0:00:28 > 0:00:32# Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock
0:00:32 > 0:00:36# Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring
0:00:36 > 0:00:40# Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun
0:00:40 > 0:00:42# Now the jingle... #
0:00:42 > 0:00:46Oi! Oi! What the hell do you think you're playing at?!
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Stop that now!
0:00:48 > 0:00:51# Jingle bells, jingle... #
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Oi!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Oh, God!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00SNORING
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Yeah, police.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07I'd like to report a micturating drunk passed out on my property.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Weeing, yes, on my decorations.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Bernard Price, 81 Foster Avenue.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Thank you, and preferably before he wakes up.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Not a very auspicious start to the festivities, is it?
0:01:25 > 0:01:28It's all under control, Mr Evans.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31It's unfortunate we see an increase in such loutish behaviour.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Season of goodwill, et cetera.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Still, only so much you can do.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Exactly.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Though, got to think of appearances.
0:01:43 > 0:01:48Best find something to...cover up his baubles.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Ah, good morning.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57- Morning.- Hi.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Dr Granger, I have had a phone message from a Mrs Lomax
0:02:01 > 0:02:03regarding a cosmetic appointment.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Apparently she wants to look her best for the party season.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07OK, thank you.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10She wanted to see you today, but you are fully booked.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13I see you have put time aside for a partners' meeting.
0:02:13 > 0:02:14Which we can't reschedule.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I wouldn't do that. Leave it with me.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Well, I have drawn up some points of order for your consideration.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Such as?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Oh, well, I can print them off.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25We can discuss them at the time.
0:02:25 > 0:02:33Actually, we'll be deciding the shortlist for the practice manager's job today.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36It wouldn't be appropriate for you to be there.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41No. No, of course.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Morning.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49I'm ready for my close-up, Mr Bailey.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Well, once I've got my slap on.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52You're going to die when you see me.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I will be covering for Mrs Hollins while she has her photoshoot.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Miss Pitman is at the Campus Surgery.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03It was not worth getting a temp at such short notice.
0:03:03 > 0:03:08So, of course you can use my... You can use the office.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10No need, we can use mine.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- Shall we say 11?- Hm.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13So, lunchtime? We all set?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Yeah, fine.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17OK, shall I come with...?
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Oh! Rude.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22You are not going to recognise me.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I look forward to it. I have some calls to make.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Right.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37For the benefit of the tape, you've waived your right to a solicitor.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39- I can speak for myself.- Yeah.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43And you agree with the custody sergeant that you're fit to interview
0:03:43 > 0:03:47- and you understand you've been arrested for being drunk and disorderly?- Again.
0:03:47 > 0:03:51When we brought you in, you said you'd been put up to it.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I said it cos I was.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55He paid me to do it, an' all.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Look, I want a drink.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58You've had coffee - several of them.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01A proper drink. Keep the cold out.
0:04:01 > 0:04:06We're not the Ritz, Mr Lowe. Right, I'll ask you again, just to be sure.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07You are saying that someone, a man,
0:04:07 > 0:04:11paid you to go and decorate the decorations on Foster Avenue?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Only the ones at that house.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Do you know him? Had you seen him before?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Mr Lowe, you're shaking your head.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21For the sake of the tape, can you answer the question?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23No, I've not met him before.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Would you recognise him?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Where did you meet him?
0:04:28 > 0:04:33Dunno. Offy on the Jubilee, probably. My local.
0:04:36 > 0:04:4230 quid, he gives us, but only if I spent it all on booze
0:04:42 > 0:04:45and recycled it at the one place, he said.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53So he was paid to do it? I've been deliberately targeted?
0:04:53 > 0:04:55- Apparently. - Well, what a horrible thing to do.
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Can you think of anyone?
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Not really, no.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02Well, there's always Herman the German.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04- And who's he?- Next door.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Moved in a few months back. Got a bit snippy about the lights.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Doesn't do a thing to his own garden.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11It looks like a shambles, really. Lowers the tone.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12And you two have had words?
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Yeah, next door, the German. You see if I'm not right.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21I can well believe he'd have no respect for the sanctity of sovereign soil.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- Next, Duncan Anstee?- Hm.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Just told us what he thought we wanted to hear.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- And not all we needed to know. That's a no from me.- Agreed.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31The standard was really high.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Yeah. So, looks like we've drawn up the same shortlist?
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Looks like advertising the job in December was a good idea.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Yeah. Could've gone either way.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41You were right to cast the net wider.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Yeah. Like I say, we had nothing to lose.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45So, any other business?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Why would I know anything
0:05:48 > 0:05:51about a man using my neighbour's garden as a toilet?
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I'm just asking if you witnessed the event, Mr Bork.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56I go for a run every morning about eight.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58What time did you get back?
0:05:58 > 0:06:01My route usually takes about 40, 45 minutes.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04I saw the police car, so I'm assuming I missed the fun.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Your English is very good.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09So is yours. Your accent, not local?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Yorkshire, perhaps?
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Hm. Yes. Excellent.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Mr Price said you two had had frank exchanges of views in the past.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22I made a joke about his house being seen from space,
0:06:22 > 0:06:24like the Great Wall of China.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29Hardly a criticism. It is bright. More an observation.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31What about the other things?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34As I explained to him, I'm renting the house for a year
0:06:34 > 0:06:37while I'm at the university's language department.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39I pay for a gardening service through the letting agent,
0:06:39 > 0:06:42but they are proving to be unreliable.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45You think there's a connection.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49It clearly was not me urinating on Mr Price's Christmas display.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51We're just following a line of inquiry.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52What? That I would arrange for this
0:06:52 > 0:06:54because Mr Price is not a good neighbour?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57OK. But if you do think of anything else...
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Just so we're clear -
0:06:58 > 0:07:02this seems rather an elaborate practical joke at best.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04It's not a joke, sir.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07A joke, a plot, yes, Mr Price has been unpleasant from the day
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I moved in, but I don't take the bait.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Oh, Sid! Can you give me a hand?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Oh, sorry, I can't stop.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Thanks a lot(!)
0:07:19 > 0:07:22You don't want to let Mrs Tembe catch you doing that
0:07:22 > 0:07:24without a high vis jacket and a hard hat.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Not that anybody's bothered about anything at the minute.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31It's my calendar shoot today and nobody cares!
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Do you think the novelty's worn off?
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Absolutely.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37That's why I'm putting fairy lights up, to brighten the place up.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41No, no - the calendar shoot - so Daniel was James Bond
0:07:41 > 0:07:44and everybody treated him like he was the actual one!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Nobody's even asked me what I'm going to be.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Oh, don't worry about it. Just pretend the camera's not there, and be yourself.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Well, I'm not going to be myself!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57I'm going to be somebody you wouldn't guess in a million years.
0:07:57 > 0:07:58Do you want a clue?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Do these lights look wonky?
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Who cares?!
0:08:03 > 0:08:07Wow, even the mural gets decorations.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Seasons greetings, Howard.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Seasons greetings, Mrs Tembe.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17I'm sorry, but I've been meaning to ask for ages...
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Who is this?
0:08:18 > 0:08:20He used a really old photo that he had of me.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23I used to be blonde, all right?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Anyway, are you going to stand there
0:08:25 > 0:08:27or are you going to give me a hand, Haskey?
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Hm. What do I get in return, blondie?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Hey!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Why do you hate Christmas?
0:08:38 > 0:08:39Excuse me?
0:08:39 > 0:08:42How small-minded have you got to be that you'd arrange
0:08:42 > 0:08:44a disgusting little show like that this morning?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46That was nothing to do with me.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48You're denying help to sick children.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49You're being ridiculous!
0:08:49 > 0:08:52I don't hate Christmas and I love all children.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I'm German! We gave you Christmas, don't forget.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56What rubbish!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59The trees, cake, advent calendars - all German traditions.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02You even have a big German Christmas market in Birmingham.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03You're welcome, Mr Price.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06No-one does Christmas better than the English.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Charles Dickens! You may have got some ideas from the Victorians,
0:09:10 > 0:09:11but we took it and improved it.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Really?
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Yeah. Read A Christmas Carol.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17There's the true spirit of Christmas.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Herr Bork, you're welcome.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22"If I could work my will,
0:09:22 > 0:09:25"every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas on his lips
0:09:25 > 0:09:27"should be boiled with his own pudding
0:09:27 > 0:09:29"and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!"
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Very seasonal, Herr Price.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40It's not like there hasn't been something between us.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44You've come to mean... No.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Er... We've had a great time and it's me, it's definitely not you.
0:09:48 > 0:09:53Eh, what ya saying? Are you telling me to sling me hook?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55- But you're my Yorkshire pudding, you are.- What are you doing?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- If you're not going to take this seriously...- Sorry.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00You don't have to do her voice.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02OK. All right.
0:10:04 > 0:10:08But I really like you. I thought you were the one!
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Well, OK, bottom line - I'm Jean-Luc Picard,
0:10:12 > 0:10:16you're the Borg Queen, my shields are damaged but they're...
0:10:16 > 0:10:19No, no, no, no, no, no. Seriously. Star Trek?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Come on! That's phasers set to cliche.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Look, we'll go through it again over lunch, that you're buying.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Thank you.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35I've been thinking about questions for the interviews.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Me, too. Want to run them by me?
0:10:37 > 0:10:40I've got to get ready for Karen but I can print them out later.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42OK. Do you know who she's going to be?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Nah. I've tried to get it out of her, but...
0:10:44 > 0:10:49Hey, um, do you think this dual partnership thing is going to work
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- until Zara gets back?- We've managed not to kill each other so far.
0:10:54 > 0:11:00True. I was wondering, should we be looking for a practice manager
0:11:00 > 0:11:02who's got partnership potential?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04You want to discuss that at the interviews?
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- Oh, maybe it's too much, too soon. Just putting it out there.- Hm.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10What about someone here?
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Al's been making noises.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Yeah. I'm not sure.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Thought he was a mate?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Yeah, exactly, so I know what I'm talking about.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Yeah.- What about Emma?
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Do you think she'd be interested after what happened last time?
0:11:23 > 0:11:24- Could always sound her out.- Yeah.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Well, listen, let's shelve it until she gets back.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- See you in a bit.- OK.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Right. Well, that's it for now.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36About flaming time.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39You're in the magistrates' court on Monday.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Won't matter. Like I can pay a fine.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Yeah, well, you can always ask Santa.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48This bloke.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51He might've, and I wouldn't swear to it in court,
0:11:51 > 0:11:54had a bit of an accent.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57What, you didn't think to tell me that in the interview?
0:11:57 > 0:11:58What kind of accent?
0:11:58 > 0:11:59No idea.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I've been pretty out of it.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Money like that gets you the good stuff,
0:12:04 > 0:12:07not the usual metal polish or cough syrup.
0:12:07 > 0:12:08So that's it. An accent.
0:12:08 > 0:12:14Yeah, that and he was dressed like, ah, you know, one of Santa's things.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19You know... Er...
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Reindeer?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Reindeer, talk daft!
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Santa's...helpers!
0:12:32 > 0:12:33An elf?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37The man who gave you the money was dressed like an elf?
0:12:37 > 0:12:41MUSIC: Changes by David Bowie
0:13:22 > 0:13:24St Phil's.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Thank you.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Come back after dark - bring the family!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Much more impressive.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41LAUGHING
0:13:45 > 0:13:46All I'm saying is,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49it's made me realise monogamy's not all it's cracked up to be.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Sleeping around is a sign of maturity.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55What does lifelong commitment have going for it? It's not natural.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Swans mate for life.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Which would explain why they're so bad-tempered.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03I can understand it, if you had a family with someone.
0:14:03 > 0:14:07Oh, so there are circumstances in which you can see it happening?
0:14:07 > 0:14:10No, not so sure. I don't really see myself having kids.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Wow!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Why wow?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16You don't like helping with the washing-up
0:14:16 > 0:14:19and you're not going to have any woman come near you.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Well, I don't like helping with the washing-up.
0:14:22 > 0:14:27I suppose if I'm honest, I do miss sharing my life with someone.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31OK, now I'm getting mixed signals. Why are you finishing with Mo?
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Well, if you're going to do the washing-up with someone,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38then you've got to have that magic spark, that thing, haven't you?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I don't have THAT with her.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46You try and live your life without that,
0:14:46 > 0:14:50and I bet you monogamy can be just as lonely as being alone.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51I think you have a point.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57But, you know, bear in mind, Al, you don't have all the time in the world.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Ange?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Come and have a look at this.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- Foster Avenue?- Hm.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I think it's time we paid Mr Price another visit.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21St Phil's?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30No, no. I don't think so.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33I'm making a donation. Isn't that what you want?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36Not if it's to ease your guilty conscience.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Why should I feel guilty? I want to give money.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40It's a time to remember those less fortunate, no?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42What do you mean by that?
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Like Tiny Tim.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48No, not so you can lord it over me!
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Listen, you know what, we won the war,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54but you lot seem to have come out of it better than us.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57That is a sweeping statement, and not very accurate, or polite.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Oh! Hit a nerve, have I?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01One that makes me feel sad for you.
0:16:01 > 0:16:05Well, I don't need your pity and I don't need your money
0:16:05 > 0:16:07and I don't need your company, so why don't you just...?
0:16:07 > 0:16:09That'll do, Mr Price.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11How about I give this to the sergeant
0:16:11 > 0:16:14and he puts it in your bucket - will that work?
0:16:14 > 0:16:17So what's your problem now?
0:16:17 > 0:16:19He's being German.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Sounds like he's being generous, to me.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24You've got a track record with your neighbours, haven't you?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26I don't know what you mean.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29You know all too well what I mean, not to mention one or two conditions
0:16:29 > 0:16:31placed on you for putting decorations up outside!
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Yeah, unfair conditions!
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Look, I'd sooner talk about this inside, if you don't mind.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Right, I've some test results to catch up on.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Is that enough role-playing for one day?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Yeah. I'm going to stick to my guns but I'm not going to be heartless.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Yeah, she'll appreciate your honesty. Just not right away.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00This isn't too much, is it?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I may have done the dumping but you can still be chivalrous.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06I think it's fine. It shows you're still considerate of her feelings.
0:17:06 > 0:17:10Thank you so much for all your help. You're a magnificent agony aunt.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12You're all right.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14I'm going to catch you up.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Strike while the iron is hot.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Oh! You picked that up early.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Erm, can you come over to my house this evening?
0:17:27 > 0:17:31I found a whole string of complaints on file, Mr Price,
0:17:31 > 0:17:32all leading back to you.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Leading back to, perhaps, but not about me.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38People parking on your neighbours' driveways
0:17:38 > 0:17:41when they came to see your display, blocking access.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43It's not residential only parking around here.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Petty crime and vandalism on the rise,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47in the weeks leading up to Christmas.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49None of which is done by me.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51And an abatement notice from the council,
0:17:51 > 0:17:53limiting the amount of lights and decorations you can put up.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Yeah - petty-minded bureaucracy which I appealed.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57And lost.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Look, I've been denied my rights. You put that on your list.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- Mr Lowe...- Who?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06The man you caught decorating your decorations,
0:18:06 > 0:18:11said that the man who paid him was dressed like an elf.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14What, you think it was me?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17What for - a sympathy vote?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Or somebody who's still angry about what you do.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Somebody who wants to send a clear message.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I'm not in the habit of playing martyr.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27No, but you do have a knack of annoying your neighbours.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Although in this instance, I'm going to rule out Mr Bork.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33- He's the worst of the lot round here.- Lately, maybe.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35But this is his first Christmas in the UK,
0:18:35 > 0:18:37and as provoked as he may have been,
0:18:37 > 0:18:41in my opinion he does not have a long-standing grudge.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Oh, right, that's your opinion, is it?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45What do you think?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46They're great.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50I think we should include a question about relocation, where appropriate.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Can we help? That sort of thing.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Yeah, fine.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56And maybe include a left side of the brain question,
0:18:56 > 0:18:58just to see how they think outside the box?
0:18:58 > 0:19:00That's a Howard trick.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Yeah.
0:19:02 > 0:19:07And I will write and send letters to the unsuccessful candidates.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Now, who's going to break the news to Mrs Tembe?
0:19:10 > 0:19:14I'll do it. No point in keeping her waiting.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16DOORBELL RINGS
0:19:17 > 0:19:21Oh, that's just great! Come to complete my humiliation?
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I have a peace offering.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Well, you know where you can stick...
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Mr Price, what have we just been saying?!
0:19:28 > 0:19:31It's all right, Officer. This is how Mr Price and I talk.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Please take it. It's stollen.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Stollen?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37A cake. My mother sent me three.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39She's trying to bribe me home.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42No, I know what it is. In actual fact, I've even tried to make some,
0:19:42 > 0:19:43although I couldn't quite get it right.
0:19:43 > 0:19:47My mother would tell you the secret is in the temperature of the milk.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Interesting. Although I couldn't get the yeast to behave either.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Even then, you'd never get it to taste like this.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Mutti makes the best stollen ever.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Well, she would, wouldn't she, she's in Germany,
0:19:57 > 0:19:58where all the Christmas comes from.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Mr Price, you have someone here who is making a very generous gesture.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04My advice would be to take kindness where you can find it.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07An elf should never be grumpy.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Why does everything have to turn out wrong?
0:20:09 > 0:20:13What can be wrong with accepting cake?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Maybe it's time to bury the hatchet, don't you think?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17You'll always wonder what you missed.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Some tea, real stollen.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Tea as well!
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Liberty Hall. S'pose I'd better put the kettle on.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34We need to allow for more flexibility on the work rota
0:20:34 > 0:20:36where Miss Pitman is concerned.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39I am counting on you,
0:20:39 > 0:20:43preferably when you are back to being Mrs Hollins.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47It's got a bit more staying power than the usual lippy and mascara.
0:20:47 > 0:20:52Well, Mr Bowie needs to be gone by the beginning of afternoon surgery.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Mrs Tembe?
0:20:54 > 0:20:58Dr Clay, I have finished speaking to Mrs Hollins/Mr Bowie.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Sorry, I won't keep you a sec. I just wanted to let you know
0:21:00 > 0:21:02that you've been successful, you're going
0:21:02 > 0:21:05to be one of the applicants for the practice manager's job.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09- Oh.- Oh! Congratulations!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Oh, Miss Pitman!
0:21:11 > 0:21:13How many people are you seeing?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I do not think that is an appropriate question to ask.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Three. The interviews are next Friday.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20I will let you know an exact time soon, OK?
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Oh! I'm made up for you.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24Thank you.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Now when you boss me around, it'll be legitimate.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29I have not got the job yet.
0:21:29 > 0:21:34No, I think the hard work is still ahead of me.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Now, to me, this is what Christmas tastes like.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50It is really good.
0:21:50 > 0:21:55In the morning, toasted, lots of butter. Perfect.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57What do you think?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00It's all right.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01As Santa's helper,
0:22:01 > 0:22:04you should live on an exclusive diet of stollen and gingerbread.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Maybe I'll leave some on everyone's doorstep around here,
0:22:07 > 0:22:08make them feel more festive.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11I wouldn't bother. They're proper killjoys.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14They really object to what you do?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16We should do something about that.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Mr Bork.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21I don't have an injunction against me.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24We have a saying - good fences make for good neighbours.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26It also keeps the police happy.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Well, one of our good neighbours arranged for my garden
0:22:28 > 0:22:30to be watered this morning.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33And that is wrong, but an eye for an eye leaves us all blind.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39Look, I apologise for thinking it was you.
0:22:40 > 0:22:44And while I appreciate your idea, I'm not going to encourage you
0:22:44 > 0:22:49in sticking it to our neighbours, not in present company, anyway.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54More stollen, Sergeant?
0:22:59 > 0:23:03Good to see a prompt response from the police over this sorry business.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06What is that business exactly, Mr...?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Evans. Of the Larches.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11You might've heard of me. I run the local neighbourhood watch.
0:23:14 > 0:23:19His heart's in the right place, but it lowers the tone.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Actually, Mr Price is honouring the terms of his abatement notice.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26As for what happened this morning, that's hardly his fault, is it?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29It's not an isolated case and we all have to deal with the fallout,
0:23:29 > 0:23:30so to speak.
0:23:30 > 0:23:35Still, not to worry - mustn't burden you with trivialities.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Well, that is sort of our job, sir.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45- Are you seeing what I'm seeing?- Hm.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Hold that, will you?
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Mr Evans, can I have a word, please?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Oh. All set?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Yeah. She's coming over to mine.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58OK, well, I hope it's not too painful. Remember, have boundaries from the get-go, Haskey, all right?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Yeah, this is my personal body space -
0:24:00 > 0:24:02that is her personal body space.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05I'm not going to cross the streams. I know what I'm doing.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Good luck.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10I know what I'm doing.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20Actually, could we, erm... Could we talk?
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Yeah, what's up?
0:24:23 > 0:24:27There's no easy way for me to say this, so I'm just going to say it.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I don't think there's a future for me and you.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Oh, right.
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Yeah.
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Yeah, well me, neither.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45It's just a bit of fun, isn't it?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Really?
0:24:48 > 0:24:54Yeah. Yeah, so instead of yakking on about it, let's have some more.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Come on, you get the Balti in, and...
0:25:01 > 0:25:03..da-da-da-dah!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08We'll plug these in before you take them, make sure there's no duds.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11This lot's going to cover the entire front of your house.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15If I leave you a door key, you can switch them on after I go home for Christmas.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19You're on. So, do you decorate your houses in Germany?
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Some do. We have a more traditional time in my family.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24What does that involve?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27Lots of food where my mother is in charge.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29A roast goose, venison, salmon.
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Stollen?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Rooms filled with it.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Maybe some skiing with my brothers, if the weather allows.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35That sounds like a merry time.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Eine frhliche Weihnacht. Exactly.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41I guess I'll just be staying with my cousins in Wolverhampton.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Nothing fancy but it'll be nice.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Nice. OK. Maybe next year, you come to Germany.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Sorry?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52My mother keeps an open house. Friends, family, neighbours -
0:25:52 > 0:25:54everyone is welcome. Even elves.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57- Well, I...- Come and see how Christmas is really done.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Not so much bah humbug from your neighbours.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Well, maybe I will.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- Grenade!- Die, zombie! Come on!
0:26:10 > 0:26:12- Come on.- Watch the right flank.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Yeah, I'm watching.- Ah, they're coming through the ceiling!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Through the ceiling.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Oh!
0:26:20 > 0:26:21That was good.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Told you. Only next time you're going to be the trapped vigilante.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26OK, another round.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Er...I'm up for a different activity, now.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35OK, about that.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37What's up? You've been right tense all night.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39No, it's just I've had a busy day at work.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Weight of the world on your shoulders?
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Something like that.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Well, how about one of my famous massages?
0:26:47 > 0:26:50With a happy ending? Hm? Come on.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53That's it.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Whatever it is, just forget all about it.
0:27:06 > 0:27:11He's funny, he's sexy, clever, he's got the whole package.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Are we still talking about Al?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15You started this, remember?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17No, I didn't... I wasn't...
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Maybe you should just give me that...
0:27:21 > 0:27:24- Oh, that's brilliant!- I love him.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26So good in Harry Potter.