0:00:41 > 0:00:42Are you all right?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I don't know.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46You're bleeding.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49I was attacked.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50- Do you know by who?- No.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Did you hit your head at all?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- I'm not sure.- Right, OK.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59- I think we need to get you to hospital.- No.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I just need to get cleaned up.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Look at this dress!
0:01:08 > 0:01:09All right, it's all right.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Come on.
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Sorry I'm late.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Couple of minutes. No worries.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17There isn't any way we could postpone my assessment?
0:01:19 > 0:01:21I'm afraid not.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23We've got an IT crisis at work and I'm way behind...
0:01:23 > 0:01:25This was set up ages ago.
0:01:25 > 0:01:26- I can't cancel it now.- OK.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28I just thought I'd ask.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30I've got an interesting case for you.
0:01:30 > 0:01:31She's an ex-patient.
0:01:31 > 0:01:34I've downloaded some of the case details.
0:01:34 > 0:01:39She's suffering from persistent complex grief disorder.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41- Just can't move on.- Why not?
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- That, you need to find out for yourself.- OK.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50Just get her to try and open up a bit, maybe encourage her to see
0:01:50 > 0:01:55things a bit differently, show her how counselling could help.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57In one session?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Why not? I have every faith in you.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01CHIMING
0:02:01 > 0:02:02She's here.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16What are you doing?
0:02:16 > 0:02:19I had forgotten how much work was involved.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20Who's getting married?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- I am.- To who?
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Ashley, obviously.
0:02:25 > 0:02:26- Ashley?!- Yeah.
0:02:28 > 0:02:29He proposed.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30What?!
0:02:30 > 0:02:36Now, do you think that the cupcakes should match the floral display or just complement it?
0:02:36 > 0:02:38How can you even be thinking about cupcakes and flowers?
0:02:38 > 0:02:40You have to, Eesh.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41There are more important things.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Yeah, I know, obviously - the dress.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46Fortunately, I have narrowed my shortlist down to 12.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48No, no, no. Not the dress.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52I've also got shortlists for the venue, the music, the cake. Oh!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- Would you like to be a bridesmaid? - Valerie, none of that matters.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57I think you'll find it does.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59The most important thing in any wedding is
0:02:59 > 0:03:01the man you're going to marry.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03- And?- Think about it.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I've told you. It's Ashley.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Who's already married.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10To another woman!
0:03:17 > 0:03:18Sorry.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22You've really no idea who did this to you?
0:03:22 > 0:03:23It's all a bit of a blur.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Was it because you're wearing a... you know?- Karen!
0:03:28 > 0:03:32There have been loads of homophobic attacks lately, Rob said.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34I'm... I'm not gay.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- Oh!- Look, Karen.
0:03:36 > 0:03:40Lots of crossdressers aren't gay.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41I'm not a crossdresser.
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- Oh.- This...is my wife's dress.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Right.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Ever since I lost her, I've started to wear her clothes.
0:03:58 > 0:03:59It helps me to feel closer to her.
0:04:04 > 0:04:10Well, Leo, your head seems fine, but I would still like you to go to A&E.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12No.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Is there somebody we can call?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Or someone who can come and take care of you?
0:04:18 > 0:04:19I've got no-one...
0:04:21 > 0:04:22..now that Ali's gone.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33It's been five years since my husband died.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36I know I'm supposed to move on, get over it.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Why do you say supposed to move on?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42It's what everyone thinks - it's what they want.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43And what do you think?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Mostly, I don't think anything.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47I just feel numb.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53I bounce back and forth between the shock, the anger,
0:04:53 > 0:04:54the hopelessness.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Talking about how you feel is always a good start.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00Exactly.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07You've had some physical health problems since your husband died, yes?
0:05:07 > 0:05:11My blood pressure's too high, I suffer from insomnia,
0:05:11 > 0:05:15anxiety, dizzy spells.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16And you're on medication?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Anti-depressants.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Not that they make any difference.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21And I self-medicate.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23Alcohol.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27- And you've had counselling?- Yes.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30But this is different.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Nothing can help me now.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41I don't normally go out looking like this.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43But I have lapses.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Lapses?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49I lose all track of time, and then
0:05:49 > 0:05:51I look up and I don't know where I am or how I got there.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52That's not good.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53I miss her so much.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56My wife.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00It's like we were two people living in two bodies,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03and now it's like we're two people living in one body.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Is that crazy?
0:06:07 > 0:06:08No.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Look, about these... - Is there another way out of here?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Why?- I've just seen one of my students in your waiting room.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Oh, oh, right.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18So you're a lecturer?
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Environmental sciences. I can't face him, not wearing this.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- I understand.- Couldn't I stay here? I mean, just for a bit?- Um...
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Yes. Yes, I suppose so.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30I could find you a room.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Well, it's probably a good idea for me to keep an eye on you for a bit, anyway.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- Thank you.- OK. No problem.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37I'll just go and sort it out.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52You are unbelievable!
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- No, wait...- Did you listen to a word I said?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- I will stop in a minute.- No!
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Look, I've just got to finish planning, just in case.- Valerie, step away from the magazines!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- Ayesha!- I'm serious.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- They're just magazines.- Right, get your things. We're going out.- What?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I've got to get you away from them.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11We'll go and fly Sierra's kite.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Don't throw them away!
0:07:15 > 0:07:20When he died, I left everything in our flat exactly as it was.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23I couldn't bring myself to change anything.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24I still can't.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Does that help you cope?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29I don't live there any more.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32I moved in with my niece and her husband.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Was that your idea?- No.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36My niece, and her husband.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39And they were right. It wasn't practical.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44But I think they mainly wanted to get me away from the memories.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Why?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50She thinks it's bad for me.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Not that she would ever say anything.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54But I can see it in her eyes.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06I've said he can stay for a little bit.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08So, this was handed in.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10It was found on the pavement outside.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11I've had a look through.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Is that his name?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Leo. Leo Barberry. Yes.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Do you think his wife's death has sent him a bit, you know...?
0:08:21 > 0:08:25- Karen!- What? I mean, it's not normal, is it?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Going around, dressed like that, just to be close to your wife?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30It doesn't mean that he's mentally ill.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- Maybe not...- Look.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Can you keep an eye on him for me, please?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38He's been talking about having memory lapses. Thanks.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45What people do often has more effect on us than what they say.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47They'd never do anything to hurt me.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49They might not be aware.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51I don't make life easy for them.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55If you feel that you're being judged but no-one actually says so,
0:08:55 > 0:08:57then that's not easy.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Do you really think people are judging?
0:09:01 > 0:09:04It can make it harder to see things for what they are.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Even they don't know they're doing it.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Especially if they don't.
0:09:11 > 0:09:15Actually, there were some things - a lot of things.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Really?
0:09:17 > 0:09:18Things I tried to say.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23Things they ignored, looks between them.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Between who?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28This isn't something we talked about.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- Maybe we should have.- Sorry?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33If we could get back to...
0:09:33 > 0:09:35It might have been different.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36About what?
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Celia?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I'm sorry. I need some air.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Oh, kite-flying!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Just the sort of thing Ashley would enjoy.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55- Valerie!- What?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Stop thinking about Ashley.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59I'm not.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01How do you even know he's going to leave his wife?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Cos he told me.- Married men have affairs all the time.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06And they mostly don't leave their wives.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07He did propose to me.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Yeah, before he'd sorted his marriage out,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13and before you two had any idea if you could even make it work again.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14I'm sure we can.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17He's a coward.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18How can you say that?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20When you told him you had cancer, what did he do?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22He said he couldn't cope and walked away.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- Great, I'll see you in three weeks. - Sure.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Our friend - he's barricaded himself in the sickbay.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Oh, no.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Are you OK?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Not really.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43If you don't want to go back in...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48You spend years thinking you know someone.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Thinking you know what's best for them.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52You talking about your husband?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56There were things we never discussed.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Important things.
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Like?
0:11:00 > 0:11:02I'm Catholic.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04And he had no time for religion.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06No-one in my family did.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08- Was that a problem?- No.
0:11:08 > 0:11:13I just accepted it but, in his will, he asked to be cremated.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17He didn't even want a service.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18OK.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20He was a very private man.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22So, I did what he wanted.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24I obeyed his wishes to the letter.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Was that a problem?
0:11:29 > 0:11:32It was mainly the cremation.
0:11:32 > 0:11:38By doing that, I betrayed my faith, my God and, in the end,
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I betrayed him too.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41I see.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Do you? No-one else did.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50You know what Jacob said?
0:11:50 > 0:11:52He said she was just using it as an excuse.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Another way to avoid moving on.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58She?
0:11:59 > 0:12:00What?
0:12:00 > 0:12:01You said she.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06Did I? I meant me.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Sorry.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Today isn't going to plan at all.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12What plan?
0:12:14 > 0:12:18What if the cremation really was the most important thing?
0:12:18 > 0:12:20And no-one could see it for what it was?
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Not even me.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23No-one could see what?
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Nothing.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Leo? He's got the window open.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42- Leo?- Don't come any closer!
0:12:42 > 0:12:44All right, all right. I'm not going to.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45It's all right.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52You said you betrayed your faith. Could you elaborate?
0:12:52 > 0:12:56If the sanctity of the human body isn't respected, there's no
0:12:56 > 0:12:58chance of resurrection.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02And respect is critical in Christianity, yes?
0:13:02 > 0:13:03Yes.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09What about self-sacrifice? I mean, obviously, Christ sacrificed himself.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12So that's pretty fundamental, too?
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Yes.
0:13:14 > 0:13:20Is it possible that what you did was genuinely spiritual?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24Generous and Christian in the deepest sense of the words?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27How do you mean?
0:13:27 > 0:13:31Well, you respected him enough to sacrifice the thing that was most important to you.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32Like Christ did.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- Exactly.- I don't think we should read too much into...
0:13:36 > 0:13:41Because I was serving him and denying myself.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42If there is an afterlife,
0:13:42 > 0:13:45what you did would have made it easier for him to transition to.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Not harder.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50I never thought of it like that.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53I don't think anyone did.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56And if he was, in fact, in heaven,
0:13:56 > 0:14:00wouldn't that have made it easier for you to let him go?
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Maybe.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Oh, God!
0:14:08 > 0:14:09What?
0:14:10 > 0:14:12She wasn't trying to hold on to him.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- She?- She was trying to let him go.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- Celia?- But she couldn't.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Because of what she'd done.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- Who?- Aunt Dora.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21What are you doing?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23And we couldn't see it.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- Who's Aunt Dora? - Because we didn't listen.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28We didn't take her seriously.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- We did.- That's why she killed herself.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Sorry, what's going on?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45You don't know what pain feels like.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of her.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Believe me, I know what you're going through.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51You've lost someone, I suppose?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53More than once.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59I'm sorry. How do you get over it?
0:15:02 > 0:15:05I'm not sure you ever do.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07But you find a way to carry on.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09What if you can't?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12It always feels like that at first.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13But things change.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17And there are people who can help you.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19There's only one person who can help me, and she's gone.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- And no-one else even knows I'm alive.- Really?
0:15:23 > 0:15:27That student earlier - he was in my consulting room.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30He said that you are the best lecturer in the department.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Did he?
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Yes. Come away from the window.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Aunt Dora is my aunt.
0:15:46 > 0:15:49She was the one with the complex grief disorder.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51And it was her husband who died?
0:15:51 > 0:15:52Yes.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53She went to pieces.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54So we asked her to move in with us.
0:15:57 > 0:15:58And you're together?
0:16:00 > 0:16:01We're married.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05And you counselled her?
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Yes.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Everything we told you did happen.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Just...not to me.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Did she really kill herself?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- Yes.- When?
0:16:14 > 0:16:15Two years ago.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Why didn't you tell me all of this?
0:16:18 > 0:16:23I wanted your assessment to be as realistic as possible.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26I had another case lined up. He backed out at the last minute.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29- So why didn't you just let me postpone it?- Celia was on her way.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32I thought this would work.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34It was something we'd talked about,
0:16:34 > 0:16:40something we'd lived through. If only she'd kept to the script.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44I'm sorry. I thought I could do it.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46What happened?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49It was what he said about the cremation. I should have known that was the problem.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53Celia, it's not your fault Dora killed herself.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57I wish you could see what this is doing to you.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00- I'm fine.- That's why you've got to go and see someone.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03This is the first time you've opened up since she died.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Did you set this up? To convince her that she needed counselling?
0:17:10 > 0:17:12You did, didn't you? You used me.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13And me.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18I'm sorry. I was desperate.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26I know you're right.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27Do something about it, then.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Yeah, I should, I suppose.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34- Valerie!- What?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- You're supposed to pull when I throw the kite up.- Oh, sorry.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40It's just I can't stop thinking about it.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42How wonderful it would be if it worked.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Which it won't.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45It would be a lovely wedding.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46- Stop it!- What?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Stop thinking about weddings!
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Anyway, what would you know about a functional relationship? You've never had one.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- I have.- You haven't been with anyone since Tyler.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58- And that was a disaster. - Maybe I don't want to be with anyone at the moment.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00You just don't want me to be happy, that's what it is.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03You've got a cushy little number at my place, and Ashley would ruin that.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- That is rubbish.- You want me to be unloved and lonely.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08I'm doing the kite now.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11I mean, you're young, beautiful.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13You've got your whole life ahead of you.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17I'm unwanted, on the shelf.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- Why are you doing this?- What?
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Helping me.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30I'm worried about you.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Could I have a word, please, in private?
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Can you give me a minute?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44You can go.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45I'm not going to do anything, I promise.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50So there was no other patient, was there? No last-minute cancellation?
0:18:50 > 0:18:53- No.- Everything you've told me since I've arrived - that's a lie?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- I'm sorry.- What else have you lied about?
0:18:56 > 0:18:57He lied to me.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I was trying to help you.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01That doesn't make it right.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Or very ethical.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Did you lie to Aunt Dora? - What about?
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You never really wanted to treat her.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Because she was family.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10But you begged me.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12You didn't take her seriously.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14I did everything by the book!
0:19:14 > 0:19:16How do I know that isn't a lie?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Actually, he's right.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22The danger is, you get too close or take things too seriously.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25If you'd explained the cremation to her the way he did...
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Counselling people you're close to is never a good idea.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Why did you stop her sessions? - I didn't.
0:19:30 > 0:19:31She said you did.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34I told her that there was no point in carrying on unless she took it seriously.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35So you did stop them?
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I had to do something to shock her!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Is that what you were trying to do to me? Shock me?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42You've got to move on, Celia.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45How am I supposed to move on?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48I found my aunt dead on our bathroom floor!
0:19:48 > 0:19:50How do you think I feel? I was treating her.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51And I failed!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59His phone rang. It was in his bag.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00So I answered it.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- Who was it?- His wife.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- What?- Yeah.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07No, no, no, he...
0:20:07 > 0:20:09She left him three months ago.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13She wanted to know how he was after what happened outside.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15How did she know about that?
0:20:15 > 0:20:16She was there.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29The reason I can't move on is because you blame me
0:20:29 > 0:20:31- for what happened.- I don't.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33You don't say it, but you think it.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36If anyone killed Aunt Dora, it's me.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Or neither of you.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Don't patronise me. It's bad enough him doing it.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Well, there is another way of looking at this.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50When I arrived, you told me to get her to open up,
0:20:50 > 0:20:53try to get her to think about things differently.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54You told him that?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56And that's what I've been doing.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Your aunt felt that she'd betrayed her faith, her God
0:20:59 > 0:21:04and her husband by cremating him and denying him a place in heaven, yes?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05That's what she said.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09And you reckon that she couldn't forgive herself,
0:21:09 > 0:21:11she couldn't move on and, ultimately, couldn't go on living?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14It's a guess, yes, but it seems likely.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16- And she was quite devout?- Very.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19And she probably knew more about Christianity than any of us?
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Obviously.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25So, if I could work out that, by following the wishes
0:21:25 > 0:21:27in the will, that was compassionate...
0:21:29 > 0:21:30And Christian.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32..then maybe she could, too.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35She didn't say anything in our sessions.
0:21:35 > 0:21:40Trying to explain faith to someone who clearly doesn't believe
0:21:40 > 0:21:42can feel like a waste of time.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46The week before she died, she talked about heaven a lot.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48She was just rambling.
0:21:48 > 0:21:49What if she wasn't, though?
0:21:49 > 0:21:53What if she decided he was there after all?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Then why would she kill herself?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Because she was trying to join him.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01That doesn't make sense.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Well, not to you, maybe to her.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05And it would be wrong.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08A terrible mistake on so many levels.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Maybe.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12But that's her mistake, not yours.
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- Why did you tell me your wife had died?- I didn't. I said I lost her.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Yes, but you knew I thought she was dead.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21She might as well be.
0:22:21 > 0:22:23She won't talk to me, she won't see me.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24Actually, she's on her way.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Really?
0:22:27 > 0:22:29She said that you tried to hit her boyfriend.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30He stole the woman I love.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- And he hit you back? - Yeah, well, he's bigger than me.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- So why did you say you didn't know who'd attacked you? - She'll bring him!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- I've got to get out of here! - No. She's coming on her own.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Please. I'd rather you stayed.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Why?
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Because I'm worried that you're a danger to yourself.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Sometimes I think it's the only way she'll realise how much I need her.
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Do you think you'd really do it?
0:22:59 > 0:23:00I don't know. Maybe.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- There's always something you can do. - Is there?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- Otherwise you're just defeatist. - Or realistic.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10You've got no business being a counsellor.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Not everyone wants to be helped.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16When you've passed your assessment, I might take your advice. Until then...
0:23:16 > 0:23:20What do you mean, when? He was brilliant.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22- What, that? That doesn't count. - Why not?
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Because the whole thing fell apart. There was no session.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26You can't do this to me.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I have nothing to assess you on.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31It's not my fault your set-up didn't work.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- Still.- So you lied to me,
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- you've wasted my time, and you manipulated me.- And me.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- I could complain about all of this. - Fine.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42If you think it will do you any good.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Do you know what? I took on board everything you said.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47All the lies.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I addressed the problem,
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I even found a way to positively reframe Dora's narrative.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Hypothetically.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- You did say he got me to open up. - I even found a way to reframe your narrative.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- Which, incidentally, was every bit as poisonous as Dora's. - Don't get above yourself.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05I haven't forgotten that snide little remark about counselling people too close to you.
0:24:05 > 0:24:08- I was agreeing with you!- You don't know the first thing about Celia.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Or me, or our relationship.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11He was trying to help.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14And you've got no idea what was going on in Dora's brain.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15No-one does.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Valerie, you are not over the hill.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24And anyway, it's not like you only get one chance to meet someone in your 20s and then that's it.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Well, it feels like it.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Look at Ruhma and Heston.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I'm not like them.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32There will be someone for you.
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Just not Ashley.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35He is very persistent.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37So is a stalker.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Oh, he's not as bad as all that!
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Actually, he sort of idolises me.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45When it suits him. And when it doesn't, he dumps you.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46What if I could get him to change?
0:24:46 > 0:24:48You can't.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50- I could try.- Seriously?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I know what you're saying, but what if he did change?
0:24:53 > 0:24:57Into what? Into a man who doesn't cheat on his wife?
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Into a man who doesn't leave when someone tells them
0:24:59 > 0:25:00they've got cancer?
0:25:02 > 0:25:03All right.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05He couldn't be more wrong for you.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08And you know that.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Do you often think you'd be better off dead?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Quite a lot.
0:25:22 > 0:25:26But I don't know if I'd really do it.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29You know, it's a sign of depression.
0:25:29 > 0:25:33And depression is an illness, just like any other.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36And there are people who can help you get better.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- Can they bring Ali back? - She's not dead.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- But she still cares about you. - Does she?
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Yeah, otherwise she wouldn't be on her way.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46When she sees me like this, she'll remember why she left me.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49- Apparently, I'm too clingy. - Maybe you should let her go.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51What?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53If you didn't try so hard, she might see why
0:25:53 > 0:25:55she was with you in the first place.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59That would bring her back?
0:26:01 > 0:26:02Probably not.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08But what you're doing isn't working, is it?
0:26:10 > 0:26:11No.
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Look.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17If she cares enough about you to come
0:26:17 > 0:26:22and see you now, then maybe she cares enough to help you get better.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28I've just wasted a whole afternoon.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30It wasn't a total waste.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32I'll have to come back and do it all over again.
0:26:32 > 0:26:33You made a real difference to me.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- And to Jacob.- Really?
0:26:36 > 0:26:37We will talk about what happened now.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Maybe not right away.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- Look, if you'd just been honest with me from the start...- Sorry.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44I've worked really hard for this. Weeks, months.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48- I'm sure it'll be fine.- And then he comes and messes me around, he just lies to me, takes advantage of me.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- He wasn't thinking. - Yeah, well, he had no right.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Dora's death hit him harder than he realises.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56- I'm going to report him for this. - Why?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Because people need to know about him.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01But it could backfire on you. And you're just starting out.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- Yeah, I doubt it. - You were brilliant in there.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05And you'll make a wonderful counsellor.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Why jeopardise that?
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Because I'm not going to let him get away with this.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18There is a cowboy looking at me from across the road.
0:27:20 > 0:27:21I need more time.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24Take as much as you want.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26How long do you think you'll need, roughly?
0:27:26 > 0:27:29- Maybe we deserve what's coming to us.- That's ridiculous.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31It's not like we brought it on ourselves.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33You can't stop here!
0:27:33 > 0:27:35- Says who?- Says us!