0:00:02 > 0:00:03METALLIC THRUMMING
0:00:03 > 0:00:05DOOR CREAKS
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Well, here we are. Hedgewick's World -
0:00:11 > 0:00:14the biggest and best amusement park there will ever be
0:00:14 > 0:00:16and we've got a golden ticket!
0:00:16 > 0:00:19- Eh, eh? Fun!- Fun?
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Your stupid box can't even get us to the right place.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25- This is, like, a moon base or something.- It's not the moon.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29Actually, I think it does look like the moon. Only dirtier.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Hey, guys it's not the moon, OK?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34It's a Spacey Zoomer ride, or it was.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Psst! 'Scuse I. I don't suppose you happen to be my lift off planet?
0:00:38 > 0:00:41- Dave's Discount Interstellar Removals?- 'Fraid not.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43They were meant to be here six months ago.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45That's Dave for you, see, unreliable.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- Stay where you are!- Oops.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51Throw down your weapons and identify yourselves.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53No. No weapons! Golden ticket!
0:00:53 > 0:00:56Spacey Zoomer? Free ice cream?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Who are you? This planet is closed, by Imperial order.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01How's this?
0:01:01 > 0:01:05Oh. Welcome, Proconsul. I wish they'd told us you were coming.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Any news of the Emperor?
0:01:07 > 0:01:11Oh, the Emperor... No, no, none that you'd, er...
0:01:11 > 0:01:12We pray for his return.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16If there is anything you need, my platoon is at your service.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Right! Righty-oh. Well, carry on, Captain.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Platoon, let's move out.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25On the double. Two, three, four! Two, three, four!
0:01:25 > 0:01:26Two, three, four!
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Have they gone?
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Yes.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Uniforms give me the heebie-jeebies. Come on.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38They can't stop me being here, but they don't like it.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Ha-ha! You see?
0:01:41 > 0:01:44I told you it was amazing. Well, it used to be.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47It closed down. Wish I'd known that before I landed here.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50But let me show you my collection.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Come along, follow me, this way. This way in, come on.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Welcome to my show...
0:01:55 > 0:02:01Webley's World of Wonders. Miracles, marvels and more await you.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03I am impresario Webley.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05HE COUGHS
0:02:05 > 0:02:11You see before you waxwork representations of the famous...
0:02:11 > 0:02:13and the infamous.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Anybody here play chess?
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Perhaps you, young man?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Actually, I'm in my school chess club.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Ah, follow me.
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Now, let me demonstrate to you all the wonder of the age,
0:02:30 > 0:02:32the miracle of modernity.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34We defeated them all, a thousand years ago.
0:02:34 > 0:02:39But now he's back, to destroy you.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Behold! The enemy!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Cyberman! Get down!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21No need to panic, my young friends.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23We all know there are no more living Cybermen.
0:03:23 > 0:03:29What you are seeing is a miracle - the 699th wonder of the universe.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32As displayed before the Imperial court,
0:03:32 > 0:03:35and only here to destroy you - at chess!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Careful now. An empty shell.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39And yet it moves.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- How?- Magic.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44That might well be, young lady.
0:03:44 > 0:03:49A single penny wins you five Imperial shillings
0:03:49 > 0:03:54if you can beat this empty shell at chess.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57I haven't got a penny. But I've got a sandwich.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59All right, take a seat.
0:04:00 > 0:04:06It is free of all devices, and yet it has never been beaten.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Would you like to make the first move, young man?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Oh, no, Artie. No, don't do that, it...
0:04:19 > 0:04:21It's a fool's mate.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27If you can tell me how it works, I'll give you a silver penny.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29I think...you do it with mirrors.
0:04:30 > 0:04:35Hmm, mirrors, clever girl. Well, let's see, hey? Low tech.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39It's a puppet, monofilament strings, which means the brains are in...
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- Hello.- Hello.- I'm the brains.- Hello. Give us a hand.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52They call me Porridge.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Ah, it's good to be out of that box.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58For you, Miss...an Imperial penny.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07I have not one but THREE Cybermen in my collection.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11- Is that the king?- Emperor.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, etc, etc, the 41st - defender of humanity,
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- imperator of known space. - He looks a bit full of himself.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Don't say things like that about the Imperial family -
0:05:21 > 0:05:23you can end up on the run for the rest of your life.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25They don't sound very nice.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Go on. If the kids want to ride the Spacey Zoomer,
0:05:28 > 0:05:30then I can operate the gravity console.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Angie!
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- THEY GIGGLE - Whoa!
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Smile! Say, "Spacey Zoomer!"
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- We're flying!- Having a good time?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I think that was the most fun I've had in my whole life.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00It was...
0:06:00 > 0:06:01OK.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05Clara? I think outer space is actually very interesting.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Right, wonderful day out, Doctor, but it's time to get the kids home.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Yeah. Um, no. Not actually ready to leave.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15- Why not?- I dunno. Reasons.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- What reasons?- Insects. Funny insects.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20I should add them to my funny insect collection.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- You collect funny insects? - Yeah, I'm starting to.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Right now.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28How long do we have to stay here?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Not long. Have a nap. I'll wake you when we're ready to leave.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33- Comfy?- (Sleep well.)
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Good night.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Don't wander off.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I'm not just saying, "Don't wander off" - I MEAN it.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Otherwise you'll wander off, and the next thing you know,
0:06:47 > 0:06:50somebody's going to have to start rescuing somebody.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54- From what?- Nothing. Nobody needs rescuing from anything.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Don't wander off.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Sweet dreams.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Mmm. Mmm!
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Total takings for the day - one sandwich.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Better than no sandwich, of course.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Not as good as TWO sandwiches, or even a chicken...
0:07:22 > 0:07:23That's a bit odd.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26That's not funny, give me my hands back.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Upgrade in progress! - HE SCREAMS
0:07:40 > 0:07:42I HATE the future. It's stupid.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45There's not even phone service. I'm out of here.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46The Doctor said to not wander off.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48He said that,
0:07:48 > 0:07:51- and then he wandered off. - I don't think Clara would like that.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- She's not our mum. - Don't leave me here.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Was this really the biggest amusement park in the universe?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Yeah. Hedgewick bought the planet cheap.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05- It'd been trashed in the Cyber-Wars. - Who were we fighting?
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Cybermen. Technologically upgraded warriors. We couldn't win.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Sometimes we fought to a draw,
0:08:10 > 0:08:14but then they'd upgrade themselves, fix their weaknesses and destroy us.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17It's hard to fight an enemy that uses your armies as spare parts.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20You beat them, though - beat them or you wouldn't be here. How?
0:08:20 > 0:08:24Look up there - that corner of the sky. What do you see?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Nothing. It's just black.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28No stars, no nothing.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33Used to be the Tiberion Spiral Galaxy. A million star systems.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36A hundred million worlds. A billion trillion people.
0:08:36 > 0:08:41It's not there any more. No more Tiberion galaxy. No more Cybermen.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44It was effective.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- It's horrible.- Yeah.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I feel like a monster sometimes.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Why?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Because instead of mourning a billion trillion dead people,
0:08:53 > 0:08:55I just feel sorry for the poor blighter
0:08:55 > 0:08:57who had to press the button and blow it all up.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Clara! Did you tell Angie she could go to the barracks?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02You KNOW I didn't.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- She hasn't... - She's just gone in there.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Come on.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- I can't fix this. - It can't be broken.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14It's a solid state sub-ether ansible class communicator.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Just run the diagnostics.
0:09:15 > 0:09:19There's nothing left to diagnose. It's not broken. It's empty.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23- All the components have gone.- Well, you must have replacement parts.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Not enough to build a new one.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Captain, the weather-controller is malfunctioning again.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29There's storms, heat waves, snow.
0:09:29 > 0:09:33- CLANGING - Hello. I'm bored!
0:09:33 > 0:09:34Where's your big sister?
0:09:34 > 0:09:38Clara? She's not my sister. She's stupid.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40She's talking to Porridge.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42She talks to her porridge?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Porridge. That little bloke.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48We need to have a chat.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I'm not scared, if you're wondering.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I just think I ought to turn the lights back on.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38So, tell me about the little bloke.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Well, you must have seen him.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43- Angie, Angie!- She has to turn up and spoil everything!
0:10:43 > 0:10:47I wasn't doing anything! Why can't you just leave me alone?!
0:10:47 > 0:10:48THUMP!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Cyberman!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Angie!
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Attack formation!
0:10:57 > 0:10:59No!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Attack formation - quickly!
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Upgrade in progress!
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Angie!
0:11:20 > 0:11:22SHE SCREAMS
0:11:25 > 0:11:26- Angie!- Clara, Clara...!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28That was a Cyberman! But they're extinct.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Listen to me, I will get her back. Captain, a word, please.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Now, correct me if I'm wrong,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37but I take it your platoon doesn't do much fighting?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39- What do you expect?- What?
0:11:39 > 0:11:40We're a punishment platoon.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43It's why they sent us out here, so we can't get into trouble.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Ah, right, right, well, OK. As Imperial Consul,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I am putting Clara in charge.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Clara, stay alive until I get back,
0:11:52 > 0:11:55and don't let anyone blow up this planet.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Is that something they're likely to do?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Get to somewhere defensible. - Where are YOU going?
0:11:59 > 0:12:03I'm getting Angie, finding Artie and looking for funny insects.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07Stay alive. And you lot, no blowing up this planet!
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Put me down! I hate you!
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Artie? Artie, what's happening?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Please stand by.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27You will be upgraded.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31SHE SCREAMS
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Cyberiad class weaponry. I've taken it out of storage.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Good. We need to find somewhere defensible. Where?
0:12:39 > 0:12:43The beach, the Giant's Cauldron...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Real castle? Drawbridge? Moat?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Yes. But comical.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50We'll go there.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53Ma'am... My platoon can deal with one Cyberman.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56And there are protocols if we cannot immediately find and destroy it.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- Blowing-up-the-planet protocols? - Respectfully, ma'am...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Somewhere defensible. No blowing up the planet.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05She's your commanding officer now, isn't she, Captain?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Yes...
0:13:11 > 0:13:12..sir.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- You really saw a Cyberman? - We really did.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22- Have you reported it to the Imperium?- No communicators.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24So you're going to do what she says.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Right, let's all spend the night at Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Artie?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Firstly,
0:13:40 > 0:13:41if anybody's watching this,
0:13:41 > 0:13:45those children are under my protection. I'm coming to get them.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47And secondly...
0:13:47 > 0:13:49little metal machine...
0:13:50 > 0:13:53..you are beautiful.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Not even a Cybermat any more, eh?
0:14:06 > 0:14:07Cybermites?
0:14:13 > 0:14:18Now...there's a local transmat link open to your home.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20If I can just find the frequency...
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Hey, that really shouldn't have worked.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27- Doctor, help us.- Angie! Artie!
0:14:33 > 0:14:38- Webley?- We needed children, but the children had stopped coming.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40You brought us children.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Hail to you, the Doctor, saviour of the Cybermen!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- What would the Empire do if they WERE alerted?- I told you -
0:14:49 > 0:14:50tell me to blow up the planet.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52After they got us off?
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- Captain, you want to take that one? - No, ma'am. Just blow the sucker up.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Drawbridge, moat - brilliant.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01With respect, ma'am, we ought to be hunting the creature.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04The only reason I'm still alive is because I do what the Doctor says.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Can you guarantee me you'd bring back my children alive and unharmed?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- I trust the Doctor. - You think he knows what he's doing?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I'm not sure I'd go THAT far.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19As the battle raged between humanity and the Cyberiad,
0:15:19 > 0:15:23the Cyber-Planners built a Valkyrie, to save critically damaged units
0:15:23 > 0:15:27and bring them here and, one by one, repair them.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29The people who vanished from the amusement park -
0:15:29 > 0:15:32they were spare parts
0:15:32 > 0:15:33for repairs.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37We've upgraded ourselves. The next model will be undefeatable.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Nothing's undefeatable.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43We needed children to build a new Cyber-Planner.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48A child's brain, with its infinite potential, is perfect for our needs.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50But we no longer need the children.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53The Cybermites have been scanning YOUR brain, Doctor.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55It's quite remarkable.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Also completely useless to you. Cybermen use human parts.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02I'm not human.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04You can't convert non-humans.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Well, that was true a long time ago. But we've upgraded ourselves.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Current Cyber units use almost any living components.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Aaaargh!
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Incorporated. Yes.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Unfamiliar pulmonary set-up.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Nervous system hyperconductive.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Remarkable brain processing speed.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39HE LAUGHS
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Ooh! Amazing!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Get out of my head! Stop rummaging in my mind!
0:16:48 > 0:16:53Just you try and stop me. Ooh, who's Clara?
0:16:53 > 0:16:57- Why are you thinking about her so much?- Enough!
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Fascinating. A complete mental block. Highly effective.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Relax, relax.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07If you just relax, you will find this a perfectly pleasant experience.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08You are being upgraded
0:17:08 > 0:17:12and incorporated into the Cyberiad as a Cyber-Planner.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Get out of my head!
0:17:15 > 0:17:17What is this place? A network? A hive?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20You're getting signals from every Cyberman everywhere.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21How many of you are there?
0:17:24 > 0:17:28Oh...this is brilliant!
0:17:28 > 0:17:33I'm so clever already, and now I'm a million times more clever.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37And what a brain! Not a human brain, not even SLIGHTLY human.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41I mean, I'll have to completely rewrite the neural interface,
0:17:41 > 0:17:48but this is going to be the most efficient Cyber-Planner!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Not a great name, that, is it?
0:17:50 > 0:17:54I could call myself Mr Clever.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58So much raw data... Time Lords.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03There's information on the Time Lords in here!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Oh, this is just dreamy!
0:18:06 > 0:18:11Right, I'm allowing you access to memories on Time Lord regeneration.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15HE LAUGHS
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Fantastic!
0:18:18 > 0:18:19I could regenerate now.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Big blast of regeneration energy,
0:18:21 > 0:18:24burn out any little Cyber widgets in my brain,
0:18:24 > 0:18:25along with everything you're connected to.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Don't want to. You diss me up, who knows what we'll get next?
0:18:29 > 0:18:30But I can.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Stalemate, then.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38One of us needs to control this head.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40We're too well-balanced.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41What did you say?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44No, no, no, I heard you.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Rhetorical device to keep me thinking about it a bit more.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Stalemate.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52We each control 49.881% of this brain.
0:18:52 > 0:18:550.238 of the brain is still in the balance.
0:18:55 > 0:18:56Whoever gets this gets the whole thing.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00- Do you play chess?- The rules of chess are in my memory banks.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02You're proposing we play chess to end the stalemate?
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Winner takes all. Nobody can access that portion
0:19:04 > 0:19:06of the brain without winning the game.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11You can't win!
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Try me.
0:19:14 > 0:19:20You understand, when I DO win, the Cyberiad gets your brains
0:19:20 > 0:19:23and memories. All of it.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- When- I- win, you get out of my head,
0:19:27 > 0:19:29you let the children go,
0:19:29 > 0:19:32and nobody dies.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36You got that? Nobody dies!
0:19:42 > 0:19:44(RADIO) 'Castle's clear. Missy, confirm status.'
0:19:44 > 0:19:47All clear in the power station.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48JARRING THUD
0:19:52 > 0:19:54It's Missy.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Something's out there.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58'What do you mean? Is it the Cyberman?'
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I don't know. I couldn't see it. It was only for a moment.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Can I hide? Is it OK if I hide?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08DON'T MOVE! I'M IN THE ARMY!
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Erm, ma'am, Missy said she saw something, and then she went quiet.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40It's on its way, then. Weapons! Show me.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Only one gun?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Cybermen have been extinct for 1,000 years.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Even one Anti-Cyber Gun is a miracle.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49These things are hand-pulsars.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Touch the back of a Cyberman's head,
0:20:51 > 0:20:54the electromagnetic pulse deactivates it.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59What's this for? Just a mad guess here - it blows up the planet?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Implodes it. There's also a trigger unit.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04I'll have that, then. Is there any other way to activate the bomb?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07It's set to respond to MY voice. I have the verbal code.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10You will not activate it without a direct order from me.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16I will follow my orders.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Your orders come from me. Don't they?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25You'll need to sign for that trigger unit, ma'am.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Thanks.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Mind if I take one of these? Might be handy.
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Help yourself. I'll teach you how to use it. Upstairs. Now.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41There. That was easy.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46The game...has just started.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Doctor...
0:21:47 > 0:21:51why is there no record of you anywhere in the databanks
0:21:51 > 0:21:52of the Cyberiad?
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Oh. You're good.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00You've been eliminating yourself from history.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04You know, you could be reconstructed by the hole you've left.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Good point. I'll do something about that.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13The rules of chess allow only a finite number of moves.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16And I can use other Cyber units as remote processors.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18You cannot possibly win.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20I can. I know things you don't.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22For example, did you know...
0:22:22 > 0:22:25very early versions of the Cyber operating system could be
0:22:25 > 0:22:29seriously scrambled by exposure to things, like gold or cleaning fluid?
0:22:29 > 0:22:34And what's interesting is, you're still running some of that code.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Really?
0:22:36 > 0:22:38That's your secret weapon?
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Cleaning fluid?
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Nope. Gold.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Ho-ho! Like a charm.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Right, you, Cyber...Webley.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52And you, kid...things.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56I'll bring the chessboard. Let's get out of here.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58BEEPS
0:22:58 > 0:23:00You knew it was me.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05I was in the Imperial Guard on Caspertine. Mostly just parades.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08But I had the honour to guard the old Emperor
0:23:08 > 0:23:09during the ice picnic.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13When the snow bears came and danced for us. That was a day.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16We're a punishment platoon. We can't beat a Cyberman.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18The Imperium has to know what's happening.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Like you said, the communicators are out.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23The only way you can report this now is to activate the bomb.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Yes.- And I forbid you to do that.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28I don't get it. Why would you blow up a whole planet,
0:23:28 > 0:23:31and everybody on it, just to get rid of one Cyberman?
0:23:31 > 0:23:34We tried other ways. But they only work sometimes.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36So now we take drastic action. And it works.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40If you find a Cyberman and you can't destroy it immediately,
0:23:40 > 0:23:43you implode the planet.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I was sent here because I didn't follow orders.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47I can make up for that.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Put it down, I forbid you!
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Yeah. What she said.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56You ran away. I will do what I was brought up to do.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Live for the Empire, fight for the Empire, die for the Empire.
0:23:59 > 0:24:05This is Captain Alice Ferrin, Imperial ID 19-delta-13B.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Activate...
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Cyberman! Get down!
0:24:18 > 0:24:21The Doctor said to get somewhere easily defensible.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23But if we stay in the castle, it'll pick us off one by one.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26- We have to take it out. - Is that an order, ma'am?
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- Yes.- Good.
0:24:33 > 0:24:34You know what to do.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Pulse to the back of the head.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Fry the brain circuit interface.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41It's going to be hard to get in close enough.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20I've heard about the Cybermen since I was in my cradle.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23I'm not afraid of you!
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Now!
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- Hold it right there! - What's happening to them?
0:25:38 > 0:25:40One more step, and I fire!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Don't fire that.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45A pulse will deactivate them. And anyway...
0:25:45 > 0:25:48it's a waste of charge. We may need it again.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50You don't think that was the only one, then?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Don't shoot, don't shoot! I'm nice!
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Please, don't shoot! Hey, Clara, you haven't let them blow up the planet.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06- Good job.- Did you get the kids? Are they all right?
0:26:06 > 0:26:08- What's going on?- Bit of a good news/bad news/good news again
0:26:08 > 0:26:12thing going on. So... Good news - I've kidnapped their Cyber-Planner,
0:26:12 > 0:26:14and right now I'm sort of in control of this Cyberman.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Bad news?- Bad news - the Cyber-Planner's in my head.
0:26:17 > 0:26:24And DIFFERENT bad news - the kids are... Well, it's complicated.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Complicated how?
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Complicated, as in walking coma.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36- Please tell me you can wake them up. - Hope so.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- Other good news? - Well, in other good news,
0:26:38 > 0:26:42there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45And the Cyber-Planner's installing a patch for the gold thing.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48No, wait, that isn't not good news, is it? Um, so...
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Good news - I have a very good chance of winning my chess match.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55- What?- I'll explain later. In a bit of a hurry.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Get me to a table.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58And somebody tie me up!
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Need hands free for chess.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03And immobilise me.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Quickly.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Right, that's good. I won't be able to move, but...hands free. Good.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- You're playing chess with yourself? - And winning.
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- VOICE SPEAKS THROUGH THE DOCTOR: - Actually,
0:27:14 > 0:27:16he has no better than a 25% chance
0:27:16 > 0:27:18of winning at this stage in the game.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, flesh-girl.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Fantastic! I'm the Cyber-Planner.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- Doctor...?- Afraid not. I'm working the mouth now. Allons-y!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Oh, you should see the state of these neurons -
0:27:30 > 0:27:32he's had some cowboys in here. Ten complete re-jigs.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36- You aren't the Doctor. - No, but I know who YOU are.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38You're the impossible girl.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43Ooh, he's very interested in you.
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Why am I impossible?
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Hasn't he told you? The sly devil.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Oh, dear me. Soon, we wake, we'll strip you down for spare parts,
0:27:49 > 0:27:51then build a spaceship and move on.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54- More Cybermen?- They're waking from their tomb right now.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57You can either die or live on as one of us.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00- The Doctor will stop you. - He can't even access the lips.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Owwww!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Ow! Oh, that hurt! No, stop!
0:28:05 > 0:28:09Enough! Bit of pain, neural surge - just what I needed. Thanks.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Why am I the impossible girl?
0:28:11 > 0:28:13- It's a thing in my head. I'll explain later.- Chess game - stakes?
0:28:13 > 0:28:16If he wins, I give up my mind and he gets access to all my memories,
0:28:16 > 0:28:18along with knowledge of time travel.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21- But if- I- win, he'll break his promises to get out of my head
0:28:21 > 0:28:23- and then kill us anyway. - That's not reassuring.- No.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Please tell me you can fix what happened to the children.
0:28:26 > 0:28:27Children. Yeah. They're fine.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Right now their brains are just in stand-by mode.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32- That is not fine!- Listen, right now,
0:28:32 > 0:28:37they have a better chance of getting out of all this alive than you do.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Which one of you said that?
0:28:40 > 0:28:45Me. Cyber-Planner. Mr Clever. Now, if you don't mind,
0:28:45 > 0:28:48I have a chess game to finish.
0:28:48 > 0:28:54And YOU have to die - pointlessly and very far from home.
0:28:57 > 0:28:58Toodle-oo.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Apparently there are more Cybermen on the way.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07There's at least a dozen more shots left in the gun
0:29:07 > 0:29:08before it needs to recharge.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11We might have more than a dozen Cybermen to worry about.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13- What's that cable? - Power line for the park.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15What'd happen if we dropped the end into the moat and turned it on?
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Fry anything that entered the water.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20- Can Cybermen fly?- No, ma'am.
0:29:20 > 0:29:22First good news of the day. Do it.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42(Stop that!) I felt that.
0:29:42 > 0:29:44Of course you did. It's time to get up.
0:29:46 > 0:29:49(Wakey wakey, boys and girls.)
0:29:49 > 0:29:53Wakey wakey.
0:30:20 > 0:30:24- There. Get that in you. Warm you up. - Oh, thank you, Porridge.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26Oi, Clara!
0:30:26 > 0:30:30- I'll see what he wants. Call me if there's any change.- Right.
0:30:37 > 0:30:41Hey! Clara, there you are. Now, quick rundown.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43What's our weapons strength?
0:30:43 > 0:30:45One big gun, five of those hand pulsar units
0:30:45 > 0:30:48- and a shiny black bomb that implodes the planet.- Yeah. That one.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Tell me, does it happen, possibly, to have a remote triggery thing?
0:30:51 > 0:30:53- Brilliant. Pass it here.- No.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55- Why not? - In case you're not you right now.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57- Or even if you are you, just in case. - Oh, don't worry.
0:30:57 > 0:31:02(The Cyber-Planner's hibernating between moves right now.) Sssh.
0:31:02 > 0:31:06Prove you're you. Tell me something only the Doctor knows.
0:31:10 > 0:31:11Clara...
0:31:13 > 0:31:15I suppose...
0:31:15 > 0:31:19I'm the only one who knows how I feel about you right now.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23How funny you are - so funny...
0:31:25 > 0:31:27..and pretty.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30And the truth is, I'm starting to like you
0:31:30 > 0:31:32in a way that is more than just...
0:31:32 > 0:31:37Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! It's me!
0:31:37 > 0:31:40That really hurt! How did you know that was him?!
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Because even if that WAS true - which it's obviously not -
0:31:42 > 0:31:44I know you that you would rather die than say it.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46Finish your stupid game!
0:31:48 > 0:31:51- Doctor, let go.- I can't. He's got control of the left arm.
0:31:51 > 0:31:55Aaargh! Aaaargh! No! No!
0:31:55 > 0:31:59Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaargh!
0:32:01 > 0:32:03Doctor?
0:32:03 > 0:32:05He got what he wanted. He destroyed the trigger.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08- My move.- What do you mean, he got what he wanted?
0:32:08 > 0:32:10He means...
0:32:10 > 0:32:14good news, boys and girls!
0:32:14 > 0:32:18THEY'RE HEERE!
0:32:36 > 0:32:38One gun, five hand pulsars
0:32:38 > 0:32:40and a planet-smashing bomb that doesn't work any more.
0:32:40 > 0:32:42- Why not?- Broken trigger unit.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44But you signed for that.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48I've learned so much from you, Doctor.
0:32:48 > 0:32:50It's been an education.
0:32:50 > 0:32:54But now it's time for the endgame.
0:33:08 > 0:33:09Brilliant.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14- ROBOTIC VOICE:- Upgrade in progress.
0:33:15 > 0:33:16Damn.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21- Who's our best shot? - Probably it's me.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Shoot any of them who make it across.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26The rest of you, take defensive positions. Porridge?
0:33:26 > 0:33:27- Yes?- Keep yourself safe.
0:33:43 > 0:33:44Alice Ferrin...
0:33:44 > 0:33:48you should have destroyed this planet when you had the chance.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50They're nearly here.
0:33:50 > 0:33:55Now, you can take my bishop and keep limping on for a little longer.
0:33:55 > 0:33:59Or you can sacrifice your queen,
0:33:59 > 0:34:02and get the children back,
0:34:02 > 0:34:04but it's mate in five moves.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06And I get your mind.
0:34:16 > 0:34:20Take my queen. And give me back the children.
0:34:22 > 0:34:26Emotions! Can't you see what a foolish move that was?
0:34:26 > 0:34:28You've lost the game!
0:34:28 > 0:34:31Kids! Back! Now!
0:34:40 > 0:34:44Emotions, Doctor -
0:34:44 > 0:34:49all for two human children you barely know.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52And it was a pointless sacrifice anyway.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57So, Doctor...
0:34:57 > 0:35:01do you think the children's death will affect your relationship
0:35:01 > 0:35:03with Miss Clara?
0:35:08 > 0:35:11Welcome to Webley's World Of Wonders, children.
0:35:11 > 0:35:15Now presenting delights, delicacies...
0:35:15 > 0:35:17- and death.- Doctor!
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Angie, are you, OK? Just look after Artie, OK?
0:35:37 > 0:35:40Upgrade in progress.
0:35:40 > 0:35:42Your move. But before you take it, just so you know,
0:35:42 > 0:35:45sacrificing my queen was the best possible move I could have made.
0:35:45 > 0:35:47The Time Lords invented chess.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49It's our game.
0:35:49 > 0:35:52And if you don't avoid MY trap, it gives ME mate in three moves.
0:35:52 > 0:35:53How?
0:35:55 > 0:35:57I've got no charge left!
0:36:02 > 0:36:03How?
0:36:07 > 0:36:09Oh, come on. Call yourself a chess-playing robot?
0:36:09 > 0:36:10How?!
0:36:14 > 0:36:15CHUCKLES
0:36:15 > 0:36:17You figure it out!
0:36:21 > 0:36:25Or don't you have the processing power? Hmm?
0:36:25 > 0:36:28Please stand by - you will be upgraded.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31Welcome to the Cyberiad.
0:36:31 > 0:36:32You will be upgraded.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35- VOICES DISTORT AND SLOW DOWN - Welcome to the Cyberiad.
0:36:35 > 0:36:36You will be upgraded...
0:36:36 > 0:36:40You will be upgraded...
0:36:47 > 0:36:48What are you doing?
0:36:48 > 0:36:51Doctor. Doctor, Doctor, Doctor,
0:36:51 > 0:36:54Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor!
0:36:54 > 0:36:56I'm pulling in extra processing power.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59Three million Cyberbrains are working on one tiny chess problem.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01How long do you think it's going to take us to solve it?
0:37:01 > 0:37:06- That's cheating!- No, no, no, no, no. Just pulling in the local resources.
0:37:06 > 0:37:07Woo-oo-oo.
0:37:13 > 0:37:17There's no way you can get to mate in three moves.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20Three moves! Want to know what they are?
0:37:20 > 0:37:21You're lying!
0:37:21 > 0:37:23No!
0:37:23 > 0:37:25Move one -
0:37:25 > 0:37:27turn on sonic screwdriver.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Move two - activate pulsar.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Move three - amplify pulsar.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34BEEPING
0:37:34 > 0:37:36See ya.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39GROANS
0:37:39 > 0:37:40That's cheating!
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Just taking advantage of the local resources.
0:37:47 > 0:37:51- Ah, hello. Can someone untie me, please?- Do you think I'm pretty?
0:37:51 > 0:37:53No! You're too short and bossy, and your nose is all funny.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56Good enough. What happened to the Cyber-Planner?
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Out of my head and redistributed across three million Cybermen.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01About to wake them up, kill us and start constructing a spaceship.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04We need to destroy this planet before they can get off it.
0:38:04 > 0:38:06OK.
0:38:06 > 0:38:08It has a fallback voice activation.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10The Captain. But she's dead.
0:38:10 > 0:38:12- I think you should ask Porridge. - Why?
0:38:12 > 0:38:16Well, he is the Emperor. I bet HE knows the activation codes.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18Oh, come on, it's obvious.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20He looks exactly like he does on the coin
0:38:20 > 0:38:23and on the waxwork, except they made him a bit taller, but...
0:38:23 > 0:38:26Look, am I the only one paying attention to ANYTHING around here?
0:38:26 > 0:38:28You are full of surprises. Porridge?
0:38:28 > 0:38:31- She's right.- So you can save us?
0:38:31 > 0:38:33We all die in the end. Does it matter how?
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- What do we do? - I don't want to be Emperor.
0:38:36 > 0:38:39If I activate that bomb, it's all over.
0:38:39 > 0:38:40And if you don't,
0:38:40 > 0:38:43three million Cybermen will spread across the galaxy.
0:38:43 > 0:38:44Isn't that worth dying for?
0:38:44 > 0:38:46- Doctor...- Three million Cybermen!
0:38:50 > 0:38:53The bomb, the throne, it's all connected.
0:38:53 > 0:38:54I just have to say,
0:38:54 > 0:38:58"This is Emperor Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, called Longstaff the 41st,
0:38:58 > 0:39:02"the defender of humanity, imperator of known space.
0:39:04 > 0:39:08"Activate the Desolator." And it's done.
0:39:08 > 0:39:09BUZZING
0:39:16 > 0:39:17It'll blow in about 80 seconds.
0:39:17 > 0:39:20Easily long enough for the Imperial Flagship to locate me
0:39:20 > 0:39:23from my identification, warp-jump into orbit,
0:39:23 > 0:39:25and transmat us to the State Room.
0:39:31 > 0:39:34Oh, yeah! Nice ship.
0:39:34 > 0:39:35Bit big. Not blue enough.
0:39:35 > 0:39:40Listen, there is a large blue box at co-ordinates six ultra 19P.
0:39:40 > 0:39:43I need it transmatted up here right away.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Right. Did you get that?
0:39:55 > 0:40:01And that's that. 76, 77, 78, 79...
0:40:09 > 0:40:12Fairwell, Cyberiad.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15You know...it was GOOD to get away.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18Good to be a person and not to be lonely
0:40:18 > 0:40:20or Emperor of 1,000 galaxies,
0:40:20 > 0:40:22with everybody waiting for ME to tell them what to do.
0:40:22 > 0:40:24Can't you run away again?
0:40:24 > 0:40:26They'll be keeping a close eye on me this time.
0:40:26 > 0:40:28That's what happens when you're Emperor -
0:40:28 > 0:40:30loneliest job in the Universe.
0:40:30 > 0:40:31You don't have to be lonely.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36I don't.
0:40:36 > 0:40:37Clara...
0:40:37 > 0:40:39will you marry me?
0:40:40 > 0:40:41- What?- He said...
0:40:41 > 0:40:43She heard what he said.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45You're smart and you're beautiful,
0:40:45 > 0:40:48and I've never met anyone like you before.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51And being Emperor won't be as hard if you're by my side.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53And you'd rule 1,000 galaxies.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56This sounds like an actual marriage proposal - tricky.
0:40:56 > 0:40:57Now, if you want my advice...
0:40:57 > 0:41:01You - not one word. This is between me and the...Emperor.
0:41:03 > 0:41:05Porridge,
0:41:05 > 0:41:08I...don't want to rule 1,000 galaxies.
0:41:12 > 0:41:13Yeah.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16Silly of me.
0:41:16 > 0:41:18I'm really sorry.
0:41:18 > 0:41:22But that's stupid. You could be queen of the universe.
0:41:22 > 0:41:24How can you say no to that?
0:41:24 > 0:41:27When someone asks you if you want to be queen of the universe,
0:41:27 > 0:41:28you say, "Yes."
0:41:28 > 0:41:31You watch. One day, I'LL be queen of the universe.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35Of course, I could have you all executed -
0:41:35 > 0:41:37which is what a proper Emperor would do.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41You're not actually going to do that, though, are you...?
0:41:41 > 0:41:44Oh, you're...! Hey?
0:41:44 > 0:41:46Go on, get out of here, all of you,
0:41:46 > 0:41:47before I change my mind.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04Thank you for having me. It was very interesting.
0:42:04 > 0:42:06My pleasure. Thank you for coming.
0:42:06 > 0:42:08Now, I've got something for you.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10It's not from me, it's from the TARDIS.
0:42:12 > 0:42:14Ah! New phone.
0:42:14 > 0:42:17Thanks! Sorry I said this box was stupid.
0:42:19 > 0:42:23- Bye!- Bye!- Thanks, Clara. Thanks, Clara's boyfriend.
0:42:26 > 0:42:27- Thank you, Doctor.- For what?
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Kids' day out, getting us off the planet alive,
0:42:29 > 0:42:32whatever you were doing with the Cybermen...
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Good night.
0:42:37 > 0:42:39See you next Wednesday.
0:42:39 > 0:42:43Well...a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday...
0:42:43 > 0:42:45one of the Wednesdays.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50Impossible girl.
0:42:50 > 0:42:53A mystery wrapped in an enigma squeezed into a skirt
0:42:53 > 0:42:55that's just a little bit too...tight.
0:43:02 > 0:43:03What are you?
0:43:05 > 0:43:08Signs of any Cybertech remaining?
0:43:08 > 0:43:10No, Majesty.
0:43:10 > 0:43:12You ever wanted to be Emperor, Gloria?
0:43:12 > 0:43:13No, Majesty.
0:43:13 > 0:43:16That's the right answer. Come on. Let's go home.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37There is one place you must never go.
0:43:37 > 0:43:39Where?
0:43:39 > 0:43:42This is the Doctor's greatest secret.
0:43:42 > 0:43:43And it is discovered.
0:43:43 > 0:43:46- He can't go there, you know he can't.- I have a duty.
0:43:46 > 0:43:48You just said it's the one place you must never go.
0:43:48 > 0:43:51I'm about to cross my own timeline and the TARDIS doesn't like it.
0:43:55 > 0:43:56Die, reptile!
0:43:56 > 0:43:58Doctor! Doctor!
0:43:58 > 0:44:00What is your name?
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Please, stop it!
0:44:02 > 0:44:03Doctor Who?!
0:44:24 > 0:44:27Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd