0:00:35 > 0:00:37All packed and ready to go?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39You're mad, going at this time of year.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42It'll be brill. Who else goes interrailing at Christmas?
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Nobody else is that stupid.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45- You're jealous.- Yeah, right.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46What will you do on Christmas Day?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Anything I like for a change.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52No, actually, I suppose you won't be under orders to enjoy yourself.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54I can be as miserable as I like.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- Yeah, well, you won't be as miserable as we are.- What?
0:00:57 > 0:01:01After all these years, you two don't enjoy the traditional Hollins family Christmas?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04What's not to enjoy? The stress, the rows...
0:01:04 > 0:01:07- The dry turkey.- Inappropriate presents, bad films.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- The boredom. - The endless games of Monopoly.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- The tree falling over on me. - Aunt Ag being a total...
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Mum bursting into tears.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Actually, Jack, I think you've convinced me.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17I'm going to come with you.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19PAN RATTLES
0:01:19 > 0:01:20All right, love?
0:01:20 > 0:01:24I would like everybody round this table, at one o'clock exactly.
0:01:24 > 0:01:25OK?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26What for?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28You'll find out.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- I was going fishing.- I was going back to bed.- I don't care.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32One o'clock. Here.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I've got to get to work.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37What was all that about?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Well, you know your mother...
0:01:39 > 0:01:41it'll be something totally barking.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- Roll on tomorrow. - I'm still going back to bed.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46PHONE RINGS
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Hello?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Oh, hiya! You all right?
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Today?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Oh, well, the thing is...
0:01:56 > 0:01:58No, no, that's no problem.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Be nice to see you.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Are you sure you're up to it?
0:02:02 > 0:02:06Yes, but I don't stand a chance if I can't get the afternoon off.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07It is a very busy time.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Yeah, it's heaving(!)
0:02:11 > 0:02:13I know I'm asking a lot but Jack goes away tomorrow.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17No, it's fine. Family comes first. You can leave at 12.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Yay! Thank you.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21But don't put yourself under any pressure, OK? Just enjoy it.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Far greater women than you have tried and failed.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26There is no shame in it at all.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Well, not this time. It's perfection or bust!
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- What do you think?- Bust. - Absolutely.
0:02:32 > 0:02:33I heard that!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Miss Faisal, I won't keep you a moment.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Karen, if Zara calls can you tell her I'm snowed under?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41You haven't told her about the house.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42I'm surprising her.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44What's the strategy?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I'm going to tell her straight, she'll laugh and...
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- That won't work, will it?- No.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52OK, I've still got a day to sort it. She's back tomorrow, so...
0:02:52 > 0:02:54# Just hear those sleigh bells jinglin'
0:02:54 > 0:02:56# Ring ting a' tinglin' too
0:02:56 > 0:02:58# Ring-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-dong-ding
0:02:58 > 0:03:02# Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you
0:03:02 > 0:03:03# Ring-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-dong-ding
0:03:03 > 0:03:06# Outside the snow is falling and friends are a-calling
0:03:06 > 0:03:07# "Yoo-hoo"
0:03:07 > 0:03:09# Ring-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding-dong-ding
0:03:09 > 0:03:13# Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you... #
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Daniel?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- DOORBELL RINGS - Daniel!
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh, come on, I'm bursting!
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Finally.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Ah, who the hell are you?!
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Karen, I need you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I'm flattered, obviously, but...
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Zara's back - she went to the house, met the tenant, sent me a text.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- Oh, bad.- Yeah, look.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Oh, blimey, that needs an 18 certificate!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43She's coming here. What am I going to do?
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Why are you asking me?
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Well, cos you have a certain grace under pressure.- Do I?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- Yeah, look what you've been through this year.- I'd rather not.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51It's funny you should say that
0:03:51 > 0:03:54cos I'm planning a big thing this afternoon.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56OK, Karen, and back to me.
0:03:56 > 0:04:01OK? Zara - coming here - pair of pliers - my manhood.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Sorry. Well...er...
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Talk it through, work the problem.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09OK. Yeah, yeah, I suppose...
0:04:09 > 0:04:12with a bit more time, I could've talked her round,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14broken it to her gently, you know me.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- You're a very charming man.- Exactly.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I could've convinced her to move to that house,
0:04:18 > 0:04:22but now Jimmi's move's fallen through, we're all spending Christmas together.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Ooh! Cherry's never been Zara's favourite person, has she?
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Yeah, that's a huge understatement.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30She's heavily pregnant, very hormonal,
0:04:30 > 0:04:32which makes her very moody.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34She's not moody normally, is she?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36As far as I can see, you've only got one option.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- Which is?- Run.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Aah!
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Granger!
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Where is he?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- Daniel? - No, the Pope! Of course Daniel!
0:04:48 > 0:04:52- Oh, you just missed him. He's... he's on a house call.- How convenient!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54You knew about this, didn't you?
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Oop!
0:04:58 > 0:05:01# Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock
0:05:01 > 0:05:04# Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring
0:05:04 > 0:05:08# Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun
0:05:08 > 0:05:11# Now the jingle hop has begun
0:05:11 > 0:05:13# Jingle bell, jingle bell... #
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Where the hell is Daniel Granger?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18You know where he is. He's running away from me.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Do you know what's happened to my house? It's full of naked men!
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Where is he? Is he under his desk? Has he got a woman with him?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Has he sold my house? I'm pregnant!
0:05:27 > 0:05:28# What a bright time
0:05:28 > 0:05:30# It's the right time... #
0:05:30 > 0:05:32You must know where he is! You are his mate.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Where is Daniel Granger? Is he in his office, room?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37You seen him, is he under his desk?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Has he got a woman, has he moved out of the...
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Jimmi.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42# Giddy-up, jingle horse
0:05:42 > 0:05:44# Pick up your feet... #
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- HE INHALES DEEPLY - What are you doing?
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Zara's on the warpath.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54She came back early and found a stranger in her house wearing nothing but a towel and a frown.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Mrs Hollins.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03Arthur.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Long time.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06To what do I owe the displeasure?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Aw, don't be like that!
0:06:08 > 0:06:12I was hoping that you might be able to help me.
0:06:12 > 0:06:17Let me stop you there, Mrs Hollins. Surely you're forgetting something.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19The Cumberland sausage incident.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Oh, that!
0:06:21 > 0:06:22There were words spoken.
0:06:22 > 0:06:27Words which suggested to me - and to any innocent bystander -
0:06:27 > 0:06:30that you would no longer be frequenting my shop.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32I thought you were just messing about.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36I believe my phrase was, "Until hell freezes over!"
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Cold day in hell today, is it?
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Can't we put all that behind us, let bygones be bygones,
0:06:42 > 0:06:44especially at this time of year?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46You want a turkey then?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Not just any old turkey, Arthur.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52I want what only you can provide.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53Organic.
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Hand-reared, locally produced, lovingly prepared.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01I want...the best turkey in Letherbridge.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Sorry, can't help you.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05What?
0:07:05 > 0:07:09What makes you think I can provide such a bird at short notice?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11You run a butchers, Arthur.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14For discerning and sensitive clientele.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18They come to me in spring and place their orders.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20They know their turkey's name.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22They visit it on the farm.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23I don't have time to...
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Then you have to make time.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I understand supermarkets stock turkeys.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Perhaps you should try one of them.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I'm prepared to pay.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Over the odds.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42Are you attempting to bribe me, Mrs Hollins?
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Yeah.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44I see.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48In that case... I might be able to help you.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Oh! SHE LAUGHS
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Erm...I said a turkey, not a beach ball!
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Do you want it or not?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59How much?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Since it's you...£100.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- RATTLING - (She's here!)- (Did you lock it?) - (Think so.)
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Going somewhere?
0:08:18 > 0:08:22SHE HUMS JINGLE BELLS
0:08:22 > 0:08:25RADIO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
0:08:30 > 0:08:31What's going on?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- Who's that turkey for?- Us.- What?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Happy Christmas, everybody!
0:08:35 > 0:08:37It's not till next week, love.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39No, it's today!
0:08:39 > 0:08:40What you on about, Mum?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43There's no way we're not going to have Christmas together.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- With him going away tomorrow, it's got to be today.- You're not serious?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49I am! I've got all the shopping,
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I've bought presents,
0:08:51 > 0:08:55I got a tree, I risked my life and pension to get this turkey.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- Karen, there's something I need to tell you.- Aw, not now.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02Rob - tree, Immie - decorations, Jack - wrapping.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07Meanwhile, I am going to rustle up the perfect Christmas dinner.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Nigella eat your heart out!
0:09:10 > 0:09:11- This is nuts!- I know!
0:09:11 > 0:09:13It's a good idea, love, but...
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Aw, no buts!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17See, if we don't do this now,
0:09:17 > 0:09:20it could be the last Christmas we spend together.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23So, this isn't going to be a typical Hollins Christmas.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27This is going to be... the perfect Christmas! Got it?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Got it.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32BANGING AT DOOR Get on with it!
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- No, who's that now?! - I think I might know.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38If that's Brian, you're going to have to tell him to shove off!
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Oh, Auntie Ag!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- Hello!- Karen. Are you all right? You look tired.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48No, I'm fine. What you doing here?
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I couldn't let my favourite boy go travelling
0:09:50 > 0:09:52without seeing him now, could I?
0:09:52 > 0:09:53I did ring.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55I did try and tell you but...
0:09:55 > 0:09:59Oh, well, not that it's not lovely to see you, but we're having...
0:09:59 > 0:10:00Oh, I'm imposing. I am sorry.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03No, no, no, it's just that...
0:10:03 > 0:10:05But I have travelled a long way
0:10:05 > 0:10:06and the trains were murder!
0:10:06 > 0:10:11It's all right, though. I'll go. There's one back in four hours.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15- I'll wait at the station. - No, no, no, you're always welcome.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Do come in.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Only if you're sure? - Absolutely.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Lovely.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Oh, you in the middle of cleaning?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- No, why? - Place looks like a bomb's hit it.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29We don't really know anything.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Don't give me that. You two are always thick as thieves.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- Not this time. - Why don't you talk to Daniel?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I can't find him!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Where has he moved my stuff?
0:10:38 > 0:10:39I don't know.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41He hasn't said anything?
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Well, not in so many words.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45He's probably found somewhere really nice,
0:10:45 > 0:10:47you know, for the baby and everything.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Probably or definitely?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Er definitely, probably...
0:10:52 > 0:10:54found somewhere as a surprise.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55Maybe.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58So this is the surprise?!
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Oh, how lovely(!)
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- I didn't want to give it away. - You just gave it away.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08It's his place to tell her.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12So, now that I know that you obviously do know something,
0:11:12 > 0:11:14you might as well just tell me.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Well, we would if we could.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I'm not asking you, airhead. I'm asking him.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24He's bought you a house as a surprise, OK? Yeah, you happy now?
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Which house? Where? Tell me!
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- We don't know!- Our house!
0:11:33 > 0:11:35He's bought our house.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Your house?
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Sort of, yeah.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Surprise!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Your house!
0:11:46 > 0:11:49- ZARA LAUGHS - OK.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50OK, right!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Fine!
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I was always really happy there.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Oh, good, good.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Good, good, good, good!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Because unfortunately,
0:11:59 > 0:12:03I...I could never be happy in that house, because...
0:12:04 > 0:12:07..because I hate that house!
0:12:07 > 0:12:10That horrible, ugly, squat, parochial,
0:12:10 > 0:12:15suburban, wood-panelled monstrosity of a house!
0:12:16 > 0:12:17It's not that bad!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19It's hideous!
0:12:19 > 0:12:23And he wants me to live there?! Our family? My baby?!
0:12:23 > 0:12:25You can always strip off the panelling.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I am going to strip out his brains!
0:12:27 > 0:12:31The big, fat, stupid...
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Oh!
0:12:33 > 0:12:35Well, that wasn't too bad.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36She just fainted!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Go and get Daniel. This is his mess.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42I always liked the wood panelling.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49# Christmas
0:12:49 > 0:12:51# The snow's coming down
0:12:51 > 0:12:53# Christmas
0:12:53 > 0:12:55# I'm watching it fall
0:12:55 > 0:12:57# Christmas
0:12:57 > 0:12:59# All the people around... #
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Is that a modern colour to celebrate Christmas?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06No, but it matches my mood.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Right, there we go. Finished.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13Tree's too big for this room. It always has been a bit pokey.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Done it.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17Aw, they look lovely, Jack!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Come and sit by me and tell me about your trip.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Oh, you've got tape in your hair! - Have I?- Oh, good, I need that.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Ow! What you doing?!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- Just smartening you up. - Imogen, leave him be.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32He's had enough to cope with lately without you harassing him.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34- Harassing him?!- Yeah.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Turkey's in the oven, veg is sliced, the wine is chilling,
0:13:39 > 0:13:46and here are some delicious nibbles to serve as an appetiser.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Oh, thanks, love. Brilliant. - What do you think?- Mmm. Very good.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52It is hard to get the seasoning just right, isn't it?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I'll leave it, if it's all the same.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00The tree looks lovely, doesn't it?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03It'd look great in Trafalgar Square maybe,
0:14:03 > 0:14:05not in a pokey, little back room in Letherbridge.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07How long will the turkey be?
0:14:07 > 0:14:08A couple of hours.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11It's too big to get in the oven, I had to cut it up.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14Oh, dear. No wonder you're sweaty, love.
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Or is it a hot flush?
0:14:17 > 0:14:18The oven's hot!
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Dry as the Sahara again!
0:14:21 > 0:14:26Never mind, I'm sure it'll be lovely with a slice of your famous gravy.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Right OK, OK. What DVD shall we watch?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I've got The King's Speech.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Oh no, come on. Inception.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35What's that about?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38It's about this gang of people that go into other people's dreams.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42- They're like thieves... - I think you've had enough thieving for one year, don't you?
0:14:42 > 0:14:45If you can't say anything nice...! SMOKE ALARM BLEEPS
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Oooh, never rains but it pours.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Mind me sherry, love!
0:14:51 > 0:14:53What?! No!
0:14:53 > 0:14:55BLEEPING CONTINUES
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Oh, Karen, you've got it on Grill!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00THEY COUGH
0:15:00 > 0:15:01ALARM CUTS OUT
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Bit late to baste it now, then?
0:15:04 > 0:15:07Never mind, it's an easy mistake.
0:15:07 > 0:15:12It isn't easy to get Christmas Day just right, is it?
0:15:12 > 0:15:16That said, me and your mother always managed it, didn't we, Robert?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Maybe it wasn't a good idea doing all this at such short notice.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Oh, shut up!
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Do you think I'm going to be beaten by a dried up, old bird?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25(Ssh, she'll hear you!)
0:15:25 > 0:15:28You three get in there, shove some salty nibbles down her fat neck,
0:15:28 > 0:15:30play some games and enjoy yourselves!
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Give me your wallet. - What are you going to do?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- Get another turkey. - How much is this going to cost?!
0:15:35 > 0:15:37You don't want to know. Excuse me.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Charades?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Have you taken her blood pressure? And the baby?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46The baby's fine.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Mind your backs.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- Oh, what happened? - You fainted. How are you feeling?
0:15:50 > 0:15:55- Zara, give me your arm.- Get away from me, you treacherous harpy!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Well, she's better then(!)
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I just feel a bit...light-headed.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Yeah, you've been out for a while. You gave us quite a scare.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Oh, it's you. What the hell is going on?
0:16:05 > 0:16:06You fainted, babe.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08My house!
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Ah, that.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Yeah, that!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- I can explain. - You'd better, cos Princess Punchface
0:16:13 > 0:16:15and Mr Letherbridge Has Got Talent here,
0:16:15 > 0:16:17tell me you've acquired their atrocious abode!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Yeah, about that...
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Is it any wonder that I am feeling a bit...a bit...
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Oh, em...
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I think she's taking it really well.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33I knew that bird's name, Mrs Hollins.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Did you?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Doris. - Oh, that's a lovely name!
0:16:36 > 0:16:39My mother's and you burnt it!
0:16:41 > 0:16:44Erm, I don't suppose there's any chance...
0:16:44 > 0:16:45No.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49This...this is an emergency.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51I don't care if it's World War Three!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Erm...
0:16:56 > 0:16:59I could make it worth your while.
0:17:03 > 0:17:04I beg your pardon?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09I'm a woman. You're a butcher.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13We could come to an understanding.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I've had some offers in my time.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Arthur, please!
0:17:17 > 0:17:20You don't know what kind of a year I've had.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24My son was attacked by that killer and he was left for dead.
0:17:24 > 0:17:25My daughter...
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Well, it's just been really tough!
0:17:30 > 0:17:32I don't need the violins.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I am a butcher.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37But I'm also human.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I'll let you have Doris's sister, Mabel.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Ah!
0:17:43 > 0:17:44Oh, you are a wonderful man!
0:17:44 > 0:17:46That'll be £120.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50Three fingers.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52You're not very good at this.
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Three syllables.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Pull your skirt down.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57- Skirt?- Do something else.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02PHONE RINGS
0:18:02 > 0:18:06# It's time for mistletoe and holly
0:18:06 > 0:18:10# Fancy ties and granny's pies... #
0:18:10 > 0:18:13How's it going?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I've got another one and I'm on me way back.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17How's it going there?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Two sherries away from all-out war. How long will you be?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- Three syllables.- Ten minutes. Get the oven back on.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26It doesn't matter if we just have supermarket sausages again.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27No way!
0:18:27 > 0:18:29I mean, we've had a few setbacks
0:18:29 > 0:18:32but nothing else could possibly go wrong.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33OK, see you soon, bye.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Saturday Night Fever?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36The Borrowers.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37# As they whisper
0:18:37 > 0:18:44# Merry Christmas to you. #
0:18:44 > 0:18:46And you're back in the room.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47What's going on?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49I'm going to kill you, that's what.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- No, why do you keep fainting? - Have you seen the time?
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Not now, Jim.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- We haven't had any lunch. - Oh, well, boohoo(!)
0:18:56 > 0:18:59I'm just saying, when was the last time you ate something, Zara?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02I had a muffin this morning. Not that it's any of your business.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05OK, Kevin, do us a favour and get Zara a sandwich, please.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- Of course. Any preference? - Anything but turkey.
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Oh, come on, it's Christmas.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Give me a turkey sandwich and I will feed you your own giblets.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14OK, OK.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16- How can you be so stupid? - How can I...?
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- You can't miss a meal at this stage in the pregnancy. - I've had a lot on my mind today!
0:19:20 > 0:19:24You can't let your blood sugar levels get low at this stage cos...
0:19:24 > 0:19:25It's not good for the baby.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Has everyone forgotten I'm a fully qualified GP?!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30My baby and I would be fine
0:19:30 > 0:19:33if it wasn't for the fact that we're under all this undue stress!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- Fair point.- Now then. You. You've screwed things up.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I should expect that by now. Par for the course.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43The question is - what are you going to do about it?
0:19:43 > 0:19:47- Do?- Yes. How are you going to stop us having to live in the pine-panelled coffin?!
0:19:47 > 0:19:48It's solid oak!
0:19:48 > 0:19:52The thing is, you can't get out of it now.
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Right, Daniel?
0:19:54 > 0:19:55What?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Erm...she's right.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59The house is yours.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05I'm sorry but Freya only had turkey and I just thought that you'd...
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Right, that is it. Everybody out!
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Right now! Not so fast, lover boy! And, you, give me that sandwich!
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Mabel?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20I lost her.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22How d'you mean, "You lost her?"
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Let's just say she made a break for freedom.
0:20:25 > 0:20:30I see! In that case there's no further business to be conducted.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Arthur.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Mrs Hollins?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Could I have a couple of pounds of sausages?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39- Turkey? - No, thanks. Gone off turkey.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Any chance of any Cumberlands?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Did I hear that right?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Oh, no.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46You want some of my Cumberlands?
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Please.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53My award-winning, organic, handmade Cumberlands
0:20:53 > 0:20:56that you loudly referred to in front of a packed shop as being,
0:20:56 > 0:20:58"A bit veiny?"
0:20:59 > 0:21:00I was only joking.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I lost over half my custom, thanks to you.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06And for your information, they are not veins.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08They are herbs!
0:21:08 > 0:21:09(Oh!)
0:21:12 > 0:21:13So, can I have any then?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- I could seriously murder you. - I know.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23But...
0:21:24 > 0:21:28..I can see that you were acting with the best of intentions.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30So, do you forgive me?
0:21:31 > 0:21:34After some heavy duty crawling...
0:21:36 > 0:21:37..maybe.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42But I'm never going to forgive the poisoned dwarf and cupboard boy.
0:21:42 > 0:21:43It's not their fault.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46They know how much I hate that house
0:21:46 > 0:21:48and how much I would loathe living there
0:21:48 > 0:21:51and yet they still let you go ahead with it to feather their own nests.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Eat your sandwich.
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Is that you, love?- Hiya.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Where's the turkey?
0:22:15 > 0:22:20Oh, erm, I got supermarket sausages. Family tradition.
0:22:20 > 0:22:25I expect you'll burn them, as well, in the traditional way.
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Absolutely useless.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29No wonder Jack doesn't want to spend the day with you.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Right, that's it!- Karen. - I've had it up to here with her.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Me? What have I done?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Well, that's just it.
0:22:36 > 0:22:40Nothing but make backhanded comments about me and my family.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42If you don't like the way I run this house, get out!
0:22:42 > 0:22:46- Are you going to let her speak to me like that? - It's been a very stressful day.
0:22:46 > 0:22:51Yes, it has. All because of her. And now, you're taking her side. Again!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Of course he's taking my side.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- Why wouldn't he? At least I don't shout and scream at him all the time.- Shut up!
0:22:57 > 0:23:01I've never been spoken to like that in my life.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Auntie Ag, it's OK. She's just tired.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I'm not tired! I just wanted it to be perfect.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09But all you lot have done is bitch and moan and grumble.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- I made paper chains!- Black ones!
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- And I wrapped the presents. - Because I asked you to.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19Other than that, you've just been your usual useless selves.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22It's Christmas. I thought we're supposed to be miserable?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Not this year. I wanted us to be happy.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26Bit of a tall order, that, isn't it, love?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Well, it wasn't until she turned up.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Want to say something about that?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Auntie Ag? Auntie Ag?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Oh, that's just like you.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Make me feel guilty by dying on Christmas Day.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43JACK AND IMOGEN: She hasn't, has she?
0:23:43 > 0:23:47No. She's just passed out, unfortunately.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48Karen.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54I'm going to lie down.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Couldn't you get Cumberlands?
0:24:07 > 0:24:11They are not veins! They are herbs!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13And, no, I haven't got any more turkeys!
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Now, get out of my shop!
0:24:21 > 0:24:22It's gone really quiet.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33Hi, love. Dinner will be served in two minutes.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Are you feeling better?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Have a seat. I'll lay the table.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Immie, I think your mum needs a glass of bubbles.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45- Yes, please.- Right.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49And then, it is present time.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51ALL: Yay!
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Oh, that's fantastic.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- Oh, thank you. That is brilliant. - Come on, your turn.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09I'm hardly going to buy myself something, am I?
0:25:09 > 0:25:13Ah, that's a shame. No matter.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15So, it's just as well that I...
0:25:16 > 0:25:18..planned ahead.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Oh, Rob. Oh.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Oh, wow.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Thank you so much.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30You deserve it.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Oh, I do feel awful.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38I think it was the salt in the canapes.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42- That or a bottle of sherry. - A bit of grub should sort you out.
0:25:42 > 0:25:47But before I dish up - have you got anything to say to Karen?
0:25:47 > 0:25:51- Like what?- Like something nice.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00Don't strain yourself, Ag. There's always next year.
0:26:02 > 0:26:06If I didn't have to work with them every single day,
0:26:06 > 0:26:10I wouldn't care if I never set eyes on either of them ever again.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Ah.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16What's that supposed to mean?
0:26:16 > 0:26:22Well, there is one tiny detail that I haven't told you.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26- Which is?- Which is, erm...
0:26:26 > 0:26:31- You see, well, it's like this... - Oh, come on, out with it.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34What could be worse than spending Christmas in the flatpacked house?
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Well, erm...
0:26:39 > 0:26:41OK, so their chain has fallen through, OK?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43So, in the spirit of Christmas,
0:26:43 > 0:26:48- Jimmi and I thought it would be best if the four of us stay together. - What?
0:26:48 > 0:26:49Just until New Year.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50It'll be fun.
0:26:50 > 0:26:56SHE SCREAMS
0:26:59 > 0:27:01En garde!
0:27:01 > 0:27:05Actually, Mrs Tembe, there's something I want you to do for me.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07What about you, Miss Parsons?
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Looking forward to a proper Christmas?
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- Well, since you've asked, actu... - Oh, sorry. Got to go.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17You see, where I went wrong this morning
0:27:17 > 0:27:20is that I didn't have the right tools for the job.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:40 > 0:27:43E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk