0:00:26 > 0:00:28I can't believe that I actually won.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31They had loads of entries, but my slogan was the best.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Go on.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36"Art is a big p-art of my he-art".
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Do I look arty enough?
0:00:40 > 0:00:43There's going to be a reporter there from the Letherbridge News.
0:00:43 > 0:00:44You look fine, Valerie.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46We might even make the front page.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49I suppose it depends if there's been a murder or something.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55That just came to me in a dream.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Total explosion of colour.
0:00:57 > 0:00:58I love this one.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Very tricky to pull off.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Welcome, welcome. You must be Valerie.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Melanie Haslam, arts officer.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07I'm Sid. Lovely to meet you, Sid.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08This is Freddie, our artist -
0:01:08 > 0:01:10he'll be guiding your endeavours for today.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Hi. And this is Clark.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18Can I just say how excited I am to be the winner of the community arts scheme.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20As a cancer survivor, I feel I can be a great
0:01:20 > 0:01:23inspiration to other people dealing with life-threatening illness.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26I'm not... If you want to take any notes...
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Have you got one of those recordy things?
0:01:29 > 0:01:30Sorry, erm...
0:01:30 > 0:01:32You're not from the newspaper?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Clark's our publicity officer,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37he's here to take some photos for the website.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41Oh. I thought we were going to be in the Letherbridge News.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44They'll be send someone over later, after you've finished,
0:01:44 > 0:01:46so you can tell them what a good time you've had.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49And you will have a good time, I promise.
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Freddie's worked on several arts projects for us, with great success.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Shall we take some photos?
0:01:55 > 0:01:56How about...
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Big smiles, everyone.
0:02:01 > 0:02:02And again.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Thank you, Clark. Let's have a look.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Yeah, e-mail those to me when you get back to the office. Sure thing.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Well, I'll leave you in Freddie's capable hands. Enjoy your day.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Questionnaire time.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21It's not a test local government loves its forms.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Oh, and if the fire alarm goes off, get the heck out.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Be right back.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32"What are your expectations for the day?"
0:02:32 > 0:02:34I'm not really expecting anything.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35What are you putting?
0:02:35 > 0:02:39I expect to be part of making an amazing piece of art.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42A muse, like Rossetti's girlfriends.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45I think the pre-Raphaelites are marvellous.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49If you're going to be posing, what am I doing?
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Cleaning paintbrushes?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Wouldn't be surprised if it's conceptual actually,
0:02:52 > 0:02:54maybe even performance-based.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56I've never really understood conceptual art.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57MUSIC BLARES
0:02:57 > 0:02:59What's that?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I think he wants us to put them on.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19OK. I'm not too sure about this, Valerie.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Don't worry about it, Sid, it's art!
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Hello?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Freddie?
0:03:30 > 0:03:31MUSIC STOPS
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Mel!
0:03:35 > 0:03:36What's going on?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Someone locked me in there.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40You should have said in your text.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I didn't text you.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43But...
0:03:43 > 0:03:46You're hurt?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I fell over when they shoved me in there.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52My poor love. Why would anyone do such a thing?
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Where are the civilians?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58What is happening?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00It's a car.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Do you want us to get in?
0:04:03 > 0:04:04We're going on a road trip.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05Why are they moving us?
0:04:05 > 0:04:08I expect he wants it to be a surprise.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Valerie...
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Carpe diem.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20DISEMBODIED VOICE: Welcome, honoured guests.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24You are about to embark on a life-changing artistic journey.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Please fasten your seatbelts.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28They can't have gone far.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31That wasn't here before.
0:04:31 > 0:04:34VALERIE: Cooee. Anybody there?
0:04:37 > 0:04:39SID: Can we take these off now?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42There must be a light switch around here somewhere.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Try by the door. What door?
0:04:44 > 0:04:47DISEMBODIED VOICE: Turn it off.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49We can't see anything.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Turn it off. I will reward you.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54?100.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Turn it off.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Go on, let's see what happens.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06It's all right. It's just a model.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10You may take your ?100 reward.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16It looks real.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20It is real, and there's plenty more where that came from.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21How much more?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23?5,000.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Would you like to play for ?5,000 to share between you?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Yes! I haven't finished.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36You can win the ?5,000 by following my instructions,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38or you can donate the money to charity,
0:05:38 > 0:05:42right now and return to your starting point.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Play or donate.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48You have ten seconds to give me your answer.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Play.
0:05:53 > 0:05:54I don't believe this.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Calm down. Calm down! They've hijacked my participants.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Well, shouting at me isn't going to bring them back.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02I'm not shouting at you.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05This is a direct challenge, a provocation.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07We need to find them.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11Of course we do. Come on, let's get security involved.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16Freddie - I'd rather not get anyone else involved, not in an official capacity.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Do you have any idea how difficult it was to get this project approved?
0:06:20 > 0:06:21There are people on the arts committee
0:06:21 > 0:06:23just waiting to stab me in the back.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24So what do you suggest?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26They can't have gone far.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29We keep a low profile, track them down ourselves.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37Valerie, what have you done with the QOF paperwork?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Hello. Sorry, I can't take your call today.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I'm otherwise engaged creating a work of art -
0:06:42 > 0:06:45it's my prize for winning a prestigious competition.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Further details can be found at letherbridge.gov.uk/...
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Great.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11Hello, yes, may I speak to Melanie Haslam, please. It's urgent.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Well, can I leave a message?
0:07:16 > 0:07:19VALERIE: I love a rococo frame.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Valerie. Sid.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Are you ready to begin?
0:07:24 > 0:07:28Yes. We're ready, ready for anything.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Suppose so.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32You must create a thing of beauty from the objects in this room.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35If you are successful then you will proceed on your journey
0:07:35 > 0:07:38towards the prize.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39It's a load of old tat.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43A true artist can work with any materials.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45How long have we got?
0:07:45 > 0:07:46As long as you need.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49But there are conditions -
0:07:49 > 0:07:51only one of you can make the art,
0:07:51 > 0:07:52and once that person starts,
0:07:52 > 0:07:55you cannot change your mind or help each other.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Choose carefully.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I'll do it.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Shouldn't we discuss this?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Why?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04There's a lot of money at stake. Surely the best person
0:08:04 > 0:08:06for the job should do the task?
0:08:06 > 0:08:07Well, that's me, obviously.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10I have already won an art competition with my slogan.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Yes, but that was more theory, this is practice.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17And what exactly do you bring to the party?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19I did an evening class once.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22The tutor said I had a good eye.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23Excuse me.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27Who gets to decide whether the artwork is a thing of beauty?
0:08:27 > 0:08:28I do.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Not your tutor.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Do you even recognise the room?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Tell Dr Carmichael whatever you like!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40One of Valerie's colleagues is having some sort of crisis.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44She wants her to ring the Campus Surgery, urgently.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52So you really don't know what my leaving present is?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54No.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57You just don't want to spoil the surprise.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Thanks Karen, I've got it now.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04At least someone knows what they're doing. Bye.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07And we're done here.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10You have completed your thing of beauty. Is that correct?
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Correct.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Valerie, please explain your concept.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Explain my concept? Yes.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Please. What makes your creation a thing of beauty?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27What aspect of beauty does it represent?
0:09:29 > 0:09:34Well, it...
0:09:34 > 0:09:37it's a waterfall.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41It's a beautiful waterfall gushing over a precipice
0:09:41 > 0:09:43into a beautiful rock pool.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45A waterfall?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47A beautiful, gushing waterfall.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51Congratulations, Valerie, you have created a thing of beauty.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Valerie and Sid, you may now pass through the door,
0:09:57 > 0:10:00where your next task awaits you.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02This is just like Big Brother.
0:10:16 > 0:10:22Valerie and Sid, to proceed to the ?5,000,
0:10:22 > 0:10:27you must sort the buttons by colour into the jars.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28You can do this one.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30That's very generous of you.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34No, not really. It's a bit dull, like filing.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41He didn't say that we couldn't both do this one.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Um, excuse me, can we both do this task?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53I bet this is a wind-up.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55The sooner you get started, the sooner you'll finish.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58Do you really think the council's going to give us ?5,000 for sorting a few buttons?
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Well, they gave us ?100 for switching the light out.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08Of course there's no ?5,000, of course it's a wind-up.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11?5,000. That's the same as your grant.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13That's not a coincidence.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14And your point is?
0:11:14 > 0:11:16I've funded several of your projects.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19So what? People talk.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Perhaps I should have gone for someone else on this one.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I'm the best, and you know it.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Whoever's done this is sending us a message.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Why didn't they just e-mail us?
0:11:27 > 0:11:28It really reminds me of something.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31I haven't got time to ponder imponderables.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33We have to find them or seek replacements.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35It's too late for that - the publicity's all about Valerie.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39PHONE RINGS
0:11:39 > 0:11:42Sue. You have?
0:11:42 > 0:11:43OK.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45She's checked the CCTV.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47They've left the building.
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Valerie, is turquoise green or blue?
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Valerie, green or blue?
0:12:04 > 0:12:05VALERIE SNORES
0:12:14 > 0:12:17He's probably dismembering their bodies with a chainsaw as we speak.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19It's Valerie, snoring.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20That woman is bone idle.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Not to mention full of herself.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24She actually believed that pile of junk was art.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28It's pride, and sloth. The first room with the banker and the cash,
0:12:28 > 0:12:29that was greed.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30It's the seven deadly sins.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34How original. The seven deadly sins.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36I knew the concept seemed familiar -
0:12:36 > 0:12:38we had a funding application, it was really creative.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41If it was so great why didn't you give the money to them?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Because the artist wasn't you.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Thanks for the endorsement(!)
0:12:46 > 0:12:50If the artist applied for a grant you'll still have the details.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54Congratulations.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59You have successfully completed the task.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08I'm starving.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Step away from the buffet.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16No-one eats until I have outlined the conditions.
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Conditions?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Only one of you may partake in the refreshments.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21What?
0:13:21 > 0:13:25If you wish to play for the ?5,000, only one of you can eat.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Who?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28It is up to you to decide.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31The chosen person can indulge in as much as they want,
0:13:31 > 0:13:35but if a morsel touches the other's lips, your quest ends here.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Look, I think I should eat.
0:13:40 > 0:13:41I am recovering from cancer.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44It's quite important my nutritional needs are met.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Also, you're always skipping lunch at work.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Only when I'm busy.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50I didn't have any breakfast.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52You should always have breakfast.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53That's the most important meal of the day.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56So you did eat this morning?
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Like I say, it's quite important that I eat regularly.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02It doesn't matter what I say does it?
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Thanks for understanding.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06You do know that you've made every single decision so far.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08I don't see what the problem is.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11This is my prize - you are my plus one.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Why did you even ask me?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15The rules said I had to bring someone of the opposite sex,
0:14:15 > 0:14:18which disqualified my closest friends.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20You were my top man.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Look, cheesy twists.
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Tell you what - you can make the next decision.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Thanks.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Don't tell me it's not there!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Half the day's gone and I haven't even started.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Maybe the application was for last year's scheme.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Do you have to be so melodramatic?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44My reputation's on the line here.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47You've got a journalist coming in a couple of hours. What kind of story
0:14:47 > 0:14:49are they going to write based on today's shambles, eh?
0:14:49 > 0:14:52I'll be back in five minutes. Where are you going?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55To the archives. Try and hold it together.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Find out who's doing this to me.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01MUSIC: Just Can't Get Enough by Depeche Mode
0:15:01 > 0:15:02Aren't you done yet?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04I think I can manage another one of these.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Really? You've already had five tartlets and four of the vine leaves,
0:15:08 > 0:15:12half a dozen cheesy twists and shedloads of olives.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15Can you not tell him you're finished so we can carry on with the stupid game?
0:15:15 > 0:15:16You're probably right.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Six savoury tartlets probably is excessive.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21I need to save room for dessert.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24Ooh, profiteroles.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26I'm a big fan of profiteroles.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29You don't have to try everything.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Oh, but I do.
0:15:31 > 0:15:32You do know gluttony's a sin?
0:15:32 > 0:15:33I'm not religious.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Very attractive.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I think I've had enough.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02You can say that again.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I thought you'd finished.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09This is for later.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Thank you very much for lunch.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16We are ready to continue.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Valerie.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Sid.
0:16:20 > 0:16:21Your next task is...
0:16:23 > 0:16:27..a shopping trip to spend the ?100 you won earlier.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Yes!
0:16:28 > 0:16:32You must now decide which one of you goes shopping.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Which one?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36The one who is going shopping must take the key from the wall
0:16:36 > 0:16:39and exit through the door marked X.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42They must proceed to the craft shop and cafe adjacent to this
0:16:42 > 0:16:46building and spend ?100 on the item or items
0:16:46 > 0:16:48of their choice before returning here.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50And the other one?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54The person who is not going shopping must go through the door marked Y...
0:16:54 > 0:16:55and wait.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Wait for what? Wait for further instructions.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Come on then, we agreed.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Yeah, I know we did agree, but maybe it would be better to split
0:17:05 > 0:17:07the money just in case the ?5,000 doesn't work out.
0:17:07 > 0:17:0950-50. That's only fair.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12No, he said spend all of it.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Maybe I could make you a list.
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Have you got a pen?
0:17:14 > 0:17:18What I buy has to be my choice, he said.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Excuse me? Could you clarify the position?
0:17:21 > 0:17:26Better not risk it, not with five grand at stake. Come on.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42CLATTERING AND YELLING
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Valerie, please don't kick the bucket.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48You are toying with me.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51This isn't art, it's cruelty.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54You seemed happy enough earlier on -
0:17:54 > 0:17:56why the change of heart?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59It's my prize and Sid's spending it.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01You're envious of him.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Can I go now?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07You are free to leave at any time.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11But if you want to win the ?5,000, you must stay where you are.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14How do I know you're not lying?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16You don't know, Valerie.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Five minutes you said. More like 45.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27It's A Sin - an immersive art installation by Lewis Connor.
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Never heard of him. He's obviously a nobody.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33I know everyone on the Midlands art circuit.
0:18:33 > 0:18:34What an amateur,
0:18:34 > 0:18:39he actually believes this derivative excrement is worthy of funding.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Because your pretentious drivel is so much better.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47He rents space on Crofton Street.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48Come on.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Did you just call my art pretentious drivel?
0:18:55 > 0:18:56Valerie.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00On the shelf in front of you is a blindfold.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Could you put it on, please.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22MUSIC: Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye
0:19:24 > 0:19:29You can take your blindfold off now, Valerie.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41So, Valerie...
0:19:43 > 0:19:45May I call you Valerie?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47You may.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Are you enjoying your day?
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Good.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I'd like to get to know you better.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Would you?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Would you like to sit down?
0:20:04 > 0:20:08So, tell me about yourself.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10What do you want to know?
0:20:10 > 0:20:13Everything, Valerie.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Everything.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Well, I'm not in a relationship.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I'm sorry. It's not you, it's the Lycra.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Would you mind?
0:20:53 > 0:20:54We're here.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08She's...
0:21:08 > 0:21:09I don't believe it.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11He's...
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Hot? Half naked?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15He's seducing her.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17He's seducing my subject!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19He can seduce me any day of the week.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39You really are in very good shape.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Thank you, Valerie.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45You have beautiful auricles.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47Do I?
0:21:47 > 0:21:52Did you know the earlobe has tens of thousands of nerve endings?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Which makes them very sensitive.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Get away from her.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Sid, it's fine.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I know what you're up to. He's trying to seduce you.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Well, I am over 21. Just.
0:22:06 > 0:22:10He doesn't fancy you, Valerie - it's for the installation.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Sorry, you've lost me. We are the art.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15They're trying to make us commit the seven deadly sins.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17What are you feeling right now?
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Confused.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Before confused, before I came into the room - lust?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23I don't think that's any of your business, actually.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25The first room - that was greed.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28We could have donated that ?5,000 to charity, and we didn't.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30The second room - you insisted you'd be better than
0:22:30 > 0:22:33at creating that artwork than me - pride.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35The third room - sloth. You made me sort the buttons on my own.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Fourth room - gluttony.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38No!
0:22:38 > 0:22:41If you weren't so self-obsessed, you'd have seen it for yourself.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43It's not true. Is it?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47How long have you known?
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Not long.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Since before you went shopping?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Sid, how could you?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56This is what he wants - wrath!
0:22:56 > 0:22:59And you, you monster!
0:22:59 > 0:23:02I'm not a puppet to be manipulated.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04This has nothing to do with Freddie.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06He kidnapped you.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08He's an impostor.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09We are so sorry for what you've been through.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13You have no idea. Yes, we do.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15PHONE RINGS
0:23:19 > 0:23:21I'm busy.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Is this your idea of fun, is it?
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Not fun, art.
0:23:28 > 0:23:34Taunting me, humiliating me, making me look like a vain,
0:23:34 > 0:23:36grasping harpy with low morals.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38You are despicable!
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Don't be upset, Valerie.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43It's time for you to claim your prize.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45There really is ?5,000?
0:23:45 > 0:23:47He's not going to give you five grand.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48I'm not.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49You are.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51The grant he received for today's community art project.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53There is no prize.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Freddie's had a lot of public funding from Melanie
0:23:56 > 0:23:58over the last couple of years.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00This is strictly against the rules because they
0:24:00 > 0:24:02are in a relationship which they haven't declared.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Who told you that?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07If this information became common knowledge,
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Melanie would probably lose her job.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Sorry, what's this got to do with us?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15I have no doubt our fraudulent friends will gladly give you
0:24:15 > 0:24:18the cash in return for your...
0:24:18 > 0:24:19discretion.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Isn't that blackmail?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Absolutely.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25I'm afraid there's been a big misunderstanding -
0:24:25 > 0:24:29the ?5,000 was always going to go to Valerie at the end of today.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34Freddie volunteered his time and expert guidance free of charge.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36She's just saying that cos they're in trouble?
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Yeah. Yeah.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Sorry, I couldn't possibly accept the money,
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I wouldn't feel comfortable.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45I'm about to start working in the charitable sector.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47PHONE RINGS
0:24:49 > 0:24:50Mr Hanbury.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54What? Yes, sir, right away.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Hanbury. What's that miserable old git want?
0:24:55 > 0:24:58He's an outstanding Chief Exec. He's a massive pillock.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01Freddie, don't say another word. What's wrong with you? You can't stand him.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03We're streaming live to the web!
0:25:08 > 0:25:13Sir, I have the utmost respect for you and all of the work
0:25:13 > 0:25:15you put into running the Council.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18I will cooperate fully with any enquiry
0:25:18 > 0:25:21into the misappropriation of public funds.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Mr Templar will return the money.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26I won those commissions fair and square.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Shut up, you idiot!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30Melanie!
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Looks like Melanie and Freddie intend to resolve
0:25:35 > 0:25:38their personal and artistic differences in private.
0:25:38 > 0:25:44Well, that concludes It's A Sin - my interactive art project
0:25:44 > 0:25:47engaging the community through moral and ethical challenges
0:25:47 > 0:25:51whilst exposing the corruption at the core of the arts funding.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Sorry, can I say something?
0:25:54 > 0:25:59Hello. I'd like to apologise for my sinful behaviour today,
0:25:59 > 0:26:01although as far as sins go, I don't see how eating
0:26:01 > 0:26:04a plate of hors d'oeuvres is any more deadly than, say,
0:26:04 > 0:26:06mugging an old lady for her pension.
0:26:07 > 0:26:12Maybe someone from the theological community could look into that.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17And finally, I'd like to emphasise that the views expressed
0:26:17 > 0:26:21during the making of this art are my own and not those
0:26:21 > 0:26:25of my new employer, the Machlachlan Trust.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Thank you for watching.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31No, Valerie, thank you.
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47I said some mean things.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51No, I had it coming. I've been very silly, haven't I?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54No. I really am self-obsessed.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58You didn't commit half as many deadly sins as I did.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00And you tried to rescue me when you thought I was in the clutches
0:27:00 > 0:27:02of an evil seducer.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05I'll always have your back, Valerie.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09You're very special, certainly one of a kind.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14It's been an honour sharing your prize with you.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17I hope you like it - I made it myself with a bit of help
0:27:17 > 0:27:19from the artist running the craft shop.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22I love it.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25I'm really going to miss you, Valerie.
0:27:25 > 0:27:26Oh, Sid.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35It's not as bad as it looks. There's no structural damage.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37It's mainly smoke and water.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39I've got twin girls, Summer and August.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41No prizes for guessing when they were born.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45Get off me! Get your hands off me!
0:27:45 > 0:27:46Now that looks sore.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49I must say, you've been very discreet about my leaving do.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51I didn't know there was a leaving do.
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Ha-ha!
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Very good.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Get your pills! Side-effects guaranteed.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30'I'm a doctor. I believe that many common illnesses
0:28:30 > 0:28:31'are best treated without drugs.'
0:28:31 > 0:28:33We're just prescribing
0:28:33 > 0:28:34more and more pills.
0:28:34 > 0:28:37Patients want a quick fix. We need a revolution.