0:00:26 > 0:00:28Nan! Breakfast's ready!
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Just a minute...
0:00:29 > 0:00:31I'm putting my face on!
0:00:32 > 0:00:36SINGS ALONG TO RADIO: # We've got nothing to be guilty of
0:00:36 > 0:00:39# Our love...one in a million...'
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# Near or far... #
0:00:45 > 0:00:49- Morning!- Morning, sweetheart.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Oh, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54It's the most important meal of the day!
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- Come on, park your bum. - Oh, you are good to me.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03How are you feeling, Nan? You look tired.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Oh, look who's talking, you dirty stop out!
0:01:06 > 0:01:09And what time did you get in last night?
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- Can't remember.- Oh, no!
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Good night, was it?
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- Are you OK?- Don't fuss, Ben.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I'm as fit as a butcher's dog!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Just promise me you won't overdo it, yeah?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- Eat your egg.- I'm sorry, pet,
0:01:27 > 0:01:29but I'm not all that hungry.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- I'll just have a couple of soldiers. - Shall I phone Charlie?
0:01:33 > 0:01:35No, I don't want the nurse.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38It's just my arthritis.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Where are you going now?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Well, I don't want to be late for work!
0:01:46 > 0:01:50Come on, people - dig deep!
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Spare a few coppers for people with disabilities.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Thank you. I'm much obliged.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Oh! I'll do my happy dance for you.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02COINS RATTLE IN BUCKET
0:02:04 > 0:02:07SHE GROANS
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Oh!
0:02:10 > 0:02:14Elsie, are you all right? Come on.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15That's it.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Ooh, I'm fine, Chief Inspector.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21It's these shoes!
0:02:21 > 0:02:26- Is it, yeah? And it's still just Sergeant, I'm afraid.- Is it?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Well, they should've promoted you.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33- Oh, but I might have to sit down for a bit.- Come on, then.
0:02:34 > 0:02:38Would you mind my toadstool for me?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Oh, just for a minute.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Elsie, this is Constable Harper. It's her first day on the job.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- Oh, it's nice to meet you.- Hello.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51I would say that Elsie's probably Letherbridge's biggest charity fundraiser.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53She's famous.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57I just do my bit for the kiddies. Speaking of which...
0:02:57 > 0:02:59no rest for the wicked!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01SHE GROANS
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Why don't you take it easy, eh?
0:03:04 > 0:03:05It's arthritis,
0:03:05 > 0:03:09but my new hip's in the post!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I think we are going to give you a lift home.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Oh, I don't want to be a bother, Superintendent.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17You just phone my grandson.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19He'll come and pick me up.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21SHE GROANS
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Morning. I've got an appointment with Nurse Marquez.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28I'm Celeste Baptiste.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Right, eh...
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- If you would just like to take a seat.- Sorry, have we met before?
0:03:34 > 0:03:39Your face looks familiar. At the spiritualist church maybe?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41No, we have not.
0:03:41 > 0:03:42I work as an intuitive.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47In case you're ever in need of advice...
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Yes, well, I do not need any advice of this kind, but thank you.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Oh, Dr Carter! Are you free for lunch?
0:04:01 > 0:04:04A friend of mine has just started working at the church cafe,
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I just want to show my support.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Uh...yes, of course, yeah.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Um...Miss Baptiste?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Ah, follow me.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Smells like a greasy spoon in here.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Have you got a paracetamol?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Hangover?- No!- Oh, you're sweating.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Ah...my heart's racing.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Karen, how many coffees have you had this morning?- Three.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Well, no wonder!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51No more caffeine.
0:04:51 > 0:04:55Right. Better get back to it.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56What?
0:04:56 > 0:05:00So much for the reputation of the surgery, with you two at large!
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Ketchup-face and Caffeine-junkie...
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Thanks, darling.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Oh, Nan!
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Only you could have the whole constabulary waiting on you.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- They offered!- You must be Ben.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Sergeant Hollins, Constable Harper.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Best get your nan home, I think.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- She's a bit wobbly. - I was doing my happy dance.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28I told you to take it easy! Right, we're going to the doctor's.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31- Over my dead body!- It might come to that, the way you're going.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I am not going to the doctor's!
0:05:34 > 0:05:37This ladybird is not for turning!
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Oh, for goodness' sake, Nan! You can't go on like this.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Elsie, your grandson has got a really good point.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Why don't you get yourself checked out?
0:05:44 > 0:05:48The Campus Surgery's just up the road. They've got a drop in clinic.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51You'll be in and out of there in 15 minutes.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Please, Nan.- Oh, all right.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58What a flamin' waste of time.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- Right, where are you parked? We'll give you a hand.- Oh.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Um...I'm on double yellow. Well, you did say it was urgent...
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Come on, Elsie.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Your illegally-parked chariot awaits.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Pssst! Is she single?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15It's just Ben's not courting at the minute.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Nan! You're embarrassing me!
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Come on.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25'I am a psychic, clairvoyant and spiritual medium.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31'My work is to offer evidence that our spirit and personality
0:06:31 > 0:06:33'survive after our so-called death.'
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- Hello!- Hi, this is Elsie Potter. She needs to see a doctor.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Broken wing, is it? Sorry!
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I've told my grandson, there's no point
0:07:01 > 0:07:04in wasting NHS money on an old fossil like me.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08- I've seen you in the precinct, haven't I?- Oh, that's right.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Mind, I'll not be collecting much in here, will I?
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Most students don't have two ha'pennies to rub together.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Two ticks. I'll, uh...
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Dr Carmichael, I've got a patient for you, Elsie Potter.
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- MOBILE PHONE RINGS - Thank you.- Who's that? A girlfriend?- It's Charlie.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I left a message for him. Hiya! Yeah, she's OK.
0:07:30 > 0:07:35We're just at the doctor's. I will. I'll text you when we get back.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37All right. Bye.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41- Charlie sends his love. - You didn't need to ring him.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Well, I was worried about you. He'll come round after his shift.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Elsie Potter?
0:07:47 > 0:07:48How do?
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Hello. I'm Dr Carmichael. If you'd like to come through?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57- Is it OK if I come? I'm her grandson.- If that's OK with you?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Do you need a hand?
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Me? No! I'm fit as a fiddle.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04She always says that. Just ignore it.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- So your grandmother was a medium? - Mm-hmm.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13You know it can run in families?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Mm, well, so can Psoriasis, which she also had
0:08:15 > 0:08:18but I didn't inherit that, thank goodness!
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- Well...why don't we try and contact her?- What, now?
0:08:22 > 0:08:26People pass to the other side but they're really just in the next room.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Do you honestly believe that?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Aren't there occasions when it feels like people you've lost are trying
0:08:31 > 0:08:34to communicate with you?
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Um...Shall we get back to the reason for your visit?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39What medical issue can I help you with?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Well...strangely enough...
0:08:42 > 0:08:43psoriasis.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Maybe you're more psychic than you think?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Her fingers are much more swollen than they were.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57It's like havin' a parrot! What did you have for breakfast? Trill?
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- And what about your hip? - Oh, it comes and goes, you know.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05It's just old age.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08OK, well, I'm going to prescribe a course of anti-inflammatories.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Can't I get those from Charlie?
0:09:11 > 0:09:14Oh, he's a nurse we know at St Phil's.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17He can't write prescriptions, Nan.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I think you should look at some lifestyle changes.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I'm not stopping work!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I mean, who's going to collect for all those kiddies?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27I'm not asking you to give anything up. Being active is a really good
0:09:27 > 0:09:30thing, but I'm asking you to take the rest of the day off and perhaps
0:09:30 > 0:09:33the next few days, just to give the medication a chance to start working.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Well...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37a few days won't do any harm,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39I suppose.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40Can I get that in writing?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Are we done then?- Yes, here we go.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49The dosage information's on there.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55She'll never give up work.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58She'd go out on her hands and knees if necessary.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Well, maybe you could just try to get her to drop her hours a little?
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Take things a bit more slowly? - I'll try. Thanks, doctor.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- Can you spare a few bob?- Nan!- What?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- Oh, excuse me? Celeste Baptiste? - Yes.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Do you have a moment?
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- You were in the waiting room earlier.- Yes.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- I don't really know how to say this. - How long has it been going on?
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Sorry?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27I sense a great darkness...
0:10:27 > 0:10:29..uncomfortably close.
0:10:29 > 0:10:34- A restless spirit... - There's no logical explanation!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Logic will only take you from A to B.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40It is the imagination which takes us everywhere else.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Can you help me?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- I have an appointment now. - Well, later then?
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Right, are we doing bed or sofa?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Bed. I'll have a Nana nap.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02- Hi, Els. I saw you trotting back. - Hello, Charlie.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06- Who gave you a key?- Elsie. How are you feeling, babes?- Oh, I'm fine.
0:11:06 > 0:11:11- I'm on steroids.- Oh, bulking up? - They're anti-inflammatories, Nan.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15- How was your shift?- Oh, usual mayhem. Couple of punch ups.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18It's Booze Britain, Els, and I'm on the front line!
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- Ben was on the razzle last night. - Yeah? Where was my invite?
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- Uh, well... - Did you get lucky without me?
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- Come on, Nan, let's get you into bed. - I'll do that.- You don't mind?- Nah.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34- OK. I might nip into town, do a big shop.- Oh, thanks, pet.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Right then. Fancy a bed bath?
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- Oh, you cheeky monkey! I'll tell your girlfriend!- Which one?
0:11:47 > 0:11:49SHE LAUGHS
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Here, have you brought the you-know-what?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Not a word to Ben.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04So, apparently, I'm slightly psychic on my mother's side.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Well, that's handy when it comes to diagnosing.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- What do you fancy eating? - Can't you read my mind?
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Ah, Dr Carter! Are you ready? - Oh, I'm sorry.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17I completely forgot. Something's come up. I may be a bit late coming back.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22- So where do you fancy? The Icon? - Eh...- Somewhere in town?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Ladies, I might have a suggestion.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27A friend of mine has just started working at the church cafe.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30- The food there is excellent. - Is she the chef there?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32No...he helps prepare the food,
0:12:32 > 0:12:36but the carrot cake there is to die for.
0:12:36 > 0:12:40- I love a carrot cake.- Yeah, OK. After you, Mrs Tembe.- Good!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Does she have a secret boyfriend?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Well, there's only one way to find out...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Hey, what's the matter?
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Oh, I've been sick, pet.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53You look awful!
0:12:53 > 0:12:54Get Charlie.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- I'll get the doctor!- Oh!
0:12:59 > 0:13:01So how did you meet this guy, Mrs Tembe?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- In church.- Singles night?
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Mr Robson has had a difficult time lately.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Mrs Tembe! You should have texted.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I'd have reserved a table.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- How has your first day been? - It's great!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16We're so busy, they've already got me helping out on the floor.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Ooh! Sorry. These are some colleagues from work.
0:13:19 > 0:13:24This is Dr Donoghue and Nurse Marquez. This is Mr Robson.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Niamh. It's nice to meet you.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Mandy.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Josh. Hi.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30We've heard a lot about you.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32All good, I might add.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Well, please, this way.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- Thank you.- How's it been going? Any tricky customers?
0:13:39 > 0:13:40None so far.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Well, we'll try and liven things up, keep you on your toes!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I'll be back in a bit to get your orders.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51So, Mrs Tembe, see anything you fancy?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Is she OK?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01She's stopped vomiting, but she's running a temperature.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03She looked like a ghost when I got in.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04I've never seen her so pale.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06It looks like a stomach virus.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08The best thing you can to do is to keep her hydrated.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I will.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12I'm sorry to drag you out like this.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15I know you're busy, but she's all I've got in the world.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16You did the right thing.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Just make sure she keeps getting plenty of fluids,
0:14:18 > 0:14:20and contact the surgery if she starts vomiting again.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I will.
0:14:22 > 0:14:25- Are you hungry? - I haven't had any lunch.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- Oh, have some. - No, really, I shouldn't.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31It's the least we can do for taking up all your time.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33No-one bakes cakes like Nan. Here.
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Try one.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Thanks.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Hm. Tasty!
0:14:40 > 0:14:41Unusual.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44Like Colonel Sanders, it's her special recipe.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Are you not having any?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50I'm not a big chocolate fan. I prefer her fruit cake.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Mm.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Thank you.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Sorry I'm late. Traffic.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16What is it?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Can you feel something?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It has a graveyard stench.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Oh, no. That's the drains.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24They're doing sewage work down the road.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27I wasn't referring to the smell. It's a psychic impression.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Is that bad?
0:15:31 > 0:15:32Where are you going?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34I'll be back in a minute.
0:15:38 > 0:15:39Here you go, Nan.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41Oh, thanks, pet.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45She's nice, that Dr Carmichael. We had a good natter.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47She liked your brownies.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49What?!
0:15:49 > 0:15:50The ones you left out.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Where is Dr Carmichael now?
0:15:52 > 0:15:53She's just left!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- Ohhh!- What's the matter?!
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I can't...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12SHE MUMBLES
0:16:15 > 0:16:19MUSIC: "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds"
0:16:19 > 0:16:21SHE LAUGHS
0:16:42 > 0:16:45Doctor?! Doctor!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Dr Carmichael!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Doctor!
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Dr Carmichael!
0:16:52 > 0:16:53Oh!
0:16:55 > 0:16:59The spirit must be purged. This is very specialised work.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01But can you get rid of it?
0:17:01 > 0:17:02First we discuss my fee.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Of course. How much?
0:17:04 > 0:17:06200.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08£200!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Paid in full. Up front.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19"Service not included." Shall we leave him a big tip?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Suppose it goes without saying, Mrs Tembe?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I think it is customary to leave a 10% gratuity.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28So that's three quid each, then. Call it a tenner.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31No, it's all right, I'll get it.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35- Thank you.- Thank you very much. Well, I'll take it. Thank you.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- I don't think we'll get invited back, do you?- Hm.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42What is that?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Oh, just some local activities. Some good stuff, actually.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Do you fancy doing a class?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Maybe.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50Was everything all right for you?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Oh, yes. Yes, thank you.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I am sorry my friends were a little inappropriate.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59It's fine.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Dr Carmichael? Are you OK?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Have some water.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15What the hell was in those brownies, Nan?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17It must be food poisoning.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- What?- They were spiked!
0:18:21 > 0:18:24You're baking hash cakes?!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Where's Daniel? Where's my phone?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29It was for my arthritis.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Are you out of your mind?!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34I was supposed to smoke it.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37You were planning on going out waving your charity bucket,
0:18:37 > 0:18:39high as a kite?
0:18:39 > 0:18:42I was in pain. He said it would help!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Who did? KNOCKING
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Elsie! I got you some skins.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Who's this? The friendly neighbourhood drug dealer?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Who's this skank?
0:18:52 > 0:18:56Skank! I will have you know that I'm a... Oh, my God!
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Cheaper to get Mystic Meg.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Cut the cards, please.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11No, I don't want my fortune told.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Someone close to you has recently passed over?
0:19:31 > 0:19:32No.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Someone with a grudge against you, then?
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Not that I can think of.
0:19:39 > 0:19:43And the noises you heard - where did they come from?
0:19:43 > 0:19:44Upstairs.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52OK. Let me just get this straight.
0:19:52 > 0:19:57You have been selling drugs to vulnerable pensioners?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59No. Elsie hasn't given me any money.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03Oh, right! So you wait till they get hooked then you hoick the prices?
0:20:03 > 0:20:04It wasn't like that.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06It's a painkiller for arthritis.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07Is it?
0:20:07 > 0:20:12It can cause palpitations and...arrhyth...
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Sorry, what was the question?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Is it a painkiller?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Yeah, well, yes, anecdotally.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22So you put my nan at risk?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I didn't know she was going to use the whole bag.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27I told you to use a little smidge, Elsie.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I thought it would work quicker.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Have you been supplying to other people?
0:20:31 > 0:20:34I don't. It's personal use only.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Rubbish!
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Please don't shop me - I could lose my job.
0:20:38 > 0:20:41I don't deal anything else. I swear on the Bible.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44On the...!
0:20:44 > 0:20:46KNOCKING
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Hello?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Did you call the police?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Hello?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55ZARA LAUGHS
0:20:55 > 0:20:57What's going on?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Anything?
0:21:03 > 0:21:04I am concentrating!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Sorry.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09You definitely felt a presence here on the landing?
0:21:09 > 0:21:10Yes.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Were there any changes in temperature? Any sudden coldness?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17No. Just a sense of trepidation.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21The hairs standing up on the back of the neck. And the noises.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22From the attic.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Please...do not follow me.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Hash cakes? And you couldn't tell?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36No, I left the sniffer dog at home today, Daniel.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Of course I couldn't tell! I wouldn't have eaten them if I could tell!
0:21:39 > 0:21:41And what's with the Trainspotting look?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- I was sick on my clothes.- What?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I was sick on my clothes.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48You had a whitey!
0:21:48 > 0:21:51It's not funny. I could have had a psychotic episode.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52How would we know the difference?
0:21:52 > 0:21:55I'm going to call Rob. Stay there.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Good idea.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Look, you can apologise all you want - it makes no difference.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- And I want that house key back. - Oh, mate, come on.
0:22:05 > 0:22:09I didn't mean any harm. You know how I feel about Elsie...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11and you.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12I'm not falling for that. Come on.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Key!
0:22:21 > 0:22:23He's not a bad lad, really.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Well, he's not welcome round here any more.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28You liked him, didn't you?
0:22:30 > 0:22:31You know he just likes lasses.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35What are you talking about, Nan?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38I know you like lads, sweetheart.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41What?
0:22:41 > 0:22:46Oh, it's all right with me. My uncle Terry was gay.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50He lived with a man for 30 years. And why not?
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Why shouldn't people be able to live with whoever they love?
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Do you mean that?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Course I do!
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Why were you always asking if I had a girlfriend if you knew?
0:23:04 > 0:23:08Because I wanted to give you the chance to tell me.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13I thought you'd get sick of me asking eventually!
0:23:13 > 0:23:16You're not mad at me?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19How could I be mad at you, sweetheart?
0:23:19 > 0:23:24You're the most important thing in the whole world to me.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28Come on. Give your daft old nana a cuddle.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Well? What did you find?
0:23:36 > 0:23:37- Nothing.- What?
0:23:37 > 0:23:39In all my years as a professional,
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I have rarely come across a less atmospheric place.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46There is no-one here who wishes to communicate with me -
0:23:46 > 0:23:48or, more specifically, with you.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50No, hang on. What about the noises?
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Whatever's causing it is not of the spirit world.
0:23:54 > 0:23:55What, then?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Probably just old plumbing.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59That's it?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Nan's in here.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Blimey!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08What is this? Ghetto chic?!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Oh, yes, Elsie, Dr Granger's been telling me
0:24:12 > 0:24:14about these cakes you've been baking.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Oh, I'm sorry, Sergeant. I didn't mean to cause all this trouble.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21PHONE RINGS Excuse me.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- Will I be arrested?- Arrested?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25No, I don't think that will be necessary,
0:24:25 > 0:24:27but I will need to take a statement from you.
0:24:27 > 0:24:28It won't go in the papers, will it?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Nan does so much work for good causes.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33I know. I'm sure we can keep a lid on it.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36OK, Elsie, you'd better show me these cakes.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Oh, yes, this way.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Who was that?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46On the phone? Oh, that was Karen asking after you.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Well, I hope you made something up.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Like my car's broken down, or...
0:24:52 > 0:24:55You didn't tell her, did you?
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Al was asking why you hadn't come back to work and he was accusing you of bunking off,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01so I felt that I had to protect your reputation!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03My reputation?!
0:25:03 > 0:25:05You did this on purpose, didn't you?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I didn't. It just slipped out, I promise!
0:25:07 > 0:25:10This is payback, isn't it? Because I won't "Come Dancing" with you?
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Let me just tell you that this... is it!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Brilliant!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22- I demand a refund!- Why?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Because you, madam, have taken me for a fool!
0:25:25 > 0:25:29All this stuff about "a great darkness" and "a graveyard stench"!
0:25:29 > 0:25:30I don't even believe in ghosts!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Then what's the problem?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Well, the problem is you've fleeced me.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37No. I've told you there are no spirits in this house.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39So either I'm right and there aren't,
0:25:39 > 0:25:42or you're right and no such thing exists in the first place,
0:25:42 > 0:25:46so whichever way you look at it, you're in the clear.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Goodbye.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53CREAKING
0:26:01 > 0:26:05You do know this is a scam? You're deluding yourselves.
0:26:05 > 0:26:06It's not real.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07It seems pretty real to me.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10You can't meditate cancer away!
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Do you mind if I call you Alisdair?
0:26:12 > 0:26:13It's Al.
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I promise you I can cure you.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21What about you and Al? Are you two OK?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Of course we are! Why would you ask that?