0:00:30 > 0:00:33'It was a morning like any other.'
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Police? Nigel Whiteley here.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Grangeview Estate Neighbourhood Watch.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43I want to register a complaint.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Yes, again!
0:00:47 > 0:00:50'No milk for his cornflakes.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54'Not the best start to another boring day on the job.'
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- There's no milk.- Hmm?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59For my cornflakes. There's no milk!
0:00:59 > 0:01:03It's not the best start to another boring day on the beat.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06What?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I just had the strangest sense of deja vu.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14See you've got your nose stuck in that again. What are you doing?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17None of your business!
0:01:17 > 0:01:21- Oh, so you're keeping secrets from me now, are you?- A woman has needs.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22What, and I don't?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Well, I don't know!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26You tell me what your needs are
0:01:26 > 0:01:28and I'll see what I can do about fulfilling them.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- You could start with buying milk. - Milk?
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- I offer you the world, and you ask for milk!- I don't want the world.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36I want cornflakes.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- You know what you really want? - Breakfast?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Some imagination. PHONE BLEEPS
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Might give you an idea where you can shove your cornflakes!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Oh, no! Narky Nigel.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Who's Narky Nigel?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Some Neighbourhood Watch liaison crank.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55He's been driving CID mad with his constant calls about
0:01:55 > 0:01:58break-ins and anti-social behaviour.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I've managed to avoid him so far, but, you know.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- Well, I'd better get going. - This conversation isn't over!
0:02:04 > 0:02:05What, about Narky Nigel?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Or the milk?
0:02:08 > 0:02:11No, the one about your imagination, or lack of it!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20'He looked back, seething with a mixture
0:02:20 > 0:02:24'of anger and a passion he couldn't quite place.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28'Suddenly, his bulk filled the doorway.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30'She looked up. He'd scared her.'
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Rob, you scared me!
0:02:33 > 0:02:38'If it was imagination she wanted, imagination she'd get.'
0:02:38 > 0:02:41If it's imagination that you want...
0:02:42 > 0:02:44..it's imagination you'll get.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Cornflakes and double cream?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54The cream is not for the cornflakes.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59In that case, can we have some honey?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06'OK. Stop.'
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- No, don't stop!- Never.
0:03:08 > 0:03:14'He poured the honey, drizzling it on his wife's aching, yearning...'
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Karen, I said that's enough.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- I haven't finished yet! - Oh, I think you have.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Really.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26That's it for now, guys. I'll see you back here at the end of the day.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Karen? A quick word.
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- You hated it. - "Hate" is a very strong term.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- Disliked?- I'm not sure there's a word that adequately describes
0:03:36 > 0:03:39how I feel about your prose.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Let's focus on the bigger issues.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Your writing feels a little... - Jackie Collins?
0:03:45 > 0:03:49Meets Benny Hill. It doesn't feel real.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- But I thought that was the point. To make things up.- Within reason.
0:03:52 > 0:03:56The best writing comes from observation. What we see around us.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59What we feel about it. You work in a health centre, right?
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- Yeah.- And what do you see there? - Sick people.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04And how do you feel about what you see?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Queasy?
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Look deeper.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11You work in a place where people come for help.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Where they're healed. Given hope.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Have you ever been to a health centre?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19There must be a thousand stories from real life to draw on.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I just want one.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24One good story.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26By the end of the day.
0:04:37 > 0:04:42Between 5am and 7:30am, my home was broken into
0:04:42 > 0:04:43by a person or persons unknown.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Now, I'm not the first victim, and I won't be the last,
0:04:46 > 0:04:49so if you saw anything or heard anything, I'm ready
0:04:49 > 0:04:51to take witness statements, right?
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Look, walk... Walking away won't solve the problem!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59I know some of you have been victims!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Only by sticking together, will you...
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Johan, Johan!- I didn't see anything, Nigel.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07No, you must have done! This is the third time.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I didn't, I'm sorry. Now, let me pass. I have an appointment.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20I'm looking for the local Neighbourhood Watch liaison,
0:05:20 > 0:05:22and I'm going to guess that's you, sir.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24What kind of a response time do you call this?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- I call it about average. - Yeah, average.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Be a good way of describing your entire outfit.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34The third incident in as many weeks and we get some tired-looking, indifferent, Mr Plod!
0:05:34 > 0:05:39No wonder the police force is getting a bad name.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44Why don't you take that gormless look off your face, son?
0:05:44 > 0:05:45What's wrong with you?
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Nigel?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Nigel Whiteley?
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Sarge?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Rob?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Oh!
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Oh!
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Rob Hollins?
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- Hey, what are you doing here? - Working.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16Er, have you checked the rota?
0:06:16 > 0:06:18No, not that type of work. This type.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Oh, your creative writing course! How are you doing with that?
0:06:22 > 0:06:23I'm better at zorbing, to be honest.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Oh, Karen!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Oh, I can't believe this
0:06:27 > 0:06:30is scarier than throwing yourself down a hill in a big ball!
0:06:30 > 0:06:34I've got till the end of the day to come up with a story. From this lot!
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Oh, I don't know. I mean, they might look...
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Drab? Uninspiring?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43..normal.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46But scratch the surface, and who knows
0:06:46 > 0:06:51what dark and mysterious secrets lurk beneath?
0:06:51 > 0:06:55Lint, if Mr Robinson's anything to go by!
0:06:55 > 0:06:59Well, Mr Robinson is probably a bad example, but the theory is the same.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00This place is full of characters,
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Karen. They've got their own stories, journeys....
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Characters, you say?- Yeah.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Dark and terrible secrets?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Oh, yeah!
0:07:14 > 0:07:16There you go, sir.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Oh, cheers.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Well, well, well!
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Who'd have thought it? Sergeant Nigel Whiteley, back from Manchester.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27How long's it been? 20 years?
0:07:27 > 0:07:2922 years, nine months.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32Nine months. There you go. You've always had a head for figures.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35No, I always had a head for facts, son.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38So, you made Sergeant.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40'Course I did! I had the best teacher!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42It's all in the past now.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44You finally retired?
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Last year.- Yeah, is that when you came back?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Yeah. I wanted to see home again.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Yeah, of course you did.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- How's Maureen?- She's fine.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Look, we've got all the time in the world to catch up.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00You're here to do a job!
0:08:00 > 0:08:02- Yes, I am. That's right. - Nothing's been stolen,
0:08:02 > 0:08:06but it's a mess. I've preserved the crime scene as much as possible.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Yeah, I've seen that. Who'd have thought it, eh?
0:08:08 > 0:08:13Neighbourhood Watch Narky Nigel would be my favourite old Sergeant!
0:08:13 > 0:08:14"Narky Nigel?"
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Is that's how I'm known by the police force nowadays?
0:08:26 > 0:08:29He's handsome, isn't he?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Married.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Familiar. Where have I seen him before?
0:08:33 > 0:08:38Here. His name's Johan Meyer. Third consult in as many weeks.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43- What's his problem? - Don't know. Maybe he's diabetic?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Or a hypochondriac?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Johan? Again?- I had to see you...
0:08:49 > 0:08:50OK.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55Or maybe there's nothing wrong with him at all!
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Married. Nervous. Seeing Zara again and again. Doesn't take
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- a genius to work out what's going on here.- She's pregnant!
0:09:01 > 0:09:03But Daniel and Zara have been arguing!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Heavily pregnant.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07It causes all sorts with your hormones!
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Don't let your imagination run wild with you, Karen.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Are you kidding? That's the whole point!
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Look, I know a broken window and a bit of food on the floor
0:09:19 > 0:09:21don't seem like the crime of the century to you guys,
0:09:21 > 0:09:25but this is my home. And it's not just me.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Other people have heard and seen strange things outside their home.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Look, I've kept a log book.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38By themselves, each crime looks petty. You put 'em all together,
0:09:38 > 0:09:40you've got a pattern.
0:09:42 > 0:09:47Hmm, well. Maybe there is more to this than meets the eye.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48We could solve this.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51If we work together.
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Just like old times.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Yeah?
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- Yeah?- Maybe.- Right then. We can start with this.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- What is it?- CCTV.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07I hooked up me own street surveillance camera last week.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17I shouldn't...
0:10:17 > 0:10:18But you will.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23- I can't...- But you must!
0:10:23 > 0:10:24I'm married!
0:10:25 > 0:10:28That's what makes it so exciting!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38What on earth do you think you're doing?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Well?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Erm, I was, I was just checking the door.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45KNOCKING
0:10:45 > 0:10:47For what?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Karen.- Yeah?
0:10:49 > 0:10:50Go away!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Okey-dokey!
0:10:54 > 0:10:57So, you've set up your own CCTV camera.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Yeah, a 320-gigabyte system.
0:11:00 > 0:11:05CCTV, DVR, four CCD cameras, plus smartphone access.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Right.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- I guess I must come across as a bit of an anorak, right?- No, no, no.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16There's nothing wrong with that.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19However, there is a slight problem with conducting
0:11:19 > 0:11:22a surveillance operation on a public street!
0:11:22 > 0:11:24I'm the local Neighbourhood Watch liaison!
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Is that in the remit? - It's necessary.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29As you well know, that is an invasion of privacy.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33If the police won't do anything about the burglar of Bertrand Road,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35then it's up to the private citizen to take up the slack.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40Do your neighbours know that you've set up this camera?
0:11:40 > 0:11:43I mean, do you even know that there's a burglar at all?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Because according to our records, nothing has been reported lost
0:11:46 > 0:11:50or stolen. All there's been so far is a succession of broken windows!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52That's how it starts! A broken window here,
0:11:52 > 0:11:55a bit of criminal damage there. Before you know it,
0:11:55 > 0:11:58the natural order's broken down. Zero tolerance, Hollins!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00You understood that once upon a time!
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Nigel, can I ask you a question?
0:12:05 > 0:12:06What?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Where's Maureen?
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Where's your wife?
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Nigel?
0:12:22 > 0:12:26Manchester, she stayed.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27She left me.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Retirement not what you expected?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33It wasn't what Maureen was expecting.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34She found it boring.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38She found me boring.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48I'm sure that's not true. Come on, let's get something to eat.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Come on.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Hey, what are you doing?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Oh, what's the point? I'm never going to pass!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08You won't if you don't try!
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Oh, I am trying! I'm just no good at it.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I've got to meet my tutor later. I haven't even got a story!
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Yeah, but you've got a character. That's a start!
0:13:15 > 0:13:18I mean, every story has a beginning, a middle and an end,
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- with a few turning points thrown in. - Maybe you're right.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Where are you going?
0:13:24 > 0:13:27- Erm, to find a turning point.- Oh.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Look, if you won't tell your wife, I will!
0:13:32 > 0:13:34I came to you for help, not threats!
0:13:34 > 0:13:36This has gone too far! It has become a police matter!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39I just need time to think about how I'm going to break it to her.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Johan!
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Let me guess.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57You're checking the door?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Actually, erm, the walls.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06So this is what you're doing, hiding here?
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Hiding? Who says I'm hiding?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Maybe I'm just hanging out.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- That's your story?- Yeah.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Not very good, is it?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Getting better all the time!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23This is sublime!
0:14:23 > 0:14:25Really?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29More than sublime. It's transformative.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32I don't know what that means, but it sounds good...
0:14:32 > 0:14:35It means you have a gift. You could be the next...
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- Katie Price?- Barbara Cartland!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Oh, blimey! Well, that's your teaching.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Oh, no, you can't teach this.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47You can only feel it.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Oh, knackers! This isn't real, is it?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- You back with me?- Mm? Hmm?
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Your eyes, you had this look. As if you were...
0:15:02 > 0:15:06- A million miles away?- You were definitely somewhere else.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10There's not much here, is there?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13I mean, there's a couple of characters.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15A germ of an idea. But no story.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Well, it's a work in progress.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I mean, there's lots of potential. It's going to be dramatic...
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Why are you doing this, Karen?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26You gave me a deadline!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29No. I mean, why are you doing the course?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32What do you want to get out of it?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Erm, well, I don't know.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Erm...
0:15:37 > 0:15:41There's a couple of girls and me at work doing a bucket list thing,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44you know, zorbing, Zumba dancing.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46But this, I wanted to do on my own.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50I suppose I'm looking for something. Something different.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Different to what?- My life.- Why?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- Is there something wrong with your life?- No.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59It's just a bit mundane. Real life is, isn't it?
0:15:59 > 0:16:00No.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03It only ever seems to be. But it rarely ever is.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06The best writing, the most beautiful writing,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09comes from observing those small moments.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12You need to dig deeper.
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Dig deeper.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17What do you... What does anybody want out of a story?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- Er, entertainment? - Yes, but more than that.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- Escape?- Partly. - Bang for your buck?- Truth.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25(Truth.)
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Find out what your characters want.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31What does Johan want? What does Zara want?
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Then ask yourself what they need.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36That's where you'll find your story.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39How am I supposed to know what they need?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Think of it like a detective.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- Your husband's a police officer, isn't he?- Yeah.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46What would he do?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52My name's Johan Meyer.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55You're the officer who came to Bertrand Road this morning.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Yes, that's right. Is it about the break-in?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Well... It's about my wife.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- Is she all right?- No.
0:17:03 > 0:17:09I don't know. She's fine. At least, I think she is.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10You think she is?
0:17:10 > 0:17:13- I'm not making much sense, am I? - Not really. Not so far.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16Mr Meyer, are you OK?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Why do you ask?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Well, it appears you've got blood on your shirt.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Oh, that. It's not mine.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Well, whose is it, then?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- Look, er, I've got to go. - No, no, hang on a minute.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33I can't. I'm sorry for wasting your time.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40He's a funny fish, that one.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41In what way?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Well, for the first six months, him and his wife
0:17:43 > 0:17:46were the nicest pair of neighbours you could wish for.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Then a month or so ago, they changed.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- How did they change? - Just stopped being neighbourly.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55He installed a fortified gate!
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Changed the locks on his doors, that sort of stuff.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00I thought you said there was a burglar in the neighbourhood?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03And I thought you didn't believe me!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Come on, I'll give you a lift home.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08We'll sort this thing out once and for all.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Have you seen Zara?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Er, she just popped out.
0:18:12 > 0:18:16- Any idea where she went?- Called out on an emergency house call.
0:18:16 > 0:18:21- Oh, really? Which patient? - I don't know. It was a private call.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Blimey!
0:18:46 > 0:18:49'Zara? It's me, Johan.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54'I tried, but I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I need you to see her.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56'Come, please.'
0:18:56 > 0:19:00I'm not sure what you think you're going to find that I haven't!
0:19:00 > 0:19:04Sometimes, a fresh pair of eyes can make the difference, can't it?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Anyway, until CSI arrive, I'll have to do.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08I've had 40 years in the force.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11I think I know me way around a crime scene!
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Yeah. So, shall we assume that the window was broken from the outside?
0:19:15 > 0:19:20Naturally. You can tell immediately from the broken glass fragments.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23The burglar made his entrance by smashing the glass to gain access
0:19:23 > 0:19:26to the kitchen window locking mechanism.
0:19:26 > 0:19:27It's all in the logs!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- And then you closed it?- No!
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Like it says in my notes - I left everything exactly as I found it!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- That's a bit odd then, isn't it?- What is?
0:19:35 > 0:19:40That the window is closed and locked from the inside. I mean, why would a burglar do that?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42How did he get out?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44He must have used the back door.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46No, that's impossible!
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I double locked. You can't get in or out without a key.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51I don't get it, cos he wouldn't have gone back out the window.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54So he either went through the front door, or...
0:19:57 > 0:19:59BOTH: Or he's still here.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05CAT MIAOWS
0:20:06 > 0:20:09There's your burglar of Bertrand Road!
0:20:11 > 0:20:15Hey, it's a cat burglar! Nigel, it's a cat burglar!
0:20:20 > 0:20:22SHE KNOCKS ON DOOR HEAVILY
0:20:24 > 0:20:26What would Rob do?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Come on, Nigel.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Sarge? I wasn't laughing at you!
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Nigel, what really happened to Maureen?
0:20:45 > 0:20:49- NIGEL SOBS - After 40 years...
0:20:49 > 0:20:52she left me!
0:20:52 > 0:20:54You miss it, don't you?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58That's what all this is about, eh? Isn't it? The Neighbourhood Watch,
0:20:58 > 0:21:00the CCTV, the quest for the burglar.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04There were two constants in my life -
0:21:04 > 0:21:08my job and my wife.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I don't know anything any more.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Anything.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19Now, you listen to me.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23I said, listen to me!
0:21:24 > 0:21:28You are Sergeant Nigel Whiteley.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Mentor, leader, inspiration.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36You don't have to prove anything to anybody. And if Maureen's too selfish
0:21:36 > 0:21:40or too stupid to know that, then it's her loss. Right?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
0:21:44 > 0:21:49And that cat didn't break that window.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Then who did? His accomplice?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- POLICE RADIO:- Security company reports break-in in progress
0:22:00 > 0:22:02at 49 Bertrand Road.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- That's Johan's place!- 7244 received.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10Yeah, I'm next door. I'll be there in a minute. Come on!
0:22:14 > 0:22:19Hello? Anyone home?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23- ZARA:- 'See you later.'
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Zara!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- You won't get away with this! - I already have!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39It doesn't have to be this way!
0:22:39 > 0:22:41You brought it on yourself!
0:22:41 > 0:22:45You had to tell my wife my terrible secret.
0:22:45 > 0:22:50I begged you not to, but you di-i-id!
0:22:51 > 0:22:52Now...
0:22:55 > 0:22:57you both have to pay.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59What terrible secret?
0:22:59 > 0:23:03My secret. The terrible one! The one you told my wife.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09The reason you're both tied up down here!
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Why can't I remember?
0:23:11 > 0:23:15Because it's all made up. It's inside her head.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Whose head?- Hers!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19'Stop! Police!'
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Whoa. Get off me! I'm not...
0:23:24 > 0:23:26- Rob?- Karen?
0:23:26 > 0:23:28Your wife's the burglar of Bertrand Road?
0:23:28 > 0:23:32I'm not the burglar of anywhere! Who's that?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Don't you remember Sergeant Whiteley? What are you doing here?
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Looking for Zara. Check in the cellar! Something terrible's happened!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Zara's in trouble! He's got her down there
0:23:41 > 0:23:43with his wife!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Karen, Zara is here, with Mr Meyer and his wife.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47Zara, you're safe!
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Yes. Are you checking the floor?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54No, I...
0:23:54 > 0:23:56I was shouting out for you. There was no answer!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59We were upstairs. I was treating Mrs Meyer's hand.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Then what's in the cellar?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07A cupboard.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Well, I thought... I, I, I saw on the desk... I heard the message!
0:24:11 > 0:24:14He's dangerous! He's got parasomnia!
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Johan doesn't have parasomnia.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19My wife does.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21'Parasomnia, it turns out,
0:24:21 > 0:24:24'is a type of sleep disorder.'
0:24:24 > 0:24:28Apparently, it involves abnormal and unnatural movement, behaviour,
0:24:28 > 0:24:34emotion, perception, and dreams that occur whilst asleep.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39'About 4% of adults experience some form of sleepwalking.'
0:24:39 > 0:24:43This can be as minor as sitting up in bed, walking to the bathroom
0:24:43 > 0:24:48and cleaning, or as freaky as cooking, driving, losing it
0:24:48 > 0:24:53with your bloke or, as in this case, it can be as simple as repeatedly
0:24:53 > 0:24:55leaving one's own home,
0:24:55 > 0:24:58and breaking into the neighbours'.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02'Sometimes people, loved ones,
0:25:02 > 0:25:04'can take more drastic action.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10'So in the end, there was no great mystery of the cat burglar
0:25:10 > 0:25:12'of Bertrand Road.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15'No sordid affairs. No dank dungeons,
0:25:15 > 0:25:17'no terrible secrets.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20'These were nothing more than the fanciful creations
0:25:20 > 0:25:22'of an overactive imagination...
0:25:23 > 0:25:27'This was about a young wife with a rare condition
0:25:27 > 0:25:32'and her terrified, overprotective, loving husband.'
0:25:34 > 0:25:36The end.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39THEY APPLAUD
0:25:40 > 0:25:42That was sublime.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Really?
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Transformative.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- You're not going to kiss me, are you? - What?
0:25:48 > 0:25:51I'm just checking it was real!
0:25:51 > 0:25:52That was a lovely story, Karen.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54And my last.
0:25:54 > 0:26:00I prefer my fiction stranger than fact.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- Weird day.- You're telling me!
0:26:14 > 0:26:17If you ever got bored with me...
0:26:17 > 0:26:19you would tell me, wouldn't you?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Yeah. Silly question. 'Course you would.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Ask me what's for dinner.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29What's for dinner?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Now, ask me what's for pudding.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43What's for pudding?
0:26:50 > 0:26:53What are your first impressions of Harmony Heights?
0:26:53 > 0:26:54It's very welcoming.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Ow! It's drilling and filling I need.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00I have to make myself an emergency appointment today.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02Stuff your review!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04And listen, in any case, who the hell do you think you are
0:27:04 > 0:27:06trying to tell me what to do?
0:27:06 > 0:27:09I want the name of your dentist! He's put the snap back
0:27:09 > 0:27:11- in your elastic.- Was it awful?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13It's done now.
0:27:25 > 0:27:31Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:31 > 0:27:37E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk