0:01:00 > 0:01:01Belinda?
0:01:02 > 0:01:06I've got a load of paperwork I need to catch up on today.
0:01:06 > 0:01:11I'm sure, by the end of it, I will have a load more.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15You've got to be a copper and an administrator these days.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Might as well shove a broom up me.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Oh, don't be so grumpy!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I just want to get home and have a beer on the settee.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23A nice hot bath...
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Curl up with a romance, nibble on a fondant fancy?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- You what?- We're going line dancing.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Oh, that's tonight, is it?
0:01:34 > 0:01:37I'm so busy, I hope I don't get caught up at work.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39You won't.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42No. Bye.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46I don't need much.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Whenever you get a chance, sometime today, will be fine.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- I do need to be somewhere. - I know you're busy.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54I don't have time, Doris!
0:01:56 > 0:01:59I'm sorry.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02I'm late. I've got to meet my mother!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- Morning.- Morning.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Hey, I like your hair. New product?
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Are you saying insinuating that I'm not usually well groomed?
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Would I? Are you in the zone for tonight's match?
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Yeah, my action will be as smooth as my hair.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20I look forward to seeing that.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25What else are you hoping will be smooth tonight?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Belinda!- Mum!
0:02:38 > 0:02:40You haven't checked in yet?
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Oh, I cancelled that.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- What's the matter?- Nothing. I just haven't got the flat ready for...
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I've come to see you, not get room service.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51- It's just...- It'll be fine.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Besides, how can I fuss over you, if I'm in a hotel?
0:02:56 > 0:02:57What?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Yes?
0:03:07 > 0:03:10- Was that an attempt at Zumba? - Don't be stupid.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- Me and Rob are going line dancing tonight.- Why?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Because I thought it would be fun!
0:03:16 > 0:03:18And I'd like to try something different.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21Different? What next in this place? Crochet competitions?
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- Well, even you must have hobbies? - No. I have a life.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Ooh, I hope nobody gets on the wrong side of you today.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- This seems all right to me.- Sshh! - I'm not shouting, am I?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- Good morning.- Morning.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45I'm Clarissa. Belinda's mother.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- Really, she should be doing the intros.- This is Doris.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Nice to meet you.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I just wondered if you had a bit more time now?
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Whether you could do that shopping? I hate asking.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01- Of course we can do some shopping for you!- Oh, thank you.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03It's harder for me to get out now, since me fall.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06How rotten for you.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Why don't you go back inside and make out a list,
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- and I'll collect it later. - Are you sure?
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- Of course.- Oh, thank you.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Belinda?
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Belinda! That was so rude! I felt embarrassed.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28You don't understand.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I understand manners.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34It's awful how people become invisible when they're old.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38- How would you feel being treated like that?- It's not as simple as that.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Well, it seems pretty straightforward to me.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45I should be back before five. Don't get her any shopping, will you?
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- It's no problem.- Mum, please.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32How's business? Are you the new Hilary Devey yet?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34You've seen me in my shoulder pads?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I'd go for it, if I was running a business.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Big leather chair. Massive desk.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Well, it doesn't have a big leather chair,
0:05:41 > 0:05:46but I do have a small office now. Me and a laptop are the main contents.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47Good.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Your blood pressure is slightly higher than usual.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I've been rushing about a bit.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58Still, work and home are a bit more separate now, with the office.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02Is there anything else that might have caused it to go higher?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Belinda, what's wrong?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09SHE SOBS
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I don't know when Belinda will be back.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17I can't sit around all day, so you'd be doing me a favour.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19If you're sure it's no bother?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Of course not. I need to get some food in, anyway.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24My daughter's fridge is looking very minimalist.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26She's always so busy, isn't she?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Just take another deep breath.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I must seem soft.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41No. Stressed. A break-up,
0:06:41 > 0:06:43a new business, a new home.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Hey, and I want my tissues back.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49How are you finding living on your own?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52It was strange at first.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56So I just put everything into work.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57SHE SOBS
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Just...breathe.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06It's funny...
0:07:07 > 0:07:09..I don't really miss Mike.
0:07:10 > 0:07:15I think I miss the security of us as a couple, but not him.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Are you sleeping OK?
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Not great.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26It's just...
0:07:27 > 0:07:28It's OK.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31It's my neighbour.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- I think that's everything. - Are you sure?
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Well, I am having some friends round later.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Well, just add what you need.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44My friend Elsa loves gin and lemonade!
0:07:45 > 0:07:49- I can pay for it all. - Oh, I don't doubt it!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Anything you need.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Thank you, it really is a help.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Maybe just get another bottle of wine? Thank you.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08To be honest, when I found the flat
0:08:08 > 0:08:11and realised Doris was my neighbour, I was relieved.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- No noisy all-night parties?- Yeah.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16But...
0:08:16 > 0:08:19When I moved in - living there on my own, working there -
0:08:19 > 0:08:23I realised how lonely it must be for someone like Doris, you know?
0:08:23 > 0:08:26I knew sometimes she couldn't get out,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28so I offered sometimes to do her shopping.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- But...- Now she expects it?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Yes, but that's fine. It's just what she wants me to buy.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41When she first asked me for alcohol, she said she was having a party.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43But I've never seen anyone visit.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45How often does she ask?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Every time I go out, she's there,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49or I'm waiting for her to appear.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I'm nervous each time I leave the flat, and then coming home.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56Well, have you tried explaining that you can't always get her shopping?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I've tried, but she doesn't seem to listen.
0:08:58 > 0:09:02I can't seem to get my mind to switch off.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04And now I've got my mum staying at the flat.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Maybe she can help?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I wouldn't want to involve her.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Why not?- No point worrying her. I need to be going.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Well, if you want, I can contact Social Services
0:09:14 > 0:09:15and get them to look in on Doris?
0:09:15 > 0:09:19- If you just give me her address... - No, it's fine. I'm being silly.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20Thanks for listening.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Maybe we could get something to eat afterwards?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- Celebrate our victory? - Mmm, I like the confidence.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Hey, I'm just trying to keep up with you!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35I didn't know you were sporty, Al.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Oh, not in a leaping around like an idiot way, but...
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Ladies do like a winner, though.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Yeah, the amount of darts groupies is overwhelming.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46One's enough.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Right.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Ladies like a confident sportsman. It's the alpha male thing.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54It's about taking charge. Taking action.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56You never see the players on the bench get the girl.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00It's about taking the win.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Good luck with that.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Oh, don't worry about that!
0:10:16 > 0:10:17It's so nice to have a full fridge.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Are you sure you don't need anything getting ready for your guests?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Sorry?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24You said you had friends coming?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Oh, that! No, I'm fine.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- You'll join me in a drink, though, won't you?- I should be getting back.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35There's no rush! I'll get some glasses.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Hello? Mum?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Won't your guests be here soon?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00KNOCK ON THE DOOR Er, I'll go.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06I knew it.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- She just gave it to me. - After everything we've gone through?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Belinda... - It always comes first, doesn't it?
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Oh, you're just in time! I'll get another glass.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16This is you not having one, is it?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18I just did Doris' shopping for her, I brought it back...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- Just a social drink, don't want to be rude.- I haven't...
0:11:21 > 0:11:23This is where you pretend you haven't had anything?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25When I'll be the one cleaning you up later!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Doris, we have to go.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28BELINDA BREATHES HEAVILY
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- GLASS SMASHES - Oh!
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Oh, aren't I silly?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33SHE CHUCKLES
0:11:33 > 0:11:35BELINDA HYPERVENTILATES Belinda?
0:11:35 > 0:11:36Don't touch me!
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- Oh, you ready?- Yee-ha!
0:11:47 > 0:11:51I can't tempt you with a takeaway and a bottle of wine?
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Don't be so boring. It's going to be fun!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Right, try and get her to take deep breaths.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Sit her down if you can, OK?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- Let's get out of here before there are any more calls. - Your wagon awaits, Calamity Jane.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07Oh, see? You can get into the spirit when you try.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08Carry on, cowboy!
0:12:10 > 0:12:12SHE IMITATES WHIP CRACKING
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- They'll be here.- They're late!
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- Maybe they got stuck in traffic? - It's not acceptable!
0:12:20 > 0:12:21OK, easy, tiger!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24It's just I've been looking forward to this all day.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28- Me too.- I've got all this energy and nowhere to put it.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31I'm sure we could think of something.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Ooh! Game of pool?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Are you trying to hustle me for drinks?
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Perhaps.- Loser pays for dinner?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51MUSIC: "Inside Out" by Imelda May
0:12:57 > 0:13:02# Love, it's so crazy Make my heart go
0:13:02 > 0:13:04# Oops-a-daisy Make my blood flow
0:13:04 > 0:13:08# Not so lazy Cos I love you inside out
0:13:09 > 0:13:11# Time is a-wasting
0:13:11 > 0:13:14# Why do you hold out? So frustrating
0:13:14 > 0:13:17# Cos you know that you're looking amazing
0:13:17 > 0:13:20# And I love you inside out
0:13:20 > 0:13:22# I love your eyes Blue as the skies
0:13:22 > 0:13:25# I love your lips to your fingertips
0:13:25 > 0:13:28# I love your bones Your old sticks and stones
0:13:28 > 0:13:31# Yeah, I love you inside out. #
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- Where are all the cowboys? - Oh, come on.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41- Ladies and gentlemen, we've got some beginners in tonight. - CHEERING
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- Here we go. - MUSIC STARTS
0:13:46 > 0:13:47And, five, six, seven, eight.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51# You're more than a number in my little red book
0:13:51 > 0:13:55# You're more than a one-night date
0:13:55 > 0:13:59# All it had to take me was just one look
0:13:59 > 0:14:03# My heart began a-thumping Babe, you had it jumping
0:14:03 > 0:14:07# Cos you're more than a number in my little red book... #
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Just keep breathing out, slowly.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12It was a panic attack.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Do you know what brought it on?
0:14:16 > 0:14:18It was me.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20She thought I'd been drinking.
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Look, I swear I wasn't going to have anything.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30She just gave me the bottle. I told her I had to go.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Is that what she said to you?
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Yes, but it's more complicated than that. Isn't it, Mum?
0:14:36 > 0:14:39I didn't have anything.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- How many times have I heard that? - I know, but it's true!
0:14:46 > 0:14:48When she said she needed the wine,
0:14:48 > 0:14:51I... Well, I never thought she'd have a problem.
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Why? Is there a type? Old men on park benches?
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Couldn't possibly be a nice lady, could it?
0:14:59 > 0:15:01How would she get her lippy on if she had shaky hands?!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06You had a lot of "parties", didn't you?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07(Belinda...)
0:15:07 > 0:15:10But the difference is, Doris doesn't have a daughter
0:15:10 > 0:15:12who can clean up after her, does she?
0:15:12 > 0:15:15OK, OK, look, calm down. There's another story here.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18And whatever it is, it needs resolving
0:15:18 > 0:15:21if it's affecting you like this.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23I thought things were better between us?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25You know how sorry I am.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Pretending nothing happened isn't being sorry.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31I've had years to...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35I can't do it again.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Oh, you don't have to.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41But carrying this anger around is making you ill.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48It was Belinda who saw me at my worst,
0:15:48 > 0:15:50when I was drinking.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Most people gave up on me. But she didn't.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Where's Doris?
0:15:57 > 0:16:01BOTTLE SMASHES, DORIS LAUGHS
0:16:01 > 0:16:04JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS
0:16:20 > 0:16:25# Oh, don't you believe me
0:16:25 > 0:16:28# Yeah, I know
0:16:28 > 0:16:32# It's kind of creepy... #
0:16:32 > 0:16:35Did you tell Mandy about your fall recently?
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Oh, it was nothing serious.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40- What did your doctor recommend? - Don't like to make a fuss.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43It's all right, Doris. You shouldn't be ashamed.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Ashamed? Why would I be ashamed?
0:16:48 > 0:16:52I had friends visiting. I meant to do a tidy.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56I'm just a bit concerned if you've had a few falls recently.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57I'm clumsy.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00But what if next time you fall and there's no-one here to help?
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Well, Belinda helps when she can. Don't you?
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Well, Belinda can't always be expected to help.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12I could arrange something more permanent.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14I mean, not just for the shopping, but help around the flat.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18I do understand how you feel, Doris.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21But the drinking -
0:17:21 > 0:17:23it can creep up on you.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Drinking? What is she saying?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I had a drink problem, Doris.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32I told myself I was being social.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I used to say I was having friends round, parties.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Drink problem?
0:17:37 > 0:17:41You come into my house and you say...
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- TEARFULLY:- I'm... I'm not like that.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Come on, Doris.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I don't know how....
0:17:49 > 0:17:50No-one's here to judge.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01- One step at a time, OK?- OK.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04MUSIC: "Go West" by Pet Shop Boys
0:18:07 > 0:18:09THEY MURMUR
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- Hiya. Pint of bitter, please. - Yeah, sure.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21You're either being brave or ironic, wearing that.
0:18:21 > 0:18:22I cannae say which.
0:18:22 > 0:18:27Oh, yeah, I'm being very brave.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30If anybody from work saw me, I'd never hear the last of it.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32I'll bet. Where do you work?
0:18:32 > 0:18:33I'm a police officer.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Oh!- Cheers.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Well, I guess you're used to a uniform.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41Oh, I wouldn't say it was that similar. My wife picked it.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44And does your wife know you're here?
0:18:44 > 0:18:48No. And she wouldn't be very impressed if she did know.
0:18:48 > 0:18:49What if she does?
0:18:51 > 0:18:52She'll have to get over it.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Is it not a bit tricky hiding where you are?
0:18:56 > 0:18:57I don't do this all the time.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00And, anyway, marriage should be about compromise.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Seems like a big compromise.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04I mean, don't get me wrong, she wouldn't be thrilled.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11She doesn't look it.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13What a surprise(!)
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Are you OK?
0:19:23 > 0:19:24How's Doris?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Frightened. It'll take her a while to admit that.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31But you're not on your own.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Thanks.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36Look, why don't you make another appointment to come and see me?
0:19:36 > 0:19:40We can discuss the different options, like counselling.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42It might be good for both of you.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46I better get back to Doris.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Is there anything we can do?
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Just try and have a relaxed evening.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08I really hurt you, didn't I?
0:20:12 > 0:20:13I...um...
0:20:14 > 0:20:18I wanted to think that somehow it was...separate.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20How it could it be?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23I...
0:20:23 > 0:20:28still... I wanted to think that the only person
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I'd really damaged was me.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36I'm afraid we're stuck with those years.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42But please tell me it hasn't ruined all the ones that lie ahead?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I don't want it to.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Look, I know I'm asking for one more chance, but...
0:20:52 > 0:20:55..please, let me be there for you this time.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57It hasn't been easy.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06How about a night in a hotel and a spa day?
0:21:06 > 0:21:08I don't know...
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I know it's not exactly a long-term solution...
0:21:14 > 0:21:17..but I'd like to do something nice for you for once.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19As a start.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31You knew how much this evening meant to me.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I know. I just felt so out of place.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Maybe your husband is more comfortable here.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37What has it got to do with you?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I'm sorry, but it's clearly not easy for him, is it?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Just coming here is a big step. KAREN SCOFFS
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Come on, we'll get going.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45You need to tell her. It's not fair to either of you.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47What's not fair?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49I don't know. Just come over here, love.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51You couldn't give it one evening, could you?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53HE SIGHS
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I thought you said you liked to win?
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Depends on what the prize is.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Yes! Do I get to choose where we eat?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05We could try that new French place?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Ooh-la-la! Candlelight and fine wines?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09You fancy that?
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Tres bon, monsieur Al!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Jas...
0:22:14 > 0:22:15I can't stop thinking about you.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Al!
0:22:25 > 0:22:26You can't just pick it up in two minutes,
0:22:26 > 0:22:29you've got to give it a chance! You hardly did that!
0:22:29 > 0:22:30It's just not me, love.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Oh, right, yeah, you wanted to sit in a hot bath,
0:22:33 > 0:22:36and come to some dodgy pub.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37I just wanted a couple of beers.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Unless you're trying to tell me something, of course.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Yeah! I'm not interested in line dancing.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Is that a euphemism, or some kind of code?
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- Eh?- Oh, come off it, I'm not buying the whole off-duty cop act.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- He's right, Sarge, we're not going to get away with it.- You what?
0:22:52 > 0:22:56We've had a really good relationship with the coppers over the years,
0:22:56 > 0:22:59- and this? Well, it's just insulting. - Seriously, I just wanted a beer.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03Yeah, right, and the Village People thing's irony, is it?
0:23:03 > 0:23:04What's he on about?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Sarge, they're onto us! We better get out of here quick,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09before they report us to the Inspector.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- I've got a good mind to.- Quick!
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Oi! Oi, what do you think you're doing?
0:23:15 > 0:23:17You're obviously not here on official business,
0:23:17 > 0:23:20so I've got every right to ask you to leave.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Just because you've got the eyes of Daniel Craig
0:23:24 > 0:23:26doesn't mean you can come in here
0:23:26 > 0:23:29and start playing your weird little mind games in my pub.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32And just because I'm off duty does not mean I can't arrest you for assault!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Oh, please do!
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Arrest the gay pub owner, dressed as one of the Village People.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- You're just missing the handlebar moustache, sunshine. - The WHAT pub owner?
0:23:43 > 0:23:47- This is a... - Oh, please, like you don't know!
0:23:47 > 0:23:48I didn't!
0:23:48 > 0:23:52He did! He said it would be a laugh.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56He's a really bad influence on me, I'm so sorry!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59You need to steer clear of his type, love.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00You're right, I will do.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04I'm...I'm just so ashamed. Getting us to dress up and everything -
0:24:04 > 0:24:08- it's so disrespectful.- Stop it, woman, you're embarrassing yourself!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10- That'd be you!- Come on, we're off home.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Oh, don't let him make me! - Leave her alone.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- This is my wife! She's messing about.- Whatever. Back off.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Don't let him take me!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19- Come on.- Back off.- Ooh!
0:24:32 > 0:24:33What were you doing?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36You were flirting.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Flirting?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40I thought you were. You said you fancied dinner.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44Yeah, cos I was hungry.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Do you and Kevin go on candlelit dinners?
0:24:49 > 0:24:52What the hell are you talking about?
0:24:57 > 0:24:58You'd noticed that I'd changed my hair.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Everyone noticed! It's very noticeable!
0:25:02 > 0:25:03OK.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Look, Al...
0:25:09 > 0:25:12I'm sorry if you got the wrong idea...
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Yeah, so am I.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19..but I just don't see you like that.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22No, of course not. Why would you?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Look, I really like you as a mate.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28HE LAUGHS
0:25:28 > 0:25:29AS SEAN CONNERY: Shocking.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34I don't really know what else to say.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41It's OK, I've been here before.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47We remain polite, exchange a few little jokes
0:25:47 > 0:25:50about how embarrassing this all is,
0:25:50 > 0:25:54you'll tell all your girlfriends, and probably Kevin too...
0:25:56 > 0:25:57..then you'll move on.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00And me...
0:26:00 > 0:26:03well, I'll keep a respectable distance,
0:26:03 > 0:26:05because I don't want to be misinterpreted,
0:26:05 > 0:26:10and then eventually I'll get another job and move elsewhere.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12And when I'm gone,
0:26:12 > 0:26:18you will feel this overwhelming sense of relief,
0:26:18 > 0:26:23because the awkwardness is finally gone from your life.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- No! Al...- No, no, no, no, that's me.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29"The Awkwardness."
0:26:31 > 0:26:34As I said, I've been here before.
0:26:44 > 0:26:45Excuse me.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Which one of you did it?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Who could have murdered poor Marcus?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Oh, thank God! He was really getting on my nerves.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I was upstairs with Miss Rhodes.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Doing what? - Precious little in this dress.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11I am curious how you lost your eye, Captain?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Tubruk? Dunkirk? Monte Casino?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Paris. Madame Fifi's Knocking Shop.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Rogue champagne cork.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd