0:00:27 > 0:00:30I was kind of expecting a rabbit in a hat,
0:00:30 > 0:00:32but what's all the devils about?
0:00:32 > 0:00:34We have health and safety to consider.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37We cannot have devils and rabbits running all over the surgery.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39It's just for show,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41it's going to be handkerchiefs and them two ring things.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44The mysterious Alphonse The Amazing,
0:00:44 > 0:00:45who so ever he may be,
0:00:45 > 0:00:47is not going to be drawn into revealing anything
0:00:47 > 0:00:49about that spellbinding performance.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Oh, give over. It's you in a Lone Ranger mask.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Oh, hello.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Is that...?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Oh, wow.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Go on. Give us a clue.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Is there any fire-eating? I love that.
0:01:01 > 0:01:05I'm sorry, but Alphonse insists upon total mystery.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07It's his lifeblood. The theatre of wonder,
0:01:07 > 0:01:11the greatest show on earth must remain a complete secret.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13I'm going to get sawn in half.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Oh, for...
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Oi!
0:01:19 > 0:01:20KAREN GIGGLES
0:01:22 > 0:01:23Mrs Tembe.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Dr Granger. You look, you look very healthy.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Thank you. I didn't think cycling was your bag.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31I was buying a new bike for Joe,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33saw a decent deal and thought,
0:01:33 > 0:01:36well, Zara's got her shoes, so you can have your wheels.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Great stuff. Let's see it, then. Bring it in.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42I do not think the reception is a very hygienic place to bring a bike.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Good point. We'll be quick. Staffroom? Yeah.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48Mr Harker, while...
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I have you here, could you sign the infant vaccination?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Absolutely. Don't let me forget.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Lovely Valerie, how are we today? VALERIE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:01:56 > 0:01:57You OK?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:02:04 > 0:02:06That's close enough.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Excuse me? I'm on strict orders today,
0:02:08 > 0:02:11no-one's to get in or out without her say so. And you are?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13That's what I should be asking you.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Is Miss Phelps in? I can't say.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16COUGHING FROM INSIDE
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Who are you gossiping with?
0:02:18 > 0:02:19Stop idling.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Miss Phelps? It's Dr Reid. We have an appointment.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Well, let her in, you fool.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27And if I see another inch of your bottom,
0:02:27 > 0:02:31I'm going to stick a knitting needle in it.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Sorry. Um, good morning.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35Good morning.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39What are you waiting for? A written invitation? Come on, come in. Chop chop.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40MEREDITH COUGHS
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Really light and down from eight to five and half.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Mm, nice entry level bike.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49Well, I did my research. It's top five across the board.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. You've got yourself a bargain.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Shame to only use it for the commute.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57What's this? Boys and their toys.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Of course, it's about so much more than just the gear, isn't it?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Absolutely, absolutely.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Ugh. What is it with men and measuring contests?
0:03:05 > 0:03:10Well, if they are measuring, my money is on Dr Granger.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Yeah, good thickness. What's the grip like?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15BICYCLE BELL RINGS Ugh, I'm out. Me too.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18It's the, er, it's the gears that sold it to me.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20BICYCLE BELL RINGS
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Nice bell.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23KAREN LAUGHS
0:03:23 > 0:03:25This is neat.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28I feel like I've missed my calling in life, you know.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I did actually once get to try it out.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32It was my eighth birthday.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35I was invited to go up on stage with Sonny Earle,
0:03:35 > 0:03:38who I'd seen on that talent contest with...thingy.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39He called me his little angel
0:03:39 > 0:03:42and he made a dove fly out my dungarees.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Have you been practising? Rehearsing?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49La, la, la, la, la.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Magic.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53La, la, la, la, la. Ooh, magic.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Is that it?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Well, it works for Debbie McGee.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Oh, come on, Valerie.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01You're a big part of the show, you're the misdirection,
0:04:01 > 0:04:02the flash, the flair.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Don't you worry.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Al and I have been at it all night.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Watch this.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Oh! VALERIE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Ah!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Ooh!
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Pick a card. Any card. Not that one!
0:04:16 > 0:04:17VALERIE LAUGHS I'm only joking!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Stage persona, silly.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Mm?
0:04:24 > 0:04:28Now look at it, but don't tell me what it is.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30And back in the pack it goes.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34Oh, so, what was your card, Karen?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Where's your card? Where is it?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39The mystery, the suspense!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42Now, if you'd just like to pass me that envelope
0:04:42 > 0:04:44that's right behind you, Karen.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46No way! You didn't.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Ah...
0:04:53 > 0:04:55You didn't. Um...
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Oh, all right.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Oh...
0:04:59 > 0:05:00VALERIE SIGHS
0:05:05 > 0:05:07All right, now, apart from your cough,
0:05:07 > 0:05:08is there anything else troubling you?
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Yes, her next door.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12She comes outside to smoke,
0:05:12 > 0:05:17her mobile phone playing music, I can hear it in the bath.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21And then there's the radio, and that's not just the awful songs,
0:05:21 > 0:05:25but some idiot who insists on talking in between them.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28I was thinking more about fatigue, you know, aches and pains?
0:05:28 > 0:05:29She is a pain.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31MEREDITH COUGHS
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Sorry. Miss Phelps, I'm having trouble fitting this,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37are you sure you want this one? Is that the chain? Yep.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Then you'll fit it and put your back into it.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I hope you don't mind me asking...
0:05:43 > 0:05:44It's not rocket science.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47That bit goes on the left and that bit goes on the right,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50and I do not pay you to muddy up my Parkay.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52MEREDITH COUGHS
0:05:52 > 0:05:55Miss Phelps, I know you don't like leaving the house,
0:05:55 > 0:05:59but why don't you come to the Mill? I can review your care plan...
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Stop fussing, woman!
0:06:01 > 0:06:05I have to be in. He'll be back any day now.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Who'll be back?
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Here you go, Jimmi. Mm.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Do not touch.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Ah.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24It's a bit Sooty and Sweep, isn't it? I couldn't cut butter with that.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29It's kind of a good thing, though. When Valerie said she was being sawn in half, I was a bit worried.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32We don't want it dangerous, do we? I said, don't touch.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Where did you get this stuff?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36I rented it from my mate, the legendary Tony Kevitch.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Well, that's one trick he's done, isn't it?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40What? Disappearing with all your money!
0:06:40 > 0:06:42THEY LAUGH Yeah, very funny.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Anyway, it's not about the tools, it's about the technique.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46The Amazing Alphonse...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48The posters say, "Alphonse The Amazing."
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Yeah, that's what I said.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Alphonse The Amazing learned all his techniques
0:06:52 > 0:06:54from the finest gurus, shamans
0:06:54 > 0:06:56and grand wizards from here to Shangri-La.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Otherwise known as the internet. THEY GIGGLE
0:06:58 > 0:07:00This saw is the perfect weight
0:07:00 > 0:07:03and the perfect balance for the job at hand.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Look at that. That is diamond-sharpened.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Why have you still got that?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10What? We talked about this. Bin it.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12It's worked for 20 years.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14I want fear, Al.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15I want danger.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17I want to live on the edge.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Daredevil spectacle.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Yeah, health and safety.
0:07:20 > 0:07:21Up your game.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27JIMMI WHEEZES AND GIGGLES
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Do you think it will work?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38We want them to feel like they
0:07:38 > 0:07:40are on a journey into the unknown.
0:07:40 > 0:07:41One where anything can happen,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44so if we really ramp up the tension from the start,
0:07:44 > 0:07:46we'll have them in the palm of our hands.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Mm. That sounds like a lot of effort.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50I just want to get sawn in half.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Yeah, but you want it to last, don't you?
0:07:52 > 0:07:53you want it to endure.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56You want them, every time they hear the word "magic",
0:07:56 > 0:07:58to think of you. Yeah. Yes, I do.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Let's do it.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01That's my girl. You ready?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Wait. I want to do this method. VALERIE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:08:04 > 0:08:08Ah. OK. Stick to the script, no ad-libbing.
0:08:10 > 0:08:14You, you and your ridiculous saw!
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Nobody's going to be impressed by that!
0:08:16 > 0:08:20No-one's going to be impressed with you or your stupid hat if we don't produce some real magic!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22You can't talk to me like that!
0:08:22 > 0:08:26Oh, Valerie! Don't try and cash in your cancer credit with me.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28You roped me into this,
0:08:28 > 0:08:30now pull your weight, or I will walk! Me pull my weight?
0:08:30 > 0:08:34What about you and your supposedly legendary box
0:08:34 > 0:08:36that looks like it came out of a skip!
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Don't! That box is the star of this show!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40How dare you!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Do not slam my door!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Why are we hiding?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Auntie Meredith? Are you in?
0:08:57 > 0:08:58Auntie?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I've got to get ready for basketball practice.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03MEREDITH COUGHS
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Have you fallen?
0:09:05 > 0:09:06Are you OK?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Hang on, I think Mum gave me a spare key.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Er...
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Don't worry, I'll call an ambulance.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16No, you won't!
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Aunt Meredith?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19What's going on?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21I told you before, I'm not leaving!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I'm not trying to throw you out. Shoo!
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I think maybe you should talk to her.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28There's obviously been some confusion.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Don't you start!
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Can someone just please let me in?
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Right.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35What are you doing? I'm going to call Mum.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Right, that's it.
0:09:39 > 0:09:40YASMIN YELPS
0:09:40 > 0:09:42That was meant to be a warning shot.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Why didn't you move, you twit?
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Are you OK?
0:09:49 > 0:09:50I think so.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53My hair seems to have taken most of the hit.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Are you really just her niece? What's this all about?
0:09:55 > 0:09:56I have no idea.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Come on. Let's get you inside.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Why's she throwing potted plants at her niece?
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I've no idea, but I'd like to find out.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Ooh, so, when are you going to put her to the test?
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Well, there's no immediate rush.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Of course not.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18If I was you, I'd be aching to see what she can do, but...
0:10:18 > 0:10:20one step at a time.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Yeah.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Yeah... Well, I suppose I could take her out for a spin at lunchtime.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Exactly!
0:10:25 > 0:10:29The morning commute's one thing, but you want to use all those gears you paid for, don't you?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Get a simple circuit under your belt.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Put her through the paces. Any recommendations?
0:10:33 > 0:10:36You could go along Greenbank,
0:10:36 > 0:10:39up to Rampley Mount, back via Dukesfield.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41That should be enough to get you started.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Er... Yeah, well.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I suppose I better get warmed up, If I'm going to...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Hm! That's the spirit. Yeah...
0:10:49 > 0:10:52It looks like you've had a lucky escape.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Thick skull. I think it runs in the family.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56It's a nice skull.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00Right, what I would like to know is
0:11:00 > 0:11:02why is this place like Fort Knox,
0:11:02 > 0:11:06and why are you throwing potted plants at your niece's head?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08She's trying to do my sister's dirty work.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11They think I'm mad.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14Trying to oust me from my home.
0:11:14 > 0:11:15Mum was worried that
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Auntie Meredith doesn't ever leave the house.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I'm up here for work, so I thought I'd come and check in on her.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22I came by a few days ago and she was all shut in
0:11:22 > 0:11:24and it got me worried.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Miss Phelps, we're all worried.
0:11:27 > 0:11:31I just want to help, and clearly that's all Yasmin wants to do.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34Me too, I'd like to help. I don't need help.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38I don't want help cooking, or cleaning or climbing the stairs.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41There's plenty of life left in me.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44One little cough and you all circle like vultures.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Look, it's not that simple.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50When was the last time you socialised?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Well, I talk to this idiot.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56It's not just your physical health that's at risk.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59I am NOT mad!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I'll tell you what is mad,
0:12:01 > 0:12:04sitting in bingo halls.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07And feeding pigeons, and going to salsa classes!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12All there is out there is more idiots.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15You can't keep waiting in.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17You need to let go.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Let go of what?
0:12:19 > 0:12:23All right, that's it. Out. Out. All of you.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25You said to me a while ago
0:12:25 > 0:12:27that you were waiting for him to come back.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29What did you mean? Hasn't she told you? No.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Get out!
0:12:31 > 0:12:33She's waiting in for a dead man.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45If anyone needs me, I'm not here. Oh, OK.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Don't mind us. Oh, I've ruined it.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50My last chance at stardom.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Oh...
0:12:52 > 0:12:53You don't need him,
0:12:53 > 0:12:56you're better off without him. Do the show yourself.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58How am I going to saw myself in half?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Well, maybe focus on some of the other tricks?
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Really?
0:13:04 > 0:13:06How about this?
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Ha...
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Is this your card?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12VALERIE SIGHS Yeah, but points for showmanship.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15You know, you're really, nearly... Oh...
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. He's not dead.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Is your leg giving you trouble?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Let me have a look.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37That looks very sore.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39How long has it been like that?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42That needs to be seen to. No!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Oh, dear.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Right, that's it. Go on, get out, the lot of you.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50We're going, but you're coming with us. Come on.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Madam, hold that door, if you will? Thank you.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56Hey, Valeria.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59You want to live on the edge?
0:13:59 > 0:14:04Well, I have got sharp edge and I've got a jagged edge.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Is that enough edge for you?
0:14:08 > 0:14:10PHONE RINGS IN BACKGROUND
0:14:15 > 0:14:16How is she?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19She's having some tests done, but she's in good hands.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I really didn't mean to upset her so much.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22My mum's worried about her
0:14:22 > 0:14:24and asked me to check in while I was here.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27She was really off the first time I called in on her.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29I just wanted to be sure she was OK.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31She's like that with everyone. You get used to it.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Yeah, but its not right, is it?
0:14:33 > 0:14:35Her locking herself away. It's a shame.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Well, agoraphobia isn't easily overcome.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Especially when you're as resistant to help as Meredith is.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Just, er...
0:14:46 > 0:14:48..petal. I mean, um...
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Who fancies a tea? I'd love one. Yes, please.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54How do you take it? White, no sugar.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55Strong and sweet.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I'll try my best. Hm!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03THEY GIGGLE
0:15:03 > 0:15:06AL: OK, then you get on that. VALERIE: Yeah.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Come on, while it's up. OK, yeah. Is that good?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Move over a bit. Yeah. Yeah! That's it.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12OK, now I just.. VALERIE GIGGLES
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Go on, then.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Push it in.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19All the way. I am, that's as far as it goes. Oh.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23CHAINSAW ROARS
0:15:23 > 0:15:26I think I've heard enough! Ooh, I've heard too much.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28MEREDITH SNORES AND WHEEZES
0:15:31 > 0:15:33The looks on your faces.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35I'm not that bad, am I?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38We were just worried, that's all.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40MEREDITH GASPS
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Not going to be stuck in here, I hope.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44I'll just be outside.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Good to see you, Miss Phelps. Let me know if you need anything.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50They'll probably want to keep you in overnight.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51No.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53No...
0:15:54 > 0:15:58I...can't believe you brought me...
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I need to get back.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02No, no, no. I'm afraid you're going to have to stay in.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04At least until we know more.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06No.
0:16:06 > 0:16:1120 years, I've been there...waiting.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16I said I'd keep a candle burning.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I need to get home. Please.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Whatever it is,
0:16:20 > 0:16:24it can't be more important than your health.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25He is.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Who is, Meredith?
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Jacob.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34My fiance.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Each night...
0:16:37 > 0:16:40I keep a light on for him
0:16:40 > 0:16:41to come home to.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45I promised.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49He took the job...for us.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52For our future.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57A month away.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Maybe more.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01On the rigs.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06He was coming home.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10All lives lost, they said.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13But...
0:17:13 > 0:17:15they never knew for sure.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19See?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Even you think I've lost the plot.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24No.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26It's not like that at all.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I miss him.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I'm not mad.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40You and my sister can think what you like.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43I came by because I wanted to meet you.
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I don't really know anyone here.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I was hoping I could just, you know,
0:17:49 > 0:17:51spend some time with you.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54I've messed up, haven't I?
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Made myself worse. MEREDITH GASPS
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Right, definitely think about electronic gears.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04This is adding up, you know.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06But think of the money you saved on the bike.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08It evens out, right?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15The infant vaccination documents.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Oh, at last. I was going to chase you up for those.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Could you get these faxed over, ASAP?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26They are waiting for you in reception.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Done.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32NOW you've got a bike.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38MRS TEMBE SIGHS
0:18:41 > 0:18:42Is everything OK?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Yes. Yes, everything is fine.
0:18:46 > 0:18:47DRUMROLL
0:18:50 > 0:18:53APPLAUSE
0:18:53 > 0:18:56MUSIC: A Kind Of Magic by Queen
0:18:56 > 0:18:59# One dream, one soul
0:18:59 > 0:19:03# One prize, one goal...
0:19:03 > 0:19:07# One golden glance
0:19:07 > 0:19:09# Of what should be
0:19:09 > 0:19:11# It's a kind of magic
0:19:11 > 0:19:14# One shaft of light...
0:19:14 > 0:19:15Whoo!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17# That shows the way
0:19:18 > 0:19:22# No mortal man
0:19:22 > 0:19:24# Can win this day
0:19:24 > 0:19:26# It's a kind of magic...
0:19:26 > 0:19:29# The bell that rings
0:19:29 > 0:19:30LAUGHTER
0:19:30 > 0:19:33# Inside your mind
0:19:33 > 0:19:36# Is challenging
0:19:37 > 0:19:39# The doors of time WHOOPING
0:19:39 > 0:19:41# It's a kind of magic
0:19:41 > 0:19:43# The waiting seems...
0:19:45 > 0:19:47# Eternity... APPLAUSE
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Don't mind if I do.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51Cheers.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52LAUGHTER
0:19:55 > 0:19:57# Is this...
0:19:57 > 0:19:59AL CHOKES
0:20:01 > 0:20:03# It's a kind of magic
0:20:03 > 0:20:07# There can be only one
0:20:07 > 0:20:08APPLAUSE
0:20:08 > 0:20:10WHOOPING
0:20:10 > 0:20:13# This rage that lasts
0:20:13 > 0:20:16# A thousand years
0:20:16 > 0:20:20APPLAUSE # Will soon be done... #
0:20:20 > 0:20:22WHISTLING
0:20:22 > 0:20:26Now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
0:20:26 > 0:20:30I must ask, if any of you are of a weak or nervous condition,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32that you now leave the room.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Alphonse The Amazing and Valeria
0:20:35 > 0:20:38cannot be responsible for what happens next.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40ALL: Ooh!
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Very well.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Without further ado, may I present to you
0:20:45 > 0:20:47the rarest of magical antiquities,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50handed down to Houdini himself,
0:20:50 > 0:20:53by the ancient conjurers of Timbuktu.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Feast your eyes upon The Cabinet...
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Of Doom!
0:20:59 > 0:21:04DRUMROLL AND APPLAUSE
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Right, well...
0:21:10 > 0:21:12you've got a severe chest infection,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15so they're going to keep you in overnight for observation
0:21:15 > 0:21:18and give you some antibiotics.
0:21:18 > 0:21:22But the swelling in your leg, well, that's just down to inactivity.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23You're simply not getting about enough.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Anything else?
0:21:25 > 0:21:26It's good news, Auntie.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29When you're ready,
0:21:29 > 0:21:32we'll talk about how to get you moving a bit more.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33But I promise you,
0:21:33 > 0:21:36there will be no salsa classes, and no bingo.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Really?
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Ah. I thought I'd feel something.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44That I'd know when he'd gone.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49Something just switches and tells you.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53But no...
0:21:53 > 0:21:55No. Even now,
0:21:55 > 0:22:00I think, you know, the phone, the door...
0:22:00 > 0:22:01it's him.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06With a bunch of daffs that he's nicked from the park.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I know we got off to a bit of a bad start...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Mm? ..but, if you want someone to light that candle,
0:22:13 > 0:22:15just for tonight, while you're here,
0:22:15 > 0:22:17only if you want someone to.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Oh, that's kind of you.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Thank you.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24I'll be back in the morning, OK?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I'm sorry...
0:22:30 > 0:22:33..that I threw the pot plant at you.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43Heading back? Yeah.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47You probably need a lift there, right?
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Oh, yeah. Of course. Thanks.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Sorry I keep burdening you like this.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54It's my pleasure. Well, I mean...
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I don't mind. No problem.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59BOTH: So...
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Ladies first.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06Well, I wasn't... It was, er...
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Do you like pizza? It's literally my favourite food.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Really? Is that stupid?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15No, no. I know a brill place. My treat.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17You sure?
0:23:17 > 0:23:18Well, it's brill for Letherbridge.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21I've probably over-sold it now.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23You get unlimited fizzy drinks. You can mix them at the machine,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25if you like that sort of thing.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27It sounds perfect.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Well, if we get there before seven, you get the garlic bread for free.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34Lead the way.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38MEREDITH GASPS
0:23:38 > 0:23:41It's a precious thing, isn't it?
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Yes.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49You too?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:02 > 0:24:06Ladies and gentleman, we have reached the denouement
0:24:06 > 0:24:08of the greatest show on earth.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12The part where I, The Amazing Alfonse...
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Alfonse The Amazing. Yeah, whatever.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18..where I shall cut my glamorous assistant Valeria...
0:24:18 > 0:24:21Hello! Hello! Say hello to Valeria.
0:24:21 > 0:24:26..into roughly equal size parts, using...a chainsaw!
0:24:26 > 0:24:29CHAINSAW ROARS AND WHOOPING
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Now, unfortunately,
0:24:30 > 0:24:34health and safety dictates that I must ask you,
0:24:34 > 0:24:36is there a doctor in the house?
0:24:36 > 0:24:37LAUGHTER
0:24:37 > 0:24:40We laugh, but...but I'm serious.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42What you are about to see
0:24:42 > 0:24:45will chill your very blood.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Ladies and gentlemen...
0:24:47 > 0:24:48DRUMROLL
0:24:48 > 0:24:51..The Cabinet Of Doom.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52ALL: Ooh!
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Ooh!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58With the first blade,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01I cut her...in twain.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04VALERIE SCREAMS Oh!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06VALERIE LAUGHS
0:25:06 > 0:25:07Sorry. Couldn't resist.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10LAUGHTER
0:25:10 > 0:25:12With the second bl... VALERIE LAUGHS
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Valerie...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Valerie, what do you think you're playing at?
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Come on. It's just a bit of excitement. But you're spoiling the suspense.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27It was getting a bit boring.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Boring? I was about to use a chainsaw! OK. But I just wanted...
0:25:32 > 0:25:33Where was I?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37With the second blade,
0:25:37 > 0:25:40she'll never rise again! ALL: Ooh!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43APPLAUSE
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Now, where did I put my chainsaw?
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Ooh!
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Oh, no.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Valerie.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Val, are you all right? That wasn't supposed to happen.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Check that she's all right.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00ALL: She's gone.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01DRUMROLL
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Ta-da!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06Is THIS your card?!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:12 > 0:26:13# It's a kind of magic
0:26:17 > 0:26:19# It's a kind of magic
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# Magic, magic, magic... #
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Your solicitor can tell the court to go stuff it!
0:26:29 > 0:26:32Show some common sense, man!
0:26:32 > 0:26:35You're a nurse, you're meant to take care of people that are sick.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37She's not sick, she's selfish.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40She's going to drink herself to death if we just leave her.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42No, no, no! Damn it!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Can't leave Adam with him.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Martin!
0:26:46 > 0:26:48There's no sign!