The Grocer's Apostrophe

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0:00:27 > 0:00:35# I get along without you very well

0:00:35 > 0:00:39# Of course I do

0:00:39 > 0:00:44# Except when soft rains fall

0:00:44 > 0:00:49# And drip from leaves Then I recall

0:00:49 > 0:00:57# The thrill of being sheltered in your arms. #

0:00:59 > 0:01:03- 'Can't you just ask him?' - Ask him yourself.- 'I did.'- And?

0:01:03 > 0:01:06- He told me to get a bus. - 'Well, get a bus then.'

0:01:06 > 0:01:08But I need to get some books from Ian.

0:01:08 > 0:01:11'That's one bus there and two back to the Mill.'

0:01:11 > 0:01:14- You gave Immie a lift. - 'Cos Immie's working here!'

0:01:14 > 0:01:17I have to get the bus when she's working on campus.

0:01:17 > 0:01:19Immie! Haven't you got something to do?

0:01:19 > 0:01:23- ..Morning!- Morning!

0:01:23 > 0:01:27- That was Dr Cassidy. Stop showing us up.- Me?!

0:01:27 > 0:01:30Isn't that the point of family therapy, to see us as we really are?

0:01:30 > 0:01:34No... Yes, but...

0:01:34 > 0:01:38I don't care how you get here. Whether you take one bus or two, or crawl.

0:01:38 > 0:01:42- Just make sure you're here for 12.30 sharp. OK? - Fine. See you later.

0:01:42 > 0:01:45It's like herding cats.

0:02:15 > 0:02:19- Going out?- Yes, just had a phone call from Heston.

0:02:19 > 0:02:23- There's a problem with the temp receptionist at the campus.- A dud?

0:02:23 > 0:02:26I think his exact words were, "as useful as a chocolate teapot."

0:02:26 > 0:02:30- You could send one of us.- No, that would leave you short here.

0:02:30 > 0:02:33It's Karen's last session with Elaine, so I'll go.

0:02:33 > 0:02:35Whatever you think's best.

0:02:35 > 0:02:39Cherry's taking another day off, so there's a temp nurse there as well.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42Maybe all the patients will take a day off as well.

0:02:42 > 0:02:45That's how life works, right?

0:03:05 > 0:03:08When you ask, "How do you spell Aloysius,"

0:03:08 > 0:03:11- do you mean how do- I- spell Aloysius, in the sense that

0:03:11 > 0:03:14- I- may spell it differently to the way others spell it?

0:03:14 > 0:03:17Or do you mean how does ONE spell Aloysius?

0:03:17 > 0:03:20Or, to put it another way, how is Aloysius spelled?

0:03:20 > 0:03:23Um, hello.

0:03:23 > 0:03:25I'm the practice manager, Julia Parsons.

0:03:25 > 0:03:32- It's OK, Hermione, you take a break. - I'm Aloysius Harvey and I'm here to have my sprained ankle examined.

0:03:32 > 0:03:35OK, I'm sure we can find a doctor to see you.

0:03:35 > 0:03:39- You might have to wait though. - I saw a doctor once.

0:03:39 > 0:03:41He didn't see me, though.

0:03:41 > 0:03:44(I was hiding.)

0:03:46 > 0:03:51- How long would I have to wait? - Not long, I hope.

0:03:51 > 0:03:55But with this amount of patients and one nurse and one doctor...

0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Number.- I'm sorry?

0:03:58 > 0:04:01You meant "the number of patients."

0:04:01 > 0:04:07"Amount" is used for nouns that you don't put a numeral in front of, such as glue, water, luck.

0:04:07 > 0:04:11"Number" is used for nouns that you can count, such as patients.

0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Yes.- Please don't be offended.

0:04:15 > 0:04:19It's my calling to leave no solecism, no error of punctuation

0:04:19 > 0:04:22or misspelling uncorrected.

0:04:22 > 0:04:25My equivalent of a doctor's Hippocratic oath.

0:04:25 > 0:04:29- Uh-huh. - I know your head aches.

0:04:29 > 0:04:36I know you're tired. I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window.

0:04:36 > 0:04:42But think what you're trying to accomplish. Just think what you're dealing with.

0:04:42 > 0:04:47The majesty and grandeur of the English language...

0:04:47 > 0:04:49..It's the greatest possession that we have.

0:04:49 > 0:04:54The noblest thoughts that ever flowed through the hearts of men

0:04:54 > 0:04:59are contained in its extraordinary, imaginative and musical mixtures of sounds.

0:04:59 > 0:05:01Do you two know each other?

0:05:01 > 0:05:06In as much as we're both admirers of the great George Bernard Shaw.

0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Pygmalion.- Who's next?

0:05:10 > 0:05:13Aloysius Harvey, meet Dr Carter.

0:05:16 > 0:05:19George Bernard Shaw. Not exactly fashionable.

0:05:19 > 0:05:22Fashion is overrated.

0:05:22 > 0:05:28- I quite agree. So, how may I help you?- Sprained.

0:05:28 > 0:05:32I was advised to come back after ten days to have the bandage changed.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35- How did you do it?- Quite simple. I fell off a ladder.

0:05:37 > 0:05:40A war wound, you might say.

0:05:40 > 0:05:44- One o'clock?! You told me half twelve!- So you'd be here on time.

0:05:44 > 0:05:47Instead of ten minutes late.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49Yeah, well maybe if you trusted me a bit more,

0:05:49 > 0:05:52I'd be a bit more...trustworthy.

0:05:52 > 0:05:54That is really lame!

0:05:54 > 0:05:57You can wait in the staff room. Go on.

0:06:01 > 0:06:04Sorry I'm late, love. Traffic.

0:06:04 > 0:06:08- That's OK. I've moved it back to one o'clock.- Oh, good.

0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Lauren, I'll leave you to it? - Of course.

0:06:12 > 0:06:16- You didn't move it back at all, did you? You sly old... - Less of the "old!"

0:06:16 > 0:06:21- So, you're a student at the university?- Postgraduate. I'm writing my Master's thesis.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23Move your foot up and down.

0:06:23 > 0:06:26It's entitled "The Pedigree of Nations."

0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Ah... Boswell.- Indeed.

0:06:29 > 0:06:33The subtitle is - "On the corruption of language and the consequent decay of meaning."

0:06:33 > 0:06:36The zeal of youth. Now move it in a circle.

0:06:37 > 0:06:42- I prefer to think of myself as a crusader rather than a zealot. - Does that hurt?

0:06:42 > 0:06:45A little discomfort. Not too bad.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48I didn't fall far.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51What exactly were you doing up a ladder in the first place?

0:06:51 > 0:06:55- I was correcting a Grocer's Apostrophe.- A what?

0:06:55 > 0:06:59- A misplaced apostrophe on a shop sign.- A grocer's shop?

0:06:59 > 0:07:01This one happened to be above a music shop.

0:07:01 > 0:07:05The sign read - "CD's, DVD's and Book's."

0:07:05 > 0:07:10All apostrophised. An apostrophe is acceptable on the first two...

0:07:10 > 0:07:14Debatable, but acceptable... but not on "books", which is a simple plural.

0:07:14 > 0:07:17But CD's and DVD's?

0:07:17 > 0:07:21It could be a mark of elision to show that letters had been left out.

0:07:21 > 0:07:26Compact d-isc-s and digital video d-isc-s.

0:07:26 > 0:07:29Or digital versatile d-isc-s.

0:07:29 > 0:07:32Interestingly, the etymology isn't clear.

0:07:32 > 0:07:36- Anyway, I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. - Very broadminded of you.

0:07:36 > 0:07:39You're not patronising me are you, Dr Carter?

0:07:39 > 0:07:41It's a compulsion.

0:07:41 > 0:07:45For example, recently, I wrote to Birmingham City Council

0:07:45 > 0:07:51about a missing apostrophe on a local road sign. You might know it. St Pauls Road.

0:07:51 > 0:07:53Can you imagine their response?

0:07:53 > 0:07:58They said that the council had banned apostrophes. Banned them!

0:07:58 > 0:08:02Who do they think we are? Americans?! Australians?!

0:08:02 > 0:08:08To add insult to injury, they said that it was to avoid confusion.

0:08:08 > 0:08:14Punctuation avoids confusion, not the lack of it!

0:08:14 > 0:08:16Forgive me.

0:08:16 > 0:08:20Simply, I believe correctness is courtesy.

0:08:20 > 0:08:26Lack of courtesy soon becomes rudeness, and rudeness is the first step towards violence.

0:08:28 > 0:08:32First of all, I'd like to say how nice it is to have the whole family here.

0:08:32 > 0:08:36We all thought it was important, didn't we? Cos it's our last session.

0:08:36 > 0:08:39Didn't we?

0:08:39 > 0:08:43- How have things been since the last time we met?- OK.- All right.

0:08:43 > 0:08:47When, for instance, was your last argument?

0:08:47 > 0:08:50- Ha-ha! About ten minutes ago. - We argue all the time.

0:08:50 > 0:08:54- But it wasn't real.- How do you mean, not real?- Well, it was...

0:08:54 > 0:08:58It was like banter. Like all families.

0:08:58 > 0:09:02- Go on.- For instance, Jack said

0:09:02 > 0:09:04he wanted to make a cup of coffee

0:09:04 > 0:09:09- and Immie said she wanted a cup of tea.- Even though she probably didn't even want one.- I did!

0:09:09 > 0:09:13- Sure. If I say black, she says white. If I say left, she says right. So childish.- Jack.

0:09:13 > 0:09:17- He winds me up on purpose! - Anyway, the upshot is that no-one got a drink.

0:09:17 > 0:09:20- You stepped in to reinforce rules? - No.- There wasn't any milk.

0:09:23 > 0:09:27So, the American student said, "Sir, can you tell me where the library's at?"

0:09:27 > 0:09:31The professor said, "Young man, this is Oxford University.

0:09:31 > 0:09:34"It behoves you to know you can't put a preposition at the end a sentence."

0:09:34 > 0:09:37The American said, "Gee, I'm sorry.

0:09:37 > 0:09:41"Can you tell me where the library's at, you pompous ass?"

0:09:41 > 0:09:47- You've heard it before.- It's more that, I fear, in that situation, I'd probably be the professor.

0:09:48 > 0:09:51Yeah. Well, I think your ankle's going to be fine. Take it easy,

0:09:51 > 0:09:54let pain be your guide. You should be able to walk on it.

0:09:54 > 0:09:59- I'll give you a prescription for some anti-inflammatories. - I don't like pills.- Your choice.

0:10:00 > 0:10:03I'd be interested to hear your views on the decaying standards in English.

0:10:03 > 0:10:07I used to be a little like you. Put language on a pedestal,

0:10:07 > 0:10:11old is good, new is bad, there's a right way and a wrong way.

0:10:11 > 0:10:13But, with time, I've mellowed.

0:10:13 > 0:10:19You can't embalm a language. Change is good. Change is inevitable.

0:10:19 > 0:10:24Change isn't good, Dr Carter. Improvement is good.

0:10:24 > 0:10:27Well, I know what is good - passion.

0:10:27 > 0:10:30And I have nothing but admiration for yours.

0:10:31 > 0:10:37- Thank you. Dr Carter, it's been a pleasure.- Likewise.

0:10:37 > 0:10:41Well, I'm definitely proud of them. All of them.

0:10:41 > 0:10:48But, at the same time, I feel embarrassed by them. Is that possible?

0:10:48 > 0:10:51If that's how you feel, then it's definitely possible.

0:10:51 > 0:10:57It's when we're all together and carrying on like we do,

0:10:57 > 0:11:02I suddenly see us how other people might see us.

0:11:02 > 0:11:06- I just wish we were a bit more normal.- No-one's normal.

0:11:06 > 0:11:09I know.

0:11:09 > 0:11:12But there's more normal and less normal.

0:11:12 > 0:11:15OK. Anyone else want to speak?

0:11:15 > 0:11:18I will.

0:11:19 > 0:11:25I just wanted to say that since I made up my mind to take my re-sits,

0:11:25 > 0:11:29I've felt a lot better.

0:11:29 > 0:11:32- Sort of...relieved.- Relieved?

0:11:32 > 0:11:37It's not that I'm looking forward to taking the exams.

0:11:37 > 0:11:41I think it's because there's something certain in the future.

0:11:41 > 0:11:44A way forward. I don't feel like I've had that for months.

0:11:45 > 0:11:48OK. Anyone else?

0:11:48 > 0:11:50Can I just...?

0:11:50 > 0:11:56I also wanted to say that I'm sorry.

0:11:56 > 0:12:00I've genuinely had a hard time trying to get my head straight.

0:12:04 > 0:12:11And I'm really sorry for putting you all through everything that I've put you through.

0:12:13 > 0:12:17- That's all. - That's great, Imogen. Thanks.

0:12:17 > 0:12:19Anyone else like to speak?

0:12:25 > 0:12:28I suppose that I've learned a few things too.

0:12:30 > 0:12:34No, you've got October there. We're in August.

0:12:36 > 0:12:39Just popping out for a sandwich. Can I get something for you?

0:12:39 > 0:12:42Not so fast, Sir Laurence Olivier. You've got a visitor.

0:12:42 > 0:12:47- Dr Carter! - Probably corrected your prescription and given you marks out of ten.

0:12:47 > 0:12:51I wondered if I can invite you to join me for a spot of lunch?

0:12:51 > 0:12:53- My treat, of course. - Well, actually...

0:12:53 > 0:12:56I know it must seem unusual, but I was very interested

0:12:56 > 0:13:00in what you said earlier about how your views on standards have changed.

0:13:00 > 0:13:06It occurred to me that I can't expect to complete my thesis without including opposing views.

0:13:06 > 0:13:09Especially when they're so well expressed.

0:13:09 > 0:13:14- I'm very flattered... - I'd be so grateful.- Well, why not?

0:13:16 > 0:13:19It'll be fine. I'll be back in an hour.

0:13:20 > 0:13:23If you can get your head through the door.

0:13:24 > 0:13:27Benvenuti, Signori. Table for two?

0:13:27 > 0:13:30- Two glasses of prosecco? - Si, grazie mille.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Ah! Parli Italiano? - Solo un po.

0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Una piccola casa in Toscana! - Toscana! Bellissima!

0:13:36 > 0:13:40- Just water for me, please.- Va bene. I will leave you to study the menus.

0:13:40 > 0:13:46If you like veal, I recommend the vitello piccata. Grazie, signori.

0:13:47 > 0:13:51Well chosen, young man. Modest, convivial, authentic.

0:13:51 > 0:13:53I shall be adding it to my list.

0:13:53 > 0:13:56- Oh, dear.- What's that?

0:13:57 > 0:14:04"Deserts" rather than "desserts." And "potato's" with an apostrophe.

0:14:04 > 0:14:06Do you ever get invited anywhere twice?

0:14:09 > 0:14:10You're right.

0:14:11 > 0:14:13I mustn't obsess.

0:14:14 > 0:14:18- So, pasta?- Or...- What are you...?

0:14:20 > 0:14:21You can't...

0:14:21 > 0:14:24- Let me know if you see the manager coming back.- Aloysius!

0:14:27 > 0:14:31There... "Desserts." And now...

0:14:31 > 0:14:36possessive, misspelled "potato" apostrophe "s"...

0:14:36 > 0:14:40becomes simple plural "potatoes."

0:14:40 > 0:14:42Done! Catch.

0:14:52 > 0:14:56- Hi. I'm here to see Elaine Cassidy. - Do you have an appointment?

0:14:56 > 0:15:00- No. I'm a friend. - Is she expecting you?

0:15:00 > 0:15:03- No.- Can I ask you what it's about?

0:15:03 > 0:15:06No. I'm sorry, it's personal.

0:15:06 > 0:15:09But it is very important that I see her.

0:15:09 > 0:15:12She's got patients with her at the moment.

0:15:12 > 0:15:15If you take a seat, I'll give her a message when she's free.

0:15:15 > 0:15:19- What's the name?- Fiona...Smith.

0:15:23 > 0:15:26Bene. Grazie, signori.

0:15:26 > 0:15:30You can't just deface other people's property.

0:15:30 > 0:15:35- You mean you think I shouldn't, of course, not that I can't. Not that I am physically not able.- Aloysius,

0:15:35 > 0:15:38- on reflection...- I'll be back in a moment.- Where are you...?

0:15:45 > 0:15:47I can't be a party to this.

0:15:48 > 0:15:52What do you think you're doing? Writing on my menus?!

0:15:52 > 0:15:54Correcting two errors. You'll notice how neatly.

0:15:54 > 0:15:58- Are you taking the Mick? - I'm sure we can sort this out if we just stay calm.

0:15:58 > 0:16:02- You let him do this?- There's nothing I could do.- You should know better!

0:16:02 > 0:16:07You think your English is better than mine because I'm Italian? I've lived here all my life, mate.

0:16:07 > 0:16:10It's not personal. Anyway, I imagine your printers are English.

0:16:10 > 0:16:13- They should know how to spell and punctuate.- I think you should leave.

0:16:13 > 0:16:16This is all just a misunderstanding.

0:16:16 > 0:16:24- It's not about being foreign. It's to do with being ignorant. - You calling me ignorant? You racist!

0:16:24 > 0:16:28- I think he means ignorant in the very literal sense of not knowing something.- Does he?

0:16:28 > 0:16:32Well, I think he's an ignorant pillock in every sense!

0:16:32 > 0:16:36And don't take this too personally, but I think you should get out!

0:16:36 > 0:16:39Now! You and your dad.

0:16:39 > 0:16:44- He's not my...- Out! - Wouldn't you prefer clear, literate and properly punctuated menus?

0:16:44 > 0:16:48I thought you'd appreciate it. I'm sure your customers would.

0:17:01 > 0:17:05- And don't come back!- How dare you!

0:17:07 > 0:17:11Dr Carter, I can only apologise, unreservedly.

0:17:11 > 0:17:15I have never, EVER been thrown out of a restaurant! It is humiliating!

0:17:15 > 0:17:20I regret absolutely having put you in an awkward and embarrassing position,

0:17:20 > 0:17:25and I hope it doesn't jeopardise your excellent standing in the community.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28- If there's anything I can do to make amends...- It's a bit late now.

0:17:28 > 0:17:35It's a compulsion. I did try to warn you. But I don't mean any harm.

0:17:35 > 0:17:41I hope you'll see it as an eccentricity, and today as an adventure.

0:17:41 > 0:17:44Adventure or not, lunch is definitely over.

0:17:46 > 0:17:51For me, at least, it's been a pleasure.

0:17:55 > 0:17:57Goodbye, Dr Carter.

0:18:06 > 0:18:11And even if everyone wasn't in the sessions together, I think the whole process has made us...

0:18:11 > 0:18:13closer.

0:18:15 > 0:18:19Thank you, Rob. That was very truthful, very brave. It seems

0:18:19 > 0:18:22you're beginning to listen to each other as a family.

0:18:22 > 0:18:25Family is the building...

0:18:25 > 0:18:28Excuse me, we're in a session here. Are you looking for someone?

0:18:28 > 0:18:30Elaine Cassidy.

0:18:30 > 0:18:33- I'm Elaine Cassidy.- You?

0:18:33 > 0:18:37- Yes. And you are?- My name's Fiona.

0:18:37 > 0:18:41- Excuse me...- Fiona Kellor. We've never met,

0:18:41 > 0:18:43but you know my husband, Harrison Kellor.

0:18:46 > 0:18:50How was lunch with mini-me?

0:18:50 > 0:18:53- A mini disaster. - Did he correct your bad English?

0:18:53 > 0:18:58- Poor English. Bad implies a moral judgement.- Excuse me? Are YOU correcting me now?!

0:18:58 > 0:19:02Sorry, I don't know where that came from. He's right. Once you start, you can't stop.

0:19:02 > 0:19:05Because I will take it once in a day from a patient,

0:19:05 > 0:19:07but not twice, and certainly not from you!

0:19:07 > 0:19:10- PHONE RINGS - We are not finished.

0:19:10 > 0:19:14- Campus Surgery, hello?- 'I need to speak to Dr Carter immediately!'

0:19:14 > 0:19:18- Er...- 'Dr Carter!' - Just hold on a moment, Mr Harvey.

0:19:18 > 0:19:23- 'I need Dr Carter now!' - I think you'd better, Heston. It sounds urgent.

0:19:23 > 0:19:25I'm sorry, this is really not appropriate.

0:19:25 > 0:19:30Appropriate?! You slept with my husband! Look at me! You want to tell ME what's appropriate?!

0:19:30 > 0:19:33- I'm sure we can talk about this at a better time. - Better for you, you mean.

0:19:33 > 0:19:36Things don't always come at convenient moments, do they?

0:19:36 > 0:19:41They come along inconveniently, and get in the way and ruin things.

0:19:41 > 0:19:44- Things like skinny, dried-up, interfering...- Just a minute!

0:19:44 > 0:19:48- You can't come... - I think I can! I've got things to say and I'm going to say them.

0:19:48 > 0:19:51- You slept with her husband?- Rob!

0:19:51 > 0:19:54- Harrison Kellor, the forensics guy? - Now is not the time!- Really?

0:19:54 > 0:20:00You've spent quite a lot of time delving into MY private life, and you've been happy to sound off

0:20:00 > 0:20:05- about our boundary and honesty issues.- Boundaries?! Honesty?! You're a filthy hypocrite!

0:20:05 > 0:20:10- Excuse me, love. I understand that you're upset, but this is a private session.- Rob!

0:20:10 > 0:20:14- You two need to find a time and a place to sort this out, but it's not here and it's not now.- Rob!

0:20:14 > 0:20:18Sit down, you big ape! Can't you see she's pregnant?

0:20:20 > 0:20:23- Philistine!- Nutter!

0:20:23 > 0:20:26- Neanderthal!- Aloysius?

0:20:26 > 0:20:31Dr Carter, please tell this baboon who I am and convince him to return my thesis!

0:20:31 > 0:20:35Hello, Doc. Is he one of yours? You need to section him and get him out of here

0:20:35 > 0:20:38- before he hurts someone, or himself. - He's not exactly...

0:20:38 > 0:20:40We were having lunch.

0:20:40 > 0:20:44- Look at him! Mad as a box of frogs. - What exactly is going on?

0:20:44 > 0:20:50He's been going mental, is what. Tearing pages out, ripping up books. University property.

0:20:50 > 0:20:52And "thesis?!" I don't think so!

0:20:52 > 0:20:56- Give it back! - This is evidence.- It's OK, Aloysius.

0:20:56 > 0:21:01- Barry, do you know him? - Used to be a student here till he got sectioned a couple of years ago.

0:21:01 > 0:21:05Sectioned? OK.

0:21:07 > 0:21:11- Aloysius? - And his name's Alan, by the way.

0:21:11 > 0:21:13Aloysius!

0:21:13 > 0:21:17Aloysius? Alan?

0:21:17 > 0:21:23- Do you hear that?- What? - That scrabbling sound.

0:21:23 > 0:21:27Like little claws.

0:21:27 > 0:21:30It's all the punctuation moving about in the books.

0:21:30 > 0:21:33Changing places!

0:21:33 > 0:21:35And sometimes...

0:21:35 > 0:21:37some of it escapes.

0:21:40 > 0:21:43Last night, I found your number in his mobile phone

0:21:43 > 0:21:45and I asked him who you were. He said he'd met you

0:21:45 > 0:21:49at a conference. He was trying to be casual about it,

0:21:49 > 0:21:51but he kept adding more and more detail.

0:21:51 > 0:21:55Too many details. He's a bad liar.

0:21:55 > 0:22:00So eventually, I asked him if you'd slept together.

0:22:00 > 0:22:05He just nodded and started to cry.

0:22:05 > 0:22:09I have nothing but contempt for him, for how weak and pathetic he is.

0:22:09 > 0:22:12But you...

0:22:12 > 0:22:16I have nothing but loathing for you.

0:22:17 > 0:22:21You tried to steal my husband and ruin my family.

0:22:21 > 0:22:25You took advantage at the most vulnerable time in our married life.

0:22:25 > 0:22:27I had no idea you were pregnant.

0:22:28 > 0:22:32So that's the line you wouldn't have crossed, is it?

0:22:32 > 0:22:38I've been wondering. Married, yes. Pregnant, no.

0:22:38 > 0:22:39You make me sick!

0:22:45 > 0:22:47Aloysius.

0:22:48 > 0:22:53Here's your thesis. "The Pedigree of Nations."

0:22:53 > 0:22:55Remember?

0:22:55 > 0:22:58You're going to have to organise it.

0:22:58 > 0:23:02"Order is heaven's first law."

0:23:02 > 0:23:04- Alexander Pope.- That's right.

0:23:09 > 0:23:12I'm going to call an ambulance.

0:23:12 > 0:23:14In the meantime, we should give him some space.

0:23:14 > 0:23:18- I already called the police. - There was no need to involve them.

0:23:18 > 0:23:21I didn't know what he was going to do next.

0:23:21 > 0:23:24Anyway, he's a schizo. It was two against one.

0:23:27 > 0:23:30I'm sorry you had to be here for this.

0:23:30 > 0:23:33At least now you know the kind of person you're dealing with.

0:23:37 > 0:23:41You are never to go near my husband again.

0:23:41 > 0:23:43Or speak to him. Do you understand?!

0:23:51 > 0:23:56I think the best thing to do is to pick up where we were before.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01You've got to be joking!

0:24:06 > 0:24:08Are you...?

0:24:17 > 0:24:21I'll find out who's treating him, then meet you at the hospital.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24Ambulance. From the Latin, "ambulare," to walk.

0:24:24 > 0:24:27But it's instead of walking, do you see?

0:24:27 > 0:24:29It's going to be OK, Aloysius.

0:24:37 > 0:24:41Oi! Who threw that? Come on, who was it?

0:24:41 > 0:24:44"I hate a fellow whom pride, or cowardice,

0:24:44 > 0:24:49"or laziness drives into a corner and who does nothing

0:24:49 > 0:24:54"when he is there but sit and growl.

0:24:54 > 0:24:58"Let him come out as I do, and bark."

0:25:00 > 0:25:03Who said that?

0:25:03 > 0:25:05Come on! You're students.

0:25:07 > 0:25:10Samuel Johnson.

0:25:10 > 0:25:12He would have known.

0:25:12 > 0:25:17So I take it you're not mocking his love of the English language?

0:25:17 > 0:25:18Is it because he's different?

0:25:20 > 0:25:23I've got news for you, we're all different.

0:25:25 > 0:25:28You're laughing at yourselves.

0:25:38 > 0:25:42- So that was family therapy? - More like an episode of EastEnders!

0:25:42 > 0:25:44- Maybe we're more normal than we thought!- Need a lift?

0:25:44 > 0:25:50- Nah. Me and Immie are going to get a coffee.- And a tea.- See you.

0:26:01 > 0:26:04Poor Elaine.

0:26:04 > 0:26:07Poor Elaine?

0:26:07 > 0:26:09You're kidding, aren't you?

0:26:09 > 0:26:12I'm not saying what she did was right, but still,

0:26:12 > 0:26:14poor Elaine.

0:26:56 > 0:26:59People will think we're going to bulldoze kiddie cancer wards,

0:26:59 > 0:27:01or make supermarkets take over heart operations.

0:27:01 > 0:27:06With the Health Minister? One o'clock today.

0:27:06 > 0:27:08- What is that?!- Frogspawn.

0:27:08 > 0:27:11- We made a stand.- She's having a nervous breakdown out there,

0:27:11 > 0:27:13and you two are just being selfish.

0:27:13 > 0:27:16I can manage, thanks. I'm... Oh!

0:27:16 > 0:27:18Stop!

0:27:25 > 0:27:29Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:27:29 > 0:27:33E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk