0:00:40 > 0:00:44SIREN
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Ooh... Ooh, yes!
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Oh, yum-yum! Do you want some more?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06Mm? Yes. There we go.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14There you are. Yes, mm...
0:01:14 > 0:01:19Oh! Oh, yes.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21SHE LAUGHS
0:01:21 > 0:01:24Do you have any legal qualifications?
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Well... Unless you can complete all the paperwork I need
0:01:27 > 0:01:30to sell my house, then no, you cannot help me.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31I need to speak to my solicitor.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35It's one day, Zara. She is his grandmother.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Have you seen this? It's not even 9am yet.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40We wouldn't let anyone inject our child with nicotine,
0:01:40 > 0:01:43so why is it acceptable to be force feeding them with another poison?
0:01:43 > 0:01:44It's a little bit of chocolate,
0:01:44 > 0:01:48it's hardly tantamount to child abuse, is it?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Don't mind me. We weren't talking about...
0:01:50 > 0:01:54No, but if you think I'm the slightest bit interested in
0:01:54 > 0:01:57whatever bile you two are spitting at each other this morning,
0:01:57 > 0:01:59you're very much mistaken. I'll be in my room.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Good morning.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I know she can be a pain in the backside,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10but the place just wouldn't be the same without her.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11She certainly is a character.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Yeah. And after everything that's happened,
0:02:14 > 0:02:15it doesn't seem fair.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19I'm sure Mrs Tembe's done all she can.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21She wouldn't be letting her go if she didn't have to. Hello,
0:02:21 > 0:02:24can I help you?
0:02:24 > 0:02:26If you took your earphones off...
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Can I help you? Rose Foster. I'm here to see Dr Clay.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Ah, yes. I've got you.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Dr Clay is running a bit behind -
0:02:34 > 0:02:37you could see Dr Vere if you want to be seen straightaway?
0:02:42 > 0:02:44No, thank you. I'll wait for Dr Clay.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Well, if you're sure. Take a seat.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Oh, Dr Carmichael. If you could just bear with me.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02This won't take long.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03I wanted to talk to you about Emma.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06She's obviously not herself.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Yes, well. It is a difficult thing she has gone through.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12Which is why we need to put this incident to bed.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15We need to conduct a proper review. We can't just leave it hanging.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19It is still very raw. We need to proceed sensitively.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21I was hoping to go and see Dr Reid...
0:03:21 > 0:03:24With all due respect, I've already discussed it with the other partners
0:03:24 > 0:03:28and we agree that you have too much on your plate as it is.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Besides, it really needs to be a doctor to make the assessment.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Yes, but... That's all settled, then. Leave it with me. But...
0:03:38 > 0:03:40You seem well, Rose.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43I feel it. At least, I think I feel it.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Any more dark moods?
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Not until this morning.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51What's bothering you?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54Ah, bit of a headache, that's all. Who's the doctor here? Sorry.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56How are you sleeping?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Much better.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01OK. I think it's time we consider lowering your dosage
0:04:01 > 0:04:02of anti-depressant.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I'll give you a prescription for four weeks. That sound OK?
0:04:05 > 0:04:09How are the coping strategies? Are you managing to get out more?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12Not exactly, but I have made a new friend.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Have you seen the report on hospital referral rates?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23It is not in my office.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Well, I haven't moved it, if that's what you're suggesting.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27I am not suggesting anything.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31I am just wondering if you had seen it, that's all.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Despite what everybody thinks,
0:04:32 > 0:04:36actually lost property isn't in my job description.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39I just hope whoever you've got to replace me is amenable to sitting
0:04:39 > 0:04:42on top of a pile of lost gloves and forgotten umbrellas.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47I am looking for a report, not an umbrella.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48That's the same principle, isn't it?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I'm just saying, I haven't got a thing for other people's bits
0:04:51 > 0:04:54and pieces. I'm not a secretarial magpie.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Look, Miss Pitman... I'm quite busy here.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06Right, well, I'll see you both next week.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Good morning, Dr Reid.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I just wanted to come and see how you were feeling.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27I'm fine, except for the fact that I am sick to the back teeth
0:05:27 > 0:05:31of everybody asking me how I am. It's as bad as when Howard died.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34I did not mean to upset you.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37I just wanted you to feel that you are being supported.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Look, at any point during the day,
0:05:40 > 0:05:44you feel that you do not want to treat an infant...
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Not this again. I've already had this from Valerie.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Has there been a complaint or something? No.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Has a yummy mummy been in and said, "Ooh, I don't want
0:05:52 > 0:05:55"the black widow doctor treating my precious first-born?"
0:05:55 > 0:05:59No. No, not at all. I just thought that it might help.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04I obviously misjudged the situation. Yes.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05PHONE RINGS
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Now, if you don't mind, I have work to do, Mrs Tembe.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18DOORBELL
0:06:18 > 0:06:20KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24You asked to see me.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Yes, Emma. I wanted to apologise for this morning.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30Daniel and I weren't talking about you - far from it.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35But given the circumstances, it was insensitive and I really am sorry.
0:06:35 > 0:06:39Is that it? No.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Right, well, whatever it is, do you want to get on with it?
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Lovely morning. Or is it afternoon?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I never know which midday counts as.
0:06:50 > 0:06:54Well, it is two minutes past, so officially afternoon.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Not that... I mean, I wasn't watching the clock or anything.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Two minutes past, is it?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02That means I made it from Cambourne Street in nine minutes exactly.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04That's a new personal best. Very impressive.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I mean, I never go over the speed limit,
0:07:06 > 0:07:10I just like experimenting with different routes.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Silly, really.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Nothing silly in taking pride in your work.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Would you like me to help you unpack?
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Only if you've got time.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21I've got a whole extra two minutes to play with.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24There's a few substitutions, I'm afraid.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25You asked for chopped onions,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28you'll never guess what they've replaced it with...
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Back to basics!
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Serves me right for being so lazy.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Time-efficient. I mean, you're probably out a lot.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39What with your boyfriend, and...
0:07:39 > 0:07:40I haven't got a boyfriend.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Sorry. Butter fingers.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Good job the eggs weren't in that one.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Well, I always pack them separately.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52Although, little-known fact, if you drop an egg
0:07:52 > 0:07:55it's actually good luck, unless of course it doesn't break.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Ooh, I've never heard that one before.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01I's not so much a fact. It's just something my granny taught me.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03I like it. More good luck that way.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Victoria sponge.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Don't tell me, they've sent self-raising flour
0:08:09 > 0:08:11and a recipe book instead.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15You asked for a small one and they've super-sized it.
0:08:15 > 0:08:19That is an ginormous cake, even for me.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Oh, and you know those biscuits you like?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24They were on offer, so I took the liberty
0:08:24 > 0:08:27and popped an extra packet in for you. Thanks.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32I guess I should be on my way, then.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37Unless... I mean, I'm never going to finish all that cake by myself...
0:08:37 > 0:08:40So I wondered if you'd like to stay and share some with me?
0:08:42 > 0:08:43I'd be delighted.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:08:50 > 0:08:54We all understand how difficult it must have been for you,
0:08:54 > 0:08:57these past few weeks. Oh, do you?
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Which is exactly why we think it's important we conduct a proper review
0:09:00 > 0:09:02into what happened to baby Nicolas,
0:09:02 > 0:09:05just so that we can all learn from it and move on.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07TEXT MESSAGE ALERT Excuse me.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14I'm sorry. Am I under investigation? No, not at all.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16We just want to establish exactly what happened
0:09:16 > 0:09:18so that we can ascertain
0:09:18 > 0:09:21what maybe could be done differently in the future. Right.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24I know that raking over all of this is the last thing you want to
0:09:24 > 0:09:28be doing, so why don't we get on with it?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Thanks for the tea. I'm sorry I've got to rush off.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37I don't mean to, it's just that... Personal bests to achieve?
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Exactly.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Is everything all right?
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Fine, fine. I was just going to ask, maybe we could do this again.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47If they send us a big enough cake.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49I'd like that.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Or maybe, if you're not too busy, and I totally understand
0:09:51 > 0:09:54if you're too busy, but if you're not too busy...
0:09:54 > 0:09:55Ronnie? Argh!
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Argh! Ronnie?!
0:09:57 > 0:10:00I'm sorry, I don't know what's come over me. Argh, I feel...
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Pressure...tightening... Please help!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Please!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Please, help me! I can't breathe.
0:10:08 > 0:10:14Something's happening. Ruth, what's wrong? Please! Please! Rose, Rose!
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Tell me about your first impressions of Rhiannon.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21I believed she wanted the best for her child.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26We talked about her first baby, and how she had felt overwhelmed
0:10:26 > 0:10:28by the demands of motherhood.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I didn't think that made her a monster.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33SHE WRITES NOTES
0:10:33 > 0:10:36And the social worker's insights, they didn't change your mind?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39I wasn't there to give an opinion about the child that had already
0:10:39 > 0:10:42been taken away. I was there to take care of her and him...
0:10:43 > 0:10:44..Nicolas.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50It's OK.
0:10:52 > 0:10:58When he was born... I know it's a cliche, but you never stop
0:10:58 > 0:10:59being surprised, do you?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03How tiny they are. How fragile.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08And then, that night...
0:11:08 > 0:11:11OK, just one step at a time.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13Let's just go back.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17Shortly after Nicolas was born, you sought out
0:11:17 > 0:11:21a CAFCASS Children's Guardian on behalf of Rhiannon, is that right?
0:11:21 > 0:11:25So, can you tell me a bit about what motivated you to do that?
0:11:27 > 0:11:32I saw a woman who was doing everything she possibly could
0:11:32 > 0:11:34to protect her unborn child,
0:11:34 > 0:11:38even though they were going to take it away regardless.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Everything she was doing antenatally pointed to
0:11:40 > 0:11:42a conscientious and loving mother.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46I wanted to help her.
0:11:48 > 0:11:49You can understand that, can't you?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Yes, I can.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59So...
0:12:00 > 0:12:03..tell me about the night Nicholas was found.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Are you OK?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Don't touch me!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18PHONE RINGS
0:12:20 > 0:12:21Finally.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Sorry? Oh, I am sorry, Mrs Hollins.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I was expecting someone else.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Oh, is now not a good time?
0:12:29 > 0:12:32I wanted to talk about Valerie.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Yes, yes. Now is fine. OK.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38So, I can't stand by and watch her being treated badly.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42No-one is treating Miss Pitman badly.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44It really is not personal.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46But it is personal. Cos it's not just anybody.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47It's Valerie.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51I'm sure that Miss Pitman will be able to find another position.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54And I intend to give her glowing references.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58See, Valerie knows these surgeries like the back of her hand,
0:12:58 > 0:13:00and experience is everything on reception,
0:13:00 > 0:13:02unless you've forgotten that.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Now, that is not fair.
0:13:05 > 0:13:09Neither is sacking Valerie. No-one is sacking Miss Pitman.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17Look, I appreciate your passion, but my hands are tied.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18'See, I was thinking,'
0:13:18 > 0:13:21why don't we cut out the agency and employ her directly?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I mean, it used to happen all the time when I was temping.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28Yes, well, things are different now.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Miss Pitman's contract clearly stipulates
0:13:31 > 0:13:34'that if we were to employ her ourselves,'
0:13:34 > 0:13:38then we would have to pay the agency an enormous finder's fee
0:13:38 > 0:13:40and we simply cannot afford it.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43Well, you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47And since when did money come before patient care? CAR HORN, TYRES SCREECH
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Mrs Hollins? Oh, I've got to go. Mrs Hollins?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I'd like you to think back over the case as a whole now.
0:13:52 > 0:13:57Were there times when you felt overwhelmed by the responsibility?
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Zara, I've been a doctor for 20 years.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03It never stops being overwhelming.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05I mean, that's the job, isn't it?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08That's what we're dealing with - life and death.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10And do you feel that your colleagues
0:14:10 > 0:14:12were there to support you?
0:14:12 > 0:14:14MOBILE PHONE I'm so sorry.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Oh, I really must actually get this. Hello.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Marion, hi, yes. Marion...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Yes, I am actually at work now.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Why what's happened? What's wrong with Joe?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Carpet cleaner? Poster paint?
0:14:33 > 0:14:37No, actually that was rather an expensive rug. Hello?
0:14:41 > 0:14:45I'm surprised she isn't phoning to tell me he's overdosed on sugar.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Right, where were we?
0:14:47 > 0:14:49You were asking me if I felt supported.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52Yes, that's right.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54And you were telling me that you felt overwhelmed
0:14:54 > 0:14:58by the responsibility. I didn't say that, exactly.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01And did you reach out to your colleagues for support?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I spoke to Ruhma.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06But none of the doctors?
0:15:06 > 0:15:11No. Look, I wasn't on some lone-wolf one-woman crusade,
0:15:11 > 0:15:15if that's what you're implying. I'm not implying anything.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Look, I know this is difficult, but we are really nearly at the end,
0:15:20 > 0:15:21OK?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24It's just, I feel that I...
0:15:24 > 0:15:26TEXT MESSAGE ALERT
0:15:27 > 0:15:28I'm sorry.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33OK, Rose.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Rose, just try and stay calm, OK?
0:15:35 > 0:15:39I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what happened.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43A stabbing pain just here. I just left him there.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46I had to... I couldn't...
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Deep breaths, slowly. Who are you talking about?
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Who did you leave?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I just left him there. He couldn't breathe.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Rose. Rose. I need you to focus on breathing deeply.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Look at me. We're going to breathe in slowly, OK?
0:15:57 > 0:15:59In, and then out...
0:15:59 > 0:16:03Nice and slow. Again, in, nice and slow. Slow as you can.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05One more.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11That's it. OK. Is there someone injured?
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Is that what you're trying to...? Ronnie.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I just left him there.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17OK. You can stay here as long as you need to.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20This Ronnie - is he with someone, is he being looked after?
0:16:20 > 0:16:22My neighbour. KNOCK ON DOOR
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Yeah, come in.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Sorry. I've just spoken to the driver.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30And he said that she just stepped out.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33He managed to stop in time, he didn't hit her.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36OK, well, that makes more sense.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Actually, I think it's someone else that's hurt.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Well, I didn't see anybody else.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42It's complicated. Leave it with me.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52This is the fourth time I have called you today.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Yes, I appreciate that he is a very busy man
0:16:56 > 0:16:58but you must also appreciate
0:16:58 > 0:17:02that if this paperwork is not completed then I will lose my buyer.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07Fine! But just get him to call me as soon as he becomes available.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Thank you.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11What can I do for you, Dr Carter?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I just wanted to talk to you about Valerie.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17For the last time, I have not sacked Miss Pitman.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20I know. But it's quite a tricky situation.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23I know Valerie can be quite testing and
0:17:23 > 0:17:28has a predilection for using 40 words when four will do, but...
0:17:28 > 0:17:30But? She's a jolly good receptionist.
0:17:30 > 0:17:35No-one is disputing Miss Pitman's ability,
0:17:35 > 0:17:37but we cannot possibly employ her at the rate
0:17:37 > 0:17:39the agency is charging.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42You of all people should understand this.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46You were a partner. You know how difficult these decisions are.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50I know. We've discussed budgets, but at the end of the day,
0:17:50 > 0:17:52people must come first.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55That's the sort of place the Mill is.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Surely there's something you can do.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I think that's about everything.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Don't you want to take my fingerprints?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08No-one's looking to place blame.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Aren't they?
0:18:11 > 0:18:13This is about the practice as a whole,
0:18:13 > 0:18:16trying to find out what we can learn and then move on.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23So, I'm going to write up my notes and I will send a copy over to you.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27You can read over them and if you agree that they represent an
0:18:27 > 0:18:30accurate record of everything we've discussed today,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32we can agree to put this behind us.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Is there anything else you want to talk about?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41No, I think that's enough talking, thank you.
0:18:43 > 0:18:49Yes. Yes, I am aware of your policy but given the extenuating
0:18:49 > 0:18:53circumstances, I just thought that you might consider...
0:18:54 > 0:18:58No, of course we are not asking you to do this for everybody,
0:18:58 > 0:19:01we are asking you because of our relationship with Miss Pit...
0:19:04 > 0:19:09Yeah, yeah, I am aware that you need to do your budget, but so do we.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Right, well, thank you. Thank you.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15KNOCK ON DOOR What now?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21I just thought you might want this.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24Don't worry, I won't bother you any more.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Much better, thank you.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34Karen told me that you asked her to call you a cab.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Are you sure you feel up to going home?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39I feel fine. Silly, but fine.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I've completely wasted your time. I'm so sorry. No need to apologise.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I just thought that maybe if I could just get to you,
0:19:44 > 0:19:46then you'd be able to help.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48There is no-one else who understands.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Rose, I am happy to help you in whatever way I can,
0:19:51 > 0:19:55and I'm sure there are plenty of other people who would also help you
0:19:55 > 0:19:56if they knew... And what about Ronnie?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59This friend you were talking about, who was helping you feel better?
0:19:59 > 0:20:03He isn't my friend any more. I abandoned him.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07He'll never speak to me again.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10That's not how friendship works though, is it?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Friends get angry with each other,
0:20:11 > 0:20:14and then they apologise, then they move on.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17But he can't do that unless he knows what he's forgiving you for.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Maybe you should tell him the truth.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23I've never had a friend before, not really.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26When you say friend, do you mean partner?
0:20:27 > 0:20:32I tried, once. I couldn't tell who was touching who.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34Where his feelings ended and mine began.
0:20:35 > 0:20:41I'm making it sound romantic, but it's not. It's terrifying.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Love is terrifying.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43Who hurt you?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46We're not talking about me, are we?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I think you should talk to Ronnie.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Even if you're not ready to tell him who you really are,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53you should tell him how you feel.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56What's the point? Who's going to love a freak like me?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58We're all freaks when it comes to love.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00KNOCK ON DOOR Yep.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Taxi's here. I'm on my way.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Thanks very much for everything.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Just think about what I said, yeah?
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Googling kittens again?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15No, it's nothing.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17It's your mother, isn't it?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19SHE SIGHS
0:21:19 > 0:21:20How did it go with Emma?
0:21:20 > 0:21:22I'll fill you in later.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25I need to go and speak to her again, first.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32The notes...
0:21:32 > 0:21:35I've read through them and I'm absolutely certain
0:21:35 > 0:21:38that there's no indication of wrong-doing on your part.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Well, thank you. You don't need to thank me.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Oh, no, but to be absolved by Saint Zara, well...
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Honestly...
0:21:45 > 0:21:47There is no pleasing you, is there?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Well, if you think wallowing is going to help,
0:21:49 > 0:21:51then you just carry right on.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59You? I understand if you don't want to see me.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01You just left.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04At first, I thought you were hurt too, but you couldn't have been.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05I had a heart attack.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07How could you do this to me?
0:22:07 > 0:22:08I'm sorry.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I know I can't do anything to make it up to you, but...
0:22:13 > 0:22:14I brought these.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Like I said, I'm a heart patient.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Sorry. Stupid idea.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22I know I'm just the guy who brings the shopping,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24but I thought we got on.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25We did.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27We do!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29So why? I was frightened.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31I thought I was dying.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Time's up.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35And there was this moment when I told myself,
0:22:35 > 0:22:40it's OK. For once I wasn't on my own, cos I was with you. Stupid.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46You know you said when you thought I was hurt too? Well, I was.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47That isn't possible.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51I'm not saying it was the same pain, but I felt it, here.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Crushing pressure.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Are you taking the mickey? It's hard to explain.
0:22:59 > 0:23:00I have this...condition.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Mirror-touch synaesthesia. Mirror what?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07It's a neurological condition. Is it dangerous?
0:23:07 > 0:23:11It's not an illness. It's just my brain is wired differently.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14I feel things.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I hyper-empathise.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I don't understand.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23You know if you watch a film and you see someone's injured,
0:23:23 > 0:23:26and you sort of wince?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29That happens to me all the time.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33When someone is touched, I feel it. Even now?
0:23:33 > 0:23:37The scratchiness of the sheets, a throb of the drip in your arm?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43A cold tingle. Fear.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47You feel that too? When someone's happy, then I hear music.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51And if someone's angry, it's this red-hot thud.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52That's incredible.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I can't cope with fear or pain. I'm sorry.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58How long have you had it? Most of my life.
0:23:59 > 0:24:00I used to think everyone felt it,
0:24:00 > 0:24:03but then I was watching this horror film at university
0:24:03 > 0:24:07and it literally felt like I was being tortured.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10My house mates made me go to the doctor's.
0:24:10 > 0:24:15They prescribed some medication that dulled the sensations for a while.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Eventually, I found the right specialist for my diagnosis.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20So are there many people that have this...
0:24:20 > 0:24:22..mirror-touch synaesthesia.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25It's very rare, but there are forums, networks,
0:24:25 > 0:24:27that kind of thing.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Even there, I'm a bit of a freak.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34More sensitive, more easily overwhelmed.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36I've never really fitted in, either.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39Maybe it's something we could work on...together?
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Why would you want to waste your time on a misfit like me?
0:24:42 > 0:24:45You're not a misfit. I mean, it's a gift.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48It's like something out of a superhero movie.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49Hardly. No, I mean it.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52How many people would love to know exactly
0:24:52 > 0:24:53what somebody else is feeling?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56How many people would want to get inside somebody else's head?
0:24:56 > 0:24:59It isn't exactly like that.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01So tell me what it's like.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44You wouldn't believe the humiliation that I have been subjected to.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48I had hoped that Dr Carmichael would have handled the situation
0:25:48 > 0:25:49with a little more sensitivity.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Hang on a minute. You knew about this?
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Was that your idea?
0:25:55 > 0:25:59No... No, not exactly. Please... Please, take a seat.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03I'm not some child that's been sent to the headmistress, Mrs Tembe.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08All day, I have been patronised and undermined.
0:26:08 > 0:26:12If you have felt like that, then I can only apologise. PHONE RINGS
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Are you going to answer that?
0:26:15 > 0:26:18No, this is far more important.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Look, you are obviously experiencing some difficult emotions.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25What can we do to support you?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Perhaps you should reconsider counselling -
0:26:28 > 0:26:31it will help you to process what you have experienced.
0:26:31 > 0:26:37What I've experienced? A child died, and it could have been avoided.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40If I had had more time, more resources.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42We all wish the circumstances were different.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Yes, well, wishing it is one thing, isn't it?
0:26:44 > 0:26:46but where was the support when I needed it?
0:26:46 > 0:26:49Oh, no. You were too busy with your new office and contacting
0:26:49 > 0:26:52your suppliers... Dr Reid, I did offer you support...
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Well, it didn't feel like it!
0:26:55 > 0:26:58If Howard was here instead of you...
0:26:58 > 0:27:03If Howard was still here, then none of this would have happened.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20He's fine. We both are.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22I bet they're excited.
0:27:22 > 0:27:23Mum's insane.
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Why are you doing this, Marion? I'm not sure I know what you mean.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29You really will not be happy until this entire household
0:27:29 > 0:27:31is transported back to the 1950s!
0:27:31 > 0:27:34You all right? Yeah, just one of those contraction things.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Here's baby number one.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40Hello! Oh! She's really moving around.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Need a medic.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12# We are weightless... #