0:00:26 > 0:00:28# Homeless
0:00:28 > 0:00:30# Homeless
0:00:30 > 0:00:32# Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
0:00:34 > 0:00:36# Homeless
0:00:36 > 0:00:38# Homeless
0:00:38 > 0:00:41# Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
0:00:41 > 0:00:43- # And we are - Homeless
0:00:43 > 0:00:45- # We are - Homeless
0:00:45 > 0:00:48# Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
0:00:48 > 0:00:49- # We are - Homeless
0:00:49 > 0:00:51# Homeless
0:00:51 > 0:00:52# Homeless
0:00:52 > 0:00:55# Moonlight sleeping on a midnight lake
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- # Zio yami - Zio yami
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- # Zio yami - Zio yami
0:00:59 > 0:01:01# Nhliziyo yami
0:01:01 > 0:01:04# Nhliziyo yami... #
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Marlene was really upset.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Course she was, she's out of a job.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10She's got her nice flat though.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Don't worry, we'll find somewhere. I've got some plans.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14You and your plans.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18I'm starving!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Ta-da!
0:01:20 > 0:01:21Where'd you get those?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Nicked 'em from the kitchen first thing.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Marlene's secret stash.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Stealing, that is.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Want half of this, Cam?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Oh, ta.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30There you go.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Do you want to come with?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36No, no, not today.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37I'm busy today.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Shush, don't you start on me!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Cam's got a job interview today, ain't you?
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Oh, aye?- Job at the supermarket in Selly Heath.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46Pushing trollies. Ain't it, Cam?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Facilities assistant, it is.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I got my letter - but not at the supermarket.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Well, best of luck with that, mate.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54How'd he get that?
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Shrink set it up for him.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Don't worry, I got a bun,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59that'll make me feel better.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00I hope he's going to be OK.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02He'll be all right.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Least he'll never be alone with all them mates in his head.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Dave!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08God, it's cold.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09It'll warm up.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Dave, what are we going to do?
0:02:13 > 0:02:14What we always do.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15We keep going.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16It'll get better.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18No, it won't!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Come here.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22I'm so glad I've got you.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- I don't know what I'd do...- Shush!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Shush. Eh? Things will be OK, you'll see.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Oh, yes.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33No, no, no, they are very stout.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Have you broken them in yet?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Broken them where?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Well, you have to break them in so you do not get blisters.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Cobblers!
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Oh! Forgive me!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45You know everything, of course, Dr Haskey!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47You're actually doing this then?
0:02:47 > 0:02:48I most certainly am.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50The open road before me,
0:02:50 > 0:02:51adventure is in the air.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Doing what? - He's walking to Lichfield.
0:02:53 > 0:02:54Why?
0:02:54 > 0:02:57It is the 12th of December, 1731,
0:02:57 > 0:03:00- and a true hero is born.- Here we go.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Erasmus Darwin was a physician,
0:03:02 > 0:03:04philosopher, botanist,
0:03:04 > 0:03:05inventor, poet,
0:03:05 > 0:03:07abolitionist.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08And he lived in Lichfield.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12He lived, loved and transformed the knowledge of his fellow man.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Any relation to Charles, the evolution guy?
0:03:15 > 0:03:16Charles Darwin was his grandson.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Erasmus, genius that he was,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20came up with a coherent theory
0:03:20 > 0:03:23some 70 years before Charles put his mind to it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28"Organic life began beneath the waves,
0:03:28 > 0:03:31"hence without parent
0:03:31 > 0:03:32"by spontaneous birth,
0:03:32 > 0:03:35"arise the first specks
0:03:35 > 0:03:36"of animated earth."
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Are you still going on about that, Dr Haskey?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41He anticipated natural selection
0:03:41 > 0:03:43in his great scientific work...
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Zoonomia!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Outstanding, Dr Vere.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49He postulated the three objects of desire for every organism -
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- hunger, security...- And lust!- Lust!
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Well, on that note,
0:03:54 > 0:03:55I am going back to start work.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Hang on.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59I thought you were going to wave me off.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01It is far too early in the morning
0:04:01 > 0:04:03to start talking about lust,
0:04:03 > 0:04:04thank you very much.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08So you're actually going to walk all the way to Lichfield?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10What on earth for?
0:04:11 > 0:04:13I don't know.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14A pilgrimage apparently,
0:04:14 > 0:04:16and some kind of adventure.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17So go to Rome!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Show a little imagination.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I mean, Lichfield of all places!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Maybe he'll lose some weight.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Maybe he'll take a taxi and stay in a five-star hotel.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30And come back a bit heavier than when he left.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Oh!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33You OK?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35I think that bun was stale.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Oi!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Oh, great. Old Nic!
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Don't give her any aggro.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Good morning, scutters!
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Back in the gutter, are we?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Yeah. You all right, Nic?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Where are you off to?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Hey, mate, I'll tell you where I'm off to.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I'm going to go down the council and I am going to give them a piece -
0:04:52 > 0:04:54cos they think they can shut the only flophouse in town.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55They're going to close it down
0:04:55 > 0:04:58cos they think we don't matter and we don't care.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Yeah, good luck with that one!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Or what you going to do?
0:05:02 > 0:05:03What you going to do?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Are you just going to crawl into some hole in the ground, are you,
0:05:06 > 0:05:08and hope nobody notices? Well, good luck with that, darling.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10I'll tell you, by the end of the week,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12you'll be raped, battered and off your trolley.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14That's enough!
0:05:14 > 0:05:15What about you, matey?
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Have you got a little party going on in your head, in there, have you?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20That'll take your mind off the streets, won't it?
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- I've got to go now, I've got to go. - Hey, hang on. What's that?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25What have you got in there?
0:05:25 > 0:05:26Oh!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Is this the suit that Marlene gave you?
0:05:29 > 0:05:31You've got a job interview, haven't you?
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Haven't you?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36You think they're going to give a poxy job to a nutter like you?
0:05:36 > 0:05:37- Please!- That's enough.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39SHE CACKLES
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Are the bedbugs bothering you?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I tell you what,
0:05:42 > 0:05:43they're bothering me an' all.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46It's them poxy mattresses in that place, I tell you.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48You're going to be itching and scratching
0:05:48 > 0:05:50all the way through that interview, aren't you?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I got a rash! Shaz, I got a rash!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54It's OK, we all have.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Infested, they were!
0:05:55 > 0:05:57Disgusting!
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Need to sort this out.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Needing to get medicine or something.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Yeah, do you know what, mate?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05You want to go and see your private physician down Harley Street!
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Of course! I'll go see him. Thanks, Nic.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I've got time yet if I can quickly get some medicine, clean me up.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Good thinking, that.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14You poor sod!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Laters, lovers!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20You going down the Arches?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22I'll see you then, no doubt.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28SHE ROARS
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Yeah, very funny.
0:06:39 > 0:06:40Well done, Jimbo.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41It's Dick Whittington!
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Nothing gets past you, does it?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Now, I have a large rucksack with everything I need.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Got a proper map?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49What is a smartphone for?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Emergencies only - that's what you said.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54You'll run the battery out by lunchtime.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56That's a good point.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57Paper map accepted.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59What else have we got in here?
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Compass.- And some heartburn pills,
0:07:01 > 0:07:03and some doggy poo-bags.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05You know, just in case you get caught short.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07I will not be using those!
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I'm not a savage.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11PHONE RINGS
0:07:12 > 0:07:13Mill Health Centre.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19HE LAUGHS
0:07:19 > 0:07:20KNOCK ON WINDOW
0:07:22 > 0:07:23Cam!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Go through, go through.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Right, keep up your Erasmus homework, my young padawans!
0:07:33 > 0:07:35There will be a test upon my return.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Great(!)
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Right, the time has come for the great adventure to begin.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44To Lichfield!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Remember, you can only spend ten quid a day!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50And don't forget to post your videos so we know you're OK!
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Do you think he'll be OK?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57It's Al. He was never OK.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Marlene got it me off the charity. Not bad, eh?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06That'll show 'em that I mean business and that.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08That's great, Cam. I'm really pleased for you.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Where've you been? I've not seen you for, what, like, three years?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Well, we went North, didn't we? Me and JoJo.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Little flat in Goole, to be near the prison.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18And I looked after the baby sometimes and we went for walks,
0:08:18 > 0:08:20then he got out last month - didn't want me around no more.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23So, I came back here, didn't I? I've got mates round here.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24So, where are you living?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Burr House, but they closed it this morning.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Nic's mad about it. Shouting the odds, she was.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30You should've heard her - but it's cutbacks or something.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Anyways, I need you to look at my arms and my neck.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35So, you've got nowhere to go?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Oh, don't worry, I'll get sorted -
0:08:37 > 0:08:39especially if I get this job.
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Easy, it is -
0:08:40 > 0:08:43be nice to customers and collect the trollies.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Even someone like me can do it.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46How are the demons, Cam?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Oh, I don't worry about them no more.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49That's good then.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50I've got my own in here.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Them out there don't get a look in.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54What do you mean?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58Doc, I ain't got much time here, so can you look at this?
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Bitten to pieces, I am.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Filthy mattresses in that place, I'm well rid,
0:09:01 > 0:09:03but I can't be twitching and scratching
0:09:03 > 0:09:04through the interview, can I?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07OK, well, I'm sure we've got some cream or something for that.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09The job means a bedsit maybe.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I seen some near Marchdale Woods,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13right next to them.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14That'd be grand!
0:09:25 > 0:09:27HE GROANS
0:09:30 > 0:09:32All right, then, James.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Let's see what we've got here.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40One map...
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Yeah, very good.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Antacids...
0:09:50 > 0:09:52..50 doggy poo bags.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54No thank you!
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Karen Hollins, you star!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Oh, that's pure sugar!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Mmm.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08PHONE RINGS
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Karen, it's barely been an hour.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- I'm still in Letherbridge. - Yeah, but you're all right?
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Of course I'm all right!
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Look, can you please stop bothering me?
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Remember the rules!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22This is for emergencies only.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- All right, mardy-pants!- OK.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27The Kendal Mint Cake is genius, by the way.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28OK, Ciao!
0:10:33 > 0:10:34Mmm!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36SHE SIGHS
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Help for the homeless?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Hiya.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43All right?
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Yeah.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46It's kind of cold today, eh?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Yeah.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50So, how much you got so far?
0:10:50 > 0:10:51What's it to you?
0:10:51 > 0:10:54Sorry, I didn't mean anything.
0:10:54 > 0:10:55What's going on?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Nothing.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58Is he hassling you?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00No, really! Look, I didn't mean anything.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03I was just making conversation.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04I'm Tommy, by the way.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08You were down the hostel last night, weren't you?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Yeah, one night and it closes its doors.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13- What's that about?- It's about "No-one gives a flying pig."
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Too right.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Too right!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19I mean, it's crap, isn't it?
0:11:19 > 0:11:23I never thought my life would end up like this.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25But, you know, lost my job,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27girlfriend kicked me out, and then...
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Just nowhere to go.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31And then, as for family...
0:11:31 > 0:11:34not really got any to speak of.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35So, here I am.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38How about you?
0:11:38 > 0:11:39Ex-prisoner, mate.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Army before that, got in a few tangles.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Yeah, how?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46You ask a lot of questions, don't you?
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Sorry, just curious.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Go and be "curious" somewhere else.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- Shaz!- It's OK, mate.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Look, I'll just get off, yeah?
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Listen, mate, there's a soup kitchen on down the Arches tonight.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- It's not bad.- Cheers.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I might see you there.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07He's just a kid.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09He's a liar, that's what he is.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Sit down.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Oh, there we go.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Afternoon, love.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Afternoon, dear lady.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05I understand you serve that rarity of beers, Piltdown Porter.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06That's right, love.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- We've got it on draught.- Oh, right. Have you not got any bottles?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10- No, people seem to prefer it.- Oh.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12People are odd.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14Pint, is it?
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Yeah, just a sec.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23You know what? I better make it half.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Coming up.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30All right, mate?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41What you got there?
0:13:41 > 0:13:42I haven't got anything, mate.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I've just got some biscuits and stuff like that.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I'm going to get some ciggies now!
0:13:46 > 0:13:47Oh. Hey-hey!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00HE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Here we are.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03That's all good.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04All good.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07'Let's just go.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10'No, don't be a coward.'
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Be quiet, will you?
0:14:12 > 0:14:13'Waste of time.'
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Quiet, I said!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Bit quiet today?
0:14:19 > 0:14:20It is.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Noticed you've got a quiz on.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26That's right.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27What's the first prize?
0:14:27 > 0:14:2920 quid.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Really?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- £2.40, please.- There you go.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35It's for the locals.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37Pensioners' Monday club.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38What's the entry fee?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- A pound.- Right, sign me up.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I don't think it's your kind of thing, love.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46I just do it for the old folks.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Yeah, but this is a public bar, though, isn't it?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- Yes.- And you're openly advertising it.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Yes.- Well, surely I have every right to participate then.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56Go on,
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I may even liven this old place up a bit.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01If you want.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03We've got a right one here, Charlie.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Oh, that's good.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Cheers.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Well, first of all, thank you for coming in today.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18How was your journey?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- A lot of walking.- Oh?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Good, keeps you fit.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Yeah.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28So, Mr Lewis, can you tell me what kind of experience you have?
0:15:28 > 0:15:29'Da used to hit you.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31- 'Is that what he means? - 'Get on with it!'
0:15:31 > 0:15:32I mean work-wise.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34What jobs have you had before this?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Um...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Worked on a site for a while, carrying bricks and that...
0:15:38 > 0:15:40'Fired from that one.'
0:15:40 > 0:15:43..and then did some clearing down in the woods, by Riverside Park.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44That was my favourite - outside, you know?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46'Demons got us there.'
0:15:46 > 0:15:48So, you're used to working outside?
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Yeah. Prefer it, me.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51That's good.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54So, what do you think you can bring to the role of
0:15:54 > 0:15:57facilities assistant at Bettasave?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59- What?- 'Stupid.'
0:15:59 > 0:16:01I mean, you understand what the job is, don't you?
0:16:01 > 0:16:03- Course!- 'Pushing round trollies?
0:16:03 > 0:16:04'In the cold.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06'And it never ends. Always more to find, more to stack...'
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Shush!
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Sorry?
0:16:10 > 0:16:11BUZZER
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Helsinki!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Correct.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17What puzzle was invented in 1974
0:16:17 > 0:16:18by a Hungarian professor...?
0:16:18 > 0:16:20BUZZER
0:16:20 > 0:16:21The Rubik's cube!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Correct.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Who hosted This Is Your Life
0:16:25 > 0:16:28after Eamonn Andrews?
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Come on!
0:16:29 > 0:16:31Anyone?
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Giving you a chance.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34And... BUZZER
0:16:34 > 0:16:35..too late!
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Mr Michael Aspel.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- 'Let's just go.- Look at the little git. Just thump him one!
0:16:41 > 0:16:44'Can't remember the question now, can you? Waste of time, this was.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45'Why you even bothering?'
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Sorry, mate. What was the question?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- 'Idiot.'- Shut up!
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Oh, not you, mate.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54OK, maybe we should move onto the next question.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56How warm is normal body temperature?
0:16:56 > 0:16:57BUZZER
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Barney! At long last, love!
0:16:59 > 0:17:01- What have you got?- 36 degrees.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03BUZZER
0:17:03 > 0:17:04Wrong, Barney. That's incorrect!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06It's 37 degrees Celsius,
0:17:06 > 0:17:08which is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheight.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Sorry, love...
0:17:10 > 0:17:12he's got it right.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- Boo!- Boo! Get off.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17OK, OK, let's take a break.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Charlie will come round and get your drinks orders
0:17:19 > 0:17:23and, don't forget, it's half price on baked potato with chilli today.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Wahey! - BUZZER
0:17:25 > 0:17:27What do you think you're playing at?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30This is supposed to be a bit of fun and you're spoiling it for everyone.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32What? I'm playing to win. What's wrong with that?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34But every question?!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I can't help it if I know it all.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39I'll tell you what, I'll go for a pint of Porter, if I may,
0:17:39 > 0:17:42and I'd also like to partake of your jacket potato and chilli.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44That'll be £9.49
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Could I start a tab?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49No, you can't.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51I'm reliable.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- I'm a reliable bloke.- 'Yeah, right!'
0:17:53 > 0:17:56You can tell me a time, and I'll be there, you can bet on it.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58And I can be nice to people and tell 'em what to do and that.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I'm not racist or rude or nothing, like some people.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02'Racist? Why did you say that?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04'Now he'll think you are racist!'
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Good.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07We have a strict policy on workplace behaviour.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08'Little scrote! Thump him!
0:18:08 > 0:18:10'You're not getting this, just babbling on.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12'He thinks you're an idiot.'
0:18:12 > 0:18:14'You are an idiot! Why are you even bothering?'
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Oh. I'm sorry, I'm just...
0:18:16 > 0:18:19'Give it up! You're a useless waste of space. You don't stand a chance.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21'Look at his face!'
0:18:21 > 0:18:22Workplace behaviour...
0:18:22 > 0:18:24'Look at his face! Look at his face!'
0:18:24 > 0:18:25SHUT UP!
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Just shut up!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I can't hear myself think! It's all right, mate.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I just need to get this sorted cos they won't shut up sometimes.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Listen, you have got to be quiet cos I can get this job,
0:18:34 > 0:18:35I know I can get this job,
0:18:35 > 0:18:37and then we can get that little flat by the woods
0:18:37 > 0:18:40and then won't have to sleep rough and isn't that what we want?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- Mr Lewis!- So, please, please, I beg you, just for now,
0:18:42 > 0:18:44just while I'm with this bloke and in my interview -
0:18:44 > 0:18:46will you please give it a rest?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- 'You don't get it, do you? - 'We're trying to protect you.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- 'He's not taking you seriously, he's mocking you.- You need to get out.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- 'You're a despicable waste of space.'- I'm not!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- 'No-one's going to give you a job.' - Shut up! Shut up!
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Just shut up! Shut up!
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Security?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Final question.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Who introduced tobacco
0:19:02 > 0:19:04from America to Europe?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06BUZZER
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Ramon Pane.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12Well, ladies and gentlemen, he's finally got one wrong!
0:19:12 > 0:19:13APPLAUSE
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Sorry, love, it was Sir Walter Raleigh.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16BUZZER
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Sorry. No, it wasn't.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Sir Walter is a popular misconception.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Smoking was recorded
0:19:24 > 0:19:25before Sir Walter was even born.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27He never even went to America.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30It is now generally accepted amongst people who know such things,
0:19:30 > 0:19:33that it was, in fact, Father Ramon Pane.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36He went with Columbus, although there is a school of thought
0:19:36 > 0:19:38that attributes it to Rodrigo Jerez.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40He was also an explorer.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Right, that's it.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I've had enough of you.
0:19:44 > 0:19:45- Out!- You what?
0:19:45 > 0:19:46You're barred.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Fine, you can bar me but give me my winnings first, please.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51You've just been disqualified.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- You can't do that!- Big Charlie!
0:19:53 > 0:19:54Whoa.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Big Charlie, come on.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Hey, hey. That's not fair.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00It's all gone wrong.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02It's all gone wrong.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03'Always goes wrong.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04'Why are you such an idiot?!'
0:20:04 > 0:20:06He needs to leave.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07'Told you! Told you! Told you!'
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Leave me alone!
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Leave me alone!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13APPLAUSE This is an outrage.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Not interested!
0:20:15 > 0:20:16You owe me £20!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- You didn't win!- What? I answered every question!
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I disqualified you before the quiz ended.
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Come on, Charlie.
0:20:22 > 0:20:26Right, I am reporting you to the local council,
0:20:26 > 0:20:29to the licensed victuallers association and to Camra!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Yeah. How about that? How would you like that?
0:20:31 > 0:20:33I'm going to get Camra involved.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Places like you,
0:20:35 > 0:20:37you shouldn't be allowed to sell fine ales!
0:20:38 > 0:20:41That's what I think of this place.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45This is exactly what happened to Erasmus.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47He was penalised for his brilliance
0:20:47 > 0:20:50by idiotic, reactionary peasants.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56'Here you are again, with all the rubbish, all the wasters.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- 'Why are you always an idiot?' - VOICES OVERLAP
0:21:04 > 0:21:06'This is where you belong, where you've always belonged.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09'He was just a kid and you let him get the better of you.'
0:21:09 > 0:21:11VOICES OVERLAP
0:21:11 > 0:21:13'Just go, just run, just hide.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16'He's probably phoning the coppers, or the looney bin.'
0:21:16 > 0:21:21VOICES OVERLAP
0:21:21 > 0:21:24'You're so useless, you might as well end it now.'
0:21:26 > 0:21:28'I can't take any more of this, Jean.'
0:21:28 > 0:21:31This place is losing money like a sieve
0:21:31 > 0:21:35and that creep from the brewery - he's still sniffing round.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40Maybe I should just sell up and be done with the whole rotten business.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Oh, I'm still getting these headaches,
0:21:43 > 0:21:47but I didn't have breakfast this morning, so that's my own fault.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Yeah, I will.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- Oh!- You owe me 20 quid!
0:21:50 > 0:21:5220 quid!
0:21:56 > 0:21:57SHE GASPS
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Are you OK?
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Yep. OK.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Yeah, we'll see you in court.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07OK, thank you.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Yeah, see you Thursday. See you Thursday.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Go round.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Is this locked?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23HE BANGS ON DOOR
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Don't panic, I'm coming!
0:22:27 > 0:22:31OK, OK, OK. Heimlich!
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Come on.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35SHE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:22:35 > 0:22:36There we go.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Deep breaths.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43SHE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Deep breaths and we'll be fine.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49That's it, deep breaths.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I'm sorry about the quiz earlier.
0:22:55 > 0:22:56I really had to win.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58It's a long story.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59I would've died.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Well, possibly.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Thank you.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05You're welcome.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07SHE COUGHS
0:23:07 > 0:23:09I'm Al, by the way.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Doctor Al, I'm a GP.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12Betty.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Nice to meet you, Betty.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16SHE SOBS
0:23:16 > 0:23:20Hey, it's OK. It's OK, Betty.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22You had a shock, didn't you?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Stupid peanuts.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Aww.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Poor lad's just sitting there staring at me.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Don't blame him, I was being a right loon.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33- He called security and they chucked me out.- Sorry, Cam.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35My own fault - or their fault, really.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36Going on and on at me.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39I just couldn't think straight, everything got messed up.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41There you go.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Does...?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Does cutting yourself make the voices go away?
0:23:46 > 0:23:48A bit.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Help me feel better anyways.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51You mentioned voices this morning.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Westfall said I should try and understand 'em, use 'em.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- Some people do. I didn't quite get that bit.- Westfall?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59The shrink. He helped get this job interview, much use that was.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Demons are in my head now, see, not like before, not out there. In here.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05- Are you still taking your medication?- Nah, jacked all that in.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Don't need it, made me muggy. Can't think straight.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09How am I supposed to get work if I can't think straight?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12But we spent months getting the medication right,
0:24:12 > 0:24:14do you remember that? I mean, you felt better on it.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15I need a clear head.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17I can hear them, but not all the time.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19And sometimes, they make me feel less lonely -
0:24:19 > 0:24:21and, a lot of the time, I can get 'em to shut up.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Not today, though. They ruined it today.
0:24:23 > 0:24:26Yeah, but, Cam, it's just dangerous to just stop taking medication.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28- Let me phone the mental health team. - No! I just told you!
0:24:28 > 0:24:29You're not listening!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Why does nobody ever listen?
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I spend all day listening to other people, and nobody ever hears me!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36- Cam...- No! Look, thanks for the bandage and that,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- but I didn't come for no lecture. - Come on, don't do this.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Do what? Live on the streets?
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Well, that's all I've got now.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43That and the party in my head. So, I'll be off, Dr Jimmi.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Look, let me make some calls. I can find you somewhere to stay.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- Don't want it. Don't need it. Going now.- Cam!
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Good evening, peasants.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58You join me in Betty's best bed...
0:24:58 > 0:25:02and Betty isn't here, it's just me!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04So, first day on the road
0:25:04 > 0:25:06and what a day I have had.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08I have spent a grand total
0:25:08 > 0:25:11of three English pounds and 40 English pence.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I have had a slap-up dinner,
0:25:13 > 0:25:14and I saved a life -
0:25:14 > 0:25:18which is a story all in itself!
0:25:18 > 0:25:22# Mama always said I'll find my way back
0:25:24 > 0:25:26# Back home. #
0:25:26 > 0:25:31'First night, and I'm in five-star luxury accommodation,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34'all thanks to one very grateful landlady -
0:25:34 > 0:25:37'who, incidentally makes one of the Midlands' best chillies.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41# God knows I'm trying
0:25:41 > 0:25:43# I'm fighting to get out of here
0:25:43 > 0:25:46# Oh, but sometimes it's hard not to give into fear
0:25:46 > 0:25:49# I build myself up cos I want it so much
0:25:49 > 0:25:51# I need to break for real... #
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Get out, scutters!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Don't argue with me, big man!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08# Courage to carry on. #
0:26:08 > 0:26:10SHAZ GROANS
0:26:10 > 0:26:11What did I do?
0:26:11 > 0:26:12Nothing.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14It's this bewakoof bachcha.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Kicking?
0:26:16 > 0:26:18Too right it is.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20I thought we decided "it" was a "she?"
0:26:20 > 0:26:23No, you did.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26THEY LAUGH
0:26:26 > 0:26:27Thank you.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31You OK?
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Yeah, I'm still with them.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36No, not yet...
0:26:36 > 0:26:38but I'll get them tomorrow.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41OK.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47And to think there are some of you that thought I wouldn't last!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49HE TUTS
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Goodnight, suckers!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Stupid questions.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59No dancing,
0:26:59 > 0:27:01no delicious desi cuisine.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05A lunch time surgery is the best way of keeping them separate.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07What? I'm just being honest.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08It's the smell.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10I am looking out for you.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Tommy, she is taking you for a ride.