Heston's Last Testament

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0:00:32 > 0:00:34Oh! I thought Jas was in today?

0:00:34 > 0:00:35We swapped shifts.

0:00:35 > 0:00:38I need a bit of time to catch up on all this.

0:00:38 > 0:00:41Hopefully it'll be light. Oh, did you manage to patch things up with Ruby?

0:00:41 > 0:00:42Sorry?

0:00:42 > 0:00:44Last night? She left early?

0:00:44 > 0:00:45Everything all right?

0:00:46 > 0:00:49No, actually. We parted ways.

0:00:49 > 0:00:52Right. Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

0:00:52 > 0:00:53It's fine, really.

0:00:54 > 0:00:57Heston! You're a difficult man to find.

0:00:57 > 0:01:00Well, I decided to come here for a bit of peace and quiet. Silly me.

0:01:00 > 0:01:04I wanted to make sure you weren't worried about that situation with Ruby last night.

0:01:04 > 0:01:07- What do you mean?- She clearly wasn't interested in Al's invention.

0:01:07 > 0:01:10I just wanted to let you know that we don't hold you responsible.

0:01:10 > 0:01:14- Thank you. - Mind you, I was a little pushy too.

0:01:14 > 0:01:16I hope she doesn't think I was only after one thing.

0:01:16 > 0:01:18You needn't concern yourself.

0:01:18 > 0:01:20They've split up.

0:01:20 > 0:01:24- I'm so sorry.- I'm fine. I just...need to be on my own.

0:01:24 > 0:01:25Thanks.

0:01:31 > 0:01:33- Hiya. - Morning. You look knackered.

0:01:33 > 0:01:38Mm. It's those flaming pigs. Grunting and snorting all night.

0:01:38 > 0:01:40I thought you'd finished playing pig farmer?

0:01:40 > 0:01:42Not till Tuesday.

0:01:42 > 0:01:43I bet you'll be relieved.

0:01:43 > 0:01:48Well, it has been a hassle, but I think I've kind of enjoyed it.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51Well, you could always quit nursing, take up the good life.

0:01:51 > 0:01:53- PHONE RINGS - Oh! Speak of the devil...

0:01:55 > 0:01:58Hello, Mrs Fitzwilliams. How's the holiday going?

0:01:58 > 0:02:01'It's a safari, dear, and it's quite intolerable.'

0:02:01 > 0:02:06- Sorry to hear that.- 'We must've gone to the only reserve in Africa where the animals are camera shy.'

0:02:06 > 0:02:08Oh dear.

0:02:08 > 0:02:10'There's a patient here to see you.'

0:02:10 > 0:02:11Isn't Jimmi available?

0:02:11 > 0:02:14'He says it has to be you. It's urgent.'

0:02:14 > 0:02:16Fine. KNOCK AT DOOR

0:02:16 > 0:02:17Please, come in.

0:02:17 > 0:02:21- I was told you'd be at the other surgery. I don't appreciate being given the run-around.- I apologise.

0:02:21 > 0:02:24Sometimes we have to change the rota.

0:02:24 > 0:02:25So, how can I help?

0:02:25 > 0:02:27I'm a solicitor. I'm here on behalf of a client -

0:02:27 > 0:02:28a Mr Jonathon Gough.

0:02:28 > 0:02:30And what's his concern?

0:02:30 > 0:02:31He's dead.

0:02:32 > 0:02:35Right. Gough... Can't place the name.

0:02:35 > 0:02:38He's a patient of yours. Well, he was.

0:02:38 > 0:02:40I see a lot of patients.

0:02:40 > 0:02:43I don't think I've done anything to warrant a malpractice suit

0:02:43 > 0:02:44this early in the morning.

0:02:44 > 0:02:47Why does everyone always think they're being sued?

0:02:47 > 0:02:50You've been named as the sole benefactor in Mr Gough's will.

0:02:50 > 0:02:52I beg your pardon?

0:02:52 > 0:02:54You're to inherit his entire estate.

0:02:54 > 0:02:55What happened to him?

0:02:55 > 0:02:57He died. I thought I mentioned that.

0:02:57 > 0:03:01- No, what was the cause of death? - I wouldn't know, I'm not his doctor.

0:03:01 > 0:03:03But why would he leave me...?

0:03:03 > 0:03:05I have another appointment.

0:03:05 > 0:03:09The reading of the will is at 3.30 this afternoon at my office. Please be on time.

0:03:14 > 0:03:16'And how is my darling Calliope?'

0:03:16 > 0:03:17Who's Calliope?

0:03:17 > 0:03:21'My sweet guinea pig.'

0:03:21 > 0:03:24- A guinea pig?- (What's wrong?)

0:03:24 > 0:03:27I accidentally killed it.

0:03:27 > 0:03:31- 'Mandy, are you there? Is something wrong?'- Um...yes, she's fine!

0:03:31 > 0:03:36'Mandy, I can't hear you! What's wrong with my Calliope?'

0:03:36 > 0:03:39Nothing! She's fine! She's here with me now.

0:03:39 > 0:03:41- (What are you doing?)- Shhh!

0:03:41 > 0:03:44'Why would you take Calliope to a doctor's surgery?

0:03:44 > 0:03:48- 'Is she ill?'- (Tell her she's training to be a nurse.)

0:03:48 > 0:03:50Um...because...

0:03:50 > 0:03:52because she was lonely!

0:03:52 > 0:03:56And I felt bad, so I brought her into work to keep her company.

0:03:56 > 0:03:59'I'd like to speak to her, please.'

0:03:59 > 0:04:02Um... She can't come to the phone right now.

0:04:02 > 0:04:06'Nonsense, she'll talk to her mummy. Put her on.'

0:04:06 > 0:04:07OK...

0:04:09 > 0:04:10Here she is.

0:04:12 > 0:04:14SHE SQUEAKS

0:04:14 > 0:04:18'Calliope? It's Mummy! She misses you!'

0:04:18 > 0:04:21She's gone. I've got to go.

0:04:21 > 0:04:24Mrs Fitzwilliams, I've got to get back to work.

0:04:24 > 0:04:26'She didn't sound quite herself.

0:04:26 > 0:04:28'I look forward to seeing her in person.'

0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Yeah. Calliope can't wait. - Me neither!

0:04:31 > 0:04:33Got to go. Ta-ra! Ta-ra!

0:04:35 > 0:04:37What have I done?

0:04:39 > 0:04:42Karen, I need some information on a Jonathan Gough.

0:04:42 > 0:04:43Let's have a look.

0:04:43 > 0:04:48Karen, can I get a couple of e-mail addresses when you're done, please?

0:04:48 > 0:04:51A few of us are going out for a drink after work tonight.

0:04:51 > 0:04:55It's not a posh medical ball - not everyone is invited to one of those.

0:04:55 > 0:04:56You two up for it?

0:04:56 > 0:04:58Yeah, yeah. Count me in.

0:04:58 > 0:05:01Doctor Carter? Up for an evening out with the Mill massive?

0:05:01 > 0:05:03I'm a bit busy to be cavorting every night.

0:05:03 > 0:05:05Ah, here he is.

0:05:05 > 0:05:06History of mild depression,

0:05:06 > 0:05:09anxiety attacks, complained of symptoms he didn't have.

0:05:09 > 0:05:13Used to come in for a good old moan. Is there a next of kin?

0:05:13 > 0:05:17There's a wife - Corinne, and a home address if you need it.

0:05:17 > 0:05:20Oh, good. Print it off, will you?

0:05:20 > 0:05:25You know, an evening out might take your mind off Ruby.

0:05:25 > 0:05:29- Drown your sorrows with a few friends.- Who told you about that?

0:05:29 > 0:05:32- Er...- Anything to feed the endless rumour mill.

0:05:32 > 0:05:36When I want to be the office scuttlebutt, I will let you know.

0:05:41 > 0:05:43DOORBELL RINGS

0:05:49 > 0:05:53Mrs Gough, I'm doctor Heston Carter, your late husband's GP.

0:05:53 > 0:05:56I wanted to express my heartfelt condolences for your loss.

0:05:56 > 0:06:00That's very sweet of you. Come in.

0:06:05 > 0:06:07You didn't have to come all this way.

0:06:07 > 0:06:08I'm sure you're busy.

0:06:08 > 0:06:10Oh, no trouble.

0:06:10 > 0:06:14I confess I was surprised to hear he'd passed on so suddenly.

0:06:14 > 0:06:15It was a heart attack.

0:06:16 > 0:06:21I kept telling him to slow down. Work, socialising - he never let up.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23He was obviously a very popular man.

0:06:23 > 0:06:26He never did anything by halves.

0:06:30 > 0:06:33And I never wanted for anything...

0:06:33 > 0:06:35I'm sorry.

0:06:35 > 0:06:36No need to apologise.

0:06:37 > 0:06:43Mrs Gough, I have to ask, did your husband ever mention me at all?

0:06:43 > 0:06:46I don't think so. Why don't you ask him? He's still with us.

0:06:46 > 0:06:48Yes, in spirit, I suppose he is.

0:06:48 > 0:06:50No, he's right here.

0:06:52 > 0:06:54I couldn't bury him.

0:06:54 > 0:07:00Mrs Gough, I seem to be named as a benefactor in your late husband's will.

0:07:02 > 0:07:05Our solicitor told me this morning.

0:07:05 > 0:07:09Did John leave you any instructions?

0:07:09 > 0:07:12Until a few hours ago, I didn't know he'd left me anything at all.

0:07:12 > 0:07:13I see.

0:07:20 > 0:07:25I try to be strong, but it's a facade.

0:07:27 > 0:07:30He was such a wonderful husband. I miss him.

0:07:30 > 0:07:33I'm sure you can imagine if you lost your own wife...

0:07:33 > 0:07:35I'm not married.

0:07:35 > 0:07:36Really? I presumed...

0:07:36 > 0:07:41- No. - Oh, well. Perhaps it's for the best.

0:07:41 > 0:07:45All these years of bliss just end up making the heartache worse.

0:07:46 > 0:07:49You're better off without.

0:07:49 > 0:07:57The worst part is, this house is full of our memories together,

0:07:57 > 0:08:02and this afternoon I could lose it all and I'll be left with nothing.

0:08:02 > 0:08:05Mrs Gough, I promise to put this right.

0:08:05 > 0:08:08As soon as I get the money, I'll pass it straight over.

0:08:09 > 0:08:13SHE SOBS

0:08:15 > 0:08:17I've got to find a flamin' guinea pig before they get back.

0:08:17 > 0:08:19And you've tried all the local pet shops?

0:08:19 > 0:08:23Yep. And the animal shelter. Nothing.

0:08:23 > 0:08:25Didn't you kill Calliope two weeks ago?

0:08:25 > 0:08:26It was an accident.

0:08:26 > 0:08:29I mean, why have you left it till now to sort it?

0:08:29 > 0:08:34Because I was busy! And I'm a horrible person!

0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Shh-shh-shh!- What's up with you?

0:08:36 > 0:08:38Just a little bit delicate this morning.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40Had one too many last night, did you?

0:08:41 > 0:08:44I don't see what your problem is anyway.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47Just tell the old bat she's one pet down.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50Don't be so insensitive. I don't want to upset her.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53She's going to be a lot more upset when she discovers you murdered

0:08:53 > 0:08:57her favourite furry thing, hid the body and replaced it with a double.

0:08:57 > 0:08:59Why would you do that, Mandy - why?

0:08:59 > 0:09:02Why can't YOU ever be nice?

0:09:02 > 0:09:05I'm Doctor Al Haskey. Have we never met?

0:09:05 > 0:09:07I'm being serious.

0:09:07 > 0:09:09Have you not noticed that no-one ever comes to you for help?

0:09:09 > 0:09:12Karen doesn't even bother bringing the charity tin round

0:09:12 > 0:09:14cos she knows you won't put in!

0:09:14 > 0:09:16Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweet child of mine, I put in!

0:09:16 > 0:09:19I just prefer to make my charitable donations by direct debit.

0:09:19 > 0:09:21Ooh! D'you know, forget it.

0:09:21 > 0:09:23If you don't want anyone to like you, fine.

0:09:23 > 0:09:25You're going the right way about it.

0:09:28 > 0:09:30Where do we keep the teabags in this place?

0:09:32 > 0:09:33Rough morning?

0:09:33 > 0:09:34Infuriating.

0:09:34 > 0:09:38I had a patient who died, which would be bad enough,

0:09:38 > 0:09:41except he's left me quite a mystery, along with everything in his will!

0:09:41 > 0:09:44Oh, right. I see we're not replacing milk, but leaving empty cartons

0:09:44 > 0:09:48so that the cow fairy can refill them with her magic udders!

0:09:50 > 0:09:52This isn't just about the will, is it?

0:09:52 > 0:09:56I mean, why me? He had the perfect life, he had a lovely wife, lots of friends.

0:09:56 > 0:09:59He wasn't some sad old man with no-one to leave anything to.

0:09:59 > 0:10:01Sorry, you've both got patients.

0:10:01 > 0:10:02I'm doing paperwork!

0:10:02 > 0:10:05There's a woman here who says she'll only see you.

0:10:08 > 0:10:11Come in, please. I'm Doctor Carter.

0:10:11 > 0:10:13Kelly. A pleasure.

0:10:17 > 0:10:18How can I help?

0:10:19 > 0:10:22I've just got back from down under,

0:10:22 > 0:10:24and I'm feeling a bit under the weather.

0:10:26 > 0:10:30I was hoping you'll make me feel better.

0:10:30 > 0:10:32Can you describe your symptoms?

0:10:32 > 0:10:33I'm hot.

0:10:34 > 0:10:36Like I have a fever.

0:10:39 > 0:10:42It feels like I want to tear all my clothes off.

0:10:43 > 0:10:47How long have you been feeling this way?

0:10:47 > 0:10:48Since yesterday.

0:10:50 > 0:10:52Right, let's have a look.

0:10:56 > 0:10:57D'you want me lying down?

0:10:57 > 0:10:59No, sitting up is fine.

0:10:59 > 0:11:02Adventurous. I like that.

0:11:04 > 0:11:06Any pain?

0:11:06 > 0:11:11My throat. I think my glands are swollen.

0:11:11 > 0:11:12OK.

0:11:14 > 0:11:15Right. Open wide.

0:11:15 > 0:11:17And say, "Ahh".

0:11:17 > 0:11:19- MOANING SEDUCTIVELY:- Ah!

0:11:25 > 0:11:26Where shall I put this?

0:11:29 > 0:11:32Yes, that's quite enough, thank you.

0:11:32 > 0:11:35Well, some of my other glands are quite swollen.

0:11:45 > 0:11:46Ooh!

0:11:47 > 0:11:48Marquez, let's talk.

0:11:52 > 0:11:53I should not be telling you this,

0:11:53 > 0:11:57but for some unfathomable reason I want to help you out.

0:11:57 > 0:12:00I have a friend who works in a laboratory where

0:12:00 > 0:12:02they do medical testing on animals.

0:12:02 > 0:12:05- Oh, that's awful...- Shh!

0:12:05 > 0:12:06My friend agrees with you,

0:12:06 > 0:12:09so he's set up a secret pipeline to get them out.

0:12:11 > 0:12:12You're winding me up?

0:12:12 > 0:12:15This is me being nice, OK?

0:12:15 > 0:12:20I've arranged for you to meet my friend at lunch time. He thinks he's got exactly what you need.

0:12:20 > 0:12:24- You're going to rendezvous... - Rendezvous?! I'm a nurse, not James Bond!

0:12:24 > 0:12:28You're going to rendezvous with him at the Icon at 14.15 hours.

0:12:28 > 0:12:32Wear your orange scarf so he can identify you.

0:12:32 > 0:12:33Is this legal?

0:12:33 > 0:12:36Don't be followed, don't be late, and whatever you do,

0:12:36 > 0:12:38do not speak to him.

0:12:38 > 0:12:40So I don't blow his cover?

0:12:40 > 0:12:41No, he's just really shy.

0:12:44 > 0:12:46Heston, I feel your eyes all over me.

0:12:46 > 0:12:48Give in to temptation.

0:12:48 > 0:12:50- If I was 20 years younger...- Yes?

0:12:50 > 0:12:52..I would throw you out of this office.

0:12:52 > 0:12:56As it is, madam, I will politely ask you to leave.

0:12:56 > 0:12:57I'm sorry.

0:12:59 > 0:13:04I need your help, and I thought if I offered myself to you...

0:13:04 > 0:13:06Why didn't you just ask?

0:13:06 > 0:13:08Most men I know don't give help for free.

0:13:08 > 0:13:12- What do you want? - I'm John Gough's daughter.

0:13:12 > 0:13:15I left home years ago to get away from my mother.

0:13:16 > 0:13:19And now Daddy's gone, she's after my inheritance.

0:13:20 > 0:13:21I need your help to stop her.

0:13:21 > 0:13:25- How do you know I'm involved? I only found out this morning. - Let's just say

0:13:25 > 0:13:27someone in the solicitor's office owed me a favour.

0:13:27 > 0:13:29Why don't you speak to your mother?

0:13:29 > 0:13:31If she knew I was back, there'd be hell to pay.

0:13:31 > 0:13:35Surely she'd want to speak to you at this time of grief?

0:13:35 > 0:13:37You don't know the years of abuse Daddy suffered

0:13:37 > 0:13:39at the hands of that woman.

0:13:39 > 0:13:41She was always putting him down,

0:13:41 > 0:13:43constantly nagging him.

0:13:45 > 0:13:48She humiliated him with other men.

0:13:48 > 0:13:52I couldn't stand to see him treated so badly, I...

0:13:57 > 0:13:58So you left.

0:13:58 > 0:14:01Packed my bags and never looked back.

0:14:04 > 0:14:07Leaving him was the hardest thing I ever did.

0:14:08 > 0:14:12And now he's gone, I can't say goodbye.

0:14:14 > 0:14:20But I can stop that heartless wench from picking through his bones.

0:14:21 > 0:14:22I'd like to help,

0:14:22 > 0:14:26but I don't think I should be divvying up somebody's inheritance.

0:14:26 > 0:14:31You'd be helping his only daughter. It's what he would have wanted.

0:14:31 > 0:14:34Come to the reading of the will. We'll take it from there.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37No, she'll be there! I don't want to cause a scene.

0:14:37 > 0:14:39If Dad trusted you, then so do I.

0:14:41 > 0:14:42Please help me, Heston.

0:14:52 > 0:14:53That's not him.

0:14:53 > 0:14:56- What?!- You're just flirting with some random bloke.

0:14:56 > 0:14:58- What are you even doing here? - I came to help.

0:14:58 > 0:15:01- And it's kind of exciting. - Not if we get caught.

0:15:01 > 0:15:03This is a bad idea.

0:15:03 > 0:15:05I'm in enough trouble already.

0:15:05 > 0:15:08There he is. Just act natural.

0:15:19 > 0:15:23Is that it? It looks a bit sus to me.

0:15:23 > 0:15:25Have a look inside.

0:15:30 > 0:15:32Oh! Ha-ha!

0:15:32 > 0:15:35It's the spitting image! Al, I could kiss you!

0:15:35 > 0:15:37Go on, then.

0:15:40 > 0:15:42I come bearing gifts.

0:15:42 > 0:15:43With fresh milk?

0:15:43 > 0:15:45From the cow fairy - enjoy.

0:15:46 > 0:15:48- What's going on?- The plot thickens.

0:15:48 > 0:15:50I have two women fighting over me,

0:15:50 > 0:15:53for some money I haven't even got yet. It's ridiculous.

0:15:53 > 0:15:56- Not really what you need, especially after Ruby. - I knew there was no future there.

0:15:56 > 0:15:58We were incompatible.

0:15:58 > 0:16:02But I went down that route because...

0:16:02 > 0:16:03You felt alone.

0:16:03 > 0:16:06I'm at an age where it's increasingly likely I'll stay that way.

0:16:06 > 0:16:10I don't believe that for a second. You're in your prime.

0:16:10 > 0:16:13Look at Julia. She never let age stop her from doing what she wanted.

0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Perhaps.- You'll find someone.

0:16:16 > 0:16:20At least, that's what everyone keeps telling me. Who knows?

0:16:20 > 0:16:23This sounds suspiciously like a pep talk.

0:16:23 > 0:16:28Listen, the Heston I know doesn't mope around.

0:16:28 > 0:16:30He gets loud. He gets angry.

0:16:30 > 0:16:33But he always comes through for his patients. OK?

0:16:38 > 0:16:41Isn't she cute?

0:16:41 > 0:16:42I think my work here is done.

0:16:42 > 0:16:46If you ladies have any more problems that need solving, I'll be outside healing the sick.

0:16:46 > 0:16:49Thanks, Al. And I'm sorry for what I said earlier.

0:16:49 > 0:16:54Don't worry about it. Just remember, not all heroes are your traditional tall, dark and handsome.

0:16:54 > 0:16:57Just the good-looking ones.

0:16:57 > 0:17:01You're just jealous because your contribution to this was... I forget.

0:17:01 > 0:17:02What's that?

0:17:02 > 0:17:06- Probably the bitter taste of defeat. - Is Calliope a boy's name?

0:17:06 > 0:17:09- No.- Then your pet's grown an extra appendage.

0:17:09 > 0:17:11- Impossible! - Seven years of medical school -

0:17:11 > 0:17:14I think I know the difference between boys and girls.

0:17:14 > 0:17:15Oh.

0:17:15 > 0:17:19Aw! I don't believe this!

0:17:19 > 0:17:23Typical blokes - always turning up when you don't want them!

0:17:23 > 0:17:25Good job, hero(!)

0:17:25 > 0:17:27Great(!)

0:17:27 > 0:17:29DOORBELL RINGS

0:17:34 > 0:17:35I'm here to see Mrs Gough.

0:17:35 > 0:17:37Who is it, darling?

0:17:37 > 0:17:39Excuse me.

0:17:42 > 0:17:45I see you've moved onto a new stage of grieving.

0:17:45 > 0:17:49It's not what it looks like. I'm a masseuse! I work from home.

0:17:49 > 0:17:52How many masseuses work in their negligee?

0:17:52 > 0:17:54It helps relax the clients.

0:17:54 > 0:17:59Eric... I mean, Tony! The session's over. Off you pop, dear...

0:18:02 > 0:18:05I realise it's not my place to judge, but your daughter has made me

0:18:05 > 0:18:08aware of some home truths that I'm now finding it difficult to disprove.

0:18:08 > 0:18:11My daughter? What's she doing back?

0:18:11 > 0:18:13Preventing a travesty of justice!

0:18:13 > 0:18:16After all these years, she decides to waltz back in.

0:18:16 > 0:18:20She's only after her pound of flesh, the scheming little witch.

0:18:20 > 0:18:21She IS your daughter!

0:18:21 > 0:18:24Please! She ran out years ago.

0:18:24 > 0:18:27Left me to deal with the old bugger all alone.

0:18:27 > 0:18:29And this is how you dealt with it?

0:18:29 > 0:18:32Yes, I enjoy the occasional squeeze,

0:18:32 > 0:18:37but it's nothing compared with Johnny's stream of indiscretions!

0:18:37 > 0:18:40I did my time and I deserve what's coming to me.

0:18:40 > 0:18:42Well, what's coming to you.

0:18:42 > 0:18:46Perhaps John wanted me to help heal some wounds -

0:18:46 > 0:18:48reconcile you and your daughter.

0:18:48 > 0:18:51I just want to be reconciled with his money.

0:18:51 > 0:18:56And if I'm not, I'll tie you up in court for years.

0:18:56 > 0:19:00Well, I can't say I agree with your lifestyle, but you are his wife.

0:19:00 > 0:19:03And all this will be sorted out at the reading of the will.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06Don't suppose you'd care for a massage before you go?

0:19:14 > 0:19:16- Don't forget to wear that verruca sock.- Will do.

0:19:16 > 0:19:18PHONE RINGS

0:19:18 > 0:19:21Hello?

0:19:21 > 0:19:24Female? Oh, fantastic!

0:19:24 > 0:19:25I'm coming now!

0:19:30 > 0:19:32- Kelly?- Oh! Hello, Doctor.

0:19:32 > 0:19:34What are you doing out here?

0:19:34 > 0:19:37I wanted to make sure I was here when you got the cash.

0:19:38 > 0:19:40Corinne might try to use her feminine wiles on you.

0:19:40 > 0:19:42You should be inside.

0:19:42 > 0:19:46- I can't be in the same room as that woman. - No, you have every right to be there.

0:19:46 > 0:19:48I'm sure your father loved you just as much as your mother.

0:19:48 > 0:19:49More than.

0:19:49 > 0:19:52Corinne must acknowledge what you meant to him.

0:19:52 > 0:19:55You're right. I deserve to be in there. He loved me!

0:19:57 > 0:20:00You only called me 15 minutes ago! Who's bought it?

0:20:06 > 0:20:11Hello, I'm Mandy. What's your name?

0:20:12 > 0:20:13Harry.

0:20:14 > 0:20:17That's a lovely guinea pig you've got there, Harry.

0:20:17 > 0:20:19I just bought him.

0:20:19 > 0:20:21You know, a friend of mine

0:20:21 > 0:20:26used to have a guinea pig just like that, but it died.

0:20:26 > 0:20:29So I tried to buy another one to make her feel better,

0:20:29 > 0:20:31but they haven't got any left.

0:20:31 > 0:20:36Do you think you could do me a massive favour and let me buy that one?

0:20:36 > 0:20:37You want MY guinea pig?

0:20:39 > 0:20:40Yeah. You could get another one.

0:20:42 > 0:20:45But I don't need another one. I've got this one.

0:20:52 > 0:20:56- You! - That's right. I deserve to be here.

0:20:56 > 0:20:57Heston told me so!

0:20:57 > 0:20:58Did he now?

0:20:58 > 0:21:00Ladies, let's try and settle this.

0:21:00 > 0:21:04- No chance! She's a tart!- Says you!

0:21:04 > 0:21:06You have both endured a terrible loss.

0:21:06 > 0:21:08John wouldn't want you arguing.

0:21:08 > 0:21:11Let's bring mother and daughter together again.

0:21:11 > 0:21:16This isn't my daughter. She's Johnny's mistress!

0:21:16 > 0:21:19- I beg your pardon? - You brought his bit on the side!

0:21:19 > 0:21:22I see you've found yourself a new sugar daddy.

0:21:22 > 0:21:24Johnny loved me!

0:21:24 > 0:21:26Yeah, you and half of Letherbridge!

0:21:26 > 0:21:30Says you. Standing here in your black get-up! In mourning, are we?

0:21:30 > 0:21:32- How dare you?!- How dare YOU?!

0:21:32 > 0:21:35How dare you walk in here with the nerve and come in here

0:21:35 > 0:21:39telling me what to do and pretending to be my daughter!

0:21:39 > 0:21:40I'll make it worth your while.

0:21:42 > 0:21:43How?

0:21:43 > 0:21:45Cash on top of the sale price.

0:21:47 > 0:21:48How much?

0:21:49 > 0:21:51- Double.- It was 50 pounds.

0:21:51 > 0:21:5450 quid?! Flippin' heck! I'm in the wrong game.

0:21:54 > 0:21:56Right.

0:21:56 > 0:21:57100 quid.

0:21:59 > 0:22:02Actually, I don't know... It's a very special guinea pig.

0:22:02 > 0:22:05I couldn't let it go for that little.

0:22:05 > 0:22:06What's so special about it?

0:22:06 > 0:22:07Because YOU need it.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12- I don't think anyone's going to be...- Excuse me!

0:22:15 > 0:22:19I'm sorry I lied, but it's just... no-one ever feels bad for the mistress,

0:22:19 > 0:22:21and I wanted to win your trust.

0:22:21 > 0:22:24Ha! Get him into bed with your "poor me" act.

0:22:24 > 0:22:28I did love Johnny like a father. Sort of.

0:22:28 > 0:22:33And I put up with him every bit as much as she did.

0:22:33 > 0:22:34I demand compensation!

0:22:34 > 0:22:39I don't understand. If you're his mistress, where's his daughter?

0:22:39 > 0:22:42Still in Australia, I expect. She buggered off years ago.

0:22:42 > 0:22:44She hated Johnny.

0:22:44 > 0:22:49If you don't mind, I have the sacred responsibility of delivering

0:22:49 > 0:22:52the last will and testament of Jonathan Gough,

0:22:52 > 0:22:54so sit down and be quiet.

0:22:54 > 0:22:56Some of us would like to go home today.

0:23:03 > 0:23:07"I, Jonathan Gough, being of sound mind,

0:23:07 > 0:23:10"do hereby declare this to be my last will and testament.

0:23:10 > 0:23:13"I have not been happy these last few years.

0:23:13 > 0:23:14"My wife and mistress both hate me,

0:23:14 > 0:23:18"and my daughter moved halfway across the world to get away from me.

0:23:18 > 0:23:22"In all this, I found solace in my appointments with Doctor Carter.

0:23:22 > 0:23:26"He always made me feel relaxed and in the company of a friend.

0:23:26 > 0:23:29"To my family and friends, I'm sorry.

0:23:29 > 0:23:32"What you have become is a result of my own inadequacies.

0:23:32 > 0:23:36"I therefore order my executor to give the remainder of my estate,

0:23:36 > 0:23:40"after paying debts and funeral costs, to Doctor Heston Carter,

0:23:40 > 0:23:44"so that the cycle of hatred and materialism may finally end."

0:23:44 > 0:23:47Doctor Carter, I present Mr Gough's estate,

0:23:47 > 0:23:49as per his instructions.

0:23:57 > 0:23:59How much?

0:23:59 > 0:24:0120.

0:24:01 > 0:24:02Thousand?

0:24:02 > 0:24:05No, just 20.

0:24:07 > 0:24:12That's it?! All this for pocket change?

0:24:12 > 0:24:14After deducting debts owed to creditors,

0:24:14 > 0:24:17such as credit cards, car payments and so forth.

0:24:17 > 0:24:23It seems that certain people in Mr Gough's life had expensive tastes.

0:24:23 > 0:24:28You little tramp! You spent all my inheritance!

0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Me?- Yes, you!- You're the gold-digger he kept in luxury!

0:24:31 > 0:24:33Don't you dare call me a gold-digger!

0:24:33 > 0:24:37- How much did that hat cost? - Talking about hats, what about that jewel round your neck?

0:24:37 > 0:24:40- I paid for this myself. - I don't believe that! - How many wardrobes have you got?

0:24:40 > 0:24:42Johnny had plenty of mistresses!

0:24:42 > 0:24:45I'm not paying 400 quid!

0:24:45 > 0:24:47Then you don't get the guinea pig.

0:24:47 > 0:24:49Please, I really need this.

0:24:49 > 0:24:52There must be something else you want?

0:24:52 > 0:24:54Well, there is one thing...

0:24:54 > 0:24:55Anything.

0:24:55 > 0:24:57I can't give this pet away to just anyone,

0:24:57 > 0:25:00but I could give it as a present... to my new girlfriend.

0:25:00 > 0:25:02You what? That's crazy!

0:25:02 > 0:25:05- You're about nine! - I'm 12 and mature for my age.

0:25:05 > 0:25:07Not mature enough, mate.

0:25:07 > 0:25:11Listen, it doesn't have to be a long-term relationship. We can just have some fun.

0:25:11 > 0:25:12I beg your pardon?

0:25:12 > 0:25:16I can tell my mates I've got an older woman. And you can pick me up from school.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18And it's only right to seal the deal with a kiss.

0:25:18 > 0:25:20Right, that's it!

0:25:20 > 0:25:22Even if you were old enough,

0:25:22 > 0:25:24I wouldn't be seen dead with a spoilt little brat like you!

0:25:24 > 0:25:26Now give me that guinea pig!

0:25:29 > 0:25:32Sorry. Sorry.

0:25:32 > 0:25:33Sorry.

0:25:41 > 0:25:44Aw!

0:25:44 > 0:25:45Still no guinea pig?

0:25:45 > 0:25:47Nope.

0:25:47 > 0:25:48What're you going to do now?

0:25:48 > 0:25:50What I should've done this morning.

0:25:56 > 0:25:59Hi, Mrs Fitzwilliams,

0:25:59 > 0:26:03it's Mandy. I've got something to tell you about Calliope.

0:26:07 > 0:26:10Um... I think she's put a bit of weight on.

0:26:10 > 0:26:15I must have fed her too much. I'm really sorry. Thanks for understanding. Bye.

0:26:15 > 0:26:19- How?- I have my means!

0:26:19 > 0:26:21How did you even know?

0:26:21 > 0:26:22Jas filled me in.

0:26:22 > 0:26:24Oh! I don't believe it!

0:26:24 > 0:26:28I had a similar situation when our Jack killed the school rabbit.

0:26:28 > 0:26:31- That still doesn't explain where you...- Best not go there.

0:26:31 > 0:26:36Thank you, thank you, thank you! You two have really came through for me today.

0:26:36 > 0:26:37Now, who's up for a drink?

0:26:37 > 0:26:39Count me in!

0:26:39 > 0:26:41Jimmi! Are you ready to go?

0:26:41 > 0:26:43- Where to? - Join the others for a drink.

0:26:43 > 0:26:45I have a tale to tell and I need an audience.

0:26:45 > 0:26:47You've perked up.

0:26:47 > 0:26:50Well, after poor Mr Gough, being free and single doesn't seem quite so bad.

0:26:50 > 0:26:53- What happened?- I feel rejuvenated,

0:26:53 > 0:26:57and looking forward to seeing who'll be in Heston's last testament.

0:27:03 > 0:27:06- Try it. - I am not talking to a computer.

0:27:06 > 0:27:08One day very soon, Mrs Tembe, you'll have no choice.

0:27:08 > 0:27:11That's not an easy thing to tell people.

0:27:11 > 0:27:15Yeah, well, people don't know how to react. They get embarrassed.

0:27:15 > 0:27:17I'm not going to tell anyone. I just need to know what's going on.

0:27:17 > 0:27:21- Then you should speak to him yourself.- I'm asking you.

0:27:21 > 0:27:24Mum, you know as well as anyone that, in his condition,

0:27:24 > 0:27:25an infection can be fatal.

0:27:45 > 0:27:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd