26/09/2013

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0:00:25 > 0:00:27You can borrow my lucky shirt if you want.

0:00:27 > 0:00:30I want to have fun with her, I don't want to blind her.

0:00:30 > 0:00:33All right. Which one would you choose? Definitely that one.

0:00:33 > 0:00:35This one? OK.

0:00:35 > 0:00:38Very funny. Don't blame me when your big date goes belly up.

0:00:38 > 0:00:44Well, it's not a big date, it's just we've got the place to ourselves for once. Ooh, way to go, bro!

0:00:44 > 0:00:46A4?

0:00:46 > 0:00:48A4 what? A4 paper.

0:00:48 > 0:00:50Oh. Just there.

0:00:50 > 0:00:55The vicar says if I do my report on A4, then he can photocopy it,

0:00:55 > 0:00:57and spread his sheets.

0:00:57 > 0:00:58What report thing?

0:00:58 > 0:01:00It's the parish council committee.

0:01:00 > 0:01:05They require a report on my financial progress as to my fund raising.

0:01:05 > 0:01:08And a bottle of sweet sherry, please.

0:01:08 > 0:01:10Pen.

0:01:10 > 0:01:11Black pen.

0:01:11 > 0:01:14Just there. Is this alcohol free? It is, yeah.

0:01:15 > 0:01:17Ta.

0:01:21 > 0:01:24Do you want a drink?

0:01:24 > 0:01:26No, I'm fine.

0:01:26 > 0:01:27OK.

0:01:29 > 0:01:31Cos there's juice.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35Or fizzy water?

0:01:35 > 0:01:38I'm good. Good.

0:01:38 > 0:01:43I don't know why you're being so cagey, it's not like it's your first date, you're a free man now.

0:01:43 > 0:01:45OK, can you just back off and let me do my own thing?

0:01:45 > 0:01:46Tam, back me up here. Possibly.

0:01:46 > 0:01:48He should be more honest with himself. Probably.

0:01:48 > 0:01:51Can we just stop the open debate, please? Preferably.

0:01:51 > 0:01:54I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying you're going to a lot of effort

0:01:54 > 0:01:59just for a "quiet night in". Are you sure that's all it is?

0:01:59 > 0:02:04Remember, bro - seize the day, no regrets.

0:02:05 > 0:02:06MASOOD SIGHS

0:02:12 > 0:02:15Dot, hold on a second. You left your shopping behind.

0:02:15 > 0:02:16Oh, mind like a sieve.

0:02:16 > 0:02:20Look, I can't do anything now but if you like I can come over tomorrow and help with that report.

0:02:20 > 0:02:24Oh, it's fine. It's nothing. I've told you before, if you need help, you have to ask for it.

0:02:24 > 0:02:26Tell those church people it's too much.

0:02:26 > 0:02:30Oh, no, it's not. It's just a question of adding up what's come in and what's gone out.

0:02:30 > 0:02:33I mean, even I can manage something like that. Thank you, Carol.

0:02:36 > 0:02:39We could go back to mine and finish what we started? I'm not sure I'm free...

0:02:39 > 0:02:41This is guaranteed to impress. If you're a cat on heat.

0:02:41 > 0:02:43Whoa, that is nasty, man! Who died?

0:02:43 > 0:02:46It was just an idea. It doesn't matter. I should go.

0:02:46 > 0:02:48Hey, so you two, you're with me and Pops tonight, right?

0:02:48 > 0:02:50I can't, I've got to babysit Kamil.

0:02:50 > 0:02:53No, Tam, you're fine. AJ, you're on duty.

0:02:53 > 0:02:55Whoa...?

0:02:55 > 0:02:58You're the only one not coupled up. We, we are all off out...

0:02:58 > 0:03:02See, I like your work, Mr Mas. See, bruv, all sorted, man.

0:03:02 > 0:03:04OK, so I'll see you later, then. If you want to.

0:03:04 > 0:03:07I'm being stitched up here. No-one said anything about baby-sitting.

0:03:07 > 0:03:09Like you said. Seize the day.

0:03:13 > 0:03:14Bye. Bye.

0:03:40 > 0:03:43Oh! Wow.

0:03:43 > 0:03:48You look... That's... I got these for you.

0:03:48 > 0:03:49Thank you.

0:03:49 > 0:03:52Something smells good. Yeah, it's lamb.

0:03:52 > 0:03:55Lovely. Slow-cooked.

0:03:55 > 0:03:56Best way.

0:03:57 > 0:04:00So the kids all upstairs, are they?

0:04:00 > 0:04:02No, they're all out. And Whit's under orders.

0:04:02 > 0:04:07Right! So, we are finally alone.

0:04:07 > 0:04:08Finally!

0:04:11 > 0:04:12Look at us.

0:04:12 > 0:04:15Mm, look at us!

0:04:17 > 0:04:20We, um, could skip dinner.

0:04:20 > 0:04:21We could...

0:04:21 > 0:04:24And go for the little naughty surprise I've got planned upstairs...

0:04:24 > 0:04:28What naughty surprise is that, then? If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?

0:04:28 > 0:04:30ALARM BEEPS

0:04:30 > 0:04:33Ooh, got to put the potatoes in.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35Yeah...good.

0:04:35 > 0:04:37Potatoes...

0:04:38 > 0:04:40HE SIGHS

0:04:57 > 0:05:01It's like he tightens up every time I touch him.

0:05:01 > 0:05:04But I thought you two were all sorted?

0:05:04 > 0:05:05Yeah, so did I!

0:05:06 > 0:05:09After the way he kissed me the other night,

0:05:09 > 0:05:12I thought we were going to, like... you know.

0:05:14 > 0:05:16It's like he's not even bothered.

0:05:16 > 0:05:20I dunno. Maybe he just needs a little bit more time.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22It's obvious he really likes you.

0:05:22 > 0:05:24Exactly - "likes" me like a friend, likes me.

0:05:24 > 0:05:25What, he said that?

0:05:27 > 0:05:31He doesn't need to, the way he is with me says it all.

0:05:33 > 0:05:37That's fine. We can just be friends. Really, it's fine.

0:05:39 > 0:05:41It's better than nothing, isn't it?

0:05:48 > 0:05:51Hi, Dot. Hello. Come in, darling.

0:05:51 > 0:05:54Ian said Denise was OK to have him but all of a sudden she's busy.

0:05:54 > 0:05:56Well, I'm busy too.

0:05:56 > 0:06:00Joey's called in sick. I've got two hen parties in there. I'm behind already.

0:06:00 > 0:06:04I need to go over there and sort out some cover. I'll only be a couple of hours.

0:06:04 > 0:06:07I didn't know who else to ask, Dot, so do you mind? Please? No, of course not.

0:06:07 > 0:06:09You're a diamond. I'd be stuffed without you.

0:06:09 > 0:06:13Now, he's had nothing to eat but he's fine with something simple, baked beans on toast.

0:06:13 > 0:06:16Oh, and no butter. Olive oil spread if you've got it.

0:06:16 > 0:06:18And here's his juice.

0:06:18 > 0:06:21No sugary drinks or he'll be bouncing off the ceilings all night.

0:06:21 > 0:06:22No butter, no sugary drinks.

0:06:22 > 0:06:25Now you be a good boy for Dot. Mummy'll see you later.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28Dot, shall I take a spare key, in case I get held up and I'm late?

0:06:28 > 0:06:31I can let myself in, save ringing the door bell.

0:06:31 > 0:06:34Oh, thanks again, you're a star. See you later.

0:06:36 > 0:06:38Let's hang your coat up, shall we?

0:06:38 > 0:06:4020 quid. Bruvver, it's never going to happen.

0:06:40 > 0:06:43We can't disappoint the ladies, can we?

0:06:43 > 0:06:45Tam... You know this is a bad idea. Me and kids, please.

0:06:47 > 0:06:50I'm pretty sure Alice wouldn't mind... No, no, no. No way.

0:06:50 > 0:06:51This is our night. OK?

0:06:51 > 0:06:55OK, well, look, I'm issuing a disclaimer - I am not responsible for anything that happens tonight.

0:06:55 > 0:06:58You've just got to feed him and put him to bed.

0:06:58 > 0:07:00Feed him? No-one said anything about feeding.

0:07:00 > 0:07:03And make sure you take him to the toilet before you put him to bed.

0:07:03 > 0:07:07What? And wash your hands afterwards, bruv, after you've wiped him clean and that.

0:07:07 > 0:07:08FATS LAUGHS

0:07:08 > 0:07:10Come on, bruv.

0:07:16 > 0:07:17TOY BEEPS

0:07:19 > 0:07:21TOY BEEPS

0:07:23 > 0:07:26Garlic olives? You're taking a bit of a risk, aren't you?

0:07:26 > 0:07:30If we're both eating them, then nope. Is that right?

0:07:31 > 0:07:37Mm! And now for the Minute Mart's finest alcohol-free.

0:07:37 > 0:07:40You don't have to not drink because of me.

0:07:40 > 0:07:43I know. I'm sure I can do without alcohol for one night.

0:07:43 > 0:07:45Enough.

0:07:46 > 0:07:48Mm.

0:07:51 > 0:07:54Ooh! Cheeky little number.

0:07:54 > 0:07:57The wine or me? Let's find out. Come here.

0:08:00 > 0:08:02You're right about the garlic.

0:08:02 > 0:08:05I didn't want to watch a PG! It's the only film that we could watch.

0:08:05 > 0:08:06What are you doing back?

0:08:06 > 0:08:10I'm so sorry, I did tell 'em we had to stay out but he kicked off and then he started sulking

0:08:10 > 0:08:13because we couldn't afford popcorn. You promised me.

0:08:13 > 0:08:14It's disgusting!

0:08:14 > 0:08:17I wasn't going to sit around and watch a poxy 3-D kid film, was I?

0:08:17 > 0:08:20You've just got the hump cos Cindy wouldn't go with ya. We had a deal!

0:08:20 > 0:08:22Sorry, blame sulky face.

0:08:22 > 0:08:23Oh, hilarious(!)

0:08:23 > 0:08:24You're pathetic, do you know that?

0:08:24 > 0:08:27CHILDREN ARGUE IN NEXT ROOM

0:08:33 > 0:08:37There she is, my gorgeous girl. Come here. Come here.

0:08:37 > 0:08:38Hello.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40THEY KISS NOISILY

0:08:40 > 0:08:44So drinks, yeah? Vodka coke, please. Good times.

0:08:46 > 0:08:47Hi. Hi.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50So you didn't get stuck looking after Kamil, then?

0:08:50 > 0:08:52Er, no...

0:08:52 > 0:08:56Right, we do not leave here until we get them fully sorted.

0:08:56 > 0:08:58Sorted?

0:08:58 > 0:08:59Sorted.

0:09:01 > 0:09:02Ohhhh, sorted!

0:09:02 > 0:09:03HE GIGGLES

0:09:03 > 0:09:04Here y'are.

0:09:06 > 0:09:08I hate cheese on toast.

0:09:08 > 0:09:11That's special Welsh cheese, it's what my Auntie Gwen used to give me

0:09:11 > 0:09:13when I was a little girl in Wales.

0:09:13 > 0:09:18Looks yuk. There's little children starving in Africa. So?

0:09:18 > 0:09:21So little boys should be grateful for what they're given.

0:09:21 > 0:09:23I hate cheese.

0:09:23 > 0:09:24Look, I'm sorry, Dennis,

0:09:24 > 0:09:28but I want to see that plate clean before you get down from the table.

0:09:34 > 0:09:37Yeah sulking, that's real big of you, Liam, ain't it? Oh, do one.

0:09:37 > 0:09:39Are you really this immature? Me?

0:09:39 > 0:09:43That is enough! Can you just all sit and watch a DVD or something?

0:09:43 > 0:09:46Give me the bleeper. I shotgunned it. Morgan.

0:09:46 > 0:09:49Sorry. Doesn't matter.

0:09:49 > 0:09:51This was supposed to be our night. I'm fine.

0:09:51 > 0:09:54You can go if you want. Why would I want to do that?

0:09:54 > 0:09:57Oh, I don't know, maybe the mood has gone.

0:09:59 > 0:10:01I'm not going anywhere.

0:10:01 > 0:10:04Nan, Tiff's watching Honey Boo Boo again!

0:10:05 > 0:10:09Let me just go and get them sorted. And then it'll be just us, I promise.

0:10:22 > 0:10:25So what're we doing again?

0:10:25 > 0:10:28So the person who blows the last card off the bottle has to drink.

0:10:29 > 0:10:33Cherry Zesta? Yes, baby. Zesta Fiesta!

0:10:33 > 0:10:37So, it's a drinking game, but I don't drink...so...

0:10:37 > 0:10:40Yeah, but it's not all about the drinking, you know,

0:10:40 > 0:10:45it depends what cards fall, like a jack and an ace means something different...

0:10:45 > 0:10:46It's all like, forfeits and stuff...

0:10:46 > 0:10:52Yeah, right, so whatever card lands face up, then that means different stuff.

0:10:52 > 0:10:53Like what?

0:10:53 > 0:10:56It means...different things. But tell you what, let's play.

0:10:56 > 0:10:59It'll be a laugh. OK. Who goes first?

0:10:59 > 0:11:01Well, A for Alice...

0:11:01 > 0:11:05Oh, yeah? I'll go then. OK.

0:11:10 > 0:11:11They're not moving.

0:11:11 > 0:11:13Blow harder, darling.

0:11:13 > 0:11:15Yeah, but not too hard, all right, you only want to move a couple.

0:11:19 > 0:11:21You've got to get under the...

0:11:21 > 0:11:24Oh... Oh...

0:11:24 > 0:11:27Whoa.... Come on!

0:11:27 > 0:11:28King! King!

0:11:28 > 0:11:32That means you've got to kiss the person to the left... Right!

0:11:32 > 0:11:35Right! To the right! Of course it does. It's just a kiss. No biggie.

0:11:35 > 0:11:37What evs. Just a little kiss.

0:11:43 > 0:11:48Oooh... So, come on, Pops, baby, your go. Get to blowing.

0:11:48 > 0:11:49FATS CACKLES

0:11:52 > 0:11:55I'm good at maths. Good.

0:11:55 > 0:11:57One five is five. Two fives are ten.

0:11:57 > 0:12:01Three fives are 15, four fives are 20, five fives are 25...

0:12:01 > 0:12:03Yes, you're very good but I need a bit of quiet.

0:12:03 > 0:12:06Six fives are 30, seven fives are 35, eight fives are 40,

0:12:06 > 0:12:09nine fives are 45, ten fives are 50... I can do it really fast, too.

0:12:09 > 0:12:11Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45!

0:12:11 > 0:12:15Look, you are a very clever boy but the vicar is waiting on my calculations.

0:12:18 > 0:12:20Mum says I should practise them.

0:12:23 > 0:12:26Mum said you weren't allowed to smoke around me.

0:12:30 > 0:12:35One six is six, two sixes are 12. Three sixes are 18...

0:12:38 > 0:12:41Fish fingers? Yeah. Well, you're lucky you're getting anything.

0:12:41 > 0:12:43What you having? Lamb. You're having lamb?

0:12:43 > 0:12:46Listen, go in and watch TV, I'll bring it in, just stay there.

0:12:46 > 0:12:50What kind of lamb is it? Oi. Get your beak out of it. Don't you dare make a fuss.

0:12:50 > 0:12:52I'm really sorry. Oh, don't be.

0:12:52 > 0:12:56We always get frozen food. Why can't we have lamb? Because we can't afford it.

0:12:56 > 0:12:58Oh, but you can afford it for him?

0:12:58 > 0:13:04Excuse me...? All right. All right. OK... Maybe we could eat together.

0:13:04 > 0:13:07No, we can't! If it makes things easier. Yeah, but it's our night!

0:13:07 > 0:13:13If - if we all eat together, then you all disappear,

0:13:13 > 0:13:16you go to your rooms, you text your friends, you update your thingys

0:13:16 > 0:13:19and watch iPlayer - then me and your nan, we get some free time.

0:13:19 > 0:13:23There's not enough food for all of us. I can help, we can make it enough.

0:13:27 > 0:13:28Do we have a deal?

0:13:30 > 0:13:32Ah! And you do the washing up

0:13:32 > 0:13:34and you make sure everyone knows the score.

0:13:34 > 0:13:37I hold you responsible. Right?

0:13:37 > 0:13:38Deal.

0:13:38 > 0:13:39Right.

0:13:42 > 0:13:44Now, let's have a look at this lamb, shall we?

0:13:51 > 0:13:55So, I've been through the fridge, we've got leftover daal...

0:13:57 > 0:14:00There's some sort of kebab thingy, it's Fatboy's.

0:14:02 > 0:14:06More beer, but oi, that's mine, that's a done deal. What am I doing?!

0:14:06 > 0:14:14So, we've got some sort of juice, squash-type thing. How do you take it? Glass? Bottle? Pint? What?

0:14:15 > 0:14:19You've got to give me something. This has got to be a two-way thing here.

0:14:19 > 0:14:25Yeah. Right, OK. What would Masood do? Funny voice?

0:14:25 > 0:14:28Hmm? Hmm? Does Kammy want his din-din now?

0:14:28 > 0:14:30No, that's Frank Spencer. OK.

0:14:33 > 0:14:37You know what? We can do this.

0:14:37 > 0:14:42It's just a boy's night in.

0:14:42 > 0:14:44It's just - yeah, I'd like to order a takeaway, please.

0:14:44 > 0:14:47That's it, girl!

0:14:47 > 0:14:48This is foul.

0:14:48 > 0:14:51Well, you shouldn't blow so hard, baby!

0:14:51 > 0:14:55All right! It's all about the lips, OK? It's about control.

0:14:56 > 0:14:59So, Tam, you ready to blow, bro?

0:14:59 > 0:15:02All about control. Control.

0:15:02 > 0:15:06It's Mr Tam, stepping up to blow...

0:15:06 > 0:15:08You going to be quiet and let me do this?

0:15:08 > 0:15:12He's going on like the big bad wolf, as he huffs and he puffs.

0:15:12 > 0:15:15And he huffs and he puffs. He huffs and he puffs...

0:15:15 > 0:15:19Not by the hairs on his chinny chin chin. There isn't any hair on my...

0:15:19 > 0:15:22Come on. Just blow. Really? I didn't know that.

0:15:22 > 0:15:25Come on, stop being such a wuss. Get on with it!

0:15:26 > 0:15:29Come on, Tam, come on...

0:15:29 > 0:15:31Oh... Oh..!

0:15:31 > 0:15:35Come on, Tam - whole pack!

0:15:35 > 0:15:36Epic fail.

0:15:36 > 0:15:38That is a big, big forfeit, right?

0:15:38 > 0:15:43That is full-on, full-on hug and snog. Oh!

0:15:43 > 0:15:47How are we supposed to know what the rules are when you just keep changing them?

0:15:47 > 0:15:49You trying to say we're making this up or something?

0:15:49 > 0:15:50Oh, I don't know, Fats.

0:15:50 > 0:15:52It's fine, we don't have to.

0:15:52 > 0:15:58No, no, no. No, no, no! OK, the rules are the rules.

0:15:58 > 0:16:03So let's just get it done, shall we?

0:16:03 > 0:16:04OK?

0:16:04 > 0:16:06OK, we've got 20 seconds and...go.

0:16:07 > 0:16:0919, 18, 17, 16...

0:16:09 > 0:16:12Come on man, stop with the time wasting... Red card! Come on!

0:16:12 > 0:16:17..15, 14, 13, 12, 11, ten,

0:16:17 > 0:16:21nine, eight, seven, six... Tam the man!

0:16:21 > 0:16:27Easy, baby! Five, four, three, two, one...

0:16:27 > 0:16:30Time! Time...?

0:16:33 > 0:16:37Or not. Baby, they're having a real good time. Oh, baby!

0:16:37 > 0:16:41Right. OK, clear, clear, that is the deal.

0:16:41 > 0:16:43Can I have seconds?

0:16:43 > 0:16:46Oh, darling, we haven't got any more. His first curry.

0:16:46 > 0:16:49Can we have some thank yous for Mas, please?

0:16:49 > 0:16:52Thank you. Thanks for sharing your lamb with us.

0:16:52 > 0:16:54Well, I'm glad you liked it.

0:16:54 > 0:17:00Lamb is my favourite meat. Is it? Yeah, because it's cute and yummy.

0:17:00 > 0:17:03OK, right, we want washing up, drying up and everything put away.

0:17:03 > 0:17:06Thanks again, Mas.

0:17:06 > 0:17:08The living room is out of bounds for the rest of the evening.

0:17:08 > 0:17:11Tell you what, I've got a better idea.

0:17:11 > 0:17:14Me and Liam'll go and watch a late night film. Not a PG, though.

0:17:14 > 0:17:17Well, make sure you put Tiff and Morgan to bed first, OK? Then do whatever you like.

0:17:17 > 0:17:21And I don't want to hear another peep out of any of you. OK?

0:17:21 > 0:17:23Pudding.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25Shotgun drying.

0:17:25 > 0:17:27PHONE RINGS

0:17:28 > 0:17:32Hello?

0:17:35 > 0:17:42No-one there? No. Probably one of those computer things.

0:17:42 > 0:17:46Mm. Could tonight have gone any worse?

0:17:46 > 0:17:47Oh, don't worry about it.

0:17:47 > 0:17:51They're kids. They cause chaos, be more worrying if they didn't.

0:17:51 > 0:17:57Hey, you know, maybe we could pick up where we were before they got back. And where was that exactly?

0:17:57 > 0:18:01I don't know... Maybe it was here?

0:18:01 > 0:18:05Mmm. Yeah, might have been. It could've been here?

0:18:05 > 0:18:08Yeah, could've been... Or here?

0:18:13 > 0:18:16Yeah. That was it. Thanks.

0:18:16 > 0:18:17For what?

0:18:17 > 0:18:18For being you.

0:18:28 > 0:18:30You stink of smoke.

0:18:30 > 0:18:31And you should learn to be polite.

0:18:31 > 0:18:34You're really old.

0:18:34 > 0:18:36Why don't you go and watch some television?

0:18:36 > 0:18:38How old are you?

0:18:38 > 0:18:42I'm as old as my hair and a bit older than my teeth. That's stupid.

0:18:42 > 0:18:45Little boys shouldn't be so rude. I'm not a little boy.

0:18:45 > 0:18:50Why don't you behave better? Why don't you behave like Jesus?

0:18:50 > 0:18:53I don't believe in Jesus... Or God. Oh, that's enough of that.

0:18:53 > 0:18:55DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

0:18:56 > 0:18:57Don't touch that.

0:18:57 > 0:19:00What do you think you're doing?! Look what you've done!

0:19:00 > 0:19:04You naughty, naughty boy! What do you think the vicar's going to say?!

0:19:08 > 0:19:10Ready? One, two, three.

0:19:12 > 0:19:13Ahhh!

0:19:15 > 0:19:17You going to have yours?

0:19:20 > 0:19:27It's nothing personal, it's not just you, it's all you...little people.

0:19:30 > 0:19:35My ex-wife... Your Auntie Aliyah. She wanted one like you.

0:19:35 > 0:19:37She really wanted kids.

0:19:39 > 0:19:42Then I got scared... I can't even take care of myself,

0:19:42 > 0:19:45let alone be responsible for someone else.

0:19:49 > 0:19:50Being a dad...

0:19:52 > 0:19:53I'd love it.

0:19:55 > 0:19:57I really would. I'd mess it up.

0:19:57 > 0:20:00HE SIGHS

0:20:00 > 0:20:04You know, that's what scares me about being a dad. Getting it wrong.

0:20:05 > 0:20:10This is top secret, between me and you... Yeah? You swear?

0:20:11 > 0:20:12Give me your little finger.

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Hmm?

0:20:14 > 0:20:17OK. You can call me Chacha...

0:20:17 > 0:20:19Chacha.

0:20:21 > 0:20:22If you let me explain, Sharon...

0:20:22 > 0:20:24I asked you to look after him, not abuse him.

0:20:24 > 0:20:27Look, he deliberately poured my sherry over my papers.

0:20:27 > 0:20:30You've been drinking? Oh, only the one.

0:20:30 > 0:20:32Did you pour that sherry on purpose, Denny? No.

0:20:32 > 0:20:34I'm afraid he ain't telling the truth, Sharon.

0:20:34 > 0:20:36So now my son's a liar? He's been playing me up all evening!

0:20:36 > 0:20:40Don't ever shout at him again. You keep away from him.

0:20:40 > 0:20:41Come on, baby.

0:20:46 > 0:20:48Right brother, big night.

0:20:49 > 0:20:51Don't wait up for me, OK?

0:20:51 > 0:20:54Babe, more than friends. 100%.

0:20:56 > 0:21:00Come on my little Poppidi-poppidi-pops, come on, girl.

0:21:00 > 0:21:02Squeeze me, squeeze me!

0:21:10 > 0:21:13Look, I should actually go as well, cos um,

0:21:13 > 0:21:16I've got to go and rescue AJ.

0:21:16 > 0:21:18You don't have to.

0:21:20 > 0:21:23We could get our own pack of cards, and carry on the game back at mine.

0:21:27 > 0:21:30It's, um, been a fun night, but...

0:21:30 > 0:21:32What's your problem?

0:21:35 > 0:21:36Alice...

0:21:36 > 0:21:37No, seriously.

0:21:38 > 0:21:40It's fine to kiss me during the game

0:21:40 > 0:21:41and then...

0:21:44 > 0:21:47We're just going round and round in circles.

0:21:47 > 0:21:50If you don't fancy me, can you just have the courage to tell me?

0:22:02 > 0:22:04Your surprise is ready.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06Oh, really? You think I'm going to be lured up there?

0:22:06 > 0:22:08Not bothered.

0:22:10 > 0:22:12Oh really...? Come here.

0:22:12 > 0:22:13SHE GIGGLES

0:22:13 > 0:22:15KNOCK AT DOOR

0:22:15 > 0:22:17Unless someone's lost a limb or the house is on fire,

0:22:17 > 0:22:20I do not want to know. What are you doing out of bed?

0:22:20 > 0:22:24I can't sleep. Well, just go back up and get snuggled in, it's past your bedtime.

0:22:24 > 0:22:26You know I'll come and check on you in a bit.

0:22:26 > 0:22:30I want Mas to read to me. Mas is a bit busy, darling.

0:22:30 > 0:22:34Please. Oh... Five minutes.

0:22:38 > 0:22:42Erm... Leave one of those for me.

0:22:46 > 0:22:49Alice... Please.

0:22:54 > 0:22:56Of course I like you.

0:22:56 > 0:22:59Then why do you close up every time we get a bit closer?

0:22:59 > 0:23:01What is it?

0:23:01 > 0:23:05You've been married, you're hardly a virgin, are you? No...

0:23:05 > 0:23:09Then what is it? Do you just want us to be friends? Is that it?

0:23:10 > 0:23:12Yeah, I want us to be friends.

0:23:12 > 0:23:14OK, fine, whatever.

0:23:14 > 0:23:18I want us to be friends but I want us to be more than friends as well.

0:23:18 > 0:23:21Well, you've got a funny way of showing it.

0:23:21 > 0:23:24Do you not find me attractive? I think you're beautiful.

0:23:24 > 0:23:25Then what is it?

0:23:27 > 0:23:28It's me...

0:23:30 > 0:23:31It's me.

0:23:33 > 0:23:37What if you don't like me like that?

0:23:37 > 0:23:39I just want to be with you, it'll be fine.

0:23:39 > 0:23:42So you're happy being in bed with some scarred freak.

0:23:42 > 0:23:46What? Is that what this is about?

0:23:46 > 0:23:48Do you honestly think I'd be worried about something like that?

0:23:48 > 0:23:51I worry, though, that's the point.

0:23:52 > 0:23:54I look disgusting, it's horrible.

0:23:54 > 0:23:57No, no, please, please don't say that.

0:23:59 > 0:24:02You're you, and you're so amazing.

0:24:05 > 0:24:06I want us to be together.

0:24:08 > 0:24:10I'm not judging you.

0:24:10 > 0:24:13Just like you're not judging me. Yeah, but you're perfect.

0:24:13 > 0:24:17You think so? You haven't seen my feet.

0:24:18 > 0:24:20SHE GIGGLES

0:24:22 > 0:24:27Tamwar, I want you exactly as you are. Every part of you.

0:24:37 > 0:24:39Five, four, three, two, one. Go.

0:24:39 > 0:24:43Go! Yeah. Yeah!

0:24:43 > 0:24:47Yeah! Cleaning up - done!

0:24:49 > 0:24:54Playtime! Come here, you. I've got you, haven't I?!

0:24:54 > 0:24:57What else do you want to play with? Just that one?

0:24:57 > 0:24:59I want to play with that one. This one?

0:24:59 > 0:25:03I want to play with this one! No!

0:25:03 > 0:25:06But it's mine!

0:25:06 > 0:25:07Innit?!

0:25:07 > 0:25:08THEY LAUGH

0:25:16 > 0:25:17It's OK.

0:26:02 > 0:26:04He settled down all right?

0:26:05 > 0:26:07Out like a light.

0:26:07 > 0:26:10The magic Mas touch saves the day again.

0:26:10 > 0:26:12Oh, I've got the magic touch, have I?

0:26:12 > 0:26:14THEY SIGH

0:26:16 > 0:26:19So. It's not quite how we planned it, is it?

0:26:19 > 0:26:21No. Still perfect, though.

0:26:21 > 0:26:23It's always perfect when I'm with you.

0:26:23 > 0:26:29No, really. I mean it. You and me. We're good together, aren't we?

0:26:29 > 0:26:31Yeah. We're not bad.

0:26:32 > 0:26:37I was expecting a romantic night but all this, the chaos...

0:26:37 > 0:26:39Noise... Doors slamming.

0:26:39 > 0:26:41All that. That's all part of it.

0:26:43 > 0:26:46Part of...why you're so beautiful.

0:26:49 > 0:26:51Why it's so right.

0:26:53 > 0:26:54Carol...

0:26:58 > 0:27:00I think I...

0:27:00 > 0:27:01DOORBELL RINGS

0:27:01 > 0:27:03What?

0:27:05 > 0:27:06I...

0:27:06 > 0:27:08DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN

0:27:08 > 0:27:11Oh! I'm so sorry.

0:27:14 > 0:27:16This better be important. Yeah.

0:27:25 > 0:27:26Carol.

0:27:29 > 0:27:32Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd