0:00:24 > 0:00:26BOTTLES CLINKING
0:00:30 > 0:00:32LAUGHTER DOWNSTAIRS
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- What is it?- Shh! (There's someone downstairs.)
0:00:39 > 0:00:41BOTTLES CLINKING
0:00:45 > 0:00:47No. D-d-d... Let's get Dad.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Oi! Police are on their way, yeah.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58LAUGHTER
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Oh...
0:01:00 > 0:01:01"Let's get Dad!"
0:01:01 > 0:01:06- Go on, Nance, protecting the family. - Someone's got to, ain't they?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08No, I like it. I like it. Good girl.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10Do you know what time it is?
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Shut up! Don't wake your mother up.
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Tell me you ain't spent all of it.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24What?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37(Are you awake?)
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Yeah.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Here you are.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46I got you a bit of breakfast.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48I don't need you to look after me, David.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49It's a boiled egg and a bit of toast.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Right, you need to make up with Terry.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55And I'm going to nip out and get Morgan some trainers before my shift.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I'm going to have a quick shower.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- I get it, Carol.- Oh, you do, do you?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- You're scared about next week. - Oh, you think I don't know that(?)
0:02:09 > 0:02:11PHONE RINGING
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Hello?
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Hello?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28CLEARS THROAT
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Those parrots are freaking me out.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- I knew you'd get it!- Ten grand!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53- I swear their eyes are following me. - It'll sort out the rising damp.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- Sharon won't know what's hit her! - Be able to get anything we need now.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58We won't need bouncers, that's for sure.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00I told you, didn't I? Told you your dad would get it.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02No, no, it was all Shirley.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Just like the whole dog pie thing? Oh, it was lamb, by the way.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09So we ain't been closed down, thanks for asking(!)
0:03:09 > 0:03:10You could thank her.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Mick likes his bacon crispy.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Oh, L, L, you're giving me a headache.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Your headache's got nothing to do with me.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17"Just a quick drink," you said.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- It was a quick drink. - Followed by another. And another.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- I think I'm going to be sick. - You want to think again, love.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- YOU were meant to be working. - It's all right. Just a burp.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Johnny had to cover for you.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- It really weren't a problem. - That ain't the point.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34If she's on the rota, she's on the rota.
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Oh, rota! Caff!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37You don't just get to decide when to turn up.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- You not eating? - I'm not hungry.- No offence,
0:03:40 > 0:03:42but is it YOUR name above the door?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45MUSIC ON RADIO: "Forever" by HAIM
0:03:52 > 0:03:53What?
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Right, time to go and watch a bit more of my soul die.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Come on, Tam. Wagwan, man? It can't be that bad?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03He thinks I don't know what I'm doing. I mean,
0:04:03 > 0:04:05I've been doing this for months -
0:04:05 > 0:04:07more months than it's healthy to hold a clipboard all day.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09Yesterday, he told me to go and make him
0:04:09 > 0:04:11a cup of tea with five sugars in it.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13And I checked my job description
0:04:13 > 0:04:16and nowhere does it say anything about hot beverages.
0:04:16 > 0:04:20It doesn't say on my ID badge, "Tamwar, fetcher of tea".
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I can't wait to leave.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- At least you've got a job, man.- Yep.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Do you reckon there's enough in the uni fund to tell him where to go?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Well, you know what I think?
0:04:29 > 0:04:34What I think is that to be a better employee you should turn up early.
0:04:34 > 0:04:38And then maybe you won't go on the tea run and he won't ask
0:04:38 > 0:04:41you for, like, bacon sandwich and chips as well, you know.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43So my advice would definitely be... be early.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Great. Thank you for your invaluable advice(!)
0:04:48 > 0:04:51I'll see you at lunchtime. I'll be the one without a soul.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58HE SIGHS
0:05:02 > 0:05:04LETTER DROPS THROUGH LETTER BOX
0:05:06 > 0:05:08KNOCKING AT DOOR
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Hiya. Don't tell me - Terry. "Big and bald," my sister said.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18The very one. And as you don't look like a Robbie, you must be Sonia.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Yeah. Is my mum in? It's my day off, I thought I'd surprise her.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23No, she's not, sorry. In fact I shouldn't be here myself.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I'm just picking dresses up for your sister.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- Is she at the caff?- No, she's popped out. You all right, Sonia?- David.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32- Are you still playing the trumpet? - Are you still playing the field?
0:05:32 > 0:05:33TERRY CHUCKLES
0:05:33 > 0:05:35My kids are going to love you.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Nice to see you're making friends.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Yeah, I like your daughter.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- He ain't my dad.- Oh, yeah, I knew that. What an idiot. Sorry.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43And before you say anything about me "being a father to her"...
0:05:43 > 0:05:46David, I'm sorry about what I said.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I kicked off at him a bit last week.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50He has that effect on people, I wouldn't worry.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Yeah, well, maybe I did cross the line a bit, Terry.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Ooh, is that you apologising, David(?)
0:05:55 > 0:05:58- Don't sound so surprised.- I'd better get these back to your sister,
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- otherwise she'll think I'm trying them on. Again.- All right.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Nice to meet you, Sonia.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- Yeah. Yeah, and you.- See ya later. Bye, David.- See ya.- Bye.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07He seems like a nice guy.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Ain't he just? I've got to get to work.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13- Where's Mum?- I don't know, Sonia. She woke up in a bad mood.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15She's off to buy trainers for Morgan,
0:06:15 > 0:06:16or bread rolls or something. I dunno.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19That is Mum's problem - she doesn't know when to stop. I've got
0:06:19 > 0:06:22a day off. I thought I could do a bit of cleaning or a bit of cooking.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24- What do you think? - Have you got the WHOLE day off?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Yesterday - I'm sorry.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37I'm sorry you had to do that.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40You already asked him. I was just the courier.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46What happened up there, Shirl, with you and him?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53What am I supposed to do if you won't tell me?
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Are you going to bottle up?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Go easy on her.- She missed a shift!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03- She got us the dough.- Yeah, which she's drunk half of already.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07You need to go and get the car.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11If you can remember where you left it.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15You know what would really cure my hangover?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17SHE CHUCKLES
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Pedigree dog woman. Says she can come this afternoon.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Hello? Yeah, this is Linda Carter.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26DOOR OPENING
0:07:32 > 0:07:33You got my message then?
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Morning.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46That Masood's new look, is it? Suits him.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Um, no, he's just ill today.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Throwing a sickie, is he?
0:07:50 > 0:07:51Uh...
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Me and Carol, we're living over there in that house, it's...
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Well it gets so busy, you know?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04DOOR OPENS
0:08:04 > 0:08:05All done?
0:08:05 > 0:08:06Yeah. Running like clockwork.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Ta. Thanks. Hang on a sec.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Ta. Sweet.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23It, er, yeah, gets really busy, Nikki, you know. It's quite hard.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Relationships. It's why I don't go in for them any more.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27No?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Free and easy. No strings.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34I need your help, Nikki.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42She don't mean half of it. She just gets carried away.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Why do you always defend her...
0:08:45 > 0:08:48..even when she wants you to be something that you're not?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50She won't even accept you for who you are. But still...
0:08:50 > 0:08:53still you defend her.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Yeah, she's my mum, ain't she?
0:08:55 > 0:08:58Yeah, but that's not what I'm saying.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Like I said, she just gets carried away.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04It don't matter what happens between us. She's my mum.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Finished your round already?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41PHONE RINGS
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Hello?
0:09:48 > 0:09:49Look, whoever you are,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51you can't just keep calling and then not saying anything...
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Oh... No, sorry, she's not in at the moment.
0:09:55 > 0:09:57Do you want me to take a message?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01They've changed patches. You know, swapped them.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I asked them to, so I could get some overtime.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- So everything's OK? - Yeah. Everything's fine.
0:10:10 > 0:10:14And all that stuff with the gambling and all that, it's all finished?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Yeah. Clean as a whistle.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Good. Good.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Excellent. Good. Yeah, nice.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28So... So, what is this?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32You know my dad was the same?
0:10:34 > 0:10:36You know, lie upon lie.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38- Yeah, all right. - I've seen this, Mr Mas.- OK.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- Then cut me some slack, will you? - Fix up then.- I am!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Cos you know what I've got to do if you don't.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46I said... I promised I would sort this out for Tam.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50- So, you've put his money back then, yeah?- I said I would, didn't I?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53That's why - the gambling and the overtime.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56OK, so there's more than just a few bits of paper
0:10:56 > 0:10:58and a handful of change in there?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01OK, all right.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03You know what?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08You have really got to trust me, you know?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10And why do I have to do that?
0:11:10 > 0:11:14Because I need you to. Like... Like your dad did,
0:11:14 > 0:11:16you know, when he was having it hard.
0:11:16 > 0:11:21I just need to feel that someone actually has a bit of faith in me.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Come on, Fatboy.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Please?
0:11:33 > 0:11:34(All right.)
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Nah, you're having a bubble?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47I read it in one of my magazines.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49You've got to stop boy dogs from doing their...
0:11:49 > 0:11:52When you've finished that, are you going to take the rubbish out?
0:11:52 > 0:11:55One shift, Linda. I missed one shift.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- She looks so cute! - You take her out then.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Wearing them?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00We can't breed her if she's already up the duff, can we?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03You're taking the mick.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Come on, Di. Good girl.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11I bet that ain't what you pictured when you fiddled the place off Phil.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13At least I ain't pulling pints in an 'airdresser's.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Sorry, just when you think you've seen everything.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Not that I've seen everything, or not really seen much.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Sheltered upbringing. Is that what people are doing now with dogs?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35No, it's my mum. She wants to breed her.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Well, I guess that'll get the boy dogs going.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39I just cannot remember where I left that haddock!
