0:00:32 > 0:00:35# When that I was a little tiny boy
0:00:35 > 0:00:37# With hey ho
0:00:37 > 0:00:40# The wind and the rain
0:00:40 > 0:00:43# A foolish thing was but a toy
0:00:43 > 0:00:45# And the rain
0:00:45 > 0:00:47# It raineth
0:00:47 > 0:00:49# Every day
0:00:53 > 0:00:55# Every day. #
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Egg yolk, mustard or canary yellow?
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Canary yellow. That shade's really you!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Yeah, Julia loves...vibrant colours.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Well, she's such a vibrant person.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11And so stylish.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Are you sure these are trendy?
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- Got a pair myself, mate. - I want to look my best, I don't want to show her up.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19You won't. Just remember to smile.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21You've got a lovely smile, Barry.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Julia has often told me how much she likes it.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Is she here? I thought I might show myself off.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31No, she's already gone to Stratford.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33I tell you what, why don't you go now?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Then you could spend more time together.
0:01:35 > 0:01:36How will I find her?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Come on, Bazza. Faint heart never won fair lady.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Now you go and you woo her.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Yes! Sod the job, for once.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48I don't mean that, the job's important but...
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Thank you.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52You've helped me so much.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56If I win Julia, it's partly down to you two.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Have we gone too far?
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Yes.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15Definitely.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20# O mistress mine
0:02:22 > 0:02:25# Where are you roaming?
0:02:25 > 0:02:29# O stay and hear
0:02:29 > 0:02:33# Your true love's coming
0:02:33 > 0:02:39# That can sing both high and low
0:02:45 > 0:02:49# Trip no further
0:02:50 > 0:02:52# Pretty sweeting... #
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- Alicia!- Martin.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55You're looking well.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Thank you. What are you doing here?!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I'm seeing Twelfth Night.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Oh, what a coincidence. So am I.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Yeah, the lady I told you about, Julia,
0:03:04 > 0:03:06she won some tickets in a competition.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Julia!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Hi.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14- Someone else I know. Alicia Hyde. Julia Parsons.- Hi.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Alicia.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Julia! Lovely to meet you.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19We've never met before?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- No, no, no, we haven't. - Are you on your own?
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Is it that obvious?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Why don't you join us for lunch? You don't mind, do you?
0:03:28 > 0:03:29No, no, it's fine.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Well, just for lunch. I'm busy this afternoon.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37Julia's chosen a restaurant, so it's bound to be good. Come on.
0:03:38 > 0:03:43# There lies no plenty... #
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I've met this man and I want to go on the pill.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57OK. Right, well, we'll need to take your blood pressure,
0:03:57 > 0:03:59but that should be fine.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Don't forget you need to use condoms too.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06So...what's he like?
0:04:06 > 0:04:10His name's Chris and he's lovely.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14Older than me. He's 18. Well, I'm JUST 18.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Today, in fact. Happy birthday!
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Thanks.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23Chris has this lovely idea. He's got some Chinese lanterns.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27We're going to get together and set them off to, you know, mark the day.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Where did you meet him?
0:04:29 > 0:04:32I went to this party, I didn't know anyone there
0:04:32 > 0:04:35and I was going to call my dad to pick me up.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Then I saw this lad sat on the stairs, on his own.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40He smiled at me,
0:04:40 > 0:04:41so I sat down by him...
0:04:41 > 0:04:43It was instant.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45We just clicked.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47We sat there talking for hours,
0:04:47 > 0:04:50and then we kissed. Nothing more.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53That was two weeks ago. I've not seen him since.
0:04:53 > 0:04:57He's just e-mailed me and said, "Let's meet up and celebrate your birthday."
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Oh, so you've only seen him once?
0:04:59 > 0:05:01He's been away for Easter with his family.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04But we've talked loads over the phone and texts and e-mails.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06He's not pressuring you into having sex?
0:05:06 > 0:05:09No! He wouldn't have to anyway, I want to.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12He's so different to other guys.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13How?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16You know what guys are like. One thing on their mind.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18You go on a date and they stick their tongue down your throat
0:05:18 > 0:05:21and their hand up your skirt and demand sex straight away.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24If you say no, they get angry and call you a tease and a slag.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Sophie, you know no-one's got the right to treat you like that?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31I know. That's why I want my first time to be with Chris.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33I know I can trust him.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Right. I'll get us some drinks.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- Julia?- Oh, gin and tonic, please.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- Alicia?- Cranberry juice. Thanks.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Alicia Hyde?!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Obviously when I met him before, I didn't use my real name.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53I pretended to be a businesswoman.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Fine. So what are you doing here?
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Mrs Tembe couldn't come, she gave me her ticket.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Then I bumped into Martin. I didn't know he was going to be here!
0:06:00 > 0:06:02You said you weren't going to ask him.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I changed my mind! We're just going to see the play
0:06:04 > 0:06:07and then we're going to stay overnight in the hotel.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09So it's back on? That's good!
0:06:09 > 0:06:13No. It's... It's not a relationship. It can't be, can it? He's leaving.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14It's just...
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Well, you know... It's no strings, no complications.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Look, he only asked out of politeness.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24As soon as lunch is over, I'll be out of your hair.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28No, you won't because we're all going to be sitting together in the play.
0:06:30 > 0:06:34This is crazy. We're just going to have to tell him your real name
0:06:34 > 0:06:35and that we know each other.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38- How?- I don't know!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Why did you say we've never met?!
0:06:40 > 0:06:41I panicked.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51# When that I was a little tiny boy
0:06:51 > 0:06:53# With hey ho
0:06:53 > 0:06:55# The wind and the rain
0:06:55 > 0:06:59# A foolish thing was but a toy
0:06:59 > 0:07:02# And the rain, it raineth
0:07:02 > 0:07:04# Every day. #
0:07:09 > 0:07:11I want to see a doctor.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Do you have an appointment?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15It's not for me. It's about a Sophie Martins. She's been here.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18I can't discuss other patients. It's confidential.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- But she's my friend. - That doesn't make any difference.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24How would you like it if we gave your medical details to anyone who asked?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Look, she said she was coming here. Is she ill? Is something wrong?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29- Please!- Why don't you tell us who you are?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I'm Chris.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34YOU'RE Chris?
0:07:36 > 0:07:42Ye Olde English pub speciality is Ye Olde English Tikka Masala.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I know, it's a tourist trap. But I promise you, the food is great.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Anyway, everything round here is Ye Olde English Pub
0:07:48 > 0:07:50or Shakespeare something.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52What, Will's Burger Bar?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Now you may joke, but let me tell you,
0:07:55 > 0:07:57there was a Will's Burger Bar.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01and they served Will's burgers and Tempest-tossed salad
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Quite an expert, aren't you? You're going to have to educate me.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05It'd be my pleasure.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08You know, really, I think I should be going.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Julia Parsons. So this is where you're hiding.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29I know we'll see each other at the play,
0:08:29 > 0:08:32but I thought I'd come down early and surprise you.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40I always knew I liked girls.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Came out to my family when I was 15.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- I've just never really... - Had a relationship before?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Soph's the first girl I've fancied, who's fancied me back.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54So, what happened?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I was at this party. I didn't know anyone,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I was going to leave and then this gorgeous girl comes past.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03She said hi. She sat down next to me on the stairs
0:09:03 > 0:09:05and we just talked for hours.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07It was just instant.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09We had a kiss.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13Then her dad came to collect her, and I heard her saying,
0:09:13 > 0:09:15"I've met this lad."
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Oh, so she thinks you're a boy?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22I can't tell her without ruining it.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I'm seeing her tonight but...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27I'm scared.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29As soon as she realises, it'll be over.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31She won't want to know.
0:09:32 > 0:09:36Julia gave me a ticket to the show. She's a very generous woman.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38I did win six of them in the competition.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41So we'll all be sitting together then?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Well, in the same row.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Actually, El...
0:09:49 > 0:09:53"Elicia" happens to be on that row as well which is a coincidence.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Of course, we don't all have to spend the afternoon together.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03This is delicious, Martin. Thank you.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Martin's getting the bill?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Yes, it's no problem.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Oh, no. I can't have that. Let me get the puddings at least
0:10:09 > 0:10:10It's fine, Barry. I'll do it.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Julia never usually lets anyone pay.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16I mean, she seems the type not to.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Anyone for some more salad? Alicia?
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Who?
0:10:21 > 0:10:26Do you know what, I'm going to... Yeah. Salad.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Me too. Get my five a day.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Must keep my strength up for later.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Yellow. Isn't it a lovely colour?
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Barry, listen. Martin doesn't know that Elaine and I know each other.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46He thinks her name is Alicia, not Elaine. It's very complicated...
0:10:46 > 0:10:48No need to say another word.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Your wish is my command.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58For once, just once, I would like to have a date
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- that is not a catastrophe.- Try not to get stressed. Breathe deeply.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05What's the point?! That's not going to get rid of Barry or those yellow trousers.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Would it help if I stayed? At least I could distract him.
0:11:08 > 0:11:13Yes, please. You could be saving his life cos if he carries on like this I'm going to kill him.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17- Get off me!- Please, Soph! Just listen!- Don't touch me!
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Were you in on this as well?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20You think it's all some joke?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21I'm not in on anything
0:11:21 > 0:11:23She said I should just tell you the truth.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26What, after lying to me for weeks?
0:11:26 > 0:11:27I wasn't lying.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30You're a girl. You pretended to be a boy.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I never pretended. You just thought I was.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35All those e-mails, all those calls...
0:11:35 > 0:11:38You could have told me. Why didn't you tell me?!
0:11:38 > 0:11:42It was finding the right time. I knew if I told you it'd be over
0:11:42 > 0:11:44and I wanted it to go on.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I meant everything I said, Soph. I love you.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51I was going to sleep with you.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53I still want to.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58That's disgusting. I'm not a lesbian.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I'm normal! I go out with boys.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03The only reason I fancied you is because I thought you were a boy.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Is that the only reason, Sophie?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07You're a pervert.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Trying to turn me into something I'm not.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13I never, ever want to see you again.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Are you all right?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22She hates me.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Eh?
0:12:27 > 0:12:31Shakespeare. Our receptionist, she's doing a quiz.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32I never liked poetry.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Do you think you might know where she's gone?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43We could to Anne Hathaway's cottage. We've got plenty of time.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- The film star? - Not that Anne Hathaway!
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Shakespeare's wife.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Here, Julia!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53What did Shakespeare say to his missus?
0:12:53 > 0:12:54I don't know.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57My Anne Hath-A-Way with words.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00No, wait a minute, I'm telling it wrong. She should say that to him.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04Barry, listen, tell me about your new job. It sounds fascinating.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Acting Assistant Head of Campus Security.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09It's a lot of responsibility,
0:13:09 > 0:13:12but I've got to get through the interview before its official.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17As the Bard says, "Some are born great, some achieve greatness
0:13:17 > 0:13:20"and some have greatness thrust upon them."
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Yep, I tell you what we need. A cup of tea. Or an ice cream.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- Have whatever you like, I'm buying. - I'm good, thanks.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27We've only just had lunch.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Well, I'll have a cup of tea. Thank you.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32We'll wait here for you, shall we?
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Quick! Let's do a runner.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Why is he behaving like this?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42He seems to think he's on a date with YOU.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Well, he isn't! I mean, I know he's had a soft spot for me
0:13:45 > 0:13:48but he's never been encouraged, I can assure you.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49In fact, the opposite.
0:13:49 > 0:13:53- Is he normally this eccentric? - No, that's what I don't understand.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55All the dressing like that and the grinning...
0:13:55 > 0:13:58It's like he's unhinged.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00He could be having a manic episode
0:14:00 > 0:14:02or some kind of breakdown.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Oh, come on. He's harmless.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Or erotomania.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09- Eroto what?!- It's where the sufferer becomes obsessed by someone,
0:14:09 > 0:14:11usually someone who's completely uninterested in them,
0:14:11 > 0:14:14but they're convinced they return their feelings.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18We need to talk to him calmly, find out the root of his delusion.
0:14:18 > 0:14:19He's coming back.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22What's up?
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Have I splashed me trousers?
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Mind if I join you?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44SOPHIE SNIFFS
0:14:47 > 0:14:49We're all worried about you.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Why? I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55That's why! Because you're not being yourself.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58I mean, the way you're dressed and all your smiling...
0:14:58 > 0:15:01It's a bit OTT, don't you think?
0:15:01 > 0:15:04No, this is the real me. I've found my true self
0:15:04 > 0:15:07and it's all down to you, Julia.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Look, Barry, I don't know where you've got this idea from,
0:15:11 > 0:15:13this delusion, but...
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Barry, I'm a trained counsellor. You can talk to me.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19You're treating me like I'm mad.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I'm as sane as any of YOU.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Except him.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24I don't know him.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Julia, you know why I'm doing this.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30No, I don't, Barry. I haven't got the faintest idea.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33What am I going to do?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I've told everyone I've got a boyfriend.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38I've put it on my Facebook page.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41My parents know and they want to meet him.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Does it matter what people think?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Course it matters! - But what about you?
0:15:48 > 0:15:49What do you think?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53He... She tricked me
0:15:53 > 0:15:56and probably finds it hilarious.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58She doesn't, believe me.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- I'm not gay.- All right.- I'm not!
0:16:01 > 0:16:06I want a lad and to have sex with a lad and be normal.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07I thought I loved him.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12I saw you when you talked about Chris.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15You said this was someone you could trust,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18the person you wanted to give your virginity to.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19None of that was real.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21OK.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27But I've done this for you, Julia.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30All of it.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31I didn't ask you to.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35You didn't have to ask. They told me what you liked.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- Who's they?- Probably the Martians controlling his thoughts.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Martin, it's not funny.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44It wasn't aliens. It was your doctors, Carmichael and Tyler.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47"Wear yellow", they said. "Julia loves the colour.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49"Julia loves it when you smile."
0:16:49 > 0:16:51They even helped me choose the cigarette pants.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Looks like they're having you on, sunshine.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Barry, it's a cruel thing to do, but it's not Julia's fault.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59But it was a date. You gave me a ticket.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01That's how I knew it was true...
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- that you wanted me. - They were lying to you, Barry.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07I'm sorry. I'm not here on a date with you,
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I'm here on a date with Martin.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18He's not going to throw himself in the river, is he?
0:17:18 > 0:17:20I'll go after him.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Barry?
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Hey, come on, mate. There's no need for this.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34I'm not going to jump in.
0:17:34 > 0:17:35I'm not a mental.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Just stand back from the edge, OK? I'd feel a lot happier.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41I don't care about your happiness.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Look, mate. Someone's played a practical joke on you,
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- made you look a right prat.- All right! There's no need to rub it in.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Look in the water. What do you see?
0:17:56 > 0:17:57Ducks.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Pond weed.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Drinks cans.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03No, I mean, look at us.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I'm quite a catch,
0:18:08 > 0:18:11especially with this new job.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13I'm sensitive.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I care about what women want.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Why shouldn't Julia want me?
0:18:19 > 0:18:22I dunno, mate. But she doesn't.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24I'm just as good as you.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25If not better.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29All right.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31You fight me for her, fair and square.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Don't be ridiculous.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Come on! What are you, a Pansy Potter?
0:18:34 > 0:18:38Look, you're making yourself look more stupid than you already are!
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Oh, my...
0:18:40 > 0:18:43SPLASH
0:18:44 > 0:18:48I don't think it's wrong. I shouldn't have said that.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53I don't think lesbians are sick or immoral
0:18:53 > 0:18:54or are going to hell.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I've always liked girls...
0:19:01 > 0:19:04..always had these feelings.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I just thought it'd stop or I'd grow out of it.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I thought if I could sleep with a boy,
0:19:10 > 0:19:12then I'd know I was straight.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Judging from what you've said,
0:19:16 > 0:19:19you've always found dates with boys a bit miserable.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Everyone says the first time's difficult.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25You've just got to get through it and it gets better.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Sex isn't an ordeal At least, it shouldn't be.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32I've tried to like it with boys.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Like, the thought of it.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40If I could just find the right person, then it wouldn't be
0:19:40 > 0:19:41scary or difficult.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Maybe you have found the right person.
0:19:43 > 0:19:48I want to get it right with BOYS. Chris is a GIRL.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Well, no-one's perfect.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52THEY LAUGH
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Oh, my goodness! What happened?!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Erm...- It's all right, you can tell them.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I can't be any more humiliated than I already am.
0:20:04 > 0:20:10Look, Barry. Someone's played a very, very, nasty practical joke on you, on both of us,
0:20:10 > 0:20:15and they had no business doing it, but I promise you, I honestly didn't know anything about it.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16You never wanted me?
0:20:17 > 0:20:22None of it was real? You don't have any feelings for me at all?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Not in the way you would like me to, no, Barry.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Right. Now that's cleared up, shall we go?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Alicia, nice to see you again.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Alicia?! That's not even her real name.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38She's Dr Elaine Cassidy and she and Julia work together.
0:20:38 > 0:20:43They've lied to you. Ask yourself, Martin, why is Julia lying?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45And what else is she lying about?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47You know what, if you want her, you're welcome.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49She's been stringing me along for months.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52I don't want anything to do with her.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57I think I knew.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01What, that Chris was actually Christina?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05But I didn't want to know, so I kept on pretending.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07You wanted to go on the pill.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09I know! Mental.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14No, it wasn't. It was just part of the fantasy.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17But Chris isn't a fantasy.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19She's real.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21You've found someone you love
0:21:21 > 0:21:24and who loves you. Just happens to be a girl.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Maybe you should give the relationship a go?
0:21:28 > 0:21:30You know, see what happens.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34I can't. She'll never want to see me again after what I said.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Maybe she will.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45All right. Elaine and I do know each other.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48and she volunteered to come and find you
0:21:48 > 0:21:52and try and chat you up to see... Well, like a test.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54It was entirely my idea.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56It's just the whole thing seemed too good to be true.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58YOU seemed too good to be true.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01So, not content with looking me up on the internet,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04you set up some sort of honey trap?!
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Don't you think that's childish?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09Yes, yes, I do. I'm so sorry.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Yeah, it's not going to work.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Let me explain...
0:22:15 > 0:22:18I'm a straightforward bloke. Everything with you is complicated.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20It's doing my head in.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22It's more trouble than it's worth.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31# Journey's ending
0:22:31 > 0:22:33# Lovers meeting
0:22:33 > 0:22:39# Every wise man's son
0:22:39 > 0:22:40# Doth know
0:22:45 > 0:22:47# What is love?
0:22:49 > 0:22:51# 'Tis not hereafter... #
0:22:51 > 0:22:53LAUGHTER
0:22:54 > 0:22:57# Present moment
0:22:57 > 0:23:00# Present laughter
0:23:00 > 0:23:04# What's to come is
0:23:04 > 0:23:07# Still unsure. #
0:23:07 > 0:23:11Martin! Martin, please don't do this.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13Look, Alicia... Elaine... whatever your name is,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I don't like being messed about. I haven't got the time.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19You're blaming Julia for what everyone else has done.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22None of this was her idea.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Martin, please.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27You're getting Julia all wrong.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29She's one of the most straightforward people I know.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31You can trust her...
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Investigated me? Testing me?
0:23:34 > 0:23:35I should be flattered.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Martin, Julia really likes you.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42It's just...she's been hurt by people.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Haven't we all.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53# O mistress mine
0:23:55 > 0:23:58# Where are you roaming?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00# O
0:24:00 > 0:24:02# Stay and hear
0:24:02 > 0:24:07# Your true love's coming
0:24:07 > 0:24:11# And can sing both high
0:24:11 > 0:24:12# And low
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# Trip no further... #
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Did you get a big kick out of humiliating Barry?
0:24:26 > 0:24:30- Oh.- 'You don't do anything by halves, do you, Zara?'
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Nor does Kevin. He helped!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Kevin is very young.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37You're a partner, you should know better!
0:24:37 > 0:24:41It was just a harmless bit of fun.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43'Oh, harmless(!)'
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Not only did you encourage Barry to make a complete fool of himself,
0:24:47 > 0:24:49'you've ruined my day with Martin.'
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Martin?! I didn't know you were seeing him.
0:24:51 > 0:24:53I didn't know he'd be there.
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Well, he isn't, is he? Not any more. And thanks to you, he doesn't want anything to do with me.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00'YOU are supposed to be a doctor'
0:25:00 > 0:25:04and a professional. YOU are supposed to have better judgement.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16# A great while ago
0:25:16 > 0:25:18# The world began
0:25:18 > 0:25:21# With hey ho
0:25:21 > 0:25:25# The wind and the rain
0:25:25 > 0:25:27# But that's all won
0:25:27 > 0:25:29# Our play is done
0:25:29 > 0:25:35# And we'll strive to please you
0:25:35 > 0:25:38# Every day
0:25:38 > 0:25:41# Every day
0:25:41 > 0:25:44# Every day
0:25:44 > 0:25:46# Every day. #
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- It's you.- Hi.
0:26:04 > 0:26:05You're here.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Well, if I left now...
0:26:08 > 0:26:11I'd just hit the rush hour. Traffic's murder.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Elaine went home.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17I, erm... I kept your ticket, though.
0:26:19 > 0:26:20Shall we?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Shipwreck. Identical twins. Mayhem.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Bring it on.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Come here.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Slave, where's my coffee?
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- I'm just trying to be a good husband.- Really?
0:26:47 > 0:26:48How's that working out for you?
0:26:48 > 0:26:52Enslaved to your wife whom you condone running around
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- like some kind of cheap hooker. - Give him a wave.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59You must have a colour coded micro-fibre cloth for this one, eh?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02Red for the mess your wife makes?
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- This slave is revolting. - SHE SCREAMS
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd