The Wrong Man

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0:00:26 > 0:00:28My name is Craig Dooley.

0:00:29 > 0:00:32And I want to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing.

0:00:37 > 0:00:39It's all for you, Becky.

0:00:42 > 0:00:46When I was in Afghanistan, I wasn't fighting for Bush or Blair,

0:00:46 > 0:00:50it was for you, to make your world safe.

0:00:53 > 0:00:55And what I'm about to do this evening...

0:00:57 > 0:00:58..that's for you, too.

0:01:08 > 0:01:10Hold on a minute.

0:01:20 > 0:01:21Oh, thanks.

0:01:21 > 0:01:25Becky?! It's me, Craig.

0:01:25 > 0:01:28Oh! I'm so sorry. I didn't...

0:01:28 > 0:01:31I know. It's been a while. What are you up to these days?

0:01:31 > 0:01:34I'm a paralegal secretary.

0:01:34 > 0:01:37I always knew you'd make it once you got rid of me.

0:01:39 > 0:01:41- Becky, you forgot your phone. - Thanks.

0:01:41 > 0:01:44- What time are you back?- About six. - I'll have something hot for you.

0:01:44 > 0:01:46Thanks. Bye.

0:01:48 > 0:01:49Bye.

0:01:50 > 0:01:53- All right, mate?- Fine.

0:01:53 > 0:01:56- Sorry, do I know you? - No. I'm no-one.

0:01:56 > 0:02:00Oh, well, I think the council pay you to push that cart,

0:02:00 > 0:02:01not stand next to it.

0:02:11 > 0:02:14Oh, hello, what are you doing here?

0:02:14 > 0:02:17- What do you mean?- I thought you'd be at the hospital.

0:02:17 > 0:02:19Oh, no, he came home yesterday.

0:02:19 > 0:02:21Oh, right.

0:02:22 > 0:02:24Don't worry. He's got a carer.

0:02:24 > 0:02:27He's not going to set the house alight.

0:02:27 > 0:02:31Well, it's a good sign, isn't it? That he's allowed home.

0:02:31 > 0:02:33I offered to take the whole month off to look after him.

0:02:33 > 0:02:36But he says he just wants things to get back to normal.

0:02:36 > 0:02:38So that's the plan.

0:02:43 > 0:02:47There you go. That was quite a nasty cut.

0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Yeah.- So how did you do it?

0:02:49 > 0:02:51Picking up a broken bottle.

0:02:52 > 0:02:55Right. I would have thought they'd give you protective gloves.

0:02:55 > 0:02:56Well, what do they care?

0:02:56 > 0:03:00If anything happens to me, there's millions more people need work.

0:03:00 > 0:03:03Right. Was there anything else?

0:03:03 > 0:03:05No.

0:03:07 > 0:03:09Hang on! Is it the fourth of Feb today?

0:03:09 > 0:03:11Yeah.

0:03:11 > 0:03:13Many happy returns!

0:03:13 > 0:03:16- Thanks.- Are you doing anything special?

0:03:16 > 0:03:19I've got a few things to sort out first.

0:03:21 > 0:03:23Do I know you?

0:03:23 > 0:03:25I don't think so.

0:03:25 > 0:03:28Dooley. Private Dooley.

0:03:28 > 0:03:30So, are you working?

0:03:30 > 0:03:31Yeah.

0:03:31 > 0:03:35Can you say what, or is it for MI6?

0:03:35 > 0:03:38- I'm a street cleaner.- Oh.- Do you have a problem with that?- No, I...

0:03:38 > 0:03:41Street cleaners are the first line of defence preventing

0:03:41 > 0:03:44- civilians from suffering a slip and trip injury.- Hear, hear!

0:03:44 > 0:03:45It's a very important job.

0:03:45 > 0:03:48I just thought somebody with your experience and skill

0:03:48 > 0:03:50could have aimed a little higher.

0:03:50 > 0:03:53You think because I clean rubbish, that means I'm rubbish.

0:03:53 > 0:03:56- I didn't say that. I...- That I'm subhuman. The lowest of the low.

0:03:56 > 0:03:58Give that back!

0:03:58 > 0:04:00There'd be mess everywhere. Taking you over. Destroying you!

0:04:00 > 0:04:02I am not rubbish. That's rubbish.

0:04:04 > 0:04:05What was that about?

0:04:05 > 0:04:08It's all right. It's under control.

0:04:11 > 0:04:12- KNOCKING - Enter!

0:04:12 > 0:04:15Chris. How are things?

0:04:15 > 0:04:20Oh, you know. We're still a bit shaken.

0:04:20 > 0:04:22I'm not surprised.

0:04:23 > 0:04:28He's home now. And we're just trying to get everything sorted.

0:04:28 > 0:04:30Well, if there's anything I can do...

0:04:30 > 0:04:34Actually, there is. Could you take over as Dad's GP?

0:04:36 > 0:04:38I'm not sure I'd be the best person.

0:04:38 > 0:04:42You'd be better than his current doctor. He's useless.

0:04:42 > 0:04:45I'm better than useless? That's very reassuring(!)

0:04:45 > 0:04:49That's not what I mean, but it'd just be so much more convenient.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51In what way?

0:04:51 > 0:04:53Having him treated here, where we work.

0:04:54 > 0:04:58Yeah, it's usually frowned upon to treat a colleague's partner.

0:04:58 > 0:05:02There are all sorts of issues regarding confidentiality.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05It could put your mum in a tricky situation.

0:05:06 > 0:05:08Probably best if you found someone else.

0:05:08 > 0:05:13OK. Please just think about it for me though, yeah?

0:05:23 > 0:05:25Oh, flamin'... Just open!

0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Give it here.- Oh!

0:05:28 > 0:05:30My hero!

0:05:30 > 0:05:32I think you'd loosened it a bit.

0:05:33 > 0:05:36He's a superhero, and he's modest!

0:05:36 > 0:05:39Sometimes I think the only fact that my marriage stays together is

0:05:39 > 0:05:42that Rob can get the lids off jam jars.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44Really?!

0:05:44 > 0:05:49Last year, when Jack and Immie left, we had so many rows.

0:05:49 > 0:05:51We had one really bad one,

0:05:51 > 0:05:56he storms off, and I was just about to call the divorce lawyers.

0:05:56 > 0:05:59Then, I really fancied a pickled onion, like you do.

0:06:00 > 0:06:02So I couldn't get the lid off.

0:06:02 > 0:06:04So what did you do?

0:06:04 > 0:06:08Well, I wasn't going to ask him - that would have been humiliating.

0:06:08 > 0:06:10So I just stared at it, and salivated.

0:06:10 > 0:06:13But I was really grateful when we kissed and made up.

0:06:15 > 0:06:17Well, I'm always happy to help.

0:06:21 > 0:06:22They think I'm rubbish.

0:06:24 > 0:06:26And you pretend you don't even know me.

0:06:26 > 0:06:28It's like, when you put on a street cleaner's uniform,

0:06:28 > 0:06:30you become invisible.

0:06:32 > 0:06:40You remember Mortlake School disco, 1996? The first time we danced.

0:06:42 > 0:06:44Our very first kiss...

0:06:48 > 0:06:50Things were so good between us.

0:06:54 > 0:06:56Hello?

0:06:56 > 0:06:58GLASS SHATTERS

0:07:02 > 0:07:05- Craig.- What do you want?

0:07:05 > 0:07:08Well, I was just in the area, and...

0:07:08 > 0:07:11I wanted to say sorry if I offended you.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13You've said it. You can go now.

0:07:13 > 0:07:15I also wanted to know if you're OK.

0:07:15 > 0:07:18If there was anything I could do to help.

0:07:18 > 0:07:21I'm not in the army any more. I don't have to take orders from you.

0:07:21 > 0:07:24- You never did take orders from me. - Oh, yeah? Huntley Training Camp.

0:07:24 > 0:07:282002. You gave us a talk. Just before we flew to Bagram.

0:07:28 > 0:07:30Are you sure that was me?

0:07:30 > 0:07:33You said we could never be 100% sure of winning.

0:07:33 > 0:07:37But we had to be 100% sure that we deserved to win.

0:07:37 > 0:07:39That was me.

0:07:39 > 0:07:41Small world.

0:07:41 > 0:07:44Look, I know it's tough, getting back to life on Civvy Street,

0:07:44 > 0:07:47- so if there's anything I can do to help...- No.

0:07:49 > 0:07:50Fine.

0:07:51 > 0:07:54Wait! There is one thing.

0:08:11 > 0:08:14I must say, you keep this place spotless.

0:08:14 > 0:08:16Well, you have to.

0:08:16 > 0:08:19Once you allow dust to settle, it starts to take over.

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Is that your girlfriend?

0:08:23 > 0:08:25No.

0:08:25 > 0:08:27She's my ex-wife.

0:08:27 > 0:08:30We were together for five years.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32But when I went off to Afghanistan,

0:08:32 > 0:08:35she dumped me for some posh git who works in advertising.

0:08:35 > 0:08:38- I'm sorry to hear that. - How could she do that?

0:08:38 > 0:08:41When I'm laying my life on the line for her?

0:08:41 > 0:08:44Some people can be cruel.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47So... can you have a word with her?

0:08:47 > 0:08:49What?!

0:08:49 > 0:08:51Just tell her to give me another chance.

0:08:51 > 0:08:54- I can't do that. - But you know the right words.

0:08:54 > 0:08:58You spoke to me, made me feel it was the best thing to do with my life.

0:09:01 > 0:09:02But that was a choice you made.

0:09:02 > 0:09:06I can't do anything if she's chosen to be with this guy.

0:09:06 > 0:09:08No! She's made the wrong choice!

0:09:08 > 0:09:12- She's got the wrong man. - How can you possibly know that?

0:09:12 > 0:09:15I became a street cleaner so I could keep an eye on her.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18So I could see her go to work in the morning,

0:09:18 > 0:09:19and come home safe at night.

0:09:21 > 0:09:25You see - she takes St John's wort for depression.

0:09:25 > 0:09:27She orders about six holiday brochures a month.

0:09:27 > 0:09:29That's not the sign of someone who's happy, is it?

0:09:29 > 0:09:33If she finds out about this, she'll put out a restraining order.

0:09:33 > 0:09:36You said, "You can never be 100% sure you're going to win.

0:09:36 > 0:09:38"But you've got to be 100% sure that you deserve to win."

0:09:38 > 0:09:40And I am. I am sure.

0:09:40 > 0:09:43How do you know she's not better off with this other bloke?

0:09:43 > 0:09:46He's been having a relationship with some girl he met on the internet.

0:09:46 > 0:09:50They send each other the most disgusting, filthy e-mails.

0:09:50 > 0:09:52How do you know about that?

0:09:53 > 0:09:54Because it's me.

0:10:00 > 0:10:03- KNOCKING - Come in.

0:10:03 > 0:10:04Cup of tea.

0:10:04 > 0:10:06Thank you.

0:10:06 > 0:10:09I just wanted to say sorry for banging on about jam jars,

0:10:09 > 0:10:11pickled onions and my marital problems

0:10:11 > 0:10:14when I know what things are like for you and your mum and your dad.

0:10:14 > 0:10:18It's nice to hear someone else's problems for a change.

0:10:20 > 0:10:22I feel so helpless, Karen.

0:10:24 > 0:10:27But then I think about Dad, and how does he feel?

0:10:27 > 0:10:30Poor bloke can't even tie his shoelaces.

0:10:30 > 0:10:31Ohh.

0:10:32 > 0:10:34We were so close to losing him.

0:10:34 > 0:10:36Come here.

0:10:36 > 0:10:39What you need is some positive thinking.

0:10:39 > 0:10:42I don't know what it must be like for your dad, but I do know

0:10:42 > 0:10:46he's got a wife who loves him, and a son he must be so proud of.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49And that's maybe what pulled him through,

0:10:49 > 0:10:51what keeps him going.

0:10:51 > 0:10:52Yeah.

0:10:52 > 0:10:56You have to stay strong for him.

0:11:10 > 0:11:11Hello?

0:11:11 > 0:11:13'Hi, is that Becky Devonish?'

0:11:13 > 0:11:14It is.

0:11:14 > 0:11:16My name is Howard Bellamy.

0:11:16 > 0:11:18I'm the manager of The Mill Health Centre.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20Right...

0:11:20 > 0:11:23'I need to talk to you about your ex-husband.'

0:11:23 > 0:11:26- My what? - Your ex-husband, Craig Dooley.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29OK, this is weird.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33Craig Dooley is some guy I went to school with.

0:11:33 > 0:11:35I can vaguely remember him,

0:11:35 > 0:11:39but... he's started working in my street as a cleaner.

0:11:39 > 0:11:41I didn't even recognise him at first, but...

0:11:41 > 0:11:45Ah. I think we should meet up.

0:11:46 > 0:11:49I still don't think I'm the right man for the job.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51You're the best GP I've met.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53I'm not an expert of spinal injuries.

0:11:53 > 0:11:56I know, but... Sam is very depressed,

0:11:56 > 0:11:59and I think seeing you might cheer him up a bit.

0:11:59 > 0:12:03Yes, but if I'm Sam's doctor, it could become awkward

0:12:03 > 0:12:07if he divulges personal, sensitive information.

0:12:07 > 0:12:09What, sex, you mean?

0:12:09 > 0:12:12Well, not specifically, but that might crop up.

0:12:12 > 0:12:16Heston, Sam and I don't have a sex life.

0:12:18 > 0:12:20We barely had one before the accident.

0:12:22 > 0:12:24Please go and see him?

0:12:32 > 0:12:35So. What's he been saying about me?

0:12:35 > 0:12:38He's beginning to form some kind of obsession.

0:12:38 > 0:12:40Did you know he was in Afghanistan?

0:12:40 > 0:12:44- No.- I think he's suffering from post-traumatic stress.

0:12:44 > 0:12:48He's begun to believe that you two were a couple,

0:12:48 > 0:12:50probably because it's a nicer thing to think of.

0:12:50 > 0:12:52But I've hardly ever said two words to him.

0:12:52 > 0:12:54In his head, you were married.

0:12:54 > 0:12:57I don't think he means you any harm,

0:12:57 > 0:13:01but I think he bears some kind of grudge against your husband.

0:13:04 > 0:13:05What?

0:13:05 > 0:13:07Alan works from home.

0:13:07 > 0:13:08Alan?!

0:13:10 > 0:13:15So, do you think you'll be able to take me on?

0:13:16 > 0:13:19Well, I do have a very full list,

0:13:19 > 0:13:24and I have some reservations about treating the husband of a colleague.

0:13:24 > 0:13:27It could prove quite... awkward.

0:13:28 > 0:13:30I wouldn't worry about that.

0:13:30 > 0:13:33When you've been poked and prodded as much as I have in some

0:13:33 > 0:13:37of the places I have, you lose all sense of embarrassment.

0:13:39 > 0:13:42Right, well, let me ask you a few questions.

0:13:42 > 0:13:45- Good. I'd like to ask you a question.- OK.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52What do you think about death?

0:13:54 > 0:13:56What is it?

0:13:56 > 0:13:57For the past few weeks,

0:13:57 > 0:14:01Alan's been getting these weird e-mails from some girl called Honey.

0:14:01 > 0:14:03She says she saw his photo on his website.

0:14:03 > 0:14:06And we thought it was some kind of scam, but...

0:14:06 > 0:14:11now she wants to meet up in her parents' summer house

0:14:11 > 0:14:14to have sex. It's him, isn't it?

0:14:14 > 0:14:17Yes. Do you think Alan's gone round there?

0:14:17 > 0:14:19He might have, to stop whoever's doing it.

0:14:19 > 0:14:21I think we should call the police.

0:14:21 > 0:14:23So they can give him a slap on the wrist?

0:14:23 > 0:14:26- No, I'm going to deal with this. - Becky!

0:14:32 > 0:14:36You see, I need to be 100% sure that I'm right.

0:14:38 > 0:14:40So this is what I'm going to do.

0:14:41 > 0:14:45If he doesn't show up, then fine, he deserves you.

0:14:47 > 0:14:51But if he comes to my house, believe me,

0:14:51 > 0:14:55he deserves everything that's coming to him.

0:14:56 > 0:14:58This is Judgement Day.

0:15:06 > 0:15:09What if he didn't get the last e-mail?

0:15:09 > 0:15:11Of course. And he wouldn't fall for it.

0:15:11 > 0:15:14- Let me go and have a look. - No!- You stay here.

0:15:29 > 0:15:31Craig?

0:15:31 > 0:15:32You shouldn't be here.

0:15:32 > 0:15:34What are you doing?

0:15:34 > 0:15:36I'm on a mission...

0:15:36 > 0:15:39to find out the truth about that guy she lives with.

0:15:44 > 0:15:45Where is he?

0:15:48 > 0:15:50You and Becky were never married.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55But we should have been. She married the wrong man.

0:15:57 > 0:15:59Now I'm going to put things right.

0:16:02 > 0:16:05There are some battles you can't win.

0:16:05 > 0:16:08Sometimes you've got to make a tactical retreat

0:16:08 > 0:16:09before you ruin your life.

0:16:12 > 0:16:14It's my birthday today.

0:16:15 > 0:16:20And I always said, by the time I was 30, that I'd be with her.

0:16:23 > 0:16:25So that's what I'm going to do.

0:16:26 > 0:16:32When I was in hospital, people were being given very strong drugs,

0:16:32 > 0:16:36having tubes shoved up their nose,

0:16:36 > 0:16:40all so they could have a few days more,

0:16:40 > 0:16:43or a few hours more, minutes.

0:16:45 > 0:16:47What for?

0:16:48 > 0:16:51Emma said you were pretty depressed.

0:16:53 > 0:16:58I'm not depressed. I'm just frustrated about my condition.

0:17:00 > 0:17:03I mean, how would you cope?

0:17:03 > 0:17:08Oh, I don't know. I think I'd be impossible to live with.

0:17:10 > 0:17:12But I'd want to carry on living.

0:17:14 > 0:17:17One thing I do like - at least I get to see things grow.

0:17:20 > 0:17:22That tree outside.

0:17:24 > 0:17:29First I'll see it blossom, then I'll see the leaves swell...

0:17:32 > 0:17:34..then I'll have all the pleasures of autumn.

0:17:36 > 0:17:40Seasons of mists and mellow fruitfulness.

0:17:41 > 0:17:45Close-bosom friend of the maturing sun.

0:17:48 > 0:17:50We don't give the seasons enough fuss, do we?

0:17:52 > 0:17:55We eat the same thing all year round.

0:17:56 > 0:18:01This time of year, we should be eating winter greens,

0:18:01 > 0:18:06followed by a nice bowl of rhubarb crumble.

0:18:06 > 0:18:08Oh, I couldn't agree more.

0:18:08 > 0:18:10I think you're going to be my kind of patient.

0:18:11 > 0:18:14I thought you said your list was full.

0:18:14 > 0:18:17Well... I'll start another one.

0:18:21 > 0:18:24I know, in your head, you think it's right,

0:18:24 > 0:18:27- but she's married to another man. - So what do I do? Just give up?

0:18:27 > 0:18:30Sometimes that's all we can do.

0:18:31 > 0:18:33You're just the same, aren't you?

0:18:33 > 0:18:37- What?- You've got someone. Who you can't be with.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39I can see it in your eyes.

0:18:39 > 0:18:41It's like you're not all there.

0:18:41 > 0:18:42Even if there was somebody,

0:18:42 > 0:18:46if they've chosen to be with someone else, there's not much I can do.

0:18:46 > 0:18:50No! This is fate! This is how it was meant to be!

0:18:51 > 0:18:55Alan, where are you?!

0:18:55 > 0:18:59Please, whatever you're doing, just call me.

0:19:13 > 0:19:14Even if she wasn't married,

0:19:14 > 0:19:17she probably wouldn't look at you twice, you're a mess.

0:19:17 > 0:19:19You're living in your mum's old house,

0:19:19 > 0:19:23and you've got a job as a cleaner. Come on, son, pick yourself up.

0:19:23 > 0:19:26Stop obsessing with this woman and sort your life out.

0:19:26 > 0:19:27That's what I'm doing.

0:19:28 > 0:19:30Becky's in the car outside.

0:19:30 > 0:19:33You two need to talk to each other.

0:19:33 > 0:19:35She's angry with you, and I don't blame her.

0:19:35 > 0:19:38I saw three of my mates killed by a roadside bomb.

0:19:40 > 0:19:43And I always thought, why was I the one who didn't die?

0:19:43 > 0:19:44And then I realised -

0:19:44 > 0:19:46because I should never have been in Afghanistan.

0:19:46 > 0:19:48I should have been here with Becky.

0:19:48 > 0:19:51That bomb was meant for someone else.

0:19:53 > 0:19:57And that's my mission. To pass it on to the right person.

0:19:58 > 0:20:00BEEPING

0:20:00 > 0:20:02EXPLOSION

0:20:07 > 0:20:09Becky! No!

0:20:26 > 0:20:28KNOCKING

0:20:28 > 0:20:30Come in.

0:20:33 > 0:20:35Hello. Forget something?

0:20:35 > 0:20:38No, but I've been thinking about what you said.

0:20:38 > 0:20:40About death?

0:20:40 > 0:20:42No. Rhubarb.

0:20:42 > 0:20:45Little deli where I live. Yorkshire rhubarb.

0:20:45 > 0:20:47First of the season.

0:20:48 > 0:20:51Do you feed all your patients this way?

0:20:51 > 0:20:54- No, but I do have an ulterior motive.- Right.

0:20:54 > 0:20:56I have to give a speech on Wednesday.

0:20:56 > 0:20:59Part of a symposium on the modern role of the NHS.

0:20:59 > 0:21:03And I understand you used to be a lecturer.

0:21:03 > 0:21:05I could do with some hints.

0:21:07 > 0:21:12I could try. But first, I'd love to try the rhubarb.

0:21:17 > 0:21:18She died instantly.

0:21:18 > 0:21:21The bomb contained fragments of broken glass and weed killer.

0:21:21 > 0:21:25From what I've been told, a typical IED, but you'd know that already.

0:21:25 > 0:21:27Where's Craig now?

0:21:27 > 0:21:28The doctor's just seen him.

0:21:28 > 0:21:31It's going to be a long time before he's fit to interview.

0:21:45 > 0:21:48You do know the bomb wasn't meant for her.

0:21:48 > 0:21:50It was meant for her husband.

0:21:50 > 0:21:52Yeah, we do.

0:21:52 > 0:21:55I'd just nipped into town for a few minutes.

0:21:55 > 0:22:00My wife and I, we've been having some problems.

0:22:01 > 0:22:04I suffer from depression,

0:22:04 > 0:22:08and I'd been getting these weird e-mails,

0:22:08 > 0:22:13and Becky was just so wonderful at calming me down.

0:22:13 > 0:22:18So I decided... I decided to book a surprise holiday.

0:22:20 > 0:22:22We were going to go to the Maldives.

0:22:22 > 0:22:24Scuba diving.

0:22:27 > 0:22:32It was going to be... a second honeymoon.

0:22:43 > 0:22:45Was there anything else I could have done?

0:22:45 > 0:22:46I don't know.

0:22:46 > 0:22:48You could have told us,

0:22:48 > 0:22:50we could have set up a surveillance operation.

0:22:50 > 0:22:53But it would probably have still been too late.

0:22:54 > 0:22:57I just wish there was more we could have done for him

0:22:57 > 0:22:59- when he left the army.- I agree.

0:22:59 > 0:23:04We take on these young lads, train them up, put them through hell.

0:23:04 > 0:23:07And then when we're finished with them,

0:23:07 > 0:23:10cast them aside, put them on the scrapheap.

0:23:11 > 0:23:13No wonder they have problems.

0:23:13 > 0:23:18He left a video. We're working our way through it.

0:23:22 > 0:23:27I've been all round the world, and I've seen so much injustice.

0:23:30 > 0:23:33I've been to countries where they stone you to death

0:23:33 > 0:23:35for falling in love with the wrong person.

0:23:39 > 0:23:43But the worst injustice of all is that, 15 years ago,

0:23:43 > 0:23:45you said no to me.

0:23:48 > 0:23:53But if you do change your mind, things will get better.

0:23:56 > 0:24:00We can change the world, you and me, Becky, forever...

0:24:04 > 0:24:08So you're worried about getting up

0:24:08 > 0:24:12- in front of all these health professionals?- That's right.

0:24:12 > 0:24:15Well, I can imagine - don't worry about them,

0:24:15 > 0:24:17they've all got their own issues.

0:24:17 > 0:24:20You're there to represent, say,

0:24:20 > 0:24:24an 82-year-old woman who... needs a new hip,

0:24:24 > 0:24:28or a five-year-old suffering from chronic asthma.

0:24:28 > 0:24:29Right.

0:24:31 > 0:24:33So you fight for them. Tell their story.

0:24:33 > 0:24:35That's it.

0:24:35 > 0:24:37Good advice.

0:24:41 > 0:24:48Bayezid, the first great Ottoman emperor - do you know the story?

0:24:48 > 0:24:50I don't, actually.

0:24:50 > 0:24:52I'll cut to the chase -

0:24:52 > 0:24:56he was defeated in 1402 by a Turkish warlord, named Timur.

0:24:57 > 0:25:01After the battle, what do you think Timur did by way of punishment?

0:25:01 > 0:25:03Hung, drawn and quartered?

0:25:04 > 0:25:06Nothing so humane.

0:25:07 > 0:25:11He held him prisoner and he put him in a golden cage.

0:25:12 > 0:25:16And every night, he let him out of the cage for three hours,

0:25:16 > 0:25:18and he'd use him as a footstool.

0:25:21 > 0:25:25And if this wasn't humiliation enough, Timur at the same time made

0:25:25 > 0:25:31Bayezid's wife serve everyone dinner, but he made her do it naked.

0:25:34 > 0:25:39This cosy little arrangement went on for seven months,

0:25:39 > 0:25:43until, finally, Bayezid managed to commit suicide

0:25:43 > 0:25:50by repeatedly banging his head on the bars of his golden cage.

0:25:53 > 0:25:57And you see parallels between Bayezid and yourself?

0:25:59 > 0:26:01Oh, no.

0:26:01 > 0:26:06Just, when things are bad, I like to look at the great losers of history.

0:26:06 > 0:26:08I'm not the first person to be a prisoner.

0:26:12 > 0:26:14And things will get better.

0:26:14 > 0:26:15I know.

0:26:17 > 0:26:19Patience.

0:26:27 > 0:26:30I'll just have to ask someone else.

0:26:30 > 0:26:32Daniel, perhaps.

0:26:32 > 0:26:34Heston... Heston?

0:26:34 > 0:26:36Did you find anything out about yourself?

0:26:36 > 0:26:37Yeah.

0:26:37 > 0:26:40Apparently, I'm not a very nice person to know.

0:26:40 > 0:26:43I hardly think some old, tatty bunting is appropriate.

0:26:43 > 0:26:45With all due respect,

0:26:45 > 0:26:49I think I have more of an idea of what the Reverend would like.

0:27:07 > 0:27:10Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd