0:00:32 > 0:00:33Hurry.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39What?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41You're staring!
0:00:42 > 0:00:45I like it, staring at you.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47It's my new hobby.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48THEY LAUGH
0:00:48 > 0:00:49KNOCK AT DOOR
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Just a minute.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- Mm. Mm, mm, mm!- What?
0:00:54 > 0:00:56I need to answer the door!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I'll get it.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Mellie?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Is that you?
0:01:16 > 0:01:17You call this a day off?
0:01:17 > 0:01:19What's the point of having a cleaner?
0:01:19 > 0:01:22The point is you said you'd play.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25HE GRUMBLES I want you to do a spot of cleaning.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28I shall be your slave from midday until teatime but until then...
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Yes, mistress?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Shakespeare!
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Oh, why?- Read it, slave boy!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Oh.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47"Being your slave, what should I do but tend
0:01:47 > 0:01:50"Upon the hours and times of your desire?
0:01:50 > 0:01:53"I have no precious time at all to spend,
0:01:53 > 0:01:55"Nor services to do, till you require
0:01:55 > 0:01:59"Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
0:01:59 > 0:02:03"Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you
0:02:03 > 0:02:05"Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
0:02:05 > 0:02:08"When you have bid your servant once adieu
0:02:08 > 0:02:11"Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
0:02:11 > 0:02:14"Where you may be, or your affairs suppose
0:02:14 > 0:02:18"But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
0:02:18 > 0:02:22"Save, where you are how happy you make those
0:02:24 > 0:02:27"So true a fool is love that in your will
0:02:27 > 0:02:31"Though you do anything, he thinks no ill."
0:02:31 > 0:02:34I'm in no mood for your mithering this morning.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I know it's parked badly, I'm only going to be here for a few minutes.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38Morning, Dr Carter.
0:02:38 > 0:02:42And don't even think of putting one of your "polite notices" on the windscreen.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- I wasn't going to. - What does it mean, anyway?
0:02:44 > 0:02:48They're an attempt at non-confrontational resolution.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Ludicrous. You know everyone is laughing at you?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53How d'you know about it?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56What? You do realise how ridiculous you look?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02I never wanted to wear yellow trousers!
0:03:06 > 0:03:07HE SIGHS
0:03:07 > 0:03:12"Let us seek out some desolate shade, and there
0:03:12 > 0:03:15"Weep our sad bosoms empty."
0:03:16 > 0:03:18CAN RATTLES
0:03:18 > 0:03:19# Juliet
0:03:19 > 0:03:23# The dice was loaded From the start
0:03:23 > 0:03:25# And I bet
0:03:25 > 0:03:28# That you exploded in my heart. #
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Hey, handsome, you need a backing singer?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36- You and me babe, how about it?- Oh!
0:03:36 > 0:03:38HE LAUGHS
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Slave! Where's my coffee!
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Good boy. Is it filter?
0:03:48 > 0:03:49No, no, it's from the tap.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- What?- The cold tap.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56You wouldn't dare! You're my slave!
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Oh, I dare.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59But you're my slave! You're my slave!
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Say it, "You're my slave."
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I'm your slave.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07- But this slave is revolting.- Aah!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Shhh! You'll wake the baby!
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Shhh!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I'll call you later.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Oh, look, there's Rory. Give him a wave.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42The floor's only just dry. Can you take your shoes off?
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Please?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56I'm too tired. I've been up all night.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Take them off for me.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Look at you.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I'm just trying to be a good husband.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Really? How's that working out for you?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Cos to tell you the truth, it's making me feel a bit sick!
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Yeah, it is lovely... Now what about the butterfly farm?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- I love the butterfly farm.- Oh.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41What? It's fantastic!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I've taken Chloe loads of times.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46We could pop out to Honeybourne, there's a church conversion.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Everybody likes butterflies.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- I don't, I hate them. - Nobody hates them.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I did the theatre, I liked that. Please don't make me do butterflies.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56OK, baby steps.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Look, Harvard House is 14th-century glass
0:05:59 > 0:06:01or we could do Holy Trinity Church?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04They might be ringing the bells later - church bells -
0:06:04 > 0:06:05now you're talking.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Oh, and you say you hate butterflies?
0:06:07 > 0:06:10One of my wives collected them, great big ceramic things.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13She made me bolt them to the front of the house.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- Can you imagine how embarrassing that was?- One of them?!
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Really embarrassing.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18One of them?!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21I read about Holy Trinity's bells on the internet.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26"The tenor goes beautifully and should not be feared".
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Bit like your friend in the shower this morning, hm? Come on.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33See, the thing...
0:06:35 > 0:06:39..that's evaporated in this house is the testosterone.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Well, that's what I reckon. What d'you think?
0:06:45 > 0:06:46OK.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48If you don't think anything,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- you won't mind if Mick moves in for a bit.- Mick?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53With the 4x4?
0:06:53 > 0:06:57I stayed with him last night but you know all this agriculture stuff doesn't suit me.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Just look at the muck in the hall.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02Obviously, me and Mick would be sleeping in our room.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05You don't mind, do you?
0:07:06 > 0:07:10ME, sleeping with MICK in OUR bed?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Whatever you want.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14What I want?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16SHOUTS: What I want?!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Don't you make me laugh!
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Yeah? What?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Come on. You want to slap me?
0:07:25 > 0:07:28Oh, go right ahead, at least that'd be kind of honest.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Oh, no, wait.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33You don't do honesty, do you?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Hmm?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39Nah. Thought not.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Imelda.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Look at you.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47A pox-ridden toad,
0:07:47 > 0:07:49no scrap of self-respect,
0:07:49 > 0:07:54scraping and cleaning and making me feel sick!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I don't know what to do any more.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01You must have a colour-coded microfibre cloth for this one, eh?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Hmm? Red?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06For the mess your wife makes?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Tell me what you want me to do.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Not this.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Not this.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23BABY GURGLES
0:08:23 > 0:08:25You want to know what I want for lunch?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Excuse me?
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Do YOU want to know what I want for lunch?
0:08:31 > 0:08:32- Oh.- Ah!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34HE LAUGHS
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Spaghetti puttanesca.- Ah-hah!
0:08:36 > 0:08:41- Whore's spaghetti?- Yes, the one my mother showed you to make, just how I like it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- Isn't that the one with anchovies? - Uh-huh.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I don't think we've got any anchovies.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Oh, look, and we haven't got any capers either.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53You'll have to think of something else, cos I am not going shopping.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57OK, even if you weren't my slave - which you are -
0:08:57 > 0:08:59if you loved me, you'd pop to Waitrose.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Of course I love...
0:09:00 > 0:09:04If you think I am knocking up your mother's...spaghetti...
0:09:04 > 0:09:07then all I can say is...
0:09:11 > 0:09:14..lunch will be at half past one.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Ah!
0:09:22 > 0:09:25You want to try nibbling the sponge off round the orangey bit.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27It's quite nice.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I always knew I wasn't a people person, Mrs Tembe.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38But I thought I might have been a Parsons person.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42That was the most horrible day of my life.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44One of them anyway.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47And then Dr Carter tells me they're all laughing at me.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I know they're laughing at me.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Dr Carter has his own troubles at the moment.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57You should forgive his ill temper.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Have another Jaffa Cake, put it all behind you.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06It ain't going to be any good, Mrs Tembe.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09I'd like to turn the other cheek, I really would,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12but if I you'd seen the way he looked at me.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17We both know that Dr Carter is not normally an aggressive man.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Do we, Mrs Tembe? Do we?
0:10:18 > 0:10:23If I turn the other cheek, I reckon he's just going to slap that side of me face.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25He deserves another chance.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27He enjoyed telling me people laugh at me.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29How spiteful's that?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32That is hard to defend, but please...
0:10:33 > 0:10:34..for me...
0:10:36 > 0:10:37..can you make allowances?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I'll try, Mrs Tembe.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- You know what? Make it a triple.- OK.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Hm, isn't that a nice word?
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Tri...ple.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57When you're ready.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02He's doing me a triple.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Hello, I'm Imelda.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Have we met?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11A treble? Allow me.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Same again.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I don't think we've met.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23I've been tempted by a couple of church conversions.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24Really?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27I went after a massive one, a few years back,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29just outside of Birmingham.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33A fancied it for a garage but there were change of use issues.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34It's a bingo hall now.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Oh, I don't think I could cope
0:11:36 > 0:11:39with dead bodies being buried in my back garden.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Oh, I could live with that.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44They'd go with the skeletons in your cupboard!
0:11:45 > 0:11:47One of your ex-wives?
0:11:47 > 0:11:48I haven't kept any secrets.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51We haven't really had time to get to know each other properly yet.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54No, that's true. So tell me.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Well, it's nothing terrible, it's just, I have lived a life, Julia.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01Well, yes, of course you have. So tell me about it.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04- Only if you promise not to overreact.- Who, me?
0:12:04 > 0:12:08If you promise me that, I'll promise to be completely and utterly candid.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11No half-truths, no secrets.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14I'll tell you anything and everything you want to know.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16OK.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19So...how many wives have you had?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I'm not usually the cup of sugar sort of neighbour
0:12:24 > 0:12:26- but it is both of our days off. - It's fine.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30I'm pathologically disinclined to go to a supermarket on my day off.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Do you cook much?
0:12:31 > 0:12:32No!
0:12:32 > 0:12:36You should smartphone it. Imelda likes Nigella's.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Slut or whore?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- What?- What does the fragrant Nigella call her puttanesca?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Slut's Spaghetti.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Have you got tinned tomatoes?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48I am hopeless but I think we've got tinned tomatoes.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Well, you've been a life-saver, thanks so much but Daniel's waiting.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Can I get you anything else?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58The number of your cleaner!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I wish our place sparkled like yours!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02You're looking at our cleaner.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05Ooh, have you got chilli flakes?
0:13:05 > 0:13:10He cooks, he cleans, what kind of superman are you?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I hope your wife realises how lucky she is?
0:13:14 > 0:13:15I'm no prize.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17But...neither's Daniel.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Chilli flakes!
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Here.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24And who said the new man had packed up his kit
0:13:24 > 0:13:26and gone back down the pit?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28You should give Daniel some tips.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Rolling boil, right?
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Daniel's not a joke.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35Well, you should see him in his special rubber gloves.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Plenty of salt in the water?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- It's been lovely to chat, thanks so much.- I'm a joke.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45I've got no cleaner,
0:13:45 > 0:13:49no respect, no testosterone.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56I'm a pox-ridden toad in a sparkly house and I make my wife feel sick.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00OK, what's going on?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Imelda wants to move her boyfriend in.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Yeah, right(!)
0:14:06 > 0:14:10What? Whoa - your wife has a boyfriend?
0:14:10 > 0:14:11She will do it.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12What?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Move him in.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I let her do whatever she wants.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Why?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Because I owe her and I'm trying to save our marriage.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24What the hell did you do?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Dr Carter?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Mrs Tembe said I ought to have a...
0:14:40 > 0:14:43I was 17, she was 19.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44I was a virgin.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47She told me I'd got her pregnant.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50"Knocked her up" was how she put it.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Very nice(!)
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Her name was Lesley, her family were debt collectors in Aston.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56You didn't mess with the Cribbinses.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58So you had to get married?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00It was 1964.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03But as it goes, I needn't have married Lesley Cribbins after all
0:15:03 > 0:15:05because she wasn't pregnant.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07She just always got what she wanted and she wanted me.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09I was a good-looking chap.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Ooh, if you do say so yourself.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Oh, she soon lost interest, started playing away.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Girlie nights in Northfield turned out to be
0:15:17 > 0:15:21chips, half a dozen port 'n' lemons and a jump with a fitter from British Leyland.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24So what happened?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27She hooked up with a paint shop manager called Malcolm.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31They opened a bar in Torremolinos. Probably called it Big Lessie's.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36It killed me to think that my wife was...
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Well, the way she was.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41That I'd married a woman like that.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44'A woman does that and she's called a whore.'
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Imelda was in love and trusted me and I...
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I was a whore.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51Why?
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Because I could.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I was young and selfish and...
0:15:57 > 0:15:58..not bad looking.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Even if you do say so yourself.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04And I had a few quid. Liked to splash the cash.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Sounds nice.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Knickers dropped like share prices and I...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I couldn't stop investing.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16And you really want me to tell you what I think?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20Wait...it gets worse.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21So you've had five wives?
0:16:21 > 0:16:22And um...
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Did you have a dozen kids with all these wifelets?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27No, only one.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30I thought I was firing blanks until I was 27.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32No, 28.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Sarah's 28.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Ah, where does time go?
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Yeah.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Just one, my daughter.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Which wife was that?
0:16:42 > 0:16:43The third.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45What happened to the second?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47She was kind of an action replay of the first,
0:16:47 > 0:16:49only with a penchant for taxi drivers.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52You want me to go on?
0:16:55 > 0:16:56I'm a bitch.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Are you, now?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I don't do intellectual.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06I just do physical.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08No romance.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Interlocking with no introspection.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I think I love it.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20< Get a room!
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Yes.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27Let's.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36We can't have children and it's all my fault.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Infertility isn't a matter of blame.
0:17:38 > 0:17:43No? What about when you've given your faithful wife chlamydia?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And she has no idea she has it...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47for years?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51What about when you finally get yourself together
0:17:51 > 0:17:54and stop putting her at risk but the damage is already done?
0:17:54 > 0:17:56And you're so arrogant that you never say anything?
0:17:56 > 0:18:00She's been diagnosed? She's completely infertile?
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Barren, will never have kids.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Never be a mother.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Tell me that's not all my fault.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11No. It really is.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Don't go!
0:18:14 > 0:18:15Tell me what I should do?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17You said you'd tell me what you think.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21I think you're an unspeakable pig.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Want to park up somewhere a bit more private?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35We could go back to my house?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37You've got a place? Great.
0:18:38 > 0:18:39I need some condoms.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43No need. I cannot be pregnant.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I do not need birth control.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48We'll pop to a chemist. No offence.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Better safe than sorry.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Or...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57..we could see if my husband's got any!
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Divorced and horny, eh? Like it.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06(I'm not divorced.)
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Work away, does he?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Nah, he'll be at home.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Not much of a one for condoms, though.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21He's at home and you want us to go back there and...?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25OK, OK. We'll use the car.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29I don't think so.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35People do do it without condoms!
0:19:37 > 0:19:41- So Lorna was your third wife and Sarah's mother?- Yeah.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45After her, I didn't have a wife for a while.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Mm, ironing must have mounted up.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49She drowned.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Oh, I'm so sorry.
0:19:52 > 0:19:56She's the only person I ever really missed in my whole life.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58I had Sarah, but...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I don't know, I didn't enjoy being on my own,
0:20:00 > 0:20:02so I married Stacey.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04She was a friend.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07It was a mistake. We're still good mates.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10And what about wife number five?
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Moira wanted me to go and live in France and build her dream home.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15My dream home was Wales.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Clash of dreams.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21So what happens, then?
0:20:21 > 0:20:22You, uh...
0:20:22 > 0:20:26You take out a woman, there's a lull in the conversation and you ask her to marry you?
0:20:26 > 0:20:27HE LAUGHS
0:20:27 > 0:20:31Something like that. I don't know, I'm getting better.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Look, I've laid my stall out, Julia.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I've told you all about my mistakes and my heartache.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I haven't asked you to marry me yet, have I?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Ooh, wow!
0:20:42 > 0:20:45To be flattered or insulted, that is the question.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50Look, I want to take time with us, so it lasts.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I've learned how to build things properly.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01# Sigh no more No more
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- SHE SINGS ALONG: - # One foot in sea One on shore
0:21:10 > 0:21:14# My heart was never pure
0:21:17 > 0:21:21# You know me
0:21:22 > 0:21:27# You know me... #
0:21:28 > 0:21:30OK, this is where we are.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32You did a heinous thing,
0:21:32 > 0:21:34which no amount of toadying and spring cleaning
0:21:34 > 0:21:35is going to put right.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38I know, but I don't know what else to do!
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I love her.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Then whatever you do, you have to do what's best for Imelda.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45That's what I'm trying...
0:21:45 > 0:21:49What?! By behaving like some kind of Elizabethan cuckold?
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Enslaved to your wife whom you condone
0:21:52 > 0:21:55running around like some kind of cheap hooker?
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Look at yourself.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Who in their right mind would want to be with you?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02When was the last time you looked like the man
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Imelda fell in love with?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07When was the last time you acted like a man
0:22:07 > 0:22:09and not some snivelling dullard?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13A long time ago.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14So.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18You need to be the best that you can be
0:22:18 > 0:22:21and see if she still wants you.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26And if she doesn't, you need to be man enough to let her go.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Let her start over.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32- It might be painful. - I deserve that.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Yeah, you do!
0:22:33 > 0:22:36She's the one who's suffered enough.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39She might not want you as you are
0:22:39 > 0:22:44but maybe she would like a version of you as you used to be.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Without all the sleeping around.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59PHONE BLEEPS
0:22:59 > 0:23:03'You have one message in mailbox.'
0:23:04 > 0:23:07'Mellie, I want you to come home.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10'I want us to sort this out.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14'I stuffed up, but I love you and I can't stand this any more.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16'I can't bear it if anybody else touches you.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20'If you can't love me, I'll go.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21'But come home now.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24'Please, let me fix this.'
0:23:27 > 0:23:28ANSWER MACHINE BLEEPS
0:23:28 > 0:23:30RORY SINGS IN SHOWER
0:23:31 > 0:23:32'Yes.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35'Yes, you fix it.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37'You fix it.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40'I only ever wanted you.'
0:23:42 > 0:23:46I'm coming home, Rory. I've missed you.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57Ah, shouldn't you be peeling garlic?
0:23:57 > 0:23:58I don't want to play slaves any more.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01Why, cos it's your turn to be the slave and you're rubbish?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03I just... I don't like it.
0:24:03 > 0:24:07- OK, fair enough. - You are such a pushover!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- Oh!- Not when it matters, I'm not!
0:24:12 > 0:24:18OK, so - park, feed the ducks, bistro, think about getting a dog.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20More fun than puttanesca.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23I'll be your puttanesca, later.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Ah.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31# This is not the end... #
0:24:31 > 0:24:34IGNITION CUTS IN AND OUT
0:24:34 > 0:24:37# Lived unbruised We are friends... #
0:24:37 > 0:24:40VAN BLASTS HORN
0:24:40 > 0:24:45# And I'm sorry... #
0:24:45 > 0:24:46TRUCK BLASTS HORN
0:24:46 > 0:24:51# I'm sorry
0:25:06 > 0:25:09# Sigh no more No more... #
0:25:09 > 0:25:11ANSWER MACHINE BLEEPS
0:25:11 > 0:25:12'Yes.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16'Yes, you fix it.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19'You fix it.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21'I only ever wanted you.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26'I'm coming home, Rory. I've missed you.'
0:25:26 > 0:25:28ANSWER MACHINE BLEEPS
0:25:30 > 0:25:32DOOR BELL RINGS
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I am SO going to fix this!
0:25:34 > 0:25:35I love you so...
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Sorry, I thought you were my wife!
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Mr Levin?
0:25:42 > 0:25:43Rory Levin?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49I'm afraid I've got some very bad news.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Do I get invited in for coffee?
0:25:54 > 0:25:59Well, um, I've got Heston staying with me at the moment, so...
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Look, Martin, I'm really sorry about how badly I behaved
0:26:03 > 0:26:05over that whole honey trap fiasco.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- It doesn't matter about that. - It does.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11It's just that I really needed to be sure.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12You can be.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Well, right now I'm not sure about anything.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Look, I'm a prat, not a monster!
0:26:18 > 0:26:23- I'm sure we can work this out. - You have been sure five times.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Let me show you.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Look, we can take this as slowly as we want.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30We can talk, we have to keep talking and I promise,
0:26:30 > 0:26:33even in the event you don't speak to me for an hour,
0:26:33 > 0:26:35I will not go down on a bended knee.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- I'll call you. - OK, how about no knees?
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Never? Look, let's have dinner tonight.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I'll do anything.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Anything you want.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50Just tell me what you want me to do.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53I'll call you. Thank you.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09- What play is it?- One of Shakespeare's finest - King Lear.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Lucky you, who you taking?
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- Well, I was hoping one of you ladies would do me the honour.- ALL:- I will!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I thought self-harming was something you did as a kid?
0:27:18 > 0:27:19I thought I'd lost you.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22She is trying to bribe you with her French Fancies!
0:27:22 > 0:27:24What about you and your malted milks?!
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Matt! Matt! Call an ambulance!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd