0:00:02 > 0:00:03- Take a punt!- Right.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06Your choice. Wherever, whenever,
0:00:06 > 0:00:09anywhere in time and space.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12Well...there is something,
0:00:12 > 0:00:16someone that I've...always wanted to meet.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18- But I know what you'll say.- Try me.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20You'll say he's made up, that there is no such thing.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23- Go on.- It's...
0:00:24 > 0:00:28- It's Robin Hood.- Robin Hood.- Yeah!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31I love that story. I've always loved it, ever since I was little.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Robin Hood, the heroic outlaw,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- who robs from the rich and gives to the poor?- Yeah!
0:00:37 > 0:00:40- He's made up. There's no such thing. - Ah, you see!
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Old-fashioned heroes only exist in old-fashioned story books, Clara.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- And what about you?- Me?
0:00:48 > 0:00:52Yeah, you. You stop bad things happening every minute of every day,
0:00:52 > 0:00:55that sounds pretty heroic to me.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00- Just passing the time. Hey, what about Mars?- What?!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- The Ice Warrior Hives!- You said it was my choice.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Or the Tumescent Arrows of the Half-Light!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07- Those girls can hold their drink! - Doctor...
0:01:07 > 0:01:11And fracture 15 different levels of reality simultaneously.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13I think I've got a Polaroid somewhere.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Doctor!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17My choice. Robin Hood. Show me!
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Very well.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23CLARA GASPS EXCITEDLY
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Earth. England.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Sherwood Forest.
0:01:30 > 0:01:341190AD...ish.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38But you'll only be disappointed.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54BIRDSONG
0:02:01 > 0:02:05No damsels in distress, no pretty castles,
0:02:05 > 0:02:07no such thing as Robin Hood!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18You called?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Very, very nicely done with the box, sir.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05I saw a Turk perform something very similar at Nottingham Fayre.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08It's a trick with mirrors, no doubt?
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- A trick?- A good jest.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- ROBIN LAUGHS - This is not a trick, this is a TARDIS.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Whatever it is, you bony rascal,
0:03:17 > 0:03:20I'm afraid I must relieve you of it.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23It's my property, that's what it is!
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Well, don't you know all property is theft to Robin Hood?
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- You're not serious.- I'm many things, sir, but I'm never that.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Robin Hood laughs in the face of all.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35HE LAUGHS
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- And do people ever punch you in the face when you do that?- Not as yet.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44- Lucky I'm here then, isn't it? - Might be a...little bit much,
0:03:44 > 0:03:47but...what do you reckon, Doctor?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50By all the saints!
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Are there any more in there?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- Is that...?- No.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Oh, my God!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh, my God! It is, isn't it?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05You found him. You actually found Robin Hood.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07That is not Robin Hood!
0:04:07 > 0:04:12Well, then who, sir, is about to relieve you of your magic box?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Nobody, sir.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- Not in this universe or the next. - Well, then draw your sword and prove your words.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24I have no sword.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26I don't need a sword.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Because I am...the Doctor.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32And this...is my spoon!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34En garde!
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- Ow!- You're amazing!- I've had some experience.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Richard the Lionheart!
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Cyrano de Bergerac!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Errol Flynn! He had the most enormous...
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- CLARA CLEARS HER THROAT - ..ego!
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- Takes one to know one.- Oh...you!
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Doctor!
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Like I said...my box.
0:05:32 > 0:05:33Doctor?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38THE DOCTOR GASPS
0:05:39 > 0:05:41ROBIN AND CLARA LAUGH
0:05:47 > 0:05:48CHICKENS SQUAWK
0:05:49 > 0:05:51In the name of all that's holy,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55take our money, take our treasure, but spare my ward!
0:05:55 > 0:05:59- Do not fuss, all will be well. - This is the Sheriff's doing!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02If he were here now, I'd tear out his black heart!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Would you now?
0:06:05 > 0:06:06WOMAN SCREAMS
0:06:06 > 0:06:12Or are you as milk-livered as your name suggests, Master Quayle?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Take me! Spare this dear child!
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Take you?! A lardy lack-wit like you?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22It's labour we require up at the castle!
0:06:22 > 0:06:27Labour and gold, not old men and their worthless baubles.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30This will be a great help, Master Quayle, believe me.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Newcomer to Sherwood, are we?
0:06:32 > 0:06:36- Yes, my Lord.- You may also prove useful. Bring her.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Your days are numbered, you cur!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49You shall live to regret that.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Actually, no...
0:06:54 > 0:06:58- ..you won't.- Ohh!- No!
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- No! - SHE SOBS
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Let me introduce you to my men.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15This is Will Scarlet.
0:07:15 > 0:07:19He is a cheeky rogue with a good sword arm and a slippery tongue.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20- My lady. - LAUGHTER
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Argh! What do you want with my hair?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Well, it's realistic, I'll give you that.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28And this is Friar Tuck.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Aptly named for the amount of grub he tucks into!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- You skinny blackguard! - LAUGHTER
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- What are you doing? - This isn't a real sandal!
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Yes, it is.- Oh, yes, it is.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41This is Alan-a-Dale.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43He's a master of the lute,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46whose music brightens up these dark days.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48# Stranger you are welcome here
0:07:48 > 0:07:51# In Sherwood's bonny glade... # Ow!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Sorry, sorry, sorry. Blood analysis.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Oh! All those diseases!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01If you were real, you'd be dead in six months.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04- I am real.- Bye.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08And this...is John Little.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Called Little John.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13He's my loyal companion in many an adventure.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- ALL LAUGH - Oh!- Works every time!
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Oh, I cannot believe this!
0:08:22 > 0:08:27You...really are Robin Hood and his Merry Men!
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Aye! That is an apt description.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- What say you, lads? ALL:- Aye!
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Stop...laughing!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Why are you always doing that?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Are you all simple or something?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- I'm going to need a sample.- Of what? CLARA CLEARS HER THROAT
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Excuse me. Sorry. What are you doing?
0:08:48 > 0:08:53Well, they're not holograms, that much is obvious. Could be a theme park from the future.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Or we might be inside a miniscope. - Oh, shut up!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59A miniscope! Yes, of course! Why not?
0:09:00 > 0:09:06Your friend...seems not quite of the real world.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- No.- No, he's not really, not most of the time.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- Hmm.- Dark days?
0:09:11 > 0:09:15- My lady?- You said that these were dark days, what did you mean?
0:09:15 > 0:09:18King Richard is away on crusade, my lady.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20His tyrant of a brother rules instead.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- And the Sheriff? Cos there is a sheriff, right?- Aye.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25It is indeed this jackal of the princes
0:09:25 > 0:09:27who seeks to oppress us for ever more.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Or six months in your case.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33It is a shame to dwell on murky thoughts...
0:09:34 > 0:09:38..when there is such beauty here.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42- Hmm.- Why are you so sad?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Why do you think me sad?
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Because the Doctor's right, you laugh too much.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54You know, I do not live this outlaw life by choice.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57You see before you...Robert...
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- BOTH:- Earl of Loxley.- Yes.- Yes.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Sorry, do go on.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08I erm... I had my lands and titles stripped from me.
0:10:08 > 0:10:12I dared to speak out against Prince John.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15But I lost the thing most dear to me.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17What was she called?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21You're so very quick!
0:10:21 > 0:10:23How does the Doctor stand it?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Marian?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- You know her?- Yes.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I have always known her.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36It was Marian who told me that I must stand up and be counted.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41But...I was afraid.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46Now this green canopy is my palace
0:10:46 > 0:10:49and the rough ground my feather bed.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Maybe one day I will return home,
0:10:50 > 0:10:54but until that day...until that day it is beholden on me
0:10:54 > 0:10:56to be the man Marian wanted,
0:10:56 > 0:11:00to be a hero for those this tyrant sheriff slaughters.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03What time is it, Mr Hood?
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- Somewhat after noon.- No, no.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Time of year? What season?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Oh, Dame Autumn has draped her mellow skirts about the forest, Doctor.
0:11:12 > 0:11:18- The time of mists and harvest approaches.- Yeah...all very poetic.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20But it's very green hereabouts, isn't it?
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- Like I said, very sunny.- So?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Have you been to Nottingham?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28BIRDSONG
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Climate change?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31It's 1190.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32You must excuse me.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35The Sheriff has issued a proclamation
0:11:35 > 0:11:38and tomorrow there is to be a contest
0:11:38 > 0:11:42to find the best archer in the land.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45And the bounty...it's an arrow made of pure gold.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47No! Don't go! It's a trap.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Well, of course it is! ALL LAUGH
0:11:49 > 0:11:52But a contest to find the best archer in the land?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55ROBIN CHUCKLES There is no contest.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56All LAUGH
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Right, that isn't even funny.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02That was bantering.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04I am totally against bantering.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09How can you be so sure he's not the real thing?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Because he can't be.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14When did you stop believing in everything?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17When did you start believing in impossible heroes?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Don't you know?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27In a way, it's rather sweet.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34BEEPING
0:12:46 > 0:12:48CHEERING
0:12:49 > 0:12:54In the contest for the golden arrow,
0:12:54 > 0:13:01after ten rounds, the battle is betwixt our Lord Sheriff...
0:13:01 > 0:13:03MUTED CHEERING
0:13:03 > 0:13:07..and the stranger known as Tom the Tinker!
