0:00:33 > 0:00:36'Take the second exit from the roundabout.'
0:00:36 > 0:00:38We haven't passed a roundabout for ten miles!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Women navigators(!)
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I don't know what was wrong with paintballing in Letherbridge.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Urban arenas are for girls. This is extreme paintball.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Separates the men from the boys.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- Yeah, but we didn't have time for breakfast.- And I need a leak.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Can I help it if everything I touch turns to gold?
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Just call me King Canute.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58King Midas.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03King Canute tried to hold back the sea.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Yeah, well, he can probably do that as well.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- Are you going to tell us why we're here? - Yeah, and where's Tim?
0:01:10 > 0:01:15Tim is no longer on the team. So there's a vacancy.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Think of this as a... sort of a job interview.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Like the Apprentice?
0:01:20 > 0:01:23Yeah. And one of you will impress me today.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Right, better go for a waz.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Ooh. Watch it, mate.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Sorry. Didn't see you down there.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Right, either of you got experience?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43No. Something tells me you do.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Captain of the Spartans. University Scenario Team of the year, 2006.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50I can't decide whether to have sausage and bacon or double sausage.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52We need to talk tactics.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Or both.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56It's a bunch of boys running around with toy guns.
0:01:56 > 0:02:00That's where you're wrong. It's a game of strategy. And the core skills
0:02:00 > 0:02:06you'll need in the forest are angles, communication. A, C, T.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07- Hash browns.- Mmm.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Right. Rule number one. Stick to the perimeter.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15That way, the enemy can only come at you in one direction.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20Hello. Hugo. What, you're kidding?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22I thought you said they were going to put in an offer.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25RADIO ALARM
0:02:27 > 0:02:28No, hang on.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I have got...to get to work.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36THEY LAUGH
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Oh, so there's no viewing lined up. What about the couple with the dog?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Oh, for... Oh, that's brilliant, that is.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01- Oh, could be worse. - Yeah, it's paintwork, mainly.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05What do you reckon? £500 worth of damage each?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- It's not worth losing our no claims over.- Too right.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- You happy to settle without going through the insurance? - Yeah, definitely.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13If you want to send me a cheque
0:03:13 > 0:03:14if you haven't got cash?
0:03:14 > 0:03:15It was your fault!
0:03:15 > 0:03:18I don't think so. I've got witnesses.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19He left his car in gear.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Kangaroo hopped into the back of you.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Yeah.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- You reversed into us! - You're lying!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Why don't you put it through your insurance? Let them decide.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30You kidding me? It's his word against mine.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- The insurers side with the one who's been tailgated.- Shame.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38- Six years, no claims up in smoke. - Here's my card. In case you come to your senses,
0:03:38 > 0:03:41decide to settle in cash. Come on.
0:03:47 > 0:03:54It's not often a dashing man makes me breakfast and walks me to work.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58It's not every day a beautiful woman spends the night in my company.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00You're so charming.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02I'm really going to miss you when you go away.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Well, on the subj...
0:04:04 > 0:04:07If not your tea. I could murder a cup of builders.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Welcome.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Captain "Cap" Harker.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Chief Marshall and your referee for today.
0:04:23 > 0:04:28This is not a game. It is not recreation.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31It is a team building exercise.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Within the confines of this arena, there is one law.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Harker's law.
0:04:38 > 0:04:4165 acres of woodland. 14 fields of play,
0:04:41 > 0:04:46including Hamburger Hill, Fort Ranger,
0:04:46 > 0:04:51The Village, Snake Field, and Bridge Attack.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Form a line please, gentleman.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59This is not a Girl Scouts jamboree!
0:04:59 > 0:05:04Today's theme is team. In combat, your unit is your family.
0:05:04 > 0:05:09OK, everybody out. Move it! Move it!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Move! Move!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Two teams. Red and blue.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- You are blue.- I like to be red.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Shush!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22We'll make our way to start camp where you will be issued with
0:05:22 > 0:05:23a map, a compass and a first aid kit.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Your mission -
0:05:25 > 0:05:30which you have already chosen to accept - is to find your way back to base.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31PHONE RINGS
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Hello.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34You have two lives each.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Loss of life incurs a half-hour time penalty.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Well, she'd started asking questions. I had to speak her.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I disagree. It was up to me to break the news to her
0:05:42 > 0:05:45and I didn't know you needed a written warning.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47The first team across the line wins.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Yes, I can count how many bedrooms we have.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53You can forget your smartphones and your sat nav aps
0:05:53 > 0:05:55and your GPS trackers,
0:05:55 > 0:05:58because any second now, we're going out of range.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Of course she won't be expected to share with Izzie.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05That's something Zara and I need to talk... Hello?
0:06:05 > 0:06:06DID YOU GET ALL THAT?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Sir! Yes, Sir!
0:06:13 > 0:06:16That... That's disgusting.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17What you doing?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20What? It's camouflage and it's all around you. So use it.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Have you chosen a team leader?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- I'm here, aren't I? - There you go.- Oi!
0:06:26 > 0:06:27I'm just...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Assuming? Nothing changed there, Danny boy.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32One, I'm the only one that knows about paintball.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Two, today was for my benefit.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37And three, if you'd shown any leadership qualities at all,
0:06:37 > 0:06:39we wouldn't be here.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Fine by me.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44God help you.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Oh! The enemy has landed.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59HE LAUGHS
0:07:04 > 0:07:10Oh, I am so sorry, Mrs T. Tembe. Um...
0:07:10 > 0:07:15My alarm didn't go off. And I...IT'S normally so reliable.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18Your lie-in obviously did you the world of good.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22- You're positively glowing. - That's as maybe.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26But your minor surgery with Doctor Carter is in half an hour
0:07:26 > 0:07:31and I hope you were not expecting him to prepare the equipment himself.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- No. Right.- Dirty dog.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37I have no idea what she means.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Call this a competition? We were expecting a real team.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- We can take you. - Ooh. We're really scared.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- You and who's army? - Oh, break it up, ladies.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- If you've got issues - fight them out in the arena.- All right.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58A little wager, settle this matter once and for all.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01Whoever's on the losing team pays for both cars. All right?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04HE MAKES CHICKEN NOISES
0:08:04 > 0:08:07All right. All right. Fine. We'll see them off.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Good. Now put down your handbags and pick up your weapons.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Oh, no, thanks. We've got our own.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16See you in battle.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28- Be funny if we changed it. - Funny in what way?
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Oi! Ollie! This way!
0:08:41 > 0:08:43We'll give them a surprise.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Be on the lookout for any possible ambush sites.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Any bunkers, any thick patches of undergrowth by the trail.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Her exact words were,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57"Does the world need another one of your heartbroken,
0:08:57 > 0:08:58"neglected offspring?"
0:08:58 > 0:08:59That's harsh.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Down! Down! Down!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Now she's saying is, Zara's house is too small.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Shhh!
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Ignore it. She's just angry you're moving on.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12OK, move out.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Heaven forbid that Izzie would have to share a room with the baby. Oh!
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Hang on, does anyone recognise that tree?
0:09:20 > 0:09:25They all look the same to me. Does that make me a treeist?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- No, we've been here before. Hang on.- It's this way.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30It does, er, look a little familiar.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Are you sure we're not going round in circles?- Yes.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35I say we vote.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37This isn't a democracy. This is a team.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38And I'm the leader.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40So you do what I say.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- We're sticking to the map.- Zip it!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Well, I definitely recognise this.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- We're going round in circles. - Bunker. On guard.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56This was supposed to be fun. Not a yomp in the woods with Pol Pot Jr.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58BATTLE CRIES
0:10:04 > 0:10:09Three lives lost within the hour. Congratulations. A record.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15I'll make sure your names are added to the roll of dishonour.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20You still have time to catch 'em if you put your mind to it.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27Oh, by the way, they are all experienced long distance runners.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29HE LAUGHS
0:10:31 > 0:10:33What a bunch of twonks.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34That was too easy.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38How did you know to stake out that bunker?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I, er, switched the marker.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43What did you do that for?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45- Because we want to win.- By cheating?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Grow some balls.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Oliver, if you want to be on my team, you better wise up to the fact
0:10:51 > 0:10:53that I don't care how we win.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Just if.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01Keep up, will you?!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03What's the point? They've got half an hour head start.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07I could be home in time to register with another estate agent.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Tempted to join you. It'll get Lisa off my back.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10We're not giving up.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Why? It's not like we can win.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Because I'm not a quitter.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15We're here because you're a quitter.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19The only reason I quit is because of your total lack of mentoring skills.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Guys, hang on. Look.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Well, who had the map last?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I think you did.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33No, I didn't.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35It was tied to your rucksack.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40If we follow the perimeter markers, we'll still make base camp first.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42If no-one's tampered with them, of course.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Who died and made you my conscience?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46You're starting to remind me of Tim.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48He was a real pain in the backside as well!
0:11:48 > 0:11:51ARGH!
0:11:51 > 0:11:53DISTANT PAINED HOWLING
0:11:53 > 0:11:55What was that?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58This changes everything.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59They can still follow the arrows.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Exactly. Which means I've got a plan.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Look, hear me out.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Are you OK?
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Aargh! Does it look like...? Aargh! Ribs!
0:12:08 > 0:12:09We need to get help.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13Now would be good. Can't...breathe.
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Let's go.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Not in the same direction, you pillock.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29Flag's up. Game on. We've got two options.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32Make a dash down the middle or skirt the perimeter
0:12:32 > 0:12:34and risk running into them.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- What do you reckon?- Your call.
0:12:37 > 0:12:42- You got us this far.- OK. I reckon our best chance is to...
0:12:42 > 0:12:46- Wow, wow, wow!- Don't shoot! I need help. My mate's hurt.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Hang on, hear him out.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- It's a ruse. Classic. - No, it's the truth.- Where's his gun?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52What happened?
0:12:52 > 0:12:55He fell on a rock. He's in agony. He can't breathe.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59- Could be a pneumothorax. We're doctors.- He knows that! - How?- I don't know.
0:12:59 > 0:13:04It's some coincidence him coming with a medical emergency just when we're on our way to the finish!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- Scout's honour.- I believe him.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09And if you're wrong, it's going to cost me a grand, so I reckon we shoot him,
0:13:09 > 0:13:13- we tie him up, and we head for the finish.- Yeah, and if YOU'RE wrong,
0:13:13 > 0:13:16you're prepared to take that risk?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Dr Wilson.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Sorry.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Remember the sterile technique.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33- Yep.- And you must get the whole capsule so there's no reoccurrence.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37How are things going with Marina?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Perfect. With one flaw. She has no palate.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42She's a gastronomic desert.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Try and get it all out in one go,
0:13:45 > 0:13:48give yourself enough access.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Is that enough?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52That's very good. Very good. Now, nice and steady.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Nice and steady. It's too late for that.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57You're never too old to change.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Take fish fingers, for example.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Kids love 'em, and so do we.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07There comes a point in life where you think...
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I don't know, what about sea bass?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Every one raves about it...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15so you think, "Yeah, OK,
0:14:15 > 0:14:16"I'll try it.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19"I'll step out of the box."
0:14:19 > 0:14:21And you try it...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23and you like it...
0:14:23 > 0:14:29and suddenly, those fish fingers seem kind of bland by comparison.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32I'm sorry. That made no sense whatsoever.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36No, on the contrary, Dr Wilson. Wise words.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37Wise words, indeed.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Oh, no, give me a hand.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Great(!)
0:14:44 > 0:14:48I ask you to get help - you bring the three stooges.
0:14:48 > 0:14:49They're doctors.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51He's tachycardic. OK...
0:14:51 > 0:14:53HE CRIES OUT
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Fractured ribs.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57HE GROANS
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Hyper resonant to percussion.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Trachea's deviated.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08In English, please!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10You've got a tension pneumothorax.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15One of your ribs has damaged your lung so the pressure's building in your chest, stopping you breathing.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16- Agh!- Is it serious?
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- Can you do anything? - We can make a hole in the wall of the chest to decompress the air.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24What...here?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27You must be joking... Are you sure they're doctors?
0:15:27 > 0:15:28We're GPs, mate.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Oh...thanks.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33I'll pass...wait for the real thing.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34That is not a good idea.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37You are NOT touching me, you bunch of muppets!
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- OK, he's going to go off at any minute- Meaning?- Meaning,
0:15:40 > 0:15:44the compression of the mediastinum is compromising your cardiac output, leading to circulatory collapse,
0:15:44 > 0:15:47which means you're slowly suffocating to death.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52So, you could wait for a "real" doctor, but it's touch and go whether you'll live that long.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54It's your choice, "mate".
0:15:56 > 0:15:59I know it's only early days in our relationship,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02but I just can't bear the thought of that time apart.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03So what do you say?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Oh, Heston, I'd love to.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09'It sounds divine.'
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Yes! Fantastic!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Local ingredients in my masterful hands
0:16:13 > 0:16:17will rid you of your desire for bland British cuisine.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I'm warning you, Heston. Don't try and change me, OK?
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Besides, I've got other plans for your masterful hands.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25SHE CHUCKLES
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I can't wait to find out what they are.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32OK, dispatch your passport details post haste and I will book the flights!
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Ciao, Bella.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Try not to touch his chest.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Antiseptic wipes to clean the site...
0:16:41 > 0:16:44catheter, knife. We can't stitch the wound so we'll have to tape it.
0:16:44 > 0:16:48- I need you to assist me. - What about Jimmi?- He's got an open wound. We can't risk it.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51You want me to inset a chest drain in the middle of a woods?
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- I have every faith in you.- NOW you have faith in me, when it suits you?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Kevin, I never doubted your skills as a doctor.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59If you don't know that,
0:16:59 > 0:17:03then I'll take the wrap, because it was my job, as your mentor, to let you know.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06A pat on the back wouldn't have gone amiss.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10- Well, you better believe it because we need to do this.- OK. - Are you all set?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- Yeah, I'm not sure.- Don't be stupid.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I'm hardly the guy you want next to you in a crisis. What if something goes wrong?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18What will go wrong?
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Well, let's see.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Haemorrhage, re-expansion, pulmonary oedema, drain blockage,
0:17:23 > 0:17:25cardiac tamponade, not to mention infection.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Top marks for bedside manner - very reassuring.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31He's tachycardic and he looks hypoxic. We haven't got long.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43RINGING TONE
0:17:43 > 0:17:45'Hey.'
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Hey.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- 'You called.'- Yeah, couldn't find the, er, TV presser. I found it now.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Make yourself at home(!)
0:17:52 > 0:17:53'Is that a problem?'
0:17:53 > 0:17:55No, be my guest.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58I will be home in about an hour.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Shall I get some food?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Not curry. I've got a ring of fire after last night.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Very sexy.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07I'll see you later.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Tarra.
0:18:11 > 0:18:16The mid clavicular line is located midway between the midsternal and the axillary lines.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17I've gone blank.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21- Oh...great(!)- Palpate downwards until you feel the third rib.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25The second intercostal space is directly above.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28OK, got it. Hold his shoulders.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30You know, I would, mate.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- You would what?- I, I would want you next to me in a crisis.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35In fact, I've been meaning to do this for ages -
0:18:35 > 0:18:38will you do me the honour of being my best man?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- I don't know what to say! - Excuse me!
0:18:41 > 0:18:44Do you mind concentrating on the job in hand?
0:18:44 > 0:18:45I'd be proud to.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49- Are you ready?- Ready.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Screw this up, I'll sue you for every penny you've got.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55HE CRIES OUT
0:18:57 > 0:18:59LOUD SCREAM
0:19:03 > 0:19:05You all right? All right?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09That's it. Steady, steady...
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Guys, it hasn't worked.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22- He's losing consciousness, guys. - Give it to me. Give it to me.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23OK...
0:19:28 > 0:19:31HE INHALES SHARPLY
0:19:32 > 0:19:35He's pinking up. He's less tachycardic.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- You did it!- WE did it.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40So can you improvise a stretcher, please?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Camouflage netting?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Yeah, come on, I'll give you a hand.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47- You OK?- Yeah, I'm buzzing.
0:19:47 > 0:19:52- The reason why I became a doctor. - I never doubted you.- You said that with a straight face.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56- I never doubted you as a physician. - You just thought I was a murderer.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59- Kevin...- No. No. My girlfriend gets brutally murdered,
0:19:59 > 0:20:00no sympathy.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03I get banged up as the perpetrator.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07My mum... My mum has bricks thrown through her window.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Sorry, mate, I didn't know.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- Yeah, well, no worries, I'll be out of your hair anytime soon.- Oh, get over yourself.
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Why do you think Julia went to all the bother of organising this charade?
0:20:17 > 0:20:21- You tell me? - I don't have to. You just showed me.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25You are not going anywhere. When we get back, you'll tell Julia you're staying.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Why? Because you say so?
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Yes. Because I need to become a better mentor, all right?
0:20:30 > 0:20:34NOW one of you is a murderer. It gets better and better(!)
0:20:34 > 0:20:38Don't worry. He only murders people he doesn't like.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Hey, watch where you're going. Precious cargo.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Need any dirty jokes for your best man's speech?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47No, he doesn't!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49That's if I ever get to the altar.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Three, two, one, down. Have some rest.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55Mate, the wedding's February. Don't say you've got cold feet already?
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Cherry will go ballistic when she finds out the house has fallen through.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00She might call the whole thing off.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Do you guys ever shut up?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05It's like Dear Deidre.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09That, or I've died and woken up in the middle of a bad soap opera.
0:21:09 > 0:21:14Why don't you sell it to Daniel? He needs to upsize and it'll get that Lisa off his back.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19That's a surprisingly good idea. Coming from you.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Three, two, one,
0:21:21 > 0:21:23lift.
0:21:23 > 0:21:28- Hey! There's an ambulance on the way to Base Camp.- Good.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- What was that!? - They're about to cross the finish.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I've a grand riding on this.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14They saved your life.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18They were doing their job! Now, I'm doing mine,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21which is, turning every opportunity into a profit...
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Aghhh! What... What did you do that for?!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- Because you're a tit. - We can still win.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31Last chance, Oliver. Shoot him.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Go on, impress me.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39I like your style... If, if only you were more of a team player.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42I don't want to be on your team.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Shoot me.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Go on!
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Else we'll win.
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Thanks.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03MAN GROANS
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Hiya.- Hey.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15I'll just put these in the kitchen, shall I?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17'Fish and chips do you?
0:23:17 > 0:23:20'Erm, I got some sea bass. I just fancied a change.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Ah, change of plan. Gavin rang. I'm off down the Fat Badger.
0:23:29 > 0:23:30What's the problem?
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Nothing.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Well, I just bought food. So... Shove up.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Well, the least you could do is eat it.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45Chill, babe. You're starting to sound like a girlfriend.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49I just thought it might be nice to spend some time together while were not...
0:23:49 > 0:23:51you know.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Now you definitely sound like a girlfriend.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Would that be such a bad thing?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01I'm not just some sex toy, you know?
0:24:01 > 0:24:06Well, that's rich, coming from the woman who coined the phrase "buddies with benefits."
0:24:06 > 0:24:08I thought we had an arrangement?
0:24:08 > 0:24:12Yeah, well, it's all starting to feel a bit...immature.
0:24:12 > 0:24:17- A bit late to start moving the goal posts.- Never too old to change.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Have you swallowed a biological clock, or something?
0:24:20 > 0:24:25- Now you're just being offensive. - I am not. I'm just winding you up, you know I am.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Look, feminist with a sense of humour.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30That's what's great about you.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Listen...
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Bobby...
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Are you falling for me?
0:24:46 > 0:24:51I like spending time with you. Even when we're not having sex.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Is there something wrong with that?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58No. It's cool.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04It's just, I don't see you as... you know...
0:25:05 > 0:25:07Girlfriend material.
0:25:08 > 0:25:10Thanks a bunch.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11I see you as a mate.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- With a great pair of... - Do you want to stop?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17We have fun. Why ruin it?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Because it doesn't feel fun any more.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23In fact, it feels sordid.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24I'm sorry.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I really am.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32But if you're looking for something more...substantial,
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- you've got the wrong bloke. - Don't go. I...
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Freya. It's not going to work.
0:25:38 > 0:25:39You're just...
0:25:41 > 0:25:42What?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46What?
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Lonely.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52PHONE RINGS
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Yo. Hang on a sec.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00We've had a laugh, hey?
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Take care of yourself.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Yeah, mate, Fat Badger.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Early doors. Mine's a pint.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22All right, boys. Pub?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Pub.- Ah, no, I need to find an estate agent.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Sorted, you've got a buyer.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Didn't think you were serious.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Listen. I need to upsize. I've got a cash deposit and no chain.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- Zara?- I'll make it a surprise. She can do without the hassle.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Trust me. - Despite all outward appearances,
0:26:38 > 0:26:40you make a fine team.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Thanks.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46- THEY LAUGH - I could have done with you in Basra.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54THEY CHEER
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- ALL:- Champions, champions, champions!
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Cowards! I'll slit your throats!
0:27:07 > 0:27:08What's going on, Jimmi?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11OK. I've got some bad news and some good news.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12What?
0:27:12 > 0:27:15You've been married before, Heston?
0:27:15 > 0:27:16- Yes. - And what went wrong with that?
0:27:16 > 0:27:20- Ian!- It's a valid question. Was it his fault or hers?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22So far, this conman seems to be targeting older men
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- living on their own. - I'll be careful.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:40 > 0:27:44E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk