The Pool Boy

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0:00:29 > 0:00:32Angus?

0:00:32 > 0:00:34ANGUS?!

0:00:34 > 0:00:36Get down here this minute!

0:00:43 > 0:00:45What the hell were you doing in here?

0:00:45 > 0:00:48Oh, we came back from the pub...

0:00:48 > 0:00:50Got a pizza and... I'm sorry, OK?

0:01:01 > 0:01:03Ah! Good morning, Mr Biglow!

0:01:03 > 0:01:06Good morning, Mrs Tembe. Dr Clay.

0:01:06 > 0:01:09I'm sure you'll have noticed the lack of any fresh graffiti

0:01:09 > 0:01:11on the premises over the last couple of days...

0:01:11 > 0:01:13Well, that is good news.

0:01:13 > 0:01:15There's no need to inform Mr Bellamy, I've spoken to him.

0:01:15 > 0:01:18I was prepared to remain here overnight in a concealed location,

0:01:18 > 0:01:21but it seems my counter enforcement measures

0:01:21 > 0:01:24have made a citizen's arrest unnecessary.

0:01:24 > 0:01:25Great. We can all sleep easily...

0:01:25 > 0:01:28I had the CCTV camera moved, you see.

0:01:28 > 0:01:31That and my increased foot patrols would seem to have done the trick.

0:01:31 > 0:01:32I'd better be getting on...

0:01:32 > 0:01:35I've been doing a lot of research into the psychology

0:01:35 > 0:01:38of graffiti artists. Most studies suggest that the shorter the time

0:01:38 > 0:01:42the graffiti is present, the less likely it is to return.

0:01:42 > 0:01:46- So, mission accomplished!- Hmm-hmm!

0:01:50 > 0:01:53- I could try nail-polish remover? - It had better come off, Angus.

0:01:53 > 0:01:56It will, all right? Trust me.

0:01:56 > 0:01:58So, what time did you get in last night?

0:01:58 > 0:02:01I don't know. One. Maybe two?

0:02:01 > 0:02:03- You weren't answering your phone. - Yeah. My battery died.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05Funny how often that happens!

0:02:06 > 0:02:09- So, who were you with this time? - Do we have to do this again?

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Yes, we do.

0:02:11 > 0:02:14Until I'm convinced that you're not sleeping with anyone.

0:02:14 > 0:02:17I was with Justin and the boys, all right?

0:02:17 > 0:02:19I'm not seeing anyone else.

0:02:19 > 0:02:23So, how come I've developed a mysterious bladder infection

0:02:23 > 0:02:24since we last slept together?

0:02:24 > 0:02:26What? I don't know.

0:02:26 > 0:02:28KNOCK AT DOOR

0:02:28 > 0:02:30If you've given me something, Angus,

0:02:30 > 0:02:32I'll have your bits made into a pair of earrings!

0:02:32 > 0:02:33I haven't given you anything, OK?!

0:02:33 > 0:02:34KNOCK AT DOOR

0:02:34 > 0:02:36Rosario? The door?

0:02:39 > 0:02:41Why won't you believe me?

0:02:41 > 0:02:43Because I know what men are like.

0:02:44 > 0:02:48Look, I haven't been with anyone else since we got together. OK?

0:02:48 > 0:02:50I swear.

0:02:50 > 0:02:52I want to believe you

0:02:52 > 0:02:55So, why don't you? Hmm?

0:02:55 > 0:02:57Come on, where's my Sweet Cheeks?

0:02:57 > 0:03:00I hate it when we argue all the time.

0:03:00 > 0:03:01Then don't.

0:03:03 > 0:03:04HE GROANS

0:03:04 > 0:03:07See? You can't even bear me to touch you!

0:03:07 > 0:03:09I've got a hangover.

0:03:09 > 0:03:11Sorry. Am I interrupting?

0:03:11 > 0:03:13We've got a planning meeting at 9:15?

0:03:13 > 0:03:16Excuse me.

0:03:16 > 0:03:18Oh, dear. Trouble in paradise?

0:03:18 > 0:03:20ANGUS SIGHS

0:03:43 > 0:03:45Why did you have to let me get so hammered?

0:03:45 > 0:03:48All I wanted to do was to come back and smooth things over with Carly.

0:03:48 > 0:03:51- Now I'm in even more trouble! - You need to grow a pair, mate.

0:03:51 > 0:03:53Women don't want some mincer grovelling to them

0:03:53 > 0:03:54every five minutes.

0:03:54 > 0:03:57What happened after we left The Feathers?

0:03:57 > 0:03:59- You don't remember? - No, not a thing.

0:03:59 > 0:04:00Lightweight!

0:04:00 > 0:04:03We had a few in The Bracken. Then Terry had a lock-in.

0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Was I chatting up any girls?- No!

0:04:06 > 0:04:08You will back me up if Carly asks, won't you? It's important.

0:04:08 > 0:04:11The only thing you were flirting with was your ale.

0:04:11 > 0:04:12I'll swear an oath to that, if you like.

0:04:12 > 0:04:14Cheers, pal.

0:04:14 > 0:04:16Justin?

0:04:16 > 0:04:18I'm going to have to cancel our meeting.

0:04:18 > 0:04:20I've made an appointment at the doctors.

0:04:20 > 0:04:23Can you come back this afternoon, say, 4:30?

0:04:23 > 0:04:26You're the boss. I'll see you later.

0:04:28 > 0:04:30Would you mind taking me to the surgery, please?

0:04:30 > 0:04:32- Why?- Just do what I ask.

0:04:32 > 0:04:34All right, I'll get dressed.

0:04:58 > 0:04:59- Morning!- Hi.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02- I called earlier and made an appointment.- What's the name?

0:05:02 > 0:05:04It's Angus Sweet and Carly Forde.

0:05:04 > 0:05:06Eh? Why do I need to see the doctor?

0:05:06 > 0:05:08It's with Dr Carmichael.

0:05:08 > 0:05:10I made an appointment for us both.

0:05:10 > 0:05:12Yeah, why didn't you say?

0:05:12 > 0:05:14Because I knew if I did, you wouldn't come.

0:05:14 > 0:05:17- Can you believe this? - Maybe you should listen to your mum.

0:05:17 > 0:05:20Oh, he's my lover, not my son.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22Oh!

0:05:24 > 0:05:28Erm, Dr Carmichael! Your next patients are here.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30SHE MOUTHS

0:05:32 > 0:05:35If you'd like to come on through...

0:05:39 > 0:05:41So, how are things? You busy at work?

0:05:41 > 0:05:45It's not a social call, Heston. I need your professional opinion.

0:05:45 > 0:05:48Will Karen EVER get her memory back? Just say, yes or no?

0:05:48 > 0:05:50We've been here before.

0:05:50 > 0:05:53Yeah, but that was when she was still in hospital.

0:05:53 > 0:05:56You really should talk to her consultant.

0:05:58 > 0:06:01I've been asking them for months! Nobody will be straight with me!

0:06:01 > 0:06:02Which is why I'm here -

0:06:02 > 0:06:05to get an honest answer from someone I trust.

0:06:07 > 0:06:08Carly, what are we doing here?

0:06:08 > 0:06:10Yes, that was going to be my next question.

0:06:10 > 0:06:13I'd like you to test us both for STIs.

0:06:13 > 0:06:15- Starting with him.- What?!

0:06:15 > 0:06:20Since we last had sex together, I've developed pain when urinating.

0:06:20 > 0:06:24Angus won't discuss his condition, but there's obviously something wrong

0:06:24 > 0:06:27because every time I initiate sex, he runs a mile.

0:06:27 > 0:06:29She thinks I've been sleeping around, but I haven't!

0:06:29 > 0:06:32So why have you suddenly gone off sex?

0:06:32 > 0:06:35You're 22, for god's sake! Or is it me you've gone off?

0:06:35 > 0:06:38So why am I still living with you?

0:06:38 > 0:06:39For the extra benefits?

0:06:39 > 0:06:43Carly, that's not fair! I've never asked you for anything!

0:06:43 > 0:06:45Look, Mr Sweet, take a seat.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51Have you been experiencing any pain when urinating?

0:06:51 > 0:06:52Any discharge?

0:06:52 > 0:06:54Carly, I've not given you an infection.

0:06:54 > 0:06:57Then you won't mind taking the test.

0:06:57 > 0:06:59Look, I think you really need to discuss this

0:06:59 > 0:07:01between yourselves, in your own time.

0:07:01 > 0:07:03As far as I'm concerned, if you won't take the test

0:07:03 > 0:07:07when I'm in the room, then that is a clear admission of guilt.

0:07:07 > 0:07:10- OK, we need to stop now. - So, what does this test involve?

0:07:10 > 0:07:14A simple physical examination and a urine sample.

0:07:15 > 0:07:18No. I'm not being bullied like this.

0:07:18 > 0:07:20Angus, if you walk out that door, we're finished.

0:07:20 > 0:07:23I mean that.

0:07:23 > 0:07:24Angus!

0:07:28 > 0:07:30Are you OK?

0:07:30 > 0:07:31I want the test.

0:07:31 > 0:07:34He may not respect my body, but I do.

0:07:34 > 0:07:38- When will I get the results? - It can take several days.

0:07:38 > 0:07:39No, I need them today.

0:07:39 > 0:07:41You'll need to go to a private sexual health clinic

0:07:41 > 0:07:44- where they have a same-day service. - Fine. I'll do that.

0:07:44 > 0:07:47If you give me a urine sample, I can check for other infections.

0:07:47 > 0:07:49I can't pee on cue!

0:07:49 > 0:07:51You can always bring it back later.

0:07:51 > 0:07:52Fine!

0:07:52 > 0:07:55But if I'm right about Angus,

0:07:55 > 0:07:58I know EXACTLY what kind of infection he's given me!

0:08:02 > 0:08:05I wish I could be more definitive,

0:08:05 > 0:08:07but there are no guarantees in this field.

0:08:07 > 0:08:09I mean, she is getting some of her memories back.

0:08:09 > 0:08:10And that's promising.

0:08:10 > 0:08:13But none of them are about the kids or good ones about me!

0:08:13 > 0:08:17It's like she's editing us out on purpose!

0:08:17 > 0:08:18I'm sure she isn't.

0:08:18 > 0:08:23So how come her only memory of me is from the worst time in our marriage?

0:08:24 > 0:08:27You asked me for a straight answer.

0:08:27 > 0:08:31Karen may have had a rush of memories...

0:08:31 > 0:08:33but that might be it.

0:08:33 > 0:08:38She may never remember you or the kids.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40And you have to prepare yourself for that.

0:08:42 > 0:08:45Here you are. That should sort you out.

0:08:45 > 0:08:48If you want my advice, I wouldn't give her the time of day.

0:08:48 > 0:08:51Not after she frogmarched you to the doctors like that.

0:08:51 > 0:08:54- People said it wouldn't last this long.- Yeah, I was one of 'em.

0:08:55 > 0:08:58I just really like her, that's all.

0:08:58 > 0:08:59I should go and see her, shouldn't I?

0:08:59 > 0:09:01No way! She should be apologising, not you.

0:09:01 > 0:09:03She treats you like her lackey.

0:09:03 > 0:09:05Maybe you need to stand on your own two feet,

0:09:05 > 0:09:07without some rich bitch bankrolling you.

0:09:07 > 0:09:09She's not all that, you know?

0:09:11 > 0:09:13- Now where are you going?- Toilet.

0:09:16 > 0:09:19What are you having?

0:09:19 > 0:09:20PHONE RINGS

0:09:26 > 0:09:29Hello, my name's Carly Forde. I've got an appointment.

0:09:29 > 0:09:32- OK, if you'd just like to take a seat for me.- Thank you.

0:09:38 > 0:09:42Oh, hello. It's Carly Forde from CF Interior and Design.

0:09:42 > 0:09:46Yeah, I'd like to cancel one of our company credit cards.

0:09:46 > 0:09:50Yeah. The cardholder's name is Angus Sweet.

0:10:07 > 0:10:10Barry. Yeah. It's Dr Clay.

0:10:10 > 0:10:12Listen, I'm not sure how to tell you this,

0:10:12 > 0:10:15but there's been another one of those

0:10:15 > 0:10:17'defacements of private property'?

0:10:21 > 0:10:25- Do you mind if I join you? - Hmm? Sorry, I was miles away.

0:10:25 > 0:10:29- In the past or the future? - The present.

0:10:29 > 0:10:31As good a place as any.

0:10:31 > 0:10:32You've been buying things?

0:10:32 > 0:10:36- Re-stocking.- They look posh.

0:10:36 > 0:10:39Lemon and cardamom. Be my guest.

0:10:39 > 0:10:40No, thanks.

0:10:42 > 0:10:44- You used to love these.- Really?

0:10:44 > 0:10:47Don't mind if I do. I'm famished.

0:10:47 > 0:10:50- Did you see your stalker?- Sorry?

0:10:50 > 0:10:53The lad from earlier with the girlfriend old enough to be his mum.

0:10:53 > 0:10:55I don't see what the deal is when a mature woman

0:10:55 > 0:10:57chooses to have a younger boyfriend.

0:10:57 > 0:10:59No-one would bat an eyelid if it was the other way round.

0:10:59 > 0:11:03He wanted to see you. I told him surgery was closed.

0:11:03 > 0:11:05- When was this?- A few minutes ago.

0:11:05 > 0:11:07Maybe he's got a thing for you?

0:11:07 > 0:11:10Always possible.

0:11:12 > 0:11:14Why don't you try it?

0:11:20 > 0:11:23- Oh! Nice.- You see?

0:11:23 > 0:11:25How do you remember if you like something

0:11:25 > 0:11:28unless you give it a second chance?

0:11:28 > 0:11:29Just a thought.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33Why don't you just hit me over the head with a sledgehammer?

0:11:39 > 0:11:40Mr Sweet?

0:11:40 > 0:11:43My colleague said you wanted to see me?

0:11:43 > 0:11:44Um. Yeah.

0:11:46 > 0:11:48Well?

0:11:48 > 0:11:50Yeah, but, it's a bit awkward...

0:11:50 > 0:11:53There's really nothing to be embarrassed about. Trust me.

0:11:53 > 0:11:55- I've heard it all before. - I think I might have cancer.

0:11:59 > 0:12:02Oh, dear. This is for you.

0:12:02 > 0:12:04Is there anything I can do to help?

0:12:04 > 0:12:06Well, that depends, Mrs Tembe.

0:12:06 > 0:12:08Did you see anything suspicious between the hours

0:12:08 > 0:12:12- of 1:15 and 2:00?- No, I was in the surgery all morning.

0:12:12 > 0:12:14I brought in a packed lunch.

0:12:14 > 0:12:17At least you have your CCTV.

0:12:17 > 0:12:19This is a blind spot.

0:12:19 > 0:12:23I realise now he was just letting me get comfortable.

0:12:23 > 0:12:29This isn't just some random act of vandalism any more, Mrs Tembe.

0:12:29 > 0:12:32This is personal.

0:12:32 > 0:12:36What are you going to do?

0:12:36 > 0:12:38He's getting confident.

0:12:38 > 0:12:41That's when people make mistakes.

0:12:42 > 0:12:46I'm going to beat him at his own game.

0:12:52 > 0:12:54Sorry.

0:12:54 > 0:12:56In your own time.

0:12:56 > 0:13:00- It's when I have sex.- Right.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03- And? Is it painful?- Hmmm.

0:13:03 > 0:13:05Where?

0:13:05 > 0:13:07My foreskin.

0:13:07 > 0:13:11When I get an, er...

0:13:11 > 0:13:14- Erection?- Yeah.

0:13:14 > 0:13:16It's agony.

0:13:16 > 0:13:19I can't tell my mates about it. I'd never live it down.

0:13:19 > 0:13:21And I daren't tell Carly. She might think

0:13:21 > 0:13:23I can't keep up with her in the bedroom.

0:13:23 > 0:13:25She thinks I don't want to have sex with her

0:13:25 > 0:13:29because I've got an STI, but it's not that.

0:13:29 > 0:13:31You read about it all the time,

0:13:31 > 0:13:33people not getting themselves checked out.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35Let's just have a look, shall we, hmm?

0:13:45 > 0:13:48KNOCK AT DOOR

0:13:51 > 0:13:54- Oh. Um. Angus isn't here. - No. We've got a 4:30.

0:13:54 > 0:13:57Oh, God! I've done it again, haven't I?

0:13:57 > 0:14:00Come in. Excuse the mess.

0:14:00 > 0:14:03Sorry. Is this a bad time?

0:14:03 > 0:14:05- Angus told me you fell out.- No!

0:14:05 > 0:14:10The fact that Angus and I have split up has no bearing on business.

0:14:10 > 0:14:12I'm just dumping his stuff.

0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Do you want a coffee? - Yeah, cheers.

0:14:24 > 0:14:25Justin?

0:14:28 > 0:14:32- Do you take sugar? - Me? No. I'm sweet enough.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37So, did Angus tell you why we split up?

0:14:37 > 0:14:39He said he'd knocked it on the head.

0:14:39 > 0:14:42I told him. I said, "You're making the biggest mistake,"

0:14:42 > 0:14:44but he wouldn't listen.

0:14:44 > 0:14:46Well, I knew he was seeing other women.

0:14:46 > 0:14:49Did he ever ask you to cover for him?

0:14:49 > 0:14:52- I'm not proud of it.- Thank you.

0:14:52 > 0:14:53That's all I needed to know.

0:14:53 > 0:14:54PHONE RINGS

0:14:54 > 0:14:57Excuse me.

0:14:57 > 0:14:59Hello?

0:15:01 > 0:15:03You're absolutely sure it's negative?

0:15:05 > 0:15:06OK, thanks.

0:15:10 > 0:15:12I'm just going to get changed.

0:15:12 > 0:15:14Why don't you make yourself at home?

0:15:21 > 0:15:22You can get dressed now.

0:15:24 > 0:15:27So? Is it bad?

0:15:27 > 0:15:31It's not cancer. It's just a fungal infection underneath the skin.

0:15:31 > 0:15:32Nothing to worry about.

0:15:32 > 0:15:34- Really?- Yep.

0:15:34 > 0:15:38So, can I ask you - how often do you and your partner usually have sex?

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Um, every night...

0:15:44 > 0:15:45..and morning...

0:15:46 > 0:15:48..and sometimes in the afternoon.

0:15:49 > 0:15:52No wonder it was painful.

0:15:52 > 0:15:55OK, you need to abstain from sex for the time being,

0:15:55 > 0:15:57to give the skin the opportunity to heal properly.

0:15:57 > 0:16:00I'm going to prescribe an anti-fungal cream.

0:16:01 > 0:16:03- That's it?- Yep.

0:16:04 > 0:16:06And then I'll be able to have sex again?

0:16:06 > 0:16:07In two or three weeks.

0:16:09 > 0:16:11You need to apply the cream to the area when it's clean and dry,

0:16:11 > 0:16:13two or three times a day.

0:16:14 > 0:16:15Maybe Carly'll believe me now?

0:16:17 > 0:16:19How long have you two been together?

0:16:19 > 0:16:20A year.

0:16:20 > 0:16:22Carly's a property developer.

0:16:22 > 0:16:26She designs these amazing houses for footballers and celebs.

0:16:26 > 0:16:29I work for a company that builds swimming pools.

0:16:29 > 0:16:31We were putting a pool in one of the properties

0:16:31 > 0:16:33and we just clicked.

0:16:34 > 0:16:38I know people think it's weird because she's older and everything.

0:16:38 > 0:16:39That's their problem.

0:16:41 > 0:16:42I love her.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45I just get tongue-tied.

0:16:46 > 0:16:49I find it hard to tell her - then she gets suspicious.

0:16:49 > 0:16:52Well, actions speak louder than words.

0:16:52 > 0:16:55And I don't just mean a bunch of flowers.

0:16:55 > 0:16:59If she's into grand designs, maybe she'd appreciate a grand gesture.

0:17:07 > 0:17:08HE SNORES

0:17:10 > 0:17:12CAR HORN BLARES

0:17:26 > 0:17:29That's OK. I said to make yourself at home.

0:17:29 > 0:17:33You've got an amazing place, Carly. You've got great taste.

0:17:33 > 0:17:34Not in men.

0:17:36 > 0:17:40I was thinking about what you said earlier.

0:17:40 > 0:17:42I really appreciate your honesty.

0:17:42 > 0:17:46I'm so tired of men taking me for granted.

0:17:46 > 0:17:47Men like Angus.

0:17:49 > 0:17:51You're worth ten of him.

0:17:51 > 0:17:54He'll regret it - just you wait.

0:17:54 > 0:17:56It's karma.

0:17:57 > 0:17:59Can I ask a favour?

0:17:59 > 0:18:04Would you mind helping me drop that stuff off at the charity shop?

0:18:04 > 0:18:08- I just want to get rid of every last trace of him.- Of course.

0:18:08 > 0:18:11And maybe later we could go for dinner?

0:18:12 > 0:18:14Unless you've got any plans?

0:18:14 > 0:18:17No. I'd love to.

0:18:17 > 0:18:18Great.

0:18:20 > 0:18:23You take the weight off, I'll load up the car.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27The car keys are in the blue bowl.

0:18:28 > 0:18:32- Just stick everything on the back seat.- No problem.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39Oh, no.

0:18:41 > 0:18:43I thought you had the area cordoned off, Barry?

0:18:43 > 0:18:47- But how could they do this when you were hiding in the bushes?- Bushes?

0:18:47 > 0:18:48I don't need to remind you that this

0:18:48 > 0:18:50is a very serious matter, Doctor Clay.

0:18:50 > 0:18:53Maybe the graffiti wizard's got an invisibility cloak -

0:18:53 > 0:18:55unless you nodded off?

0:18:58 > 0:19:01- He nodded off!- Oh, dear. - Only for a couple of minutes!

0:19:02 > 0:19:06I've slept fitfully this week due to all this stress.

0:19:06 > 0:19:09- What are you doing? - It's important evidence.

0:19:18 > 0:19:19Why are we stopping?

0:19:19 > 0:19:22I was just thinking - the restaurant's five-star,

0:19:22 > 0:19:24you won't get in dressed like that.

0:19:24 > 0:19:25Oh.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27You're a similar build to Angus -

0:19:27 > 0:19:30why don't you put on one of his suits?

0:19:30 > 0:19:33- They're Italian - worth a fortune. - Don't mind if I do.

0:19:33 > 0:19:36There's even some designer undies still in the box -

0:19:36 > 0:19:39if you fancy going all the way.

0:19:39 > 0:19:41Oh, aye. You just want to see me get my kit off.

0:19:43 > 0:19:48I knew it! All right then - while the coast's clear.

0:19:50 > 0:19:53- You're not a shy boy, are you? - Nope.

0:19:53 > 0:19:56- Good, I like a cheeky boy. - Find me something to wear.

0:19:58 > 0:19:59All right, get them off.

0:20:04 > 0:20:05You got any shoes in there?

0:20:05 > 0:20:09- Size nine? - I'm a size eight, but that's fine.

0:20:14 > 0:20:18- Well? You want me to go all the way? - What do you think?

0:20:23 > 0:20:24Your turn.

0:20:24 > 0:20:28All right, but first things first - turn around and budge over

0:20:28 > 0:20:31so I can get out your side.

0:20:31 > 0:20:33And close your eyes, you rude boy!

0:20:38 > 0:20:39Very funny!

0:20:42 > 0:20:44Oi! What do you think you're doing?

0:20:44 > 0:20:47Thought you'd pawn these, did you, Justin?

0:20:47 > 0:20:48I saw you nick them.

0:20:50 > 0:20:53Your wallet and your phone will be at the office.

0:20:53 > 0:20:55Oh, and by the way, you're fired.

0:20:55 > 0:20:57- What?!- It's called karma.

0:20:57 > 0:21:01- You can't leave me like this in the middle of nowhere!- You're right.

0:21:04 > 0:21:08The A38's about five miles down that way. Enjoy the fresh air!

0:21:12 > 0:21:14Wah-hey - that's a slow one!

0:21:22 > 0:21:23Yes. Thank you.

0:21:23 > 0:21:26KNOCK ON DOOR Come in!

0:21:26 > 0:21:29Bye-bye.

0:21:29 > 0:21:32- Hi.- Hello again.

0:21:32 > 0:21:34I've brought that sample.

0:21:34 > 0:21:38I went to a private clinic like you suggested.

0:21:38 > 0:21:41I tested negative for STIs.

0:21:43 > 0:21:46I'm sorry I was such a cow earlier.

0:21:46 > 0:21:51It's OK. Let's just see what's been causing that pain, shall we?

0:21:53 > 0:21:55What measures have you taken, Barry?

0:21:55 > 0:21:58Measures? It's wall scrawl. Nobody has died!

0:21:58 > 0:22:00I've removed the offending image

0:22:00 > 0:22:03and instigated a 24-hour surveillance operation.

0:22:03 > 0:22:06I'll have a member of staff here permanently around the clock.

0:22:06 > 0:22:10We'll get the little toerag, mark my words.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12Good man, good man. Keep me informed.

0:22:12 > 0:22:15Out.

0:22:15 > 0:22:19All right, Kieran, I'll relieve you at 2100 hours. Stay sharp.

0:22:20 > 0:22:23Do you not think you're getting this a little bit out of proportion?

0:22:23 > 0:22:25- What do you suggest? - Leave it up. It looks great.

0:22:25 > 0:22:28If it was up to people like you, we'd have a completely lawless society.

0:22:32 > 0:22:36- So? What do you think it is? - Cystitis.

0:22:36 > 0:22:38I'll still send the sample off, though,

0:22:38 > 0:22:40so we can see how serious it is.

0:22:40 > 0:22:42I've never had urinary problems before.

0:22:42 > 0:22:45There are certain conditions which are statistically more likely

0:22:45 > 0:22:47to affect women later in life.

0:22:47 > 0:22:49Oh, I get it. The big 'M'?

0:22:49 > 0:22:52Well, I hope it doesn't affect my sex life!

0:22:52 > 0:22:54It doesn't have to, although we do all have to make some

0:22:54 > 0:22:56concessions to our age.

0:22:56 > 0:23:00Concessions I can handle, just don't expect me to start dating

0:23:00 > 0:23:05some old fart who wants to wear pyjamas and drink cocoa in bed.

0:23:05 > 0:23:06I only do younger.

0:23:06 > 0:23:09Believe me, you're preaching to the converted.

0:23:09 > 0:23:11I like them fit and firm!

0:23:13 > 0:23:16Angus isn't like the others, they're just out for what

0:23:16 > 0:23:18they can get - like Justin.

0:23:18 > 0:23:20Shame I didn't realise that sooner.

0:23:20 > 0:23:22No fool like an old fool.

0:23:23 > 0:23:25It's never too late.

0:23:25 > 0:23:27DOOR OPENS

0:23:33 > 0:23:35Is there somewhere we can talk in private?

0:23:54 > 0:23:57- I got your text. Angus, I'm so sorry.- It's fine.

0:23:57 > 0:24:00I should never have accused you of all those awful things.

0:24:00 > 0:24:02Can you ever forgive me?

0:24:05 > 0:24:09Wow. They say a good kiss can scramble anyone's brains.

0:24:13 > 0:24:16It's your favourite Champagne.

0:24:16 > 0:24:18I cut up the credit card you gave me.

0:24:18 > 0:24:20From now on, I'm paying my own way.

0:24:21 > 0:24:23Starting with this.

0:24:24 > 0:24:26Sorry, mate, can you give us a minute?

0:24:26 > 0:24:27Of course.

0:24:33 > 0:24:35You know I'm not good with words,

0:24:35 > 0:24:41but I reckon actions speak louder, so here goes...

0:24:49 > 0:24:53I know it's cheap, but it's all I can afford right now.

0:24:53 > 0:24:58But I want you to know that I love you

0:24:58 > 0:25:02and I'll do everything I can to make you happy.

0:25:02 > 0:25:04Will you marry me?

0:25:04 > 0:25:06Yes!

0:25:06 > 0:25:09APPLAUSE

0:25:10 > 0:25:12I had this whole speech prepared...

0:25:14 > 0:25:19..about how I've never loved anyone like I loved you...

0:25:23 > 0:25:24..but they're all just words.

0:25:28 > 0:25:32I'm really sorry if I let you down, Karen,

0:25:32 > 0:25:35and I've tried everything I could to be your husband.

0:25:37 > 0:25:40I've taken knock after knock.

0:25:42 > 0:25:43I can't take it any more.

0:25:47 > 0:25:50So I've decided to take the job in Leamington Spa.

0:25:55 > 0:25:56When do you start?

0:25:56 > 0:25:57Next week.

0:26:05 > 0:26:06Well?

0:26:08 > 0:26:12Well, I think that you're probably right that it's...

0:26:14 > 0:26:15..best for the both of us.

0:26:23 > 0:26:24OK.

0:26:32 > 0:26:34DOOR OPENS

0:27:03 > 0:27:06Same at school, only it was tripping over tackles then.

0:27:06 > 0:27:08Same sense of humour, hey, Gene?

0:27:08 > 0:27:11Are you sure you're all right?

0:27:11 > 0:27:13Yeah! He's not going to Siberia!

0:27:13 > 0:27:16- Can I help?- I want to see Kevin.

0:27:16 > 0:27:18- And you are?- Gene. His mate.

0:27:18 > 0:27:21There's a reason people say it takes time.

0:27:21 > 0:27:24Come on then! Come on then!