0:00:25 > 0:00:27APPLAUSE
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Thank you! Thank you very much.
0:00:33 > 0:00:38I'd like to thank someone who has greatly influenced my life and work.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Unfortunately, she can't be with us tonight.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Her name is Emily Bronte!
0:00:44 > 0:00:45APPLAUSE
0:00:45 > 0:00:48When I sat down to write Love In The Dales,
0:00:48 > 0:00:51I felt Emily was there beside me...
0:00:51 > 0:00:54influencing my story, and guiding my words.
0:00:55 > 0:01:01There is someone else who I owe a tremendous amount of gratitude.
0:01:01 > 0:01:07My novel's romantic hero - the dashing and suave Oliver Pomeroy -
0:01:07 > 0:01:13was inspired by somebody very real, and very close to my heart.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16My rock, my lover...
0:01:16 > 0:01:21my doctor - the magnificent Daniel Granger!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24MUSIC: "Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush
0:01:24 > 0:01:26D-Does that mean I've over-run?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33MUSIC CONTINUES ON PHONE
0:01:37 > 0:01:40SHE SIGHS MUSIC STOPS
0:01:53 > 0:01:55It wasn't that big yesterday, was it?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58It must've grown overnight! Hideous!
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Maybe a profile shot would be acceptable.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06No. That's not de rigueur.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11I'll have to be airbrushed and decline all public appearances.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Unless...
0:02:15 > 0:02:19- ZARA:- She's been through the mill, poor girl.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22- Have they been discharged? - Mm-hm. I'm going to drop by later.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- A home visit? Why? - To check that they're OK, of course.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27The midwife'll do that.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30The midwife didn't teach her how to breastfeed. I did.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Who'd have thought that someone like me could persuade someone like her?
0:02:34 > 0:02:35I must have the common touch.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Wow! Could you sound ANY more condescending?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I'd like to see you give breastfeeding lessons.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42- That's not in my job description. - Mine, neither.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44But unlike you, I'm prepared to go beyond the call of duty.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Hm. Especially for those who make you feel superior.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52"Dear Miss Treadwell,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54"Thank you for sending us your manuscript.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56"I enjoyed some aspects of your writing
0:02:56 > 0:02:58"but felt that the story was too old-fashioned,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01"and that it teeters on the edge of cliche."
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Imbecile!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I bet you didn't have this trouble, did you?
0:03:11 > 0:03:14In your day, publishers recognised quality.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Now, all they want is 50 Shades Of... bleugh!
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Hello!
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Morning.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I didn't get much shut-eye last night, because of you!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Battlestar Gallactica.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Top tip! I devoured the box set.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Yeah?
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Yeah! Sex, spaceships and theology - Ticks all the boxes.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Where'd you get up to? - Episode three.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Season one?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49- Of season two.- Hmm.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- Fragged?- That's the one.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Very impressive. But, you know, there's no need to rush it.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57It's a marathon, not a sprint.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03If it's any consolation, the literati despised my book...
0:04:03 > 0:04:05until I shuffled off this mortal coil.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09And then, a huge bestseller and perennial classic.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11SHE SIGHS
0:04:11 > 0:04:13What good is that when you don't have a pulse?
0:04:13 > 0:04:17You achieved what all novelists crave - immortality.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Given the choice, I'd exchange all of those posthumous book sales
0:04:21 > 0:04:22for a dirty weekend in Blackpool.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25I just want a bit of recognition.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Is that too much to ask?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Then embrace the new technology!
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Stop waiting for your fairy publisher to arrive.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33No, I want to be a proper author.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Not some online wannabe.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Besides, nobody bothered reading my free extracts on my website.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43Only got 57 hits, and most of them were my mother.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47Just like our Charlotte, you are - desperate for fame and adulation.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49< SCREAMING
0:04:50 > 0:04:52I'm done for. SHE GASPS
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Blood...in my urine!
0:04:57 > 0:04:58I told you I wasn't well.
0:04:58 > 0:05:03And now, my morbid fears are vindicated.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I'll be dead by 30. Just like you!
0:05:07 > 0:05:11I best get on to a solicitor - tie up all the loose ends.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Who will inherit my literary estate?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Love On The Dales could be a cash cow -
0:05:16 > 0:05:20the film rights, TV adaptations...
0:05:20 > 0:05:23At least Mother will be well looked after in her dotage.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27I mean, I can't leave it to you - you're already dead.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Beetroot.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Eh?
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Last night's supper was beetroot salad. Hence the pink pee.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Oh, really?
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Oh, yes, of course.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40What would I do without you to reassure me?
0:05:40 > 0:05:41I think I'd go mad.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Good morning.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50How is Team Jackman?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Jade didn't say you were coming.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55It's just a courtesy call. How are they? Are they OK?
0:05:55 > 0:05:59See for yourself. First, I've got a bone to pick.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Well, come in, then!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08SHE SINGS ALONG TO TRACK: # You had a temper, like my jealousy
0:06:08 > 0:06:12# Too hot, too greedy
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- BOTH:- # How could you leave me
0:06:14 > 0:06:17# When I needed to possess you?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19# I hated you
0:06:19 > 0:06:21# I loved you too... #
0:06:21 > 0:06:23PHONE PLAYS SAME SONG
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Mother, no doubt.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Hello?
0:06:28 > 0:06:33Good morning. Is that Sophie Treadwell, the author?
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Yes. Speaking.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Charles. Charles Fitzgerald. Your prose landed on my desk.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42My prose? You mean Love In The Dales?
0:06:42 > 0:06:46Indeed. Such a wonderful yarn.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48I couldn't put it down.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52Oh, yes! I mean, er, the response has been fantastic.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Overwhelming, in fact.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57The response? So, you've found a publisher already?
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Er, no, not per se. I mean, nothing's set in stone.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03But I have been courting several offers
0:07:03 > 0:07:05from the big publishing houses.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08I see. So, I'm too late to the party?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Well, no. Er, no.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Feel free to join the bidding war.
0:07:13 > 0:07:17OK, yes. I'd like to throw my hat in the ring.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Great! Good.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Is it a big hat?
0:07:21 > 0:07:25Yes. Very big, a generous fit!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28But, er, why don't we discuss it over lunch?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I can be in Letherbridge this afternoon.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- This afternoon?- Too short notice?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Let me just check my diary.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37SHE BREATHES DEEPLY
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I have a window at one.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Perfect. Shall we say Villa Luigi on the high street?
0:07:44 > 0:07:46See you there.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47I look forward to it.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Bye! SHE SQUEALS
0:07:50 > 0:07:51My fairy publisher!
0:07:52 > 0:07:55'He sounded gorgeous.
0:07:56 > 0:08:01'Suitably suave and sexy, yet also very polite.'
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Everything you want in a publisher.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09What about the inside cover?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12This could scupper the whole deal!
0:08:15 > 0:08:20She's gone all Gwyneth Paltrow, thanks to you - filling her head with all that breastfeeding rubbish.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Middle-class propaganda! It's not natural.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25Jade turned out all right on t'bottle. Why's it off limits now?!
0:08:25 > 0:08:26It's not off limits.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29But breastfeeding protects the baby against infection and...
0:08:29 > 0:08:31What about all this?
0:08:31 > 0:08:32I've got shed-loads of the stuff.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Bought a job lot off a bloke last week. He doesn't do refunds.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41It makes a horrible milkshake, even if you add a bit of Haagen-Dazs.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43I hope you're joking.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46I suppose she'll want it sooner or later.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Mum, I'm leaking! > - See what I mean!?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:59 > 0:09:01MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Yeah, it's perfectly benign.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Nothing's changed since your last visit...
0:09:07 > 0:09:08or the one before that.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10You could have it removed.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12But because it's only a cosmetic concern,
0:09:12 > 0:09:16you'd have that done privately, as I think I also explained last time.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18A lot has changed since then, Dr Granger.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Not least my financial situation.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23I'm on the verge of a lucrative book deal.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Ah, yes, you're a writer.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25A novelist.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29So I could always, er, see you privately.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Possibly. I don't think it's a good idea
0:09:31 > 0:09:33that I see you as a private patient.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36I won't tell if you won't!
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Hm. Isn't he a touch too smooth?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41He doesn't have Heathcliff's rugged charisma.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43You should've seen him when he had a beard.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- Sorry?- Oh, nothing.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48It sounded like you were talking to someone else.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51No, no. Just my muse.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Perfectly normal for a writer.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Look who dropped in.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59MUSIC: "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus
0:09:59 > 0:10:03How is...Shontavia? Is she feeding well?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06She's a greedy guts. I feel like a Jersey cow.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Pass us the remote, Mum.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- Get us a refill - I'm gasping. - MUSIC STOPS
0:10:14 > 0:10:19- What did your last one die of? - If it's easier, I'll get a hydraulic lift and I'll do it myself!
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Don't suppose you've got any nipple cream?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Sorry, no.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Did she offer you a cuppa?
0:10:27 > 0:10:29No, but I'm fine.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Ta.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Don't fancy popping to t'chemist?
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Nipple cream and breast pads while you're at it.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Why didn't you say when I was on t'fag run?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Just grab a tenner out my purse. And put the kettle on before you go out!
0:10:46 > 0:10:47Love ya!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52So...fleeing this disastrous love affair,
0:10:52 > 0:10:56he takes the first available job - this tiny, parochial practice,
0:10:56 > 0:10:57on the outskirts of Ilkley Moor.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00There he meets Florence Cattermoul - a farmer's daughter,
0:11:00 > 0:11:04who is brimming with joie de vivre yet horribly constrained by her
0:11:04 > 0:11:09rustic horizons, and suffering with this rare, terminal disease.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12But I won't... I won't ruin it for you.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13No. Please don't.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I'm going to have to look out for that in my local book store.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18You won't have to, because...
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I want you to have one of the original manuscripts.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Er, I couldn't possibly take that.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26Well, you have to. It's dedicated to you.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28I thought it was dedicated to me!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Why would you do that?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Because...you inspired the novel.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Dr Oliver Pomeroy - it's based on you!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Even if we were stranded on a desert island,
0:11:44 > 0:11:47thousands of miles away from the nearest Lidl,
0:11:47 > 0:11:51it still wouldn't matter because my body gives all the nourishment she needs.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Nature's pretty clever that way.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55She looks very contented.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Didn't you get any milk while you were out?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05We've only got a splash left.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Yeah? Well, if you want another cuppa,
0:12:06 > 0:12:09you'll have to top it up with them! I'm not your flippin' slave.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12No, but you're her grandma.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14You should be pleased I'm giving her the best start,
0:12:14 > 0:12:18not fobbing her off with some poxy formula from your booty-call bloke.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19He's not my booty call!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21If he was he'd give me a refund, wouldn't he?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Maybe he doesn't rate you. Right, I'm going to put her down.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30She's doing brilliantly.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32You must be relieved.
0:12:32 > 0:12:33Eh?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35To have her back home in one piece,
0:12:35 > 0:12:38with a beautiful and healthy granddaughter.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Yeah. I love being a nana, me(!)
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Don't tell Lady Muck, but...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I do love it.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Mum! She's just yakked all over me!
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Will you get this in the wash? It's the only one that fits me proper.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04You don't have to marry him!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06So sorry I'm late.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Charles?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13My train was held at Leeds for half an hour.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15A defective buffet carriage.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Still, it gave me a chance to reread your work.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20What can I say?
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Gripping, poignant, evocative - an instant classic!
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Drivel!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31To your unique talent!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34And the beginning of a very special relationship.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Psst!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Who is this blaggard? He hasn't even mentioned a publishing house,
0:13:40 > 0:13:42let alone a whopping advance.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I suggest you enquire, post-haste!
0:13:46 > 0:13:50Who...are you exactly?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Sorry?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Which publishing house do you represent?
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Which publisher?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Oh, I deal with a lot of the big hitters,
0:13:58 > 0:14:01big players...household names.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Which names?
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Big ones.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10We don't have to decide which one - not just yet.
0:14:12 > 0:14:17So, er...when were your first stirrings?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19In a literary sense.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29SHE SIGHS
0:14:48 > 0:14:51So I said to him, "It's a gift, an absolute gift.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55"Use your misery and turn it into art."
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Next stop - the Booker Prize!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Of course, an unhappy childhood is a prerequisite for a writer.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I trust your early years were lonely and wretched?
0:15:06 > 0:15:08No, I had a perfectly happy childhood.
0:15:08 > 0:15:09You can't have it all!
0:15:11 > 0:15:16I see from your blog that you attended the University of Bradford.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19That's right. Closest I could get to Bronte country.
0:15:20 > 0:15:25I believe we shared a module in Victorian Literature.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28You were there too?
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Yes.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31I don't suppose you remember me.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I can't say I do.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37But come to think of it, your name does sound familiar.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39My name?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41This is my lot in life -
0:15:41 > 0:15:44pretty girls seldom notice chaps like me.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Pretty? Hardly. With this...thing.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Nonsense!
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Most men I meet only see the mole. They don't see the person behind it.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56I remember admiring you from afar during those long,
0:15:56 > 0:16:01dreary lectures about Trollope and Eliot and Bronte.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05- SHE SCOFFS - The barefaced cheek!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08He was probably talking about one of your sisters.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Beg pardon?
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Time to cash in your chips.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Tell him to order you a minicab.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- You're doing it again.- Doing what?
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Talking in the modern vernacular. I've told you about it.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28If he's not a real publisher, then how come he's read my manuscript?
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Isn't it obvious?
0:16:29 > 0:16:34He's only read the first three chapters - the ones on your website.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Hm. Maybe I should quiz him on chapter four.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40He hasn't got the slightest interest in your prose.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Then, why's he here? What's he after?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Sex?!
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Is this what this is about?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- KNOCK AT DOOR - Enter.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Hey!
0:16:55 > 0:16:57How goes it?
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Yeah. All is good.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03The lunching hour will soon be upon us!
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Any plans?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09No, I'm just going to stay here and power through with my research.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Come on! You deserve a break.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13No, I'm on my break.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I'm just comparing prices and functionality of the latest webcams.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18Fair enough.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I'm popping to the deli anyhow.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Can I pick you up a few comestibles?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Eh?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Lunch - I could get you some.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Nah, no. I'll probably pop out later.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32OK.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45How's your lasagne?
0:17:48 > 0:17:51Why don't you stop pussyfooting about and tell me what you really want?
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Excuse me?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54You couldn't care less about my prose. Admit it!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56Of course I care.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Though I admit I have been somewhat dishonest.
0:18:01 > 0:18:05I used your novel as an excuse to get in touch.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Since our uni days, I always hoped our paths would cross,
0:18:08 > 0:18:11and then I stumbled upon your website.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13So, you're not a real publisher.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- No. Not per se.- All the nice things you were saying about my novel,
0:18:17 > 0:18:19and you were lying through your teeth.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22Not entirely. But I've only read the first three chapters.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26And what did you think about those? I want your brutally honest opinion.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Well, in all honesty...
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I think your writing shows great potential.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34However...
0:18:34 > 0:18:37I don't think this particular story is suited to your talents.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41It feels very...derivative.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Let's face it - you're not Emily Bronte.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Indeed!
0:18:44 > 0:18:46I mean to say, you could be so much better.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Impudent boor!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Why pay homage to outmoded literary tropes,
0:18:50 > 0:18:52when there's so much to say about now?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Yes, but everything in her day was so much more vital and romantic.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59- What are you staring at? - Oh, nothing.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00You were staring at my mole.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02No. No, I wasn't.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05You are just like all the others. A complete oaf!
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Can't a girl have a tiny blemish?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09I might as well be the creature from the Black Lagoon.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10It's not that. I like your mole.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I love your mole. It's just...
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Just what?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17It appears to be...weeping.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Weeping?!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Ugh! It IS cancerous. A melanoma!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34The bill, please.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36You needn't spare the grim diagnosis.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41I have burned brightly and now my life is a fragile flame.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43If, in the midst of your grief,
0:19:43 > 0:19:47you should hear a tapping on the window, fear not.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51It will just be I, beckoning from beyond the grave.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54What did you have for lunch?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Erm...lasagne.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Yeah. Thought it was Bolognese sauce.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01I don't think we'll be needing to do a biopsy.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Well, there's no need to look so smug!
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Sorry?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06Oh, I was just...
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Talking to your muse?
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Yes. Exactly!
0:20:09 > 0:20:12I can tell you're simpatico with the creative spirit.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Sophie, let me give you one of these leaflets,
0:20:15 > 0:20:19just in case you feel like you want to talk to someone.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Someone real, that is.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Counselling?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Yeah. That voice you hear...
0:20:24 > 0:20:26You mean Emily?
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Yes, Emily. Does she ever tell you to do bad things?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Feeble-minded chump! Now he wants to get you on the couch.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- Pfft! If only!- Hm?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Oh, no. It's not like that.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Emily's just a friend.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41An imaginary friend.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Have you never had one?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Er, yes. I think I did as a kid.
0:20:46 > 0:20:49- I can't remember his name, though. - Just as sane as you are!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Of course. Look...
0:20:51 > 0:20:55really good luck with the novel. When's it being published?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57It's actually not any more.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03My publisher turned out to be... Well, nothing of the sort.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05You might as well throw the manuscript away.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It's not worth the paper it's written on.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Oh. I...
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I can see you already have, so...
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Er...
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Ta-da!
0:21:17 > 0:21:18I couldn't resist.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24Dandelion and burdock.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Cheesy tortilla chips.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Rocky road.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38And pastrami and Emmenthal on rye, with chilli sauce.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41What voodoo is this?
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Did I do well?
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Yes! This is like my desert-island packed lunch. How did you know?
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I've been paying attention.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Wow! How much do I owe you?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Nothing. It's on me.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57You could treat me some time, if you like.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58For sure.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Quid pro quo, Dr Donoghue.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07The silver lining is that now I have to get a real job,
0:22:07 > 0:22:09I can afford that beauty treatment.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12For what it's worth, I think the mole suits you.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13- Do you really mean that?- Yes.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- Yeah.- Get a room!
0:22:19 > 0:22:20Not really, er, appropriate.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Bernard - that was his name.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- Hm?- My imaginary friend.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Are you still in touch?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33No. We lost touch years ago. Probably for the best.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35- Yes.- Take care.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Sophie! Are you all right? I didn't mean to alarm you.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42I don't think we have anything left to say to one another.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50I thought it was takeaway only, but there's a few tables out the back.
0:22:50 > 0:22:54This sweet little patio garden - it's a real sun-trap.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58So you can always eat in... or out, I should say.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01We should do that some time, yeah?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Look - omni-directional sound, echo-cancelling audio but...
0:23:07 > 0:23:10it's only 15 frames a second. Juddery!
0:23:10 > 0:23:11No, thank you.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- CHARLES:- 'Please, Sophie, there's something I must explain.'
0:23:25 > 0:23:29No, I will not entertain your lustful advances.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31You are no more welcome than a poisonous carbuncle,
0:23:31 > 0:23:33feasting on my virgin flesh.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35- Are you a virgin?- Yes.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36No!
0:23:36 > 0:23:37I will not be your pet project.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39If I can't be published properly, then...
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I shouldn't be published, at all.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Very well.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46Besides, don't you have anything better to do?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48No, not really.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50My father died a few years ago.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I inherited his vast Yorkshire estate,
0:23:52 > 0:23:57and enough money to indulge my...pet projects.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I see.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09No, no! He's nothing like Heathcliff.
0:24:09 > 0:24:14He's more like Edgar Linton - rich, pompous, dull as ditchwater.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- You'll never be happy with him.- Hm.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23SHE SIGHS
0:24:24 > 0:24:26I'm not that unappealing, am I?
0:24:28 > 0:24:29Crack, why don't you?
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- You all right, mate?- Yeah!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Not a bother. Just checking my mascara.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Actually, if you really want to know, er...
0:24:41 > 0:24:42I feel pretty crappy.
0:24:46 > 0:24:51When I said that your writing shows great potential, I really meant it.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55But...you should stop pretending to be Emily Bronte.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58You need to find your own voice.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Good luck.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15I fear that he is right.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19It's time for us to go our separate ways.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22No. What will become of me?
0:25:22 > 0:25:24What will become of you?
0:25:24 > 0:25:25I'll find another lonely bedsit.
0:25:28 > 0:25:29And another lonely writer?
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Charles...wait!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47That vast Yorkshire estate -
0:25:47 > 0:25:52how vast is it, exactly?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03And you've told him how you feel?
0:26:03 > 0:26:06I've dropped hints - you know, about as subtle as a sledgehammer.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09I shouldn't have to spell it out, should I?
0:26:09 > 0:26:14Well, you know, it depends. I mean, is he the bashful type?
0:26:14 > 0:26:16No. He's really smart.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19He can't be oblivious to my...
0:26:19 > 0:26:22romantic overtures.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24I think he's embarrassed by them.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Who is he?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29I mean, er, is it anyone I know?
0:26:29 > 0:26:32No. No! He's in Ireland.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34We've been in touch online.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I thought there might be something between us.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39But I was wrong.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Listen, you keep your chin up!
0:26:45 > 0:26:48And I bet your dream guy is just round the corner.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50- And a lot closer than Ireland!- Yeah.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00SHE SNIFFLES
0:27:07 > 0:27:09What's that?
0:27:09 > 0:27:11That is a tin.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12How did you get in here?
0:27:12 > 0:27:15Someone left the door off the latch. Very sloppy.
0:27:15 > 0:27:16What's in the tin?
0:27:18 > 0:27:21The mystery is about to be revealed.
0:27:21 > 0:27:22Open it.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Are you ready to take the first steps?
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Bring it on.