The Fiddle

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0:00:37 > 0:00:38MAN TUTS

0:00:40 > 0:00:42HE SIGHS

0:00:49 > 0:00:52Oh... Oh!

0:00:52 > 0:00:55If you're going to treat this place like a hotel,

0:00:55 > 0:00:58then I'll have to start charging you.

0:00:58 > 0:01:02Heaven knows how I managed to sleep with all this going on.

0:01:02 > 0:01:06From being dosed up with this wretched cold, one supposes.

0:01:06 > 0:01:09Oh, look at you. Don't lecture me.

0:01:09 > 0:01:10Oh, please.

0:01:10 > 0:01:13If there's one thing I know, it's not to waste my breath there.

0:01:13 > 0:01:18No. If I am to get through to you, I imagine it'll be financially.

0:01:22 > 0:01:24You'll miss that pocket money, won't you?

0:01:24 > 0:01:27Look, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

0:01:27 > 0:01:30Aren't you the least bit ashamed of yourself?

0:01:43 > 0:01:45Shouldn't you be in work?

0:01:45 > 0:01:48I'm ill. What's your excuse, I wonder?

0:01:52 > 0:01:54Fine. I'm off.

0:02:01 > 0:02:04FOOTSTEPS TIPTOE

0:02:12 > 0:02:13Busted.

0:02:16 > 0:02:17I didn't wake you, did I?

0:02:19 > 0:02:20You almost made it.

0:02:22 > 0:02:25Just thought I should get out. Saves you any awkward questions.

0:02:25 > 0:02:26Jimmi, it's fine.

0:02:26 > 0:02:29No, you know, I enjoyed it...

0:02:29 > 0:02:30It's fine, Jimmi.

0:02:30 > 0:02:32No. I meant it was...nice.

0:02:32 > 0:02:34Oh, well, that's reassuring.

0:02:36 > 0:02:40To talk, to connect? It was nice as well as having...

0:02:40 > 0:02:42The other kind of...? Yeah.

0:02:42 > 0:02:44Yeah.

0:02:44 > 0:02:47Well, I'm glad we both enjoyed ourselves.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50But...our secret, yeah?

0:02:50 > 0:02:51Yeah, of course.

0:02:51 > 0:02:53LOUD MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY

0:02:53 > 0:02:54Hang on!

0:02:55 > 0:02:58Listen. That'll be Sid.

0:02:58 > 0:03:00He'll be in the bathroom for at least five minutes.

0:03:00 > 0:03:01Give you a chance to escape.

0:03:20 > 0:03:22Morning. You gonna be much longer?

0:03:25 > 0:03:26What?

0:03:26 > 0:03:28HE MUMBLES

0:03:40 > 0:03:42KEYS JANGLE IN HIS HAND

0:03:46 > 0:03:49HE UNLOCKS DOOR

0:04:24 > 0:04:26KNOCK ON DOOR

0:04:27 > 0:04:29SHE KNOCKS LOUDLY

0:04:29 > 0:04:30Ah! There you are.

0:04:30 > 0:04:31Yes. Hello?

0:04:31 > 0:04:33May I come in?

0:04:33 > 0:04:36Yeah...oh...er...

0:04:36 > 0:04:38One moment, please!

0:04:44 > 0:04:45HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:04:48 > 0:04:52Wonderful. I was worried you might be closed today. Well...we...

0:04:52 > 0:04:54I'm so glad you're here.

0:04:54 > 0:04:57I've left it terribly late, I know.

0:04:57 > 0:04:58Oh, I do hope you can help me.

0:04:58 > 0:05:00With...? Here we are.

0:05:02 > 0:05:04Antique, so I'm told.

0:05:04 > 0:05:06Might be worth something.

0:05:08 > 0:05:10Don't suppose you're in the market, are you?

0:05:12 > 0:05:14So you didn't enjoy it at all?

0:05:14 > 0:05:16I was just exhausted by the end of it.

0:05:16 > 0:05:18Couldn't go on as long as you.

0:05:18 > 0:05:20You know what they say - "Go big, or go home."

0:05:20 > 0:05:22You had a good time? Yeah. Loved it.

0:05:22 > 0:05:25Took me a while to get into it. The longer you do it,

0:05:25 > 0:05:27the better you get. If I had hands like yours...

0:05:27 > 0:05:30Don't be hard on yourself cos when you doubled-down, I went bust...

0:05:30 > 0:05:32HE COUGHS

0:05:32 > 0:05:33You should see a doctor about that.

0:05:33 > 0:05:36Anyway, no-one's a natural. You have to work at it.

0:05:40 > 0:05:42Morning.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44Morning. Sleep all right?

0:05:44 > 0:05:47Yeah, I must have done. I didn't hear a thing!

0:05:48 > 0:05:50Sorry?

0:05:50 > 0:05:53Oh. I don't mean to gossip or anything.

0:05:53 > 0:05:57I saw Jimmi on his way out this morning. Ah.

0:05:57 > 0:06:01And I know it's totally none of my business and I'm just happy

0:06:01 > 0:06:02everyone's enjoying themselves.

0:06:02 > 0:06:04Right.

0:06:04 > 0:06:08Sounded like he had a good time anyway. Tea?

0:06:08 > 0:06:10Yes, please.

0:06:12 > 0:06:14Not bad, eh?

0:06:16 > 0:06:17Hello.

0:06:17 > 0:06:20Wow, this is a really cool shop.

0:06:20 > 0:06:23Thank you. I'm sorry, we're not really open.

0:06:23 > 0:06:24Oh...

0:06:24 > 0:06:26What are you after, dear?

0:06:26 > 0:06:30I was looking for one of those fancy, writing, fountain pen things.

0:06:30 > 0:06:33I think I saw some over there. Oh, OK.

0:06:34 > 0:06:36Never mind what he's doing.

0:06:36 > 0:06:39I'm in a bit of a rush, so if you could just...

0:06:39 > 0:06:41Sorry, of course, madam.

0:06:41 > 0:06:43Well, if you'd like a complete valuation,

0:06:43 > 0:06:45I should really get this under a...

0:06:46 > 0:06:47..a UV spectrum carbon light.

0:06:47 > 0:06:49Would you mind terribly if I took the item out back?

0:06:49 > 0:06:51Whatever you need to do.

0:06:59 > 0:07:01It's Mr Harvey.

0:07:01 > 0:07:02The Mr Harvey? Yeah.

0:07:04 > 0:07:07He's a lot younger than I expected.

0:07:07 > 0:07:09He's a business prodigy. Self-made.

0:07:09 > 0:07:11So stylish.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13So stylish...

0:07:14 > 0:07:16Good body language, too. Very confident.

0:07:16 > 0:07:18Very.

0:07:18 > 0:07:19He's quite handsome, too.

0:07:22 > 0:07:23Yes, I suppose.

0:07:23 > 0:07:25I should go and say hello.

0:07:25 > 0:07:29Well, um... before you do, I need you to dig out the files for

0:07:29 > 0:07:30Dr Shevchuk again.

0:07:30 > 0:07:34THEY CONVERSE

0:07:36 > 0:07:40Fancy a coffee? Oh, if you're buying...

0:07:51 > 0:07:53How are we getting on in there?

0:07:53 > 0:07:56Please, madam. It's a very delicate task.

0:07:56 > 0:07:58All in good time, I assure you.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07Will you be much longer, do you think?

0:08:07 > 0:08:10Sorry to keep you waiting.

0:08:10 > 0:08:13Oh, going somewhere nice? I'm sorry?

0:08:13 > 0:08:16You're travelling aren't you? Excuse me. What did you find out

0:08:16 > 0:08:17about the violin? Well...

0:08:17 > 0:08:21you're right, it is an antique, but, sadly, not a particularly rare one.

0:08:21 > 0:08:23There is a definite market for sale,

0:08:23 > 0:08:26so we'd be more than happy to take it off your hands.

0:08:26 > 0:08:30This particular model... I'd say ?700.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32No, no, no. It's worth a lot more than that.

0:08:32 > 0:08:34You're free to seek another appraisal,

0:08:34 > 0:08:37if you have the time, of course. Sorry to interrupt...

0:08:37 > 0:08:39It's worth ?1,000 at least, I know that much.

0:08:39 > 0:08:42Possibly. But that would be at auction and I have to cover

0:08:42 > 0:08:44my own percentages and commission.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47?750. This box doesn't have a price on it.

0:08:47 > 0:08:51900. 750 is my best offer. Sorry.

0:08:51 > 0:08:54750. 800 is my lowest. My absolute lowest.

0:08:54 > 0:08:56800 it is.

0:08:56 > 0:09:00How much for these comics...? OK! Yes! ?15, will ?15 do?

0:09:00 > 0:09:04Say again? 1-5, 15? 1-5 pound sterling for the Omega League?

0:09:04 > 0:09:06Yes, please.

0:09:08 > 0:09:10800?

0:09:14 > 0:09:17In cash. Please.

0:09:17 > 0:09:20So, I'm due to run the men's sexual health clinic at the campus

0:09:20 > 0:09:22next week, and Mrs Tembe says you ran one a few months ago.

0:09:22 > 0:09:24I was wondering if you had any notes, or leaflets,

0:09:24 > 0:09:26that sort of thing? Yeah. Probably. Let me have a look.

0:09:26 > 0:09:28Just be prepared for time-wasters, though.

0:09:28 > 0:09:29KNOCK ON DOOR

0:09:29 > 0:09:30Yes?

0:09:31 > 0:09:32There you go.

0:09:32 > 0:09:34Thank you.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37Catch you later, yeah? Yeah.

0:09:37 > 0:09:41Hello. Hi. Are you all right? I'm fine.

0:09:47 > 0:09:48Late night?

0:09:48 > 0:09:50Not as young as I used to be.

0:09:50 > 0:09:53I'm sure that's not a problem for some people. Hm?

0:09:53 > 0:09:57Look, if you find anything, just let me know, yeah? Cheers.

0:10:00 > 0:10:03Unfortunately, there's not as much petty cash as I calculated.

0:10:03 > 0:10:06This always happens when my dotty father's in charge of banking.

0:10:06 > 0:10:09Yes, yes, but what does that mean? I'm going to have to close up

0:10:09 > 0:10:11the premises and get some funds released from my accountant.

0:10:11 > 0:10:13Shouldn't be more than an hour, really.

0:10:13 > 0:10:15You're joking? I'm afraid not.

0:10:15 > 0:10:18On top of all the time I've wasted in here already?

0:10:18 > 0:10:21I can only apologise. I appreciate your need to make a speedy sale.

0:10:21 > 0:10:23One hour? I promise.

0:10:23 > 0:10:26Fine. I've got some errands to run anyway.

0:10:26 > 0:10:27I won't keep you waiting.

0:10:34 > 0:10:36Yes, Valerie? St Phil's A

0:10:36 > 0:10:39they're looking for a new recommendation.

0:10:39 > 0:10:43They didn't exactly say why, but they've had Dr Shevchuk

0:10:43 > 0:10:46for three days now and I don't think it's working out for them.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49I can't help thinking it's a language issue.

0:10:49 > 0:10:52I don't know... I couldn't find his PLAB.

0:10:52 > 0:10:55I think I did mention it earlier. Perhaps I wasn't being clear...

0:10:55 > 0:10:58No, I just... You just like questioning instructions?

0:10:58 > 0:11:02No, no... Dr Shevchuk has passed his PLAB, he's fit for the task.

0:11:02 > 0:11:04Send him again.

0:11:04 > 0:11:07Stop fussing about such silly little details.

0:11:07 > 0:11:09If you think his CV is lacking, then spruce it up.

0:11:09 > 0:11:11It's what we all do.

0:11:11 > 0:11:13Would that really be fair on anyone?

0:11:13 > 0:11:15Yes. The hospital gets a doctor.

0:11:15 > 0:11:18The doctor gets work. And we all get paid.

0:11:22 > 0:11:24And whatever concerns you may have...

0:11:24 > 0:11:26you need to address them now.

0:11:26 > 0:11:27If this isn't the position for you,

0:11:27 > 0:11:30then you need to be upfront about it.

0:11:30 > 0:11:33There are other candidates who are eager to fill the role.

0:11:33 > 0:11:34No, no. I can do it.

0:11:35 > 0:11:39Good. See, I know you're a team player, Val.

0:11:40 > 0:11:42I know that there's nothing to worry about.

0:11:50 > 0:11:53Here's all the stuff on sexual health. Thanks.

0:11:53 > 0:11:56Sure you don't want to hold on to one of these? What?

0:11:56 > 0:11:59Nothing. I just thought you and me were mates, that's all.

0:12:00 > 0:12:02You've lost me.

0:12:02 > 0:12:05I wasn't going to say anything, but you are being really weird about it.

0:12:05 > 0:12:07What? Weird about what?

0:12:07 > 0:12:10I saw you leaving this morning, Jimmi. I know you stayed the night.

0:12:10 > 0:12:13OK. No. I slept on the couch.

0:12:13 > 0:12:16Upstairs? Come on.

0:12:16 > 0:12:18Yeah, you've got the wrong end of this. And I've got to work, so...

0:12:18 > 0:12:22Look, I get it. You're trying to protect my feelings.

0:12:22 > 0:12:24What happened with me and her was ages ago, and, anyway,

0:12:24 > 0:12:27I'm not going to get all upset just cos you and her

0:12:27 > 0:12:29decide to get together... What?

0:12:29 > 0:12:31But sneaking around is patronising. OK?

0:12:31 > 0:12:33I'm not a child, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't treat me like one.

0:12:42 > 0:12:44I thought you were off...?

0:12:44 > 0:12:47I need surgical gloves, tweezers and a clean environment, stat!

0:12:50 > 0:12:51Don't ask me.

0:12:51 > 0:12:54Nothing surprises me about this place any more.

0:13:00 > 0:13:02KNOCK ON DOOR

0:13:05 > 0:13:06You OK?

0:13:06 > 0:13:10Jimmi, I am magnificent. You need to see this.

0:13:10 > 0:13:13This is a complete run of the Omega League.

0:13:13 > 0:13:17This is the Holy Grail for the comic book collectors.

0:13:17 > 0:13:18Comic books?

0:13:18 > 0:13:21Yeah, never reprinted comic books.

0:13:21 > 0:13:24Guess how much I just paid for this lot. Go on, guess.

0:13:24 > 0:13:2715 quid. 15 British quid!

0:13:27 > 0:13:29Shouldn't it be hundreds, or something?

0:13:29 > 0:13:32Yeah, hundreds or thousands for a complete, mint set.

0:13:32 > 0:13:35Mate, this is the most extraordinary thing you'll ever see.

0:13:35 > 0:13:40For example, issue 12, Armageddon Be Thy Name.

0:13:40 > 0:13:43It's like the Citizen Kane of comic books.

0:13:44 > 0:13:46Issue 24.

0:13:46 > 0:13:47The Android's Lament.

0:13:47 > 0:13:51This will break your heart into 1,000 pieces.

0:13:51 > 0:13:52And the piece de resistance...

0:13:52 > 0:13:57issue 55, Herald Of The Cosmobius.

0:13:57 > 0:14:0252, 53, 54, 56....

0:14:03 > 0:14:06No, no, hang on. Come on. Easy.

0:14:06 > 0:14:10No. There's no easy about it. Where is it? Where's 55?

0:14:10 > 0:14:13Oh, come on!

0:14:13 > 0:14:15Al, easy. You've got 60-odd at 15 quid. Let's take a break,

0:14:15 > 0:14:18go for lunch or something. No. I want them all. No lunch.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20OK, I need to secure this room. Come on, on you go,

0:14:20 > 0:14:22I need to find that other one. Really?

0:14:22 > 0:14:24Out! Come on!

0:14:24 > 0:14:26I'm not messing about.

0:14:30 > 0:14:33I was thinking of taking drama classes.

0:14:33 > 0:14:35Drama classes?

0:14:35 > 0:14:39Yeah! You're always on at me to have ambitions and, well,

0:14:39 > 0:14:41it's something I'm good at.

0:14:41 > 0:14:44Really? I'm not bad. And I'd much rather do that

0:14:44 > 0:14:46than spend my time surrounded by old relics.

0:14:46 > 0:14:49I should really open the shop up. No, you should rest.

0:14:49 > 0:14:51Look, let me make you a tea.

0:14:52 > 0:14:54I'm sorry I made such a mess of things last night.

0:14:54 > 0:14:57I'm bored of that crowd now anyway.

0:14:57 > 0:15:01Sounds an awful lot like you trying to talk me into another hand-out.

0:15:01 > 0:15:03Well, yeah, there's enrolment fees and I should probably get

0:15:03 > 0:15:06a haircut and some headshots done, but it's an investment, right?

0:15:06 > 0:15:10This isn't money in my pocket, this is money in my future.

0:15:10 > 0:15:12That was dreadful.

0:15:12 > 0:15:15Perhaps you should take writing classes instead.

0:15:15 > 0:15:16Please.

0:15:17 > 0:15:19I feel good about this.

0:15:21 > 0:15:24A Tale of Two Cities.

0:15:24 > 0:15:25What?

0:15:29 > 0:15:31Page 67.

0:15:34 > 0:15:38It pays to read more than just text messages.

0:15:39 > 0:15:41Thanks.

0:15:41 > 0:15:43I want to see a serious improvement to your lifestyle, now.

0:15:43 > 0:15:46You understand? Oh, don't worry, you will.

0:15:50 > 0:15:52I've had this for a while...

0:15:54 > 0:15:57All right. Start from the top. What am I meant to have done?

0:15:57 > 0:15:59This is silly now. Just stop it.

0:15:59 > 0:16:02You know exactly what's going on, just admit it. Admit what?

0:16:02 > 0:16:05Sid, if you don't start giving me some answers,

0:16:05 > 0:16:07I'm going to go home and throw Super Ted in the bin.

0:16:07 > 0:16:10You wouldn't. Might rip his head off first.

0:16:10 > 0:16:12This is just stupid. You know exactly what's going on.

0:16:12 > 0:16:14WHAT?! That you slept with Jimmi!

0:16:16 > 0:16:18Jimmi? Are you mad?

0:16:18 > 0:16:20So sorry to keep you waiting.

0:16:20 > 0:16:23You are cutting it very fine, young man.

0:16:23 > 0:16:25Excuse me, sir! A word, if I may. Oh, for crying out loud.

0:16:25 > 0:16:27We're only opening for a private sale, sir.

0:16:27 > 0:16:30You'll have to come back tomorrow. It's not going to happen -

0:16:30 > 0:16:32the item said that it was a complete set. I'm sorry?

0:16:32 > 0:16:35It's not a complete set. There's an edition missing,

0:16:35 > 0:16:37ergo, you mis-sold me the item. There's nothing I can

0:16:37 > 0:16:39do about it today, I'm afraid, so please come back tomorrow.

0:16:39 > 0:16:42No, that's not good enough. I'm not going to let you

0:16:42 > 0:16:44swindle me like this. I'd like to speak to Stoker Sr.

0:16:44 > 0:16:46He's not in. Is that his number?

0:16:46 > 0:16:49Please! I really haven't got time for this. OK! Fine. Everybody in.

0:16:49 > 0:16:52Everybody in, it's OK. Finally.

0:16:59 > 0:17:01Valerie, isn't it? Oh! Hello!

0:17:01 > 0:17:04Hello, yourself. Dylan Harvey.

0:17:04 > 0:17:08How do you do? Very well. So, how do you like it here?

0:17:08 > 0:17:09Well, it's good to be busy.

0:17:09 > 0:17:12Isn't it just? Where were you before now?

0:17:12 > 0:17:16The Mill Health Centre. Ah. Very impressive.

0:17:16 > 0:17:17So...

0:17:18 > 0:17:21..how's this compare?

0:17:21 > 0:17:24Well, there are far fewer people sneezing and throwing up here.

0:17:24 > 0:17:27Wonderful. I can see, with sharp minds like you on the team,

0:17:27 > 0:17:30we can really go places. Fantastic.

0:17:38 > 0:17:39It's a comic book.

0:17:39 > 0:17:43Golden space-man on the front cover, and he's gesturing like this.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45Does this look familiar? It's all fore-shortened perspective.

0:17:45 > 0:17:48I'm sorry, sir. What you see is what we have.

0:17:49 > 0:17:53OK, so it was 700 we agreed, wasn't it? 800.

0:17:53 > 0:17:56Ah. OK. Apologies, sorry. Erm...

0:17:56 > 0:17:58Sorry. Let me start again.

0:17:59 > 0:18:01Oh, look, 700's fine.

0:18:01 > 0:18:04If you're sure. Yeah. Of course, I'll need to see the item again.

0:18:10 > 0:18:12PHONE RINGS

0:18:12 > 0:18:15I'm so sorry. I don't know... I'll just be right back.

0:18:28 > 0:18:30I'm sorry, I don't know what that was. Wrong number, or something.

0:18:30 > 0:18:32Anyway, where were we?

0:18:36 > 0:18:39Uh, why is Sid saying you and me slept together?

0:18:41 > 0:18:43Stop. What now?

0:18:43 > 0:18:45She's scamming you.

0:18:45 > 0:18:46Please, just clear off. Seriously.

0:18:46 > 0:18:49You are bold, lady. This is a con.

0:18:49 > 0:18:52Listen, you've been in my face all day

0:18:52 > 0:18:56and I'm sure a saddo like you really has nothing better to do

0:18:56 > 0:18:59than dig around for comics in a junk shop,

0:18:59 > 0:19:02but the rest of us have actual lives to get on with.

0:19:02 > 0:19:07OK? Do the world a favour and shut up and go away! Go!

0:19:09 > 0:19:10Enjoy your flight!

0:19:10 > 0:19:11Cheers.

0:19:18 > 0:19:20You mind telling me what the devil is going on?

0:19:22 > 0:19:25What are you even talking about? So, where did you sleep,then?

0:19:25 > 0:19:28I was on the sofa! I only went upstairs to... To what?

0:19:28 > 0:19:30I was in the bathroom, so it couldn't have been that?

0:19:30 > 0:19:33Well, it wasn't to sleep with me so you can forget about that!

0:19:33 > 0:19:35Just own up to it, you two! It's getting embarrassing now!

0:19:35 > 0:19:38We're not sleeping together! There is nothing going on!

0:19:38 > 0:19:41So, what were you doing up there then? He was with me.

0:19:44 > 0:19:46Did you get that, Karen?

0:19:50 > 0:19:52'It was meant to be a surprise.'

0:19:52 > 0:19:55My first day on the job and I net you

0:19:55 > 0:19:58a profit of thousands and thousands of pounds!

0:19:58 > 0:20:03Thousands and thousands? My, my... She had no idea.

0:20:03 > 0:20:06More like you had no idea. OK. Why are you still even here?

0:20:06 > 0:20:07I didn't want to miss this.

0:20:07 > 0:20:10Miss what? You nearly blew the whole thing, with your gob.

0:20:10 > 0:20:12I did try and warn him. Warn me?

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Yeah, the violin's a fake.

0:20:14 > 0:20:18No, it's genuine. I examined it. I looked them up. Trust me.

0:20:18 > 0:20:20These things go for tens of thousands at auction.

0:20:20 > 0:20:24It's got the maker's mark on it and everything. Look!

0:20:24 > 0:20:26What a sad, strange man you are.

0:20:26 > 0:20:27Thank you.

0:20:32 > 0:20:36Made In China. Is that the maker's mark you saw?

0:20:36 > 0:20:37I don't...

0:20:40 > 0:20:41I don't understand...

0:20:41 > 0:20:44Well, it's yours now. You might as well keep it.

0:20:44 > 0:20:47I'll give you the violin and... let's say...ten seconds.

0:20:47 > 0:20:51Ten seconds? To get out of my shop, before I call the police.

0:20:52 > 0:20:54Nine...

0:20:55 > 0:20:57Bye!

0:21:00 > 0:21:04To bounce back from that so resolutely, it's incredible.

0:21:05 > 0:21:09And, can I just say, you are the picture of health today,

0:21:09 > 0:21:10you really are.

0:21:10 > 0:21:12I wouldn't have believed it,

0:21:12 > 0:21:15if you didn't talk about your experiences with such passion.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18Enough about me.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20How are you finding your visit?

0:21:20 > 0:21:23Is this what you wanted for your little empire?

0:21:23 > 0:21:24I'm impressed.

0:21:24 > 0:21:27Everyone seems on board with the central manifesto.

0:21:27 > 0:21:30We're all earning, enjoying the success of it.

0:21:30 > 0:21:31It's certainly busy.

0:21:31 > 0:21:33And that's great news.

0:21:33 > 0:21:37Of course, we want to keep that to ourselves.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40Don't want Mr Taxman poking his trotters in.

0:21:41 > 0:21:44I mean, you're the one doing all the hard work, aren't you?

0:21:44 > 0:21:47No reason why the commission shouldn't reflect that.

0:21:47 > 0:21:52It's how business works, all across the country, right across the globe.

0:21:52 > 0:21:57We're not the only ones - if we're not doing it, someone else will.

0:21:57 > 0:21:58Right. The real exploiters.

0:21:58 > 0:22:01I'm not saying we're humanitarians or anything.

0:22:01 > 0:22:05I mean, it's not a charity, but we get people in the country

0:22:05 > 0:22:10and working, which is all they're after, and the rest of us, well...

0:22:10 > 0:22:13we get a little reward for helping speed things along.

0:22:13 > 0:22:14It's a win-win.

0:22:14 > 0:22:17SHE SNEEZES Bless you.

0:22:17 > 0:22:20What they don't know can't hurt them, I suppose?

0:22:20 > 0:22:23Exactly! Nobody needs to know the percentages.

0:22:23 > 0:22:27I have been doctoring a few people's CVs.

0:22:27 > 0:22:31But, honestly, hands up who hasn't spruced up their own resume.

0:22:31 > 0:22:33Not you, of course.

0:22:33 > 0:22:36But, between you and me, I only actually got C- in RE.

0:22:36 > 0:22:41"Doctoring CVs." I like what you did there! You're clever, Val.

0:22:41 > 0:22:42I like that.

0:22:44 > 0:22:47All that matters is we're cutting through the red-tape,

0:22:47 > 0:22:51getting rid of all those boring, unnecessary regulations,

0:22:51 > 0:22:54and getting to the quick, sharp end of the business.

0:22:54 > 0:22:56Supply and demand. That's all that matters.

0:22:56 > 0:22:59I could talk to you about business all day.

0:22:59 > 0:23:03You've got such a wonderful...enthusiasm. Ha!

0:23:03 > 0:23:04Now, don't get me started.

0:23:09 > 0:23:11There we are.

0:23:13 > 0:23:17I was reading it myself. Wonderfully psychedelic.

0:23:17 > 0:23:20The Herald Of Cosmobius. So Pop Art.

0:23:22 > 0:23:25Not something that idiot boy would see any worth in at all.

0:23:25 > 0:23:27Yeah. So, is that it, then?

0:23:27 > 0:23:29You're going to cut him off, forever?

0:23:29 > 0:23:32Oh, yes. High time, really.

0:23:32 > 0:23:35You'll have to change the name of your shop, won't you?

0:23:35 > 0:23:37You can't have Stoker and Son without no son.

0:23:37 > 0:23:41He isn't my son, dear boy! Heavens no.

0:23:41 > 0:23:43He's my lover. Well, no...

0:23:43 > 0:23:45was my lover...

0:23:45 > 0:23:47Dear me, no. I'm the son in question.

0:23:47 > 0:23:51And...not really much chance of me siring anyone else

0:23:51 > 0:23:54to follow in the trade. Yeah.

0:23:54 > 0:23:56Can I have my comic book, please?

0:23:56 > 0:24:00Oh! Good one, isn't it?

0:24:00 > 0:24:02Don't make them like that any more?

0:24:02 > 0:24:03No, they don't.

0:24:03 > 0:24:06How's 20 sound?

0:24:12 > 0:24:14There you go. Thank you.

0:24:16 > 0:24:18'I'm sorry about all that.'

0:24:18 > 0:24:21And thank you for trying to protect my reputation.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24I hope I haven't damaged yours too much.

0:24:24 > 0:24:26Well, Karen keeps winking at me, but I'm sure I'll survive.

0:24:26 > 0:24:29And Sid? Ah! Sid's hiding. Either from you, or me or Ayesha.

0:24:29 > 0:24:31Or all three of us.

0:24:31 > 0:24:33Well, it's certainly put the cat among the pigeons, hasn't it?

0:24:36 > 0:24:38It was a one-off thing.

0:24:38 > 0:24:42Yeah. I mean, you know, no regrets.

0:24:43 > 0:24:45It's just that it's not likely to happen again, is it?

0:24:47 > 0:24:49It shouldn't be weird, though, should it? No.

0:24:49 > 0:24:53It wasn't weird. It was natural.

0:24:53 > 0:24:56And I don't have anything against one-night stands, personally.

0:24:56 > 0:24:57Good.

0:24:57 > 0:25:00Well, you're welcome to join me tonight.

0:25:01 > 0:25:03At the casino, I mean.

0:25:03 > 0:25:05Thanks. I'll pass.

0:25:05 > 0:25:06Right. Well, you're always welcome.

0:25:06 > 0:25:09Jimmi, Come quick.

0:25:09 > 0:25:10Right, I'll see you later.

0:25:10 > 0:25:13Yep. Have fun. Al.

0:25:13 > 0:25:14Emma.

0:25:14 > 0:25:16Come on, what are you waiting for?

0:25:19 > 0:25:20Come on through.

0:25:22 > 0:25:22You've got it?

0:25:24 > 0:25:26Behold! So you're rich now?

0:25:26 > 0:25:28No, I'm not selling them. I'm keeping them! They are mine.

0:25:28 > 0:25:31I've been due some good luck for some time, I can tell you.

0:25:31 > 0:25:34And cos you're my best friend...

0:25:36 > 0:25:37You want me to open it?

0:25:37 > 0:25:39I want you to have this special moment.

0:25:39 > 0:25:43For your soul is about to awaken to the possibility

0:25:43 > 0:25:45of comic books as a true art form.

0:25:45 > 0:25:48This bad boy, right here, it's the Mona Lisa.

0:25:59 > 0:26:00Oh...

0:26:02 > 0:26:03What?!

0:26:04 > 0:26:06It's ruined...

0:26:08 > 0:26:11Same thing? Yes. The same thing.

0:26:14 > 0:26:16They're all ruined.

0:26:16 > 0:26:20It's like everything else in my poxy life. Ruined! Come on.

0:26:20 > 0:26:23What's that supposed to mean? Your life's not that poxy, is it?

0:26:23 > 0:26:24It's been a long day.

0:26:24 > 0:26:27Why don't we go to Tandoori Village or something? My treat.

0:26:28 > 0:26:31No, thank you. What's up, Al?

0:26:33 > 0:26:34Nothing's up.

0:26:35 > 0:26:38'We get a little reward for helping speed things along.

0:26:38 > 0:26:40'It's a win-win.'

0:26:40 > 0:26:41SHE SNEEZES 'Bless you.'

0:26:43 > 0:26:45'What they don't know can't hurt them, I suppose?'

0:26:45 > 0:26:49'Exactly! Nobody needs to know the percentages.'

0:26:49 > 0:26:51'I have been doctoring...'

0:26:51 > 0:26:53Valerie. Oh...

0:26:53 > 0:26:55Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you.

0:26:55 > 0:26:59I just wanted to say thanks for being so wonderfully insightful.

0:26:59 > 0:27:01I hope our paths cross again soon.

0:27:01 > 0:27:03Oh. You're quite welcome.

0:27:03 > 0:27:04Ciao, for now.

0:27:04 > 0:27:07Yes. Arrivederci!

0:27:14 > 0:27:16CAMERA SHUTTER

0:27:31 > 0:27:32MRS TEMBE: Ooh!

0:27:34 > 0:27:36Oh, no...

0:27:36 > 0:27:39What's with the Thelma and Louise?

0:27:39 > 0:27:42I've asked you here today because I need some advice.

0:27:42 > 0:27:45I don't suppose you own a white van, by any chance?

0:27:45 > 0:27:48Me? Nah, love. Mine's the Bentley.

0:27:48 > 0:27:50Ah! A comedian.