No Secret So Close

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0:00:25 > 0:00:29MUSIC: "White Winter Hymnal" by Fleet Foxes

0:00:41 > 0:00:44- Thanks for your help. - Thank you.- Take care.

0:00:44 > 0:00:46No disasters so far?

0:00:46 > 0:00:48Why would there be?

0:00:48 > 0:00:50Well, without Zara snapping at your heels.

0:00:50 > 0:00:53- I don't need stabilisers, thank you!- Ooh!

0:00:53 > 0:00:57Dr Tyler, erm, Julia just rang, she needs you over at the Mill pronto.

0:00:57 > 0:01:01- What have I done now? - There speaks a guilty conscience.

0:01:01 > 0:01:04- No. I'm busy. - Oh, I think Freya can manage.

0:01:04 > 0:01:10Yeah, of course I can. You go and see Julia. Violet Gray?

0:01:10 > 0:01:13- After you. - Go on, Doctor Tyler. Chop chop.

0:01:19 > 0:01:23HUMS TO HERSELF

0:01:23 > 0:01:31Soap dish, bathroom? Used to keep earrings in it, so bedroom.

0:01:31 > 0:01:34Hmm! HUMMING CONTINUES

0:01:39 > 0:01:42'She's turned packing into an art form.'

0:01:42 > 0:01:46Every object's colour coded or labelled. It's organisation heaven.

0:01:46 > 0:01:50Ha! I'm surprised you're not over there making sure the boxes have hospital corners.

0:01:50 > 0:01:54- She won't let me, she says it'll take too long if I help.- OK, so...

0:01:54 > 0:01:58I'm going to go round and read my meter at 1400 hours,

0:01:58 > 0:02:02my removal van leaves 15 minutes later, ETA your place 1500 hours,

0:02:02 > 0:02:05during which time I'll give my tenant the new key,

0:02:05 > 0:02:11- you move OUT at 1430.- Are you sure Zara's going to be OK with this?

0:02:11 > 0:02:13Yeah, trust me.

0:02:13 > 0:02:16I have added Mr Brown to your house calls.

0:02:16 > 0:02:21- OK, thanks, I'll be along in a sec. ..See you on the front line.- Yes.

0:02:22 > 0:02:27- What's this?- Details for my move. - That's what your phone's for, mate. - Just the man I'm looking for.

0:02:27 > 0:02:32- I didn't do it.- Julia wants you to take a sexual health awareness stand to the student union.- Oh!

0:02:32 > 0:02:36- An important part of student health. - They're going home for Christmas!

0:02:36 > 0:02:38All the more reason to educate them

0:02:38 > 0:02:40- before they're...- Oops! - Been on the sherry?

0:02:40 > 0:02:45Festivities started early? Joke! Though, you do look a bit peaky.

0:02:45 > 0:02:46I haven't eaten yet!

0:02:46 > 0:02:49- I'm fine.- Glad to hear it.

0:02:52 > 0:02:54Yes?

0:02:59 > 0:03:02- How about we do a deal? - What do you mean?

0:03:02 > 0:03:05If I tell Freya Julia wants her to do this stall and you back me up...

0:03:05 > 0:03:09- Mmhm?- ..I'll set up your phone so you synchronise everything.

0:03:09 > 0:03:11That way nothing can go wrong.

0:03:12 > 0:03:15I've taught you well.

0:03:15 > 0:03:17Nice!

0:03:25 > 0:03:27PANICKED BREATHING

0:03:33 > 0:03:35SHE SIGHS

0:03:49 > 0:03:53Oh, hello, er, I'd like to make an appointment, please.

0:03:53 > 0:03:55Elaine Cassidy.

0:03:58 > 0:04:02Today?! I wasn't expecting...

0:04:02 > 0:04:04No, no, that's good. KNOCK ON DOOR

0:04:04 > 0:04:06Come in!

0:04:06 > 0:04:11- Could I have a word?- One minute. No, that's fine, I'll be there.

0:04:11 > 0:04:12Thank you.

0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. - It's OK.

0:04:15 > 0:04:21Could you give me some advice on, erm, anger management?

0:04:21 > 0:04:24- Is someone winding you up? - It's not me, it's for a patient.

0:04:24 > 0:04:26Could we do it later?

0:04:26 > 0:04:30- I've got loads to do and now I've got an appointment to go to.- Sure, yeah.

0:04:30 > 0:04:32- See you later.- OK.

0:04:38 > 0:04:41# Frosty the snowman... # < DOOR OPENS

0:04:41 > 0:04:43SHE HUMS TO HERSELF

0:04:47 > 0:04:51Ah, good thinking! I've packed the kettle.

0:04:51 > 0:04:54- Aren't you supposed to be at work? - House calls.

0:04:54 > 0:04:56This is a house.

0:04:56 > 0:05:00Hmm! I can't believe how long all this packing stuff takes.

0:05:00 > 0:05:02- Yeah, well, if you'd let me help you.- If I don't pack myself,

0:05:02 > 0:05:06I won't remember where I put it and won't find it at the other end.

0:05:06 > 0:05:09Well, no-one remembers everything.

0:05:09 > 0:05:13- If I pack a box, I remember exactly what's gone in each box. - If you say so.

0:05:13 > 0:05:16Try me.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22That one?

0:05:22 > 0:05:2512 forks, 12 knives, soup spoons.

0:05:27 > 0:05:30- That one over there?- DVDs. - Ah, yeah, but what DVDs?

0:05:30 > 0:05:33In alphabetical order...

0:05:33 > 0:05:36Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, Love Actually,

0:05:36 > 0:05:39My Best Friend's Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding,

0:05:39 > 0:05:42Notting Hill, Sleepless in Seattle, There's Something About Mary...

0:05:42 > 0:05:45OK, I believe you! Maybe I should patent you!

0:05:45 > 0:05:47Let me get on or we'll never get there.

0:05:47 > 0:05:51- I can't believe how smooth it's going.- Ssh! Don't jinx it!

0:05:51 > 0:05:54Hmm!

0:05:54 > 0:05:57SHE HUMS "Frosty the Snowman"

0:06:00 > 0:06:05- Is that it? - For now. But they're like buses, there'll be ten along in a minute.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08- Better get a coffee now, then. Do you want one?- Oh, no, ta.

0:06:08 > 0:06:11Julia wants you to take this over to the union

0:06:11 > 0:06:17and man a sexual awareness stall, or should I say "woman" a sexual awareness stall?

0:06:17 > 0:06:21- And you expect me to fall for that? - She thought a women's touch will be better.

0:06:21 > 0:06:25No, what happened is she asked you, you didn't want to do it,

0:06:25 > 0:06:29you know Zara's not here today, so you thought you could shimmy it along to me.

0:06:29 > 0:06:33You can ask Julia if you want, but she's in a bad mood, but if you feel the need.

0:06:33 > 0:06:38- Ooh, Julia's moods are legend! - Come on, she asked him, it's obvious.

0:06:38 > 0:06:42- Ask Daniel, he was a witness.- Little boys aren't going to stick together?

0:06:42 > 0:06:46- It makes sense that Julia would prefer a woman's touch. - I don't think she liked my jokes.

0:06:46 > 0:06:49What's worse than lobsters on your piano?

0:06:51 > 0:06:53Crabs on your organ!

0:06:57 > 0:06:59Must be a boy's joke.

0:06:59 > 0:07:01Yeah, I think Julia's got a point.

0:07:01 > 0:07:06This is definitely not a job for little boys.

0:07:55 > 0:07:58MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:08:00 > 0:08:02Hello?

0:08:04 > 0:08:05What?!

0:08:07 > 0:08:09Are you serious?!

0:08:13 > 0:08:16Oh! It's all right, I'm a doctor.

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Thanks for helping!

0:08:25 > 0:08:29- Good to see you again. - I'm sorry I haven't kept my regular appointments.

0:08:29 > 0:08:32Theoretically, it's a good sign.

0:08:32 > 0:08:36- Theoretically?- If clients genuinely don't feel the need to see me,

0:08:36 > 0:08:38that suggests they're coping.

0:08:38 > 0:08:42Exactly! Well, since my holiday, I've felt so much better.

0:08:42 > 0:08:43So you said.

0:08:44 > 0:08:48- Managing to keep off the sleeping tablets?- Yes.

0:08:48 > 0:08:51- And how are you doing at work? - Really well.

0:08:53 > 0:08:57Good. So I assume you're here to draw our sessions to a halt?

0:08:58 > 0:09:00Am I?

0:09:00 > 0:09:05Well, you're off the tablets, you're coping with work, you don't need me.

0:09:05 > 0:09:09- But..- And even if none of the above was true,

0:09:09 > 0:09:12then the lack of honesty that would imply

0:09:12 > 0:09:15suggests it isn't working anyway.

0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Right.- So, either way,

0:09:21 > 0:09:25I don't think we should carry on, do you,

0:09:25 > 0:09:27at least for a while.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37'Hi, this is Cherry, leave a message. Bye!'

0:09:38 > 0:09:42Cherry, when you get this, phone me, it's urgent.

0:09:44 > 0:09:48Well, goodbye, then.

0:09:48 > 0:09:50Thanks for coming.

0:09:50 > 0:09:53I'll be in touch.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55Fine, but not too soon.

0:09:55 > 0:09:59Erm, when therapy is finished, it's a good idea to give it time

0:09:59 > 0:10:02to be sure a dependency hasn't developed.

0:10:02 > 0:10:04But...

0:10:04 > 0:10:05But?

0:10:07 > 0:10:09Thanks.

0:10:09 > 0:10:11No problem.

0:10:11 > 0:10:16- How long should I leave it? - It's your call.

0:10:18 > 0:10:19Right.

0:10:42 > 0:10:44Hiya.

0:10:46 > 0:10:47Erm, do you want something?

0:10:47 > 0:10:51It, it's OK. You don't have to be embarrassed.

0:10:51 > 0:10:53Erm, if you don't want to talk to me here,

0:10:53 > 0:10:58you could book an appointment at the campus surgery. I'm a doctor.

0:10:58 > 0:11:02- Doctor Foster.- Are you OK? - Can you smell something?

0:11:02 > 0:11:05- Like what?- A fox.

0:11:05 > 0:11:06No.

0:11:06 > 0:11:11I see them here sometimes, playing, the cubs like biting each other.

0:11:11 > 0:11:14I don't think they're likely to come in here.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17They have a really pungent smell.

0:11:17 > 0:11:20OK, why don't we sit down for a minute? Yeah?

0:11:20 > 0:11:23Come on. Just take a seat.

0:11:24 > 0:11:26There you go.

0:11:29 > 0:11:32I'll just take... OK, OK.

0:11:32 > 0:11:35I'm just going to take a look at you, all right?

0:11:38 > 0:11:41Yeah, that's a really good idea. We can paint the shells gold.

0:11:41 > 0:11:45Ah, no, sorry, Mum, I don't like sugared almonds, they're predictable.

0:11:47 > 0:11:49Why does SHE want to come?

0:11:49 > 0:11:52I've only met her once. I'm sure she doesn't like me.

0:11:52 > 0:11:55Well, that's everything.

0:11:55 > 0:11:58I can't believe that this is actually happening.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00Yeah, you can come round when we've moved in properly.

0:12:00 > 0:12:02You'll love the garden.

0:12:03 > 0:12:06How about you just tell me your name?

0:12:07 > 0:12:09Are you a student here?

0:12:11 > 0:12:15Is there anyone that I can ring for you?

0:12:15 > 0:12:17Have you got a mo...?

0:12:20 > 0:12:23Listen, darling, I just want to help you.

0:12:23 > 0:12:25I don't know how it got in.

0:12:25 > 0:12:29But it was moving around chasing, chasing its tail.

0:12:29 > 0:12:31OK.

0:12:31 > 0:12:36I really think that we need to get you to the surgery.

0:12:36 > 0:12:38It's OK.

0:12:38 > 0:12:40I'm just going to help you.

0:12:40 > 0:12:43Dr Foster went to Gloucester,

0:12:43 > 0:12:45stepped in a puddle right up to his middle.

0:12:45 > 0:12:48Ssh.

0:12:48 > 0:12:54All right, let's try standing up. OK? It's all right.

0:12:54 > 0:12:57Come on. That's it.

0:12:57 > 0:13:00Come on, darling.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03Take it easy.

0:13:03 > 0:13:07If the drape man doesn't get back to me soon, I'll cancel and go somewhere else.

0:13:07 > 0:13:08He can always...

0:13:08 > 0:13:09Where's the van?

0:13:09 > 0:13:11It's gone.

0:13:11 > 0:13:12Well, we better catch them.

0:13:12 > 0:13:14- What? - We better get over there.

0:13:14 > 0:13:17Er, Mum, I'll call you back. OK, speak to you later.

0:13:17 > 0:13:18- We need to catch the van. - Why?

0:13:18 > 0:13:21They've had to postpone things.

0:13:21 > 0:13:23Postpone? I, I, I, I don't understand.

0:13:23 > 0:13:27- The vendors, they can't sell us their house just yet.- They can. We've bought it, it's our house.

0:13:27 > 0:13:30We don't actually buy until we exchange the contracts.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32But we agreed the date.

0:13:32 > 0:13:35The wife has been rushed into hospital, they were moving to the US.

0:13:35 > 0:13:39He's not going to have nowhere to live over Christmas. They won't exchange.

0:13:39 > 0:13:43- But...- I'm sorry, we're moving in January.- You jinxed it.

0:13:43 > 0:13:46His wife is seriously ill, I didn't have anything to do with that.

0:13:46 > 0:13:50- What are we going to do? All our stuff!- Daniel! Daniel's stuff.

0:13:50 > 0:13:53He's going to be here soon, I'd better let him know.

0:13:53 > 0:13:56- I can't believe this is happening. - Why is everyone always on their phone?!

0:13:56 > 0:13:59Daniel and Zara's stuff is going to be arrive soon,

0:13:59 > 0:14:01so I'm going to have to stop them.

0:14:01 > 0:14:03You stay here, don't go anywhere.

0:14:03 > 0:14:05Where exactly am I going to go?

0:14:05 > 0:14:09I'm sorry. We'll sort it. At least we've got a roof over our heads.

0:14:13 > 0:14:16Not long now. You're doing really well.

0:14:18 > 0:14:19Do you want to tell me your name?

0:14:21 > 0:14:25Look, at least let me take your bag for you.

0:14:25 > 0:14:26It's OK!

0:14:37 > 0:14:38What have you done?

0:14:41 > 0:14:43I'll have to ask Doctor Carter.

0:14:43 > 0:14:45If Heston could cover afternoon surgery,

0:14:45 > 0:14:48I can't leave here until I've handed the key over.

0:14:48 > 0:14:51OK. Thanks.

0:14:51 > 0:14:52Cheers, guys.

0:14:53 > 0:14:55To the second.

0:14:58 > 0:15:00OK, now he's officially late.

0:15:08 > 0:15:10Come on.

0:15:14 > 0:15:17- Oh, hello, Crystal. - D'you know her?

0:15:17 > 0:15:24- Yeah, she's a patient.- Um, can you look after her, then, please? Don't let her out of your sight.

0:15:24 > 0:15:27OK. ..It's all right, love. Come on, this way.

0:15:27 > 0:15:29We'll go in here.

0:15:29 > 0:15:31What's going on?

0:15:33 > 0:15:35We need to call the police now.

0:15:43 > 0:15:45What's in the bag?

0:15:45 > 0:15:48You don't want to know, um...

0:15:48 > 0:15:51- Gav, it's a... - Hey, hey, it's OK.

0:15:53 > 0:15:54Pull up her notes.

0:16:02 > 0:16:03Oh, my...

0:16:08 > 0:16:10And you took this off Crystal?

0:16:14 > 0:16:16I think we need to call the police.

0:16:16 > 0:16:19Let's see if we can find out what happened here first.

0:16:19 > 0:16:22- I would have thought that was obvious.- It might not be.

0:16:22 > 0:16:25What could be clearer than a dead baby?

0:16:25 > 0:16:29- We don't even know whose baby it is. - Oh, yeah we do.

0:16:29 > 0:16:31Crystal last came in here six months ago

0:16:31 > 0:16:34asking for the morning-after pill. I'm phoning the police.

0:16:34 > 0:16:36Erm, she's, er, bleeding.

0:16:41 > 0:16:45Would now be a good time to talk about what I was talking about?

0:16:45 > 0:16:48- When I said it was a patient, I meant...- Not now, Heston!

0:16:48 > 0:16:50I just need to do something.

0:16:50 > 0:16:53- Yeah, I'll come back later. - Good idea.

0:16:53 > 0:16:58Dr Granger is busy with his move and will not be back for afternoon surgery.

0:16:58 > 0:17:01There are patients out there that need attention!

0:17:01 > 0:17:04Why did he not book his afternoon off, like Doctor Clay?

0:17:04 > 0:17:09- I have booked this afternoon off so I can get my paperwork done.- OK, OK.

0:17:09 > 0:17:11You get on with your paperwork and, Mrs Tembe,

0:17:11 > 0:17:15let's see what imaginative ailments present themselves this afternoon.

0:17:24 > 0:17:29It's all right, you're all right. Crystal's such a lovey name.

0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Crystal Henshaw. - Henshaw, that's right, I remember.

0:17:33 > 0:17:36Er, OK, Crystal, the bleeding has stopped,

0:17:36 > 0:17:40there's nothing more we can do for you until we get you to the hospital.

0:17:40 > 0:17:43- Have you called an ambulance? - Yeah, it's on its way.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45As you know, you delivered a baby.

0:17:46 > 0:17:50- Crystal? - Oh, a miscarriage, was it?

0:17:50 > 0:17:52No.

0:17:52 > 0:17:54Was it last night?

0:17:54 > 0:17:58Do you remember having the baby last night, Crystal?

0:17:58 > 0:18:01I remember my room, the smell of foxes.

0:18:01 > 0:18:05She keeps talking about foxes, has she taken something?

0:18:05 > 0:18:07Gnawing and gnawing.

0:18:09 > 0:18:11Did you know you were pregnant?

0:18:11 > 0:18:15I couldn't make it stop, it was hurting me.

0:18:15 > 0:18:17Oh, so you knew you were in labour?

0:18:17 > 0:18:21Foxes bite, they nip and bite, all the time, nip and bite.

0:18:21 > 0:18:25The sooner you face up to this, the sooner we can help you.

0:18:25 > 0:18:28Aren't you being a bit harsh?

0:18:28 > 0:18:30We found a knife.

0:18:31 > 0:18:33The baby's...

0:18:33 > 0:18:35FLEET FOXES: # I was following the

0:18:35 > 0:18:39# I was following the I was following the

0:18:39 > 0:18:42# I was following the... # HE SIGHS

0:18:42 > 0:18:44OK, then, little one...

0:18:45 > 0:18:48Erm, the ambulance's on its way,

0:18:48 > 0:18:51and the police said they'll meet us at the hospital.

0:18:51 > 0:18:54It's a boy.

0:18:54 > 0:18:58- Why did she kill him?! - I don't think she did.

0:18:58 > 0:19:00But the, the knife?

0:19:00 > 0:19:04Probably just to cut the cord. There were no wound marks.

0:19:04 > 0:19:06Post mortem will tell us for sure, but...

0:19:06 > 0:19:09it's most likely this little one died

0:19:09 > 0:19:13- cos the cord got caught round its neck.- But then, why hide the baby?

0:19:13 > 0:19:16You've heard of puerperal psychosis?

0:19:16 > 0:19:19It can be triggered by a trauma.

0:19:19 > 0:19:23What could be more traumatic than delivering your own dead baby?

0:19:23 > 0:19:27So much for prenatal care.

0:19:27 > 0:19:29Maybe she didn't know she was pregnant.

0:19:29 > 0:19:32She came in for the morning-after pill. I think she had a good idea.

0:19:32 > 0:19:38Maybe she thought it worked or she's been in serious denial. I mean...

0:19:38 > 0:19:41How do you cope with something like this?

0:19:45 > 0:19:49- What are you doing? - We're wasting time.

0:19:52 > 0:19:57- Anyone we can call? A friend we can get in touch with?- Friend?

0:19:57 > 0:20:02Was anyone with you last night? Like the baby's father?

0:20:02 > 0:20:06- Father?- Oh, sweetheart, were you on your own?

0:20:10 > 0:20:14One minute, she makes no sense at all, then the next, she comes back to Earth.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18Hiya. Erm...

0:20:21 > 0:20:26..it's a boy. I thought, I thought you might want to hold him.

0:20:26 > 0:20:30- Is this a good idea? - Just give it a minute.

0:20:30 > 0:20:34I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do.

0:20:34 > 0:20:38I just thought that you might like to hold him.

0:20:38 > 0:20:40Him?

0:20:40 > 0:20:42It's a little boy.

0:20:44 > 0:20:46I thought...

0:20:46 > 0:20:52I thought it might help you talk about...what happened last night?

0:20:52 > 0:20:54You, you must've been in a lot of pain.

0:20:56 > 0:21:02Noise, I remember the noise outside, er, the pain.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04It must've been really frightening.

0:21:04 > 0:21:08I could hear things in my head, making my stomach hurt.

0:21:08 > 0:21:14There's a noise outside, people laughing, I couldn't sleep,

0:21:14 > 0:21:17the smell of foxes, the pain.

0:21:19 > 0:21:20And after the pain?

0:21:20 > 0:21:22- After?- Yeah.

0:21:22 > 0:21:26When it stopped hurting, do you remember that?

0:21:26 > 0:21:29Do you remember what happened then?

0:21:31 > 0:21:36There was this thing, a tiny little cub, hardly big enough...

0:21:38 > 0:21:42It didn't make sense, but I wanted to keep it.

0:21:44 > 0:21:47But not here.

0:21:47 > 0:21:51I have to take you somewhere safe.

0:21:51 > 0:21:55No-one must take you away, I have to keep you safe.

0:21:56 > 0:21:59It's OK.

0:21:59 > 0:22:02You just hold him and say goodbye, OK?

0:22:02 > 0:22:06There is absolutely nothing that you could have done.

0:22:06 > 0:22:10SHE SOBS

0:22:28 > 0:22:32- I just jumped to conclusions. - You still looked after her.

0:22:32 > 0:22:36- Did what needed doing.- Yeah, but I shouldn't have judged her.

0:22:37 > 0:22:42- It must've been a shock.- She was exhibiting all the classic symptoms,

0:22:42 > 0:22:45and I just go and jump off the deep end again.

0:22:45 > 0:22:49- Easily done.- No... You spotted it straight away.

0:22:49 > 0:22:52It was easier for me. You'd been on the front line,

0:22:52 > 0:22:56looking after a distressed woman and then finding the baby.

0:22:56 > 0:22:58Zara is going to roast me alive.

0:23:01 > 0:23:06She only needs to know the facts, that you did a good job.

0:23:08 > 0:23:09You are going soft.

0:23:15 > 0:23:18Come on, the police are expecting us.

0:23:18 > 0:23:20I'd forgotten about them.

0:23:20 > 0:23:23- I'll drive.- Oh, I'm perfectly capable of driv...

0:23:26 > 0:23:27Thank you.

0:23:31 > 0:23:34Thank you. OK.

0:23:38 > 0:23:40You should be at your house. What's going on?

0:23:40 > 0:23:43- Get the key back.- What? - You can't let Zara's house.

0:23:43 > 0:23:47It's a done deal. Would you calm down and tell me what's wrong?

0:23:47 > 0:23:52- Stop stressing me out and tell me what's going on. - We can't buy our house.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54My stuff is arriving at your house now.

0:23:54 > 0:23:59- The sale's fallen through, you have to stay here.- I can't stay here. - Our vendor's pulled out.- What? Why?

0:23:59 > 0:24:03- This isn't real, this is not happening!- Er, it's real!

0:24:03 > 0:24:06OK, what we going to do about it?

0:24:07 > 0:24:10HE SIGHS

0:24:10 > 0:24:14OK, fine! You can stay with us for Christmas.

0:24:14 > 0:24:17- With you?- No-one should be homeless at Christmas.

0:24:17 > 0:24:20But you're the one with a tenant moved in, aren't you?

0:24:20 > 0:24:22- You're the one with no house? - Since when?- Ha...

0:24:22 > 0:24:24Since you sold us your house.

0:24:24 > 0:24:27We haven't moved out yet, so we haven't completed.

0:24:27 > 0:24:31- That's splitting hairs. - Call it what you want. At this moment, it's still my house.

0:24:31 > 0:24:36- A man's word must count for something.- So do squatter's rights! - You're not serious?

0:24:36 > 0:24:40- Possession is nine tenths of the law.- I've got a pregnant girlfriend!

0:24:40 > 0:24:44- I've got a seriously neurotic girlfriend who won't take to being homelessness.- Hang on!

0:24:44 > 0:24:48So you're telling me, with Christmas coming and a pregnant girlfriend,

0:24:48 > 0:24:52- there's no room at the inn?- No, no, no, no, no! I'm not saying that.

0:24:52 > 0:24:54All I'm saying is that, technically,

0:24:54 > 0:24:58you'll be staying with us, it's just the other way round.

0:24:58 > 0:25:01- Sometimes, you are a pedantic old... - MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:25:01 > 0:25:04Oh, Cherry! I am so dead!

0:25:07 > 0:25:10How am I going to tell Zara we're spending Christmas with Pollyanna?

0:25:10 > 0:25:15You think Cherry will enjoy opening her presents with The Grinch peering over her?

0:25:15 > 0:25:18- Oh, boy!- At least there'll be lots of alcohol.

0:25:18 > 0:25:21- Yeah, Zara can't drink. - Well, we can.

0:25:21 > 0:25:25Oh, dear. Cherry talks more when she's drunk.

0:25:25 > 0:25:28Christmas dinner's going to be tough.

0:25:28 > 0:25:30Zara will be ready to carve Cherry up by then.

0:25:30 > 0:25:32Maybe we should never leave them alone, ever.

0:25:32 > 0:25:35- It's going to be hell.- Yep.

0:25:35 > 0:25:38Ready to face the music?

0:25:38 > 0:25:42MUSIC: "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues and Kirsty Maccoll

0:25:42 > 0:25:46- Another pint?- Yes, please. - Yeah, another pint.

0:25:46 > 0:25:48As any doctor worth his salt will tell you...

0:25:48 > 0:25:50Mrs Tembe!

0:25:50 > 0:25:53Mrs Tembe!

0:25:56 > 0:26:01- Oh, my goodness! Is she dead?! - Pulse is slow and steady.

0:26:01 > 0:26:04Call an ambulance. Elaine?

0:26:04 > 0:26:07Elaine.

0:26:07 > 0:26:10Elaine, can you hear me?

0:26:10 > 0:26:11Ambulance, please.

0:26:11 > 0:26:13Elaine?

0:26:17 > 0:26:20Oh, my God! Simmsy!

0:26:20 > 0:26:23Now I understand what it is that attracted Kate to the TA.

0:26:23 > 0:26:26We did get a bit drunk in the mess last night.

0:26:26 > 0:26:28Oh, I remember those.

0:26:28 > 0:26:31I told everyone to wear white blouses and you're wearing red!

0:26:31 > 0:26:34Just think of me as a festive bauble.

0:26:34 > 0:26:38I enjoy discipline, but I prefer dispensing it.

0:26:55 > 0:26:58Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:26:58 > 0:27:01E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk