Mr Fitch Comes Home

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0:00:28 > 0:00:30Oh!

0:00:32 > 0:00:34And God said,

0:00:34 > 0:00:37"Let there be light."

0:00:40 > 0:00:45"How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to me

0:00:45 > 0:00:47"All the uses of this world."

0:00:47 > 0:00:49And that's all folks!

0:00:49 > 0:00:52HE COUGHS

0:01:18 > 0:01:20Home, sweet home.

0:01:30 > 0:01:32- Not again.- I meant to say, we need some more milk.

0:01:32 > 0:01:36I can't find anything this morning. Yes, thank you.

0:01:36 > 0:01:37- We've got to go.- OK. Oh!

0:01:37 > 0:01:39- I'll do it later. - Wait, it won't take a sec.

0:01:39 > 0:01:42Jimmi! I'll be in the car.

0:01:45 > 0:01:47Someone had a rough night. See you later.

0:01:47 > 0:01:48See you, mate.

0:01:50 > 0:01:53- Is the baby playing football with your bladder again?- No!

0:01:53 > 0:01:55I am tired because Mr Sheen and Miss Fluffy

0:01:55 > 0:01:58were at it like rabbits all night!

0:01:58 > 0:02:00- Really?- You didn't hear them?

0:02:00 > 0:02:03The noises she made - like a Smurf on helium!

0:02:03 > 0:02:06And you can stop grinning like a baboon.

0:02:06 > 0:02:07Come on, it's not that bad.

0:02:07 > 0:02:08Isn't it?

0:02:08 > 0:02:09This place...

0:02:09 > 0:02:12I thought you were happier now we've unpacked.

0:02:12 > 0:02:15Daniel, hanging up some lampshades and unpacking my knickers

0:02:15 > 0:02:17does not mean you're forgiven.

0:02:19 > 0:02:23(One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.)

0:02:28 > 0:02:31COUGHING AND WHEEZING

0:02:39 > 0:02:42I'm a doctor, are you all right?

0:02:44 > 0:02:47Are you experiencing pains in your chest or your arms?

0:02:47 > 0:02:49I'm not having a heart attack.

0:02:49 > 0:02:51Well, even so, I think we should get you checked out.

0:02:51 > 0:02:53My surgery's not far. Come on.

0:02:54 > 0:02:57HE COUGHS AND CHOKES

0:03:02 > 0:03:05Mrs Tembe, Happy New Year!

0:03:05 > 0:03:08And to you, Dr Wilson.

0:03:08 > 0:03:11I thought you were not working this morning?

0:03:11 > 0:03:13Paperwork.

0:03:13 > 0:03:15Should have done it over the holidays,

0:03:15 > 0:03:18but...you know.

0:03:18 > 0:03:19How about you?

0:03:19 > 0:03:20How was your Crimbo?

0:03:20 > 0:03:23I had a lovely CHRISTMAS, thank you.

0:03:23 > 0:03:27I cleaned the house from top to bottom.

0:03:27 > 0:03:28Oh, don't tell me -

0:03:28 > 0:03:30cleanliness is next to Godliness...

0:03:30 > 0:03:33I needed it to be spick and span,

0:03:33 > 0:03:35ready for my visitor.

0:03:36 > 0:03:38Not long now!

0:03:38 > 0:03:42Right, if you'd just like to go straight through.

0:03:42 > 0:03:46Doctor Tyler, the surgery does not open for another 20 minutes.

0:03:46 > 0:03:48Yes, I'm very well aware of that,

0:03:48 > 0:03:50thank you, Mrs Tembe.

0:03:55 > 0:04:00- You look like you have seen a ghost. - No, not a ghost.

0:04:02 > 0:04:03More of a legend.

0:04:28 > 0:04:30Yeah, it's a chest infection.

0:04:30 > 0:04:32I thought so.

0:04:32 > 0:04:36I'll write you a prescription for some antibiotics.

0:04:36 > 0:04:38I need to put you down as a temporary patient.

0:04:38 > 0:04:40So, name and address?

0:04:40 > 0:04:42Fitch.

0:04:42 > 0:04:45The Cowshed, Derelict Farm,

0:04:45 > 0:04:49B32 Letherbridge Approach Road.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51It's a lovely spot.

0:04:53 > 0:04:57Apologies. Just having a bit of trouble taking myself seriously.

0:04:57 > 0:04:58Right.

0:04:58 > 0:05:01Although the address is actually genuine.

0:05:01 > 0:05:05I've spent most of my money travelling.

0:05:05 > 0:05:08- Oh, anywhere nice?- Everywhere.

0:05:08 > 0:05:10Kentish Town to Kathmandu.

0:05:15 > 0:05:16So it was just you and Elaine?

0:05:16 > 0:05:19Yeah, yeah, we had a lovely time.

0:05:19 > 0:05:21Oh, it was really quiet round ours with Jack away.

0:05:21 > 0:05:22Happy New Year, everyone!

0:05:25 > 0:05:27Oh, look at the state of you!

0:05:27 > 0:05:30- Heston, what on earth happened? - You'll never guess.

0:05:30 > 0:05:35I fell off the stool while decorating the tree.

0:05:35 > 0:05:37- I hope it didn't spoil your Christmas.- Not at all.

0:05:37 > 0:05:39It looks a lot worse than it is.

0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Highly dangerous activity - tree trimming.- Indeed.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44- Tinsel can be deadly, you know. - You'll have me in stitches!

0:05:44 > 0:05:48OK, children, playtime over - nine o'clock.

0:05:48 > 0:05:50So when did you do this?

0:05:51 > 0:05:54So how long have you been travelling?

0:05:54 > 0:05:56Hard to say.

0:05:56 > 0:05:58A few years maybe.

0:05:58 > 0:06:00It's all a bit of a haze since, er...

0:06:00 > 0:06:02Since what?

0:06:04 > 0:06:06I lost my wife and daughter.

0:06:06 > 0:06:08In a road accident.

0:06:09 > 0:06:11I'm very sorry to hear that.

0:06:11 > 0:06:13It must have been very difficult.

0:06:13 > 0:06:15Still is.

0:06:15 > 0:06:19I can arrange some bereavement counselling for you, if you like.

0:06:19 > 0:06:20No, no.

0:06:20 > 0:06:21I have read hundreds of books.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23I have been everywhere.

0:06:23 > 0:06:27I have met philosophers and priests, even the odd shaman.

0:06:27 > 0:06:29No-one could help.

0:06:29 > 0:06:32So I doubt a counsellor can.

0:06:32 > 0:06:34But you do want help?

0:06:35 > 0:06:38Just looking for a reason to carry on.

0:06:38 > 0:06:40That's why I'm back here,

0:06:40 > 0:06:43where it all started.

0:06:43 > 0:06:47I've got one last person to see, maybe they can help.

0:06:48 > 0:06:49After that...

0:06:50 > 0:06:52Meaning?

0:06:54 > 0:06:57Don't, don't concern yourself.

0:06:57 > 0:06:58I'll be fine.

0:06:59 > 0:07:01Take care.

0:07:23 > 0:07:26How was Christmas with Countess Dracula?

0:07:26 > 0:07:29Not bad. We managed to escape to family a few times.

0:07:29 > 0:07:31No hissy fits or tantrums?

0:07:31 > 0:07:34Erm... Apart from throwing the turkey at Daniel,

0:07:34 > 0:07:38and then flushing his Christmas present down the toilet,

0:07:38 > 0:07:40she wasn't too bad.

0:07:40 > 0:07:41If you say so.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43- I think that she's starting to chill a bit.- Really?

0:07:43 > 0:07:47Yeah, I think the house is growing on her. She wouldn't admit it though.

0:07:47 > 0:07:49Is that a new dress? Maternity wear?!

0:07:49 > 0:07:55- Are you serious?- Well, it looks like it.- Yeah it's...nice and stretchy.

0:07:55 > 0:07:57You know, whoever invented Lycra was a genius,

0:07:57 > 0:08:00cos it's just what you need when you're getting fatter.

0:08:00 > 0:08:02OK, it is not a maternity dress.

0:08:02 > 0:08:05And it's most certainly not Lycra.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07It's designer!

0:08:30 > 0:08:31No-one lives there.

0:08:31 > 0:08:35I'm looking for Mrs Fitch.

0:08:35 > 0:08:38I'm afraid she passed away about six months ago.

0:08:40 > 0:08:41I'm sorry.

0:08:41 > 0:08:44Did you know her well?

0:08:44 > 0:08:45Well, I'm her son.

0:08:46 > 0:08:48Was it her heart?

0:08:48 > 0:08:49Yes.

0:08:49 > 0:08:52They tried to get in touch with you I think.

0:08:52 > 0:08:53I've been away.

0:08:56 > 0:08:59HE LAUGHS

0:09:01 > 0:09:04There's no need to be disrespectful.

0:09:04 > 0:09:06Oh, no, I'm not. Sorry.

0:09:06 > 0:09:08It's just the irony.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10Well, anyway...

0:09:10 > 0:09:12I've got to get going.

0:09:13 > 0:09:15Oh, Mum!

0:09:17 > 0:09:19I was hoping you'd be able to...

0:09:19 > 0:09:21Oh, I don't know...

0:09:21 > 0:09:24make everything all right.

0:09:34 > 0:09:36Well, I wanted to say goodbye to Mr Fitch.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39- I don't think he'll remember me, though.- What, you know him?

0:09:39 > 0:09:42The famous neurosurgeon.

0:09:42 > 0:09:44What, Graham Fitch?

0:09:44 > 0:09:48- Yeah, surely you've heard of him? - I studied him at med school, read all his books.

0:09:48 > 0:09:50Yeah, me too.

0:09:50 > 0:09:51I even saw him operate once -

0:09:51 > 0:09:52totally blew me away.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54- Are you sure it was him? - Definitely.

0:09:54 > 0:09:56He did a sting at St Phil's.

0:09:56 > 0:09:58I only ever saw him in his scrubs.

0:09:58 > 0:10:02I heard that he really went off the rails a couple of years back...

0:10:02 > 0:10:05I thought he was just making this stuff up. I should never have let him go.

0:10:05 > 0:10:08- It's his choice.- But I think he might do something stupid.

0:10:08 > 0:10:10If you are talking about Mr Fitch,

0:10:10 > 0:10:13he threw his prescription in the bin.

0:10:14 > 0:10:15Cowshed!

0:10:15 > 0:10:18- I beg your pardon?- Off the B32.

0:10:18 > 0:10:19Kev!

0:10:20 > 0:10:23You live, you die,

0:10:23 > 0:10:26and that's it.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28And even if there is something afterwards, who cares?

0:10:28 > 0:10:33You're just swapping one hell for another.

0:10:35 > 0:10:38Consciousness is a prison!

0:10:57 > 0:11:01Your patients aren't going to have much faith in you now, are they,

0:11:01 > 0:11:02looking like that.

0:11:02 > 0:11:05- Frankenstein's monster. - Yeah. All done.

0:11:05 > 0:11:07Don't go standing on any more wonky stools.

0:11:07 > 0:11:08No, I won't. Thanks, Cherry.

0:11:08 > 0:11:11I hope Marina's given you plenty of TLC.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17"Blow, winds, crack your cheeks!

0:11:17 > 0:11:19"Rage!

0:11:19 > 0:11:20"Blow!"

0:11:22 > 0:11:24"Theirs not to reason why

0:11:24 > 0:11:26"Theirs but to do and die

0:11:26 > 0:11:28"Into the valley of Death."

0:11:31 > 0:11:33Mr Fitch.

0:11:33 > 0:11:36What are you doing in the road?

0:11:36 > 0:11:38A good place to think.

0:11:38 > 0:11:40Please, just keep on the grass.

0:11:40 > 0:11:42Come here.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51What do you see?

0:11:51 > 0:11:53- Nothing.- Exactly.

0:11:55 > 0:11:57You can't give up like this.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59Why not?

0:11:59 > 0:12:01Mr Fitch, I think you need to see...

0:12:01 > 0:12:04Oh, boring, I've heard it all before!

0:12:06 > 0:12:08Tell me what you think of me.

0:12:08 > 0:12:12What you really, really think of me.

0:12:12 > 0:12:14Oh, don't be a wimp!

0:12:14 > 0:12:16All right.

0:12:16 > 0:12:18Have you any idea how pathetic you've become?

0:12:20 > 0:12:23You know I used to really admire you.

0:12:23 > 0:12:24Your work.

0:12:24 > 0:12:26In fact, after watching you operate

0:12:26 > 0:12:29I even considered becoming a neurosurgeon.

0:12:29 > 0:12:33Oh, I'm sorry I turned out to be such a disappointment(!)

0:12:37 > 0:12:40Look, I know the death of your family must have been a big...

0:12:40 > 0:12:42And I can't even imagine how you...

0:12:45 > 0:12:48But you've forgotten what a great surgeon you were.

0:12:48 > 0:12:51That doesn't mean anything.

0:12:51 > 0:12:52Yes, it does.

0:12:52 > 0:12:55So many people owe you their lives.

0:12:55 > 0:12:57Some of us get saved

0:12:57 > 0:12:59and some of us don't.

0:12:59 > 0:13:01It's just statistics, in the grand scale.

0:13:01 > 0:13:04You don't really mean that.

0:13:05 > 0:13:07Where are you going?

0:13:07 > 0:13:08Mr Fitch.

0:13:10 > 0:13:11What are you doing?

0:13:12 > 0:13:14Drive.

0:13:18 > 0:13:19Where to?

0:13:19 > 0:13:22Just drive!

0:13:22 > 0:13:24Oh, you ready for lunch?

0:13:24 > 0:13:26- Yeah, just about. - PHONE RINGS

0:13:26 > 0:13:27Doctor Clay.

0:13:29 > 0:13:32Ah, yeah sorry, my phone's been switched off all morning.

0:13:35 > 0:13:37What, today?

0:13:39 > 0:13:42Erm, well, yeah... No.

0:13:42 > 0:13:44Well, I can come now, that'd be great.

0:13:44 > 0:13:46OK, thanks. Bye.

0:13:46 > 0:13:50The vendor's wife's recovered. We can move in whenever we want!

0:13:51 > 0:13:54Yes! Oh!

0:13:54 > 0:13:56Come on.

0:14:03 > 0:14:06Alcohol's the last thing you need right now.

0:14:06 > 0:14:10If I'm going to listen to how wonderful life is...

0:14:10 > 0:14:12I'll need a drink.

0:14:14 > 0:14:16Only thing that makes any sense.

0:14:16 > 0:14:18Well, then,

0:14:18 > 0:14:20give it your best shot.

0:14:20 > 0:14:22Sorry?

0:14:22 > 0:14:26Convince me why I shouldn't just end it all.

0:14:26 > 0:14:30Because life's worth living.

0:14:30 > 0:14:31MR FITCH LAUGHS

0:14:32 > 0:14:35I have seen the light!

0:14:35 > 0:14:38Hallelujah!

0:14:38 > 0:14:40# Hallelujah

0:14:40 > 0:14:43# Hallelujah... #

0:14:43 > 0:14:46Used to be a choir boy.

0:14:46 > 0:14:51# You say I took the name in vain

0:14:51 > 0:14:54# I don't even know the name

0:14:54 > 0:14:56# But if I did

0:14:56 > 0:15:00# Well, really What's it to you? #

0:15:02 > 0:15:04HE COUGHS AND WHEEZES

0:15:05 > 0:15:09Oh, this is brand new!

0:15:09 > 0:15:13Oh, I can't go back to work... like this.

0:15:13 > 0:15:14Just get in the car!

0:15:20 > 0:15:24Have you heard the good news?! Jimmi and Cherry are moving out.

0:15:24 > 0:15:27- Oh, finally! I wasn't sure how much more I could take.- Me neither.

0:15:27 > 0:15:30- But they'll be gone soon. - Good, good, good, good!

0:15:30 > 0:15:32So...

0:15:32 > 0:15:34does this mean that I'm finally forgiven?

0:15:34 > 0:15:36In your dreams!

0:15:36 > 0:15:37But they're moving out.

0:15:37 > 0:15:40I still have to live in that hideous house.

0:15:40 > 0:15:42You are going to have to make it up to me.

0:15:42 > 0:15:44I thought I had. What about Ruprecht?

0:15:44 > 0:15:48Please! Smashing that monstrosity was just an appetiser.

0:15:48 > 0:15:49OK.

0:15:52 > 0:15:53What have you got in mind?

0:15:53 > 0:15:56"Stare into the abyss

0:15:56 > 0:16:00"And the abyss stares back at you."

0:16:00 > 0:16:01Don't sit down.

0:16:01 > 0:16:03Let me go get you something.

0:16:03 > 0:16:06"All that we see

0:16:06 > 0:16:10"Is but a dream within a dream."

0:16:12 > 0:16:14I said don't sit down!

0:16:14 > 0:16:17Either this man is dead...

0:16:17 > 0:16:21or my watch has stopped.

0:16:23 > 0:16:25I won't be long.

0:16:31 > 0:16:34Well, someone's certainly grown.

0:16:34 > 0:16:38That's generally what happens when you're pregnant.

0:16:40 > 0:16:42- Hormones.- Yes.

0:16:42 > 0:16:44So how was Christmas at Julia's?

0:16:44 > 0:16:48Relaxing. My family weren't happy, but it was just what I needed.

0:16:48 > 0:16:50- So you're feeling better then?- Yes.

0:16:50 > 0:16:53I'm on a strict regime to help me sleep

0:16:53 > 0:16:56and I've started sessions with Oliver again.

0:16:56 > 0:16:59Oh, I've found an old note on a file.

0:16:59 > 0:17:01Something about you wanting advice?

0:17:01 > 0:17:02Advice?

0:17:02 > 0:17:06From before Christmas. Did you want to talk to me about anything?

0:17:06 > 0:17:09Whatever it was, I can't remember.

0:17:09 > 0:17:11Oh, you're as bad as me. See you later.

0:17:20 > 0:17:21Mr Fitch?

0:17:27 > 0:17:29Mr Fitch, are you in there?

0:17:31 > 0:17:32Mr Fitch.

0:17:34 > 0:17:36Mr Fitch!

0:17:42 > 0:17:47Oh, you are kidding me. Mr Fitch!

0:17:47 > 0:17:50Mr Fitch, can you hear me?

0:17:50 > 0:17:52Mr Fitch, can you hear me?

0:17:52 > 0:17:55Oh, come on, talk to me, you old... Mr Fitch!

0:17:59 > 0:18:01Yes, ambulance please.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08So, erm, when are you moving in then?

0:18:08 > 0:18:10Er, today. Already got the keys.

0:18:10 > 0:18:14Well, that just means that there's the wedding to sort out.

0:18:14 > 0:18:16How's that going?

0:18:16 > 0:18:20- Pretty stress-free so far. - Doctor Chill is in the building!

0:18:20 > 0:18:22THEY LAUGH

0:18:23 > 0:18:26Sharing a house before they are married...

0:18:26 > 0:18:27SHE TUTS

0:18:28 > 0:18:33Well, you've got your "gentleman friend" coming soon.

0:18:33 > 0:18:34That is different.

0:18:34 > 0:18:36He is a very important guest.

0:18:36 > 0:18:39But you know how people talk.

0:18:39 > 0:18:42I mean, older woman, younger man -

0:18:42 > 0:18:45there's bound to be some gossip.

0:18:45 > 0:18:49But he... He's soon to become a man of the cloth.

0:18:49 > 0:18:52Have you never read Thorn Birds?

0:19:00 > 0:19:03SHE CHOKES

0:19:29 > 0:19:32PHONE RINGS

0:19:56 > 0:19:58Well, he's going to be all right.

0:19:58 > 0:20:02Luckily he was too drunk to take enough pills.

0:20:02 > 0:20:06Yeah, but I'm sure he's going to try it again.

0:20:06 > 0:20:09In fact, I know he will.

0:20:13 > 0:20:15I don't know. RADIO PLAYS

0:20:15 > 0:20:17I just don't know what to do.

0:20:17 > 0:20:20Yeah, well... Look, I'll talk to you later, Freya, yeah?

0:20:23 > 0:20:26'You're listening to Letherbridge FM.

0:20:26 > 0:20:29'Remember, folks, keep those texts and phone calls coming in.

0:20:29 > 0:20:33'Next up, is a request from Mr Peters, who's stuck in traffic on the M42.

0:20:33 > 0:20:34'Enjoy.'

0:20:34 > 0:20:38# Well, I heard there was a secret chord

0:20:38 > 0:20:42# That David played and it pleased the Lord

0:20:42 > 0:20:47# But you don't really care for music, do you? #

0:20:47 > 0:20:51HE SOBS

0:20:51 > 0:20:53# Well, it goes like this The fourth, the fifth

0:20:53 > 0:20:56# The minor fall and the major lift

0:20:56 > 0:21:03# The baffled king composing hallelujah

0:21:03 > 0:21:06# Hallelujah

0:21:06 > 0:21:10# Hallelujah... #

0:21:19 > 0:21:21Our stuff!

0:21:21 > 0:21:24Got it dropped off this afternoon.

0:21:25 > 0:21:27I can't believe it!

0:21:27 > 0:21:29It's better than I remember.

0:21:29 > 0:21:31It's finally ours.

0:21:31 > 0:21:33I know.

0:21:33 > 0:21:34SHE GIGGLES

0:21:36 > 0:21:40Oh, I was starting to think this was never going to happen.

0:21:40 > 0:21:43Yeah, me too. We're here now.

0:21:43 > 0:21:45Oh, nearly forgot something.

0:21:45 > 0:21:47Here, catch.

0:21:49 > 0:21:50Right.

0:21:52 > 0:21:55Home, sweet home!

0:21:55 > 0:21:58At last. It's been long enough.

0:21:58 > 0:22:01No more Zara hogging the bathroom.

0:22:01 > 0:22:03Or Daniel...

0:22:03 > 0:22:07stealing all the milk.

0:22:07 > 0:22:09- Ready?- Yeah.

0:22:09 > 0:22:11Ooh!

0:22:11 > 0:22:15No more Jimmi obsessively cleaning.

0:22:15 > 0:22:19No more Cherry squealing like a pig in the night.

0:22:19 > 0:22:21Yeah.

0:22:21 > 0:22:23Just us now.

0:22:25 > 0:22:28You think I've forgotten, don't you?

0:22:28 > 0:22:31Forgotten?

0:22:33 > 0:22:34OK.

0:22:34 > 0:22:37How can I make it up to you?

0:22:37 > 0:22:40I get to name the baby.

0:22:40 > 0:22:41Pfft! What did you have in mind?

0:22:41 > 0:22:45Well, if it's a girl, I was thinking maybe Titania.

0:22:45 > 0:22:47What?

0:22:47 > 0:22:48It's Shakespeare.

0:22:48 > 0:22:50I don't care where it's from.

0:22:50 > 0:22:53You can't give a baby a name that's like...

0:22:53 > 0:22:55Philistine!

0:22:55 > 0:22:59- What if it's a boy? - Well, I was thinking maybe Lucius.

0:22:59 > 0:23:03- Lucius?- Or Lysander.- The kid's going to be bullied all his life!

0:23:03 > 0:23:06You're joking, aren't you?

0:23:16 > 0:23:18So, what are you now?

0:23:18 > 0:23:21My guardian angel?

0:23:21 > 0:23:23Just checking.

0:23:23 > 0:23:25Well, you must know it was pointless saving me.

0:23:34 > 0:23:36Recognise any of them?

0:23:37 > 0:23:40Well, we've got Hilda Thompson,

0:23:40 > 0:23:41who's just turned 70.

0:23:41 > 0:23:43Mr Bedford...

0:23:43 > 0:23:45who's now a proud father of three.

0:23:47 > 0:23:48Mrs Fielding...

0:23:48 > 0:23:50who's expecting her first child.

0:23:50 > 0:23:52Congratulations, by the way.

0:23:52 > 0:23:56Mr Rowley, Ms Chadwick,

0:23:56 > 0:23:59Mr Wright

0:23:59 > 0:24:01and Mr Irvine,

0:24:01 > 0:24:04who are all just very glad to be alive.

0:24:04 > 0:24:06- HE SOBS - How did you find them all?

0:24:06 > 0:24:08Local radio.

0:24:08 > 0:24:11Every 30 minutes I got the DJ to announce

0:24:11 > 0:24:14that Mr Fitch the neurosurgeon needed help

0:24:14 > 0:24:17and that anyone who'd been saved by you to get in touch urgently.

0:24:19 > 0:24:23Tell them that they're all just statistics.

0:24:23 > 0:24:25That there's no point in living.

0:24:29 > 0:24:32Now, if you still want to kill yourself,

0:24:32 > 0:24:34then fine.

0:24:58 > 0:25:00This is so perfect.

0:25:00 > 0:25:02Almost.

0:25:02 > 0:25:03Almost?

0:25:03 > 0:25:07Well, we haven't christened the place yet.

0:25:07 > 0:25:08What do you mean?

0:25:10 > 0:25:13- Oh, I get it! - PHONE RINGS

0:25:13 > 0:25:15- Oh...- Aw.

0:25:17 > 0:25:19- Oh, it's Mum.- Don't be long.

0:25:19 > 0:25:20Hi, Mum.

0:25:20 > 0:25:23No, we haven't unpacked the telly yet,

0:25:23 > 0:25:25it's with the rest of the stuff.

0:25:26 > 0:25:27What?

0:25:29 > 0:25:31You're joking?! When?

0:25:31 > 0:25:34- What is it?- I can't believe it.

0:25:34 > 0:25:37I don't know. Listen, I'll call you back.

0:25:41 > 0:25:43It's our wedding venue...

0:25:43 > 0:25:45Marlborough Hall.

0:25:45 > 0:25:47What?

0:25:47 > 0:25:49It's burning down.

0:25:53 > 0:25:56- Chateau Chaumont. - Why does that sound familiar?

0:25:56 > 0:25:59If it was up to the guys, we'd be getting married in a bowling alley.

0:25:59 > 0:26:03- Well, I image you'd like to take a tour of the place.- Yes, please.

0:26:03 > 0:26:04I want a divorce!

0:26:04 > 0:26:05Bye-bye!

0:26:05 > 0:26:08She said you're a loser and I should get out while I still can.

0:26:08 > 0:26:10Who'd want to get married here?

0:26:10 > 0:26:13This is where relationships come to die.

0:26:13 > 0:26:16That's all I hear - a high-pitched "Blah, blah, blah!"

0:26:20 > 0:26:23Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:26:23 > 0:26:26E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk