0:00:25 > 0:00:27RADIO: ..Bohemian Rhapsody.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30We've just had some extraordinary news handed to us.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33Apparently, there is a meteorite on its way
0:00:33 > 0:00:35to the West Midlands.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38Er, scientists say there's no cause to panic
0:00:38 > 0:00:40but, erm, we'll, obviously... We'll keep you posted.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Meanwhile, here's Dolly Parton.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Morning.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Oh, thanks, love.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Are you, er...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Are you getting up this morning?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59I don't feel ready yet. Maybe tomorrow.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Right. Well, I've got to go to the doctor myself.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Have my blood pressure tested.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09I hope it's all right. One of us has to fetch and carry.
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Oh, and erm, I'm taking some clothes down to the charity shop.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18Are you indeed? Expect you'll be collecting some from Mrs Fudge.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Yes, er, she, she...
0:01:21 > 0:01:23She did have something for me.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- Oh, you'll never guess what was on the news.- What?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Well, apparently, there's some sort of meteorite
0:01:28 > 0:01:30heading straight for the Midlands.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35Well, if it's not one thing, it's another.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37I don't suppose there's much we can do about it.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Well, you can switch on my Barry Manilow.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44If the world is going to end, at least I'll have a nice tune.
0:01:46 > 0:01:50MUSIC: "Can't Smile Without You" by Barry Manilow
0:01:50 > 0:01:55MUSIC: "Jolene" by Dolly Parton
0:01:55 > 0:01:58DOORBELL RINGS
0:02:00 > 0:02:04RADIO: This is an urgent news report. According to eyewitness reports,
0:02:04 > 0:02:09the meteorite has now crashed into Letherbridge High Street.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Police are warning people to stay away.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Oh, has there been any more news?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Oh, I don't know. I wasn't listening.
0:02:16 > 0:02:19Now, I've got some clothes for you.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21There's a beautiful Japanese kimono,
0:02:21 > 0:02:23there's a small satin negligee
0:02:23 > 0:02:27and there's an angora sweater that was just a bit too tight.
0:02:27 > 0:02:32Oh, whoops! Butterfingers, eh? You're really very kind.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Oh, no, I think you're wonderful.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38The things you do for the less fortunate.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41How is your wife?
0:02:41 > 0:02:44- Oh, no better, I'm afraid. - What a shame.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46She's so lucky to have you.
0:02:46 > 0:02:52Yes. Erm, would it be all right to listen to the news for a bit?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Yeah, sure. Why?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Well, they say that there's a kind of asteroid on the way.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- Really?- Yeah.- Well, it won't do any damage, will it?
0:03:02 > 0:03:06- Well, some people say that's what destroyed the dinosaurs.- Oh, dear.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Well, we best have a listen, then.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11RADIO: Letherbridge is now under alien attack.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Police are warning people to stay indoors.
0:03:13 > 0:03:18Do not leave the house, do not attempt to confront them.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22The studio has gone into lockdown though we have to stay on air...
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- It's the end of the world. - Well, it can't be.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27- I mean, it's on the radio. - Well, it's a joke.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Oh, I've had nightmares about this.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32See, if they've got the technology to cross the universe,
0:03:32 > 0:03:34well, we must be like primitives compared to them.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Well, what are we going to do?
0:03:36 > 0:03:40We'll hide under the stairs. Pray for some kind of miracle.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41Yeah, well, what about your wife?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- She's listening to Barry Manilow. - You'll want to be with her.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47No. If the world is going to end,
0:03:47 > 0:03:51there's only one person I want to be with.
0:03:51 > 0:03:52Oh! Oh! Oh!
0:03:52 > 0:03:57Oh! Oh, Derek! Derek! Oh, Derek!
0:03:57 > 0:03:59RADIO: January the 6th will always be remembered
0:03:59 > 0:04:04as the day we made first contact. We are not alone in the universe.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- Oh, Derek.- Oh, Suzy.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- Has the world ended? - An alien's got hold of my leg.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12And he's pulling, he's pulling!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15He's pulling my leg just like I've been pulling your leg
0:04:15 > 0:04:16for the past half hour!
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Yes, you've been listening to our Friday morning super prank.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23The world hasn't really been invaded by aliens. It was just a bit of fun.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26We do hope that no-one was taken in by our little stunt.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Oops.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34- Course we're going to need disposable cameras.- Morning.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37- Hey.- Cherry, you know your wedding?
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- Yes?- I've just found out a wonderful way that you might save some money.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45A couple in Kidderminster have just tied the knot at a naturist wedding.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49The bride and groom, and all their guests arrived completely naked.
0:04:49 > 0:04:50You've got to go for that.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54Wouldn't have to worry about a dress, or the bridesmaids' dresses.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57You still have to pay for the venue, flowers, catering.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Sausages on sticks?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01I'm glad you find it funny.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Do you want me to look at the list? See if I can help.
0:05:07 > 0:05:11Buttonholes, flowers, band - I could do that.
0:05:11 > 0:05:17OK. Well, it's got to be upmarket, classy, sophisticated.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19And cheap!
0:05:24 > 0:05:28Hello? Is anybody here?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- What are you doing here?- Heston!
0:05:31 > 0:05:35You did remember you're assessing me this week?
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Yes. Yeah. No.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Great. Got time for a chat?
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Erm, lunch at the Icon?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46That works for me. What have you been doing to yourself?
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Oh, I got into an argument with a champagne cork.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53That's the third injury you've come in with this week.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57You may think I'm a smooth operator, but I'm actually quite clumsy.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58All champagne-related?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Well, I'm not an alcoholic.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04- I'm not getting at anything, I'm just concerned.- Well, don't be.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09I think I have to be because I'm a doctor who cares about you.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13OK, there is something.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14I knew it!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18- I've been diagnosed with BPPV.- What?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Benign Positional Peripheral Vertigo.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I know what it is. Why haven't you told anyone?
0:06:22 > 0:06:26I don't want anybody knowing my business.
0:06:26 > 0:06:31- So, how's Marion? - She's the same. No better. No worse.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35Really? I'm surprised. I thought she'd be up and about by now.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Just, er, just try and relax.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40How's it looking?
0:06:40 > 0:06:44- 180 over 100.- Is that bad?
0:06:44 > 0:06:48- It's not great. Higher than last time.- Oh, no.
0:06:48 > 0:06:53Is, erm, something wrong? Are you under any stress?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Yes.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57What's the matter?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02I've just had sex with Mrs Fudge.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05It wasn't our fault. We thought the world was going to end.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09KNOCKING ON DOOR
0:07:09 > 0:07:10Enter.
0:07:10 > 0:07:15- So, this BPPV.- Yes? - What are the symptoms?
0:07:15 > 0:07:19I thought you spent five years at medical school.
0:07:19 > 0:07:24Yeah, I did, but now I have a real life study, not just theory.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29Well, if I turn my head suddenly or look up, the room spins. I drop stuff and bump into things.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Do you get that feeling as though the floor's breathing?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- Yes and it's very alarming. - Must improve your sex life, though!
0:07:35 > 0:07:38- What?- Earth really moves.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43So, erm, what treatment are they giving you?
0:07:43 > 0:07:48- They just said leave it for a week. - Well, that's no good. Lie down.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- Why?- I want to try something on you.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- What?- Epley's Manoeuvre. Go on.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59And before we knew it, we were on the floor.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02You see, there's always been a certain frisson
0:08:02 > 0:08:05between myself and Mrs Fudge.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I think, deep down, we knew it was a hoax,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10but it allowed us to do something that, secretly,
0:08:10 > 0:08:13we've always wanted to do.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- What are you going to do now? - I don't know.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20We could start a new life together.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- And your wife? - Oh, our marriage is over.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27I used to be a central heating engineer
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and I could always tell if an old boiler needed a bit of attention
0:08:30 > 0:08:32or if it was completely packed up.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37Well, our marriage is obsolete. The pilot light's gone out.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41They don't make the parts for it any more.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43But it lasted 30 years.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45The Black Death lasted for centuries,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47but that wasn't a success story.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Look, I can't tell you what to do,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53but I've known people who've had affairs
0:08:53 > 0:08:55and it can ruin your life.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57One lie leads to another.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00And how do you know how Mrs Fudge feels?
0:09:00 > 0:09:05- I mean, she might just see it as a one-off.- Oh, no!
0:09:05 > 0:09:07No, I'm sure she feels the same as I do.
0:09:07 > 0:09:08What if she doesn't?
0:09:14 > 0:09:19- So, how are you feeling? - Very well, thank you.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23You can take these clothes to Oxfam now.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27No! I meant how are you feeling about this morning?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Well, actually, I feel a bit sick.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Why?- Because you're a married man.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35The only reason I did what I did
0:09:35 > 0:09:38is because I thought we'd be dead in half an hour.
0:09:38 > 0:09:42Suzy, my marriage is dead. It has been for years.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47But the two of us - this could be the start of something wonderful.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- Derek, we're too old for this malarkey.- You're never too old.
0:09:51 > 0:09:55All these gorgeous clothes from faraway places
0:09:55 > 0:09:59and you've hardly ever set foot outside Letherbridge.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01I know. My Norman didn't believe in abroad.
0:10:01 > 0:10:06He said that French people spoke English when we weren't looking.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Look, I've got some savings - we could travel the world.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14I've always loved the idea of Italy.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18We could buy a farmhouse, make our own olive oil.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Extra virgin? - Is there any other kind?
0:10:21 > 0:10:25Oh, I don't know, Derek. I mean, it sounds wonderful,
0:10:25 > 0:10:29- but it's just all so sudden. - Yes. Yes, I know.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31But how often in life do you meet someone
0:10:31 > 0:10:34who makes you feel ten years old again?
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Who makes you feel like the world is just one great big adventure,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39waiting for us to explore it?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I'll tell you - once.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46And this is it. This is our moment.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Ah, the blushing bridegroom! What can I do for you?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56I need some advice about Cherry's wedding.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- It is your wedding, too.- So it is.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01Yeah, this business about finding a band.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04Why bother? Why bother?
0:11:04 > 0:11:07All you need is my MP3 player and some very large speakers.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08- Really?- Yeah.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11That's all you need to make the perfect party.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Did someone say party?
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- We're trying to work out what to play for Jim's big day.- My mate's a DJ.
0:11:17 > 0:11:21- He can lay down some banging tunes. - I don't think Cherry's in the mood for banging tunes.
0:11:21 > 0:11:25All right, sourpuss. He does play old school stuff. From the '90s.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Wow. As old as that?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30I keep telling you. All you need for the perfect celebration
0:11:30 > 0:11:33is this little gadget here.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Let's have a listen.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37- On one condition.- What's that?
0:11:37 > 0:11:41I want you to press random play. Whatever song comes up,
0:11:41 > 0:11:44that's the first song you play after your dance with Cherry.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Ooh!- What if it's embarrassing? - Well, how can it be?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- It's on my collection. - Come on, he's far too chicken.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53He's probably going to let Cherry choose something like Shania Twain.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55OK, it's a deal.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Then, all you need to do is press play.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05MUSIC: "Baggy Trousers" by Madness
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- Oh, result!- Er, what is this?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Only the best band of the '80s, my friend.
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- Yeah, but you can't dance to it. - Show him.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17# Smashing up the woodwork tools
0:12:17 > 0:12:20# All the teachers in the pub Passing round the ready-rub
0:12:20 > 0:12:23# Trying not to think of when The lunch-time bell will ring again
0:12:23 > 0:12:27# Oh, what fun we had But did it really turn out bad... #
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Doctor Clay! What is that appalling noise?
0:12:30 > 0:12:33- Oh, it's Madness, Mrs Tembe! - Well, I would not argue with that.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37# Trying different ways To make a difference... #
0:12:51 > 0:12:55So, there we are. I'm sorry for any pain I've caused.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58So, you're going to grow olives, are you?
0:12:58 > 0:13:03- Will you also be making bacon?- What?
0:13:03 > 0:13:08- With the pigs flying overhead? - This is all true, I tell you.
0:13:08 > 0:13:13Oh, Derek. I know you've always had the hots for Suzy the floozy,
0:13:13 > 0:13:16but what would she see in a fossil like you?
0:13:16 > 0:13:20Look, it may surprise you, but other women do see something in me.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Well, perhaps that's where our marriage went wrong.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25We take each other for granted.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28What are you doing?
0:13:32 > 0:13:38Suzy? It's Mrs Wooley here from next door.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Hmmm?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Would you mind popping round for a minute?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52I am appalled at you.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55You are supposed to be health professionals.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59- But it's lunchtime.- And we were discussing important issues.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02It's about Jimmi's wedding - the music for him.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Why would you want that sort of racket at a wedding?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Cos it makes him happy?
0:14:08 > 0:14:11If you want music,
0:14:11 > 0:14:15my choir would be happy to sing for you.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18They will make a noise that will fill the church
0:14:18 > 0:14:20and the hearts of everyone.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23We're not getting married in church.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30- Where are you getting married? - Country house.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35But surely you should be in the house of the Lord?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Well, we thought about it, but we decided not to.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Sometimes, I despair of this country. Hmm.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48When my theology student comes to stay with me, what will he think?
0:14:48 > 0:14:52He will think he has landed in Sodom and Gomorrah.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01SUZY: I'm so sorry,
0:15:01 > 0:15:06but we just got caught up in something that we couldn't control.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07I understand.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11It's not the sort of thing you'd do deliberately.
0:15:11 > 0:15:15But the point is, we did do it. And it wasn't a one-off.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18It was just the first of a thousand acts of passion.
0:15:18 > 0:15:23My word. Do you think your pacemaker will stand it?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26It's a good job you've got Dr Cassidy on speed dial.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29Well, I think you're very cruel.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32You can't seem to see what a wonderful man he is.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35But, you know, if that's the way you feel,
0:15:35 > 0:15:39then, perhaps it's time he was with somebody who understood him.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Ooh, the tart's got teeth!
0:15:42 > 0:15:47Well, if you're so determined to crawl off into the sunset,
0:15:47 > 0:15:50why don't you nip up to the attic and get a suitcase?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- Derek? Derek, what is it? - Go on. Go up to the attic.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Then you'll see what sort of man he really is.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- And there you go. We'll see you on the 20th.- Thank you.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08It's a bit quiet today.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Oh, I think they've all been scared away by the aliens.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I actually had one patient who believed it.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16No! What happened?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20He was so sure the world was about to end he got a bit too neighbourly with the woman next door.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Well, the world really will come to an end when his wife finds out.
0:16:24 > 0:16:31So, imagine you've got one hour to live, aliens are coming,
0:16:31 > 0:16:33who would you have your final fling with?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- George Clooney and a large tub of Haagen-Dazs.- Ooh, no!
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- You don't like him?- It's the ice cream. I'd have low fat yoghurt.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41What's the matter with you?
0:16:41 > 0:16:45The world's about to end and you're thinking about healthy eating.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Heston?
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- What?- Your final fling, if the world was about to end.
0:16:51 > 0:16:56I have no idea. Why do we get hung up on nights with dream lovers,
0:16:56 > 0:16:58when we should appreciate what we've got?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Suzy?
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Suzy? Oh, there you are!
0:17:11 > 0:17:17- Derek, what are all these clothes? - Well, you know what they are.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18You gave them to me.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22You were meant to take them to the charity shop.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- They were for people in need. - I have needs!
0:17:26 > 0:17:30And I was going to take them, eventually.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Well, what do you do with them all?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Well, he doesn't wear them, if that's what you're wondering.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39But sometimes, I hear him,
0:17:39 > 0:17:43running his fingers through the fabric and breathing heavily.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45How did you get up here?
0:17:45 > 0:17:49You'd be amazed the things I can do when I put my mind to it.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51- Some of these clothes are from years ago.- Yes.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Because I've loved you for years. You're all I think about,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58all through the day. And any time I'm with Marion,
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I pretend that it's you.
0:18:00 > 0:18:05You are the most ungrateful, disgusting man!
0:18:05 > 0:18:06SHE SCREAMS
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Derek! Derek! Oh, my God, Derek!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14SHE SCREAMS
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Come in.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Got a playlist for you.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23HE LAUGHS
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- I'm sorry but I have to say no to the school disco theme.- Why?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- Think of a fruit beginning with C. - This is your wedding, too.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life.
0:18:33 > 0:18:39- We're supposed to be coming up with things that make both of us happy. - You and I should get married.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40A civil partnership?
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Yeah, we wouldn't have to consummate it, of course.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45But we'd keep Zara and Cherry on the side.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- What would we do for the wedding? - Ooh, we'd have a Formula One theme.
0:18:49 > 0:18:53- We'd drive down the aisle in a Ferrari.- Music?
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- MP3 player.- Food?- Takeaway.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Sounds good! I'm not sure Cherry and Zara would go for it, though.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04OK. Erm, fine. You had your chance, Jimmi...
0:19:08 > 0:19:09..and you blew it.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16You're absolutely fine. No bones broken.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- Oh, thank goodness.- OK.
0:19:19 > 0:19:24- Here you go.- Oh, thanks. - There you are.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Oh, erm, this is Mrs Fudge. The woman I was telling you about.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Is there anyone you haven't told?
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- I'm not the only one with secrets. - Meaning?
0:19:34 > 0:19:39You say you can't get out of bed. But you were up that ladder quick enough.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42Well, it suited me to have you believe I was bed bound.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Then I could keep tabs on you.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47You've had Nurse Malone and myself giving you home visits!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50A small price to pay to save my marriage.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Our marriage is over.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00No, Derek. You haven't.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- Come in.- Any joy?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Er, no. I've tried everything from string quartets
0:20:10 > 0:20:12to country and western.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Don't you have mates in bands?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Yeah, but they all grew up and got proper jobs.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19- Oh, hang on! What about Will?- Who?
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- You know, Kim's son. He's in a band. - Are they any good?
0:20:22 > 0:20:26- I think so. They'll be cheap. Probably do it for beer money. - What they called?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Let's have a look.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35The Satanic Daffodils.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41The thing is, I do think you're lovely,
0:20:41 > 0:20:46but it's quite clear from what I saw in the attic that you're obsessed.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49And for me...
0:20:51 > 0:20:54..well, it was just a bit of fun.
0:20:55 > 0:21:00There was only ever one man in my life and he's not here any more.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10No, I can't come to Italy with you.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20Well, that'll be your last finger of Fudge.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- Is it really necessary to gloat?- No.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27But it has seen me through the past 30 years.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32Anyway, I'm prepared to overlook the whole sordid saga.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Call it the male menopause.
0:21:36 > 0:21:42Anyway, Derek, why don't you make me a nice cup of tea and we'll say no more about it.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48How can you say that? You haven't even heard them.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50The clue is in the name.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54When I was young, I dreamt of a wonderful wedding.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56A beautiful dress.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00I did not dream of the Satanic Daffodils.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03OK, look, they've got a website. Maybe we should just listen to them.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07DEATH METAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Yeah, they're a bit raw.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Raw? You'd get salmonella from them.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19- He's a good kid. It'd be nice to get him involved. - He can help out in the cloakroom.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22But if the Satanic Daffodils are playing,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24then the wedding is off.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31DEREK: There's no fool like an old fool.
0:22:31 > 0:22:34What are you going to do now?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Make some tea. Do you want some?
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Do you really think you can just pretend nothing's happened?
0:22:40 > 0:22:44Oh, no. There'll be a reminder every day.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47It'll be like Chinese water torture.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I was looking forward to going to Italy.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Still, I can always look it up on the internet.
0:22:52 > 0:22:56Derek, you don't need Suzy to see the world.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Well, I can't go by myself.
0:22:58 > 0:23:02Plenty of people start a new life alone. You just have to be brave.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06- I've never been that. - Well, ask yourself,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10- can it be any worse than the life you've got now?- Derek!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13When am I going to get this cup of tea?
0:23:13 > 0:23:17When you learn how to use a kettle!
0:23:17 > 0:23:21- Heston! Oh, Heston!- I thought we were meeting in the Icon.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Yeah, we were. Now, don't bite my head off.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- How you planning on getting there? - In my car.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29But I don't think that's a wise idea.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Sudden head movements. Earth starts to move.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37- Well, I know, but, erm...? - Never fear. Your chauffeur is here.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39You be Lady Penelope, I'll be Parker.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- I don't want to put you to any trouble.- No trouble at all.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47Look, I like classic cars and I'd make an excellent Mr Toad.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Poop, poop!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Come on.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Well, good luck.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03- Thanks.- Don't forget your clothes! I don't want them.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07- Oh, dear.- I deserve it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10And I hope, one day, she'll find someone who makes her happy.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14- And the same goes for you. - I'm happy now.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Yeah, you only get one chance and this is it.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- What are you going to do?- What I should have done 60 years ago.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Start living.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23I must say, you're being very brave.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Ah, well...
0:24:26 > 0:24:29..it's not the end of the world!
0:24:36 > 0:24:41Now, she's precision engineered and responds to the lightest of touches.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43So, not used to my sledgehammer fingers, then?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45I will be gentle.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- I think it'll be OK if I drive very carefully.- Don't think about it!
0:24:48 > 0:24:53I will drive you today, tomorrow and the rest of this month if necessary.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Come on.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04This isn't just going to go away, Heston.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07What's the matter?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Heston?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Erm...
0:25:16 > 0:25:19There is, erm...
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- Sorry, this is difficult.- It's OK.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Go on.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26You have to promise not to tell anyone.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28I can be discreet.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34The reason I don't...
0:25:36 > 0:25:37It's OK.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41The reason...
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I don't want them to think I'm getting old.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50What?
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Ready for the knackers' yard.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Heston, nobody here thinks that! If anything,
0:25:56 > 0:26:00they think of you as a priceless antique from another era.
0:26:00 > 0:26:05I want to turn you upside down and find the hallmark on your bottom.
0:26:05 > 0:26:10It's going to be all right. You worry too much.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34You can't keep me here. It's inhumane.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- Is this one going to bounce? - Just take the cheque.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Said he had new things coming up.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42He didn't say anything about it to me. No change there.
0:26:42 > 0:26:47- I didn't mean to offend you. - We may not have high-flying careers,
0:26:47 > 0:26:48but we don't need your pity.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Richard, pleasure to meet you.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Pleasure to meet you.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:11 > 0:27:14E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk