0:00:26 > 0:00:31Get away from me! Go on, get out of this house!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Out! And don't come back!
0:00:32 > 0:00:34I'm so sorry!
0:00:36 > 0:00:39And don't you dare send anyone else around here, do you hear me?!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- Interfering with me!- Mother, there was no need for that...
0:00:49 > 0:00:51- Don't you "mother" me.- ..whatsoever!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55- Mum?- I don't want strangers mauling me about!
0:00:55 > 0:00:56She was only trying to wash you.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58I don't need washing, thank you very much!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00That's what they get paid for.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- They can keep their filthy hands to themselves!- But you can't manage!
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Well, I've got YOU for that, haven't I?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Mum, I can't do everything!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- There's no point you being here, then!- I'm sorry?
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Letting every Tom, Dick and Harry paw your own mother about!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Lazy and selfish, that's what you are!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20I might as well die now and be done with it, save you all the trouble!
0:01:23 > 0:01:27- I'm quite looking forward to this. - Mm. All right for some.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29I'm developing quite a palate.
0:01:29 > 0:01:32ZARA LAUGHS Well, don't develop it too much.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35There's a real art in gin-tasting, OK?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Isn't there a name for that type of artist?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39All the different notes, different blends.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42I dread to think. It's going to become all Hogarthian.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44It's going to be civilised, trust me.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46For the first half-hour.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Oh, come on. You like Anthony, don't you?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Of course. I'm sure you'll have a lovely time.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51We will, thank you.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55While I'm watching Danger Mouse with Joe, again!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57DANIEL CHUCKLES
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I don't know why you have to use so much of that stuff.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Elbow grease, that's what you need.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Not half a bottle of liquid!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Mum, what is it you want?
0:02:08 > 0:02:09What do you think? Look at the time.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I can't be sitting here all night!
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Your glass of wine?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Well, it's not too much to ask, is it?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17The last little pleasure I've got in life!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19That was half full last night.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21No, it wasn't!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Mum, I might be stupid, according to you, but I'm not blind.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- Oh! Right!- Oh, what now?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- I will not stand here being accused! - Where are you going?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30To the shops! You know I can't sleep without it!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- You're not even supposed to be drinking!- Not that you care!
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Mum, will you just stop, please?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Life's not worth living, stuck in here, being bossed about
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- by my own child!- Just shut up!
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Oh!
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- Helen!- No. That's it, I'm finished!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48No, wait a minute!
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- Floral botanicals.- Sorry?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55- It's the flavourings used during the distilling process.- A-ha.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59There's juniper berries, of course. Er...citrus, pine
0:02:59 > 0:03:03and then more subtle notes of rosemary, thyme, pepper, lemongrass.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- I'll let you know.- It's made quite a revival over recent years.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- Sure has. - They call it the new whisky.
0:03:08 > 0:03:09It's a shame you can't join us.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Yes, Ruhma's booked tickets for some comedian.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Who's that?- Guzzy, um...Brown, or someone.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Oh. I'm sure you'll have a good time.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Can't beat a good laugh.- Cheers.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Sorry. I'm not late, am I?
0:03:37 > 0:03:38That's nice.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40That? Oh, I just wear it for work.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Have you seen this?
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Well, yours isn't too shabby.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Well, I saw it and thought, why not?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Well, exactly, why not?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I just use my phone.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Sid, it's not just for telling the time, it's a statement.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54What of?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57I worry about him.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Watch and learn.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02SID LAUGHS WATCH and learn. D'you get it?
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Hm.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Wait!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Stop!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Oh, thanks a lot.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23PHONE RINGS
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- Hi, Emma. - Hi. Niamh, look, I'm really sorry.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Oh, it's OK, I just got here myself.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit late.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- Oh?- They need me to cover here for another couple of hours.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Well, how long? - Um...well, I don't know.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- I suppose I could be there about 8:00.- I'm sat here now.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Well, would you rather that we just left it?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Emma!- Look, I'm really sorry.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49You don't understand, I've left my mother at home.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52- Come on.- She's very ill! - Is that right?- Yes, it is!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Then why were you out stealing four boxes of tablets, then?
0:05:12 > 0:05:13It's nothing.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15How did it happen, Helen?
0:05:15 > 0:05:17It doesn't matter. I just need to get home.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Is Carol not very well?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Well, you know she isn't.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23What happened with the tablets?
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I don't know what I'm doing half the time.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28What do you mean?
0:05:28 > 0:05:29I'm so tired.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32I'm just up half the night, fetching and carrying.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Is that why you forgot to pay for them?
0:05:34 > 0:05:36I suppose so.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Can't we just tell him I made a mistake?
0:05:38 > 0:05:42- I'm sorry, that's not up to me. - Look, there's no need for this.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43I've just been stupid, that's all.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- What were they for? - Headaches. I get them all the time.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Really?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Is it any wonder, waiting on her hand and foot?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Not that I get any thanks for it.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I'm just surprised that you didn't come to see me.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Well, chance would be a fine thing, to go anywhere!
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- Carol has carers, doesn't she? - And they never last a week.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01- Can you blame them?- Why not?
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Well, you know what she's like. No-one can stand her!
0:06:06 > 0:06:08I'm not sure even I can any more.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Now, that is an Old Tom.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Yeah. Sweeter than the London.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Softer, I'd say. Not quite so, um...
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Quite so dry.- Mm. Definitely.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- See, for me, it's all about the corporates.- Yeah.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26You build up a loyalty, get them through the door.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28We are still talking about the practice, right?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Go after the big local firms, lots of employees.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Or we could take it to them. Clinics, vaccinations.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34We're stretched enough as it is, though.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36And that's the point! Expansion.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39The more patients you have, the more clinical staff, the more returns.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Simple as. I should run that by Jimmi.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Good luck with that.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46He doesn't like change?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Er...well, you know, OCD issues.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- How does he manage that?- He's a lot better than he used to be.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Right, erm...Jenever, anyone?
0:06:56 > 0:07:01Mm! The original Dutch courage.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- You should save that for last, then. - Eh?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Before you go home...to Zara.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11What's that supposed to mean?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I was only joking.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- His face. - THEY LAUGH
0:07:26 > 0:07:27If you can sign there, please?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30It's to say that you've admitted the offence of shoplifting
0:07:30 > 0:07:31and accepted a police caution,
0:07:31 > 0:07:34which will be kept on our records. Thank you, Ms Warnock.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37- Helen, are you all right? - What do you think?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45- What do you reckon?- I think she's at the end of her tether.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- Are you sure we're in the right place?- Just relax.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52We haven't wandered into a student common room by mistake?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Heston!- Who are we seeing again?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I told you, he's called Guzzy Bear.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Guzzy Bear.- I thought exactly the same when Shak first mentioned him.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02And how old was Shak at the time?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04He's good. Just relax.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Yes, but will I like him?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Oh, you are such a stick-in-the-mud, aren't you?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Well, I feel out of place by about 30 years.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15OK, do you want a drink, something to just relax you?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Oh, a gin and tonic wouldn't go amiss.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Come on, we'd better hurry up.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20Maybe it's my stance.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22I bet it's your grip. Too tight.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24- You think? - Yeah. Tensing up, trying too hard.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Oh. OK.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- You wouldn't have to with her. - Ahhhh!
0:08:31 > 0:08:36Focus, gentlemen. Now, this bad boy is Navy strength.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Are we sure?- Yep.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Poor old Heston. He'd have loved this, eh?
0:08:43 > 0:08:46- Why didn't he come? - Under the thumb, mate, already.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Ruhma's all right, though, isn't she?
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- Best thing that could've happened. - How come?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Well, he's been through it, one way or another.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54In what way?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Where do you want to start? Heart problems, depression.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58He almost quit.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Yeah. Poor guy.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Perhaps I could help him out with that.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Ease the old workload a bit.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Ah, that's a nice thought.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I do love that about the Mill, you know,
0:09:08 > 0:09:11how everyone looks out for each other, pulls together.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13I'll drink to that.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16It's never easy starting out, is it?
0:09:16 > 0:09:20- Oof!- Zara's all right with this, then, you out with the chaps?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Never a problem. You?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I just tell her it's team building, mate. Free pass.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26- THEY LAUGH - Classic!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28You two are something else.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31It's about laying down the ground rules right off the bat. Am I right?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Tell Biglow that.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Oh, dear!
0:09:35 > 0:09:39There was once this study involving Barbary macaques, all right?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- What?- Apes, or monkeys.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Anyway, they proved that the males showed reduced stress levels
0:09:45 > 0:09:47when they're away from the females and the young.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- Well, especially the young. - DANIEL LAUGHS
0:09:50 > 0:09:52It's called the social-buffering hypothesis.
0:09:52 > 0:09:53- Seriously?- Yeah!
0:09:53 > 0:09:57They're actually at their happiest when they're out with the lads.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Here's to the monkeys.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01To the monkeys!
0:10:02 > 0:10:05TV IS ON
0:10:47 > 0:10:48Can I have a... Hm!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Hm! Sorry.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- Are you all right?- Yeah, I'm fine.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56You don't sound it. Can we get a glass of water, please?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58- HE COUGHS - Are you choking?
0:10:58 > 0:10:59No, I'm fine.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01All right, hold still. Hold still.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02HE COUGHS
0:11:02 > 0:11:04OK. Don't panic.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06HE COUGHS
0:11:07 > 0:11:08That get it?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Ah! Yeah, I'm fine!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14A-hem! It's a peanut.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Are you allergic?
0:11:16 > 0:11:18No, no, it just... Thank you.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23Ah! It just went down the wrong way.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25- Oh!- Ah!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Don't you just hate it when that happens?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29HE COUGHS
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Ah!
0:11:33 > 0:11:36TV IS ON
0:11:36 > 0:11:37Mum?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Come on. Bedtime.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Where's my drink?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Here it is.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Night, Mum.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Sorry about that.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Are you all right now?
0:12:09 > 0:12:11A little bit embarrassing.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13It was a bit. Sorry about the...
0:12:13 > 0:12:15No, no. Thanks for your help.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Can I get you a drink?- What?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22It's the least I can do for saving my life.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Yeah, right(!)
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Or are you waiting for someone? - No. No.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28So, what can I get you?
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I'm...I'm fine, actually.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32OK.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35No, what I mean is I have a whole bottle of wine...
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Nearly a whole... I have half a bottle of wine.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40So...
0:12:43 > 0:12:46And this happened yesterday?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Well, did you send anybody in their place?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52No, I, er...I know the mother can be difficult.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Right, well, I'll, um...speak to the daughter, OK?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Late-night pharmacy on Trewberry Road.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00A woman's just been seen legging it with loads of painkillers.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- Not Helen Warnock? - Fits the description.- Oh!
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- Look, we're just along here.- Eh?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- What's wrong now? - We're right on the stage.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14You get what you pay for.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16I have a feeling I'm going to be paying for it.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19You need to just loosen up a little.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20And chill out.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Well, it wouldn't hurt.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23I don't feel very chilled at the moment.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27That's good because you don't look it. You look hot and flustered.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29I feel about 500 years old.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31There's loads of people our age here.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Yeah, they were dropping their kids off.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- Leave it alone! - I look ridiculous!- Leave it!
0:13:36 > 0:13:39Give it up for Guzzy Bear!
0:13:39 > 0:13:41APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Yes, the Letherbridge crew, wa gwan with you?
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Everybody feeling all right? - AUDIENCE: Yeah!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Can you have a little brap for me, please?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51- AUDIENCE: Brap!- Yes, you...
0:13:53 > 0:13:55(Guys, just keep your voice down,
0:13:55 > 0:13:57(there's an elderly man on the front row.)
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Hello, sir, how are you? Are you OK, yeah?
0:13:59 > 0:14:01You know where you are?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Stand-up comedian in a comedy club. No need to be alarmed.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- LAUGHTER - OK.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Let me translate for your purposes what I said when I came out.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10I said, Letherbridge Crew, wa gwan with you?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13And I think you'd probably say that, like, er...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Good evening, and how the devil are you, buddy?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Ah.- Is that OK, yeah? - LAUGHTER
0:14:17 > 0:14:19You see what I'm saying, yeah? OK.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Security, just keep an eye on Doctor Who, in case my man keels over.
0:14:22 > 0:14:23I'm only mucking about!
0:14:23 > 0:14:27So, listen, Letherbridge Crew, are you all right, yeah?
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- AUDIENCE: Yeah! - Everybody enjoying themselves?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32I'm very new to this whole stand-up comedy thing, to be honest.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33But I'm not that nervous.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Standing here in front of you is very similar to my old job.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38I was a secondary school teacher.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40So standing here in front of you lot
0:14:40 > 0:14:42is like standing in front of my Year 9 class.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46Except for the fact that there's way more virgins in here.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47LAUGHTER
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Don't laugh, just process what I said for a minute, OK?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51The perversion levels are unreal.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Anybody got teenage kids in here?
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- Yeah.- Yeah.- Yes. - So you know what I'm saying.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57After a heavy night of internet surfing,
0:14:57 > 0:15:00there is no software that's going to sort out those viruses.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02You have to go, get a physical vaccine
0:15:02 > 0:15:03and inject it into that laptop.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05It is scary! It's horrible, man!
0:15:05 > 0:15:07LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:15:15 > 0:15:17KNOCK AT DOOR
0:15:18 > 0:15:20ROB: Mrs Warnock?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22BANGING
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Can you come to the door, please? It's the police!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29KNOCK AT DOOR Ms Warnock?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36BANGING Mrs Warnock?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Despite the way I look and the things that come out of my mouth,
0:15:39 > 0:15:43I do take this teaching thing quite seriously. Here's an example.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I had the kids lined up outside the room, it was end-of-unit assessment.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49So I said to them, "Listen, you need to take this seriously
0:15:49 > 0:15:51"because this is all about your futures.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54"Without education, you're going to find yourself in a tough place.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55"You want to be like me."
0:15:55 > 0:15:58And at this point, Tyrese pops out from the back of the queue and says,
0:15:58 > 0:16:00"You're Kanye, man, Kanye.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02"Can I call you that, by the way?" I said, "No, you can't."
0:16:02 > 0:16:06"Anyway, Kanye, yeah, this is what I'm saying to you, yeah?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09"Why are you always stressing about education?
0:16:09 > 0:16:13"I don't even know how to spell education, bruv. Listen to me now.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15"I've got a paper round and sell weed.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17"I already make more money than you."
0:16:17 > 0:16:18LAUGHTER
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Now, listen, at this point, I would have ordinarily got angry,
0:16:22 > 0:16:25but you can't get vexed at a kid for telling the truth, can you, really?
0:16:25 > 0:16:27You know what I'm saying? You can't get angry at a kid.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Oi! Yo, Doc! I forgot you were in, man!
0:16:30 > 0:16:34It's good that you're still here. I like this vibe you got going on.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36And are you here with this lovely lady?
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Er...yes.- Wa gwan, my sister?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Yeah, good to see you.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43And, Doc, are you her chaperone tonight?
0:16:43 > 0:16:48- LAUGHTER - Er...no. She's my partner.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52No way! Go on, then, my...!
0:16:52 > 0:16:54- LAUGHTER - OK, we'll work on that one, yeah?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- Go on, then, that's nice. - LAUGHTER
0:16:57 > 0:17:00UKIP are going to be enthused about this relationship.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Just be careful, you two, innit? Flipping heck!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05So, Doc, what do you actually do for a living?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Um...well, actually, yes, I am a GP.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10No way!
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Home visits must be a breeze in that TARDIS, yo!
0:17:12 > 0:17:16Ah, they are. And let's hope I don't exterminate you
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- tonight with my heckling. - Oh, my days!
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- APPLAUSE - Doc has got jokes!
0:17:21 > 0:17:25- Give him a round of applause! - APPLAUSE
0:17:25 > 0:17:27No, honestly, I came straight home.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Then how do you explain that a woman matching your description
0:17:30 > 0:17:33was seen leaving the Trewberry Road pharmacy an hour ago...
0:17:33 > 0:17:34- Are you OK, Helen?- I'm fine.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- ..with six boxes of painkillers? - I've no idea.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38- Helen?- How are the headaches?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Well, it's just one big headache, really, isn't it?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- And now I'm a criminal, as well. - Where are the pills?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- I used to have a career, you know. - Well?
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Friends, who've all run a mile... - I'm warning you.- Thanks to her.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- I'll arrest you.- My own dear mother. - I will search...
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- More you do for her, the nastier she gets.- And I'll search the house.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56You see that? It's her you should be arresting.
0:17:56 > 0:17:57For assault.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Where is she now?
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Asleep, thank goodness.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04FOOTSTEPS
0:18:10 > 0:18:11Carol?
0:18:15 > 0:18:17SHE MOANS
0:18:35 > 0:18:3615 quid a pint, it was!
0:18:36 > 0:18:38What?!
0:18:38 > 0:18:4138, one glass of champagne, Venice.
0:18:41 > 0:18:45Wow! Two brandies, Cognac, vintage, whatever,
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- in a chateau... - Yeah, yeah. How much?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50- 112!- No way!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- And Zara almost spilled hers! - THEY LAUGH
0:18:52 > 0:18:54At the end of the night, we couldn't find the room,
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- so we slept on a couch in a hallway. - THEY LAUGH
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- I slept in a tree once. - Did you?- Like the monkeys!
0:19:02 > 0:19:03THEY LAUGH
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Oh, d...! What are you doing?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- No!- It's on me. - No, no, no, no, no. No way. Um...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- Don't even think about it. - It's done!
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- Well... OK, at least take that. - Oh, thank you.- Thank you.- Thank you.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Thank you.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Actually, I woke up on a train once in Rhyl.- Ouch!
0:19:20 > 0:19:22- All my mates got off at Chester. - Did they?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Now, you see, that is where I draw the line.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- What, in Rhyl? - THEY LAUGH
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Rule number one - never leave a man behind.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Never.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Really?
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Here's to the monkeys!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38To the monkeys!
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- To the monkeys! - THEY LAUGH
0:19:43 > 0:19:45What happened to them, anyway?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47How much have you had to drink, Helen?
0:19:47 > 0:19:49I don't touch it. I never have.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Not like SHE does, knocking it back every night.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Especially after Dad left.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57He couldn't put up with her, of course, in the end.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Helen?- And my two sisters. Off like a shot, they were.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- Has she hit you like this before? - Ha! That's a new one.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- The last straw.- Helen, what have you done with the pills?
0:20:07 > 0:20:10It serves her right. She can fend for herself from now on.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12See how she likes that.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Helen? You need to tell us, Helen!
0:20:18 > 0:20:19She's taken them.
0:20:19 > 0:20:217244 to Control...
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Helen? Come on, you need to stay awake.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24See how she likes it.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Helen? Come on!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I'm so tired.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I know, but you need to stay with me. Stay with me, Helen!
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Come on, Helen, stay awake!
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Listen, man, it's been stressing me out recently, right?
0:20:38 > 0:20:41And that is that Muslims, we need to get a new PR dude, man,
0:20:41 > 0:20:44because our representation in the media is wrong!
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Are there any Muslims in the audience, by the way?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Yeah, course there is. Excellent!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50I'm not the only one getting arrested.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Makes me feel confident that someone will keep me company
0:20:52 > 0:20:55in the police car. So, this is what I'm saying,
0:20:55 > 0:20:58it's all about the representation that we get in the media, OK?
0:20:58 > 0:21:00You can picture it, whenever you flick on the news,
0:21:00 > 0:21:03they always have some expert on Islamic extremism.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Let's just play the scenario through.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07So we go live to this news studio
0:21:07 > 0:21:10and we have an expert in Islamic extremism.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15"Michael, can you give us an insight into why Islam is so dangerous?"
0:21:15 > 0:21:16Michael gets on the mic.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19"Listen, guys, this is the situation we have.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21"Islam is a very old and outdated theology
0:21:21 > 0:21:24"in which people are forced to follow it.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26"And it really needs a reform."
0:21:26 > 0:21:29You go back to the studio, you go back to the main guy and he says,
0:21:29 > 0:21:31"Listen, we now have a representative
0:21:31 > 0:21:32"from the Muslim community
0:21:32 > 0:21:35"and his name is Mobeen from Small Heath
0:21:35 > 0:21:38"and has a BTEC in GCSE PE."
0:21:38 > 0:21:40LAUGHTER
0:21:40 > 0:21:43"Mobeen, can you defend a Muslim, please?"
0:21:43 > 0:21:44"Listen, yeah, bro, I don't know
0:21:44 > 0:21:46"who this geezer on the microphone is, yeah,
0:21:46 > 0:21:47"but he is a waste, man!
0:21:47 > 0:21:50"I don't know what he's chatting on about, bro.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52"I been here for bare long, innit?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54"I integrated, but I got friends and that.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57"Nigel down at the pub, bro, I don't go to the pub, but Nigel..."
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- LAUGHTER - So it's just a relaxed thing, man.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03And listen, we need to sort out this international conflict, bro,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05because man don't want to go in Jihad, man.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I'm scared when it's Bonfire Night, let alone going on Jihad!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I get scared of them big whizzers,
0:22:10 > 0:22:13let alone going out to Iraq, or wherever it is!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- LAUGHTER - What you saying to me, bro?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Helen, stay with me.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20- What's wrong with her?!- We think she may have taken an overdose.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- What of?! - Painkillers, by the look of it.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Pain? What does she know about pain?!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27What do you think you're playing at, you stupid girl?!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Now, pull yourself together! Are you listening to me?!
0:22:30 > 0:22:31All right, that's enough!
0:22:31 > 0:22:34- Sympathy, that's all she's after. - I don't think this is helping.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Just like her father, selfish to the core!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Always has been, always will be! - Can you get her out of here?!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- I will. - She should be ashamed of herself!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44She's got her whole life ahead of her, unlike some!
0:22:44 > 0:22:47- Yeah, come on, this way. - I never thought I'd see the day.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- My own flesh and blood!- Helen?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52I've got cancer, you know, and this is how she treats me!
0:22:52 > 0:22:54- Let's go.- Her own mother!
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Helen, can you hear me?
0:23:00 > 0:23:02There, you see, I knew it!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- Go on.- I could tell.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08- Oh, stop it! - You were calm in an emergency.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10It was a peanut, not an earthquake.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14Yeah, but there was a definite professional expertise.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Ha! You should see me at work.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19I'm sure you're a very fine doctor. And I happen to know quite a few.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21And are they all propping up the bar on their own,
0:23:21 > 0:23:24- drinking wine by the bottle?- Mostly.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27You're not far off. The rest are on the gin.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29So, what do you do?
0:23:29 > 0:23:33- I'm a joiner.- That's interesting.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Be honest, you know nothing about it.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Excuse me, I'll have you know that I come from a long line of people
0:23:39 > 0:23:43who have been known to fashion gates and fences
0:23:43 > 0:23:47from bits lying around. So... Hm!
0:23:47 > 0:23:49OK, well, I think that's me.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51You're not going, are you?
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Yes, I really should.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I had quite the head start on you, remember.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- I, um...I don't suppose...?- What?
0:23:59 > 0:24:01..you want to give me your number?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Oh, in case you need your life saved again?
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Oh, you never know.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09SHE SIGHS
0:24:09 > 0:24:12So, this is all my fault, I suppose?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I'll stay with her until I can get someone in.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16I'm the one who's supposed to need looking after.
0:24:16 > 0:24:20You both do, Carol. That's what the carers are for.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Huh! Neither use nor ornament, they are.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26I don't know if they're coming or going, half the time!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Perhaps if you were a little more civil to them.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30What's the point, when I've got my own daughter?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Helen is entitled to a life.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34And what about me?!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- What life have- I- got?!
0:24:36 > 0:24:41Three children I've brought up, on my own. No carers for me.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43And is there any gratitude? Oh, no!
0:24:43 > 0:24:44Maybe you should think about why.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Cancer, I've got!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49That's no excuse for the violence.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Violence?! What a load of rubbish!
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Helen is out there now in an ambulance for one reason!
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Maybe you should stop and think about that.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03- Is she going to be all right? - I don't know.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05We'll have to see, won't we?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07She's not going to die, is she?
0:25:08 > 0:25:11I mean, I know I can be a bit hard on her sometimes.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Only sometimes?
0:25:13 > 0:25:16But that's just my way. She knows that!
0:25:16 > 0:25:20It's not like I don't love her, is it? Of course I do!
0:25:20 > 0:25:23Then you have to show her.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Look, Carol, I know this is difficult,
0:25:29 > 0:25:32but the bullying, it's got to stop.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35I'm dying!
0:25:37 > 0:25:38I know.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43But you don't want to do that alone, do you?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45SHE SOBS
0:25:46 > 0:25:48APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:25:52 > 0:25:54You know, I actually enjoyed that.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Your exterminator line, that was good.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59Maybe I should have given up the day job.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01So, what shall we do next?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- Er...rock climbing.- Why not?
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Bungee jumping?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06How about...Tuscany?
0:26:06 > 0:26:10Aw! You like that Tuscany, don't you?
0:26:10 > 0:26:12That's where I feel most alive. So?
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- What?- Well, come enjoy the villa, the food, the views.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Mm. Sounds tempting.- And?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22There's that little thing called work.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Take some time off.- And the kids.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28They're hardly small children. There must be someone they can stay with?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Mm. Maybe.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32So, is that a yes?
0:26:32 > 0:26:33I think so.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Oi-oi, steady on, Doc.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41- Exterminate! - RUHMA LAUGHS
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Pink for a girl and blue for a boy.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48SHE SOBS
0:26:48 > 0:26:49With Zara and Sid on the books,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52there's no need for you to be working here fulltime.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Are you saying I'm surplus to requirements?
0:26:54 > 0:26:57He's an expert on eating the right things during pregnancy.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59It's the way to have a healthy baby, apparently.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03I'm Courtney, here to plan every waking moment of your special day.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- Do you charge for that? - He's kidding.