0:13:07 > 0:13:10RAUCOUS CHEERING
0:13:10 > 0:13:13Perhaps not such a stranger, after all.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Take your places!
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Shall we make the contest a little more interesting, my Lord?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30The targets seem a little close. What say you?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Another 20 paces? - Why not?
0:13:51 > 0:13:56Now, Tinker. Let us see thy true face.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07CHEERING
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Ye Gads! He has split the arrow!
0:14:11 > 0:14:15Truly, he is the finest archer in all England!
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Come forward, Tinker. And claim your prize.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32He's full of surprises, isn't he?
0:14:32 > 0:14:36I am the Doctor. My skills as a bowman speak for themselves.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I claim my reward.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43A mere bauble.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- I want something else. - Name it.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Enlightenment.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12This is getting silly.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Fascinating. Seize him!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27What are you doing? Put that down!
0:15:27 > 0:15:30I'm fine! I take Year Seven for after school tae kwon do.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Don't worry, Doctor! I'll save you! - I don't need saving!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Your honour is safe! - I know!- For I am Robin!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38CHEERING Robin Hood!
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Robot!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56CLANKING
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Now we're getting somewhere!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Take them!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Kill the rest!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Kill them all!
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- He surrenders!- What?
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Hai!
0:16:16 > 0:16:18You miserable cur! I had them on the run!
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Flee, lads, flee! Live to fight another day!
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Come on!
0:16:23 > 0:16:27To the dungeons with all of them!
0:16:27 > 0:16:28What are you up to?
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Quickest way to find out anybody's plans - get yourself captured!
0:16:35 > 0:16:37SCREAMS AND GROANS
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Here...let me help you.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Thank you...Lady.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03What are you? Gargoyle, what are you?
0:17:03 > 0:17:07- Leave it.- He only needs to rest. We all need to rest.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Analysis shows that peasant creature is spent.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13No, please.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Usefulness expired.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17No. No!
0:17:17 > 0:17:18No!
0:17:24 > 0:17:25Damn you!
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Damn you and that villain the Sheriff!
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Splendid!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40- Enchained!- Yup.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Trussed up like turkey-cocks!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Thanks to your friend.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Shut it, Hoodie.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- I saved your life. - I had the situation well in hand.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Long-haired ninny versus robot killer knights,
0:17:53 > 0:17:55I know where I'd put my money.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58If you had not betrayed me, I would have been triumphant!
0:17:58 > 0:18:01- You would have been a little puff of smoke and ashes!- Ha!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04You'd have been floating around in tiny little laughing bits
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- in people's goblets. - Balderdash! Ha!
0:18:06 > 0:18:09Oh, right, here we go, it's laughing time!
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Well, you amuse me, grey old man!
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Guard! He's laughing again!
0:18:13 > 0:18:16You can't keep me locked up with a laughing person.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Oh, I find that quite funny.
0:18:17 > 0:18:22Do you know, I feel another laugh coming on. Ha-ha-ha!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Guards, I cannot remain in this cell!
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Execute me now!
0:18:26 > 0:18:28You heard him - execute the old fool!
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- No, hang on, execute him!- I do not fear death, so execute away!
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Execute him! I'd like to see
0:18:33 > 0:18:35if his head keeps laughing when you chop it off!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Oh, Robin Hood always laughs in the face of death.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Yes, rolling around the floor laughing,
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I'd pay good money to see that!
0:18:41 > 0:18:42- Guard!- Guard!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- Guard!- Guard!- Guard!- Guard!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Oh, you two, SHUT UP!
0:18:53 > 0:18:57Do either of you understand... in any way at all...
0:18:59 > 0:19:01..that there isn't actually a guard out there?
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Oh.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- I did, in fact. - No, you didn't.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13I said, shut up. The Doctor and Robin Hood locked up in a cellar.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Is this seriously the best you can do.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18You're determined to starve to death in here squabbling.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Well, I'll tell you one thing.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24I'd last a lot longer than this desiccated man-crone.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- Really?- Really.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Well, you know what?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35I think you'll find I have a certain genetic advantage. Oh!
0:19:35 > 0:19:38It is not a competition about who can die slower.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41It would definitely be me, though, wouldn't it?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43There was supposed to be a plan. Do either of you have a plan?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46- Yeah, of course I have a plan. - I too have a plan.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47OK, Robin, you first.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Why him?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Doctor, shut up. Robin, your plan.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55I am...
0:19:56 > 0:19:57..biding my time.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Thank you, Prince of Thieves.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Last of the Time Lords?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Yes, I have a plan.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09Can you explain your plan without using the word sonic screwdriver?
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Because you might have forgotten
0:20:10 > 0:20:14the Sheriff of Nottingham has taken your sonic screwdriver, just saying.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- It's always the screwdriver.- OK, l-l-let's hear Robin's plan first.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- Oh, for God's sake! - DOOR IS UNLOCKED
0:20:20 > 0:20:21See? There was a guard.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24There was guard listening the whole time, I knew it.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30The Sheriff himself commanded me to listen,
0:20:30 > 0:20:33to find out which of you is the true ringleader.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Ah, so he can do the interrogating. Very wise.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Excellent. He will get nothing from me!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41No, no, no, he will get nothing from me,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44because interrogation, that's where I always turn the tables.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46You see, that's my plan.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- Just hurry up and take me to him. - No, no, chop-chop, come on!
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Seriously?- Come on.- No.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56What are you doing?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Don't be ridiculous!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00DOOR SLAMS
0:21:10 > 0:21:13'Tis a thing of beauty indeed.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17And will feed a family for a twelvemonth when melted down!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Tonight we rest.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Tomorrow we must draw up plans to rescue Robin.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24We shall soon see how those Mechanicals feel
0:21:24 > 0:21:26about the taste of Nottingham steel!
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Lord, forgive me.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- Strange, though, is it not?- What?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34All this looting that the Sheriff is doing.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36And yet 'tis only ever gold that he takes.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Pearls, rubies, all the precious jewels of the realm
0:21:39 > 0:21:41seem no consequence to him.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Only gold.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50# Poor Robin and the stranger lay
0:21:50 > 0:21:53# In the dungeon all the live-long day
0:21:53 > 0:21:56# The Merry Men might pine away
0:21:56 > 0:21:59# Upon a Sherwood morning. #
0:21:59 > 0:22:02GROANS AND SCREAMS
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Eat, my Lady, eat.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Let it not be said that the Sheriff of Nottingham is a poor host.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31I had a bag of crisps this morning, thanks.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- Your words are strange, fair one. - Hm, I should think they are.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38But I like you. You are refreshingly...
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- ..direct.- You can take the girl out of Blackpool...
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Taken from your friend's strange tunic.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53An intriguing gallimaufry.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Including...this wand.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Evidently a thing of awesome power.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Tell me...
0:23:06 > 0:23:08..are you from beyond the stars?
0:23:08 > 0:23:11You're the one with the robot army, you tell me.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15I'm sorry?
0:23:15 > 0:23:21No. Beat your breast, moan, groan as though 20 devils possessed your guts.
0:23:21 > 0:23:25- What for?- So as to attract the attention of that guard.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28It's your plan - you moan.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32- No, no, no, it won't work.- Why?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Oh, because you're clearly more advanced in years
0:23:35 > 0:23:38- and you have a sickly aspect to you. - I have a what?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40You're as pale as milk.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42It's the way with Scots, they're strangers to vegetables.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44I'm not moaning. You moan!
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Fine. If you want something doing...
0:23:47 > 0:23:50HE MOANS LOUDLY
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Can I rely upon you to do the rest? - Yes, yes, I know the drill.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55What is this din?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57No business of yours, cur!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Speak up! I can't hear you.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01- What ails him? - None of your business.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05I said, what ails him?
0:24:05 > 0:24:09Well, if you must know, he's having a nervous breakdown.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13- A what?- He's like this whenever he's in any kind of danger.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16He just can't seem to cope, he gets so afraid.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18He goes into a kind of fit.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23I honestly believe that he may die of sheer fright, like some tiny,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25- shivering little mouse. - HE GROANS
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- Oh, God, I think he's soiled himself.- Let him die.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30It will save us the trouble of executing him.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32And what will happen to the reward?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Reward?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Oh, God, I shouldn't have said that!
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Tell me!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40He carries a vital message.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43The Prince has promised a bounty!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46- A big one?- An enormous one!
0:24:46 > 0:24:47What's that?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Say again?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53HE MUMBLES
0:24:54 > 0:24:57Your breath stinks like a serpent, has anyone ever told you that?
0:25:01 > 0:25:02ROBIN GRUNTS
0:25:02 > 0:25:06- Soiled myself?- Did you? That's getting into character!
0:25:06 > 0:25:07OK, keys!
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- I'll get them.- No, I'll get them. - I'll get them...- I'll get them.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- I'm fine, no, no worries! - I've got them! I've got them!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- I'll get... - KEYS RATTLE THEN FALL
0:25:14 > 0:25:18TAPPING AS THEY FALL THEN THEY LAND IN WATER
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- Well, there is a bright side. - Which is?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Clara didn't see that.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27ROBIN SIGHS
0:25:27 > 0:25:31But enough of tawdry matters.
0:25:34 > 0:25:40Let us talk of softer... sweeter things.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Ah! Good, yes, I was hoping we'd get round to that.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45- You were?- Mmm.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47For I have known I was destined to draw the eye
0:25:47 > 0:25:51of a great and powerful man for a long time,
0:25:51 > 0:25:56- ever since I saw those mysterious lights in the sky.- You saw them too?
0:25:56 > 0:26:00And those strange mechanical men, with their promises.
0:26:02 > 0:26:05- I too have experienced this.- Really?
0:26:05 > 0:26:09- Well, I would never have guessed. Tell me your story.- Tell me yours.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12- Oh, no, no, no, no. But you have to go first.- Why so?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Because great men always precede.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21You have a point.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22Your story, then.
0:26:23 > 0:26:30Once upon a time, there was a brave and clever and handsome man...
0:26:32 > 0:26:34I can almost picture him.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36I don't even have to close my eyes.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40- ..unappreciated by his royal master.- Prince John?
0:26:40 > 0:26:42The very same.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47Then came the lights in the sky, and everything changed.
0:26:47 > 0:26:53The skyship came to Earth in a fury of fire!
0:26:53 > 0:26:56I'd almost call it a crash. I remember it well.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58A craft from the heavenly spheres,
0:26:58 > 0:27:02bedight with twinkling lights and miracles beyond imagining!
0:27:02 > 0:27:08The most beautiful thing the brave and handsome man had ever seen.
0:27:08 > 0:27:13And I suppose the mechanical men saw you as their natural leader?
0:27:13 > 0:27:18It was I and I alone to whom the mechanical men
0:27:18 > 0:27:20then imparted their secrets.
0:27:20 > 0:27:23Shortly, I shall be the most powerful man in the realm.
0:27:23 > 0:27:29King in all but name, for Nottingham is not enough.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- It isn't?- After this...
0:27:31 > 0:27:35- Derby!- Right.- Then...
0:27:36 > 0:27:37..Lincoln.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- And after Lincoln...- Worksop?
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- DAGGER SLAMS LOUDLY - The world!
0:27:46 > 0:27:48ROBIN PANTS
0:27:48 > 0:27:51- Now what? - First, a blacksmith's forge.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53So as to remove our chains?
0:27:53 > 0:27:54No.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57So I can knock up an ornamental plant stand.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Of course it's so we can get rid of our chains!
0:27:59 > 0:28:02I don't want to be manacled to you all night.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- ROBIN LAUGHS - Oh, no, please, don't do that!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- "Ornamental plant stand." - It's not even that funny!
0:28:07 > 0:28:11- You're an amusing fellow, Doctor! - Oh, don't! Can you just stop?
0:28:11 > 0:28:14- LAUGHTER CONTINUES - You'll give yourself a hernia!
0:28:15 > 0:28:19So what are you hanging around here for, then, Your Majesty?
0:28:19 > 0:28:22Why are you bothering to squeeze the pips out of the peasants
0:28:22 > 0:28:24- if you've got a skyship on stand-by? - Enough questions.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28I'm impatient to hear your story.
0:28:28 > 0:28:32Oh, but I do not have one.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34I was lying.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- Lying?- Yeah.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38People are so much better at sharing information
0:28:38 > 0:28:40if they think the other person has already got it.
0:28:42 > 0:28:44- Oh, that's very clever. - Thank you.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49You'll do very well.
0:28:49 > 0:28:50For what?
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Doesn't every king...
0:28:54 > 0:28:57require a consort?
0:28:57 > 0:29:00Right, you do that again and you'll regret that!
0:29:16 > 0:29:20At last - something real, no more fairy tales.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26- What is this place?- A spaceship. More 29th century than 12th!
0:29:26 > 0:29:30Data banks, data banks, data banks! Where was this ship headed?
0:29:35 > 0:29:38- The Promised Land again. - COMPUTER BEEPS
0:29:38 > 0:29:40Like the Half-Faced Man, but more sophisticated.
0:29:41 > 0:29:45It disguised itself as a 12th-century castle,
0:29:45 > 0:29:50emerges into the culture, tries to keep a low profile,
0:29:50 > 0:29:51so no-one notices.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54That explains the robot knights.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56But the engines...
0:29:56 > 0:29:58The engines are damaged.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01They're leaking radiation into the local atmosphere,
0:30:01 > 0:30:04creating a temporary climate of staggering benevolence.
0:30:04 > 0:30:06- Beg pardon?- Told you.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08It's too sunny.
0:30:08 > 0:30:10It's too green.
0:30:10 > 0:30:14And there is even an evil sheriff to oppress the locals.
0:30:14 > 0:30:17- This explains everything, even you. - It does?
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Well, what does every oppressed peasant workforce need?
0:30:19 > 0:30:22The illusion of hope.
0:30:22 > 0:30:25Some silly story to get them through the day,
0:30:25 > 0:30:28lull them into docility and keep them working.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30Ship's data banks.
0:30:30 > 0:30:33Full of every myth and legend you could hope for, including...
0:30:35 > 0:30:36..Robin Hood.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44Isn't it time you came clean with me?
0:30:50 > 0:30:52You're not real and you know it!
0:30:52 > 0:30:54Look at you, perfect eyes, perfect teeth.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57Nobody has a jawline like that!
0:30:57 > 0:30:59You're as much a part of what is happening here as the Sheriff
0:30:59 > 0:31:03and his metal knights! You're a robot!
0:31:03 > 0:31:08You dare to accuse me of collusion with that villain, the Sheriff?
0:31:08 > 0:31:10- I dare!- You false-tongued knave!
0:31:10 > 0:31:13I should have skewered you when I had the chance!
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- I would like to see you try! - LASERS ARE FIRED
0:31:20 > 0:31:22Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
0:31:22 > 0:31:24- Surrender, outlaw!- Very good.
0:31:24 > 0:31:28- Kill him. Kill Robin Hood!- You can drop all that stuff now, Sheriff.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31- Doctor?- He is not what you think he is, this is all play-acting.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33We can't just let them kill him!
0:31:33 > 0:31:35You're not fooling anyone, Sheriff.
0:31:41 > 0:31:42What the hell are you doing?
0:31:42 > 0:31:44- Surviving.- No!
0:31:44 > 0:31:47- No! Clara! - LOUD SPLASH
0:31:56 > 0:31:59Yeah, sorry about the girl, such a pretty thing.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01What a queen she would've made.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Stop pretending.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20You and your fancy robots.
0:32:20 > 0:32:24- I get it, I understand. - Oh, so you too know my plans?
0:32:24 > 0:32:25You and your robots
0:32:25 > 0:32:28plundering the surrounding countryside for all it's worth...
0:32:31 > 0:32:32Gold.
0:32:32 > 0:32:35- HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS - Gold! Of course!
0:32:35 > 0:32:39Gold! You are creating a matrix of gold to repair the engine circuitry!
0:32:39 > 0:32:42This is the scheme the Mechanicals have devised.
0:32:42 > 0:32:45Soon this skyship will depart. Destination...
0:32:45 > 0:32:49London. There I will obliterate the King
0:32:49 > 0:32:54and take my rightful place as ruler of this sceptered isle!
0:32:54 > 0:32:57It won't work. There's not a chance. I've seen the instruments.
0:32:57 > 0:32:58There's been too much damage.
0:32:58 > 0:33:01- You are stoking up a gigantic bomb!- Er...
0:33:05 > 0:33:08'Engine capacity at 48%.'
0:33:08 > 0:33:10MAN SCREAMS
0:33:10 > 0:33:14'Engine capacity at 48%.'
0:33:14 > 0:33:17It's not enough. That's not enough. It'll never make orbit.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20PEOPLE WAILING, SMALL EXPLOSION
0:33:20 > 0:33:22ELECTRICAL PULSING
0:33:22 > 0:33:25That's the engines... building in power.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27Stupid, stupid Sheriff!
0:33:27 > 0:33:32- HE GRUNTS:- Agh! Go on, give! Give, you stupid...things!
0:33:32 > 0:33:34HE PANTS
0:33:34 > 0:33:36What are you looking at?
0:33:45 > 0:33:46Hi.
0:33:46 > 0:33:48The time for games is over.
0:33:50 > 0:33:51GIRL: I think I understand you.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54The Sheriff's using the gold to replace something?
0:33:54 > 0:33:56That's the principle.
0:33:56 > 0:33:57But he's a moron.
0:33:57 > 0:33:58If he tries to fly his ship,
0:33:58 > 0:34:01it'll explode and wipe out half the country.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05What we need...
0:34:05 > 0:34:07is a little riot.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11Time to reflect on lasers and gold.
0:34:11 > 0:34:12Spread the word.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15You will tell me everything this Doctor knows
0:34:15 > 0:34:19about Robin Hood and his Merry Men.
0:34:20 > 0:34:23What is this? Why are you interrogating me?
0:34:23 > 0:34:27And then, you will tell me exactly who this Doctor is
0:34:27 > 0:34:29and what are his plans.
0:34:33 > 0:34:38You are fit for labour. Stand aside while this peasant unit is freed.
0:34:38 > 0:34:40I'm afraid you're a little late.
0:34:40 > 0:34:41Explain.
0:34:41 > 0:34:43I'm already free!
0:35:02 > 0:35:04SHERIFF: Mine!
0:35:04 > 0:35:05Mine.
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Mine.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11Engine capacity at 75%.
0:35:11 > 0:35:14BEEPING
0:35:15 > 0:35:17'Sblood!
0:35:17 > 0:35:21Who will rid me of this turbulent Doctor?!
0:35:22 > 0:35:24FIST CLANGS ON METAL
0:35:25 > 0:35:26Come.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31SCREAMING
0:35:37 > 0:35:39Everyone, the last one!
0:35:52 > 0:35:53THEY CHEER
0:35:53 > 0:35:58Out, out! Everyone, quickly, get out! Quickly!
0:35:59 > 0:36:01You've saved us all, clever one.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03Thank you.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09Engine capacity at 82%.
0:36:09 > 0:36:14You are indeed an ingenious fellow, Doctor.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18But do you really think your peasants' revolt can stop me?
0:36:18 > 0:36:21I rather think you're the revolting one around here.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23Banter! I'm bantering! Listen to me!
0:36:23 > 0:36:27You don't have enough gold content to seal the engine breach.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29If you try and take off, you'll wipe out half of England.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31Liar!
0:36:31 > 0:36:33From my sky vessel, I shall rule omnipotent.
0:36:33 > 0:36:37You pudding-headed primitive, shut down the engines.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40What you're doing will alter the course of history.
0:36:40 > 0:36:42I sincerely hope so.
0:36:43 > 0:36:45Or I wouldn't be bothering.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49Listen to me! It doesn't have to end like this.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52Shut it all down, return Clara to me and I'll do what I can.
0:36:52 > 0:36:53I don't have Clara.
0:36:53 > 0:36:54Robin's one of yours!
0:36:56 > 0:36:57What did you say?
0:36:57 > 0:37:00He's one of your tin-headed puppets, just like these brutes here.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03Robin Hood is not one of mine.
0:37:03 > 0:37:07Of course he is. He's a robot, created by your mechanical mates.
0:37:07 > 0:37:08Why would they do that?
0:37:08 > 0:37:10To pacify the locals, give them false hope.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12He's the opiate of the masses.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Why would we create an enemy to fight us?
0:37:14 > 0:37:18What sense would that make? That would be a terrible idea.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20Yes! Yes, it would!
0:37:22 > 0:37:26Wouldn't it? Yes, that would be a rubbish idea. Why would you do that?
0:37:26 > 0:37:28But he can't be... He's not real.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31He's a legend!
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Too kind!
0:37:33 > 0:37:37And this legend does not come alone!
0:37:37 > 0:37:38Hiya!
0:37:48 > 0:37:49- You all right?- Hell, yeah.- Good!
0:37:51 > 0:37:53My men have taken the castle.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56- No!- Now I'm going to take you. - This one's all mine!
0:37:56 > 0:37:58MOTORS WIND DOWN
0:37:58 > 0:38:01What do you say, outlaw? A final reckoning?
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Oh, yes.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07- Are you OK?- Fine, yeah.
0:38:07 > 0:38:08Good. We don't have long.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10RUMBLING
0:38:13 > 0:38:15I shall avenge every slight, outlaw!
0:38:15 > 0:38:18- Doctor...- I know. The whole castle's about to blow.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21You have long been a thorn in my side.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27Well, everyone should have a hobby. Mine's annoying you.
0:38:27 > 0:38:30I'll have you boiled in oil at the castle by sunset.
0:38:30 > 0:38:33Can we make it a little earlier? Cos that's a little past my bedtime!
0:38:40 > 0:38:42I'm too much for you, outlaw!
0:38:42 > 0:38:43The first of a new breed.
0:38:43 > 0:38:45Half man, half engine!
0:38:49 > 0:38:50Never ageing...
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Never tiring...
0:38:58 > 0:39:00Are you still talking?
0:39:16 > 0:39:19Bow down before your new king,
0:39:19 > 0:39:21you prince of knaves!
0:39:26 > 0:39:29Aaaaargh!
0:39:29 > 0:39:31SPLASH!
0:39:39 > 0:39:42Sorry. Was that, er, was that showing off?
0:39:42 > 0:39:43That was amazing!
0:39:43 > 0:39:45RUMBLING
0:39:46 > 0:39:47Run! Come on, run!
0:39:56 > 0:39:59CRASHING
0:40:04 > 0:40:05It's never going to make it.
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Not enough gold. It'll never make it into orbit.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09- Where is it? Where did it go? - Where did what go?
0:40:09 > 0:40:12- The golden arrow!- Tuck!
0:40:12 > 0:40:15- You took it? - Of course we did.- We're robbers.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17- I love you boys! - Doctor, what are you suggesting?
0:40:17 > 0:40:19Golden arrow.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22It might just be enough gold content to get the ship into orbit
0:40:22 > 0:40:23and out of harm's way.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27It has to be you. My arm is injured.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35You're good at this! I saw you! You won the tournament!
0:40:35 > 0:40:36I cheated.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39- I made a special arrow with a homing device.- Oh, brilliant!
0:40:39 > 0:40:40- Right, let me have a go.- You?
0:40:40 > 0:40:43You do tae kwon do! That's not the same thing as this!
0:40:43 > 0:40:45My friends. Surely we can manage it together?
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Engine capacity at 83%.
0:40:51 > 0:40:55Insufficient power to achieve escape velocity.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Maximum power surge.
0:41:13 > 0:41:14ALARM BLARES
0:41:14 > 0:41:18Engines critical. Engines critical.
0:41:18 > 0:41:19Engines crit...
0:41:21 > 0:41:23THEY CHEER
0:41:23 > 0:41:26# One awful day in Nottingham
0:41:26 > 0:41:29# Brave Robin Hood was in a jam
0:41:29 > 0:41:31# The arrow flew it true... #
0:41:31 > 0:41:33Give it a rest, Alan.
0:41:33 > 0:41:35Give me my lute!
0:41:35 > 0:41:37THEY LAUGH
0:41:37 > 0:41:39Still not keen on the laughing thing?
0:41:39 > 0:41:40No, no, no, no.
0:41:40 > 0:41:42SHE LAUGHS
0:41:43 > 0:41:45HE LAUGHS
0:41:47 > 0:41:48Woo-hoo!
0:41:52 > 0:41:54I'm going to miss you.
0:41:56 > 0:41:57- You're very naughty.- I know.
0:42:00 > 0:42:02Whoever he is...
0:42:04 > 0:42:06..he is a very lucky man.
0:42:07 > 0:42:08Marian is very lucky, too.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13- I fear not.- Don't give up.
0:42:15 > 0:42:18Not ever, not for one single day.
0:42:20 > 0:42:23Be safe, if you can be.
0:42:23 > 0:42:25But always be amazing.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27Hmm!
0:42:30 > 0:42:33Goodbye, Robin Hood.
0:42:33 > 0:42:36Goodbye, Clara Oswald.
0:42:49 > 0:42:53So, is it true, Doctor?
0:42:53 > 0:42:54Is what true?
0:42:54 > 0:42:59That in the future I am forgotten as a real man? I am but a legend?
0:43:00 > 0:43:01I'm afraid it is.
0:43:04 > 0:43:06Good.
0:43:06 > 0:43:11History is a burden. Stories can make us fly.
0:43:11 > 0:43:14I'm still having a little trouble believing yours, I'm afraid.
0:43:14 > 0:43:16Is it so hard to credit?
0:43:16 > 0:43:18That a man born into wealth and privilege should find
0:43:18 > 0:43:21- the plight of the oppressed and weak too much to bear...- No...
0:43:21 > 0:43:24..until one night, he is moved to steal a TARDIS?
0:43:25 > 0:43:28Fly among the stars, fighting the good fight.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31Clara told me your stories.
0:43:31 > 0:43:34She should not have told you any of that.
0:43:34 > 0:43:35Well...
0:43:35 > 0:43:38Well, once the story started, she could hardly stop herself.
0:43:40 > 0:43:42You are her hero, I think.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44I'm not a hero.
0:43:44 > 0:43:45Well, neither am I.
0:43:47 > 0:43:50But if we both keep pretending to be...
0:43:50 > 0:43:51Ha-ha!
0:43:53 > 0:43:56..perhaps others will be heroes in our name.
0:43:56 > 0:43:59Perhaps we will both be stories.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02And may those stories never end.
0:44:08 > 0:44:11Goodbye, Doctor, Time Lord of Gallifrey.
0:44:11 > 0:44:15Goodbye, Robin Hood, Earl of Loxley.
0:44:15 > 0:44:18And remember, Doctor...
0:44:19 > 0:44:21I'm just as real as you are.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35Admit it. You like him.
0:44:38 > 0:44:40Well, I'm leaving him a present, aren't I?
0:44:45 > 0:44:49METALLIC THRUMMING
0:44:54 > 0:44:55Robin?
0:44:57 > 0:45:00- I've found you at last.- Marian?
0:45:06 > 0:45:07CHEERING
0:45:09 > 0:45:11Thank you! Thank you, Doctor!
0:45:15 > 0:45:16Ha-ha-ha!
0:45:18 > 0:45:23What's that in the mirror or the corner of your eye?
0:45:25 > 0:45:27What's that footstep following...
0:45:28 > 0:45:30..but never passing by?
0:45:31 > 0:45:34Perhaps they're all just waiting.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36Perhaps when we're all dead,
0:45:36 > 0:45:39out they'll come a-slithering from underneath the bed.
0:45:44 > 0:45:46KNOCKING