0:00:24 > 0:00:28Hello, miss. Would you like to save 20 percent on your major bills?
0:00:29 > 0:00:32Hello, sir. Who is your energy provider?
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Hey, sir. Would you like to...? What's going on, Jay? You all right?
0:00:36 > 0:00:37Since when you started all this?
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Since about 15 minutes ago. Feels like 15 hours, though.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42But you've got to do what you've got to do.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44And this is the only thing going.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47- Well, good luck.- Oh, thanks. Thanks very much(!)
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Hey, Bianca!
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Listen, I can save you some money, you know. 20 percent.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Now, what you got to remember?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57This perverting the course of justice malarkey,
0:00:57 > 0:01:01it's not the same as the other thing, all right?
0:01:01 > 0:01:05- I know.- It's got nothing to do with it.- Where's my list?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07- What list? - The funeral list.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10What's it doing there?
0:01:10 > 0:01:12You know, you wouldn't have to be doing all this
0:01:12 > 0:01:14if you'd let Dot stay involved.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16What have I got to say to this psychiatric bloke?
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Tell him you're nuts. That'll always work.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Pretend to be, is what she's trying to say.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23- Right, and how do I go about that? - Act normal.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27- PHIL SIGHS - I'm trying to give him support here.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30And what happened to my support when you let the Social take George away?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33- We've been through all this. - D'you know where I'm going later?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Round Heather's to sort her stuff out. How will that make me feel?
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Why do you have to go round Heather's?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Sort out the funeral music.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Not George Michael?
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Not your funeral, sadly.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49All right then, what about Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52I've put you and Jay down for a reading. Is that all right, Ben?
0:01:55 > 0:01:59The best thing, as far as the shrink goes,
0:01:59 > 0:02:00is to talk about your mum and stuff.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03What?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05About her dying when she did.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07They'll lap that up, won't they?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13I can't say anything this morning, can I?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15You don't even have the right to MENTION her name!
0:02:15 > 0:02:17I don't think I did, did I?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Ian's told me about you and her. You can stuff your head doctor!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27HE SIGHS
0:02:27 > 0:02:31MUSIC: "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac
0:02:31 > 0:02:33What do you think?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Sorry?
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Thursday will be my third funeral in nine months.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Can I get away with this again?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43It's actually a bit of a squeeze.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Then again, it's only Heather.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48But I do feel so incredibly sexy.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49Huh?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51And what's a girl to do about that?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Do we have any bacon?
0:02:54 > 0:02:58Michael, this is important.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Yeah, I'm sure you'll sort it out.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02I'm going to get some bacon.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03SHE SIGHS
0:03:03 > 0:03:06There was me thinking you might be overwhelmed with desire.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I don't like the sound of the direct debit, though.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16But you like the sound of 20 percent off your lecky bill, though?
0:03:16 > 0:03:17- I don't know.- It's gas as well.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Is he hassling you?
0:03:19 > 0:03:21No, he's just told me I can get 20 percent off my electric.
0:03:21 > 0:03:2320 percent? You scam artist.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- It's not a scam!- Go on, jog on. - What are you talking about, bruv?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27- I said jog on!- Easy! Easy!
0:03:29 > 0:03:3220 percent? How d'you like the sound of 100 percent, hmm?
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Think of what you could do with all that extra cash.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Why can't I be Merlin?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Because I'm Sir Lancelot, and Sir Lancelot has to have a horse.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45MORGAN MOANS
0:03:45 > 0:03:46So...
0:03:46 > 0:03:49ride on, Dobbin!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- Woo!- Na-hey!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Hey, you all right?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57- What? What's the matter?- Nothing.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00What's the matter? What are you doing?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Who normally does these for you?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Jean does them at the end of the month.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- And you pay her for that? - ALFIE SIGHS
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- We spoke about it a few weeks ago. - She's living here rent-free!
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Yes, cos she's family.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14If Jean wants a job, she should get a job.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- HE SIGHS - I'm not sacking her.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Alfie, do the maths! Look, you're not running a charity here, OK?
0:04:20 > 0:04:22She's still sitting on all that scratch card money.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25She's not going to get thrown into poverty, is she?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Was just going to say the bathroom's free.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32MUSIC: "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge
0:04:43 > 0:04:45- TIFFANY:- Charge!
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Jean? Hold on a minute. Please come back...
0:04:47 > 0:04:49CRASHING
0:04:54 > 0:04:57What are you two doing here?
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Searching for the Holy Grail.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- Where's your dad?- Ow!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Is he now? Oh, IS he now? Right.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07DOOR SLAMS
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- Ray, since when have you been back at work?- Since today.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Are you feeding those kids again? - There's two tons of sausages
0:05:17 > 0:05:20nearly past their sell-by-date. What's the problem?
0:05:20 > 0:05:23- They're not your sausages!- Look, tomorrow they'll be in the bin.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Shall I tell you what I told Alfie? This is not a charity, OK?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- How will you work with one hand?- Jean's helping me.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- What?- If you're going to be like this...
0:05:30 > 0:05:31Ray, what you doing?
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Ray?! Ray! Come on!
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Ray, come back. Where you going?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Come here! Oi!
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Come on, grab your coats. We'll do this at your mum's house.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Ray, you can't just walk out! We're open in two hours.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- Ray, Ray, what are you doing? - I'm sorry mate, it's done.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- It's lunchtime, what are you doing?- Done, done!- Ray!
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- HE SIGHS - Brilliant. Well done, Rox(!)
0:05:59 > 0:06:04Jean, what did Roxy actually say, then?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Everything all right, Jean? - Yeah, were fine.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Apparently, I don't need a paid job
0:06:12 > 0:06:15because I'm sitting on all that scratch card money,
0:06:15 > 0:06:18which is actually for a rainy day.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20What scratch card money?
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Oh...
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I won £8,000 on a scratch card last November.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Yeah?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Really?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33And they say good things don't happen to nice people?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Tell you what.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41If I sort out Roxy and Alfie for you,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44will you do me a favour?
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Will you sort out Janine for me?
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I know, I know.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Have you ever heard of a prenuptial agreement?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Has Lola been in? Have you seen Lola?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07KNOCK ON DOOR
0:07:10 > 0:07:14I'm, uh... I'm sorry for what I said about your mum.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18It's time to go.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26We just need to hold it together for a few more days.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31Once the funeral's over, things will start to quieten down, and then...
0:07:31 > 0:07:32we can get on with our lives.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I've been thinking.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38Yeah?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40And I've made a decision.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Yeah?
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I'm going to confess.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51HE SIGHS
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Two dozen Luscious Lash mascaras,
0:07:58 > 0:08:00two dozen fruity lip glosses,
0:08:00 > 0:08:03two dozen full spectrum eye-shadows,
0:08:03 > 0:08:05two dozen make-up remover kits.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Cash on delivery, yeah?
0:08:07 > 0:08:09And how long will I take to get it?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Brilliant. Thanks! Cheers.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14What was that about?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Got a bit of spare cash, so I'm going into business.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18I've been thinking about it for ages.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Oh, yeah? What kind of business? - Door-to-door cosmetics.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- What's the windfall?- Derek's helping me, but you didn't hear me say that.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- You know, there is nothing worth eating in this freezer.- What?
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- Do you know what chicken nuggets are made out of?- Morgan loves them.
0:08:32 > 0:08:33HE LAUGHS
0:08:33 > 0:08:35What about mechanically recovered meat?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- Erm, I don't really care.- You don't care about the kids' health?
0:08:38 > 0:08:43We're talking 20 percent recovered chicken gloop, and 80 percent...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- La-la-la-la! - Right, you know what?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47I'm going to give you a cooking lesson.
0:08:47 > 0:08:52- What?- Wait there. Wait there. - I need some shopping.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Come on, Einstein. Where will we get a chef?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57I'm sorry, Alfie, OK? I'm sorry. But it was stealing.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- Technically, it was... - Let's work this out, OK?
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Four sausages. What's that? A quid, at the most.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04An entire lunchtime trade down the Swanee.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05200 quid.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06You work out the maths!
0:09:06 > 0:09:10As you said to me, what, 15 minutes...
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Hold on a minute. Hold on. Where are you going?- To beg.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15SHE SIGHS
0:09:15 > 0:09:16DOOR SLAMS
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Is this the best garlic you got, mate?- That's all I have.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Can I have a word, mate? - Too late, Alfie mate, I'm sorry.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I know Roxy was operating above her pay grade, all right?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28And you can give as many sausages to as many kids as you want.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Raymundo, come on, listen. Think about it, right, I need you.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- The Queen Vic needs you. - I've got other stuff on now, man.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I know what you're saying. To show there's no hard feeling,
0:09:37 > 0:09:40I am prepared to give you time and a half.
0:09:40 > 0:09:41You can't say fairer than that.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Where's your sense of loyalty? Sense of duty, eh? Come on!
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Last time I checked, Roxy cooks a mean beans on toast.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Forget about it.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Alfie! I bet you'd like to save 20 percent on your...
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Fats, later!
0:09:53 > 0:09:54..utility bills.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Eh, you're wearing the same colour as my company. You could save...
0:09:58 > 0:10:02Marriage is about love. It shouldn't have anything to do with money.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05It's a beautiful sentiment.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07But Janine's Janine.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Well, Cruella De Vil, surely.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Jean, light of my life.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Sausage queen extraordinaire. I need you, sweetheart.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Jean, come on!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Roxy was talking out of her backside, OK?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I'd sack her before I sacked you.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Please, come on.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26What's brought this on?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28If I'm being honest, takings are down.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29I'll tell you why takings are down.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Cos Sausage Surprise isn't on the menu.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Come on, walk back in triumph. Please, I'm begging you.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- What's happened to Ray? - Who's Ray? See what I did there?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Come on, I need you, Jean. Please, darling.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Alfie, there's something you've failed to realise.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- Sausage Surprise is my signature dish.- Yes, I know.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51I can't just magic it up!
0:10:51 > 0:10:54D'you know how long it takes to chop eight pounds of onions?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- I cook.- Really?
0:10:56 > 0:11:01Yeah, when the muse descends. What would it entail?
0:11:01 > 0:11:03- Chopping onions, mainly. - I can do that.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Oh, Michael... I love you, Michael. Here you go.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09£6 an hour, and all the Sausage Surprise you can eat, yeah?
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- I don't want money. It's a favour for you, Jean.- Really?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Yeah.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Well, I'm not going to cramp your style.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20You can't do that. It's got too much style to be cramped.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22HE LAUGHS
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Come on! Seize the moment, eh? Come on, darling. Chop chop! Get it?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29See what I did there? Chop chop? Follow me. Come on, let's go.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Sausage Surprise back on the menu, folks.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33(He always does this.)
0:11:43 > 0:11:44How are you feeling now?
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Will you stop asking me that?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I'm still a bit worried about what you're going to say
0:11:50 > 0:11:53when you get in there. Just remember, all this is about.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Perverting the course of justice. I know.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- Say whatever you want about Stella, just don't mention...- I know, Dad.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02However guilty you feel,
0:12:02 > 0:12:05you don't want to spend the next 15 years in the nick, believe me.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Maybe I deserve it.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09And you realise you'd drag Jay down with you, don't you?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Dad, I've said, so will you stop going on about it?
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Listen. When they ask you about why you dobbed me in it...
0:12:21 > 0:12:25..forget about your mother. Just blame me.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Seriously. We both know what I'm talking about.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Just say whatever you want.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Cos I don't want to lose you.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44And I...I love you...
0:12:47 > 0:12:48..son.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Ben?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Want to come through?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58What about me?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00The appointment is with Ben, by himself.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02I don't make the rules, I'm afraid.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06PHONE RINGS
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Phil, it's me. Look, I need to speak to you.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26So you call me as soon as you get this. Something's come up.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27KNOCK AT DOOR
0:13:27 > 0:13:30You wanted to see me, Ms Carter?
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- I wouldn't feed that to my dog. - You haven't got a dog, Derek.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Billy, say "woof woof" to the nice lady.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Roxy, you haven't seen Lola, have you?- What's the big deal?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- I take that as a no. - What do you need her for?
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I don't NEED her for anything.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49When she goes missing,
0:13:49 > 0:13:51I start to worry. That's what grandparents do.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54All right! Have you tried phoning her?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Bill!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Keep the fingers on your left hand bent. Prevents accidents.
0:14:01 > 0:14:05You can talk(!) Now I know why I don't like doing this.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09All right, some olive oil.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- How is that different to ordinary oil?- Because it's made of olives.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- I don't like olives.- Once it's cooked, you won't taste the olives.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16So why use them, then?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Olive oil's at the basis of all Italian cookery.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24So, it's five times the price, and in the end you can't even taste it?
0:14:24 > 0:14:25You said you wanted to learn.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28You said I OUGHT to learn because I'm a bad mother, apparently.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29I never said you were a bad mother.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31I just said the kids could have a better diet.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Ask Morgan what his favourite dinner is. He's in the front room.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36What are you waiting for?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Are we doing this, or not?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I couldn't afford all this, even if I wanted to make it.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43OK, now look, this is oregano. Smell.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Eugh.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47We add this to the oil while it's heating,
0:14:47 > 0:14:48so it absorbs the flavour.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Oh, the kids'll love that(!) Fried grass.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52SHE LAUGHS
0:14:52 > 0:14:53Plenty of crushed garlic.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55- Guess what.- What?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57You don't like garlic?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Have you been to France? I have. They stink of it.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03You can't make spaghetti Bolognese without garlic.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I'll tell you how to make spaghetti bolognese, shall I?
0:15:05 > 0:15:09Get it out the freezer, take the packaging off, give it a prong,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12stick it in the microwave for three minutes, and, "Ding," it's done.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Anything worth doing is worth taking time over.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16How long does your way take?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- I don't know. An hour, maybe. - An hour?! Are you mad?
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Nothing that takes longer to cook than to wash up is worth having.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- It's like lovemaking.- What?
0:15:24 > 0:15:28The longer it takes to cook, the bigger the explosion at the end.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29It ain't the way I remember it.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32I remember the packaging, little bit of fumbling about,
0:15:32 > 0:15:35but I don't remember no "ding."
0:15:35 > 0:15:41You acknowledge the accusations you made against your father were false?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45What was going through your head at the time?
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Ben, I'm not the police.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52I'm not working for the prosecution, or the defence.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54I'm answerable solely to the court.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Look, can't we just say I'm nuts, and leave it at that?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02It's not a question of whether you're "nuts," or not.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Isn't that exactly what it's a question of?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08We don't like calling people "nuts."
0:16:11 > 0:16:13So, what would you call it, then?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16What posh word have you got up your sleeve for it?
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Did you feel "nuts" at the time?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Is it nuts to want to get your own back?
0:16:27 > 0:16:29And why would you want to do that?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I don't want any tissues.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48I was just wondering if you'd seen her at all.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50When I got up this morning, she wasn't here.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53It's not like her to get up early when she don't have to.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55(You all right? I'm putting the kettle on. D'you want one?)
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Scrub that, Ab. Sorry to bother you.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59Where the hell have you been?
0:16:59 > 0:17:00What's the problem?
0:17:00 > 0:17:04What's the problem?! You don't answer your phone. No-one's seen you.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07You're six months pregnant, and you ask me what the problem is?!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09You can't keep your phone on in the scanning room.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Why d'you need a scan?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I didn't, but I woke this morning, and couldn't bear not knowing.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Not knowing what?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18- I went to the hospital. I told them I was spotting.- No!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20No, no, it's all right, I'm not.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23But with a bit of sweet talk, I managed to get an emergency scan.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25What?!
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- Don't you want to know the answer? - Answer to what?
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Whether it's a boy or girl.
0:17:30 > 0:17:31And?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34So, did you want tea or coffee?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Lola! Tell me!
0:17:38 > 0:17:40What would you like it to be? Hmm?
0:17:44 > 0:17:47OMG!
0:17:47 > 0:17:50Roxy told me, but I didn't know whether to believe it or not.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Check you out, my fiance, the skivvy.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- I've so got to get a picture.- No, you haven't!- Say, "Sausages."
0:17:56 > 0:18:00No, you haven't. We're busy. Seriously.
0:18:00 > 0:18:05OK, well, I'll see at home later. You're cooking.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18I read an article in a magazine once about those prenuptial thingies.
0:18:20 > 0:18:21Yeah?
0:18:21 > 0:18:26Apparently, if it's all about one person giving all the money
0:18:26 > 0:18:28to the other person, then it doesn't stand up in court.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32The judge just throws it out.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34Does he really?
0:18:36 > 0:18:37It's all hypothetical though, Jean.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Who gets married planning a divorce?
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Janine, apparently.
0:18:43 > 0:18:48See, Janine, she thinks money makes you happy.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52(But we know different.)
0:18:53 > 0:18:55Don't we?
0:18:59 > 0:19:02You'd spent a lot of time preparing this car, yes?
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- I wanted him to be proud of me. - But then?
0:19:07 > 0:19:10I stalled it. In front of everyone.
0:19:12 > 0:19:13And he just ripped the...
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Yeah, well, you know.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22And that's when you went to speak to DCI Marsden?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Yeah, it was like...
0:19:29 > 0:19:31..I don't know what you call it.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- The final straw?- Yeah.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38It would be fair to say
0:19:38 > 0:19:41you have a difficult relationship with your father?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47And yet, he's driven you here today.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49- Only so I'd keep my mouth shut. - About what?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Ben?
0:19:54 > 0:19:57He thinks I'm going to slag him off, that's all.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Is that what you want to do?
0:20:01 > 0:20:03Half the time, I hate him.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05And the other half?
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Is it hard to admit you might love him too?
0:20:14 > 0:20:17What about him? Does he care about you?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25Look, maybe it's me.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Maybe I'm just evil.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32I don't think for a moment you really believe that.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35You don't know the half of it.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45What are you writing down now?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50I think we'll leave it there for the time being.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Everything all right, mate?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00You'd be better off calling it "Sausage Nasty Surprise."
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Rox, it's a nightmare. How many of these have we sold?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05I don't know. Maybe six.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07What? Six all afternoon?
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- How many times must I say I'm sorry? - You know what you have to do?
0:21:10 > 0:21:12No, come on, I don't want to. Don't make me.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14You made him go. You bring him back. Yes, yes!
0:21:16 > 0:21:17All right, Billy?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Yeah, yeah. Give us a large one, and whatever you're having.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23What about your bird? What's the celebration, then?
0:21:23 > 0:21:27I'm going to be having a great-granddaughter. How great is that?
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Sounds double great to me. Good on you.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Celebrating?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Yeah, yeah. Just a bit.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35My granddaughter's going to be having a little girl.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38I got a picture of the scan there. Look.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41My word. So different from other pictures of babies in the womb(!)
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Nice teddy bear(!)
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Yeah, only the best for my little girl.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- Like the world needs another Mitchell(!)- Eh?
0:21:48 > 0:21:52- Be going to Heather Trott's funeral tomorrow?- Yeah, 'course I am.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56- Alfie mate, sorry, I've only got 50s. - Billy, can I have a word, mate?
0:21:56 > 0:21:58(Have you not heard of the word "discreet"?)
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Only 50s?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Someone's in the money.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07HE MOUTHS
0:22:07 > 0:22:08So this is the key, right?
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Stick it in the meter, and Bob's your uncle.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Give it a go. Go on.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14I never have to pay for electric again?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Obviously, you got to pay something,
0:22:16 > 0:22:20or they'll smell a rat. Stick your own key in, now and again.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22My mum'll do her nut if she finds out.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24So don't you tell her.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25That's it, put it in there.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Hello!- Here she comes, here she comes!!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31What are you two doing under there?
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- I've just found a spider. Want a look?- No, you're all right.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35- It's a lovely spider, look. - Get out, Derek!
0:22:35 > 0:22:37SHE LAUGHS
0:22:37 > 0:22:39- Get out, Derek! - I know you like spiders(!)
0:22:39 > 0:22:41- Derek!- See you later, girls! - Thank you, Uncle Derek.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Nicely done, kids.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Right, how are we getting on in here, then?
0:22:52 > 0:22:53I still prefer chicken nuggets.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55What about you, Tiff?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I prefer chicken nuggets, too.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Now I know how Jamie Oliver felt.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06See you later.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08DOOR BANGS
0:23:09 > 0:23:11How about we have toffee doughnuts for afters?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13BOTH: Yeah!
0:23:13 > 0:23:14About this morning...
0:23:14 > 0:23:20- Oh, yeah?- I'm sorry, OK? You caught me at a bad moment.- So?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23So...
0:23:23 > 0:23:26I'd be really grateful if you could see your way clear
0:23:26 > 0:23:29to coming back to work this afternoon.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Oh, come on, Ray, don't make me beg!
0:23:33 > 0:23:36- Actually, I'd quite like that. - SHE LAUGHS
0:23:37 > 0:23:40- Evil? What did you tell him that for?- To wind him up.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43You were supposed to make them think your nuts,
0:23:43 > 0:23:44not a flaming psycho.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Why don't you listen, eh?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Mr Mitchell?
0:23:52 > 0:23:53Sir.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Would you like to save 20 percent
0:23:56 > 0:23:57on your gas and electric bills?
0:24:00 > 0:24:03This is just wrong. I've had enough of this rubbish.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Get off me.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11- Where you been? Shirley's doing her nut.- What's the problem?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14- She's left you 15 messages. - My phone's switched off.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18She wants us over at Heather's. Like, now.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24DOOR SLAMS
0:24:24 > 0:24:26So the scullion returns!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Funny(!) Did you get a funeral frock?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31No. Didn't in the end, because the only thing that fit me
0:24:31 > 0:24:33was like a tent, and I've got no intention
0:24:33 > 0:24:37of being this size the next time somebody snuffs it.
0:24:37 > 0:24:40That's a shame. I quite fancy a tubby Janine.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Watch it!
0:24:42 > 0:24:44And don't you dare even think of inflicting
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Jean's "Sausage Surprise" on me. Bleugh....
0:24:47 > 0:24:50She just got herself into a flap, that's all.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Alfie roped me in. It's no biggie, it's all right.
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Really? Shame. Cos you two just look so sweet together(!)
0:24:56 > 0:24:59- You should be grateful to her. - Why should I be grateful to her?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Because she elucidated a few things for me.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Like what?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Like, if I'm marrying you, I'm marrying you because I love you.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08It's nothing to do with your money.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12And if you want me to sign one of these things, then I'll do it.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- Really?- Yeah, really.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Right, just face that way a minute.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23What are you doing?
0:25:23 > 0:25:26I told you. I like a fat bird.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32- The picture!- What picture?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35The Best Friends picture that I gave her on her hen night.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- What about it?- Well, I came round here to pick it up,
0:25:37 > 0:25:41cos I wanted to put it on top of the coffin tomorrow and it's not here.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Shirl, there's other pictures, ain't there?
0:25:43 > 0:25:46No, you're not getting it, Phil. It was a big heavy metal frame,
0:25:46 > 0:25:50and it's gone.
0:25:50 > 0:25:51So?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53So I called the police, and they come round straightaway.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55About a picture frame?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58You're not listening! It's what he would've used!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- Who will have done?- Andrew!
0:26:02 > 0:26:03To bash her brains in!
0:26:07 > 0:26:09We find that, and we've nailed him!
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd