0:00:00 > 0:00:01- WELCOME TO HELL
0:00:02 > 0:00:04- You think you know the face, - don't you?
0:00:05 > 0:00:06- Jason.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- You think you've seen - my face before.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- Jason off Pobol Y Cwm. - People think Dews is Jason.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17- They get them mixed up. - He gets hassled in Carmarthen.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19- You don't like to talk about it.
0:00:19 > 0:00:20- You don't like to talk about it.- - No.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23- They don't get on, see. - They're twins.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25- When twins are born...
0:00:25 > 0:00:27- When twins are born...- - They know what twins are.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30- Huwi is my other brother.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31- We get on, don't we?
0:00:31 > 0:00:32- We get on, don't we?- - Yes.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34- We can't stand Pobol Y Cwm.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- We can't stand Pobol Y Cwm.- - I've been on camera before.
0:00:37 > 0:00:42- The last fifteen years - of my life are on film.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46- Every event, every development, - every idea.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49- It's all on tape.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52- He filmed it all on the camera. - Am I on that?
0:00:52 > 0:00:54- Stick to the script, please.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- Don't worry. We're still rolling.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- Huwi, you need to let - your brother speak, OK?
0:01:01 > 0:01:02- Let your own brother speak, Huwi!
0:01:02 > 0:01:05- Let your own brother speak, Huwi!- - We'll pick it up from the line...
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- UNINTELLIGIBLE - RENDITION OF THE LINE
0:01:10 > 0:01:10- What did she say?!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12- What did she say?!- - I'm speaking to you now.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- High defs?
0:01:14 > 0:01:18- I'm speaking to you now...
0:01:18 > 0:01:23- ..on wonderful widescreen - and stunning high definition.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26- But it wasn't always this beautiful.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- MOOS
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- Slate 1, Take 15
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- I'm speaking to you now...
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- ..on stunning high definition - and wonderful widescreen.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- But it wasn't always this beautiful.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- I'm Dewi, from Garn Fach.
0:01:48 > 0:01:52- This is my programme. - This is my story. This is my life.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- This is Dews's Diary.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57- Dews, not Jason on Pobol Y Cwm.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02- You didn't have to say that. Once - I finished speaking, that was it.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04- People get mixed up.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- You're not meant to speak. - Let your brother speak.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- We'll cut it out.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11- Are you sure?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- He can edit it out.
0:02:18 > 0:02:19- One more?
0:02:19 > 0:02:20- One more?- - OK.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- CHAPTER 1 - THE WEDDING, SEPTEMBER 2001
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- NANTGAREDIG, CARMARTHEN
0:02:40 > 0:02:44- Right, where are we? - It's not far to go.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48- Have you got the best man speech?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Have you got the best man speech?- - Yes, somewhere.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- Have you practised it? - Have you got the rings?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55- I think so.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59- We're fucking late now. - No-one will be there.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- I bet everyone will have cancelled.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- Mabli and Celt - have got fucking chickenpox.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- You couldn't fucking make it up.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- And behave, Huwi. - No fucking nonsense.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14- Eh?
0:03:14 > 0:03:15- Eh?- - Behave, I said.
0:03:15 > 0:03:18- You're the best man. - You're there to help me.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Don't worry, Dews. - I'm the man, Dews.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24- Jesus Christ.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Where the fuck did he get - his licence? In a bloody raffle?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31- I'm with you, Dews.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35- Hold on, Dews. Hold on!
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- There's shit down your back.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45- There's shit down your back.- - Get it off.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55- Fucking hell. Have you got a light?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- For fuck's sake.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00- Go and film the guests arriving!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- Go and film the guests arriving!- - Are you nervous, Dews?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- What the fuck do you think?
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- You'll be OK.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- Let me hug you.
0:04:10 > 0:04:15- Make sure you get a shot of the - limousine arriving. It cost enough.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Well, hello. How are you? - Do you know this man? Who is he?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- Jason off Pobol Y Cwm.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- Yeah, Jason off Pobol y Cwm.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Can we have a picture, please?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Of course you can have a picture.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- Thanks.
0:04:33 > 0:04:34- Cwtch.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Now then, snuggle up. Smile, Jason.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44- Lovely! And another one.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46- Smile.
0:04:47 > 0:04:52- Lovely! And another one. - Come along, Jason.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- Smile, Jason! Big day, big day!
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- Thank you.
0:05:01 > 0:05:02- Good luck.
0:05:02 > 0:05:03- Good luck.- - Thanks.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08- What's wrong?
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- What's wrong?- - Get a shot of the limousine!
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- Leave it with me.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- Where's the fucking limousine?
0:05:20 > 0:05:21- 2 MINUTES & 44 SECONDS EARLIER
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- 2 MINUTES & 44 SECONDS EARLIER- - Right, your f-stop on 11?
0:05:23 > 0:05:24- Check.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26- Shutter speed 50?
0:05:26 > 0:05:27- Shutter speed 50?- - Check.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- Is your NDs on?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30- Is your NDs on?- - Check.
0:05:30 > 0:05:31- Awesome, quality.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- We all know what we're doing. - We've done this twice before.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- It's a straightforward - wedding video.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39- Lilly, you do what you do best. - Just feel it, you know.
0:05:39 > 0:05:44- Whatever happens, just remember - everyone - tits and teeth.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- Keto, can you see the sound?
0:05:47 > 0:05:49- Keto! Keto!
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- Bloody hell, Keto mun.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- What's this? "May cause drowsiness.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- "Do not operate heavy machinery. - Take one capful."
0:06:02 > 0:06:03- Bloody hell, Keto.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04- Bloody hell, Keto.- - What's happened?
0:06:05 > 0:06:06- He's drunk a bottle of Nighteaze.
0:06:06 > 0:06:06- He's drunk a bottle of Nighteaze.- - But it's the day.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07- But it's the day.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- Keto my love, - we've talked about this.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Nighteaze doesn't help - your narcolepsy, does it?
0:06:13 > 0:06:14- Keto.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17- Keto.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- Keto. You're on boom.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23- Eyes open.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Open your eyes.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- Bloody hell.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Don't forget - we get most of our funding...
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- ..through being - a Welsh language production company.
0:06:36 > 0:06:36- So what do we do?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- So what do we do?- - Everything in Welsh!
0:06:39 > 0:06:40- Everything in Welsh.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- Everything in Welsh.- - Close enough.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46- Cockin' Christ, - that's Jason off Pobol Y Cwm.
0:06:50 > 0:06:51- Here's a light.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- I'm Lilly. - We're Parachute Productions.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- You're Jason off Pobol Y Cwm.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- You're doing the wedding video.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06- HALF AN HOUR LATE...
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- # HERE COMES THE BRIDE #
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- HUWI STARTS TO IMPROVISE
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- Do it right.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- # HERE COMES THE BRIDE #
0:07:46 > 0:07:48- Are you OK, love?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- You tripped over the cable!
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Dammed cable!
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- Um... OK, OK, it's fine, - everything's fine. Don't worry.
0:07:59 > 0:08:03- So, what do we want to do? - Do we want to go again from the top?
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- We'll pick it up from there. - Don't worry about the blood, love.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- Gwyndaf's a magician in Post. - No-one will be any the wiser.
0:08:12 > 0:08:17- Bride, bridesmaids, just remember, - tits and teeth, yeah? OK! Great.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21- Everyone ready.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- Lovely, and... turn over.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- And, action.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- # THE WORK OF DEATH # - Lubos Fiser
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- If any person can show just cause...
0:09:03 > 0:09:07- ..why they may not be - lawfully joined together...
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- ..let them speak now.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- Dewi Gwmryn Jams Cadwaladr Miriam...
0:09:15 > 0:09:16- Dewi Gwmryn Jams Cadwaladr Miriam...- - BRIDE GIGGLES
0:09:17 > 0:09:18- Meirion.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- Do you take Lowri Haf Jenkins - to be your wedded wife?
0:09:23 > 0:09:24- I do.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Lowri Haf Jenkins.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30- Do you take Dewi Gwmryn Jams - Cadwaladr Miriam.. sorry Meirion...
0:09:31 > 0:09:33- ..ap Hywel - to be your wedded husband?
0:09:33 > 0:09:34- I do.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- The rings, please.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- You may kiss the bride.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- Cut!
0:10:19 > 0:10:20- Dews!
0:10:21 > 0:10:23- Dews!
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- Dews, Dews, are you OK?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- Dews, get up. Come on! - It's a big day.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35- Get up, Dews. Up, up, boy.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- Come on Dews!
0:10:38 > 0:10:41- Damn. - I'd better call an ambulance.
0:10:41 > 0:10:41- .
0:10:45 > 0:10:45- Subtitles
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:10:50 > 0:10:54- And one last story. - I don't want to keep you long.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- The food is getting cold.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- When Dews was younger...
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- ..he was sexually curious, - as we all are.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- I remember trying to shag a hen - when I was five.
0:11:08 > 0:11:09- SOLITARY LAUGHTER
0:11:09 > 0:11:13- When Dews was bottle-feeding - a calf, he had the idea...
0:11:13 > 0:11:18- ..if the calf can suck the bottle, - what else would it suck?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19- SOLITARY LAUGHTER
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- As some of us know, calves - have teeth, and they do bite.
0:11:24 > 0:11:29- Dews went to A&E to have - half his cock stitched back on.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34- It's only through luck that we're - here today celebrating this wedding.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40- If the calf had swallowed, - Lowri wouldn't be sitting here now.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44- If there is one thing I know - about Lowri - she loves cock.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46- Well done, Huw.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51- Thanks. Please eat.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- Nice chicken.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- It's nice.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- Just saying, it's lovely food.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46- APPLAUSE
0:13:04 > 0:13:07- SOLITARY LAUGHTER
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- I'm glad you think it's funny, - Mr Evans.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50- Because Lowri, my wife, - isn't happy at all.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- Call me Wyn, please.
0:13:52 > 0:13:57- I'm sorry, but everyone who has - seen it thinks it's hilarious.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- It's a wedding video! Our big day.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03- It's not meant to be hilarious.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- It is. That's the beauty of it.
0:14:06 > 0:14:11- Wedding videos are always boring. - There's so much more to this.
0:14:11 > 0:14:16- It's like a hybrid genre - - weddingvideowrong.com, all in one.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18- I'm not charging you, either.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20- I'm not charging you, either.- - The thing is, Wyn...
0:14:21 > 0:14:23- ..Lowri wants her money back.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28- Listen. It was a bad day all round. - I lost two cameras on the shoot.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29- Yeah?
0:14:29 > 0:14:30- See?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34- Have you any idea - how much these cost?
0:14:34 > 0:14:38- I gave you 2,000 - to make a wedding video.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- That's a pile of shit.
0:14:41 > 0:14:46- The only thing I can do with that - is send it to You've Been Framed.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51- And guess what. That's exactly - what the little fucker did.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- 250 a pop, and I gave him the idea, - just now.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- See!
0:15:00 > 0:15:01- Little fucker.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Fair enough. - But I can't give you a refund.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10- But what I can do...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- ..is offer you something better.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- There you are. Keep it.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- That's worth more than 2,000.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- Good morning, Mrs Hywel.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Welcome to the first day - of the rest of your married life.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- How does it feel to be married - to such a handsome, kind man?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- Like cystitis. - Painful and fucking annoying.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- Have you spoken to the twat?
0:16:00 > 0:16:01- Yes.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03- Yes.- - And? Did you get the 2,000 back?
0:16:03 > 0:16:05- Better than that.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- Better than that.- - 2,500?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- A holiday in the Bahamas? - Argos vouchers? What?!
0:16:11 > 0:16:12- Da-ra!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14- A camcorder?
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- No, not a camcorder. - This is state of the art.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19- You can't put a price on this.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23- I'll make a film - about the rest of your life...
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- ..the children growing up.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27- Twenty years from now...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- A camcorder - won't feed and clothe the children!
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- I don't care - about 20 years from now.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37- At this rate, you'll be on your own.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38- Ooow.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- Ooow.- - Oh, fuck off!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- IN THE MEANTIME
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- # SPAGHETTI JUNGLE #
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- Hello.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Turn it down.
0:17:40 > 0:17:41- What's this shit?
0:17:42 > 0:17:43- The set list. What's this shit?
0:17:43 > 0:17:44- The set list. What's this shit?- - Speakers.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49- This isn't the Millennium Stadium. - It's supposed to be a tidy do, mun.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54- Britney Spears, The Vengaboys, - Abba... it sounds like a wedding.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- I told you, I don't do weddings. - I only play jenga.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00- # SPAGHETTI JUNGLE #
0:18:28 > 0:18:31- Am I out of bounds now?
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- Fucking hell!
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- Hey, Kato. Guess who I've just seen.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- It's already kicked off. - She's already bloody slapped him.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- Hang on, how is he by there?
0:18:51 > 0:18:52- I'm fucking happy.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- I'm fucking happy.- - You can't beat him up.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56- Too fucking right.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02- I'm seeing things, man. There's two - of them. There's two bloody Jasons.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06- Oi, knobhead.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- What the fuck is he doing here?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Dews, Dews!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- We're all having a good time.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15- Oi.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- I thought I told you.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- You're not fucking welcome here.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- No? That's odd, - Lowri just gave me a big welcome.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- What did you say?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Dews, Dews!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Disaster! Complete disaster!
0:20:10 > 0:20:14- The happiest day of my life, - and look what's happened.
0:20:15 > 0:20:20- I've married a fucking child, - and now his brother turns up...
0:20:20 > 0:20:24- ..with half of Pobol Y Cwm - to start a fight.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29- What the fuck is the rest of my life - going to be like?
0:20:29 > 0:20:30- Poor love.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- Have you got a light?
0:20:33 > 0:20:34- Bad timing.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36- Sorry.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- Fucking hell.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- Hang on, Dews.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- Mrs Hywel. I've been expecting you.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48- Don't fuck around with me.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52- Turn the camera off. You won't - want to film what I have to say.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57- As you see, I film everything that - goes on in this house. Security.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- Whatever. I don't care.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03- I watched - You've Been Framed last night.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04- And?
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- And?- - Do you want to see what I saw?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- I know what you're doing.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15- So on top of the 2,000 you owe me - for fucking the wedding video up...
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- ..how much do you owe me now, - Gwyndaf?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- Lowri, Lowri, Lowri. - Let me show you something.
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- I filmed a lot of interesting things - at the wedding.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- Take a seat.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- Now then, Lowri.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- How much do you owe me?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- S4C Subtitles by Gwead
0:23:40 > 0:23:40- .