0:00:31 > 0:00:33Age inappropriate or what?
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Excuse me!
0:00:35 > 0:00:36I thought I looked all right.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39The older you get, the lower your hemline should be. In my day...
0:00:39 > 0:00:43In your day what? It was all right to be an ageist body fascist?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I'm only saying.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48- If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.- What?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- So I should let your mother make a fool of yourself?- I'm not a fool!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- You've got to admit!- What?! - You know.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55What?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- Bit mutton.- I was having fun!
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Remember fun?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Yeah, yeah. Course you were.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05But you're more of a chocolate and chick flick girl these days, aren't you?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07At least I can still have a laugh!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I'd rather be embarrassing than a boring old far...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14I forgot!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Oh yeah, you forgot it's results day.
0:01:16 > 0:01:17I did!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20How come you're so chilled out?
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Are you all right?
0:01:21 > 0:01:24I over-boogied! I did shots.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Rock on, sister!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31What?!
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Crawler.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Can I help it if I'm a people person?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Ah, rock off, you creep.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Thirsty work.
0:01:41 > 0:01:42Oh!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Oh! Thanks for that.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49There should be a law against beetroot.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53The rest of the carpet's going to look a bit shabby once this is gone.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Unsightly.
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Still, the Japanese believe damaged things have more history
0:01:58 > 0:02:01and are therefore more beautiful. They would make a feature of it.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I would like you to clean the whole carpet.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06After all, we are not Japanese.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07I can do that.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11I wonder if I could ask your advice.
0:02:11 > 0:02:16I had a lodger who liked to take his cocoa in bed.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17He was a dribbler.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19How disgusting!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- The machine I hired from the dry cleaners...- Useless?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23It smelt of cats.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I shift cocoa.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27How much?
0:02:27 > 0:02:2950 quid.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30It is only a small room.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Cash and I'll throw in your hall, stairs and landing. Cocoa? Beetroot? No problem.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38- And I work evenings, shall we do it tonight?- Tonight?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40OK. Yes.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42PHONE RINGS You better get that.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Hiya. Where are you?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Home. Charlotte's mum dropped me off.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49'How long before you get here, then?'
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Where's here?
0:02:50 > 0:02:51'The Mill Surgery.'
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Can I get a taxi?
0:02:53 > 0:02:57If you have to. We've got a long day ahead of us. I've just picked up another job for tonight.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I'll order a cab before I jump in the shower.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01You've not had your shower yet?
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Laters.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Rob's right.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13What? Why?
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Because Rob wants to go on a Saga holiday and join the National Trust?
0:03:16 > 0:03:20If you Google mutton dressed as lamb, you get a picture of me.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Don't be silly.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25I'm a member of the National Trust!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- So am I, but we had a laugh, didn't we?- We did shots!
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Baaa! Mutton.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Rock concerts, rock climbing, country pubs and country fairs, I want it all.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35I won't be defined by a number.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Exactly!
0:03:37 > 0:03:41We can be cutting edge, we can be cosy, we can be whatever we want.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I'm not that kind of a woman that won't go into a pub without male company,
0:03:44 > 0:03:46and drink Babycham and sweet sherry.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I'm not into drinking pints.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50But you could if you wanted to.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53What do you say? Tonight? Bit of a yomp, find a pub, conversation,
0:03:53 > 0:03:59real ale, half a pint, one of those homemade pies in an oval dish with puffy pastry on the top.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02That comes from a central warehouse.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06OK, but if that bar is full of yokels...
0:04:06 > 0:04:08I'll drive.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Fine. So tonight is going to be cosy and conventional, which will be...
0:04:11 > 0:04:13< Get in, you beauty!
0:04:13 > 0:04:18Back of the net! # Aced it! I fudgin' aced it...
0:04:18 > 0:04:21# Aced it! I fudgin' aced it Aced it! I fudgin' aced it! # Yeah!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Apparently, he fudgin' aced it.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Anything you need anything at all, you call me, OK?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- Results are out!- Oh.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41MANDY SQUEALS
0:04:41 > 0:04:43What's your password?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46"I kick Kevin's ass" - lower case, all one word.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- Oh, I can't look.- Come on!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56THEY GIGGLE
0:05:00 > 0:05:01So?
0:05:01 > 0:05:04That can't be right, hold on.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09That can't... That can't be right.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Blip?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Blip!
0:05:13 > 0:05:17Erm, I haven't failed an exam since I was in the first year.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21That was a blip cos it didn't matter but this, this is bomb blast.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25How did you know the results were out?
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Kevin.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Tell me.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34He did really well.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Great.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40Yeah, that's really great...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I'm really happy for him.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- I wish I was a hat person. - Such a pity you're not.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49All aboard!
0:05:51 > 0:05:56I took my eye off the ball for one second and the gods poke me in it,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58so...how is this fair?
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Oi, oi, oi! Look, this is a set back, yeah? It's not a disaster.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05You'll retake and you will pass.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- You were born... - It's not that simple.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10..to be an amazing doctor.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12And you will be supported.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17KEVIN WOLF WHISTLES
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Don't let me stop you.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Oh, course, have you come to gloat?
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- Come on in. Come on, come on in.- Gloat? No.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29I was perving over the girl-on-girl action. Why, what's there to gloat about?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32- As if you don't know. - Know what?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Hey, you, what's up?
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Tell me.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41She has to resit.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Ah, man. I'm sorry.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- Is there anything I can do to help? - Freya will be fine.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I'll make sure she's fine, thank you.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56I'm fine, I just, erm...
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- ..I can't face anyone right now. - OK, are you going home?
0:07:02 > 0:07:05OK, well, I'll keep an eye out and let you know when the coast's clear.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Here, you take that, that'll get you back in the game.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14And that's real champagne, it's none of that Cava!
0:07:14 > 0:07:18My advice, you give the fizz some wellie.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Oh, come here.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- FREYA CRIES - Oh, baby.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Oh, see, it is raining!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37If you really can't bear the thought of a few spots of rain...
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Well, if I had a hat...
0:07:40 > 0:07:42We can go straight to a pub.
0:07:42 > 0:07:48- Good!- Or I could drive to the seaside and we can play slot machines, if you like?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Pub's fine.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Ah!
0:07:52 > 0:07:53- Ow!- What?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55I've got something in my eye!
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Don't rub it.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Hang on, hang on.
0:07:58 > 0:08:05Somewhere in my bag I have just got a packet of...tissues?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- That's a spliff.- Julia!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11I didn't put it there!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Giggle weed? Goofy boots!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Julia, you didn't?!
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Well, no, this had been in my bag all day!
0:08:18 > 0:08:19I'm a drugs mule!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21It looks very professional.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Where'd you get it from?
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Obviously somebody put it in my bag last night.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Oo-er, missus! What did you have to do to get that?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- I didn't do anything.- It's a gift?
0:08:33 > 0:08:38Well, I mean, it would be rude not to accept a gift?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41It's drugs, Elaine!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Oh, hello! It's not even VERY illegal any more.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Just a puff?
0:08:45 > 0:08:48A taster to say we'd done it.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Yeah, but what if it's that skunk stuff?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- It could make us all go a bit funny. - It's supposed to!
0:08:54 > 0:08:57THEY LAUGH
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Ah, hello!- Everything all right?
0:09:07 > 0:09:12- I just wondered if you would like a hot drink?- Oh, that'd be lovely!
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Now, I've got this eco-friendly solution that'll shift that cocoa
0:09:15 > 0:09:17but, honestly, apart from those spots,
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I don't think I've ever been asked to clean carpets that are well...
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- so clean!- Thank you.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Coffee?- Black.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27You do realise that your daughter is still outside?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Oh, yeah, she's a white with two sugars.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Laters.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I have just put the kettle on.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43White with two sugars, please.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- Beating around the bush will only help to fan the flames.- Pardon?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- So I am going to tell you what I think.- Right.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52I think you should spend less time talking on your telephone
0:09:52 > 0:09:54and more time helping your mother.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56She has just moved all this equipment
0:09:56 > 0:09:58and now she is moving furniture.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00She'll shout me if she needs me.
0:10:00 > 0:10:04Maybe you should see if she needs help BEFORE she has to shout!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08I'll just get something from the van and then I'll be in.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Thank you.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25This is definitely one of the baddest things I'VE ever done.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27It's not the baddest thing I've ever done.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31I once performed a sexual act in an art gallery.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33THEY GASP AND LAUGH
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Julia, where've you done it?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39An art gallery's nothing, I once...
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Oh, no, you have got to promise,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- both of you, that you will never, ever, ever...- Oh, no, wait!
0:10:45 > 0:10:50It's like that thing that happened on the...on the telly...
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Damn good puff.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- That show?- Erm...Mr and Mrs!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I remember that!
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- # Mr and Mrs be nice... # - Or it's Urban Myth...
0:11:02 > 0:11:08# Mr and Mrs love one another... #
0:11:08 > 0:11:09"Herbert, you stay with me
0:11:09 > 0:11:12" and Nancy you go through to the soundproof booth."
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Did I watch that show?
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Let her talk!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18So, Herbert, right, is asked,
0:11:18 > 0:11:20"Where's the most embarrassing place...
0:11:20 > 0:11:25"was that you've ever made love to your wife was?"
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Was it with celebrities?- Shush!
0:11:28 > 0:11:33So, Nancy is in the soundproof booth, with the glittery headphones on,
0:11:33 > 0:11:35and her husband's giving it all,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37"Well, the most embarrassing place I've ever made love to my wife
0:11:37 > 0:11:40"was on the mother-in-law's sofa."
0:11:40 > 0:11:41- We've all done that?- Shush!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43THEY LAUGH
0:11:43 > 0:11:45So, when she comes out the booth
0:11:45 > 0:11:47she's got to give the same answer as her husband
0:11:47 > 0:11:50to win a speedboat, or whatever it was.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Lawn mower.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53Whatever!
0:11:53 > 0:11:56THEY GIGGLE
0:11:57 > 0:12:02So, right, she's dead embarrassed and the bloke, the presenter bloke,
0:12:02 > 0:12:04he wants an answer!
0:12:04 > 0:12:08So, she thinks for a bit, and giggles, and says "Up my..."
0:12:08 > 0:12:10OWL HOOTING
0:12:10 > 0:12:12THEY GIGGLE
0:12:12 > 0:12:14KNOCK ON DOOR
0:12:14 > 0:12:18I've got to pop back to the yard, will you be long, love?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- Five minutes.- OK!
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Better get this champagne on ice then.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I'm going to go and have a bath.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Where is your mother?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03She's had to go back to the yard for something.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06There is a smell in my bathroom.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11I may have been born at night but I was not born last night.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Do what?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Ganja.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16That is what my bathroom smells of.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20That and eau de toilette given to me at Christmas
0:13:20 > 0:13:22by a dear friend and colleague.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Nah, I got some body spray off the market
0:13:25 > 0:13:27it's a bit herbal but I like it.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Oh, show it to me.
0:13:28 > 0:13:33- I finished it.- Oh, please, do not compound your offences with lies.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37I know what my bathroom smells of and I know what you have been doing.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Sorry.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43Does your mother know that you are a drug user?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I'm not! That was the first time. Are you going to tell her?
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Do you even know what cannabis is?
0:13:49 > 0:13:50A herb?
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Cannabis is an entry level drug.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06When you see a man lying in the street,
0:14:06 > 0:14:09wet from his own vomit,
0:14:09 > 0:14:12soaked in his own urine...
0:14:12 > 0:14:18that man, that...poor lost addict,
0:14:18 > 0:14:21has been smoking marijuana cigarettes.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25I won't do it again, I haven't got another one -
0:14:25 > 0:14:26please, don't tell my Mum.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29They use hydroponics to grow it.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32It is genetically modified.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35It reduces mental capacity and inhibits learning.
0:14:35 > 0:14:40- I'm really sorry. - Not to mention the profits from its evil trade
0:14:40 > 0:14:45being used to finance sex trafficking and terrorism.
0:14:45 > 0:14:50Now, do you really want prostitutes and Semtex on your conscience?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Do you?
0:14:53 > 0:14:58Do you promise me that this will be the last time you will smoke?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- Yes.- You promise me?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Please, don't tell her.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Very well, IF I have your word.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16You do.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Open.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28THEY GASP
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Mmm.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Open.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Mmm.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I'd forgotten how good chocolate is.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39We need more chocolate.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41And Hula Hoops.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Ladies, seatbelts.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Whoop!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49THEY LAUGH
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Slow down, slow down.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Are all your lights working?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I don't know!
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Still too fast.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Act natural.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Now I'm stuck in this boring house ALL day...- You!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Got to go. That's not mine!
0:16:19 > 0:16:21You lazy, spoilt, ungrateful little sod!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23This is a customer's house!
0:16:23 > 0:16:26I'm only here cos I'm doing this scuzzy job in this scuzzy house for you!
0:16:26 > 0:16:28For me? This is business.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30You think you're some sort of fantastic entrepreneur?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32You scrub other peoples' mess up! Please.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36What is going on here?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Nothing. A minor disagreement.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- Menopause, more like. - You want to know what the matter is?
0:16:41 > 0:16:43I have a self-centred cow for a daughter, that's what!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Mother, customer's house(!)
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I have tried so hard to build up this business!
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Like you're so wonderful with your Chamber of Commerce meetings -
0:16:51 > 0:16:53don't make me laugh!
0:16:53 > 0:16:56All her life I've tried to be a good role model and now look.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- You're a cleaner, am I REALLY supposed to be impressed?- What?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Ladies, please!
0:17:01 > 0:17:05I've worked all the hours God sends to keep you in the lap of luxury and what do you do?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08She managed a couple of piddling GCSEs
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- and she FAILED all her A levels. - Because you never made me go to school.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Cos you thought you were so clever you didn't have to!
0:17:13 > 0:17:18- You should never have had children...- If you are going to shout and argue in my home,
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- then you are inviting me to speak my mind.- Fine. Do.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26When I tried to make her go to school she screamed and kicked. What d'you think of THAT?
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- So?- And once she'd stuffed up her A levels did she enrol to do retakes?
0:17:30 > 0:17:31I thought about it.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34No, she stayed in bed smoking her wacky backy with her friends,
0:17:34 > 0:17:38whilst her embarrassing scrubber of a mother handed her everything on a plate.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Is this right? You allowed your daughter to smoke drugs?!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45I didn't enrol cos SHE wouldn't take me!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Would it have killed you to have got on a bus?- Two buses!
0:17:49 > 0:17:54You've got no idea. Yes, I let her but, quite frankly, nobody could have stopped her.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57I have heard enough!
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Evening, madam.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Can I help you, officer?
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Can you tell me what the speed limit is on this road?
0:18:12 > 0:18:1660 miles per hour is the national speed limit
0:18:16 > 0:18:18for a single carriageway road -
0:18:18 > 0:18:22unless signed differently.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Was it signed differently, officer?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29You were travelling at less than ten miles an hour.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39Please, step out of the car, ladies.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- I think we need to get to the bottom of this.- Bottom.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43THEY GIGGLE
0:18:46 > 0:18:47'You know what I think?'
0:18:47 > 0:18:52I think we don't think about revising
0:18:52 > 0:18:56or resitting or any of the "re" words.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00I think we could just chill out. Tomorrow's tomorrow.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I'm staying in here for the rest of my life!
0:19:02 > 0:19:04MANDY LAUGHS
0:19:04 > 0:19:05OK.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08You know you've got a basic misunderstanding
0:19:08 > 0:19:10of immersion therapy there, right?
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Don't care.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Oh, well, is there anything you need?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17If you decide to embrace a towel later?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- Chips.- Pardon?
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Chips.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Did you just say you want a bag of chips?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Chippie chips.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Right, and are you going to get out of the bath if I get you chips?
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- You cannot ignore your responsibilities...- She does.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47..and neither can you. You are not a child
0:19:47 > 0:19:50and you cannot blame your mother for all your failings.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Do you not care for each other at all?
0:19:54 > 0:19:55She should have gone to school.
0:19:55 > 0:20:00And you should not have allowed her to smoke anything in your home.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01And you,
0:20:01 > 0:20:05you are a grown woman who should be ashamed
0:20:05 > 0:20:09of the way you have abused your mother's love.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10I hate cleaning carpets.
0:20:10 > 0:20:14You should see some of the filth and of the creeps and cretins...
0:20:14 > 0:20:16What else can you do?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20- I wanted to do marketing.- What?!
0:20:20 > 0:20:24Then you need to rethink your habits and your attitude.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28See if your mother is willing to support you in your quest to get qualifications.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31It is all my fault.
0:20:33 > 0:20:38In Africa they say children will hate all those who give all things to them.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Thankfully this can be corrected.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Can it not, young lady?
0:20:47 > 0:20:48I could resit my A levels?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51And are you willing to support her?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55She knows I'd support her in anything.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Support her properly?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Yeah.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03And you will stop exploiting your mother's soft nature
0:21:03 > 0:21:05and stop smoking that poisonous weed?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Good.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15Then the airing of tonight's dirty laundry has not been pointless.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26Leave it to me, I know how to work the Dibble.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29JULIA LAUGHS
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Oh...
0:21:30 > 0:21:32(What if Rob catches us?)
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- He won't he's not on duty. - Lucky! Where is he?
0:21:35 > 0:21:39He's got a list, he's doing a big shop.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Hey! Phew, lucky dude!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50You three, interview room. Now!
0:21:55 > 0:21:58You still in the bath?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01No, I'm in here.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03MUSIC: "Love Is A Losing Game" By Amy Winehouse
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Are you all right?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Listen...I've been thinking...
0:22:11 > 0:22:13..I know what I want.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Well, it better not be a chicken and mushroom pie
0:22:15 > 0:22:18cos I've already got you a piece of fish now!
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Would you come down here, please?
0:22:21 > 0:22:25This is me trying to be all insightful and romantic, thank you.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31I don't need champagne and chips to make me feel better.
0:22:34 > 0:22:35Cos I am better.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41I'm better than I've ever been...and that's cos of you.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Are you going to resit your exams?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Yeah.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Cos, you see, I've got this amazing support network.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Yes, you have.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03- Still having chips though, right?- Too right!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06MANDY LAUGHS
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Thank you.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12No, thank you. We needed our heads banging together!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15- No, no, it was no trouble! - I'm sorry about the perfume.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19As long as you promise to look after your mother.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Right.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24We could cook tonight.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26We could, couldn't we?
0:23:31 > 0:23:32I'm waiting.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34You're supposed to be at the Co-op.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37Anyway it's not illegal.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39Yes, it is.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42And now there is an official warning under your name
0:23:42 > 0:23:47- on all government databases and in CRB checks.- Rob, I...
0:23:47 > 0:23:50We'll hear from you later, Mrs Smile-and-Look-Natural.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Oh, come on...- Do you want to say something? Really?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55No.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It was just one little joint.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Do you want to know the stats on RTCs and substance abuse?
0:24:01 > 0:24:05I'm so sorry I never thought about driving under the influence.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I was a bit high. I just did it.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11Dealers target wet-behind-the-ears fools like you
0:24:11 > 0:24:14and sometimes they even put opiates in the grass
0:24:14 > 0:24:17to make it that extra bit more-ish so the mugs come back for more.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- I can't handle opiates! - You smoked that!
0:24:20 > 0:24:22What's in it?
0:24:22 > 0:24:27It went to the lab and then we sent it straight to the canteen.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31"The Canteen," what's...? Is that some big drug thing?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- What's the canteen? - It's like off The Wire, right?
0:24:33 > 0:24:38- What do you mean? - It means that it wasn't cannabis...
0:24:38 > 0:24:39it was tarragon.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44You got high on a culinary herb.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48THEY LAUGH
0:24:48 > 0:24:52So... In point of fact,
0:24:52 > 0:24:58- we haven't actually done anything wrong, have we?- No.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02You weren't stoned, you were stupid.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05And you haven't done anything that I can charge you with
0:25:05 > 0:25:11because being thick and embarrassing isn't an offence!
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Get out of my sight.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22- It was only tarragon.- Yeah, so you only thought you were off your face.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Real cool, real mature.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- Oh, shove it up your...- Whoa! - THEY LAUGH
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- Yeah, it was well boring. One minute. - KNOCK ON DOOR
0:25:36 > 0:25:39So, we cookin' on gas, or what?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Hang on.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42I fancy chips.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- Oh, really?- Yeah, we can cook tomorrow?
0:25:46 > 0:25:50OK, well, I'll go get them.
0:25:53 > 0:25:54Mum!
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Don't go Big Frank's, their curry sauce is minging.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07Listen, I've got to stay in a couple of nights,
0:26:07 > 0:26:10my mum's being 'really special',
0:26:10 > 0:26:14but she doshed me up so can you drop off 50 quid's worth in the morning?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- You're kidding, aren't you?- What?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22After the embarrassment you and your friends caused me?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25I said I was sorry.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Cos they loved it down at the station!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Was I having Camberwell Carrot soup for my tea?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Was I going to listen to the Doobie Brothers on the way home from work?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35I ran you a bath.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38You act like a kid, you get treated like a kid. So, off you pop.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Seriously, Rob? SERIOUSLY?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Go and sleep in our Jack's bed and think about what you've done!
0:26:59 > 0:27:02There's a house in Kingsvale being used as a brothel.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05It'll be a curtain twitcher who's got the wrong end of the stick.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08Oi, Matty. What did I tell you?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- You're not a kid any more... - So stop treating me like one.
0:27:11 > 0:27:1220 is the rate for a couple,
0:27:12 > 0:27:15it'll be another tenner per additional occupant.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Never mentioned that when I booked.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19My girlfriend's in labour but the ambulance won't make it.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21OK... Right, erm...
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd