0:00:25 > 0:00:29# The Lord is my shepherd
0:00:29 > 0:00:33# I shall not want
0:00:33 > 0:00:35# He maketh me... #
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Just do your best.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41That's all me, your mum, or God ever want you to do, Alistair.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44- Always do your best, son. - CROAKING
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Alistair?
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Yes?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51What have you done?
0:00:51 > 0:00:53I bought this filter online,
0:00:53 > 0:00:56it's supposed to increase engine efficiency by like 5,000%.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59But the instructions are all in Mandarin.
0:00:59 > 0:01:03So, sorry to waste your time, but, er, no road trip for us today.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I thought we could just hang out here instead.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08You said they're naming something for your dad, you can't not go.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- Well, tell that to the car. - Well, take mine.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13200 quid, you said. Plus, you can pay for my petrol.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15It's going to take all day.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Yeah, well, I've seen these boots in the Bullring
0:01:17 > 0:01:19and they are worth giving up my day off for.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20All right.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23And you'll cast your nurse's eye over Mother,
0:01:23 > 0:01:24make sure she's coping all right.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26I'm going to give you a clue, she's not.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29So talk some sense into her. But be subtle, as well.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31What does talk sense mean?
0:01:31 > 0:01:35You know, she doesn't have to live in that big old house all alone,
0:01:35 > 0:01:36there are other options.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Hows-about we make it 300 quid?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42ORGAN MUSIC
0:01:42 > 0:01:44SHRIEKING
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- Ah! - HEARTBEAT SOUNDS
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Ooh...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Oh, whoo!
0:01:56 > 0:02:00GENTLE RADIO MUSIC Always rains in the countryside.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Your dad must have been pretty important
0:02:03 > 0:02:05if they're naming something after him.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07It's a bench in a graveyard.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09I'd like something named after me.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Bring some honour to the family name.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15My mother says I have to make a speech at the naming ceremony.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I should ideally say something nice, yeah?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Yeah.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27My dad ran my cub scout pack.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29You know, I grew up in the middle of nowhere.
0:02:29 > 0:02:34There's no kids my own age, so he sets a pack up for me.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Just me and him.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I got every badge but one.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- That's nice enough, isn't it? - Yeah, talk about that.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44I can't.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46The, er, cub scouts kicked me out.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49It's a subject Mother refuses to revisit.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52What did you do to make them kick you out?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Mm. I don't recall.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Right. Are you sure you don't want a wee break?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58These country lanes are slow going.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01I'm not going in the bushes, you hillbilly. I'll wait.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06The Archbishop came to our church to hear you sing,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10not to be lectured on African tree frogs and Charles Darwin.
0:03:10 > 0:03:14Not to see a priceless tapestry get a bloody great hole burnt in it.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Why?
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Answer me, why?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Mother doesn't know I smoke, so don't tell her that either.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Addiction is a serious thing.
0:03:25 > 0:03:26Would you like me to give you a leaflet?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Pull over here, just here.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32OK, before we go in, some words of warning...
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Mother is so religious.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36She says grace before a cup of tea.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38I mean, they're all Christians.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Just nod and avoid eye contact,
0:03:40 > 0:03:43or they'll be offering to baptise you or something.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Ayesha, mate...
0:03:45 > 0:03:50You're probably going to be the only person of, you know...
0:03:50 > 0:03:52What? The only brown girl in the village?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Safe. Bring it on.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Right, the safe word will be "Dr Carmichael needs us back".
0:03:57 > 0:04:00If I say that, it's code red and you take to your heels.
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Why are you so nervous? Stop being weird.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- What's the safe word? - "Dr Carmichael needs us back"!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I've always had a very keen sense of when I'm not liked.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13GENTLE PIANO MUSIC This place is where I learnt it.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Have you brought someone with you?
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Hello, Mrs Haskey. I'm Ayesha.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I had to pop to the little girl's room.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24The journey was further than I expected.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26You've got such a lovely home.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Mother, Ayesha. Ayesha, Mother.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Hello. Thank you.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Welcome.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Just a friend. Eh, dear?
0:04:38 > 0:04:39Shall we have a cup of tea?
0:04:39 > 0:04:41We're colleagues, actually, Mother.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44I'm having a spot of car trouble and Ayesha very kindly gave me a lift.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47You've been smoking, you silly goose.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Stop it before it gets to be a habit.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53His father struggled for years, trying to give up smoking his pipe.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55My grandfather had one. Nasty habit.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58See? Pretty girls don't like smokers.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Have you been taking your colchicine, Mother?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02I could write you another prescription if you like.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05He's showing off now, going all professional on me,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07throwing out all these big words.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09I don't want you to be in pain, do I?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Shall I pour the tea?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Thank you, Ayesha. It's a busy day. Any help much appreciated.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16All right. Can I help?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Yes. Can you have a look at your father's computer?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20It's started making beeping noises.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21I don't know what to do with the blooming thing.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Al's the man who knows how to fix things.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25- Maybe not cars. - AL SIGHS
0:05:30 > 0:05:32"Get the boy to fix..."
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Handwriting.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36"E-mails".
0:05:37 > 0:05:38"Fix e-mails".
0:05:41 > 0:05:43COMPUTER BEEPS
0:05:44 > 0:05:45Fixed.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47PHONE BEEPS
0:05:49 > 0:05:53'Alistair, these things won't send. Why would this be?'
0:05:53 > 0:05:55'Your mother is wondering
0:05:55 > 0:05:57'if you'd like to come and meet the new vicar.'
0:05:57 > 0:05:59'Our cruise gets back on the 15th.'
0:05:59 > 0:06:00'I'm pressing send and nothing happens.'
0:06:00 > 0:06:03'The Royal Mail was quicker than this e-mail business.'
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Alistair! It's Halley's Comet! You're missing it!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12It's much clearer in real life.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14PHONE BEEPS
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I don't want to get it everywhere.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Oh, no, no, the more air the better.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27It's worth the effort to get it right.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29I thought I might go for a bit of a wander.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Do you want some money for the pub?
0:06:32 > 0:06:33I wasn't necessarily going to go to the pub.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36He's going to the pub.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- SHE SIGHS - The service starts at five.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40We will start without you if you're late.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Have you spoken to her yet?
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Use the standard questions.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46The sooner you do, the sooner we can get to go home.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48When do we get to rub it all in?
0:06:48 > 0:06:54Sweetheart, will you send a text thing to the vicar for me?
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Ooh, I always enjoy a bit of froth.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05You're definitely a Haskey.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- Am I?- Mm-hm. That.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Your dad would do that.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12And hands in pockets.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14I'm Frances Harrison.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17I'm a friend of your mum and dad's, they will have mentioned me.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Oh. Thank you.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20- What for?- Eh?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22What are you thanking me for?
0:07:22 > 0:07:23I don't know.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Um, thank you for being their friend, I suppose.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Sorry, I'm Al. What was your name again?- Frances.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Frances.- Frances.- Yeah.- Got it.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I'll give Mary-Jane a hand to change the barrel later.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- Oh. You work here?- No.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Oh.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46So you were, er...
0:07:46 > 0:07:47You were friends?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Mm, from church. Well, work and...
0:07:50 > 0:07:53We're trying to keep his quiz nights going.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Yeah, I didn't know he did that.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Your dad's proven to be irreplaceable.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Ooh, have you seen the bench yet? We are really pleased with it.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Work brought me here mostly.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10And I'm glad it did.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11It feels like home.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Took me years to escape this place.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15After you.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Right, um...
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Full disclosure. I was banned from this church.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24If I was to come in, the vicar might release his hounds.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Everyone's welcome at St Dominic's.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Especially old choirboys.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- GATE CREAKS - Come on.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37That is good.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39It's best straight out of the oven.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43So how do you know the recipe?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45It's my grandmother's.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Is it written down, or do you know it from memory?
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Oh, it's a simple sponge, sweetheart.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54When you're making things for other people,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57do you sometimes forget to make sure you've eaten yourself?
0:08:57 > 0:08:59No.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Never? I do. Sometimes.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07The last nurse who visited me asked me that.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11And she was silly enough to think I couldn't look after myself.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14I hope you don't think that, dear.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Or did Alistair put you up to this?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22The Henry Haskey Memorial Bench.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23- What do you think?- Mm.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Oh, it's more comfortable than it looks.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30This was your dad's spot.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33He used to stand here after every service, greeting people.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Isn't that the vicar's job?
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Oh, I'm sure the vicar didn't mind.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41The trees have got bigger.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Yeah, well, a tree will tend to grow.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Sunshine, rain, time.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47- Photosynthesis.- Oh, my goodness.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49This way.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55He told me about the cub group. Just the two of them.
0:09:55 > 0:10:00Henry enjoyed that so much, their adventures in the woods.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03But then Alistair got all these new ideas.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05There were lots of protests.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Proclamations nailed to the church door.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13He once dressed up as Satan when the parson came to Christmas Dinner.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17He played heavy metal through the fete sound system.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20"Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter."
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Oh, he sounds like he was trouble.
0:10:22 > 0:10:27No-one was really shocked, they just got rather bored with him.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Our friends started to tense up around us.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Henry and I had to work really hard to repair our reputation,
0:10:35 > 0:10:36and we still have that.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Well...
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Well, of course, now it's just me and my memories.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44And new friends.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Is he happy, dear?
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Al?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Is Al happy?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Um...
0:10:56 > 0:10:58He has things that make him happy.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01I think.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Good, good.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07He doesn't look after himself, living on his own.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11You will keep an eye on him, won't you, dear?
0:11:13 > 0:11:17No, that's not happening, I'm in my 40s.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I'm sure I carved something.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21- Can you see?- Give me a bunk.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- Hey?- Eyes front, thank you.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- Right. Ooh. Two, three... - AL STRAINS
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Careful of my glasses.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Careful where you put your hand.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Hold my hand, then. - Ooh! That's not my hand.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Sorry. Can you see anything?
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- Yep... - SHE STRAINS
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Ooh. Down, please.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44OK. Oh...
0:11:44 > 0:11:45THEY STRAIN
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Whoo!
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Hi.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I found treasure.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Where?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Ooh. A pipe.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01That...
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- That's Henry's.- Oh.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08"To the BBC...
0:12:08 > 0:12:11"Leave Doctor Who alone, or there will be ramifications.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12"You have been warned".
0:12:12 > 0:12:15OK, in 1985 they tried to cancel Doctor Who.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I stand by that letter. SHE LAUGHS
0:12:18 > 0:12:19A bus ticket.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Oh.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23A badge for astronomy.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25And one telescope.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Potentially of pirate origin.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32I have to ask you something.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34There are stories.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38Well, I mean, I say "stories", I mean infamy.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42This church used to be in possession of a tapestry.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44The Tapestry of St Dominic?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46The Patron Saint of Astronomers.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- That's the fella.- What of it?
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Well, it was priceless, they say.
0:12:50 > 0:12:54And now, with inflation, even more priceless. And, um...
0:12:54 > 0:12:58A cheeky choirboy, in an act of vandalism, burnt it down.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00I did not burn that tapestry.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Although I've taken plenty of blame for it.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Oh, objection, m'lud. Did you or did you not cause that fire?
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Maybe.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11My frogs certainly contributed to the confusion.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13The African dwarf frog.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15They were just local frogs.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Took me ages to round them all up.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19I just wanted to stir debate.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Mm.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23You're going to be speaking later on, aren't you?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Should I have a fire extinguisher on standby, or...?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29I'm not sure it's right for me to say anything.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31We weren't close.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34It's normal to have regrets,
0:13:34 > 0:13:36that's a part of a bereavement process,
0:13:36 > 0:13:38but all of this is just, is just a bit too late.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42You know, Henry and I used to do something together.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I've not done it since he left us.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47But you know what?
0:13:47 > 0:13:48It's time.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Will you do it with me?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57It's all about timing.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Swing and invite the ball to be kind.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Oh...
0:14:06 > 0:14:08HE SIGHS
0:14:15 > 0:14:18I invite the ball to be...
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Ooh!- Have that, you bugger!
0:14:20 > 0:14:22- SHE LAUGHS - That was unconventional!
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Um, I don't have to go and fetch it, do I?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27No, no, not in our game.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Henry said that normal golf is impossible
0:14:29 > 0:14:32and designed to break the spirit.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34So we just do the fun part.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Oh, I like it. Just hit it as hard as you can.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39It's very good for stress relief, you know.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I'm all furious, about ten minute consultations.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Away with you!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47You know, I don't know what to say about that bench.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49How about that?!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51I've got three more speeding points.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Have them back, I've plenty, thank you!
0:14:54 > 0:14:56THEY LAUGH
0:14:58 > 0:15:00You know...
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I think my time here would've been much more pleasant
0:15:02 > 0:15:05if there were other kids to play with.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Do you have any, er, children?
0:15:07 > 0:15:09No, no.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Um...
0:15:10 > 0:15:13- Boyfriend, partner, husband?- No.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Girlfriend, partner, wife?
0:15:15 > 0:15:16No significant other.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20No, I've been trying to address my work-life balance.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- You?- Me? No.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23Nobody loves me.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27You seem very nice to me.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29If there was any justice in this cruel world,
0:15:29 > 0:15:31you would have all your heart's desires.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34MESSAGE ALERT
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Is that you, or is that me? - Erm, it's me.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39I've, er, got to go to work. Sorry.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Um, I'll see you at the service later though, yeah?- Yeah.
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Look, try not to get into any trouble. Mm?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- Thank you for the fun. - Oh, thank you.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58- I invite the ball to be kind. - Invite the ball to be kind.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01THUNDER RUMBLES
0:16:05 > 0:16:07AL SIGHS
0:16:09 > 0:16:13ORGAN MUSIC AND THUNDER
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Oh! Oh... I'm late.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Today is for your father.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25Surely he deserves to see you at your best.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26I'm not a bad person, Mother.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Well, today's the day to show it.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Frances...
0:16:34 > 0:16:37You said you'd have a word upstairs about this weather.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Yes, must have got stuck in the system.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Right, ladies and gentle...
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Man. Yes, just the one.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Shall we gather?
0:16:48 > 0:16:49What?
0:16:49 > 0:16:50She's a vicar!
0:16:52 > 0:16:54Of course she is.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59And so we give thanks
0:16:59 > 0:17:02for the shelter and the warmth of this church.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07And now, we are going to hear from Alistair.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Thank you.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Um...
0:17:14 > 0:17:16On behalf of my mother and I,
0:17:16 > 0:17:19want to say thank you very much to the committee for the bench.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22It's, um... It's very sturdy.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Clearly been well...
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Carpented? Is that a word?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I'm presuming that it's got the right varnishes on it.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32If not, then let's get that sorted.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33PHONE BEEPS
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Sorry. Phones off, everyone.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40AL STRAINS
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I don't have anything to say.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43THUNDER RUMBLES
0:17:45 > 0:17:46So instead of saying anything...
0:17:49 > 0:17:51For one time only,
0:17:51 > 0:17:56Young Chorister of the Year 1985-ish?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Is going to come out of retirement. OK?
0:17:59 > 0:18:00Er...
0:18:02 > 0:18:05# The Lord is my Shep... #
0:18:05 > 0:18:06That's high. It's too high.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08Puberty.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09I'll try lower.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11The, the...
0:18:12 > 0:18:16# The Lord is my Shepherd
0:18:16 > 0:18:19# I shall not want
0:18:19 > 0:18:23# He maketh me to lie down
0:18:23 > 0:18:25# In green pastures
0:18:25 > 0:18:31# He le-e-eadeth me
0:18:31 > 0:18:36# Beside the still waters
0:18:38 > 0:18:44# Surely goodness and mercy
0:18:44 > 0:18:47# Will follow you
0:18:47 > 0:18:51# All the days of your life
0:18:52 > 0:18:54# And you will dwell
0:18:54 > 0:19:00# In the house of your Lo-o-ord
0:19:02 > 0:19:05# Forever
0:19:08 > 0:19:11# Forever. #
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Your dad loved The Vicar of Dibley.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Do you think we could have been friends?
0:19:20 > 0:19:24If we'd just met as strangers, would we have been able to share a pint?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28That's never going to happen.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34I hope you're going to thank the Reverend Harrison.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Al, there's a bungalow up there within my price range.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39I could retire and make jam all day long.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41The summer fete has a jam contest.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44I'm the judge, and I'm very open to bribes.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45Bribes of jam.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47This place can get incredibly boring.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Those cakes aren't going to serve themselves.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I'll help. I'd like to sample my handiwork.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59A vicar!
0:19:59 > 0:20:03Look, your mum said if I told you then you'd be all awkward with me.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06I like to decide for myself if I'm going to be all awkward, or not.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09When all's said and done, it's really just a job.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13Look, does being a doctor say everything about who you are?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Does it, Al?
0:20:15 > 0:20:17I'm sorry. OK?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19I'm sorry for your tapestry, I'm sorry for your tree,
0:20:19 > 0:20:22and many, many other such apologies.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Well, Christians love to forgive so consider yourself forgiven.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29It's been really nice to meet you.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31You're a lot like your dad.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I don't think so.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36You know, if ever you wanted to talk about things...
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Was I just work for you today?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39No!
0:20:39 > 0:20:43No, I am trying to live a more 9-5 life.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47It's just that work creeps sometimes when I'm not looking.
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Doesn't that ever happen with you?
0:20:50 > 0:20:53A 9-5 life would be amazing.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57# Tumble outa bed and stumble to the kitchen
0:20:57 > 0:20:59# Pour myself a cup of ambition! #
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Would it be all right with you if I asked Mother for your phone number?
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Are you asking me out?
0:21:08 > 0:21:09- It might be useful...- Dr Haskey!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11..in case of emergencies, you know.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12What? No, I don't know...
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Can I ask Mother for your phone number?
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Well, if you want my phone number
0:21:17 > 0:21:20then you really should ask for it yourself.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- I'm trying to! Can I have your phone number please?- No.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24Then why make me ask?!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Because you have to earn it with good deeds.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31I just did a good deed.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Mm. Yes. Yes, you did.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35OK, so let's see...
0:21:35 > 0:21:39The first digit of my phone number...
0:21:39 > 0:21:41..is zero.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Every phone number begins with zero!
0:21:42 > 0:21:44- I want nice things.- Like what?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I don't know, say something nice!
0:21:46 > 0:21:48All right, fine.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- You ready?- Mm-hmm.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Your company makes you wear all black and that collar
0:21:54 > 0:21:57so you can look all solemn and respectful.
0:21:59 > 0:22:00But you're so pretty
0:22:00 > 0:22:03you make it look like something from Paris Fashion Week.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06And you're such a lovely person,
0:22:06 > 0:22:10you made a difficult day like today feel like I've been on holiday.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Um... So the second digit of my number is seven.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19I didn't say it to get your phone number...
0:22:19 > 0:22:227700... OK, let's get back to the beginning!
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Listen. Thank you for today.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28I don't know what I would have done without you?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Hey! Look what I've got.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Cool.
0:22:33 > 0:22:37Dr Carmichael is expecting us back.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40Dr Carmichael won't mind if we have a cup of tea and a chat
0:22:40 > 0:22:43with your mum - she might even prescribe it!
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Jam tart?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Er... No, thank you, Dolly.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Vicar.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Um... Ayesha? Shall...
0:22:52 > 0:22:55The traffic can be busy on the bypass,
0:22:55 > 0:22:57so perhaps you had better go.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15You couldn't make it half a mile without lighting up.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Did you spend all day baking,
0:23:17 > 0:23:20or did you manage to chat properly with Mother like you were meant to?
0:23:20 > 0:23:22What's your diagnosis, Nurse Lee?
0:23:22 > 0:23:26She's amazing. She looks after herself very well, I'd say.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30And the people she's got around her are helping her come to terms
0:23:30 > 0:23:33with losing someone she spent over half of her life with.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Good, that's good.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39It wouldn't hurt you to come down here more.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41You know this without me telling you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:46Who knows, maybe losing your dad might bring you closer together.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47Sure.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Do you think I need to make arrangements for her?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Al, you've met my family.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56I'd kill to have what you've got here.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Please try harder.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Before it really is too late.
0:23:59 > 0:24:03I cannot believe that you got so seduced by this place.
0:24:03 > 0:24:06I invited you along because I thought you were tough.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I assure you, Ayesha, I would take your family,
0:24:09 > 0:24:12your upbringing, over mine 11 times out of ten.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Oh, boo-hoo! Poor you, being spoilt.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Yes, I was spoilt and I was indulged,
0:24:17 > 0:24:20but I'd much rather have been understood.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Your mum understands you just fine, you douche.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25She sent Frances to babysit you all afternoon so you wouldn't kick off.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Incorrect. I bumped into Frances in the pub.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Actually, you're incorrect.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32She texted her and told her where you were.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35How could you not realise she's a vicar?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37You accuse me of being seduced?!
0:24:37 > 0:24:39They set me up!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44That is so typical of this place.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48They manipulate you to make sure you do good deeds!
0:24:48 > 0:24:49Say nice things!
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Well, I ain't ever coming back to this place.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Come on, let's go.
0:24:56 > 0:24:57No! Do you know what?
0:24:57 > 0:25:00You can sit in the back for the rest of the journey.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05And mind my scales!
0:25:15 > 0:25:17We agreed 300 quid, didn't we?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Why did you start working on the car today
0:25:21 > 0:25:23when you knew you had to drive down there?
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Al, if you needed someone to be with you today,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31or you want someone to help you with your mum,
0:25:31 > 0:25:33all you have to do is ask.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35That's what friends do for each other.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38And you'd be 300 quid better off.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41300 quid and a song aren't going to make things all better, you know.
0:25:42 > 0:25:43I know.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Text me your mum's number, I want to thank her for the scales.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52If you wanted her number, you should have asked her for it yourself!
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Dad.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Dear Dad...
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Goodbye.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- The coppers have been here looking for you.- Me?!
0:27:27 > 0:27:29Don't act surprised. What have you been up to?
0:27:29 > 0:27:32What would Mrs Tembe think if she knew what you was up to?
0:27:32 > 0:27:34I'd never put you down as someone
0:27:34 > 0:27:37who would engage or listen to tittle tattle.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40You're not my son. He's dead!
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Mrs Tembe!
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Oh! Mrs Tembe!