Rumspringa

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0:00:26 > 0:00:28MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

0:00:28 > 0:00:30It's fine.

0:00:30 > 0:00:33Look, Chris, we'll just find another time to get together, that's all.

0:00:35 > 0:00:37Please stop saying you're sorry.

0:00:39 > 0:00:42I love you.

0:00:42 > 0:00:44All right.

0:00:44 > 0:00:46Take care of yourself.

0:00:46 > 0:00:47Bye.

0:00:50 > 0:00:52Did you want something?

0:00:53 > 0:00:55Can I get you anything else?

0:00:55 > 0:00:58No, I'm fine. I mean, no, thank you.

0:01:03 > 0:01:06All the cameras have in-built microphones,

0:01:06 > 0:01:09so I can hear and record everything he says.

0:01:09 > 0:01:11Oh, that is clever.

0:01:11 > 0:01:13You are very clever.

0:01:13 > 0:01:16All you need to do is not sign anything.

0:01:17 > 0:01:19I'm sure he's going to pull a fast one.

0:01:19 > 0:01:23His next trick is going to be to try and convince you that you need

0:01:23 > 0:01:26new doors. You don't.

0:01:26 > 0:01:28- I could do with a new back door... - Mother!

0:01:28 > 0:01:31You had a new one fitted just before Dad died.

0:01:31 > 0:01:33But I liked the old one, though.

0:01:33 > 0:01:37- It was a stable door. Do you remember?- You don't need any doors!

0:01:37 > 0:01:39- Have you got that?- I've got it.

0:01:40 > 0:01:43George might SEEM like a nice man, but he is a shyster.

0:01:43 > 0:01:49Ah! Your father used to refer to tradesmen as "shysters"!

0:01:49 > 0:01:51The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

0:01:54 > 0:01:57I'm going to wear my pink cardigan.

0:01:58 > 0:02:00Why?

0:02:00 > 0:02:03I need to look smart for the cameras, don't I?

0:02:04 > 0:02:07- For my close-ups. - SHE GIGGLES

0:02:14 > 0:02:17I need to tell you I'm sorry.

0:02:17 > 0:02:18Pardon?

0:02:19 > 0:02:22Last year, when I was a mess...

0:02:22 > 0:02:25I ended up being taken downtown.

0:02:25 > 0:02:28- You mean, you were arrested? - Yes, ma'am.

0:02:28 > 0:02:32I kind of don't exactly remember what happened that night,

0:02:32 > 0:02:34but I was in a cell and...

0:02:36 > 0:02:41I remember you. Yeah, you racially abused a colleague of mine.

0:02:41 > 0:02:45- Yes, I did.- You had your head shaved like some Neo-Nazi.

0:02:45 > 0:02:46I am real sorry.

0:02:46 > 0:02:49I really wasn't that person.

0:02:49 > 0:02:53- I'm not any more.- You know, she was just trying to do her job,

0:02:53 > 0:02:55take care of you and you...

0:02:55 > 0:02:58What do you mean, you're not that person any more?

0:02:58 > 0:03:00- I have changed.- Why?

0:03:00 > 0:03:02Because you've grown some hair?

0:03:02 > 0:03:04That doesn't mean you've changed.

0:03:04 > 0:03:07- Or have you had some kind of epiphany?- Exactly that.

0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Rumspringa.- What?

0:03:10 > 0:03:15I'm Amish. Rumspringa is when we leave our community

0:03:15 > 0:03:18- and we experience the world.- Oh.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20So I came to Europe.

0:03:20 > 0:03:21I tried stuff.

0:03:21 > 0:03:24I met the wrong people.

0:03:24 > 0:03:27It got messy, but someone helped me,

0:03:27 > 0:03:29let me see who I was again.

0:03:30 > 0:03:32I want to apologise to you.

0:03:32 > 0:03:35Aren't you supposed to go home and be baptised or something

0:03:35 > 0:03:37after Rumspringa?

0:03:37 > 0:03:42I want to, I really do, but it's not simple.

0:03:43 > 0:03:45I can't just call my folks for airfare.

0:03:46 > 0:03:47Well, good luck.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50I appreciate the apology,

0:03:50 > 0:03:54however you should know that your behaviour was disgusting.

0:03:55 > 0:03:58Although, I'm glad you've finally seen the light.

0:04:02 > 0:04:06Ruhma and Heston would not look out of place in a glossy magazine.

0:04:06 > 0:04:08Yeah, they're lovely photos.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10Ooh, who wouldn't want a soul mate?

0:04:10 > 0:04:12She's banging on about the photos from Friday -

0:04:12 > 0:04:14they've made her all gooey.

0:04:14 > 0:04:18- Oh, new shoes? - Yeah, but they're giving me gyp.

0:04:18 > 0:04:21They're worth it. Well, I'm all for a bit of romance,

0:04:21 > 0:04:23but happy families?

0:04:23 > 0:04:25- What's up?- Chris phoned.

0:04:25 > 0:04:28He can't come over in August.

0:04:28 > 0:04:29He's in line for promotion.

0:04:29 > 0:04:31That's good, though. No, not good.

0:04:35 > 0:04:36I'm screening.

0:04:38 > 0:04:41Don't ask me how many text messages I've had from Ashley today.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44Seriously, don't ask.

0:04:45 > 0:04:47Just don't ask me.

0:04:47 > 0:04:49- Ask you what?- No.

0:04:49 > 0:04:52I'm going to keep occupied. I am going to stay strong.

0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Who knew, though?- Who knew what?

0:04:55 > 0:04:57That there is a vulnerable sexiness in a man who's needy.

0:05:00 > 0:05:03Anyhow, Carolina Thomas, she's got that disc thing again.

0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Ah, no.- She's on your list.

0:05:06 > 0:05:08I know. Bummer.

0:05:08 > 0:05:10What?! I asked her to come into the surgery.

0:05:10 > 0:05:12She asked me where I'd got my medical degree.

0:05:12 > 0:05:15Well, she is caustic, even when she's well.

0:05:15 > 0:05:17But when she's in pain...

0:05:17 > 0:05:19Don't forgot to wear your gloves, that flat's filthy.

0:05:19 > 0:05:21Karen Hollins, where is your sense of empathy?

0:05:24 > 0:05:26DOORBELL RINGS

0:05:29 > 0:05:32Hello again, Mrs Haskey, how are you?

0:05:32 > 0:05:36What a smashing cardigan - my favourite aunt has one like that.

0:05:36 > 0:05:39I thought I ought to wear something nice.

0:05:39 > 0:05:42I'm going to be honest with you, Mrs Haskey - I work on commission only,

0:05:42 > 0:05:46a zero-hours contract would be luxury to me, so I'm truly grateful

0:05:46 > 0:05:48you're considering upgrading your doors.

0:05:48 > 0:05:51We have to go and sit in the lounge to talk about this.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54Oh, OK. Well, let's go and get you the best value, then, eh?

0:05:54 > 0:05:57- We used to have a stable door at the back.- Mother!

0:05:57 > 0:06:00Ours is called "The Texan" - beautiful door.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03Nice to be able to open the top and keep the bottom locked.

0:06:03 > 0:06:06- I know.- Let me just say, though,

0:06:06 > 0:06:09I'm not writing up any orders until

0:06:09 > 0:06:12I'm sure YOU'RE sure you want to go ahead.

0:06:15 > 0:06:19Wow. This place looks like it's had a complete makeover.

0:06:19 > 0:06:21Because it was such a pit before?

0:06:21 > 0:06:25- No. I didn't mean that. - Yeah, we both know you did.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28Well, whatever you've done, it looks great.

0:06:29 > 0:06:32- He's new.- He's my Black Jesus.

0:06:32 > 0:06:35You don't see many. Tut! Like Jesus was white.

0:06:36 > 0:06:38Right, let's have a look at your neck, shall we?

0:06:43 > 0:06:45OK, can you try and turn your head for me, please?

0:06:45 > 0:06:46You wouldn't be here if I could.

0:06:48 > 0:06:49And the other side.

0:06:51 > 0:06:54What part of agony are you failing to understand?!

0:06:54 > 0:06:58I'm just trying to gauge how much movement you've got, that's all.

0:06:58 > 0:06:59Years of training...

0:07:02 > 0:07:05Why are you surprised that my place is nice?

0:07:05 > 0:07:06I'm not.

0:07:07 > 0:07:10- I didn't mean to be rude. - Ah, yeah, of course.

0:07:10 > 0:07:14OK. I can give you some medication for the pain,

0:07:14 > 0:07:17but then I'm going to have to refer you back to the physio at St Phil's.

0:07:17 > 0:07:18I'm not going.

0:07:19 > 0:07:21Please, Carolina.

0:07:21 > 0:07:23Come on, it's just like last time.

0:07:23 > 0:07:26You need a few days' rest, but then it's important to keep

0:07:26 > 0:07:27the movement going, get some exercise.

0:07:27 > 0:07:30Did you not hear what I said?

0:07:31 > 0:07:34This is such a lovely home. So like my aunt's.

0:07:35 > 0:07:38She's like you, my aunt, lots of lovely, irreplaceable things.

0:07:38 > 0:07:39So much sentimental value.

0:07:39 > 0:07:42Oh, you oily little creep.

0:07:42 > 0:07:43If your son's anything like me,

0:07:43 > 0:07:45he'll have been on at you to upgrade your doors.

0:07:45 > 0:07:48I made sure my aunt had new ones after her neighbour was burgled.

0:07:49 > 0:07:54The ones we do have triple-A-plus security ratings.

0:07:54 > 0:07:58Alasdair is very concerned about the doors.

0:07:58 > 0:08:00He'll be worried. Imagining you waking up in the night

0:08:00 > 0:08:04with someone in the house. Some thug in a balaclava, broken in

0:08:04 > 0:08:05and standing at the bottom of your bed.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07Thug in a balaclava?!

0:08:07 > 0:08:10Leaning over you shouting about jewellery and cash.

0:08:10 > 0:08:11Tell you what.

0:08:11 > 0:08:15I'll add in The Texan, if you still want the stable door option -

0:08:15 > 0:08:17no extra cost.

0:08:18 > 0:08:20I've ALWAYS liked a stable door.

0:08:23 > 0:08:25How much will it cost?

0:08:25 > 0:08:28All in... Under £6,000.

0:08:30 > 0:08:33It's an investment in the house, isn't it?

0:08:33 > 0:08:36You can't better bricks and mortar.

0:08:37 > 0:08:40So it's worth it, and I can afford it.

0:08:40 > 0:08:43That's what my auntie said. "What price peace of mind?"

0:08:43 > 0:08:44And your son will be relieved.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47He'll want his mum to have triple-A-plus security.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50- That's enough of you.- Sons worry.

0:08:50 > 0:08:53Alasdair does, he never stops.

0:08:56 > 0:08:59Oh... Hello, George.

0:08:59 > 0:09:02I'M the son.

0:09:02 > 0:09:04Oh, hello!

0:09:04 > 0:09:08I've heard a lot about you. Well, all good, mate, no need to worry!

0:09:09 > 0:09:13You SHOULD worry, you unscrupulous git.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16- I beg your pardon?! - Some thug in a balaclava?

0:09:16 > 0:09:19Nice try at putting the frighteners on my mother.

0:09:19 > 0:09:21Oh, you're a class act, aren't you?

0:09:21 > 0:09:23It's a good job we've got it all recorded.

0:09:23 > 0:09:25See that?

0:09:25 > 0:09:27Go on, give it a smile.

0:09:27 > 0:09:28And that one.

0:09:29 > 0:09:30Go on, say cheese.

0:09:32 > 0:09:35- You can't do that. - And yet we did.

0:09:35 > 0:09:37He's very clever.

0:09:39 > 0:09:4280/50. That's a little low.

0:09:42 > 0:09:44You know what would get my blood pressure up?

0:09:44 > 0:09:47Waiting around for an hour before every appointment at St Phil's -

0:09:47 > 0:09:51that's what. And the one time I'm five minutes late - because I had

0:09:51 > 0:09:54to walk it there, I had no bus money - the woman at reception

0:09:54 > 0:09:57throws a blue fit, calls me out in front of everyone.

0:09:57 > 0:09:58Nah, not going to happen.

0:09:58 > 0:10:00Right.

0:10:00 > 0:10:04- Well, will you need a fit note for work?- I'm not working.

0:10:04 > 0:10:08And since when was a sick note a fit note? Ridiculous.

0:10:10 > 0:10:13You haven't been sleeping on this, have you?

0:10:13 > 0:10:14Do you think I'm stupid?

0:10:15 > 0:10:18You make assumptions and you're rude.

0:10:20 > 0:10:21Lord, give me strength!

0:10:22 > 0:10:24Please, Carolina, stop this.

0:10:26 > 0:10:28Look at all the changes you've made.

0:10:28 > 0:10:30Whatever you're doing, you should bottle it,

0:10:30 > 0:10:32because it's doing you good.

0:10:33 > 0:10:36I suppose I'm more connected to my faith.

0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Well, that's good. - I have someone in my life.

0:10:39 > 0:10:41- Great.- He's good for me.

0:10:42 > 0:10:45He makes me feel cared for.

0:10:45 > 0:10:47I'll tell you what, why don't I put the kettle on,

0:10:47 > 0:10:49- we'll have a cup of tea?- Oh, wicked!

0:10:50 > 0:10:52Sorry?

0:10:52 > 0:10:53You know I can't nod.

0:10:55 > 0:10:56I'll put the kettle on.

0:10:59 > 0:11:02- You can't film people without their consent. Give me that!- No.

0:11:02 > 0:11:06You can't deliberately frighten old people with special needs.

0:11:06 > 0:11:08I haven't got special needs, dear.

0:11:08 > 0:11:10Your mother was quite happy for us to quote.

0:11:10 > 0:11:12I didn't say no.

0:11:12 > 0:11:15You thought all your Christmases had come at once, didn't you?

0:11:15 > 0:11:17Well, they haven't. You tried to take advantage

0:11:17 > 0:11:20of my mother's fragility. And you are practised at this.

0:11:20 > 0:11:21You do it all the time, don't you, Shyster!

0:11:21 > 0:11:24Let me get this right - special needs, fragility?

0:11:24 > 0:11:26You're saying your mother is mentally incapable?

0:11:26 > 0:11:27Alasdair!

0:11:29 > 0:11:31Which kind of tea would you like?

0:11:31 > 0:11:32Don't care.

0:11:35 > 0:11:37Gosh, somebody's looking after you.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39No junk food.

0:11:39 > 0:11:41No builders' brew.

0:11:42 > 0:11:44Carolina is caffeine-free now.

0:11:46 > 0:11:47What are you doing here?

0:11:47 > 0:11:49Is Carolina in trouble?

0:11:49 > 0:11:53No. I'll ask you again, what are you doing in this flat?

0:11:53 > 0:11:55- You're a cop.- I'm a GP,

0:11:55 > 0:11:59who happens to work with the police - as a doctor.

0:11:59 > 0:12:01Like I was the night you abused my colleague.

0:12:03 > 0:12:04So, I'll ask you again.

0:12:05 > 0:12:08What are you doing in the kitchen of my patient,

0:12:08 > 0:12:10who happens to be a young black woman?

0:12:11 > 0:12:14Surely you can see why I'm concerned.

0:12:14 > 0:12:16You don't need to.

0:12:16 > 0:12:17I owe Carolina my life.

0:12:18 > 0:12:20When you saw me, I was polluted.

0:12:22 > 0:12:24Then I got sick and I ended up sleeping on the sidewalk.

0:12:26 > 0:12:29I believe the Lord helped me and Carolina find each other.

0:12:29 > 0:12:32She just picked you up off the street and asked you to live here?

0:12:32 > 0:12:34She showed me love.

0:12:35 > 0:12:37- I would never hurt her.- Yes, well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

0:12:37 > 0:12:39She gave me a bed and got me well.

0:12:39 > 0:12:41The first time I was strong enough,

0:12:41 > 0:12:43I found the Black Jesus. He was surely a sign.

0:12:46 > 0:12:47I am ashamed of my behaviour...

0:12:48 > 0:12:51..and the words I used and the way I used them.

0:12:52 > 0:12:54But I own that shame

0:12:54 > 0:12:55and I have repented.

0:12:55 > 0:12:58That's all right, then, isn't it?

0:12:58 > 0:13:02Finding Him, was proof Carolina was right to help me.

0:13:03 > 0:13:06Only, now you want to go home,

0:13:06 > 0:13:09but it's difficult because she's become so reliant on you.

0:13:09 > 0:13:10Hey! Samuel!

0:13:12 > 0:13:14You not going to come in and say hello?

0:13:16 > 0:13:17Please don't say anything.

0:13:18 > 0:13:20I need a little more time.

0:13:22 > 0:13:23Please.

0:13:27 > 0:13:30This must be terribly embarrassing for you.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32I'm so sorry.

0:13:32 > 0:13:35Is your mother certifiably senile, Mr Haskey?

0:13:35 > 0:13:40- It's Doctor. Dr Haskey.- Right, so, it's your medical opinion, then?

0:13:42 > 0:13:45We supply replacement windows and doors.

0:13:45 > 0:13:47Our customers aren't required to pass mental agility tests.

0:13:47 > 0:13:50It's not our job to make sure they're right in the head.

0:13:50 > 0:13:51So, if Mrs Haskey isn't,

0:13:51 > 0:13:54then I suggest you get some legal advice on cancelling her contract.

0:13:56 > 0:13:57Cup of tea?

0:14:02 > 0:14:04How do you sleep at night?

0:14:05 > 0:14:07She's not my mother.

0:14:07 > 0:14:09MOBILE PHONE ALERT

0:14:11 > 0:14:13Oh, that's interesting.

0:14:13 > 0:14:16You see, I posted a little clip of our home movie online.

0:14:16 > 0:14:19It's only been ten minutes and yet, there's already been a comment.

0:14:22 > 0:14:25"I recognise that con man.

0:14:25 > 0:14:28"He ripped my grandad off for £10,000."

0:14:29 > 0:14:33You are going to pay back my mother every single penny

0:14:33 > 0:14:36you took from her, or the whole video goes online.

0:14:37 > 0:14:40Do you catch my drift, you repugnant little worm?

0:14:43 > 0:14:45RINGTONE: Theme from The Sweeney

0:14:45 > 0:14:47Hello?

0:14:47 > 0:14:49Rob, hi. Listen, I need a favour.

0:14:49 > 0:14:51- Yup. - SIREN BLARES

0:14:51 > 0:14:54Do you remember that tall American guy that we had in

0:14:54 > 0:14:57- around Bonfire Night - the skinhead.- Samuel Troyer.

0:14:57 > 0:15:00- You remember him?- I remember him because he came down the station

0:15:00 > 0:15:02a few weeks ago to apologise to Janet.

0:15:02 > 0:15:05She was quite touched by it, said it meant a lot.

0:15:05 > 0:15:08Anyway, what about him? Because he will have gone home by now,

0:15:08 > 0:15:09his visa was up in February.

0:15:09 > 0:15:10All right, thanks.

0:15:16 > 0:15:18It's the berry tea.

0:15:18 > 0:15:21This is what I should bottle, Dr Reid - Samuel.

0:15:24 > 0:15:26Yes, well, we've met.

0:15:26 > 0:15:28Just now.

0:15:28 > 0:15:32My beautiful Jesus - Samuel found him for me.

0:15:32 > 0:15:36Samuel's the decorator - he's the one that buys the kale!

0:15:36 > 0:15:37He changed my life.

0:15:37 > 0:15:40And you've changed his, apparently.

0:15:40 > 0:15:42How do you know that?

0:15:43 > 0:15:45Samuel's going to be completely honest with you.

0:15:46 > 0:15:48Aren't you, Samuel?

0:15:48 > 0:15:50What are you talking about? What's going on?

0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Oh, my God, oh, my God! - All right, all right, don't panic.

0:15:53 > 0:15:56It's just the cord that's broken, all right? It's not a sign.

0:15:56 > 0:15:59- It's not an omen. - What is wrong with you?

0:15:59 > 0:16:01I know it's not - it freaked me out.

0:16:01 > 0:16:04Do you have any idea how offensive you're being?

0:16:04 > 0:16:07- Me?!- You see a black woman and a naive piece of art

0:16:07 > 0:16:10and you think I must be all oogie-boogie-voodoo

0:16:10 > 0:16:13and it must be a sign if it falls off the wall?!

0:16:13 > 0:16:14That's so racist.

0:16:14 > 0:16:18Oh, I'M the one who's racist, am I?!

0:16:19 > 0:16:21No, it's me.

0:16:21 > 0:16:23I was.

0:16:24 > 0:16:25I got locked up.

0:16:26 > 0:16:29I was high and I was horrible to a policewoman.

0:16:29 > 0:16:31I cussed her.

0:16:31 > 0:16:32The N word.

0:16:39 > 0:16:42Samuel, you looked like a fascist when I found you...

0:16:45 > 0:16:47..but you also looked like you were dying,

0:16:47 > 0:16:49and you needed my help.

0:16:51 > 0:16:53That's who you were THEN.

0:16:53 > 0:16:55He's not that person now.

0:16:55 > 0:16:57- Are you?- No.

0:16:59 > 0:17:00That's why I need to go.

0:17:02 > 0:17:05- I need my home. - You're going to leave me?

0:17:06 > 0:17:10No, no, I'm saving money so we can go together.

0:17:10 > 0:17:12You want us to be together?

0:17:14 > 0:17:16Not like that.

0:17:20 > 0:17:22Oh, hey, hey.

0:17:23 > 0:17:27- Ashley's left you a voicemail.- Oh, no, I'm still screening.- Whatever.

0:17:27 > 0:17:28You're going to have to do The Icon run.

0:17:28 > 0:17:31Why? I did it last time.

0:17:31 > 0:17:34- Do I have to?- Valerie! I've got a whopping blister.

0:17:34 > 0:17:36Tash is going to sort it out, but not till later,

0:17:36 > 0:17:39Rob is coming in with my trainers, I'm not walking anywhere until then,

0:17:39 > 0:17:42so, you - Icon, lunch run.

0:17:42 > 0:17:43Ow!

0:17:44 > 0:17:47Mother gets all her money back

0:17:47 > 0:17:50or every second of that goes online.

0:17:50 > 0:17:52You'll take down what's up there now?

0:17:52 > 0:17:54Yes, I will.

0:17:56 > 0:17:59We'll repay your mother's payment back into her account.

0:18:00 > 0:18:01And you're going to call your boss?

0:18:03 > 0:18:04I don't have to.

0:18:05 > 0:18:08Take it off the internet and I'll authorise the transaction.

0:18:08 > 0:18:12Nothing comes offline until the money is in her account.

0:18:15 > 0:18:18I want your word that nothing else goes up, obviously.

0:18:19 > 0:18:21I presume your word's worth having?

0:18:27 > 0:18:29Hurry up, Dr Reid. Show's over.

0:18:32 > 0:18:34I want to know that you're going to be all right.

0:18:34 > 0:18:36Have you not seen enough?

0:18:36 > 0:18:38I'm worried about you.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40Your neck, all of this...

0:18:43 > 0:18:46All right, well, look. Samuel, will you pick up her prescription?

0:18:48 > 0:18:49You will do it?

0:18:52 > 0:18:57If there's anything else you need, then you'll call me at the surgery?

0:18:57 > 0:18:59You've done more than enough.

0:18:59 > 0:19:01All this honesty must be good.

0:19:01 > 0:19:03Thanks, Doctor.

0:19:08 > 0:19:11Let's get all this embarrassment over with.

0:19:13 > 0:19:16If I could take a pill and be in love with you, I would.

0:19:17 > 0:19:18DOOR CLOSES

0:19:18 > 0:19:21- The money I'm saving is to take you home with me.- Why?

0:19:21 > 0:19:23Why would you do that?

0:19:24 > 0:19:28Why would you plan something like that without talking to me first?!

0:19:28 > 0:19:30It's weird, Samuel.

0:19:30 > 0:19:32It's crazy.

0:19:34 > 0:19:36# ..with or without you

0:19:36 > 0:19:41# The five years we have had have been such good times... #

0:19:41 > 0:19:44Uh, the Mill phoned through a lunch order.

0:19:45 > 0:19:47- 15 minutes.- 15.

0:19:49 > 0:19:52# I guess it's just what I must do

0:19:53 > 0:19:56# Don't, don't you want me? #

0:19:58 > 0:20:00So, are we in agreement?

0:20:00 > 0:20:03What's online comes down, money back, no more films.

0:20:03 > 0:20:07- Simple.- The longer the video's out there, the more you stand to lose.

0:20:08 > 0:20:11Blackmail's never pretty, is it?

0:20:11 > 0:20:16If I were you, I'd consider damage limitation about now.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18You'll never get the better of my son.

0:20:18 > 0:20:21MOBILE PHONE ALERT Ooh, what's that?

0:20:23 > 0:20:29Another comment! "This scumbag frightened my sister into buying

0:20:29 > 0:20:32"doors and double glazing she didn't need."

0:20:32 > 0:20:35That's 2-0, isn't it? You sure you want to keep playing?

0:20:35 > 0:20:38OK, OK. We'll do it this way. I'll refund your mother,

0:20:38 > 0:20:39you take the film down

0:20:39 > 0:20:42and tell all your FANS to contact the company directly.

0:20:42 > 0:20:46- For full refunds?- We've supplied and installed quality products

0:20:46 > 0:20:48- in good faith!- No, no, no!

0:20:48 > 0:20:51The video stays up unless everybody gets their money back.

0:20:51 > 0:20:54You won't know what hit you, you shyster.

0:20:54 > 0:20:55You tell him, Mother.

0:20:55 > 0:20:57So?

0:20:57 > 0:20:59- Yes, all right, then.- I'm sorry, we didn't hear that.

0:20:59 > 0:21:02I said yes, all right, then. You think you've got me over a barrel.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04That's because he has.

0:21:04 > 0:21:08You, sir, are going to take a long, hard look at your business ethics -

0:21:08 > 0:21:10we're going to be keeping an eye on you,

0:21:10 > 0:21:13and if we don't like what we see...

0:21:14 > 0:21:16Next time, Mother won't be so nice.

0:21:17 > 0:21:18Now, get out.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20# Street's like a jungle

0:21:22 > 0:21:24# So call the police... #

0:21:26 > 0:21:28I don't know why I'm here.

0:21:28 > 0:21:31You may not have listened to my messages,

0:21:31 > 0:21:34but fate has plans for you.

0:21:34 > 0:21:37Actually, it was rather a humdrum collection of occurrences.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40Don't take away the magic.

0:21:40 > 0:21:42Let's call it destiny.

0:21:42 > 0:21:45Destiny brought about by Karen's new shoes.

0:21:45 > 0:21:47- How so?- Well, what started as a small rub

0:21:47 > 0:21:49turned into a whopping great blister.

0:21:49 > 0:21:53- Oh, that's quite an image.- They're not very magical, are they -

0:21:53 > 0:21:55Karen Hollins's feet?!

0:21:58 > 0:22:01Expecting me to emigrate to America

0:22:01 > 0:22:04and be your pity project on some farm

0:22:04 > 0:22:07in the middle of nowhere. Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds?

0:22:08 > 0:22:10I couldn't be more sorry.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12For when you were a racist or for when you stopped being one?

0:22:12 > 0:22:15You made me into a good person.

0:22:16 > 0:22:17You have to believe that.

0:22:18 > 0:22:20If I didn't, you wouldn't be here.

0:22:24 > 0:22:25I'll re-string it.

0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Will you be all right?- Do you care?

0:22:29 > 0:22:32Oh, come on. You know I care about you.

0:22:32 > 0:22:36Enough to get me to emigrate, but not to...

0:22:36 > 0:22:38I'm sorry if I've hurt you again.

0:22:38 > 0:22:40Oh, change the record, Samuel!

0:22:44 > 0:22:45I won't miss your bad temper, though.

0:22:47 > 0:22:48Petty.

0:22:49 > 0:22:50Judgmental.

0:22:51 > 0:22:52Bit harsh.

0:22:54 > 0:22:55I will miss you.

0:22:57 > 0:22:58Always.

0:22:59 > 0:23:01Yeah, well.

0:23:03 > 0:23:04And, hey presto,

0:23:04 > 0:23:06money is back in your account.

0:23:07 > 0:23:10Remind me to take that surveillance footage down,

0:23:10 > 0:23:12say, sometime this evening.

0:23:13 > 0:23:18Mum, might now be a good time to talk about power of attorney?

0:23:19 > 0:23:21You want to get your hands on my money?

0:23:21 > 0:23:25- No!- You couldn't even organise your pocket money as a boy.

0:23:25 > 0:23:28Mother, it's got nothing to do with money, OK?

0:23:28 > 0:23:31I can't keep going home and leaving you here alone.

0:23:31 > 0:23:34I just can't do it - so how about

0:23:34 > 0:23:37we look into finding you somewhere closer to me?

0:23:38 > 0:23:41Just stop this, stop it!

0:23:41 > 0:23:44I won't go! I want to stay here!

0:23:44 > 0:23:48I won't go to wherever it is that YOU live.

0:23:54 > 0:23:57I never laugh with my wife.

0:23:57 > 0:23:59We don't have fun.

0:23:59 > 0:24:01She hates quiche.

0:24:01 > 0:24:03Not everyone's a fan.

0:24:03 > 0:24:05My wife doesn't understand me.

0:24:05 > 0:24:07Not like you do.

0:24:07 > 0:24:10You're hardly unfathomable.

0:24:10 > 0:24:12I want to be a good person,

0:24:12 > 0:24:15but she makes it so difficult.

0:24:17 > 0:24:18Oh...

0:24:19 > 0:24:21So sorry!

0:24:21 > 0:24:24Let me... Sorry!

0:24:24 > 0:24:26ICE CUBE CLATTERS

0:24:26 > 0:24:28Oh, dear! Um...

0:24:31 > 0:24:32Sorry.

0:24:43 > 0:24:46You need to have respect for your mother.

0:24:46 > 0:24:48Am I supposed to be apologising?

0:24:48 > 0:24:51Yes. I may not remember what I had for my breakfast,

0:24:51 > 0:24:53or what we watched on the television last night.

0:24:53 > 0:24:55- We watched...- It doesn't matter!

0:24:56 > 0:25:01- Thousands of people are living with dementia, and- I- will live with it.

0:25:02 > 0:25:08I just want to take control and be my own person for as long as I can.

0:25:08 > 0:25:09Mother, I know that, but...

0:25:09 > 0:25:13I'm very grateful for everything you do, but I'm not prepared

0:25:13 > 0:25:16to give up on myself. Not yet.

0:25:20 > 0:25:22You made lemon meringue pie?

0:25:23 > 0:25:24I'm not leaving.

0:25:24 > 0:25:27That's complicated. Where's the recipe book?

0:25:27 > 0:25:29In my head.

0:25:30 > 0:25:32For now.

0:25:32 > 0:25:35Along with a lot of other more-important things.

0:25:38 > 0:25:39I hear you, Mum.

0:25:39 > 0:25:42Really? What did I say?

0:25:43 > 0:25:48Alisdair is to make no plans without consulting his mother first.

0:25:49 > 0:25:51Hallelujah!

0:25:51 > 0:25:56Excitement and lust become powerful things.

0:25:56 > 0:25:59- Lust.- But we must best our cravings.

0:25:59 > 0:26:02They're powerful because they're important.

0:26:02 > 0:26:05What's the alternative?

0:26:05 > 0:26:07Dry, chaste boredom?

0:26:07 > 0:26:10I can't be the other woman, Ashley.

0:26:10 > 0:26:14- And I don't believe you'd want me to be.- But I do... I just...- Hush.

0:26:14 > 0:26:16- ..want you!- No.

0:26:16 > 0:26:17Oh, Valerie.

0:26:19 > 0:26:21Ooh, lemon meringue pie.

0:26:23 > 0:26:24Irresistible.

0:26:26 > 0:26:27I've got to go.

0:26:27 > 0:26:30- What if- I- were a pie, Valerie?

0:26:30 > 0:26:35What if I were a shortcrust pastry case filled with lemon curd...?

0:26:37 > 0:26:42What if I was spread with meringue?

0:26:42 > 0:26:44- Stop it.- Zesty.

0:26:44 > 0:26:47- No, we can't... - Taste my sugary goodness!

0:26:51 > 0:26:55- We need to get things sorted. - What do you care?!

0:26:55 > 0:26:58- Of course I care.- Then, why do you want to take my home away?

0:26:58 > 0:27:01Why are you tormenting that poor young woman?

0:27:01 > 0:27:04Ashley's booked us a hotel for a dangerous liaison this afternoon.

0:27:04 > 0:27:07You can't just pop off with him for a quick bonk at lunchtime.

0:27:07 > 0:27:09Amy, Sean's dead.

0:27:09 > 0:27:11How could he possibly be sending you texts?