:10:53You're up and about!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56- False wife! - How much better you're looking!
0:10:56 > 0:10:57You plan to take my head.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Never crossed my mind. Is this your bag?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Perhaps you should have just asked.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23Well! I wondered why we didn't share a bathroom.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26You married a cyborg and you didn't even know it.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I'll have you flogged and flayed and burnt.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32I will crush every last remnant of you from this universe.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34How dare you! I'm your wife.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- You planned to murder me! - Don't change the subject.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Why are you doing this? Who ARE you?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41I'm Professor River Song.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44You have an ancient artefact of great value to good people,
0:11:44 > 0:11:47and whatever it takes, I'm going to bring it home to them.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51You have stolen so much from so many, King Hydroflax,
0:11:51 > 0:11:54and I'm the woman who's going to steal it all back.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55What are you?!
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I'm an archaeologist.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Look! I've got a trowel.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01TROWEL WHIRS
0:12:03 > 0:12:06- Ha-ha-ha!- Do not harm her!
0:12:06 > 0:12:09If you know what's good for you, do not lay a finger on that woman.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Ignore him. Attack!
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- Garbage disposal, right? Get ready to say, "Whee!"- Put me down.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Back off from River Song. Give the order now.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Get yourself under control.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Do not attack the female.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Nobody move, or the head gets it!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32- Do you really have a shooty trowel? - It's sonic.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Sonic trowel, you realise how ridiculous that sounds?
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- Their threats are empty! Destroy them!- Negative.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- 78 percent of significant tissue damage.- Do as you're told!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Decision overruled. Recommendation - chill.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Look at that, your body's got a mind of its own.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49More like an onboard computer for the cybernetic component.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Plus in-built flash drive and vernacular friendly interface.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Cyber co-pilot.- Mobile life support.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- Sexy.- It's not sexy.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- Absolutely sexy. - Why is everything sexy now?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Speaking of which... Ramone, prep for emergency extraction, two to go.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- 'Standing by for teleport.' - Put it in the bag.- Sorry?
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- The head. Put it in the bag. - Do not put me in the bag.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Quickly, do it. Ramone, 20 seconds to jump.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I will not be placed into a bag!
0:13:11 > 0:13:14Stop shouting a minute if you want to go face-up.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16You will be crushed! You will be destroyed!
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- You will beg my infinite mercy! - Oh, zip it!
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Try to follow me and I'll put him in a blender.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Ramone, now.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30They will be tracked. They will be found.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Agh! Ohh!
0:13:39 > 0:13:43Ramone! Just once, can you get the height right?
0:13:43 > 0:13:44'Sorry, Professor.'
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- MUFFLED:- When I escape, I will bring terror to you and your family.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48There is no escape from the...
0:13:48 > 0:13:51'I'm on it. The capsule is really close.'
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- THE DOCTOR LAUGHS - Is something funny?
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Who dares laugh at Hydroflax?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You shall be crushed! You shall scream in fear!
0:13:59 > 0:14:02- Let me out of this bag!- This is a serious mission in a critical phase.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04There is nothing to laugh about here.
0:14:04 > 0:14:09We're being threatened by a bag! By a head in a bag!
0:14:09 > 0:14:12I shall make dust of you. My enemies are meat for the devouring!
0:14:15 > 0:14:19I can't approve of any of this, but I haven't laughed in a long time.
0:14:19 > 0:14:24- Good for you.- Prepare to die in agony and submit to my supremacy!
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- SHOUTS:- Unzip this bag!
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- You know, don't you?- Know what?
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Stop pretending. You know who I am.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41- Who are you?- You know who I am, it's...it's...it's me.- Great.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Who ARE you?
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Professor Song!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Sorry, Professor, sorry about the height thing.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Prove it.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Ugh!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Doesn't it get dull after a while?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04As an activity, it's not hugely varied, is it?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I'm so sorry.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09This is my husband, Ramone.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Another one?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- Are you going to kill him, too? - We're not actually married.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- We are, in fact. I wiped it from your memory.- Why?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19You were being annoying. So, the Damsel, do we have a fix?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Found the capsule just over in the village, but I can't locate Damsel.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- I've looked everywhere. - Who's Damsel?- Have you been thorough?
0:15:25 > 0:15:27It's not easy - he does have 12 faces.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30None of these men are here. Are you sure it's one of these?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Yes! He only has these 12 faces. He'll be around here somewhere.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37This is the closest intersection with the Doctor's timeline.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40That's why I crashed Hydroflax's ship here.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- Damsel.- Codename - "Damsel in Distress".
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Apparently, he needs a lot of rescuing.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49What if he has a face that you don't know about yet?
0:15:49 > 0:15:50He has limits.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Well, then, let's go find him.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- You are in league with the former Queen.- She employed me!
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- I didn't really know anything. - You have information.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Oh, hardly anything, really. A tiny bit.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08You will give this information to us.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- Oh, absolutely! Course I will. - We will take the information.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Anything you like.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16- I'll even write it down for you. - That will not be necessary.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19You will be uploaded. We apologise for the inconvenience.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Uploaded? How?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Recommendation...
0:16:25 > 0:16:26..hold still.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Ooh-ooh!
0:16:31 > 0:16:35No, this is no good. I don't like this.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- Your cooperation is appreciated. - I never agreed!
0:16:38 > 0:16:41No, this is unfair.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Pursuit now commences.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44This is too tall!
0:16:44 > 0:16:46I'm afraid of heights.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Recommendation - close your eyes.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54HE WHIMPERS
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Aaargh!
0:16:58 > 0:17:02What if we can't find him? We need to get you off-world now.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05"Off-world"? People never say that. Are you new?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07We can't hang around waiting, he could be ages.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Yes, he's probably off rebuilding a civilisation
0:17:09 > 0:17:11or defeating giant robot fish...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- We'll just have to steal it.- ..from the ninth dimension. Sorry, what?
0:17:14 > 0:17:15The hopper is really close,
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- we'd be out of here in less than ten minutes.- I need time travel.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- I need this TARDIS!- I'm sorry, the word "steal",
0:17:21 > 0:17:22- somebody said "steal".- Yes.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27We're going to steal this box. Hush, you wouldn't understand.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28You can't.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32- Why can't I?- You can't just steal a TA...a box.- Why not?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Look, it says "Police". - I have a key.
0:17:35 > 0:17:40OK, this Damsel person, he sounds... he sounds pretty dangerous...
0:17:40 > 0:17:41ish.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44It's a...time...machine.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46I can take it, do whatever I want for as long as I like
0:17:46 > 0:17:49and pop it back a second later, he'll never know it was gone.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Yes, he will.- How?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- He'll just know. - Well, he's never noticed before.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58Maybe...he'll notice now.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01SHE LAUGHS
0:18:01 > 0:18:04I'll see you on Temple Beach.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07I've already picked out your swimwear.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- OK, but be careful.- Absolutely not.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14You, with me. Bring the head.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Please, look after her for me.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Oh, before you come in, you'd better prepare yourself for a shock.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28It's not as...snug as it looks.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Finally.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Finally?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40It's my go.
0:18:43 > 0:18:49Oh...my...God!
0:18:49 > 0:18:50It's bigger!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- Well, yes.- On the inside!
0:18:52 > 0:18:53- We need to concentrate. - Than it is!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56I know where you're going with this, but I need you to calm down.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- On the outside!- You've certainly grasped the essentials.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03My entire understanding of physical space has been transformed!
0:19:03 > 0:19:07Three-dimensional Euclidean geometry has been torn up,
0:19:07 > 0:19:10thrown in the air and snogged to death!
0:19:10 > 0:19:15My grasp of the universal constants of physical reality
0:19:15 > 0:19:17has been changed...
0:19:19 > 0:19:20..forever.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Sorry.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I've always wanted to see that done properly.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Would you like a drink? Aldebaran brandy.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Help yourself, but don't tell Dad.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- BEEPING - What's that noise?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37It seems to have powered down, conserving batteries.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38It's an in-built life-support system.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- I'm not sure what powers it, but... - I really don't care.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43- What's that noise?- I don't know. A signal? Distress call?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- Homing beacon.- Possibly. - So the rest of him is coming?
0:19:46 > 0:19:50- He must be very cross - he's lost his head.- Time we were off then.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52VWORP
0:19:52 > 0:19:54JUDDERING
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- You're doing it wrong. - I am certainly not.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02Not those levers.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Hush.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- You probably want to press that button.- Why?!
0:20:08 > 0:20:11That evacuates the waste tank on deck seven.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- Does it?- What is wrong with you?
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Better avoid deck seven then.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17Something's interfering with the engines,
0:20:17 > 0:20:18which is technically not possible.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20- Maybe.- How would you know?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Maybe the engines are interfering with themselves.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Wild theory, but what if this machine had certain safeguards.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30For instance, maybe it can't take off when a life form registers
0:20:30 > 0:20:33as being both inside and outside at the same time?
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Head and body.
0:20:34 > 0:20:40Which would mean - and again, I'm just wildly theorising here -
0:20:40 > 0:20:43that's the door would not engage properly.
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Of course. It can't seal the real-time envelope.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Hence it can't take off.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Not when someone is in and out at the same time.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57- I mean, that just wouldn't be good manners, would it?- You're very quick.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58Yes.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00For a Doctor.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Yes.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Seriously?
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Hello?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Hello, is that you?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- Nardole, is that you?- It's me, yes.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22- Please, you've got to help me. - What's wrong? Where are you?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27In the alleyway. Can't you see me? Come a bit closer.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29- What are you doing there?- Help me.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32Are you injured?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Well, er...yes.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Sorry. So sorry. It made me!
0:21:42 > 0:21:46- Nardole, why are you pointing a gun at your own head?- It's not my head!
0:21:46 > 0:21:51- Well, it is my head, but it's not my gun.- What happened to you?- Please.
0:21:52 > 0:21:53Just do as it says.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55THE DOCTOR: It's signalling.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59- We have to assume the body is homing in on this.- So, how do we stop it?
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Well, we could chop his head off.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02- Oh, look...- Does sarcasm help?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- Wouldn't it be a great universe if it did?- So, summing up,
0:22:05 > 0:22:06it's coming, we can't take off,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- we can't seal the doors.- Yep.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11So...we just kill the head, right?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- You can't shoot the head in the face! - Why not?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Aaarrgh!
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Go on, then, tell him to put his hands up.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Do not fire if you value your lives. - Why, what are you going to do?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Kill me, and my body will burn.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- Burn what?- This world!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Inquiry - are you acquainted with the criminal River Song?
0:22:32 > 0:22:34That wasn't me, that was him!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Repeat, are you acquainted with the criminal River Song?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Please, just answer it.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Yes.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44You will take River Song a message.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46What message?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- RIVER:- Suppose we believe you - how?
0:22:48 > 0:22:51My body contains a split quantum actualiser.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53A perpetually stabilised black hole - that's your power source.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55What sort of medical school did you go to?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- A really good one for doctors. - More than a power source.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- If necessary, a bomb.- So you could wipe out this solar system.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- It wouldn't be the first. - It would be your last.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- A fitting end for the glory of Hydroflax.- So, why haven't you threatened this before?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09A king does not endanger his people for no reason.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- You're endangering them now. - I'm cross.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- BANGING - Dr Song, are you there?
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- I have a message for you. - Ramone! Get in here!
0:23:19 > 0:23:22- Ahh!- You're going to die!
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- Kill her.- No!- Put her down.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Kill her now!
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Death initiating.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35I'm so sorry!
0:23:39 > 0:23:40VWORP! VWORP!
0:23:40 > 0:23:42I'm sorry!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Stop them! Stop them!
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- Where are we going?- Get the hell out!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- Stop them!- Death initiating.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- You set the coordinates - where for? - Just get the damn head!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Kill them! Destroy them!
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- Kill them!- Here.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07With me.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- Where are we?- This way, come on. - What about the box?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Stop holding my hand, people don't do that to me.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15- Hush.- Don't hush me.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18I'm not a hushing person.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23BURBLING
0:24:29 > 0:24:33- TANNOY:- 'We are currently cruising at warp factor 12.'
0:24:35 > 0:24:39'Traversing the fourth galaxy of our seven-galaxy cruise.'
0:24:40 > 0:24:42'Next is the Andromeda galaxy.'
0:24:49 > 0:24:53'Supernova approaching now to starboard.'
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Ah, Dr Song.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Your table is ready.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Flemming! How are the twins?
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Still digesting their mother, thank you for asking.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- I'm sure it was a lovely ceremony. - Oh, there were tears.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10And just a hint of screaming.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12THEY LAUGH
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Er, Flemming, I wonder,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18could you deadlock seal the baggage hold for me?
0:25:18 > 0:25:22It's a little irregular. The other passengers might want access.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Do you remember that time I was transporting dragon eggs?
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Consider it done.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29BLEEPING, LOCKS ENGAGING
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Is the gentleman here for dinner?
0:25:32 > 0:25:33- Yes, he is.- Excellent!
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- I'll have the chef prepare him immediately.- No, you won't.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39He will in fact be joining me to eat.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43I was about to suggest that force-feeding might be required.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46This way. Oh, may I take your bag?
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Oh, no, that's fine, Thanks.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50MUFFLED RANTING
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Sorry. It was my stomach.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58MUFFLED SHOUTING I have an irritable bowel.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00My revenge will be merciless!
0:26:00 > 0:26:03- I will rip you open and devour you! - It's having a day.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05You cannot escape!
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- This way.- Your actions will not go unpunished!
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Here.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Ow!- I don't suppose you mind if I freshen up.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21- Not bad for 200, eh?- 200?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I have an augmented lifespan. Long story.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- So, what's the occasion?- I've got the diamond, now it's time to sell it.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30I thought you were returning it to the Halassi?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Tell me, were you born boring, or did you have to work at it?
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Where did you find a buyer?
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Look around you.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38The starship Harmony And Redemption,
0:26:38 > 0:26:40minimum ticket price one billion credits,
0:26:40 > 0:26:43plus the provable murder of multiple innocent life forms.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Suites are reserved for planet-burners.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Thank you.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Even the staff are required to have a verifiable history
0:26:51 > 0:26:52of indiscriminate slaughter.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56This is where genocide comes to kick back and relax.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Do try the fish.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03BANGING
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Mr Flemming, there's an issue.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Why are you frowning?
0:27:22 > 0:27:24How did you know?
0:27:24 > 0:27:25It's audible.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28Deadlock seals can be broken.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29By geniuses.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Hydroflax has a brain the size of a pea
0:27:32 > 0:27:34and it's currently under the table.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36He's gone back to sleep, I think.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- You married him, though. - I told you, I married the diamond.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41- How?- I posed as his nurse.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43- Took me a week.- To fall in love?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46It's the easiest lie you can tell a man.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50They'll automatically believe any story they're the hero of.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57River, there's, er...
0:27:57 > 0:28:00there's something I should probably tell you.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Dr Song, your guest has docked,
0:28:03 > 0:28:05he should be with you in a very few minutes.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07- Thank you. Whenever he's ready. - Of course.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09What's the book?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Oh, it's my diary.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16One should always have something sensational to read on a spaceship.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Is it sad?
0:28:20 > 0:28:23- Why would a diary be sad? - I don't know, it's just that...
0:28:23 > 0:28:25you look sad.
0:28:30 > 0:28:31It's nearly full.
0:28:31 > 0:28:32So?
0:28:36 > 0:28:39The man who gave me this was the sort of man who'd know
0:28:39 > 0:28:43exactly how long a diary you were going to need.
0:28:49 > 0:28:50He sounds awful.
0:28:50 > 0:28:54I suppose he is. I've never really thought about it.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Not somebody special then?
0:28:59 > 0:29:00No.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04But terribly useful every now and then.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11Please! I just need you to get me out of here.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14He's in the main hold, sir, but you've deadlocked it.
0:29:14 > 0:29:17If you don't mind be observing, sir, you do seem a little nervous.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20Is someone threatening you?
0:29:20 > 0:29:21I'm the only one here.
0:29:21 > 0:29:25- Confirmed, sir, there's only one reading in the hold.- I'm on my way.
0:29:25 > 0:29:29- Be careful, sir.- Don't worry, I'll just stick my head round the door.
0:29:31 > 0:29:36- So who is this buyer?- No idea, he just responded to the advert.
0:29:41 > 0:29:44- Which of you is Song? - Who wants to know?
0:29:44 > 0:29:46I am Scratch.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Don't need your name. Are you empowered to purchase?
0:29:48 > 0:29:51I represent the Shoal of the Winter Harmony.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54Don't care, don't want to know. I'll need immediate payment.
0:29:54 > 0:29:55- Can you do that? - And could you either sit down
0:29:55 > 0:29:57or fetch us the wine list or something?
0:30:03 > 0:30:06- You have the diamond? - Of course I have the diamond.
0:30:06 > 0:30:07Show me the money.
0:30:18 > 0:30:21SQUELCHING
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Just a thought, you probably shouldn't do that in a restaurant.
0:30:42 > 0:30:46Once instructed, this will transfer the necessary funds
0:30:46 > 0:30:48- to whatever account you choose. - Thank you.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50The diamond.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52You're going to have to dig for it a bit,
0:30:52 > 0:30:55but somehow I don't think that's going to be a problem for you.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58- Is this a deception?- No. The diamond is in there.
0:30:58 > 0:31:01This is a public place, there won't be any tricks.
0:31:01 > 0:31:03This is not a public place.
0:31:11 > 0:31:15- Block booking, that's clever. - You needn't have bothered.
0:31:15 > 0:31:16I've brought what you want.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Please do assume that I have also taken precautions,
0:31:18 > 0:31:21and don't do anything that might make me cross and kill you.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Statement accepted.
0:31:23 > 0:31:25The diamond is here?
0:31:25 > 0:31:28HISSING
0:31:28 > 0:31:29The payment, then.
0:31:30 > 0:31:35100 billion credits. As we agreed.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38- This accesses all the banks in the galaxy.- Thank you.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Here you go, then.
0:31:40 > 0:31:44You may need to use a spoon or knitting needle or something.
0:31:44 > 0:31:48- Be it known, we do not do this for ourselves.- I really don't care.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51We do it in honour of our distant and loving King,
0:31:51 > 0:31:55who once visited our world in blood and joy.
0:31:55 > 0:31:56Well, isn't that lovely?
0:31:56 > 0:32:00We honour thee, we prostrate ourselves in your name...
0:32:00 > 0:32:02Hydroflax.
0:32:02 > 0:32:03- ALL CHANTING:- Hydroflax!
0:32:03 > 0:32:08For love of thee, we do this thing today. Hydroflax.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10Hydroflax!
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Hydroflax! Hydroflax!
0:32:13 > 0:32:15Hydroflax!
0:32:15 > 0:32:18Give it. Give us the treasure.
0:32:18 > 0:32:22Hydroflax! Hydroflax! Hydroflax!
0:32:22 > 0:32:24What is wrong?
0:32:24 > 0:32:26Er...well, er...
0:32:26 > 0:32:27awkward.
0:32:30 > 0:32:34- I beg of you, not my head! - Information is required.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36You know of River Song, wife of Hydroflax?
0:32:37 > 0:32:40I do. I know River Song of old.
0:32:40 > 0:32:46And if you spare me, I'll tell you who she's really married to.
0:32:46 > 0:32:48- Explain.- You need a head.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51I can get you a head... fit for a king.
0:32:51 > 0:32:55Why do you delay? We have paid, we will receive.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58Yes, you will.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00Of...by jingo, you will, yes, of course.
0:33:00 > 0:33:05- But obviously, we have to, you know, er, check some...- Things.
0:33:05 > 0:33:09Things. There are things that have to be checked before I get it to you.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11If we don't check the thing, then...
0:33:11 > 0:33:12We will receive!
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Yes, you will receive, and here it is.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18Now, on its way.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21- This small distance. - We will receive!
0:33:21 > 0:33:22Here you go.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25And you can have the bag as well.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28You know, it's been...lovely.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32But we don't want to intrude on this special moment,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35so why don't we just leave you with the new baby...?
0:33:35 > 0:33:37You will remain.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39Is that strictly necessary?
0:33:39 > 0:33:42I do not like...surprises.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Well, it's going to be a funny old day.
0:33:49 > 0:33:51Oh, boy.
0:33:52 > 0:33:55You know what? I just can't stand idly by and let this continue.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58Death has been done this day!
0:33:59 > 0:34:02Noble blood has been spilled.
0:34:02 > 0:34:05And our tears will surely follow.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08The sky shall crack,
0:34:08 > 0:34:11the ground shall heave,
0:34:11 > 0:34:15and even the rocks and the stones
0:34:15 > 0:34:18shall weep their rage.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Behold!
0:34:20 > 0:34:23The head of Hydroflax!
0:34:27 > 0:34:30Rest now, sweet prince.
0:34:30 > 0:34:34Walk amongst us nevermore.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Shall we start the bidding at 200 billion?
0:34:38 > 0:34:40I'm sorry, Professor Song,
0:34:40 > 0:34:43but we really couldn't keep this treasure from the truly devout.
0:34:43 > 0:34:46My apologies to the truly devout.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49- Shall we find out who is the most truly devout?- This is heresy!
0:34:49 > 0:34:52- 200 over there. - 250 million by the sweet trolley.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54Silence! This is not our way.
0:34:54 > 0:34:57It doesn't say much for your king if you can't put a price on his head.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00Let us see what the king himself has to say.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03Aaargh!
0:35:05 > 0:35:06Quick!
0:35:07 > 0:35:10Professor Song! Has the food disappointed you?
0:35:10 > 0:35:13THUDDING
0:35:13 > 0:35:16PANICKED SCREAMS
0:35:17 > 0:35:20At last, I am whole again.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25Come to me, my body.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Well? Put me back.
0:35:35 > 0:35:37Scan in progress.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40You don't need to scan me, just put me back.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43Tissue deterioration now irreversible.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45What are you going to do about that?
0:35:45 > 0:35:48Additional, the projectile inside your brain continues to move.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51Prognosis - death in seven minutes.
0:35:51 > 0:35:52Well, I refuse.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55King Hydroflax does not accept death.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Orders requested.
0:35:57 > 0:36:00Whatever I need to survive, do it. Now.
0:36:00 > 0:36:03- Orders accepted. You need a new head.- No!
0:36:03 > 0:36:06No. Not a new head!
0:36:06 > 0:36:08Orders implementing.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10No. No...!
0:36:17 > 0:36:21I don't suppose you could fetch that over for me, could you?
0:36:24 > 0:36:27As I was saying, Your Majesty.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Well, your remaining Majesty.
0:36:32 > 0:36:36If it's a new head you're after, this is the guide to the very best.
0:36:36 > 0:36:40- Don't touch that. Give that back to me.- The diary of River Song.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43The ultimate guide to the Time Lord known as the Doctor.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45Don't you dare touch that!
0:36:46 > 0:36:49Long live the King.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53"The Pandorica Opens."
0:36:53 > 0:36:54Ooh, that sounds exciting.
0:36:55 > 0:36:58And goodness me, a picnic at Asgard.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01Some people really know how to snack, don't they?
0:37:01 > 0:37:04You should know, I have a significant history of escaping.
0:37:04 > 0:37:07"The Crash of the Byzantium." Didn't they make a movie of that?
0:37:07 > 0:37:10And when I do, I'm going to kill you.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14Oh, Jim the Fish! Well, we all know Jim the Fish.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17And the longer you spend reading my diary,
0:37:17 > 0:37:18the longer I'm going to take.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21And you've just been to Manhattan.
0:37:22 > 0:37:24What planet is that?
0:37:24 > 0:37:26So do, please, keep going.
0:37:27 > 0:37:28This is irrelevant.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31If I may intrude, Your Majesty.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34The Doctor is a legendary being of remarkable power
0:37:34 > 0:37:37and an infinite number of faces.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41His head, I assure you, would be your crowning achievement.
0:37:41 > 0:37:45- TAPPING - Besides which, many of us on this ship would be
0:37:45 > 0:37:50happy to see his career cut off, as it were, at the neck.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53Proceed faster, or YOUR head will be taken!
0:37:53 > 0:37:55I would give my head with gladness.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58This woman is the known consort of the Doctor.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Confirmation required. Uploading.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06Ooh. Ooh!
0:38:06 > 0:38:10Is River Song the consort of the Time Lord known as the Doctor?
0:38:10 > 0:38:11Huh?
0:38:11 > 0:38:13I think so, yeah.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17Here, can I stay up for a bit? It's really very whiffy down there.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19Aww!
0:38:19 > 0:38:21Oh, it's awful!
0:38:21 > 0:38:25So, where is the Doctor now?
0:38:26 > 0:38:28I haven't the faintest idea.
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- Is that credible?- It's true.
0:38:31 > 0:38:35- You're the woman he loves. - No, I'm not.- She's lying.
0:38:35 > 0:38:39The Doctor does not and has never loved me. I'm not lying.
0:38:42 > 0:38:47- Confirmed. The life form is not lying.- Impossible. This is a trick.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50- No, it isn't. - My information is correct.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53You are the woman who loves the Doctor.
0:38:53 > 0:38:54Yes, I am. I've never denied it.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57But whoever said he loved me back?
0:38:57 > 0:39:02He's the Doctor, he doesn't go around falling in love with people.
0:39:02 > 0:39:06And if you think he's anything that small or that ordinary,
0:39:06 > 0:39:09then you haven't the first idea of what you're dealing with.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14Your Majesty, I assure you, she is the perfect bait.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17When this woman is in danger, the Doctor will always come.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Oh, you are a moron. No, he won't.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23- He's probably already here. - No, he isn't, of course he isn't!
0:39:23 > 0:39:26- Possibly on this ship. - Well, go on, scan it then.
0:39:26 > 0:39:27Go on, why don't you?
0:39:27 > 0:39:30- River...- Two hearts, stupid clothes, you can't miss him.
0:39:30 > 0:39:35- River!- Go on, scan the whole parsec! He's not here.
0:39:35 > 0:39:38God knows where he is right now, but I promise you, he's doing
0:39:38 > 0:39:41whatever the hell he wants and not giving a damn about me!
0:39:41 > 0:39:43And I'm just fine with that.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45- River...- When you love the Doctor,
0:39:45 > 0:39:47it's like loving the stars themselves.
0:39:47 > 0:39:50You don't expect a sunset to admire you back.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53And if I happen to find myself in danger, let me tell you,
0:39:53 > 0:39:57the Doctor is not stupid enough, or sentimental enough,
0:39:57 > 0:40:00and he is certainly not in love enough
0:40:00 > 0:40:03to find himself standing in it with me!
0:40:15 > 0:40:16Hello, sweetie.
0:40:22 > 0:40:27- You are so doing those roots. - What, the roots of the sunset?
0:40:27 > 0:40:31- Don't you dare!- I'll have to check with the stars themselves.
0:40:31 > 0:40:34Shut up! I was just keeping them talking till it kicks off.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37- What is this conversation? Explain. - You keep out of this.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39- We need to get to work. - OK, what have you got?
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Four exits, two concealed, one in the ceiling.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43- There's also one in the floor. - No, I don't like it.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45- Too close to the engine ducts? - A bit too tight.
0:40:45 > 0:40:46I hope you're not being personal.
0:40:46 > 0:40:48Excuse me, what are you talking about?
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Hush, Mummy and Daddy are busy.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52- BELL RINGS - There we are.
0:40:52 > 0:40:55- Two o'clock, here we go. - Cease this conversation.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57Darling, in the event of a sudden meteor strike on the lower
0:40:57 > 0:41:00starboard decks, where would you say is the safest place to stand?
0:41:00 > 0:41:02- Meteor strikes?- Exactly here, I should think.
0:41:02 > 0:41:05- D'you know what that isn't? A coincidence.- Your escape plan.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08- It's cheaper than a taxi. - What meteor strike?
0:41:08 > 0:41:11- TANNOY:- 'Alert. Meteor storm imminent.'
0:41:11 > 0:41:14- That meteor strike. - How could you know?
0:41:14 > 0:41:17I'm an archaeologist from the future.
0:41:17 > 0:41:18I dug you up.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24See you in 400 years.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29SCREAMING
0:41:32 > 0:41:35I had this book. History's Finest Exploding Restaurants.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37The best food for free. Skip the coffee.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40- What do you think, by the way? - Of what?- My new body.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42I'll let you know. I've only seen the face.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45How have you got a new one, by the way? Aren't there rules?
0:41:45 > 0:41:47- A thing happened. - I bet it probably did.
0:41:49 > 0:41:54'Starboard decks compromised. Please abandon ship.'
0:41:54 > 0:41:55The diamond?
0:41:55 > 0:41:59- Good, aren't I?- I'm not sure good's the word.- Better not be.
0:42:00 > 0:42:04- We need to get this ship stabilised. Where's the bridge?- This way.
0:42:04 > 0:42:05'Please abandon ship.'
0:42:08 > 0:42:10'Please abandon ship.'
0:42:10 > 0:42:12- We also need to stop that. - Toss for it.
0:42:12 > 0:42:16- I'll take the robot, you drive.- OK.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19- Oh, don't stop for strangers. - Look who's talking.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27- What's the point? It's over. - I will take your head.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30What for? We're on a crashing spaceship and I don't even know
0:42:30 > 0:42:34if I can save it. You just shot your own king in your own face.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37- You'd get beheaded if you had one. - I will take yours.
0:42:37 > 0:42:39King Hydroflax will live again.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48Do you know what you need?
0:42:48 > 0:42:51Do you know what any decent headless king needs? Money.
0:42:51 > 0:42:55This connects every bank to every other bank in this galaxy.
0:42:55 > 0:42:59Right here in my hand. All the money you can eat.
0:42:59 > 0:43:00Demonstrate.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03With pleasure.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12Welcome to all the best firewalls in the galaxy.
0:43:12 > 0:43:14Nothing is protected like money.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Every stock market within a light year is arguing in your head.
0:43:17 > 0:43:19I do not understand.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22Ha-ha! That's the way it is for most people.
0:43:22 > 0:43:24Do not understand. Do not understand.
0:43:26 > 0:43:29- He had a bad day on the market. - Do not understand.
0:43:29 > 0:43:31Do not understand.
0:43:31 > 0:43:36Sorry, I appreciate that wasn't very funny, but I couldn't help saying it.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39Do not understand. Do not under...
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- TANNOY:- 'Surface impact in two minutes.'
0:43:43 > 0:43:45Where's everyone else?
0:43:45 > 0:43:48- They ran for it. So should we.- We need to get the nav com back online.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51- And re-route the thrusters. - I'm trying.
0:43:52 > 0:43:57- So, King Hydroflax?- Oh, how many times? I married the diamond.
0:43:57 > 0:44:02- So you say.- Elizabeth I.- Ramone. - Marilyn Monroe.- Stephen Fry.
0:44:02 > 0:44:04- Cleopatra!- Same thing.
0:44:07 > 0:44:09Hang on a minute.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11- I recognise that planet. - Well, that's nice!
0:44:11 > 0:44:14Maybe they'll name the crater after us(!)
0:44:16 > 0:44:17That's Darillium!
0:44:20 > 0:44:22Always good to know where we're going.
0:44:22 > 0:44:24- Could you concentrate on your work, please?- You know...
0:44:24 > 0:44:25the Singing Towers.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28Yes, I'll be sure to give them a wave as we zoom past.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30You always say you're going to take me there for dinner
0:44:30 > 0:44:32and then you always cancel at the last minute.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35- I'd quite like to cancel this time too, if at all possible.- Argh!
0:44:36 > 0:44:38THEY GROAN
0:44:38 > 0:44:40SONIC SCREWDRIVER WHIRS
0:44:40 > 0:44:42What are you doing? That's the internal teleport.
0:44:42 > 0:44:43Yes. HE COUGHS
0:44:43 > 0:44:47- I can use the power cell to push the thrusters.- Really? How?
0:44:47 > 0:44:49Hold this, quickly.
0:44:50 > 0:44:52Well, I don't see what good this will do.
0:44:52 > 0:44:53Sorry, River.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58- Crashing spaceships, that's my job.- You...
0:45:01 > 0:45:02No, you don't!
0:45:05 > 0:45:06VWORP!
0:45:06 > 0:45:09More power! You can do it, you can do it.
0:45:09 > 0:45:10VWORP!
0:45:10 > 0:45:14No, River, no, no, no, no!
0:45:19 > 0:45:22- Get back in the TARDIS! This is my job!- This is MY job!
0:45:22 > 0:45:24- I've been doing it longer. - I do it better.
0:45:24 > 0:45:27River, not one person on this ship, not one living thing,
0:45:27 > 0:45:29- is worth you.- Or you.
0:45:30 > 0:45:34- COMPUTER:- 'Surface impact in ten, nine, eight...'
0:45:34 > 0:45:36- Teensy bit close.- Yeah, sort of.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38- Darling, shall we pop back indoors? - Yeah, good idea.
0:45:38 > 0:45:41'..four, three, two, one.'
0:45:42 > 0:45:43THEY GASP
0:46:07 > 0:46:08Indestructible as ever.
0:46:16 > 0:46:18Married the diamond(!)
0:46:44 > 0:46:45BEEPING
0:46:47 > 0:46:48CLANK!
0:46:48 > 0:46:49METALLIC THRUMMING
0:46:49 > 0:46:50CLANK!
0:46:50 > 0:46:51THRUMMING STOPS
0:47:08 > 0:47:09Hello? Sir...
0:47:12 > 0:47:16- ..the ship, it came down, did you see it?- Yes, I did.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18I've been searching for survivors.
0:47:18 > 0:47:20I doubt if you'd find any. And I don't think any of them
0:47:20 > 0:47:23would be worth it, if that's a comfort.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25Brave of you to try, though. Well done.
0:47:26 > 0:47:27Thank you, sir.
0:47:31 > 0:47:34Those are the Singing Towers, aren't they?
0:47:34 > 0:47:36Yes, sir, but it's just the wind.
0:47:36 > 0:47:38The Singing Towers of Darillium.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42- Here we are at last.- Sir?
0:47:44 > 0:47:45You know what?
0:47:45 > 0:47:48They should build a restaurant right here, with a view of those towers.
0:47:48 > 0:47:51You could make a lot of money that way. You should do that.
0:47:51 > 0:47:52HE CHUCKLES
0:47:52 > 0:47:55You'd need a lot of money to begin with, sir.
0:47:55 > 0:47:56The Halassi Androvar...
0:47:56 > 0:48:00I think you'll find that the reward is pretty substantial.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11- Why would you give me this, sir? - (Restaurant!)
0:48:18 > 0:48:19CLANK!
0:48:19 > 0:48:21VWORP! VWORP!
0:48:30 > 0:48:33Excuse me, um, I'd like a table on the balcony
0:48:33 > 0:48:35- with a view of the towers. - I'm sorry, sir,
0:48:35 > 0:48:39the first available slot I have is Christmas Day in four years' time.
0:48:39 > 0:48:40Not a problem.
0:48:42 > 0:48:44COMPUTER BEEPS
0:48:48 > 0:48:49CUTLERY CLINKS
0:48:52 > 0:48:57- Professor Song! The Doctor is waiting for you on the balcony.- Oh.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01- Excellent.- This way, ma'am.
0:49:02 > 0:49:06- Do we have a good table? - The finest in all the galaxy, ma'am.
0:49:07 > 0:49:08Ah.
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Er, one moment.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17WHIRRING
0:49:19 > 0:49:23- Ramone?- Professor Song. The Doctor will be with you in a moment.
0:49:23 > 0:49:27- What are you doing here?- They pulled us from the wreckage, ma'am.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30Fixed us up. I've been working here ever since.
0:49:31 > 0:49:33Don't worry.
0:49:33 > 0:49:36The nasty part's all gone - got deleted in the merger.
0:49:36 > 0:49:39- What about Nardole? - Oh, merry Christmas, ma'am.
0:49:39 > 0:49:41Yeah, good to see you again.
0:49:41 > 0:49:45- Merry Christmas, Nardole! - Sorry I'm off duty.
0:49:45 > 0:49:46I'm just having some me time.
0:49:46 > 0:49:51- I imagine that must be quite a challenge.- Yes, ma'am.
0:49:51 > 0:49:52HE CHUCKLES
0:49:52 > 0:49:54So, Ramone...
0:49:56 > 0:49:58..you have a metal body now.
0:49:58 > 0:49:59Down, girl!
0:50:02 > 0:50:06- Now, that, my dear, IS a suit. - Happy Christmas.
0:50:07 > 0:50:08Really?
0:50:09 > 0:50:12I don't think you've ever given me a present before.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18SHE GASPS
0:50:18 > 0:50:20It's a sonic screwdriver! How lovely!
0:50:20 > 0:50:22When I saw the sonic trowel,
0:50:22 > 0:50:24I thought it was just embarrassing, but, look.
0:50:24 > 0:50:25SCREWDRIVER WHIRS
0:50:27 > 0:50:28Oh, thank you.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34You look, er, amazing.
0:50:34 > 0:50:38Doctor, you have no idea whether I look amazing or not.
0:50:38 > 0:50:41- Well, you've moved your hair about, haven't you?- Well done.
0:50:41 > 0:50:44- It's very sweet of you to try. - So what do you think?
0:50:46 > 0:50:47HAUNTING MUSIC PLAYS
0:50:48 > 0:50:50The Singing Towers.
0:50:50 > 0:50:52GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS
0:51:06 > 0:51:07The music.
0:51:18 > 0:51:19Listen to it.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25Are you crying?
0:51:26 > 0:51:27No.
0:51:27 > 0:51:28Just the wind.
0:51:30 > 0:51:31Nothing's ever just the wind.
0:51:32 > 0:51:33No?
0:51:35 > 0:51:37It blows through the cave system
0:51:37 > 0:51:40and harmonises with the crystal layer.
0:51:41 > 0:51:42Why are you sad?
0:51:44 > 0:51:45Why are YOU sad?
0:51:47 > 0:51:49I told you, my diary's nearly full.
0:51:49 > 0:51:50I worry.
0:51:52 > 0:51:53Please don't.
0:51:58 > 0:52:02- There are stories about us, you know.- Oh, I dread to think.
0:52:02 > 0:52:05- I look them up sometimes. - You really shouldn't do that.
0:52:05 > 0:52:07Some of them suggest that...
0:52:09 > 0:52:11..the very last night we spend together
0:52:11 > 0:52:13is at the Singing Towers of Darillium.
0:52:16 > 0:52:18That wouldn't be true, would it?
0:52:21 > 0:52:22Spoilers.
0:52:24 > 0:52:25SHE GASPS
0:52:26 > 0:52:30Well, that would explain why you kept cancelling coming here.
0:52:30 > 0:52:33- Do you remember that time...- River, stop.- ..when there were two of you...
0:52:33 > 0:52:36- Don't.- ..because I want you to know that if this is the last night,
0:52:36 > 0:52:37I expect you to find a way round it.
0:52:37 > 0:52:39Not everything can be avoided.
0:52:41 > 0:52:42Not forever.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45But you're you.
0:52:47 > 0:52:49There's always a loophole, you wait until the last minute
0:52:49 > 0:52:52- and then you spring it on me. - Every night is the last night
0:52:52 > 0:52:55- for something, every Christmas is the last Christmas...- But you will.
0:52:55 > 0:52:57You'll wait until I've given up hope, all will be lost,
0:52:57 > 0:52:59and you'll do that smug little smile
0:52:59 > 0:53:02and then you'll save the day - you always do.
0:53:02 > 0:53:03No, I don't, not always.
0:53:06 > 0:53:08Times end, River, because they have to.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11Because there's no such thing as happy ever after.
0:53:11 > 0:53:14It's just a lie we tell ourselves because the truth is so hard.
0:53:15 > 0:53:16No, Doctor...
0:53:18 > 0:53:19..you're wrong.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23Happy ever after doesn't mean forever.
0:53:24 > 0:53:27It just means time...
0:53:28 > 0:53:30..a little time.
0:53:33 > 0:53:36But that's not the sort of thing you could ever understand, is it?
0:53:38 > 0:53:39Mmm.
0:53:41 > 0:53:45- What do you think of the towers? - I love them.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50- Then why are you ignoring them? - They're ignoring me.
0:53:51 > 0:53:55But then...you can't expect a monolith to love you back.
0:53:55 > 0:53:57No, you can't.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02They've been there for millions of years,
0:54:02 > 0:54:06through storms and floods and wars and...time.
0:54:06 > 0:54:09Nobody really understands where the music comes from.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12It's probably something to do with the precise positions,
0:54:12 > 0:54:14the distance between both towers.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16Even the locals aren't sure.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18All anyone will ever tell you is
0:54:18 > 0:54:21that when the wind stands fair and the night is perfect...
0:54:22 > 0:54:24..when you least expect it...
0:54:26 > 0:54:27..but always...
0:54:29 > 0:54:30..when you need it the most...
0:54:30 > 0:54:32HAUNTING MUSIC PLAYS
0:54:37 > 0:54:39..there is a song.
0:54:40 > 0:54:42MUSIC CONTINUES
0:54:47 > 0:54:48So...
0:54:50 > 0:54:53..assuming tonight is all we have left...
0:54:53 > 0:54:55- I didn't say that.- ..how long...
0:54:57 > 0:55:00..is a night on Darillium?
0:55:03 > 0:55:0424 years.
0:55:06 > 0:55:07SHE GASPS
0:55:12 > 0:55:14I hate you.
0:55:17 > 0:55:18No, you don't.