0:00:27 > 0:00:31MUSIC: Ooh La La by Goldfrapp
0:00:31 > 0:00:37# Dial up my number now
0:00:37 > 0:00:43# Weaving it through the wire
0:00:44 > 0:00:46# Switch me on
0:00:48 > 0:00:49# Turn me up
0:00:51 > 0:00:56# Don't want it Baudelaire Just glitter lust
0:00:58 > 0:01:00# Switch me on
0:01:01 > 0:01:03# Turn me up
0:01:04 > 0:01:06# I want to touch you
0:01:06 > 0:01:10# You're just made for love. #
0:01:12 > 0:01:14APPLAUSE
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Welcome. Welcome, everybody.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Welcome, ladies and gentlemen of the press
0:01:19 > 0:01:21and, of course, Letherbridge FM.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Thank you all so much for coming,
0:01:23 > 0:01:25thank you for giving up your lunch time,
0:01:25 > 0:01:29and thank you for your generous support.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32We have already managed to achieve, through our sponsors,
0:01:32 > 0:01:37wait for it, an eye-watering £4,000.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43An incredible achievement,
0:01:43 > 0:01:46but we are going to add even more to that total by giving you
0:01:46 > 0:01:51our blood, sweat and tears in a gruelling one and a half hour
0:01:51 > 0:01:55cycling competition between myself, Dr Daniel Granger
0:01:55 > 0:01:57and Dr Sid Vere.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Good luck, Dr Vere!
0:02:01 > 0:02:05You will see, in front of our bikes, collection buckets.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07We'd love you to give generously.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Tweet about us! Get your friends down here
0:02:09 > 0:02:14and support this fantastic cause - Hodgkin lymphoma.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19If I'm honest, I didn't know much about this disease a few weeks ago.
0:02:19 > 0:02:25Now I know a lot, and I can tell you that 80% of people
0:02:25 > 0:02:29diagnosed are still alive after ten years.
0:02:29 > 0:02:35So, let's raise some money and help make that 100%, yes?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38All right, guys. Time to get on your bikes.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41Are you OK?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I feel awful.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Don't be. Everyone's glad to be here.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48No. I feel awful.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Oh, she's going to sick.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53So will these three after an hour and a half of this.
0:02:53 > 0:02:59Five, four, three, two, one!
0:02:59 > 0:03:00And they're off!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Whoohoo!
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Hour and a half?!
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Val?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19SHE VOMITS
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Someone tell Mickey Mouse down here it's a marathon, not a sprint.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27Don't worry about him. He'll never sustain it.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Keep it up, boys. Good work.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Ridiculous.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Well, it's for a good cause!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33It'll put me right off my focaccia.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- I quite like a man in Lycra.- Really?
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Yeah, not as much as a man in a bowtie, though.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Oh, very funny.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41I'm sorry, Sally, I don't know.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44I wasn't working this morning. Hang on. Heston?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I'm not here. I'm out to lunch.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50I can see that. You enjoyed the concert then?
0:03:50 > 0:03:51I'll talk to you later.
0:03:51 > 0:03:52I look forward to it.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Who is it?
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Nicola Renshaw's daughter. Did Nicola turn up for her appointment?
0:03:57 > 0:03:59No, she didn't. I'm off.
0:03:59 > 0:04:04Sorry, Sally, your mum didn't turn up. Is there a problem?
0:04:04 > 0:04:08I'm supposed to be meeting her and Dad for lunch, but they're not here.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Where are you?
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Place we meet just off junction ten.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14It's like a touch base. I drive up, they drive down.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15'Have you rung them?'
0:04:15 > 0:04:17They're not picking up. Something's wrong.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I'm sure everything will be fine.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21It's Max's birthday.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- 'Oh.' - They wouldn't miss it.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Um... I'm leaving work soon.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Do you want me to pop in and check on them?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you, Karen.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- I'm sure everything will be OK. - 'Bye.'
0:04:36 > 0:04:40I'm not depressed. I just feel rough.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Stomach-churningly rough.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Nice.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45But I'm taking my mind off it.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46What're you doing?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48I'm picking songs for my funeral.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51What?! Put that away now. Not depressed?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54- I put a fiver in your bucket. - A fiver!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I was feeling generous. Wish I could take it back now.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Well, it's all for a good cause. And it's not depressing.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I've been planning my funeral for ages,
0:05:03 > 0:05:05years before I got ill.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09The cancer's sort of nudged it up the agenda.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11I don't believe you sometimes, Valerie.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13It's good to be prepared.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15So what's on your list, then?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Take My Breath Away.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18Berlin?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20No, the Ricky Delaine cover!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22How do you know about Berlin? You're far too young.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Top Gun's in my top five '80s films.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26What else is on your list, then?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Well, I do have a backup.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Go on.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Hello?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Anybody home?
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Hello?
0:05:46 > 0:05:50Oh, Nicola! Nicola.
0:05:50 > 0:05:51Nicola!
0:05:51 > 0:05:57Hello, Nicola. It's OK, it's me, Karen.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58- Karen?- Yeah.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59Karen.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Are you all right? Sally asked me to pop in.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05The door was open. I just... Are you OK?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Frank's gone.- What?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09I woke up and he went.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13He left everything and he's just gone. I've been here for hours.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15We're supposed to be meeting Sally.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- Sally's coming up. She's on her way. - Is she?- Yeah.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20That's good. That's great.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Why didn't you call for help?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Cos I dropped the phone down there. Stupid MS hands.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Oh!
0:06:29 > 0:06:34Look, I want you to call Sally now and tell her you're OK.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I'm not OK, though, am I, Karen?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I'm a grown woman sat in my own pee.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I've been here for hours and my husband's vanished.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50# Reach for the stars Follow your heart's desire
0:06:50 > 0:06:52# Reach for the stars
0:06:52 > 0:06:57# And when that rainbow's shining over you
0:06:57 > 0:07:00# That's when your dreams will all come true. #
0:07:00 > 0:07:04OK, I think the cycling has opened a portal to an alternative universe.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05S-Club 7 isn't alternative.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08It's about as mainstream as you can get.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10It might be mainstream, but it is brilliant.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11I am an S-Club convert.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14I'm going back to the Lycra. Throw up less.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16What are you two doing?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19We are planning my funeral. S-Club is part of the plan.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Can I get a rewind?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Are you seriously considering
0:07:23 > 0:07:26using the 7 of S-Club as your goodbye to the world?
0:07:26 > 0:07:27- Yeah.- It's her funeral!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Literally.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30What, too far, crossed a line?
0:07:30 > 0:07:34No, I love S-Club. Besides, they're just my backup plan.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Ricky Delaine is my number one top choice.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- Ricky who?- Ricky Delaine!
0:07:39 > 0:07:44Only the multi award winning Broadway star, West End star
0:07:44 > 0:07:46and my absolute all time favourite Raoul.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Phantom Of The Opera.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52OK, I've nothing against Delaine per se.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56But, come on, Valerie, there are so many artists, so many great songs.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Like what?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- Going Underground by...- The Jam.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01- Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by...- Platters.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06- And my personal favourite - Another One Bites The Dust by...- Queen.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Can't you two take anything seriously?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10No, I don't think so.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13This was a grown-up conversation before you two arrived.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15You were the ones singing S-Club 7.
0:08:15 > 0:08:20Picture this. My friends all gather. Bright colours, please.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21No black.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25There have been eulogies and stories of times shared.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Nothing maudlin. Just moments of joy.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I might even do a quiz - I haven't worked out all the details yet.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34Then, as the coffin goes in - the funeral place near me
0:08:34 > 0:08:38does an eco-package - as the coffin goes in,
0:08:38 > 0:08:42everyone reads from the song sheets provided.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48"There's a place waiting just for you
0:08:48 > 0:08:53"It's a special place where your dreams all come true
0:08:53 > 0:08:57"Fly away Swim the ocean blue
0:08:57 > 0:09:03"Drive that open road Leave the past behind you."
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Boom! I am going to have the best funeral ever.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I'm in here, somewhere.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Here we go.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Thanks, Karen.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18I wouldn't have wanted Sally to see me like that.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Oh, she wouldn't care.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23I know. I just normally... Frank does it for me.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Hm. What's happened?
0:09:27 > 0:09:28We've had a row.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30I'm sorry.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31It's all right.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32What was it about?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36What we always row about - Max.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Immie still talks about him.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43It's three years now. And with this...
0:09:44 > 0:09:48..it's too much. Frank can't cope.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50He's on anti-depressants.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52I didn't know.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54No, it's all right.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57He's done a bunk. I would if I could.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59DOOR OPENS
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Frank?
0:10:01 > 0:10:02I think it's probably Sally.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04The calm before the storm.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06- Mum?- In here, love.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Are you all right?
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- Yeah, I'm fine.- Hey, Karen.- Hey.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Where the hell is he? How dare he do this?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16It's been a rough time for him.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19It's been a tough time for all of us!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22But...he's been working flat out, looking after me.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25It's no excuse! It's his guilt and you're paying the price.
0:10:25 > 0:10:30- Sally? Let's go and make your mum a cup of tea. Yeah?- Yeah.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39Five, four, three, two, one! Stop peddling!
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I am so proud of you all. Thank you so much.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Who won?- I don't know.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I believe that they are all winners.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53I think we have raised a phenomenal amount of money today!
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Mrs Tembe is quite right.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57We are all winners,
0:10:57 > 0:10:59and so is the charity.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02But who'd like to know who really won?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- Yes!- I loved that. I was listening to Kate Bush!
0:11:05 > 0:11:07OK.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11In third place with a very measly 46.3 kilometres is...
0:11:13 > 0:11:15..Dr Daniel Granger.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- What?!- In second place... Actually, we're going to skip second place
0:11:19 > 0:11:21otherwise it will give away first.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24So we'll go straight to first place.
0:11:24 > 0:11:28With an enormous 48.9 kilometres,
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Dr Sid Vere!
0:11:40 > 0:11:44# I'm cycling up that hill Cycling up that hill. #
0:11:44 > 0:11:46That's what five years younger does for you.
0:11:46 > 0:11:50- Congratulations, Sid.- Thank you.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Thank you.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Thank you to everyone that's given to this charity.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58And thanks to Mum for lending me her bike!
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Can I take a photo?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Yeah, certainly. Come on, lads, let's have you!
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Right. Hang on, hang on. Be strong.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15I miss him sometimes, you know.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16He's your brother.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18He was a pain in the butt.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22Well, aren't they all? You should hear Immie about Jack.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24But I hated him sometimes.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28He didn't mean to hurt you. He was ill.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I know.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33And I saw him go through the treatment and I saw him
0:12:33 > 0:12:36go through the counselling and I saw him take the pills.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37But it just wasn't enough.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43Sometimes there'd be a glimmer of the old Max I knew.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47The Max that could make me laugh more than anyone else could.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50And then he'd just disappear again.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Why are you so angry with your dad?
0:12:55 > 0:12:58He let Max down. He let us all down.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00How?
0:13:03 > 0:13:07That Christmas, when Max turned up unannounced, looking like...
0:13:07 > 0:13:09I don't know what.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12He had been sleeping rough, and he had been off his medication,
0:13:12 > 0:13:13I'm sure of that.
0:13:15 > 0:13:20We were all sat round the table, about to pull the Christmas crackers
0:13:20 > 0:13:22and Max tells us he wanted to kill himself.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Just like that.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Mum was upset.
0:13:31 > 0:13:35I should have hugged him.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37But Dad lost it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42He blew up. "How can you think of killing yourself?
0:13:42 > 0:13:45"Suicide is not an option. It's immoral. It's selfish."
0:13:48 > 0:13:50I can still see Max's face.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57He said, "Dad, I can't remember what happiness is."
0:14:00 > 0:14:04And Dad said, "It's against God's will!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09"You will not bring shame on this family." And he stormed out.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15The next day, Max was gone.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20He'd taken Mum's sleeping tablets.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23He died alone.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Come here, you.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Ooh. Icky moment. Hold on.
0:14:34 > 0:14:39You go and rest. I will deal with those in a moment.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40I will rest when I'm dead.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Joke.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Valerie, may I have a word, please?
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Why?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49My office, now.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58My pills, Sally. My pills have gone...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00What has?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02My sleeping pills. Your dad's taken them.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04- Why would he do that?- I don't know.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Well, what do we do?
0:15:06 > 0:15:07- Call the police.- Really?
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Ye... Your dad's gone! The pills have gone! Call them.
0:15:10 > 0:15:15- Where are you going?- I'm going to call you if I find anything out.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Yes, hello.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Yes. I want to report a missing person.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24My dad. The Reverend Frank Renshaw.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29Am I in trouble?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31No.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35So, what are we doing here?
0:15:35 > 0:15:36I've got tidying up to do.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37I think you're marvellous...
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- Thanks.- I hadn't finished yet.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- Sorry.- I think you're marvellous how you're dealing with your illness,
0:15:43 > 0:15:45but you're treading a thin line...
0:15:45 > 0:15:47What do you mean?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Joking about your death, planning your funeral.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52There's putting on a brave face and...
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Well, I don't think this is helping.
0:15:55 > 0:15:56You care.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Of course I care!
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Well, that's lovely. But mind your own business.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Sorry?
0:16:03 > 0:16:07Look, I felt really ill this morning
0:16:07 > 0:16:09and I'll probably feel terrible tomorrow.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13But right now, at this moment, I feel great.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16I've had a brilliant day.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19The bike ride, the people. It's all a distraction.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22And planning my funeral is fun.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25It's not like I'm ever going to get to plan a wedding, is it?
0:16:25 > 0:16:26You might.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Well, it's not likely.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32It's not like I've got a string of men banging down my door, is it?
0:16:32 > 0:16:36And if I can't plan my wedding, I'm going to plan my funeral.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38And at least I know I'll turn up.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Howard's funeral was very moving.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45I wish I'd been there.
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- I could have picked up some tips. - Yes. Don't tell Emma.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51No, you're probably right.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Look, just wait, my funeral is going to be amazing.
0:16:56 > 0:16:57I'll wait.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Well, you might have to.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18CHURCH BELLS CHIME
0:17:30 > 0:17:31Well?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34£217.53p.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Kerching!
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Right, I'll take this to Mr Harker
0:17:38 > 0:17:40and you make the tea.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Second thoughts, you take it.
0:17:41 > 0:17:42I'll make the tea.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Ginger nuts. Bottom cupboard.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Oh. It's a lot of money in here!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52You made today about you, when it wasn't.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56It was about the Mill. It was about Valerie.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57You're right. I'm so sorry.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59You're either part of this team or you're not.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02It won't happen again. I promise.
0:18:02 > 0:18:03I hope not.
0:18:03 > 0:18:08And that stunt - kissing me before jumping on top of me and Daniel.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Don't do it again.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Karen. What are you doing here?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50KNOCKING
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Hey, Mrs Tembe. How can I help?
0:18:53 > 0:18:58There is no easy way to say this.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04- Are you having any problems with Mr Harker?- What?
0:19:04 > 0:19:07If you are, you know that you can talk to me.
0:19:07 > 0:19:08I am here for you.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10What are you talking about Mrs, Tembe?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12It's just that he has his own particular way of doing things.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16Sometimes he can be very... controlling.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19I heard him talking to you in his office.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23You heard him tear a strip off me?
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Yes.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28He was just annoyed because I took attention away from the reason
0:19:28 > 0:19:31we were raising money - the charity.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34He was right. I was off point.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36No, I think it was more than that.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39It wasn't. Look, Mrs Tembe,
0:19:39 > 0:19:43I've worked in places that don't have Anthony's vision.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45His standards. We're lucky to have him.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48None of us should be resting on our laurels.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50I needed pulling up. I deserved it.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52No! No, you did not!
0:19:54 > 0:19:58When you were having your picture taken, he recoiled.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59I saw him.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03And then in the office, he said he did not want you touching him.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07What are saying, Mrs Tembe?
0:20:07 > 0:20:11I think the reason he did not want you touching him is because...
0:20:11 > 0:20:14because...well, because...
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Mrs Tembe, he recoiled because he thought
0:20:16 > 0:20:21I was acting like an over-excited teenager, which I probably was.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Well, you are right.
0:20:26 > 0:20:32Look, thank you for looking out for me, but I am a big boy.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37Yes. Yes, yes, of course. I am very sorry.
0:20:37 > 0:20:44Don't apologise. Don't worry either, OK? There's no need to.
0:20:44 > 0:20:49Please, just forget that we ever had this conversation.
0:20:51 > 0:20:54Once again, I am so sorry.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- The police are looking for you.- Why?
0:21:03 > 0:21:07Because you disappeared and you took Nicola's sleeping pills!
0:21:07 > 0:21:10I left her phone. I thought she'd ring Sally,
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- call the agency.- She dropped it.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20I... I needed time to myself.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24I took the pills because I was afraid of what she might do.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28She was so upset. I wasn't thinking straight.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Is she all right?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33She's worried. As is Sally,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35who has driven up.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Has she?- Yes.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42We used to picnic here on Sundays after the service.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47The kids used to love running between the trees.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50This is where they found Max.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53I know. Rob told me.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I see him all the time,
0:21:55 > 0:21:56lying here.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02For a long time, I thought he chose this spot to punish me.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Frank, you can't feel guilty.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08I don't.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Not any more.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Max never told any of us that he loved us, did he?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17No.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19It doesn't mean he didn't.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23We were the ones he came back to, after all.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31His life was a very dark place.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Your dad told him he loved him very much.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39As we all did.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46I told him something last night. It's why he's disappeared.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52After the argument with Max, I had to get away.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I sat in my car, listening to music.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I was so confused.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01I could see his pain, but I couldn't help.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03I felt useless.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05I loved him.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07I wanted to tell him.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09Well, why didn't you?
0:23:09 > 0:23:10I tried.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13I went back in, but he was in bed, asleep.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15I could have woken him.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18I could have told him that I loved him,
0:23:18 > 0:23:20that I would never be ashamed of him.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22That he was my son. I just wanted him to be all right,
0:23:22 > 0:23:25that we were going to get him more help. But I didn't.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29I've lived with that every day.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31I'm so sorry.
0:23:32 > 0:23:37It's all right. Last night, Nicola told me something.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44I lay on Max's bed, cuddling him. The longest time.
0:23:45 > 0:23:51He didn't say anything, then out of the blue, he asked,
0:23:51 > 0:23:54could I go on living,
0:23:54 > 0:23:57knowing what was going to happen to me in the end?
0:24:00 > 0:24:03I told him that I loved life, no matter what.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06And I meant it. I still do.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09But he didn't understand.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14I could see that nothing I said made any sense to him.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17I told him that I couldn't imagine what his life was like.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22That Dad never meant the things he said.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25That he would never be ashamed of him.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27That none of us were.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31That we all loved him very much.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36And he turned to me
0:24:36 > 0:24:40and he said, "Mum, I'm going to make everything all right."
0:24:47 > 0:24:49She thought he meant it was going to be all right
0:24:49 > 0:24:51because he was going to let us help him.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55But he didn't. He knew what he wanted.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58I think it's why he came home.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Nicola has felt guilty about that conversation every day.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07It's why she never told me. Until last night.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12It's why I left. I needed time.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14How do you feel now?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I wish he wasn't dead.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24I wish he hadn't died on his own like that.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28It was such a waste.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30But he knew we were there for him.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33He knew.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43I think maybe he chose this spot because it reminded him of us,
0:25:43 > 0:25:45of happier times,
0:25:45 > 0:25:49of being a kid, running among the leaves.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55It's a beautiful spot.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59It is, isn't it?
0:26:02 > 0:26:08# When the world leaves you feeling blue. #
0:26:08 > 0:26:11VOMITING
0:26:11 > 0:26:15# When the world leaves you feeling blue
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# You can count on me
0:26:18 > 0:26:22# I will be there for you
0:26:22 > 0:26:28# When it seems all your hopes and dreams
0:26:28 > 0:26:30# Are a million miles away
0:26:30 > 0:26:34# I will reassure you
0:26:34 > 0:26:37# We've got to all stick together
0:26:37 > 0:26:40# Good friends are there for each other
0:26:40 > 0:26:45# Never, ever forget that I got you
0:26:45 > 0:26:47# And you got me
0:26:47 > 0:26:51# So reach for the stars
0:26:51 > 0:26:54# Climb every mountain higher
0:26:54 > 0:26:56# Reach for the stars... #
0:26:58 > 0:27:00How did you know Patrick?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03We were neighbours.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Parkvale or Bakerville?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Bakerville?
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Every time I click on Colin's Calendars I go to a site
0:27:08 > 0:27:10that says Callum's Colanders.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Have you spelt it right?
0:27:12 > 0:27:13I checked it five times.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14It's written on the back.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Niamh's going to ask her mum if she can go home to visit.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18To Ireland?
0:27:18 > 0:27:19- That's where they live.- Oh!