One of the Lads

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0:00:26 > 0:00:27Oh, here he is.

0:00:27 > 0:00:29Right, boys.

0:00:31 > 0:00:35- So, is it Heather's hen night tonight?- Yeah.

0:00:35 > 0:00:38She and the girls are off to a spa. Loads of pampering.

0:00:38 > 0:00:40That's what she's told you. She's got you well trained.

0:00:40 > 0:00:43Ha-ha. She thinks she has. It's the other way round. I...

0:00:43 > 0:00:46MOBILE RINGS Oh, here we go.

0:00:46 > 0:00:48Hello, sweetness. How's it going?

0:00:50 > 0:00:52Yeah, I know, I know. Can't Mags sort that out?

0:00:55 > 0:00:57You need to relax, stop stressing.

0:00:57 > 0:00:59All right, I'm only trying to help.

0:01:01 > 0:01:03Yeah. All right.

0:01:03 > 0:01:05Well, don't worry about that now. We've still got the others.

0:01:05 > 0:01:08Just try and enjoy the night, yeah? It's your night.

0:01:08 > 0:01:10Try and enjoy the party.

0:01:10 > 0:01:12All right.

0:01:12 > 0:01:15Yeah. I will. I will. All right, babe.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17Bye. Bye. Bye.

0:01:17 > 0:01:20- Oh, dear. What's up?- Disaster.

0:01:20 > 0:01:23- One of the bridesmaids has got chicken pox.- How many has she got?

0:01:23 > 0:01:27- Six.- Six?!- Well, five now. It's all these little cousins.

0:01:27 > 0:01:30You leave one of them out, it's like Armageddon.

0:01:30 > 0:01:31Heather gets herself in a right state.

0:01:31 > 0:01:34I try tell her to chill, I just get my head bitten off.

0:01:34 > 0:01:36Your life for the next 50 years, mate. Get used to it.

0:01:36 > 0:01:39- It's not, is it, Sarge? - No. you won't last 50 years!

0:01:39 > 0:01:40Oi!

0:01:40 > 0:01:43- KNOCK ON DOOR - Boys? You decent? Sarge.

0:01:43 > 0:01:46- Anita!- Don't worry. I've seen it all before.

0:01:46 > 0:01:48Dave, tonight, I'm getting a taxi. Do you want to share?

0:01:48 > 0:01:51No, no. We're sorted. Best man's organising transport.

0:01:51 > 0:01:53You'll probably go to the wrong pub then.

0:01:53 > 0:01:57Guys, guys. Good news. My transfer came through today.

0:01:57 > 0:02:00I'm going to be moving to Nottingham. Same station as Heather.

0:02:00 > 0:02:03- You what?- Ah. So you are leaving us then.- Yeah.

0:02:03 > 0:02:07Saw the Super today, handed my notice in.

0:02:07 > 0:02:09I'll need a reference.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Yeah, course. Someone's got to warn them.

0:02:11 > 0:02:13Congratulations.

0:02:13 > 0:02:15Better be off.

0:02:19 > 0:02:21Right, I'll see you later.

0:02:22 > 0:02:24Oh, Dan.

0:02:24 > 0:02:25Glad I caught you.

0:02:25 > 0:02:28- I need your advice.- Is it urgent?

0:02:28 > 0:02:30Yes. It's about tonight.

0:02:30 > 0:02:33We're all going to the Icon with Mrs Tembe.

0:02:33 > 0:02:35- What? Everyone?- No, just us girls.

0:02:35 > 0:02:38But I was just wondering how to play it.

0:02:38 > 0:02:40How do you mean?

0:02:40 > 0:02:42Well, I'm not allowed to talk about anything personal.

0:02:42 > 0:02:48I have got some safe neutral topics. The weather, gardening, maybe pets.

0:02:48 > 0:02:51Oh, I could talk about Mrs Tembe's church, but that's religion,

0:02:51 > 0:02:53so it might be a bit contentious. Definitely not politics.

0:02:53 > 0:02:56Valerie, you're going to the pub. What would you normally talk about?

0:02:56 > 0:02:59- I'm trying to be professional and not gossip.- There you go.

0:02:59 > 0:03:02Don't gossip. OK? I've got to go. Have fun.

0:03:06 > 0:03:09Yeah, that's that one. I appreciate you staying on.

0:03:09 > 0:03:11Are you sure you wouldn't rather be down the Icon?

0:03:11 > 0:03:15A wild night out with Mrs T? No, thanks.

0:03:15 > 0:03:17What about you?

0:03:17 > 0:03:21Sheree Stirling. Date of birth, 27th of May 1984.

0:03:21 > 0:03:24Type 1 diabetes. Recovering alcoholic.

0:03:24 > 0:03:26But I think she's staying off the booze.

0:03:26 > 0:03:28Yeah, she's been dry for about a year now,

0:03:28 > 0:03:30which considering what she's been through...

0:03:30 > 0:03:33Yeah, right foot amputated. It's healing well though. She seems

0:03:33 > 0:03:37- to be looking after herself. - Understandably, she's depressed.

0:03:37 > 0:03:38Yeah.

0:03:38 > 0:03:41Diabetic retinopathy impairs her eyesight,

0:03:41 > 0:03:44which makes it difficult for her to inject her insulin.

0:03:44 > 0:03:46- She is managing though.- Mm.

0:03:46 > 0:03:49- Is she still smoking? - Like a chimney.

0:03:49 > 0:03:51Says it helps her stay off the booze.

0:03:51 > 0:03:53We've agreed she's going to try and cut back.

0:03:53 > 0:03:55Right.

0:03:55 > 0:03:59Assessing the care plan. We know how to live it up, don't we?

0:03:59 > 0:04:03- You look beautiful, as usual. - You all right, Sarge?

0:04:03 > 0:04:05All right?

0:04:05 > 0:04:08- What are you wearing?- Antlers.

0:04:08 > 0:04:12- It's a stag do. Come on, it's traditional.- Really?

0:04:17 > 0:04:19Evening, all.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22- Anita, wow!- Just Anita will do. - You look hot.- Yeah.

0:04:22 > 0:04:24Didn't recognise you.

0:04:24 > 0:04:27- I thought the stripper must have come early.- You're having one then?

0:04:27 > 0:04:29Paul, I promised Heather there wouldn't be a stripper.

0:04:29 > 0:04:31Heather doesn't have to know, does she?

0:04:31 > 0:04:35- What happens at the stag do stays at the stag do.- She better not know! She won't be happy.

0:04:35 > 0:04:38- She's never happy about anything. - Anita, antlers.

0:04:38 > 0:04:40I'm not wearing those. They look daft.

0:04:40 > 0:04:43- It's a rule. You have to. - Is this everyone?

0:04:43 > 0:04:46Nah, I've got people coming down from the station later.

0:04:46 > 0:04:49And I've got my mates coming from Manchester. They'll be here.

0:04:49 > 0:04:51They'd better be. I ordered food for 30.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53Well, that's you sorted, isn't it, Paul?

0:04:53 > 0:04:56What are the rest of us having? Here you are, Anita. Help yourself.

0:04:56 > 0:04:59- How's the new place, Dave? You and Heather settling in?- Yeah. It's fine, yeah.

0:04:59 > 0:05:02Heather's bought all this stuff. You know, cushions.

0:05:02 > 0:05:04Goodbye Letherbridge, hello Nottingham.

0:05:04 > 0:05:06End of an era. Only seems like yesterday, I was training you two..

0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Someone had to get you to use the litter tray.- Ha-ha.

0:05:09 > 0:05:11Right, where's the drinks? I'm gasping.

0:05:11 > 0:05:15- Go to the bar. We've got a tab.- I'll come with you.- No, I'll get these.

0:05:15 > 0:05:17Pints all round?

0:05:19 > 0:05:21- MOUTHS:- Hormones.

0:05:23 > 0:05:27So, we were wondering why you had invited us all here.

0:05:27 > 0:05:30We thought maybe you wanted to start a book club or something.

0:05:30 > 0:05:32Yeah, or a girl band.

0:05:32 > 0:05:34Not again. Never again.

0:05:34 > 0:05:36She's joking.

0:05:36 > 0:05:39I just thought that it would be nice, like you said,

0:05:39 > 0:05:41to have a social gathering.

0:05:41 > 0:05:44Oh, hello. We're being ogled over there.

0:05:44 > 0:05:48- The bloke.- I know him.- It's JJ.

0:05:48 > 0:05:51- What?- Ah, so now, it makes sense.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54He's a special friend, I wanted you all to meet.

0:05:54 > 0:05:56Oh, you dark horse!

0:05:56 > 0:05:58Hello, gorgeous. Ladies.

0:05:58 > 0:06:01Right. Let me introduce you to everybody.

0:06:01 > 0:06:05Of course, you know Sister Ruhma Hanif from the hospital,

0:06:05 > 0:06:06Miss Valerie Pitman.

0:06:06 > 0:06:11Hello. You were at the pheromone... You were at the hospital.

0:06:11 > 0:06:16- This is Mrs Karen Hollins. And Dr Emma Reid.- Hi.

0:06:16 > 0:06:19Cracks me up the way you introduce people. Miss Valerie Pitman.

0:06:19 > 0:06:21It's like a Jane Austen novel.

0:06:21 > 0:06:25- Oh, are you a fan of Jane Austen? - Isn't it obvious?

0:06:25 > 0:06:28It's the crinoline, gives it away.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30JJ is very cultured.

0:06:30 > 0:06:33Come, come. Come and sit down.

0:06:33 > 0:06:35And now you are here, I will get us all a drink.

0:06:38 > 0:06:41You realise once Heather passes her sergeant's exams,

0:06:41 > 0:06:43she'll be your boss, ordering you about.

0:06:43 > 0:06:45Mind you, she does that anyway.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48- I don't mind. I like strong women. - Thank you, Anita.

0:06:48 > 0:06:51- Who's the short for?- Me. - Thought so. Going to get some food.

0:06:55 > 0:06:58All right, Neet. Slow down. Pace yourself.

0:06:58 > 0:07:00I could drink you lot under the table.

0:07:00 > 0:07:02- Oh, you reckon? We'll see. - Make the most of it, mate.

0:07:02 > 0:07:05Last night of freedom.

0:07:05 > 0:07:07No, it's not. I'm fine. I'll be living the dream.

0:07:07 > 0:07:09Nightmare, more like.

0:07:09 > 0:07:13A nice house. Everything on tap. Sounds good to me, mate.

0:07:13 > 0:07:15You're seriously doing this?

0:07:15 > 0:07:17Getting married?

0:07:17 > 0:07:20That's the idea.

0:07:20 > 0:07:24- What about us?- There is no "us", except in your dreams.

0:07:24 > 0:07:28- Can we...talk? - This isn't the time or the place.

0:07:28 > 0:07:30When is the time or place?

0:07:30 > 0:07:33We're mates. We'll still be mates. There's nothing to talk about.

0:07:33 > 0:07:36- We cool, yeah?- Yeah.

0:07:38 > 0:07:41Totally. I'm just going to um...

0:07:47 > 0:07:49Well, that was awkward.

0:07:52 > 0:07:56Anita fancies me. I don't know why. I've never encouraged her.

0:07:56 > 0:07:59She's always coming on to me, ever since me and Heather got engaged.

0:08:01 > 0:08:05Even tonight. I mean, you saw that. I don't know what to do.

0:08:05 > 0:08:08She's embarrassing herself. I've told her to stop,

0:08:08 > 0:08:11but she doesn't seem to be getting the message.

0:08:11 > 0:08:14- Maybe I should just talk to her. - Well, I wouldn't.

0:08:14 > 0:08:17If she fancies you, that's the last thing you should do.

0:08:17 > 0:08:19Will you talk to her then, Sarge?

0:08:19 > 0:08:21- Me?- She'll listen to you.

0:08:21 > 0:08:25Try and sort it out before everyone gets here. Please.

0:08:34 > 0:08:37Right, so you'll talk to the consultant and I'll talk to

0:08:37 > 0:08:39him about trying CBT.

0:08:39 > 0:08:41Al?

0:08:41 > 0:08:42- Mm.- Al.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44I concur.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47- Right, that's it. I'm ringing the home time bell.- Yeah.

0:08:47 > 0:08:51I'm not in a hurry though. My brother Karl's staying.

0:08:51 > 0:08:57- You don't fancy some quality sibling time?- No, he's driving me mad.

0:08:57 > 0:08:59- What's he done? - That's the problem. Nothing.

0:08:59 > 0:09:02He doesn't even get out of bed half the time.

0:09:02 > 0:09:05Just sits around in his pyjamas, surfing the internet all day.

0:09:05 > 0:09:08Well, that's my average weekend.

0:09:08 > 0:09:11It's embarrassing. Emma's putting him up. I'm cleaning up after him.

0:09:11 > 0:09:14It wouldn't kill him to say thank you, but he can't be bothered.

0:09:14 > 0:09:16Doesn't do a thing around the house.

0:09:16 > 0:09:19I thought the army was supposed to be all about spit and polish,

0:09:19 > 0:09:21making your bed, shining your shoes.

0:09:21 > 0:09:24The man's a bit of a slob. There are worse things you can be.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26He doesn't care about anybody but himself.

0:09:26 > 0:09:29Doesn't talk to Emma or Sid. He hardly even talks to me.

0:09:29 > 0:09:33Doesn't ask how I am. Hasn't called Sierra, or Debs, or Tracey.

0:09:33 > 0:09:36- But he's a bloke.- OK, so he split up with his girlfriend.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39I split up with Tyler. I didn't sit around wallowing.

0:09:39 > 0:09:43All right, I got drunk one night and then I got on with my life.

0:09:43 > 0:09:45Do you think he might be depressed?

0:09:45 > 0:09:47No, I think he needs a kick up the backside.

0:09:47 > 0:09:50Right, and that's a recognised medical procedure, is it?

0:09:50 > 0:09:53It should be.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55- Feel better?- Yeah.

0:09:55 > 0:09:58You're sticking up for Karl. Maybe you should try living with him.

0:09:58 > 0:10:01Sounds like you'd be perfect together.

0:10:01 > 0:10:04Right. I'm going to go outside for a smoke, but you stick around.

0:10:04 > 0:10:06I've got a proposition for you.

0:10:20 > 0:10:22You all right?

0:10:22 > 0:10:24Yeah.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28Why don't you back off?

0:10:32 > 0:10:34I really don't think he's worth it, Anita.

0:10:43 > 0:10:46- Right, my round. Everybody having the same?- Please.

0:10:46 > 0:10:47No, I will have a half.

0:10:47 > 0:10:49Of?

0:10:49 > 0:10:52Ale. Well, JJ introduced me to it.

0:10:52 > 0:10:57- He's got you drinking now then.- I think it is nice to try new things.

0:10:57 > 0:11:00- Sit down, love. I'll get these.- No.

0:11:00 > 0:11:02Oh...

0:11:03 > 0:11:07- I've forgotten. I'm brassic. - Don't worry. I will pay.

0:11:07 > 0:11:11- Sorry, it's my daughter's gas bill. - Layla? The one at university?

0:11:11 > 0:11:13Yeah. Students. No idea about money.

0:11:13 > 0:11:17Her and her friends ran up this huge bill and the company was

0:11:17 > 0:11:18threatening to cut them off.

0:11:18 > 0:11:21- I wasn't having that, so I paid it.- Of course.

0:11:21 > 0:11:24Look, I will get these. You go back and be sociable.

0:11:26 > 0:11:29Oh, OK. So it looks like Mrs Tembe's round again.

0:11:43 > 0:11:46- Wrong loo. Gents is next-door. - Well, I wanted to see if you're OK.

0:11:46 > 0:11:48I'm OK, so you can go.

0:11:48 > 0:11:51Neet, seriously. What did you think was going to happen?

0:11:51 > 0:11:56- Did you think I was going to ditch Heather and cancel the wedding? Marry you instead?- No, course not.

0:11:56 > 0:12:00- You're not into all that stuff anyway. Marriage and romance. - Yeah, I know, but I thought...

0:12:01 > 0:12:04I mean, I think of you as one of the lads, basically.

0:12:04 > 0:12:08That's not true. You're not having sex with Paul.

0:12:08 > 0:12:11Look, it was fun. It was never serious.

0:12:11 > 0:12:14Friends with benefits, that's all it was, we agreed.

0:12:14 > 0:12:17- And now you're leaving.- I'm getting married.- Not till Saturday.

0:12:22 > 0:12:25- No, stop it.- Come on.- No!- Why not?

0:12:25 > 0:12:29- I'm not cheating on Heather. - It's never bothered you before.

0:12:29 > 0:12:31All this time, you've been engaged.

0:12:31 > 0:12:33I'm serious. I'm not cheating on her.

0:12:33 > 0:12:36We've got to knock this on the head, yeah?

0:12:36 > 0:12:39Are you going to be all right about this?

0:12:39 > 0:12:40I'll have to be.

0:12:40 > 0:12:44- Well, you wanted to talk. We've talked.- Yeah.

0:12:44 > 0:12:46Right then.

0:12:55 > 0:12:57Do you fancy going to the pub? It doesn't have to be the Icon.

0:12:57 > 0:12:59There are other places.

0:12:59 > 0:13:02- You said you had a proposition. - Yes. Um...

0:13:03 > 0:13:08I'm going home tomorrow. It's a duty visit for my dad.

0:13:08 > 0:13:11They're blessing a bench or something.

0:13:11 > 0:13:14And you're telling me this because...?

0:13:14 > 0:13:16Because I'm worried about Mother.

0:13:16 > 0:13:19I don't think she's eating properly or taking care of herself.

0:13:19 > 0:13:22So, what, you want me to come and examine her?

0:13:22 > 0:13:25Let's think of it more of an assessment.

0:13:25 > 0:13:27She'll find it easier talking to a woman.

0:13:27 > 0:13:29- You're asking me to work on my day off?- Oh, come on.

0:13:29 > 0:13:31It'll be a nice, you know, day trip out.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33You said you wanted to get out of the house.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35A trip to the countryside,

0:13:35 > 0:13:39- a nice olde worlde English village in the sunshine.- You liar.

0:13:39 > 0:13:43You said it's Deadsville. There's one old man's pub that barely keeps on going,

0:13:43 > 0:13:46and it smells of a pig farm when the wind's in the wrong direction.

0:13:46 > 0:13:49- I'll pay you.- How much?- £50.

0:13:49 > 0:13:5350 quid?! That's not even minimum wage. Haskey, you're hardly selling it to me.

0:13:53 > 0:13:57- All right, fine.- £200. I'll drive, I'll even throw in lunch. Come on.

0:13:57 > 0:13:59I wouldn't ask if I wasn't desperate.

0:13:59 > 0:14:02Done.

0:14:02 > 0:14:04- Thank you. You're a mate. - I just need the money.

0:14:15 > 0:14:18- All right?- Yeah.

0:14:18 > 0:14:21Let me guess. You offered yourself and he knocked you back.

0:14:23 > 0:14:26Everyone knows about you and Dave.

0:14:26 > 0:14:27- Everyone?- Well, not the Sarge.

0:14:27 > 0:14:30And not Heather, obviously, but the rest of us.

0:14:30 > 0:14:33What? And you all discuss me? Marks out of ten?

0:14:33 > 0:14:35Dave was very complimentary.

0:14:35 > 0:14:38Anyway, never mind him. He's getting married.

0:14:38 > 0:14:41That's his funeral. The rest of us are single.

0:14:41 > 0:14:43Maybe I can console you.

0:14:44 > 0:14:48- What?- I'm offering. No strings. No fuss. Just the way you like it.

0:14:50 > 0:14:52We're mates, aren't we? Anyway, now you can't have Dave,

0:14:52 > 0:14:54maybe you want someone to keep your bed warm.

0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Drop dead!- Come on, mate. Don't be like that. Beggars can't be choosers.

0:14:59 > 0:15:01Ah, it's Candice, right?

0:15:03 > 0:15:05Just in time. Dave, this is Candice.

0:15:05 > 0:15:08- Candice, Dave.- Hey! Wahey!

0:15:08 > 0:15:12- Not staying, Sarge? - Back in a minute. All right, Cheryl?

0:15:15 > 0:15:17Oh, yes, lads!

0:15:33 > 0:15:35Heather, it's me. Anita.

0:15:35 > 0:15:39I know you won't get this message till later, but there's

0:15:39 > 0:15:41something you should know about Dave before you marry him.

0:15:41 > 0:15:45I was a Madonna fan. And REM, if I was feeling profound.

0:15:45 > 0:15:48We had the best music. The rubbish kids are into these days.

0:15:48 > 0:15:51You expecting a call, JJ?

0:15:51 > 0:15:55- One of my boys.- Oh, you've got kids? How many?- Four.

0:15:55 > 0:15:58Wow! Do they all get on?

0:15:58 > 0:16:03- Well, I expect they would if they met.- They haven't met each other?

0:16:03 > 0:16:06They don't live together. They're scattered far and wide.

0:16:06 > 0:16:08Oh, do you mean you're a sperm donor?

0:16:08 > 0:16:12- Not that it's any of my business. - Not officially, no.

0:16:12 > 0:16:14Here you are, look. I'll give you the full list.

0:16:14 > 0:16:18There's my oldest, Layla. She's in Salford, with her mum, Lisa.

0:16:18 > 0:16:21Archie in Glasgow, with his mum, Maureen.

0:16:21 > 0:16:24Zach's in Brixton, with his mum, Zebbie.

0:16:24 > 0:16:27And Brittany in Portsmouth, with Julie. She's my youngest.

0:16:27 > 0:16:29She's eight.

0:16:29 > 0:16:32- After Britney Spears? - No, Brittany, the place.

0:16:32 > 0:16:35It's where she was, you know, conceived.

0:16:35 > 0:16:38Right. The food is on its way.

0:16:39 > 0:16:43- Four kids by four different mums? Did you know that?- Yes.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45Yes, JJ has told me all about them.

0:16:45 > 0:16:48- I've sown my wild oats.- I'll say!

0:16:48 > 0:16:52I think, if you do that, you've got to take responsibility.

0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Oh, and pay a lot of child support. - Ahem.

0:17:17 > 0:17:19- You need to sober up.- Do I?

0:17:19 > 0:17:23Listen, I'm going to head off in a minute and get in a cab.

0:17:23 > 0:17:26- Why don't you come with me? I'll drop you off.- I want to stay.

0:17:26 > 0:17:28Why?

0:17:28 > 0:17:31You do know that the new DCI's coming?

0:17:31 > 0:17:34Even the Super said he was going to show his face.

0:17:34 > 0:17:36You don't want to embarrass yourself in front of the brass.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39- Do yourself a favour.- Excuse me.

0:17:43 > 0:17:46No, you should have taken the second exit.

0:17:46 > 0:17:50Dave, it's Jason and the lads. They're in a taxi with a dodgy GPS.

0:17:50 > 0:17:53- They're lost. - Tell them to look out a map then.

0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Where's Anita?- Outside, I think.

0:18:02 > 0:18:05I've just had Heather on the phone in a flood of tears.

0:18:05 > 0:18:08- Really? You shouldn't have upset her then.- I haven't done anything.

0:18:08 > 0:18:10It's you, ringing her and telling her a load of lies.

0:18:10 > 0:18:13I didn't. I told her the truth, about you and me.

0:18:13 > 0:18:14There is no you and me!

0:18:14 > 0:18:17- There's nothing!- Fine. What are you worried about then?

0:18:17 > 0:18:21- I'm going to get some food. - I'm not going to let you ruin this.

0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Boys, I'm going.- What? Where? - The spa place. I've got to go and talk to Heather.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27Mate, you can't walk out on your own stag do.

0:18:27 > 0:18:31- There's four people here.- Come on, Dave.- The lads.- You look after them.

0:18:31 > 0:18:34You're the best man. Sarge, are you going to stay?

0:18:36 > 0:18:39- I suppose so.- This is mad. Sarge, tell him.

0:18:39 > 0:18:42It sounds like you've got a lot to do, so just go.

0:18:42 > 0:18:45MOBILE RINGS

0:18:45 > 0:18:47What Anita said, it's all lies, you know?

0:18:47 > 0:18:51She's just being vindictive. She propositioned me earlier

0:18:51 > 0:18:52- and I turned her down.- Save it.

0:18:52 > 0:18:54Just go.

0:18:59 > 0:19:04- So, were you at university, or college?- University of Life.

0:19:04 > 0:19:09No. Know where I got a real education? Inside.

0:19:09 > 0:19:12- Inside what?- You were in prison? What for?

0:19:12 > 0:19:14Karen.

0:19:14 > 0:19:18Stupid stuff. Thieving, handling stolen goods, TWOC-ing.

0:19:18 > 0:19:19Stealing cars...

0:19:19 > 0:19:24That's right. But I learned a lot in the nick.

0:19:24 > 0:19:27Yeah, well, they do say it's the University of Crime.

0:19:27 > 0:19:28Yeah, course.

0:19:28 > 0:19:32Some people just learn to be smarter criminals, but you know what?

0:19:32 > 0:19:34It was the making of me.

0:19:34 > 0:19:36How come?

0:19:36 > 0:19:39Look, I was all over the place. I had no qualifications.

0:19:39 > 0:19:42Hadn't really bothered much at school.

0:19:42 > 0:19:45I needed boundaries. Structure.

0:19:45 > 0:19:47Being inside gave me that.

0:19:47 > 0:19:52And I got an education, skills. It's where I learned to be a mechanic.

0:19:52 > 0:19:56- And he is a very good one.- Well, I know ex-prisoners who say the same.

0:19:56 > 0:19:59And you knew about this as well?

0:19:59 > 0:20:02Yes. Yes, we have talked about it.

0:20:02 > 0:20:04We have no secrets from each other.

0:20:04 > 0:20:09- Have we, Winifred?- No. I know about JJ's past and he knows about mine.

0:20:12 > 0:20:15- Well, excuse me. I've got to powder my nose.- I'll join you.

0:20:19 > 0:20:23- Does he seem like a right chancer to you?- I don't know what to think.

0:20:30 > 0:20:33Same again, please, Dave.

0:20:33 > 0:20:35Sarge.

0:20:35 > 0:20:38You knew about me and Dave.

0:20:38 > 0:20:39None of my business really.

0:20:39 > 0:20:41But you did know?

0:20:41 > 0:20:42Yeah.

0:20:44 > 0:20:47Makes sense.

0:20:47 > 0:20:50Paul said everyone knew, so I thought Heather should know too.

0:20:50 > 0:20:52What she does about it is up to her.

0:20:52 > 0:20:55What do you expect him to do? Leave Heather for you?

0:20:55 > 0:20:57No.

0:20:57 > 0:20:59He wouldn't.

0:20:59 > 0:21:03He never pretended, never promised me anything, I didn't ask.

0:21:03 > 0:21:05I was grateful for what I could get.

0:21:05 > 0:21:07I know. Pathetic.

0:21:07 > 0:21:10And what do you get out of it?

0:21:10 > 0:21:12I'm not like Heather.

0:21:12 > 0:21:15I'm not into all that wedding planning, settling down,

0:21:15 > 0:21:18- and playing house. I like my independence.- Ha-ha.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20Your independence?

0:21:20 > 0:21:24Is that what this is? Sitting here, waiting for him?

0:21:24 > 0:21:27I know, all right? I've been stupid, I've been had!

0:21:27 > 0:21:29But you're not stupid, Anita.

0:21:29 > 0:21:34So, why don't you cut your losses, go home, and you'll get over it.

0:21:34 > 0:21:36No, I'm staying!

0:21:36 > 0:21:40- What's the point? - I want him to come crawling back.

0:21:40 > 0:21:43I want Heather to kick him out.

0:21:43 > 0:21:46That'll wipe the smile off his face and that's worth staying for.

0:21:46 > 0:21:48An...

0:21:48 > 0:21:50Anita!

0:21:52 > 0:21:54You'll never guess what's happened.

0:21:54 > 0:21:57Mrs Tembe is going out with a biker and he's got loads of wives

0:21:57 > 0:22:00and children. No, I don't mean wives. He's not a Mormon.

0:22:00 > 0:22:03But he has got lots of exes and he's been to prison.

0:22:03 > 0:22:06And she's started drinking beer. Is this gossip?

0:22:06 > 0:22:09Anyway, maybe I shouldn't be telling you this,

0:22:09 > 0:22:12but I just thought you and the other partners should know.

0:22:12 > 0:22:14Anyway, it's Valerie.

0:22:14 > 0:22:16Call me when you get this message. OK? Bye.

0:22:19 > 0:22:23- Great food.- Yeah. Well, the late shift finishes any minute,

0:22:23 > 0:22:26- so the lads will be here soon. - The more, the merrier!

0:22:26 > 0:22:29Dave! All right?

0:22:29 > 0:22:30Mm, yeah.

0:22:30 > 0:22:32Everything's sorted.

0:22:32 > 0:22:35I told her everything, pretty much.

0:22:35 > 0:22:37I apologised and I'll do some more tomorrow.

0:22:37 > 0:22:40- So, the wedding's back on. Oh, good. - It was never off, you know?

0:22:40 > 0:22:42Me and Heather are solid.

0:22:42 > 0:22:46Anyway, she's not going to cancel it now, is she? She's not daft.

0:22:46 > 0:22:48Anita...

0:22:52 > 0:22:56- I've got to head off. - You're still going to come to the wedding though, aren't you?

0:22:56 > 0:23:00- I'd like you to still come as a mate.- Heather won't like it.

0:23:00 > 0:23:03- She'll be all right.- I doubt it. - She will. I'll talk to her.

0:23:05 > 0:23:07Thing is, I've got something else on.

0:23:07 > 0:23:10You know me, Dave. I'm not into weddings and romance and all that.

0:23:10 > 0:23:14I think I'll skip it, if you don't mind.

0:23:14 > 0:23:17TEXT ALERT

0:23:17 > 0:23:20It's the lads. They're downstairs, getting drinks.

0:23:20 > 0:23:22So, er... Beer?

0:23:22 > 0:23:24Tequila.

0:23:24 > 0:23:26I need to head off as well.

0:23:26 > 0:23:30Sarge, have you got any, you know, advice on married life?

0:23:30 > 0:23:33Have I got any advice on married life? Oh, yeah.

0:23:33 > 0:23:36If you think that Heather's going to be OK with you having Anita

0:23:36 > 0:23:40on the side, then you're more stupid than I thought you were.

0:23:40 > 0:23:42- I've been a bad boy, but not any more.- You lied to me.

0:23:42 > 0:23:45You thought I didn't know. And you wanted me to do your dirty work.

0:23:45 > 0:23:48- I've never lied on the job. - Do you know what, son?

0:23:48 > 0:23:51I don't think you're going to have a long and happy marriage.

0:23:51 > 0:23:54I give it a year, if you're lucky.

0:23:54 > 0:23:58- And, oh, yeah, can't make Saturday. I'm going fishing.- There he is!

0:23:58 > 0:24:01DRUNKEN CHEERING

0:24:03 > 0:24:07- How are you, buddy?- Congratulations.

0:24:07 > 0:24:09Let's get this party started.

0:24:09 > 0:24:11CHEERING

0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Took your advice.- Yeah. Good.

0:24:22 > 0:24:25You OK now?

0:24:25 > 0:24:26Much better now.

0:24:27 > 0:24:30I wanted to have a go at Dave.

0:24:30 > 0:24:32Punch his lights out. Do something stupid.

0:24:32 > 0:24:34Mm, I thought you might.

0:24:34 > 0:24:38- When he came back, there was no point. Nothing gets to him.- No.

0:24:40 > 0:24:43I know I'm as guilty as him, but I get all the blame.

0:24:43 > 0:24:45I'm the evil marriage wrecker, not him.

0:24:45 > 0:24:48Yeah, but he's the one who's going to be a prat all his life.

0:24:48 > 0:24:50He is a prat.

0:24:50 > 0:24:53And I spent all this time running round after him.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55Everything was on his terms.

0:24:59 > 0:25:02You know, when I started this job, I wanted to be one of the lads.

0:25:02 > 0:25:04It was easier. I fitted in.

0:25:06 > 0:25:08Then you get stuck with it, you know?

0:25:08 > 0:25:10I thought I was accepted.

0:25:10 > 0:25:13Respected, even.

0:25:13 > 0:25:15Just a joke, all along.

0:25:16 > 0:25:18Do you know what?

0:25:18 > 0:25:20You are a better copper than all that lot.

0:25:23 > 0:25:25And you can do far better than Dave.

0:25:27 > 0:25:29TEXT ALERT

0:25:29 > 0:25:31My taxi's here.

0:25:31 > 0:25:34Although, I don't envy you trying to find someone this day and age.

0:25:34 > 0:25:36Thanks, Sarge(!)

0:25:36 > 0:25:37There's cheerful(!)

0:25:37 > 0:25:40Yeah. Go on, go home. I'll see you at work.

0:25:42 > 0:25:44Bye.

0:25:49 > 0:25:51'The person you've called is not available.'

0:25:51 > 0:25:55- BEEP - Hi, love. I'm coming home.

0:25:55 > 0:25:58Put the kettle on. See you in a bit.

0:25:58 > 0:25:59Bye.

0:26:04 > 0:26:10- Listen, we have to do something, Mrs Tembe and JJ?- OK, he's got baggage.

0:26:10 > 0:26:12- But haven't we all? - None of us have been in prison.

0:26:12 > 0:26:15- Though it's been close a few times. - Funny.

0:26:15 > 0:26:18I know he's a bit of a rough diamond,

0:26:18 > 0:26:21but I genuinely think that he's a decent guy.

0:26:21 > 0:26:22And he makes Mrs Tembe happy.

0:26:22 > 0:26:25He's an ex-prisoner and she is bankrolling him.

0:26:25 > 0:26:28Listen, Mrs Tembe is an adult.

0:26:28 > 0:26:32- And it's not for us to decide who she can and cannot date.- OK.

0:26:32 > 0:26:36And what if he's a con artist and he takes her for everything she's got?

0:26:38 > 0:26:42Right. Well, as you are all here, I have an announcement.

0:26:42 > 0:26:46- You're not getting engaged?- No.

0:26:46 > 0:26:49As you know, I have got some annual leave coming up and I'm going

0:26:49 > 0:26:52to take a biking holiday.

0:26:52 > 0:26:54For both of us.

0:26:54 > 0:26:57My treat. We are going to be hitting the road.

0:26:57 > 0:26:58You're kidding!

0:26:58 > 0:27:01- Sounds great. - Where will you be staying?

0:27:01 > 0:27:03Well, I haven't really booked anywhere yet.

0:27:03 > 0:27:06We will just go where the fancy takes us.

0:27:06 > 0:27:07It will be our adventure.

0:27:10 > 0:27:12JJ, stop!

0:27:20 > 0:27:22Mother, Ayesha. Ayesha, mother.

0:27:22 > 0:27:26- Careful of my glasses. - Careful where you put your hand.

0:27:26 > 0:27:28- Hold my hand then.- Ooh! That's not my hand.

0:27:28 > 0:27:32Is he happy, dear? Al?

0:27:32 > 0:27:37Today's for your father. Surely, he deserves to see you at your best.

0:27:37 > 0:27:40- OUT OF TUNE: - # The Lord is my shepherd... #

0:27:40 > 0:27:42That's high. It's too high.