A Curate's Egg

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0:00:25 > 0:00:27# Love has got me high

0:00:27 > 0:00:30# Don't you know you're my one and only

0:00:30 > 0:00:33# Mehbooba, Mehbooba... #

0:00:33 > 0:00:36SINGS IN OTHER LANGUAGE

0:00:47 > 0:00:49Heston and Ruhma.

0:01:01 > 0:01:05MUSIC: Woman Trouble by Artful Dodger

0:01:32 > 0:01:33HE CLEARS THROAT

0:01:33 > 0:01:35I thought everyone had already gone.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37I was waiting in my room.

0:01:37 > 0:01:39We have a session booked, remember?

0:01:39 > 0:01:42Yeah, well, Mrs Tembe has got some business at the church,

0:01:42 > 0:01:43so I'm just clearing up.

0:01:43 > 0:01:44Got landed, did you?

0:01:44 > 0:01:46I offered, actually.

0:01:46 > 0:01:47I see. Well, I can give you a hand.

0:01:47 > 0:01:50No, don't worry. You don't have to. It's all right.

0:01:50 > 0:01:53It's fine. We can chat while we work.

0:02:05 > 0:02:07I'm sorry. Can I help you?

0:02:07 > 0:02:08Hello!

0:02:09 > 0:02:11Oh...

0:02:11 > 0:02:13Kieran Stanworth, visiting curate.

0:02:14 > 0:02:15Here, let me.

0:02:17 > 0:02:19You must be Mrs Tembe.

0:02:19 > 0:02:22Reverend Marchant spoke about you on the phone in glowing terms.

0:02:22 > 0:02:24Well, that is very nice to know, but

0:02:24 > 0:02:27I am afraid she has said nothing about you.

0:02:27 > 0:02:28She won't have had time.

0:02:28 > 0:02:32I had another placement, which fell through at the last minute.

0:02:32 > 0:02:34I think the diocese may have prevailed on her slightly.

0:02:34 > 0:02:37You must have impressed her a great deal for her to take you on

0:02:37 > 0:02:38at such short notice.

0:02:38 > 0:02:41To be honest, I came to prep up before our meeting tomorrow.

0:02:41 > 0:02:44I had a quick look on the web page, but nothing beats being here,

0:02:44 > 0:02:46absorbing the atmosphere.

0:02:47 > 0:02:49I couldn't agree more.

0:02:49 > 0:02:53So, where do you want these?

0:02:53 > 0:02:54Oh, in the choir room.

0:02:54 > 0:02:56OK. Lead the way.

0:02:56 > 0:02:57Right. Uh...

0:03:03 > 0:03:05If you would just put it on the chair.

0:03:05 > 0:03:07Yup. No problem.

0:03:07 > 0:03:11This is just some of the donations for our charity auction tomorrow.

0:03:12 > 0:03:15"The Siege Of Letherbridge".

0:03:15 > 0:03:17It is about the Civil War.

0:03:17 > 0:03:19My uncle would have loved this.

0:03:19 > 0:03:20He had a second-hand book shop.

0:03:20 > 0:03:22I'd spend hours in there as a child.

0:03:22 > 0:03:26Well, this is a first edition.

0:03:26 > 0:03:28Oh!

0:03:28 > 0:03:33I can suddenly hear my uncle Ted's voice, telling me to put it down.

0:03:33 > 0:03:37The owner has donated it to us, just to raise some extra funds.

0:03:37 > 0:03:40We are hoping to get about £500 for it.

0:03:40 > 0:03:43There was an article about this, in the newspapers.

0:03:43 > 0:03:46- You should get a good response, then.- Hopefully.

0:03:46 > 0:03:49You know, it's strange how things work out.

0:03:49 > 0:03:52A few hours ago, I was really disappointed about my placement,

0:03:52 > 0:03:55but now... Perhaps God had a different plan for me.

0:03:55 > 0:03:57What do you reckon, Mrs Tembe?

0:03:57 > 0:04:01Perhaps, indeed. Would you like a tour of the church?

0:04:01 > 0:04:04I can acquaint you with some of the history.

0:04:04 > 0:04:06I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble.

0:04:06 > 0:04:09No. It will be no trouble at all. Come.

0:04:09 > 0:04:10Shall we?

0:04:15 > 0:04:20Oh, Daniel's speech. It was so lovely.

0:04:20 > 0:04:22Yeah. Even Al was enthusiastic.

0:04:22 > 0:04:25He's going to blame that on the booze tomorrow.

0:04:25 > 0:04:27Oh, of course he will.

0:04:28 > 0:04:32Hey, did you notice something different about Sid?

0:04:32 > 0:04:36No. Because I only had eyes for my Mehbooba.

0:04:36 > 0:04:38Oh, you can stop that Bollywood stuff right now.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42This is beautiful.

0:04:42 > 0:04:44And the watch is exquisite.

0:04:44 > 0:04:48Yeah. Well, maybe I will forgive you for spoiling the proposal on Friday.

0:04:48 > 0:04:50And me, you too.

0:04:50 > 0:04:52It was amazing, wasn't it?

0:04:53 > 0:04:56It reminded me of watching films with my mum and dad.

0:04:58 > 0:05:05- You...- What?- You've got a party popper in your hair.

0:05:05 > 0:05:07That's Valerie. She strikes again.

0:05:07 > 0:05:08What are you doing?

0:05:15 > 0:05:18He's had all weekend to get used to the idea of us getting married,

0:05:18 > 0:05:19you know.

0:05:21 > 0:05:23We're just going to have to talk to him.

0:05:24 > 0:05:25KNOCK ON DOOR

0:05:25 > 0:05:27Are you in there?

0:05:27 > 0:05:29No.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35Heston and Ruhma missed you at their do.

0:05:35 > 0:05:37I'll text them.

0:05:37 > 0:05:39You missed all the champagne.

0:05:39 > 0:05:40Too bad.

0:05:42 > 0:05:43I hardly saw you at the weekend.

0:05:43 > 0:05:45And you were very quiet at work today.

0:05:45 > 0:05:48The mood I'm in, you should think yourself lucky.

0:05:48 > 0:05:50What's wrong?

0:05:52 > 0:05:53All right, well, look.

0:05:53 > 0:05:55If you fancy some old-fashioned plonk, then come down.

0:05:55 > 0:05:58If you don't, feel free to wallow.

0:06:06 > 0:06:08I'm even more excited about being here now.

0:06:08 > 0:06:10Thank you so much, Mrs Tembe.

0:06:10 > 0:06:12It's my pleasure.

0:06:12 > 0:06:17Now, this is a pamphlet that we have made for some of our visitors.

0:06:17 > 0:06:19No, no, you do not have to pay.

0:06:19 > 0:06:24I insist. After all, I am the visiting curate!

0:06:25 > 0:06:27I should get out of your way now, shouldn't I?

0:06:27 > 0:06:30Well, I do have to set the alarm.

0:06:30 > 0:06:31It has been such a pleasure, Mrs Tembe.

0:06:31 > 0:06:34The feeling is mutual, Mr Stanworth.

0:06:34 > 0:06:37If you need any help with the auction, I'm your man.

0:06:37 > 0:06:38Thank you.

0:06:38 > 0:06:40Oh - customer!

0:06:40 > 0:06:43Reverend.

0:06:43 > 0:06:44Good evening.

0:06:44 > 0:06:46Malcolm Dunwoodie. Pleased to meet you.

0:06:46 > 0:06:51I am Mrs Tembe. Unfortunately, I'm just about to lock up.

0:06:51 > 0:06:53Oh... I needed a quick word.

0:06:55 > 0:06:56How can I help?

0:06:56 > 0:06:57I meant with God.

0:06:59 > 0:07:02Yes, of course. Forgive me.

0:07:02 > 0:07:05I suppose I could pray at home, but...

0:07:05 > 0:07:07No.

0:07:07 > 0:07:11No, I will take a breath of fresh air and give you some privacy.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13Oh, much appreciated. Thank you.

0:07:21 > 0:07:24Yeah, I had a great weekend with my parents, actually.

0:07:24 > 0:07:27It's funny, cos I thought being more self-confident would

0:07:27 > 0:07:29cause more arguments, but...

0:07:31 > 0:07:33- When, in fact, the opposite was true?- Yeah.

0:07:33 > 0:07:35You're going to have to undo it.

0:07:35 > 0:07:38The bag. More party poppers.

0:07:38 > 0:07:40Oh, sorry.

0:07:40 > 0:07:43Yeah. They get everywhere, don't they?

0:07:43 > 0:07:46You were saying? Your parents?

0:07:46 > 0:07:48Oh, yeah. Well, um,

0:07:48 > 0:07:51my mum was a bit shocked to find out I don't actually like her

0:07:51 > 0:07:52sponge pudding.

0:07:52 > 0:07:54But she accepted it, eventually.

0:07:54 > 0:07:56Not before ladling on the guilt, I bet.

0:07:56 > 0:07:57Exactly.

0:07:57 > 0:08:00All that, "I only made it for you." All of that kind of stuff.

0:08:00 > 0:08:04But, well, she still loves me. Doesn't she?

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Of course she does.

0:08:06 > 0:08:07Chest out.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10Yes, sorry. And lead with the hips.

0:08:10 > 0:08:12No more anxious shuffling.

0:08:12 > 0:08:15Very impressive. Almost as good as your dance moves.

0:08:15 > 0:08:19No-one was supposed to see that, so... Thanks, Megan(!)

0:08:19 > 0:08:20All part of the service.

0:08:21 > 0:08:25Right, well, I need to take these out the back and then I'll lock up.

0:08:25 > 0:08:27So I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

0:08:27 > 0:08:29Yeah, we still have a session booked.

0:08:29 > 0:08:30We just did it, didn't we?

0:08:30 > 0:08:32We just had a chat while washing up.

0:08:32 > 0:08:34We didn't cover anything, did we?

0:08:34 > 0:08:35Oh...

0:08:37 > 0:08:38When you're ready?

0:08:45 > 0:08:47OK. How does a pizza grab you?

0:08:47 > 0:08:49Oh, how could you even think about eating?

0:08:49 > 0:08:50Because I'm starving.

0:08:52 > 0:08:57Right, we have got spinach and ricotta or spinach and ricotta.

0:08:57 > 0:08:58How did I buy two the same?

0:08:58 > 0:09:01You do realise that Shak hasn't spoken to either of us since Friday?

0:09:03 > 0:09:07Yeah, because he is a moody teenager.

0:09:07 > 0:09:11Well, maybe this mood coincides with our engagement.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13Maybe I should have asked his permission.

0:09:13 > 0:09:19Really? And what if he'd said no?

0:09:19 > 0:09:20Why would he say no?

0:09:20 > 0:09:23Look... I will talk to him.

0:09:23 > 0:09:25No, I'll deal with it.

0:09:27 > 0:09:31If I have offended him, I must put it right.

0:09:41 > 0:09:42Thanks.

0:09:42 > 0:09:44Where's Sid?

0:09:44 > 0:09:46He insisted on clearing up.

0:09:46 > 0:09:49I'll tell you something - he was the life and soul of the party.

0:09:49 > 0:09:50Unlike me, then?

0:09:52 > 0:09:58So I think it's got to be one of two things. Either...

0:09:58 > 0:10:02it's a problem with a new man, or Bren has turned up again.

0:10:03 > 0:10:04You should be doing Megan's job.

0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oh, come on, it's not that hard.

0:10:06 > 0:10:08We have been living together for a while now.

0:10:08 > 0:10:10I know when something's up.

0:10:11 > 0:10:15And if it is a new man, you're keeping him very quiet.

0:10:15 > 0:10:16Then it's guess number two.

0:10:24 > 0:10:25Oh!

0:10:27 > 0:10:29Are you all right, Mr Dunwoodie?

0:10:29 > 0:10:30Yes, except...

0:10:31 > 0:10:33What is it?

0:10:33 > 0:10:38Well, I was deep in my prayers, and somebody came in.

0:10:38 > 0:10:42And I didn't want to interrupt my flow, so I just ignored it.

0:10:42 > 0:10:45- Somebody came in?- Yeah. - Where are they?

0:10:46 > 0:10:49You tell me. And then there was this cracking noise.

0:10:49 > 0:10:50Where from?

0:10:50 > 0:10:52Somewhere over there.

0:11:04 > 0:11:06Oh, my goodness.

0:11:06 > 0:11:08I am really sorry.

0:11:09 > 0:11:11This is not your fault.

0:11:11 > 0:11:14No. They can't have got very far.

0:11:14 > 0:11:17Look, can you just call the police?

0:11:17 > 0:11:18Yeah, OK. Sure.

0:11:27 > 0:11:30There something wrong, Sid?

0:11:30 > 0:11:32No.

0:11:32 > 0:11:34You can tell me. I am your therapist, remember?

0:11:35 > 0:11:38Well, I just...

0:11:38 > 0:11:43I did wonder, do we have to talk about the erotic transference again?

0:11:43 > 0:11:44I think so.

0:11:44 > 0:11:46If we don't, it can become a stumbling block,

0:11:46 > 0:11:49and can be hard to move over the embarrassment.

0:11:49 > 0:11:50You're embarrassed?

0:11:50 > 0:11:53No. I'm used to this kind of thing. It's normal in therapy.

0:11:55 > 0:11:57I think I've figured it out. anyway.

0:11:57 > 0:11:58You've discovered the root of it?

0:11:58 > 0:12:00Yeah, definitely.

0:12:00 > 0:12:02Great. Would you like to share?

0:12:03 > 0:12:05Not sure if that's such a good idea.

0:12:05 > 0:12:08Sid, I think we need to discover why this is so significant.

0:12:08 > 0:12:09It's important.

0:12:12 > 0:12:14LOUD ROCK MUSIC

0:12:14 > 0:12:15KNOCK ON DOOR

0:12:16 > 0:12:19Shak? Thought you might be hungry.

0:12:25 > 0:12:26I'll leave this here.

0:12:33 > 0:12:34Shak, what's wrong?

0:12:34 > 0:12:36You haven't spoken to me in days.

0:12:38 > 0:12:43Shak, come on. You know I love your mother.

0:12:43 > 0:12:47And I want what's best for you and Alia. I know I'm not your dad,

0:12:47 > 0:12:50but if there's anything you need... You know that.

0:13:04 > 0:13:09Mr Stanworth. The auction items have been stolen.

0:13:09 > 0:13:12- What?- Did you see anyone running this way?

0:13:12 > 0:13:15No, I was... How on earth could this happen?

0:13:15 > 0:13:18They have broken the lock on the office door.

0:13:20 > 0:13:23Mrs Tembe, shouldn't we be doing something?

0:13:23 > 0:13:25It might be best if you go one way,

0:13:25 > 0:13:26and I'll go the other.

0:13:29 > 0:13:31METAL CLATTERS

0:13:31 > 0:13:34Mr Dunwoodie! Mr Dunwoodie!

0:13:34 > 0:13:35Oi!

0:13:36 > 0:13:38'She haunts me.'

0:13:38 > 0:13:40Every time I think I've got my life back on track,

0:13:40 > 0:13:41she just messes it all up again.

0:13:41 > 0:13:44Well, she's not going to this time because you're not going to let her.

0:13:44 > 0:13:47Yeah, but if she was anybody else I'd be getting her help.

0:13:47 > 0:13:49She's had help, and plenty of it.

0:13:49 > 0:13:52And you've made sacrifices. Does she care?

0:13:52 > 0:13:53No, she doesn't.

0:13:53 > 0:13:56Motherhood does not give someone the licence to destroy their children.

0:13:56 > 0:14:00She doesn't know the meaning of the word "motherhood".

0:14:00 > 0:14:02I thought you'd made the decision not to see her.

0:14:02 > 0:14:05Yeah, I have, and I'm sticking to it this time.

0:14:05 > 0:14:07Really?

0:14:07 > 0:14:09Yeah. She isn't lying in the gutter somewhere.

0:14:09 > 0:14:12In fact, she says she's clean, so good luck to her.

0:14:12 > 0:14:14Good. I think that's the right decision.

0:14:16 > 0:14:19You know what? I'm sick of sitting here, moaning.

0:14:19 > 0:14:22Why don't we do something silly?

0:14:22 > 0:14:24How silly?

0:14:25 > 0:14:28Interesting that Abigail was your tutor at med school.

0:14:28 > 0:14:30Something of a mentor?

0:14:30 > 0:14:31I suppose.

0:14:31 > 0:14:32Older than you?

0:14:32 > 0:14:34A little.

0:14:34 > 0:14:37Did you enjoy living dangerously?

0:14:38 > 0:14:39What do you mean?

0:14:39 > 0:14:43Student, tutor... Little bit risky.

0:14:43 > 0:14:44Did she give you an A every time?

0:14:47 > 0:14:49For your course work?

0:14:51 > 0:14:52No, of course not.

0:14:52 > 0:14:54I got my marks from my academic ability.

0:14:56 > 0:14:57OK.

0:14:58 > 0:15:01Sorry, I'm not sure where all of this is going.

0:15:02 > 0:15:07It's important we establish if the erotic transference is rooted

0:15:07 > 0:15:10in any kind of guilt or failure?

0:15:10 > 0:15:11Neither.

0:15:12 > 0:15:16So, if your relationship with Abigail was so fulfilling,

0:15:16 > 0:15:19why are you projecting your desire for her onto me?

0:15:22 > 0:15:26Well, we were never really an item as such.

0:15:27 > 0:15:29You wanted more?

0:15:30 > 0:15:32I must have done, yeah.

0:15:32 > 0:15:35- Sex?- Sorry? - Did you want to have sex...

0:15:36 > 0:15:38..with Abigail?

0:15:39 > 0:15:42Uh...

0:15:42 > 0:15:47So - you say you came here to pray?

0:15:47 > 0:15:49I needed to, desperately.

0:15:49 > 0:15:52Would you like to tell us why?

0:15:52 > 0:15:57Well, I lost my job at the sorting office just after Christmas.

0:15:57 > 0:16:00And it has been uphill ever since then.

0:16:00 > 0:16:03And now my wife has left me.

0:16:03 > 0:16:05I still believe the police need to get involved.

0:16:05 > 0:16:08Oh, please, don't do that.

0:16:08 > 0:16:10If I get a criminal record, that is me stuffed.

0:16:10 > 0:16:13It's hard enough finding work at my age anyway.

0:16:13 > 0:16:15And in this thing...forget it.

0:16:16 > 0:16:18The items have been returned.

0:16:18 > 0:16:20Not returned so much as recovered.

0:16:20 > 0:16:23And I think we must not forget that these items were going to be

0:16:23 > 0:16:25sold, to help the needy.

0:16:25 > 0:16:27He's in need himself.

0:16:27 > 0:16:29In that case, why did you not ask for help?

0:16:29 > 0:16:31Stupid pride. And now look where it's got me.

0:16:33 > 0:16:35Repentance must count for something?

0:16:36 > 0:16:38And surely it's our business to forgive?

0:16:40 > 0:16:43Ugh, this butter is way too soft.

0:16:43 > 0:16:45This is what comes of not putting it in the fridge.

0:16:45 > 0:16:46Sorry, chef. Won't do it again.

0:16:46 > 0:16:48Better not.

0:16:48 > 0:16:50You see these adverts on telly -

0:16:50 > 0:16:53kids baking in huge kitchens with their mums.

0:16:53 > 0:16:54So not what it was like for us.

0:16:54 > 0:16:56I hope I'm not becoming a mother substitute.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58No, no. It's not that, I promise.

0:16:58 > 0:17:00It's just that with you, I'm free to make mistakes.

0:17:00 > 0:17:01If it turns out good, then fine.

0:17:01 > 0:17:03If it doesn't, who cares?

0:17:03 > 0:17:06Well, you, me and some soft butter. What could possibly go wrong?

0:17:08 > 0:17:10Um, so...

0:17:10 > 0:17:14I think we need to try and separate me from Abigail.

0:17:14 > 0:17:16Why?

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Just to put this bed,

0:17:18 > 0:17:19so to speak.

0:17:20 > 0:17:24Easier said than done, isn't it?

0:17:24 > 0:17:26Describe her for me.

0:17:26 > 0:17:29This woman that you fell in love with.

0:17:29 > 0:17:31I didn't say that I fell in love with her.

0:17:31 > 0:17:32Not even a little bit?

0:17:34 > 0:17:36It's hard.

0:17:36 > 0:17:39I'm sure it is. Come on, have a go.

0:17:41 > 0:17:45OK, um... Brown hair.

0:17:45 > 0:17:49Short-ish. Fringe.

0:17:51 > 0:17:52Dark eyes.

0:17:53 > 0:17:55Height?

0:17:55 > 0:17:57About 5'6"?

0:17:57 > 0:17:58With or without heels?

0:18:00 > 0:18:02Don't let it get to you.

0:18:02 > 0:18:05Nothing in life prepares you for being a parent to

0:18:05 > 0:18:06a stroppy teenager.

0:18:06 > 0:18:09It's fine. I got used to being shunned at boarding school.

0:18:09 > 0:18:12I've just got a bit more experience than you, that's all.

0:18:13 > 0:18:15We're in this together, OK?

0:18:18 > 0:18:19I'll get to the bottom of it.

0:18:21 > 0:18:23It's going to be all right.

0:18:24 > 0:18:27Mr Stanworth, may I have a word, please?

0:18:36 > 0:18:37Poor man.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40If we are to believe what he says...

0:18:42 > 0:18:44You're not convinced?

0:18:44 > 0:18:47He waited until I had left the building before breaking the lock.

0:18:47 > 0:18:50People are driven to crime by circumstance.

0:18:51 > 0:18:53Surely we should be nurturing the potential good in him?

0:18:53 > 0:18:57If all criminals were left out of prison, what kind of world would this be?

0:18:57 > 0:18:59"I will teach transgressors thy ways

0:18:59 > 0:19:01"and sinners shall be converted unto thee."

0:19:01 > 0:19:03Psalm 51..

0:19:03 > 0:19:06..Verse 13. I am familiar with it, of course.

0:19:07 > 0:19:10But he committed his transgressions here.

0:19:10 > 0:19:11In God's house.

0:19:11 > 0:19:12Exactly.

0:19:16 > 0:19:18I'm torn as well.

0:19:18 > 0:19:22But there has to be a reason why his and my paths have crossed today.

0:19:22 > 0:19:24And you believe you can save him?

0:19:24 > 0:19:26I believe God wants me to try.

0:19:26 > 0:19:30In any case, I need a project to get my teeth into.

0:19:30 > 0:19:31What if he goes stealing again?

0:19:31 > 0:19:35Then I will have failed. But it is worth the risk.

0:19:36 > 0:19:39I'm not sure Reverend Marchant will think that way.

0:19:39 > 0:19:43Don't you see? My placement fails and I am sent here.

0:19:43 > 0:19:46On my first visit to the church, I meet a man who needs my help.

0:19:48 > 0:19:49How much clearer could the Lord be?

0:19:51 > 0:19:54For the first time in my life, I feel I have a true calling.

0:19:54 > 0:19:55I can't just ignore that.

0:19:58 > 0:20:01Yes, well, I admire your unquestioning faith.

0:20:02 > 0:20:04Then listen to your heart.

0:20:06 > 0:20:11Very well. But please, please just be careful.

0:20:11 > 0:20:13I will, I promise.

0:20:19 > 0:20:22Would you like me to escort you home?

0:20:22 > 0:20:24Would you? Ah, thanks.

0:20:25 > 0:20:28Mrs Tembe, it's been a real pleasure.

0:20:28 > 0:20:31I look forward to a happy association.

0:20:32 > 0:20:37You are a true Christian woman.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39You're taking a risk with me. I promise I won't let you down.

0:20:39 > 0:20:41I won't betray you.

0:20:41 > 0:20:44I sincerely hope so, Mr Dunwoodie.

0:20:45 > 0:20:46God bless you.

0:20:55 > 0:20:59I don't think you're being entirely truthful with me.

0:20:59 > 0:21:01Because the truth can be a bad idea.

0:21:01 > 0:21:02Not when you're in therapy.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04Especially in therapy.

0:21:04 > 0:21:08Your description of Abigail sounds exactly like me.

0:21:08 > 0:21:11That's a bit narcissistic, if you don't mind me saying.

0:21:11 > 0:21:12Actually, I do mind.

0:21:12 > 0:21:16Why? Aren't therapists allowed to have issues?

0:21:16 > 0:21:17You're flirting with me.

0:21:17 > 0:21:20There you go again. A classic example of projection.

0:21:20 > 0:21:22This consultation is over.

0:21:22 > 0:21:23What? It was just getting fun.

0:21:23 > 0:21:26I can't work with you if you're going to keep lying.

0:21:26 > 0:21:28So you want me to admit I'm flirting with you?

0:21:33 > 0:21:36There was no Abigail. She never even existed.

0:21:37 > 0:21:40Finally. I figured that one out, like half an hour ago.

0:21:43 > 0:21:47I need an emergency locksmith, as soon as possible.

0:21:54 > 0:21:56The book! The book!

0:21:59 > 0:22:02Sorry, I will have to call you back.

0:22:02 > 0:22:04That was close, though, eh?

0:22:04 > 0:22:07You weren't supposed to pinch the silverware as well, you dingbat.

0:22:07 > 0:22:09Hey, who are you calling dingbat? I am the mastermind here.

0:22:09 > 0:22:11You are the stooge.

0:22:11 > 0:22:14Some stooge! I deserve a bloody BAFTA.

0:22:14 > 0:22:18Whatever. Where's the nearest pub, then? I feel like celebrating.

0:22:18 > 0:22:20Bye, Reverend!

0:22:20 > 0:22:22Oh, Reverend Merchant.

0:22:22 > 0:22:27Have you got the telephone number of Mr Stanworth, the visiting curate?

0:22:30 > 0:22:31Stanworth?

0:22:36 > 0:22:39LOUD ROCK MUSIC

0:22:39 > 0:22:40You haven't eaten your pizza.

0:22:44 > 0:22:48MUSIC SWITCHES OFF I said, "You haven't eaten your pizza."

0:22:50 > 0:22:54Actually, they're not very good. What is it?

0:22:57 > 0:22:58Look, if you're worried about your exams,

0:22:58 > 0:23:00I could get Heston to have a chat.

0:23:03 > 0:23:06Is this about me and Heston getting married?

0:23:07 > 0:23:10Come on, Shak, I'm not a mind-reader.

0:23:10 > 0:23:12OK, I'll give you a list of possibilities.

0:23:12 > 0:23:14You tell me if I'm close.

0:23:16 > 0:23:18Is it a girlfriend?

0:23:18 > 0:23:19A boyfriend?

0:23:19 > 0:23:21OK, is it school?

0:23:21 > 0:23:23I can't tell if that is a blink or not.

0:23:27 > 0:23:30It is about Heston and me getting married, isn't it?

0:23:30 > 0:23:33Mum, just leave me alone!

0:23:33 > 0:23:35Shak?

0:23:35 > 0:23:36Just get out of my face.

0:23:39 > 0:23:40Do you know what?

0:23:40 > 0:23:44I've got better things to do than reason with a baby.

0:23:44 > 0:23:45Just grow up, Shak.

0:23:48 > 0:23:51Look, if you want to sulk like this, you're doing it on your own.

0:23:51 > 0:23:53Heston and I had a really lovely day today

0:23:53 > 0:23:56and you're not going to spoil it.

0:24:09 > 0:24:11What did he say? Ooh...

0:24:16 > 0:24:18Here is to inaugural scones! It's exciting.

0:24:20 > 0:24:23Sorry, Emma, I really am one miserable cow.

0:24:23 > 0:24:25It's because you're letting her get to you.

0:24:25 > 0:24:27It's just weird my mum's back in Letherbridge and I've

0:24:27 > 0:24:28no idea where she lives.

0:24:28 > 0:24:30I hope that's not guilt talking.

0:24:30 > 0:24:32Whatever it is, it's not going away.

0:24:32 > 0:24:33Bren is a grown-up.

0:24:33 > 0:24:35It's about time she started looking after herself.

0:24:37 > 0:24:39Can you smell burning?

0:24:41 > 0:24:43Hurry up. Hurry up!

0:24:43 > 0:24:45Get the...the thing! The thing!

0:24:45 > 0:24:46Hurry up! Hurry up!

0:24:46 > 0:24:48- Oh!- Oh!

0:24:48 > 0:24:50Oh, that one's definitely...

0:24:52 > 0:24:55I think we just about saved them. Well, most of them.

0:24:55 > 0:24:58Do they look like scones to you?

0:24:58 > 0:25:02I'm not sure. Hang on, hang on.

0:25:02 > 0:25:05I think we may have made rock cakes.

0:25:05 > 0:25:07Oh, what would I do without you?

0:25:07 > 0:25:11You're going to be fine. I'm not so sure about the scones.

0:25:11 > 0:25:13But you - you're going to be fine.

0:25:18 > 0:25:19What are you writing?

0:25:19 > 0:25:22That we have an issue with erotic transference.

0:25:23 > 0:25:26Megan, it's not erotic transference.

0:25:26 > 0:25:29Stick to what you know, Dr Vere.

0:25:29 > 0:25:31Formality. Interesting.

0:25:31 > 0:25:33Why?

0:25:33 > 0:25:36Because it's calculated to throw me off the scent.

0:25:36 > 0:25:38Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.

0:25:38 > 0:25:40You fancy me as much as I fancy you.

0:25:42 > 0:25:43In your dreams.

0:25:45 > 0:25:49When did you realise? Before or after you saw my dance moves?

0:25:49 > 0:25:51You have a really high opinion of yourself.

0:25:51 > 0:25:54Well, you encouraged me to be more confident, so...

0:25:54 > 0:25:56Yeah. But not delusional.

0:25:56 > 0:26:01Megan. I'm not the one wearing hastily applied lip gloss.

0:26:01 > 0:26:03Yeah, if you were, I'd be worried.

0:26:05 > 0:26:09Look, Sid, banter is one thing, but, um...

0:26:09 > 0:26:12Yeah. Actions speak louder than words.

0:26:15 > 0:26:17Say that again?

0:26:17 > 0:26:19You're very cautious, aren't you?

0:26:19 > 0:26:21You don't actually like taking risks.

0:26:23 > 0:26:26Define a risk.

0:26:26 > 0:26:30I rest my case. You shouldn't need to ask.

0:26:35 > 0:26:37Is that risky enough for you?

0:26:43 > 0:26:47Are you encouraging me or stopping me from going further?

0:26:48 > 0:26:49What do you think?

0:27:10 > 0:27:12You don't half sound like your mum.

0:27:12 > 0:27:13My mum?

0:27:13 > 0:27:15We've all read Alice in Wonderland.

0:27:15 > 0:27:17Yes, we have, so we know that nobody should mess around

0:27:17 > 0:27:18with hallucinogens.

0:27:18 > 0:27:21- Especially someone with your history.- Me?

0:27:21 > 0:27:23He's a drain and a slob and we're doing him

0:27:23 > 0:27:25no favours making life too easy.

0:27:25 > 0:27:29I don't want to start anything. Not with you and definitely not

0:27:29 > 0:27:31with her.