0:00:26 > 0:00:30MUSIC: "White Christmas"
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Oh!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41RADIO PLAYS WHITE CHRISTMAS
0:00:45 > 0:00:47It's quiet upstairs.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48It is.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Quiet in here, too.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55I could turn the radio up?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58No! I'd rather not risk waking her.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Do you want some more toast?
0:01:04 > 0:01:05No.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10BANGING FROM HALL
0:01:10 > 0:01:14If you back out now, I promise not to gloat.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18I may only bake Christmas biscuits - Heston Blumenthal -
0:01:18 > 0:01:19but I bake 'em to die for.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23My lebkuchen are a universally acknowledged triumph.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Oh, you cannot be serious!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29You're going to bring that boring old German fancy
0:01:29 > 0:01:31to the table against my papparkakor?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34"Papparkakor"? I don't believe you.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Take that back. It's a Swedish Christmas biscuit.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Yes I know, but Can't Cook, Won't Cook, and you knock out papparkakor?
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Mmm. White pepper's the secret.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45I'm sure it is.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47En garde!
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Whoa!- You can't stop me.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53That's a cake slice, angel.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55How far are you going to get with a cake slice?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58- Did you get any sleep?!- Did I sleep?
0:01:58 > 0:02:02With a mock baronial cladding mocking me all night? Are you mad?
0:02:02 > 0:02:07That he imagined that I could make my home here defies comprehension.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- I only thought...- Don't think. We know what happens when you think.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14I don't want to be here. Do you have any idea how much I hate this place?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16How much I hate all of you right now?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19- Merry Christmas to you, too(!) - Cherry, please...
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Zara's upset.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23You think this is upset?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27CAKE SLICE CLANGS
0:02:27 > 0:02:30In some countries, bird poo's lucky.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- Korea, for example. - Enough, Joseph, please, huh?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Snake!
0:02:38 > 0:02:42Sh-shame. But it's only a game, and we can finish tomorrow.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44You will be back at Violet Hill tomorrow,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47but remember where we are and we will finish next time I visit.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49You have to be getting off because you have
0:02:49 > 0:02:51to be at The Mill in 29 minutes.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Such an excellent timekeeper.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Last year I had to wait 143 minutes until it was time to open presents.
0:02:58 > 0:03:02And what did Father Christmas bring you last year, Joseph?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04A watch.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Hmm. I must go.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10I will make sure I visit you before Christmas.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12What time, exactly?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Reverend Stanhope! May I have a word?
0:03:16 > 0:03:21I have been demoted to bread sauce and brandy butter,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24a travesty not unrelated to my criticism.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Let me explain...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Last year she put cranberry juice
0:03:29 > 0:03:31in the Christmas gravy.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- Delores was on Masterchef... - People who have
0:03:34 > 0:03:37spent all year eating out of bins could not stomach that gravy.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41And now you have put Delores Hamilton in charge?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Actually, Mrs Tembe, there is something I want you to do for me.
0:03:46 > 0:03:51I need to find the perfect home for a visiting theology student.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55I'm sure Delores Hamilton will be extremely accommodating, huh?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57No, she won't.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Because when it comes to hospitality and kindness,
0:03:59 > 0:04:03I don't have a parishioner more generous of spirit than you.
0:04:05 > 0:04:06Are you all right?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Your-your student will come to live with me?
0:04:10 > 0:04:14Er, er, er, I feel like I...I have climbed up
0:04:14 > 0:04:18the ladder from number two right to the top of the board.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Good. His name is Akono Mezu.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Akono Mezu. Oh right, yes.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25And Mrs Tembe, one more thing -
0:04:25 > 0:04:28there will be no cranberry juice in the gravy this year.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30You have my word on that.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Amen.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36MUSIC: "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday" by Wizzard
0:04:39 > 0:04:43# When the snowman brings the snow
0:04:43 > 0:04:46# Well, he just might like to know
0:04:46 > 0:04:51# He's put a great big smile on somebody's face
0:04:53 > 0:04:57# If you jump into your bed
0:04:57 > 0:04:59# Quickly cover up your head
0:04:59 > 0:05:01# Don't you lock the doors
0:05:01 > 0:05:05# You know that sweet Santa Claus is on the way
0:05:05 > 0:05:12# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day
0:05:13 > 0:05:18# When the kids start singing and the band begins to play
0:05:20 > 0:05:25# Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day
0:05:27 > 0:05:30# Let the bells ring out
0:05:30 > 0:05:33# For Christmas. #
0:05:36 > 0:05:39It has been confirmed that the young man will be staying with me.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Not bad, considering the economic climate.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Er, er, yeah, can you leave it until later?
0:05:46 > 0:05:50There are many patients here today and several of my colleagues
0:05:50 > 0:05:53have so far neglected to make a donation.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55I'm going to the cash point at lunchtime.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Oh, just take it - it'll only be pennies and buttons anyway.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Akono Mezu is a student of theology.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07A learned young man from Nigeria who could become a vicar
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- or maybe even higher. - What, like a bishop?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- An archbishop?- The Pope?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18He's landed on his feet stoppin' with you, any road.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21I believe the Reverend made the right selection.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I bet you iron your sheets, don't you, Mrs Tembe?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Keep your Coco Pops in Tupperware?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Oh, Mr Biglow!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29What about you, Ms Parsons?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Looking forward to a proper Christmas?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34- Well, since you've asked, actu... - Ooh, sorry.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Got to go.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40You, erm, heard I'm covering the Frank Battley show?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42What, hospital radio Frank Battley?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Slipped on a bit of bratwurst at the German Market last night.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Broke his hip.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Well, nice to know someone's having a worse Christmas than me.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55Don't forget that I'm going across to Campus later...
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Actually, I was visiting at St Philomena's this morning.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03That is when the Reverend Stanhope told me about Mr Mezu.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Oh, these electrics!
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Mrs Tembe, I have asked you twice.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- Now, would you please call them? - Yes, right away.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Is she all right?
0:07:15 > 0:07:18There are some of us who see no glitter in tinsel.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Ah, it is engaged.
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Anyway, where was I? Mr Mezu.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I can't stand it when she's miserable.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34'Ere - if I give you a lend of this will you please
0:07:34 > 0:07:36give us a smile?
0:07:38 > 0:07:42FIGURE PLAYS "Last Christmas" by Wham!
0:07:42 > 0:07:45# Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
0:07:45 > 0:07:47# But the very next day... #
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Ah, man!
0:07:49 > 0:07:52If a bum-wiggly Santa doesn't do it for ya, what will?!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03'I wouldn't mind, but it's nearly Christmas,'
0:08:03 > 0:08:07and she clearly doesn't intend on lifting a finger.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Who does she think she is?
0:08:09 > 0:08:11"Whose turn is it to empty the dishwasher?"
0:08:11 > 0:08:14and "Who ate the last mince pie?" I deserve better than this.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- It wouldn't kill her to be polite. - It is Zara we're talking about.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20She's just so rude.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24And if you think I'm going to be walking on egg shells...
0:08:24 > 0:08:26We're all going to need to be polite.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28What is this? The Munsters?
0:08:28 > 0:08:33She's a monster. Poor Daniel having to put up with her.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Just put it in the dishwasher, Jimmi!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40I made a mistake. OK? I can see that.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- You were delusional. - But does everybody have to suffer?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Yeah, why not? When you brought me to live at "Chez Chimmi".
0:08:46 > 0:08:48But I need you to try, please.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51After YOU showed such a breathtaking lack of judgement
0:08:51 > 0:08:53that you went behind my back... why should I try?
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Because it's Christmas. Our first proper Christmas,
0:08:56 > 0:09:00me, you and the bump. Please just give it a go.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I am trying. It's our Christmas, too.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05We're stuck with Mumzilla up there.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Can't we try a bit harder just for me?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Just try and let it wash over you.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Wash over me, or drown me?
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Can't we just get through Christmas?
0:09:14 > 0:09:17- And then what? - Well, then anything you want -
0:09:17 > 0:09:19we'll strip it out, we'll extend it, new kitchen,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- If after a few months you still hate it...- Which I will.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25IF you still hate it then we'll move.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27OK? I promise.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28'OK.'
0:09:28 > 0:09:29I'll try...
0:09:30 > 0:09:34..but only because it's Christmas and I love you.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I'm telling you - I'll give her one more chance
0:09:37 > 0:09:39and if she doesn't start making an effort, I'm going to do
0:09:39 > 0:09:41some renovations of my own...
0:09:44 > 0:09:46..on her face.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49It's Christmas, OK? I'm asking you, I love you...please?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53OK, OK.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57But if the pink one does anything to wind me up...
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I'm so bored.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08You're not fizzing with excitement at Mrs Tembe's saintly lodger?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Don't. She'll be phoning me later to tell me the rest.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17Ho ho ho! I'm off to help Barry with the Big Baz Show.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19That is an interesting hat.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Jealous?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Oddly...
0:10:22 > 0:10:24I thought you were dropping her at St Phil's?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I am. But I thought you sounded so fed up that
0:10:27 > 0:10:32I thought our very own little ray of Christmas sunshine...might help.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Will you be late for work?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Go on, you know you want to!
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Oh, Dad, get me out of here - they're turning Christmas all cold!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51MUSIC: "Walking in the Air" by Aled Jones
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Ladies first.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Mm-hm.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Now would you like try my papparkakor?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Well...?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Delicious.- Mm-hm.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20And, er...
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Very, erm...moreish.
0:11:32 > 0:11:37"Moreish"? There's way too much pepper in it. It's inedible!
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- You said it was delicious?! - They're not that bad...
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Oh, stop it! I hate it when people tell lies to me.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44I thought they were meant to be...
0:11:44 > 0:11:46- What?- They're sort of weirdly Scandinavian...
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Why didn't you say? Why not just tell me?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50..like Ulrika Jonsson.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- That's all you could have done. - I mean, they're...
0:11:54 > 0:11:56They're horrible.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I'm so sorry, Joseph.
0:12:01 > 0:12:06- They should let me be sent home. - They have to make sure you're properly better for Christmas.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09That's why they won't discharge you today.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12I-I won't go on the minibus?
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- No, not this year.- But it's my favourite thing after presents.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25RADIO: Way to go, Slade - respect to Noddy, Dave...and er,
0:12:25 > 0:12:27er, the other two.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Right... Big Baz's Christmas Wish Competition.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Write it out, name and ward,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36and my little helper will be round
0:12:36 > 0:12:38before the end of the show.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40I've got a Christmas wish!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42When I say Christmas "wish", like,
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I mean within reason - not a Christmas miracle.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50MUSIC: "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl
0:12:50 > 0:12:55I believe when pride rides out on horseback, it returns on foot.
0:12:55 > 0:13:00But I am not the sort of person to parade my success,
0:13:00 > 0:13:04but I will have to commiserate personally with Delores Hamilton.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09(I am sorry, I am on the phone to the other surgery.)
0:13:10 > 0:13:15For his first evening I am planning a fish and chip supper...
0:13:15 > 0:13:17thoroughly British.
0:13:17 > 0:13:22Though mushy peas will be too much for Mr Mezu.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25You know, the first time I saw mushy peas,
0:13:25 > 0:13:30I truly believed that someone had chewed them and spat them out.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Where's MY book?
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- I can go and find it... - I don't want to read.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Interesting article?
0:13:48 > 0:13:50You wouldn't think so.
0:13:50 > 0:13:51Try me.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57The dumbest things celebrities did in 2011.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Oh, Daniel! Such a shame that you're not a celeb.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Think of the column inches. - I thought you were going to try.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I tried.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09I got it wrong, OK? I persuaded myself
0:14:09 > 0:14:11that I'd be making you happy.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14I thought I was doing the best thing, for you, me AND the baby.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- Clearly, I lost perspective. - And ruined Christmas, don't forget,
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- with your almighty screw up. - Yes, I know.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- People warned me.- What?
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Other people knew about this other than them?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26We are in the room, you know.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Yeah, and I wish to heaven that I wasn't. You know what,
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I could just... I can!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35I can just book myself into a hotel. Just walk away.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Please do. - I beg your pardon?- You heard.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Cherry...- Yes, Cherry.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45OK. It's Christmas. What about counting your blessings?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47We're practically homeless. Are we moaning?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50No. Can you see us trying to make the most of this? Yes.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Oh right, Tiny Tim. Gawd bless us every one!
0:14:52 > 0:14:55You've got a good life, you've got a healthy baby,
0:14:55 > 0:15:00- you've got Daniel...- Pah! - ..who loves you so much he bought you a house.- THIS house!
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- It's a good house.- Too many freaks and not enough side shows.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06You are just a rude, self-centred cow.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Carry on like this and you won't be walking anywhere,
0:15:08 > 0:15:10cos I'll be throwing you out.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Ah! Be very careful.
0:15:24 > 0:15:25It's beautiful.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29When I was six...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33..I didn't get picked for the nativity.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35I was inconsolable.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38But my mum,
0:15:38 > 0:15:41she took me into town on the bus to The Bullring.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46We had to sit upstairs cos she wanted a cigarette.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48She always smoked Number Six.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51We got to sit at the front so we could see everything.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53- Different world.- Mmm.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58She took me to a cafe where they served food on steel plates.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Macaroni cheese, out of a tin, on a steel plate.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- It was so glamorous.- Indeed!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10It was the best thing I'd ever tasted in my life.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13It was so special.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Me and mum...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20..so grown up.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Is that when you bought this?
0:16:22 > 0:16:25She asked me if I wanted a Knickerbocker Glory -
0:16:25 > 0:16:28which I did, of course -
0:16:28 > 0:16:33but I just wanted to be grown up, so I said no.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- I see.- Anyway, then did the rest
0:16:36 > 0:16:38of the Christmas shopping and got stuff for the boys
0:16:38 > 0:16:42and that was the last thing that we bought.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45"Carry it carefully," she said.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47"It'll break if you drop it."
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Precious cargo.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53On the bus going home she promised me, she said,
0:16:53 > 0:16:55"Every year we're going to go into Birmingham
0:16:55 > 0:16:57"and buy another one of those,
0:16:57 > 0:17:02"and we're going to have so many of them, we'll have the best Christmas tree in Kings Heath."
0:17:04 > 0:17:06And by the next Christmas,
0:17:06 > 0:17:09she was too ill for buses.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I've been carrying it carefully ever since.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20This is what's going to happen. We're making the most of the situation.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- That's what I said.- Shh! I've had enough.- Hear! Hear!
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- You too. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this situation. - Mate...!
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Right. So what are we going to do to try and make things work?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Mmm? Anyone? Zara?
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- Daniel? - Hasn't he done enough already?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Which bit of "I've had enough" do you not understand?!
0:17:45 > 0:17:46OK.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51Why don't we unpack something that might make this better?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- TV's in the garage. - Right, sorted, then.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57We're going to try and make the best of the situation -
0:17:57 > 0:17:59give ourselves a silver lining.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02OK? OK, Zara?
0:18:03 > 0:18:04OK.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08- Sorry, what was that?- I said, "OK."
0:18:08 > 0:18:13I will insist that he write proper letters home.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16None of this "zapping" on email.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19The Reverend will approve of that.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Barry came back for the collection box, then?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24In the columns of pros and cons,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27this will be my big pro.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29My attention to detail...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Nooooo!
0:18:34 > 0:18:38RADIO: We're about to make our first Christmas wish come true
0:18:38 > 0:18:42for one patient on Albany ward...
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Joseph Manning,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- your wish was to go and see the Christmas lights...- Yes!
0:18:47 > 0:18:49..we've brought the lights to you...
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Merry Christmas, Joseph!
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Word for our listeners, Joseph? Wish come true or what?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02That's n-not what I wished for.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06That's rubbish.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Oh, er, right... erm,
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Trudy, back in the studio,
0:19:13 > 0:19:15can you spin the next disc, please?
0:19:15 > 0:19:18MUSIC: "I Believe In Father Christmas" by Greg Lake
0:19:18 > 0:19:22# They said there'd be snow at Christmas
0:19:22 > 0:19:26# They said there'd be peace on Earth
0:19:26 > 0:19:30# But instead it just kept on raining... #
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Lunch is served.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37- What on earth is that? - Oh, this snow machine is kaput.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- I thought you were popping out?- I popped out, and I popped back again.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- Are you hungry?- I'm starving.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Excellent. Now, I failed on the metal plates. However...
0:19:48 > 0:19:49You didn't?!
0:19:55 > 0:19:56You did!
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Ohhh...
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Have you any idea how much money we're talking about?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Many, many pounds.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09You have to find them, Sgt Hollins. Please.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11It was all my fault.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Drink your tea. Come on.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Oh!
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- What's going on? - It's been happening all day.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Oh! Oh, no.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I'll try and find the fuse box.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Vinyl albums...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- ..salopettes? - Tell me it's my bathrobe.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Tell me it's my bathrobe and my bathroom products.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Work clothes, Daniel. Pre-pregnancy work clothes.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Yep.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44- Where's the TV?- It's here somewhere.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Keep looking.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I see something that'll make me really happy.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51You do?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Something that is clearly more important to you
0:20:54 > 0:20:56than my bathrobe.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57Not Ruprector?
0:20:59 > 0:21:03I'm going to make me really, really happy.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Everybody. Everybody. State of play. There's a problem with
0:21:10 > 0:21:12one of the main underground cables.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16All our systems are down, they won't be back up any time soon.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Our receptionist at the Campus Surgery assures me
0:21:18 > 0:21:20anyone who needs to see a doctor urgently
0:21:20 > 0:21:23this afternoon will be seen over there.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26The time has come to face the music.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Come on...guys!
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Guys, it's Christmas!
0:21:37 > 0:21:40You see, where I went wrong this morning...
0:21:40 > 0:21:44is that I didn't have the right tools for the job.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46How is this going to make you happy?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49By allowing me to strike a blow for good taste.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Raahhh!
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Thank you.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I was too full of pride.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16I should have forestalled the electricity crisis.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Well, nobody's psychic.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21I should have guarded the money entrusted to me.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26I deserve to land on the head of a snake.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29And slide down, down, down, down...
0:22:29 > 0:22:31The trouble with seeing people in the staff room is
0:22:31 > 0:22:33they all expect tea and a biscuit.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Hello, love. Any news?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Not good, I'm afraid.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42What we call in the trade "total and utter scum".
0:22:42 > 0:22:43The money has gone?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Don't say nothing, Mrs Tembe.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50It ain't your fault. Where's Julia?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- She's in a meeting. She won't be long.- Let's hope so.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Well, er, if you'd all like to follow me.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Happy now?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I am never going to be happy in this house.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19It's not a 50-inch plasma, but...
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Tape snagged?- Yeah, maybe.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29I believed you when you said you'd try.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33- I must have been insane. - You said it.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36Oh, right, you make me the villain of the piece, that's brilliant.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I can just add it to the list of things I hate about this Christmas.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- TV: "..my big brother George..." - Ohhh! I love this bit.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47This movie makes me want to puke.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49"Every time a bell rings"?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Jimmy bloody Stewart.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Pasty-faced, whinging pillock. I should've guessed you two would like this tripe.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58This li... SHE GASPS
0:23:58 > 0:24:01What was that?! Again, feel!
0:24:01 > 0:24:03It's a foot or an elbow!
0:24:09 > 0:24:11TV: # "..for Auld Lang Syne..." #
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Follow me.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17If you'd all like to stand over here, please.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Thank you very much.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Joseph, this is for you.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Sorry about before, mate.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- Is everyone ready?- Oh, wait a minute.
0:24:37 > 0:24:383, 2, 1!
0:24:38 > 0:24:41THEY CHEER AND CLAP
0:24:43 > 0:24:44It's my Christmas wish!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Here you are, Mrs Tembe, you take that.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Make up for what was nicked.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54I told you I'd get to the cash machine.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57And I have been meaning to give you this...
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Truly...a Christmas miracle.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12# O holy night!
0:25:12 > 0:25:18# The stars are brightly shining
0:25:18 > 0:25:21# It is the night
0:25:21 > 0:25:24# Of our dear Saviour's birth
0:25:27 > 0:25:31# Long lay the world
0:25:31 > 0:25:36# In sin and error pining
0:25:36 > 0:25:38# 'Til He appeared... #
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Oh, Barry!
0:25:40 > 0:25:44- What do you think?- Love it. I just love it!
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Did you do this for me?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Because I love you, Julia.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55- After a fashion. - Well, I'm very fond of you, too.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Does that mean...?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- Do you think we could ever...? - No, Barry, no.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Fair enough.
0:26:10 > 0:26:16# ..Fall on your knees!
0:26:16 > 0:26:17# O hear... #
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Oh!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Oh, thank God!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Ohhh...!
0:26:24 > 0:26:28What have you done to my bauble?! What have you done to it?! CRASHING
0:26:28 > 0:26:32# ..O night divine
0:26:32 > 0:26:39# O night when Christ was born
0:26:39 > 0:26:46# O night divine
0:26:46 > 0:26:50# O night
0:26:50 > 0:26:57# O night Divine. #
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- Cow shed.- I beg your pardon?!
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Off the B32.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09You live, you die...
0:27:09 > 0:27:11and that's it.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15Older woman, younger man. There's bound to be some gossip.
0:27:18 > 0:27:21- What are you doing in the road? - It's a good place to think.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Oooh!
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:26 > 0:27:29E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk