0:00:24 > 0:00:26Normally I hate mice, but
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Monty was such a cute little thing, you know.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Can't have been much more than a baby.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Don't upset yourself.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36'And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes
0:00:36 > 0:00:40'and there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.'
0:00:40 > 0:00:45Now that is Revelations, Poppy, that is chapter twenty one, verse...
0:00:45 > 0:00:46four.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48TIMER RINGS
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Ooh, me cake!
0:00:50 > 0:00:54This is the vicar's favourite. I don't think she'll like it much.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Who won't?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Myra... Mandy... whatever her name is.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02His curate. Little Miss Look-down-your-nose.
0:01:02 > 0:01:07Thing is, Mrs Branning, I'm worried what I'm going to say to Bobby.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Perhaps we could have a little funeral. Huh?
0:01:09 > 0:01:13You know, the vicar might bestow a blessing. Bobby'll like that.
0:01:13 > 0:01:18The thing is, I've already thrown Monty in the dustbin.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Got any rubber gloves?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22When did you last have it, Jenna?
0:01:22 > 0:01:26I remember taking a call from a client in here about seven last night.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Well, let me phone your phone, yeah? What's the number?
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Thing is I always switch it off at night to work on my dissertation.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Oh!- I'm fully booked today but no phone means no more business,
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- which would be a complete pain, you know.- Yeah.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42- Well, if it shows up, I'll let you know.- Thanks Kim, you're a sweetie.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- S'all right.- I'll get that.- Thanks.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48Kimmie, don't worry about her phone, where's my breakfast?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Oh, about that - there's a slight problem with the bacon.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- Not again, man? - I can pop over to the shops.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- No. That's going to take ages. - Where you going?
0:01:56 > 0:02:00- I'm going to Baconland! All right? - Baconland?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- You all right, Abs?- Hiya. - Don't ask for bacon, babe.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Did you speak to your dad?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Yeah and...?
0:02:10 > 0:02:14- He wants to take it for a test drive!- You're joking?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16No, but it's got to be, like, now, cos he's busy later.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18- Does Dexter know?- Not yet. But I've got to go.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21- I'll be late for my chemistry exam.- Good luck.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Listen, I'll meet you in the cafe later, yeah?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Dexter's going to be well happy. Holiday here we come!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30SHARON'S MOBILE RINGS
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Janine, I'm having my breakfast.
0:02:32 > 0:02:37I just wondered if you'd seen Phil's latest bright idea for the club?
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Well, I've had a lot on my mind, sorry.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- It's nonsense. Trust me. - 'So?'
0:02:43 > 0:02:48So, I'm looking for allies. Impertinent question, I know...
0:02:48 > 0:02:51..but how are you two getting on these days?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Hi Poppy. Fatboy told me he left Monty here.
0:02:58 > 0:03:04Oh. Bobby. Um... I think you'd better come inside.
0:03:04 > 0:03:10- Dad says I've got to take him back...- Yeah.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18- It's not fair. - Oh, hello, Bobby.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Where's Monty?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26I have your qualified approval?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- Janine?- Oh, he's here. Speak soon.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- Phillip!- You're sitting in my chair.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35And you need some lessons in to how to be a gentleman!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37So, what's this all about?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41You're not serious about this, are you?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Does what it says on the tin. Blokes, booze and football.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46What's not to like?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Let me count the ways.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51You're allowed to cry, Bobby.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- It's not Monty I'm upset about. - No?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Won't get all me money back now, will I?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58He's his father's son, all right.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02Well, I don't suppose it was that expensive, eh?
0:04:02 > 0:04:03What are you doing?
0:04:03 > 0:04:07How about I give him some money... there you go.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- Yeah?- Three pounds?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12I paid twenty quid for it and they're thirty quid in the shops.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14And that's for a baby.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Thirty quid for a baby mouse?
0:04:16 > 0:04:21- The mouse was its food. - 'It'? What's 'it'?
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- Monty's a snake.- Oh, my Godfathers! - He won't have gone far.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28You mean it's here? In this house? A snake? In my house?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30And with the vicar due in less than half an hour?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33- Corn snake. Harmless. - I don't care what it's called!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Look, I'm not stopping here a minute longer.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Ooh, I shall have to cancel the vicar!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Oh, to think I changed me shift for this!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Let me know as soon as you've got rid of it.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- Oh, no, where are you going?- School. They go bonkers if you're late.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- No, you can't. No. - If it makes you any happier,
0:04:49 > 0:04:51they like to hide in warm, dark places.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54How is that supposed to make me happier?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58I know the bloke that runs it. Guest speaker, few filthy jokes,
0:04:58 > 0:05:02West Ham's greatest hits on the big screen - it's a money spinner.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05So we're targeting the 'beer-bellied blokes getting bladdered' market?
0:05:05 > 0:05:09- Are we?- Least I'm coming up with stuff!- Who said I wasn't?
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Look, we need to spread our net a little bit wider.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- We agree on that.- Go on.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18So, with that in mind, my counter proposal is...
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Monday night is gay night...
0:05:20 > 0:05:24- What...?- Tuesday - 'Lezbe friends'... Wednesday 'ManTran'.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26- Mantran? What's 'ManTran'? - Male transvestites, Philip.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Come on, get in the 21st century! Thursday night...
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- Nah, nah. Stop. Stop right there. - I haven't got to my Saturday yet!
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- This ain't happening. - You're so predictable.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37You need to shake off those caveman prejudices you've got.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- Not while I'm running this place. - Yeah, but you're not. Are you?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Well, not completely.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Right. Well, let's see what Sharon's got to say.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53I'm going to call a shareholders meeting. Don't move.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03SHARON'S MOBILE RINGS
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- Hi?- Reaction exactly as anticipated
0:06:06 > 0:06:09and he should be with you in about... two minutes?
0:06:09 > 0:06:12You're a very wicked lady.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Well?
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I don't know. There might be a mug somewhere who'd take it.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- I'll give you a monkey. - Five hundred quid? Are you nuts?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33That's really good business etiquette, that is, Jay.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Calling your client 'nuts'. Really going to seal the deal, ain't it?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38We spent more than that doing it up. Didn't we, Dex?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Sorry, can we have a minute please, Mr Branning?
0:06:41 > 0:06:43What you doing? You can't exactly call him nuts?
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- What about our holiday? - Least this way we cut our losses.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Are you going to tell Abi and Lola?... No.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Listen Max, we'll take a grand off you.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- But anything less is a joke really. - See you later.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Bruv, what are you doing? You give up too easy.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- Have you checked the website today? - Oh, it was a stupid idea anyway.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- You're just so negative all the time. - Guys! Guys! I need a brave man.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Like, now.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15- Psst! Is she in?- No. Why?
0:07:15 > 0:07:19- Good. We can have a little chat. - Michael!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24If Janine catches you in here, I'm dead. Would you please leave?
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- I won't be long - I'm not staying. - What're you doing?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Is that the picture?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Yeah.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39This is good. This is really good. Cos what this says is -
0:07:39 > 0:07:40she's vulnerable.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44So this is what I want you to do. You go to see her.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46You tell her you've seen me in the street.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48I look like a little boy lost. I look really pathetic.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51You feel really sorry for me. You're worried about me.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52You've never seen me so low.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54If only she'd give me a second chance,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57cos I'm so desperate to prove my love to her.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59That I still love her.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Any old cobblers'll do.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06And then you report back to me.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09All right?
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- All right?- Yeah.- Yeah!
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- Cheers!- Bruv! Hey!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22You got back from Birmingham.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25- Yeah, I caught the first train. - How's that nephew of mine?
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Ooh, ooh, who you looking for? As if I didn't know.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- Is she all right? - Who? Carol? How would I know?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- Something's not right. - Like what?
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Well, I keep phoning her mobile, it goes straight to voice mail.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40I leave a message, she doesn't return my call.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43So, why don't you go round there. What's stopping you? Ah!
0:08:43 > 0:08:47Faint heart and fair lady and all that. Eh?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51What happened to the legendary Masood charm
0:08:51 > 0:08:55and charisma? Huh? Huh?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57HE CHUCKLES
0:08:59 > 0:09:02He ain't there! He must be on his way.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04What am I going to do, Arthur? Here y'are.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- What kind of snake was it? - It was a snake! In my house!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Who cares what its name was?
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Mrs B, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13When you've got a vicar visiting,
0:09:13 > 0:09:16you do not want a viper in the vicinity.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Ta. Hold on Marie...- No, no, no, Mrs B, Mrs B - this one's on me.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Least I can do. - Yes, well, thank you very much,
0:09:22 > 0:09:26but it don't address the serpent under the sideboard.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Listen, you wait here, all right.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31I'm going to go get Kim to let you have your meeting over there.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32What? In the B&B?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34No, no, no! All right?
0:09:34 > 0:09:41In Walford's number one, premier conference venue! All right?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44So, I'll go and sort that, and then I'll go and sort the snake,
0:09:44 > 0:09:47then I'll sort the vicar, and I'll sort everything else.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50- You get yourself over there once you've finished your tea.- Tea!
0:09:50 > 0:09:54I've left the vicar's Victoria sponge on the kitchen table!
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Trust me. I've got you covered. OK.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08You've left your paper.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11- Oh, no, I'm done with that. You can have it. - Very kind, thank you.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20If that's what she wants, why not go the whole hog? Scrub the R&R. Call it the P&P.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Perverts' Paradise.
0:10:21 > 0:10:26- Only you're not allowed to use that word- any more. What? Paradise? Be more like hell, wouldn't it?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28You sure she's not just winding you up?
0:10:28 > 0:10:31This is Janine making her move. We've got to stop her.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33We? I thought I wasn't trusted.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37If we stick together, we can knock this on the head right now.
0:10:37 > 0:10:41Sharon, I didn't give you that share in the club so Janine could flush it down the khazi.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44Kimmie! Kim!
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Hi. Have you seen Kim?
0:10:45 > 0:10:47You all right?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Don't tell me - the cafe got no bacon as well?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52It's not that, all right. I need a favour. But not for me.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54For God!
0:10:59 > 0:11:00What colour is it?
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- Be snake-coloured, won't it? - So how big is it?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06It's called Monty, but we're not talking python!
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- What you scared of, then? - Who says I'm scared? I'm worried about leaving AJ on his own.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12No way are you leaving me with a snake on my own, bruv.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14SCREAMING
0:11:14 > 0:11:17So...I went to get some tea bags from the bottom of the cupboard.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19And it was there. By the biscuits.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22I feel sick.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- Don't look at me. - You're the one with the tongs. - You're the one with the sweat on.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- And you're not scared? - I ain't scared.- Well, go on then.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- Will one of you just man up! - What happened to girl power?!
0:11:33 > 0:11:35OK, well, here's some girl power. Do it!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- HE SIGHS - All right.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47He's so brave.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Jay?
0:12:08 > 0:12:11I can't. Sorry, I can't.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Your reverence, Sir...
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Message from her Royal Dottiness.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Her house is a no-go zone right now, that's on account of -
0:12:21 > 0:12:23that's on account of something - but the new sit-down is at the B&B.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25That cool?
0:12:25 > 0:12:27More than cool. Lead the way.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Arthur, isn't it?
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Yes, sir, yes, sir. You good?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Yeah.- Fats! Fats!
0:12:33 > 0:12:36Hey, baby, I'm with his holiness right now.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Sorry. It's an emergency. I need you now.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40I know what this is about.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41You'd better go.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46Yes, but one thing - this whole Church Warden thing is really important to Mrs B, all right.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51So don't go letting her down. All right? The Lord is watching, remember. All right.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53MASOOD ON ANSWERING MACHINE: ..so I am around now.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57Give us a call when you get this and maybe we can - I dunno - catch up.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Hope you're well. Speak soon.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Why haven't you phoned him back?
0:13:07 > 0:13:08You do like him, don't you?
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Yes. Yes, I do.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11And he obviously likes you.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13KNOCK ON DOOR
0:13:13 > 0:13:15I don't want to see anybody.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- It's him.- Oh, no!
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I think he's seen me. I've got to let him in.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28- No, just... Say I'm not here. - No, I'm not going to do that, Carol - that's not fair.
0:13:32 > 0:13:37- All right...- Uh, yeah. Is, um....? - Yeah. She's through here.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I can't believe it. What you scared of, man?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- Least I went in. He didn't even do that.- It's in the kitchen. Bottom of the cupboard. OK.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- Here, you're going to need these. - I don't need that. I don't anything, OK baby.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48All right. I can't believe you two, man.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52You're supposed to be dench, bruv, what's the matter with you? Terrible.
0:13:52 > 0:13:53There you are! Beautiful.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Oh, thank goodness.
0:13:57 > 0:14:03- Fats, the snake?- Yeah, baby. Say hello to Monty! Oh, my... Fake snake, fake snake.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06- What are you doing? Get it away! - It's just the skin, all right!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09- What's that supposed to mean? - Means Monty is still on the loose.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Can you hold that?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Don't do that, man! That's not even funny!
0:14:13 > 0:14:15I got to get this to the B&B, baby.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- No!- Baby, baby, I got to, it's Dot. It's Dot, baby.- Fats!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I'm worried about AJ - we've left him on his own.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- No, no, no, you can't go now, bruv. - I reckon I've done my bit. Sorry, Pops.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30- Do you know what, I need to get back to work as well.- No, no, no! You're not going anywhere!
0:14:33 > 0:14:37It's like they're a regular middle-class couple.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40"Please take your shoes off at the door.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43"Please put a coaster underneath that glass". It's funny.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Sorry - what is?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Syed and Christian.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Oh, right.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Is everything all right, Carol?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- Will you stop asking me that? - I wasn't aware I had.
0:15:07 > 0:15:12Have I, um... Have I done something wrong?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I'm just not feeling quite myself.
0:15:16 > 0:15:20Do you want me to go?
0:15:20 > 0:15:21I'm sorry. It's not you.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27OK.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36I'll be in touch.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45That was quick. What happened?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47I'm getting too old for this.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49I'm going to go upstairs and have a lie down.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Are you serious about these proposals?
0:15:58 > 0:16:02Generic nightclubs are stone age. We need a brand.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Something that sets us apart.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07And turning it into some sort of tacky sex club, that's going to do that, is it?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Who said anything about tacky? You not heard of the pink pound?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13We're not having this conversation. Let's just vote on it.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Well, now we know what you think. What about you, Sharon?
0:16:15 > 0:16:18You up for a little bit of metrosexual sophistication?
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Or do you want a never ending chorus of "here we go, here we go"?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Well, I think she's got a point.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31Very kind of you to put yourself out like this, Miss Fox.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Oh, I'm just giving back to the community, you know.
0:16:34 > 0:16:37It's always a privilege to help out Mrs Branning here,
0:16:37 > 0:16:42one of Walford's most respectable and, indeed, respected citizens.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Amen to that. - Amen, hallelujah.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- Well, if you need anything else, just ring the bell. - BELL PINGS
0:16:57 > 0:16:59What a charming woman.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Slice of sponge cake, vicar?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03You're spoiling me, Mrs Branning.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06May I tempt you, Miss Quinn?
0:17:06 > 0:17:10No, I'm fine, thanks. And it's "Ms", if that's all right with you.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Meuhz? How do you spell that?
0:17:13 > 0:17:16- M-S. - That ain't a word, that's initials.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I mean of course, there's Mrs, that's initials,
0:17:19 > 0:17:21but that stands for Mistress.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Eat up, Vicar. Do you want a fork?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29When I told you about this before, you was dead against it, weren't ya?
0:17:29 > 0:17:33I hadn't heard Janine's side of it. There's obviously a market for this sort of thing...
0:17:33 > 0:17:36If you can do your night, I can do mine.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Or do we just cancel both of them?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Unbelievable.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Don't think I don't know what you're doing.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And you, you've fallen for it, ain't you?
0:17:45 > 0:17:46I thought better of you.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54- Did you see his face! - You were never going to do this, were you?- No! For now.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58But I think we might have heard the last of "Gettin' 'Ammered".
0:18:02 > 0:18:03Busy?
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Only I hear you have a motor for sale.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09And I know a guy who just might be interested.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13If we're to push these changes through,
0:18:13 > 0:18:17we all need to be singing from the same hymn sheet, so to speak.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19But they ain't proper hymns, are they?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23Not since the organ give up the ghost. That's what we ought to be doing, Vicar -
0:18:23 > 0:18:25getting up a fund for the organ, so's we can have
0:18:25 > 0:18:30proper hymns, not all these twanging banjos and rattling tambourines.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Next thing you know, we'll be having a knees-up.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Mrs Branning, that isn't really what...
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Well, I liked it how it was. And I ain't the only one.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- Of course... - Yes, well, why all the changes then?
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I mean, the organ's gone, why get rid of the pulpit?
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Not literally.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Well, "Ms" here said
0:18:47 > 0:18:50"Sermons will be shared from the body of the church."
0:18:50 > 0:18:53But you don't share a sermon, I mean, the vicar, he gives a sermon.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57What Miranda is saying, and I've come to agree with her,
0:18:57 > 0:19:01is that pulpits, by their very nature, are hierarchical.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Hierar... Oh, you mean higher up the ladder?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08It's a concept that's outlived its usefulness.
0:19:08 > 0:19:13No it ain't. I mean, the vicar, he's higher up the ladder.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Because he is the teacher, he's like Jesus - you know, Jesus what
0:19:17 > 0:19:21taught the multitudes - that is Matthew, chapter five, verse one.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26So that is why a pulpit is higher up, so's we can look up to him.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Mrs Branning, while I respect your point of view,
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- we're actually here to discuss the role of church warden... - That's by the by.
0:19:33 > 0:19:37I mean, what we ought to be doing, Vicar, is reaching out to the young.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41I mean, them poor souls who's never heard the words of Jesus? Not like we did.
0:19:41 > 0:19:45We learned at school from scripture and prayers and Sunday school.
0:19:45 > 0:19:49I mean, people say, they say, "Oh let them choose when they're older".
0:19:49 > 0:19:53Well, how can they choose when they don't know nothing about it?
0:19:53 > 0:19:54It's barmy.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Are we OK for tea? - Quite OK, thank you.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00While I'm here, can I give you a few of these?
0:20:00 > 0:20:03You might want to pass it around your flock on Sunday.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07No quicker route to spiritual peace than a full body massage.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10And you'll notice there's a 20% discount for pensioners on a Thursday...
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Thank you. Very kind.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- You're welcome. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Oh, 'scuse me.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Are you all right, Miranda?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21I don't know. I think I might be sitting on something.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26If we switch it on, we might find out whose it is.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Oh - that's Jenna's. Thank you.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Yes, she was looking for that earlier.
0:20:31 > 0:20:35Only she's got a client in at the moment. I'll just leave that there.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37So are you sure there's nothing I can get you?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Quite sure, thank you.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Bless you.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44You were saying, Mrs Branning?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46Well, I think I'm wasting me time.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50I mean, all them poor souls swimming in a sea of iniquity
0:20:50 > 0:20:53and all you're worried about is getting "modern". "With it".
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Mrs Branning, please don't go. We're here to listen.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Let's hear some of your ideas. Please.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03But I don't thing I've got the right words, Vicar.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I mean, am I allowed, Ms, to say "Holy"?
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Am I allowed to say "Sanctified"? "Morality"?
0:21:10 > 0:21:14I mean, all you're thinking about is shifting the furniture.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20Oh, Alice! You are a lovely person.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26- I have had a WONDERFUL morning. - Really? - Yes, and I want to celebrate!
0:21:26 > 0:21:30How can I do that when we don't have alcohol? Ah, yes!
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Chocolate. How's the little one?
0:21:33 > 0:21:36Yeah, she's good. I've just put her down.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Come on. Let's have a girly catch-up.
0:21:38 > 0:21:43- Why are you so happy? - I'm always happy when I've triumphed. What have you been up to?
0:21:43 > 0:21:47Not a lot. Um... I did bump into Michael earlier, though...
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Oh, please. Stop right there. Don't even mention his name.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Don't ruin the moment. Have a chocolate.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Utterly delicious.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01That's mine.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Honestly Ab, if there was any way I could've sold that motor on,
0:22:04 > 0:22:08I would have made him a decent offer, but I'm running a business, not a charity.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Tell you what I'll do. If you get good results in your exams,
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I might even pay for that holiday myself.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- Yeah? Happy? Sorted. I'll see you later.- See ya.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23Have I done something? Has she met someone else?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- Have I turned into Godzilla? - Bruv...
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- What?- One thing you're forgetting. - What's that?
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- She's a woman. - Oh, that's it, is it?
0:22:30 > 0:22:33It's like werewolves. Once a month they go mad. Simples.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39All right? Saw your dad just now.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42He told you, didn't he?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46How did the exam go?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Fine.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50You're disappointed about the holiday?
0:22:54 > 0:22:55Don't be.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Cos I've only gone and sold the flamin' car, ain't I, eh!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03But what you're failing to acknowledge, Mrs Branning,
0:23:03 > 0:23:07is that the standards of morality evolve over time...
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Yes, for the worse.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11I mean, I take my morality from the Bible.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13In there, there's right and there's wrong.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15What you're saying is, "I know better than God."
0:23:15 > 0:23:19- Not at all.- Perhaps if Mrs Branning could tell us
0:23:19 > 0:23:22how she would exactly implement some of her ideas.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Well, for a start...
0:23:24 > 0:23:26there's this here. Look.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Prostitutes. Thousands of 'em.
0:23:29 > 0:23:33Openly advertising their wares in what was once a respectable newspaper.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35This is hardly new.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37They don't call it the oldest profession for nothing...
0:23:37 > 0:23:41That's men for you, and you a man of the cloth.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43We should be reaching out to these poor souls.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47Bringing them to Jesus. For hope and salvation.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51- All you're worried about is your pulpit. - Yes, but how to go about it...
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Well, they've got their phone numbers here.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56We could phone one of them? Give that here...
0:23:56 > 0:23:59I'm not entirely sure that's such a good idea.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Men talk, women do. Give it here.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Ta. Cheers.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05DIALS NUMBER
0:24:14 > 0:24:15PHONE RINGS IN ROOM
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Just thought you might like some sandwiches.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25PHONE STILL RINGING
0:24:35 > 0:24:40I did try. She just doesn't want your name mentioned in the house.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42But she was buzzing, you say?
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- Yeah, I've never seen her so hyper. - I have. These moods don't last.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48She'll soon revert to her grotesque self.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50- And that's when you try again. - Michael...
0:24:50 > 0:24:54No. No arguments. We're in a good place now.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58You get her to open up. See if she really likes me.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06As God is my witness, I had no idea...
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Let's not bring God into this.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Jenna! Get down here!
0:25:11 > 0:25:12There has to be an explanation.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14She told me she was a student.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17She was studying for a PF...E... or something like that.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20So when you say you offer a massage service, what you really mean is...
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- She's running a brothel. That's what she's saying.- No!
0:25:23 > 0:25:26I've never been so humiliated in my life.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- No, honestly. - I am not staying a minute longer.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34I shall pay you for the tea and the phone call...
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- But Mrs Branning... - No, I shall feel the taint.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39You wanted something?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Jenna, what are you wearing?
0:25:42 > 0:25:43OH!!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47It's that snake! Bobby's snake!
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Get rid of it! Get rid of it!
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Why won't you tell me who you sold the car to?
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Cos it's not important.
0:25:56 > 0:26:00Jay, you're a useless liar. What aren't you telling me?
0:26:00 > 0:26:03All right, but you must never, ever tell Dexter, all right?
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- What?- Promise me? - I guess.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10I sold the car to his dad.
0:26:13 > 0:26:14I thought he hated his dad.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17He does. Which is why you must never tell him.
0:26:17 > 0:26:21Thing is, his dad is selling it on to a mate. Which is why Dexter'll never know.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24- Jay!- Do you want to go on this holiday or not?
0:26:25 > 0:26:26I just hate lying.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29So pretend I never told you then, love.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36- All right? How's the snake hunting going?- I can't find it.
0:26:36 > 0:26:42Well, cheer up... cos I've only gone and sold the car, ain't I!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Punter came in, saw the ad and gave us cash.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- Wait, how much?- Only a grand. We're going on holiday!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Yes! Yes!