0:00:02 > 0:00:03- So...- So...- What do we do?
0:00:03 > 0:00:05Do I have to sit somewhere? Are there seat belts?
0:00:05 > 0:00:08Well, you've done this before. This isn't your first trip.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Yeah, but it's proper this time.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Oh, that's a mistake.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14What is?
0:00:14 > 0:00:16You can't reach the controls from the seats.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18What's the point in that?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Or do you have stretchy arms, like Mr Fantastic?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Oh, I stand, like this.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25You never thought of bringing the seats a bit closer?
0:00:25 > 0:00:27No, not so far, no.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Where's the steering wheel?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Well, you don't steer the TARDIS,
0:00:32 > 0:00:34you negotiate with it.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39The still point between where you want to go...
0:00:40 > 0:00:42..and where you need to be, that's where she takes you.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44How much did it cost?
0:00:44 > 0:00:45Ah.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48No idea.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Stole it.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- Seriously?- Yep.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Why?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Well, actually, because I felt like it.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- What if I steal it from you? - On you go, then.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02I don't know how it works.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Well, neither did I.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06BANGING ON DOOR
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Who's that?
0:01:08 > 0:01:09BANGING ON DOOR
0:01:11 > 0:01:13(Mum.)
0:01:13 > 0:01:14BANGING ON DOOR
0:01:16 > 0:01:20Excuse me, just what is the TARDIS doing down here?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I'm over 2,000 years old, I don't always want to take the stairs.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Your oath, sir. You're not supposed to go off-world
0:01:26 > 0:01:27unless it's an emergency.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- I'm not off-world. - Are you going off-world?
0:01:29 > 0:01:32I'm going back to my office.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Could you put the kettle on, please?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Hm.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Why's she here?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Because she isn't anywhere else.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Kettle.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48Well, I'm not making any for her - she can make her own.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50I'm not a slave for any human, I can assure you.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58So...
0:01:59 > 0:02:01..back up to your office for a cuppa, then?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Between here and my office, before the kettle boils,
0:02:06 > 0:02:08is everything that ever happened or ever will.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- Make your choice.- What choice?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Past or future.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Future.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- Why?- Why do you think? I want to see if it's happy.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32'Kezzia, where are you?'
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Hey, Goodthing. I'm coming back in.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38'Kezzia, don't come in just yet.'
0:02:38 > 0:02:41I've been out since second sunrise. I'm hungry.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Round them up, big fella.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50MECHANICAL BUZZING
0:02:50 > 0:02:54'Kezzia, please don't come in. We're having a little tiny Vardy problem.'
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Me and my Vardies have just pollinated three miles of wheat.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- 'You've got to keep smiling.' - Got to what?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- It's the Vardies. - God, what's wrong with you?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Is that smile supposed to look real?
0:03:06 > 0:03:08It's like you're standing in a wind tunnel.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12OK. Big smiles now, brace yourself!
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Mum is dead.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- Sorry?- Smile, smile, smile!
0:03:17 > 0:03:19That's not even funny.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21No, it's not a joke. Mum is dead.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Mum is dead.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28And Hopeful, she's dead too. And her friend Sunshine, she's dead.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32And Eliza. And quite a few other people are dead.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Why are you saying this?
0:03:34 > 0:03:38You can't say things like that, grinning like an idiot.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Smile, really. Try. If you don't...
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I shouldn't have told you. Please smile.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Oh... You're on two tears now.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Is it hugging me?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52MECHANICAL BUZZING
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Who programmed that?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Please, give her a moment!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58She'll be happy in a moment!
0:03:58 > 0:03:59Kezzia!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09No. Look, I'm smiling.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Smiling...
0:04:11 > 0:04:13SHE SCREAMS
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Which way is Earth?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Ah, space is bent.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Earth is any way you choose to look.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Why? You thinking about leaving?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Thinking? I'm not thinking. My brain's overloading.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- Why a phone box?- I told you.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Yeah, I get that it's a cloaking device.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13But why keep it that shape? Why do you like it?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Who said I like it?
0:05:15 > 0:05:16You kept it.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Come along.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21This is one of the Earth's first colonies.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25They say the settlers have cracked the secret of human happiness.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30One question,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32little fella said you made an oath.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33You're not supposed to leave the planet.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38OK, I suppose I owe you an explanation.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44A long time ago, a thing happened. As a result of the thing,
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I made a promise. As a result of the promise,
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I have to stay on Earth.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Guarding a vault?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Guarding a vault.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54Well, you're not guarding the vault right now.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Yes, I am. I have a time machine, I can be back before we left.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00But what if you get lost, or stuck, or something?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03- I've thought about that.- And?
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Well, it would be a worry, so best not to dwell on it.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Look at this building. Look at it.
0:06:07 > 0:06:12You know what I like about humanity? Its optimism.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Do you know what this building is made of? Pure...
0:06:14 > 0:06:15soaring...
0:06:15 > 0:06:17optimism.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19MECHANICAL BUZZING
0:06:22 > 0:06:24What are they? Alien birds?
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Vardies.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Tiny robots.
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Work in flocks.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35They're versatile, hard-working.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Good at learning skills.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42The worker bees of the Third Industrial Revolution,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44probably just checking us out for security.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47These are robots? These are disappointing robots.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51That's a very offensive remark.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Don't make personal remarks like that.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55You can't offend a machine.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Typical wet brain chauvinism.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58HIGH PITCHED WHINE
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Oh, what just happened?
0:07:00 > 0:07:01LOUD: Your ear's on fire.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Your voice just came out in my ear.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07I mean, I know voices go into ears but this was like...
0:07:07 > 0:07:09We've been fitted with some kind of communication device that is
0:07:09 > 0:07:12using our own nervous system as hardware.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14We just downloaded an upgrade for our ears.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18I'll never lose my phone again. I'll never run out of battery again!
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Welcome to paradise.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Hang on, is there a mute button? What if you're in the loo?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Who needs loos? There's probably an app for that.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28So, where is everyone?
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Don't tell me we've come halfway across the universe and
0:07:31 > 0:07:32they've all gone out.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35We should've texted first or something.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41What's that?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45That is a robot.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47That is not a disappointing robot.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Technically, this isn't a robot at all.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53The tiny little things, those are the robots,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55this is the interface with them.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Does it speak? Will we understand it?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Well, depends upon what aspect of your language have survived over
0:08:01 > 0:08:04so many thousands of years.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Emoji. It speaks emoji!
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Of course it does!
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Aw. It's cute.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- What's that?- Blank badges.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23Yours isn't blank. It's got a face on the back.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Yours too.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Interesting.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31It's never on the side that you're looking at.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35What's it doing now? What, what face is it making?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Sort of...puzzled. Me?
0:08:38 > 0:08:39The same.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Do you know what I think?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44I think that this is some kind of mood indicator.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48- But you're never allowed to see your own mood.- Makes sense.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52- Does it?- Well, seeing your own mood might affect your own mood.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54It's like a feedback loop,
0:08:54 > 0:08:56interfering with the information being collected.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Like a scale weighing itself.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Who's collecting the data?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- Is the big question. - So what do we do, then?
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Well, if they're badges then...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- What? Where's...? Where's it gone? - Oh, it's on your back.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Yours too.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20So, everyone you walk past can see what you're thinking.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21What if you really fancy someone?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Well, I suppose it means that you have to maintain
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- eye contact with them. - Oh, that's brilliant.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Welcome to the future.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Emojis, wearable communications,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39we're in the utopia of vacuous teens.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50Look at this - it knew I was starving!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Food from another planet.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54You've got to, haven't you?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Smells like fish.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59I'm not that fond of fish,
0:09:59 > 0:10:01except socially, which can complicate a meal like this.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Should we eat it, though?
0:10:05 > 0:10:06I mean, what if they're not like us?
0:10:06 > 0:10:08The cutlery is human cutlery.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10No other species in the universe uses emojis.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Everything here is human except...
0:10:14 > 0:10:15No humans.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17This is a perfect colony for humans,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19so where are all the colonists?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23That's some sort of flavoured algae.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26I haven't seen any livestock yet.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28That's good, isn't it?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32In the future we don't eat living things, we eat algae.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I met an emperor made of algae once.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38He fancied me.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Why aren't you loving this?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Everything is here, everything is ready,
0:10:47 > 0:10:48but there's no-one here.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50It's like the Student Union first thing,
0:10:50 > 0:10:51before the actual students arrive.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Two portions, though.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Well, that's because that one is mine.
0:10:58 > 0:11:03That's it! That's it! Of course!
0:11:03 > 0:11:05The whole place is waiting.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07We're just too early.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11So, they're all still in bed? Two portions. One portion.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Is there going to be food sexism even in the future?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Is this bloke utopia?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18It's probably reading me as two people. The heartbeats.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21If you're going to travel 20 light years, you're going to want
0:11:21 > 0:11:24to make sure you've got somewhere to sleep at the end of it, aren't you?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- So, what do you do? - Sorry? Two hearts?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30You send a rocketload of intelligent robots up ahead of you.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32They build you a place to live,
0:11:32 > 0:11:36so that, when you arrive, it's all waiting. This is brilliant!
0:11:36 > 0:11:38You've got two hearts?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Robots, they don't breathe.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42They can fix the atmosphere for you,
0:11:42 > 0:11:46send data back, so you know whether to bring your waterproofs or not.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Work in huge robot flocks.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53You just send them up ahead and you leave them to it.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Hearts, though, why two?
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Well, why one?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Does that mean you've got really high blood pressure?
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Really high.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12So, if the people aren't here yet, what do we do?
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Put the kettle on?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Or are we going to leave before they arrive?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Is that what you're worried about?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I can see you're worried.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Well, you never know what's round the next corner.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Ah, of course, wheat fields outside.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Now something else to eat when they get here.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43This is their crops.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Look, they're going to have orchards, olive groves.
0:12:48 > 0:12:52This is their nursery. The little robots are doing pollination work.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Oh, this plant! There's one of these growing
0:12:54 > 0:12:57outside the student union. It smells amazing.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Rosemary.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I'm smelling home 20 light years from home.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Thanks for bringing me.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11This is a great day out.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15I mean, come on, admit it.
0:13:15 > 0:13:16You love it.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Did I say I didn't love it? Yes, I do.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20It's very...lovable.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24You asked me where all the people were and I theorised that
0:13:24 > 0:13:25they hadn't got here yet.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Did I sound convincing?
0:13:28 > 0:13:31- Yeah.- And did I convince myself?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- No.- No, no. And I'll tell you why -
0:13:35 > 0:13:37because there should be somebody here.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42There should be some kind of set-up team, a skeleton crew.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45You're thinking.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Tell me what you're thinking about.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49A magic haddock.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Obviously!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57What is this stuff? Is it snow?
0:13:59 > 0:14:05This is fertiliser, mineral fertiliser, calcium-based.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Now, we don't have answers, so let's put together two questions.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11What is the source of this mineral fertiliser?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16And where are all the people?
0:14:21 > 0:14:22Ugh!
0:14:22 > 0:14:24SHE GASPS
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Here, right here, in this garden.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29Oh, my God.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Despite appearances, they haven't been dead very long.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Those are the colonists?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53The colonists aren't here yet.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54This is the set-up team,
0:14:54 > 0:14:58- the skeleton crew.- Why did the robots feed them to the garden?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00I don't know, maybe they ran out of fertiliser.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Let's not ask them.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- Oh, hello! We were just admiring your garden.- Yes!
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Moving on now because there's nothing of particular interest here.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Cheerio.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20If he's chasing us, he's moving very slowly.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Do you know what it means when something chases you very slowly?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- What?- It means there's a reason that they don't have to run.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37OK. They're slow, but the city is full of them,
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- so they catch you in the end. - What do we do?
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Question - we've been here for ages, why are they attacking us now?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45- Does it matter? - Only if we want to live.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Smile for me!
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Smile?
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Use your whole face, right now, do it.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55What good's smiling?
0:15:55 > 0:15:56Smiles aren't just smiles.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Psychologically, they have a measurable effect
0:15:59 > 0:16:00on your mood states.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Yes.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05These robots, they built this place.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06They grew those trees.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Something went wrong but they were designed to make you happy.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15"How would massacring hundreds of people make me happy" smiley face.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19- Smiley face.- The magic haddock.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22What magic haddock? What's that all about?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25The robots want you to be happy but they got the wrong end of the stick.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I think we should give them what they want.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Don't even try without smiling.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41What a lovely place you have here.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Thank you so much for your hospitality.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46We will come again.
0:16:47 > 0:16:51Doctor, I was thinking maybe next time we might go
0:16:51 > 0:16:55to Wiltshire, perhaps, or Aberdeen.
0:16:55 > 0:17:01Ah, yes. Two thumbs up for Wiltshire/Aberdeen.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Doctor!- Smile! Smile!
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Where did they come from?- Once we're out of the city, we should be safe.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Are they coming after us?
0:17:40 > 0:17:44I'm guessing that, once we're out, we're not their problem.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49Right. You'll be perfectly safe in the TARDIS. She'll look after you
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- until I get back. - Where are you going?
0:17:55 > 0:17:58There's a giant smiley abattoir over there
0:17:58 > 0:18:00and I'm having this really childish impulse to blow it up.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- Be right back.- What, you're going back in?! We've only just escaped!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05I thought we were going home?!
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Home?!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Why would we be going home?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13That place is a living deathtrap,
0:18:13 > 0:18:15we can't just leave it with its mouth wide open.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17But they're all dead. We saw them. It's too late.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21We have to assume that there's a colony ship on the way.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23What do you think's going to happen when all those people arrive?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25They're expecting the new garden of Eden,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28what they are not expecting is to be the fertiliser.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29There's broadband in there. Go!
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Go and watch some movies or something!
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I get that someone has to do something but why's it you?
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Can't you phone the police?
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Isn't there a helpline or something?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42And stay away from my browser history!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Penguin with its arse on fire.
0:19:17 > 0:19:18Huh!
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Ah!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Good morning! I'm happy!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Good morning. Look at me, I'm happy, happy, happy, happy!
0:19:38 > 0:19:43What a lovely, beautiful morning, it makes me so happy. I'm happy.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45I hope that you're happy, too.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50See? Happy?
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Hello? Is someone there? I can hear you breathing.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Why are you Scottish?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- I'm not Scottish, I'm just cross. - Is there Scotland in space?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25They're all over the place, demanding independence from
0:20:25 > 0:20:27every planet they land on. Why are you here?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Because I figured out why you keep your box as a phone box.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31I told you, it's stuck.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34"Advice and Assistance Obtainable Immediately." You like that.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35No, I don't.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37See, this is the point.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41You don't call the helpline because you ARE the helpline.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Don't sentimentalise me. I don't just fly around helping people out.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47What are you doing right now?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49I happened to be passing by, so I'm mucking in.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51You've never passed by in your life.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53You couldn't even leave me serving chips,
0:20:53 > 0:20:55so I'm not going to leave you.
0:20:57 > 0:20:58Look at the wall.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00- The wall?- Closely.
0:21:04 > 0:21:08Before, when the Vardy - the little microbots - were going to
0:21:08 > 0:21:10attack you, you asked me where they came from.
0:21:12 > 0:21:17They didn't come from anywhere, they were here all the time.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20What? In the wall?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22No, not in the wall.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31They're not in the wall, they are the wall - they're all the walls.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35These little robots, they didn't build this place, they became it.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38They can be a part of a wall one minute, flying around the next.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42This whole structure is built from interlocking microbots.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Smile!
0:21:48 > 0:21:49You're in the belly of the beast.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52So what do we do?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Well, the obvious -
0:21:54 > 0:21:55we find a real wall.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57You really are smiling, aren't you?
0:21:57 > 0:22:02Do you know why? You're an awesome tutor.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08When the Vikings invaded, they used to pull their longboats out
0:22:08 > 0:22:11of the water, turn them upside down and live in them as houses
0:22:11 > 0:22:14until they'd pillaged and looted enough to build new ones.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16So?
0:22:16 > 0:22:18You didn't see a space ship outside, did you?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20When the settlers first landed,
0:22:20 > 0:22:23they must have lived in it and built out from it,
0:22:23 > 0:22:28so it's still here, somewhere inside this building.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Bits of meteor damage. Flecks of rust.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Rivets... Oh, I love rivets.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40A wall, a real, honest wall,
0:22:40 > 0:22:42not made of tiny robots but made of any old iron.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Every spacecraft needs...a door.
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Not even locked.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04They were expecting to live in peace.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Wicked.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13We'll lock it after us, shall we?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Its life support systems are starting up. It knows we're here.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Whoever did the interior decoration in here needs to take lessons
0:23:35 > 0:23:37from whoever did it out there.
0:23:37 > 0:23:40This was built by humans, that was built by the Vardy.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Wet brains, dry brains.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Ah!
0:24:00 > 0:24:06Good, old, universally compatible, incorruptible maps.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10You are here.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14This is the engine room.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16That's the target. That's where I'm going.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- Where am I going? - You're staying here
0:24:19 > 0:24:23and you will be guiding me to here, using this map.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27I'll hear you through the thingamabob.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29I'm on a space ship...
0:24:30 > 0:24:33..like, for real. A proper one.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- 'Left or right?'- Er...
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Right.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Well, they were certainly planning to make themselves at home here.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48They brought all their favourite knick-knacks.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51'There should be a door'
0:24:51 > 0:24:52that leads onto a corridor.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- I really am on a space ship. - 'Yes...'
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Which we're about to blow up.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02How are you allowed to do that?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Like, how are you allowed to blow something up
0:25:04 > 0:25:07and not get into trouble? I mean, blow something up, get into trouble,
0:25:07 > 0:25:10that is a standard sequence.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11'What do you mean, "allowed"?'
0:25:11 > 0:25:13It's a moral imperative.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15This is a murder machine.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18Beautiful, though, I mean, the whole place.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22You should be able to see a staircase...
0:25:22 > 0:25:25All traps are beautiful, that's how they work.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27- Up or down?- Down.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32What? What's this big bit in the middle?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34There's a big empty space in the middle.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38The engine is right in the middle of a big empty space.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40- What's that for?- 'Attention.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44'Attention. Erehwon system's initiated.'
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Ship's systems are set to respond to human presence. It WAS sleeping.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50We walked in, now it's waking up.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54- Er, there should be a ladder. - Got it.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08ALARM BLARES
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Beautiful.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Fleishman Cold Fusion Engine.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24All I've got to do is back the flow into the calorimeter and run.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26It's like it wants to get blown up.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31'Hang on, I'm being thick.'
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I can come with you.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36'Took that long to think of photographing it?'
0:26:37 > 0:26:40- You'd already memorised it, hadn't you?- 'Yep.'
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Stop trying to keep me out of trouble.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45There's no trouble.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49This is going to be a stroll in the park.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Doctor, why did people come here?
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Did something terrible happen?
0:28:28 > 0:28:30I can't hear you!
0:28:35 > 0:28:37This isn't as easy as it looks.
0:28:37 > 0:28:38I've got to know.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41The people who came here...
0:28:41 > 0:28:43were they the last people?
0:28:43 > 0:28:46Were they our last hope?
0:28:46 > 0:28:47'Earth was evacuated.'
0:28:52 > 0:28:55But there were a number of ships.
0:28:56 > 0:28:58I've bumped into a few of them over the years.
0:28:58 > 0:29:03Right, I've re-routed the flow.
0:29:05 > 0:29:06No, no, no, no. That's not right.
0:29:06 > 0:29:09Bad noise. That's not right, no, no!
0:29:17 > 0:29:20No. When the calorimeter reaches its peak...
0:29:20 > 0:29:21I could do with a hand here!
0:29:21 > 0:29:23'OK, on my way.'
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Oh!
0:29:33 > 0:29:34Are we there yet?
0:29:36 > 0:29:39'Doctor, there's something you need to know.'
0:29:39 > 0:29:40I'm too busy!
0:30:00 > 0:30:02'Almost with you, Doctor.'
0:30:02 > 0:30:04You took your time.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07When I let this go, it's going to spin back.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13I want you to hold it tight while I jam it shut.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Doctor? Doctor, can you hear me?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Ah! Don't worry about me.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31I'm having the time of my life!
0:30:31 > 0:30:33Making new friends!
0:30:47 > 0:30:48ALARM BLARES
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Get ready to run! Run really fast!
0:30:53 > 0:30:56What? Where did you come from?
0:30:56 > 0:31:00- Where is everybody? - When you say "everybody"...?
0:31:02 > 0:31:04- WOMAN'S VOICE OVER PA:- 'My very good people, we will soon be beginning
0:31:04 > 0:31:07'an emergency disembarkation.
0:31:07 > 0:31:11'Good people, please prepare for disembarkation.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14'We wish you a happy new world.'
0:31:14 > 0:31:16Doctor?
0:31:16 > 0:31:19Pods! Pods!
0:31:19 > 0:31:22What is it? What's happening?
0:31:22 > 0:31:24We can't blow up the city!
0:31:27 > 0:31:32- Why? Those pods, what's in them? - I got it wrong.
0:31:33 > 0:31:36I got it very, very wrong.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42The colony ship isn't on the way, it's right here.
0:31:44 > 0:31:47The colonists are all around us, cryogenically frozen.
0:31:47 > 0:31:49What's in those pods, Bill...
0:31:50 > 0:31:53..is the surviving population of Earth.
0:31:55 > 0:31:57And I nearly killed all of them.
0:31:57 > 0:32:01'Welcome to your new world. Be happy.'
0:32:02 > 0:32:04They're waking up, aren't they?
0:32:04 > 0:32:06We must have triggered the process when we came in.
0:32:08 > 0:32:11So, what happens now?
0:32:11 > 0:32:13Now?
0:32:14 > 0:32:16Now they're all going to leave this ship,
0:32:16 > 0:32:19and find their friends and family mulched in the garden.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23And if they don't smile about that...
0:32:25 > 0:32:27..it's going to be the end of the human race.
0:32:39 > 0:32:43Oh! Oh, those pods, eh? Not much headroom.
0:32:43 > 0:32:48Oh, I thought I'd be first up. Steadfast, MedTech One.
0:32:48 > 0:32:49What day is this?
0:32:49 > 0:32:50The end of the world.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52Again? We've only just got here.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55Bill, with me.
0:32:55 > 0:32:56What's happening?
0:32:57 > 0:32:59What's happening is nobody leaves this ship
0:32:59 > 0:33:01until I tell you otherwise.
0:33:01 > 0:33:03Clear? Nobody leaves.
0:33:05 > 0:33:06- Where are we going?- No idea.
0:33:06 > 0:33:09But if I look purposeful, they'll think I've got a plan.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12If they think I've got a plan, at least they won't
0:33:12 > 0:33:14- try to think of one themselves. - But you don't have a plan.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16I don't know how to stop it happening again
0:33:16 > 0:33:19because I can't figure out why it happened last time.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21What made them do this?
0:33:21 > 0:33:23I think I need to show you something.
0:33:24 > 0:33:28'Section A34, reanimation sequence commencing.'
0:33:32 > 0:33:34The spacecraft landed.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37Most of the colonists were kept in cryogenic suspension.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39A few, the ones with skills...
0:33:39 > 0:33:41The best ones. The brave ones.
0:33:41 > 0:33:46They were woke to shepherd the little flocks of Vardy robots.
0:33:46 > 0:33:50She came here. She was happy.
0:33:51 > 0:33:53It was all going well...
0:33:55 > 0:33:57Those are the shepherds, aren't they?
0:33:57 > 0:33:59And they're all dead.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05If we rearrange this data to reflect the time of death,
0:34:05 > 0:34:06what do we get?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13That's her.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20This woman died. There's no sign of violence.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22So, you know, she just died the way that humans do.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28Then a few more people died all at the same time, and then
0:34:28 > 0:34:31a lot more died just after, and then...
0:34:32 > 0:34:34..the rest. Dozens.
0:34:36 > 0:34:38A virus? A virus that went...
0:34:38 > 0:34:39well, viral?
0:34:39 > 0:34:44Grief! Grief! Grief as plague.
0:34:44 > 0:34:45But how?
0:34:45 > 0:34:50The Vardies, well, their job was to maintain happiness.
0:34:50 > 0:34:53At first, that meant making sure there was enough oxygen and water.
0:34:53 > 0:34:56That's what the badges are meant to communicate -
0:34:56 > 0:35:02satisfaction, a positive mental state. But the Vardy are smart,
0:35:02 > 0:35:03they learn,
0:35:03 > 0:35:05they try to be good servants,
0:35:05 > 0:35:11so they expand the definition of happiness until...
0:35:11 > 0:35:13She dies.
0:35:14 > 0:35:17No-one had ever died here before this lady.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20The Vardies, they've never heard of grief before.
0:35:20 > 0:35:25This place is all about hope and the future, and happiness.
0:35:25 > 0:35:27No-one ever thought about the opposite.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29The Vardies didn't know what to do with it.
0:35:30 > 0:35:35They identified grief as the enemy of happiness
0:35:35 > 0:35:40and everyone who was experiencing grief as a problem,
0:35:40 > 0:35:42- as...- Compost.
0:35:42 > 0:35:43And all those dead people,
0:35:43 > 0:35:46well, you know, they had friends and family, too, so...
0:35:46 > 0:35:48- Even more compost. - And so on, and so on, and so on,
0:35:48 > 0:35:52and what you get is a whole grief tsunami.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55And all of this took how long? One morning?
0:35:55 > 0:35:58All of these people were slaughtered in a day?
0:35:58 > 0:36:00Slaughtered for their own good
0:36:00 > 0:36:02because the Vardy think different.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06Like the magic haddock. Not bad, not good, just different.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09So, what will happen when the new people meet the robots?
0:36:20 > 0:36:22That's the boy.
0:36:22 > 0:36:24The first to wake up. Where did you get this?
0:36:24 > 0:36:26I'd think it's his mother's, don't you?
0:36:26 > 0:36:30Or his nan's. Well, he'll find her,
0:36:30 > 0:36:31when she wakes up in her pod.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34I found that in the fruit garden, when we first arrived.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38Oh.
0:36:38 > 0:36:42I would say that a lot of the colonists had friends or family
0:36:42 > 0:36:44who were working here as shepherds.
0:36:44 > 0:36:47- When they find out what happened... - They'll be grief-stricken.
0:36:48 > 0:36:51- And after that...- A massacre.
0:36:55 > 0:36:59- OK, where are we going? - What's the opposite of a massacre?
0:37:00 > 0:37:02- OK, what? - In my experience, a lecture.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15You brought the Vardy here,
0:37:15 > 0:37:19microbots to make your life so easy.
0:37:19 > 0:37:21But like every slave class in history,
0:37:21 > 0:37:25the Vardy are beginning to have ideas of their own.
0:37:26 > 0:37:28They wanted to eliminate unhappiness,
0:37:28 > 0:37:32but to a robot that meant eliminating unhappy people.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34They gave you monitors, badges,
0:37:34 > 0:37:37so they'd know when you were too unhappy to live.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52- You need to listen. - I did listen. What did I miss?
0:37:52 > 0:37:54The Vardy have killed our families.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56- But you need to understand why that happened.- I don't care why.
0:37:56 > 0:37:59Then you will die, too, and so will everyone on your ship.
0:37:59 > 0:38:01- The Vardy are not your enemy. - They want to kill us.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04No. They want to help you. Killing you is just a side-effect.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06- Get out of my way.- You've got guns.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09You think that will help against a whole living city?
0:38:09 > 0:38:12That little boy, where did he go?
0:38:12 > 0:38:13My mum was a gardener.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16Have you seen her?
0:38:19 > 0:38:21She's supposed to be here.
0:38:31 > 0:38:32There he is!
0:38:32 > 0:38:34Step away from the kid.
0:38:34 > 0:38:37They're not armed. You don't need to do this.
0:38:37 > 0:38:41- You just need to... - What's wrong? What's going on?
0:38:41 > 0:38:43Where's my mum? Where's everyone?
0:38:46 > 0:38:48Where's everyone?
0:38:48 > 0:38:50Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Don't cry, don't cry!
0:38:50 > 0:38:53Hey, hey. Look, everything's going to be OK.
0:38:53 > 0:38:57Look, this is your new house. Isn't it lovely?
0:38:57 > 0:38:58I want Mummy.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03Everything's going to be fine if you just keep smiling...
0:39:03 > 0:39:04Get away from the kid!
0:39:12 > 0:39:14What's that?
0:39:14 > 0:39:17Rage? Revenge?
0:39:17 > 0:39:19- It's one robot. - It's not one robot.
0:39:21 > 0:39:23Doctor, what do we do?
0:39:24 > 0:39:26Doctor, what's happening?
0:39:26 > 0:39:28Cover fire, now!
0:39:31 > 0:39:33- Fascinating!- What's fascinating??
0:39:33 > 0:39:37The Vardy are identifying as under attack, which means they identify
0:39:37 > 0:39:41as a species. They are self-aware. They're... They're alive!
0:39:41 > 0:39:43They're going to kill us!
0:39:43 > 0:39:46SCREAMING
0:39:47 > 0:39:49- What are you doing? - I really hope this doesn't hurt.
0:39:49 > 0:39:53Do you know why I always win at chess?
0:39:53 > 0:39:55I have a secret move.
0:39:55 > 0:39:56I kick over the board.
0:39:56 > 0:39:58Here it comes!
0:40:05 > 0:40:10Once, long ago, a fisherman caught a magic haddock.
0:40:11 > 0:40:15The haddock offered the fisherman three wishes in return for its life.
0:40:15 > 0:40:19The fisherman said, "I'd like my son to come home from the war
0:40:19 > 0:40:21"and 100 pieces of gold."
0:40:22 > 0:40:28The problem is magic haddock, like robots, don't think like people.
0:40:28 > 0:40:32The fisherman's son came home from the war in a coffin
0:40:32 > 0:40:37and the King sent 100 gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40The fisherman had one wish left.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42What do you think he wished for?
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Some people say he should have wished for an infinite series
0:40:45 > 0:40:48of wishes, but if your city proves anything,
0:40:48 > 0:40:51it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea.
0:40:51 > 0:40:55It's OK. It's not going to hurt you.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57Actually, it doesn't even know who you are.
0:40:57 > 0:40:59What happened? What have you done?
0:40:59 > 0:41:03In fact, the fisherman wished that he hadn't made the first two wishes.
0:41:03 > 0:41:06In a way, he pressed the reset button.
0:41:06 > 0:41:07What the hell did you do?
0:41:09 > 0:41:10Aren't you listening?
0:41:10 > 0:41:12I pressed the reset button.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15Every computer has one and anyone can find it,
0:41:15 > 0:41:19especially if they happen to be a scary, handsome genius from space.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21I re-initialised the entire command structure,
0:41:21 > 0:41:25retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary
0:41:25 > 0:41:27preference architecture.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29He turned it off and on again.
0:41:29 > 0:41:30I turned it off and on again.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35Of course, I wiped their memories.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40They no longer have the faintest idea who you are
0:41:40 > 0:41:41and, in fact, they're wondering
0:41:41 > 0:41:43what you're doing in their very nice city.
0:41:44 > 0:41:46THEIR city?
0:41:46 > 0:41:50Yes. THEIR city. It's made of them.
0:41:50 > 0:41:53It's our city. They're our robots.
0:41:53 > 0:41:58- They were.- Welcome to your new world. Meet the Vardy.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01They are, as of now, the indigenous life form.
0:42:01 > 0:42:05You'd best make friends with them because there's loads of them,
0:42:05 > 0:42:08and they're the only ones who know how anything works.
0:42:09 > 0:42:10They killed our people.
0:42:12 > 0:42:16Well, look, they have forgotten about that.
0:42:17 > 0:42:19They've forgotten about you,
0:42:19 > 0:42:23they've forgotten that you even made them in the first place.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26Now, since they have absolute power over this city,
0:42:26 > 0:42:29and since I'm assuming you all don't want to sleep rough tonight,
0:42:29 > 0:42:31I have a suggestion for you...
0:42:33 > 0:42:35- BOTH:- Smile.
0:42:36 > 0:42:38You can't be serious.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41I am serious. In fact, I'm willing to be a negotiator.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43- Are you now?- Yes.
0:42:43 > 0:42:45Watch.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Hello, I'm the Doctor.
0:42:50 > 0:42:54A few hours ago, I made the mistake of not recognising your status
0:42:54 > 0:42:57as an emergent new life form.
0:42:57 > 0:43:01As recompense for my mistake, please allow me to act as your negotiator
0:43:01 > 0:43:05with a migratory conglomerate known as the human race.
0:43:05 > 0:43:06They're looking for a place to stay
0:43:06 > 0:43:08and they've got their eye on your city.
0:43:11 > 0:43:12Would you like me to discuss rent?
0:43:18 > 0:43:20So, is it going to work?
0:43:21 > 0:43:23That's up to them.
0:43:25 > 0:43:28Did you just...
0:43:28 > 0:43:30Well, did WE just...
0:43:31 > 0:43:33..jumpstart a new civilisation?
0:43:33 > 0:43:35It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it.
0:43:35 > 0:43:36Did you do this all the time?
0:43:36 > 0:43:39- Do what? - Fly around, sorting things out,
0:43:39 > 0:43:41like some kind of intergalactic policeman.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44I don't sort things out and I'm definitely not a policeman.
0:43:44 > 0:43:46You live in a police box.
0:43:46 > 0:43:48That's pure coincidence.
0:43:48 > 0:43:49Yeah, of course.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56Back at the exact moment we left.
0:43:56 > 0:44:01The kettle's boiling, I've got a vault to guard,
0:44:01 > 0:44:04and everything is exactly as we left it.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11Wasn't snowing when we left.
0:44:16 > 0:44:17Maybe I do need a steering wheel.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22- Where are we?- London.
0:44:25 > 0:44:28And this is the Thames.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32ELEPHANT TRUMPETS
0:44:34 > 0:44:36IT TRUMPETS AGAIN
0:44:39 > 0:44:41Travel into the past, there's got to be rules.
0:44:41 > 0:44:44If I step on a butterfly, it could send ripples through time.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48Regency England? A bit more black than they show in the movies.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51Are there any side effects to time travel?
0:44:51 > 0:44:54Sometimes you see lights under the ice. Stay back!
0:44:54 > 0:44:57There's something frozen under the Thames and it's eating people.
0:44:57 > 0:44:58Plan? Let's get eaten.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04The creature will be fed.
0:45:04 > 0:45:06Have you ever killed anyone?