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I don't really like haddock. Or is it kippers?
0:12:41 > 0:12:45He's talking about his car.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- Oh.- What's this, a wind-up?
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- No, unfortunately. - Tel, are you having that?
0:12:50 > 0:12:52I've already told your dog about stealing my pants!
0:12:52 > 0:12:56It's Mum's idea. No unauthorised access.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Oh, better get you a pair then, hadn't I?
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Oh...
0:13:05 > 0:13:07TRAMP WHINES
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Abi!
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Lauren!
0:13:13 > 0:13:14TRAMP BARKS
0:13:14 > 0:13:17No. No. No way.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19You think I'm going to take you out for a walk?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21You must have gone mad.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23What, so I can stand there while you do your doggy business?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25No. Walkies' off.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26I'm sorry, I got held up.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Have you seen them samba drummers at Pride?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31That's my head.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34MUSIC IN CAFF: "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Are you all right, Mum?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Don't worry, I've seen David.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47TV ON IN BACKGROUND
0:14:09 > 0:14:10DOOR OPENING
0:14:16 > 0:14:17What are you doing?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Hair of the dog?
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Pedigree dog? Dog in a pie?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I'd rather have some chips.
0:14:40 > 0:14:41Chip-shop chips?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43I'll get my coat.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46That was my escape fund.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48That was going to get me out of here.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I know, I know, I know.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- And you just thought you'd steal it and replace it with that?- I know.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I thought you were my mate, yeah.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- "Bro".- I am, man. Come on.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02That's months and months of saving, Fats. It's gone!
0:15:02 > 0:15:05I've got to tell you something and you ain't going to like it,
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- but I've got to tell you. - Go on, then. Tell me.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Uh, has, er...
0:15:09 > 0:15:12- Yeah.- ..something...? - My uni fund's gone.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20I'm really disappointed in you.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25You come into our house as a guest...
0:15:25 > 0:15:26What?!
0:15:26 > 0:15:30You think I stole your money? Is that what you think, bruv?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- You think I stole your money? - What other explanation is there, eh?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36You know what, I didn't touch this money, all right?
0:15:36 > 0:15:39I did not steal this money, all right? I...
0:15:45 > 0:15:49You know, I, er... I borrowed it, OK?
0:15:50 > 0:15:55There was... There was cash-flow problems and, er, work and...
0:15:55 > 0:15:56OK then.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59- You didn't think you could just come and talk to me?- Yeah, you know what?
0:15:59 > 0:16:04Talking ain't that easy sometimes, eh?
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Yeah, I think you should probably move out.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- Well I don't think that's necessary, Tam.- No?- No.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19I mean, he's not really a thief, but...
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Taking without consent. I think you'll find that's theft.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25And he's a liar. And I don't want to live with a liar.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27No, you know what? You're right, bruv.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- No-one wants to live with a liar. - No.- No, no-one.
0:16:29 > 0:16:30Eh, Mr Mas?
0:16:38 > 0:16:39No? Was he stuck in there the entire flight?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Yeah, the whole time. There was nothing we could do.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44- How did he get out?- Hello, Carol.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- Wotcher.- You need to go.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- Carol?- David's asked me to... - No, no, no, just go.
0:16:54 > 0:16:55I'll see you later.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Yeah. Sorry, Nikki.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I was making her a cup of tea.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04I come back here, and find you with that woman in my house.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07You always think the worst of me, don't you?
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Well, doesn't take you long to get bored, does it?
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Oh, is that what this is? Me being bored?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Right, so what was she doing here? Was she buying another car?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I don't think I want to tell you now.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21What, like you didn't want to tell me about Sonia?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23You just can't keep interfering David!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26I wanted to surprise you, all right? Give you a break.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28What bit of "normal" do you not understand?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Or is it cos you don't do normal, cos you're the great David Wicks?
0:17:31 > 0:17:32I can't win with you, can I?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35This isn't about winning. This isn't about a competition.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I know it's not a competition!
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Look, seeing my dad yesterday, all right?
0:17:39 > 0:17:42Everybody running round after him with medicine, drink, food.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46Taking him to the toilet. I don't want to be like that.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50I've got cancer, David. Not you, not Bianca, not Sonia. But me.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54I don't want to be your precious little thing,
0:17:54 > 0:17:56all wrapped up in cotton wool.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Right, I want to do this myself. My way.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03And I'll be there for you, I will. When you want me
0:18:03 > 0:18:07and when you don't want me, I'll be there -
0:18:07 > 0:18:08standing by your side.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16So I guess you won't want these then?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21Nikki swung us some flights to Paris.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I packed your bag and everything.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28I found your passport. Don't think much of your photo but...
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Did you, um... Did you have a look at the date?
0:18:31 > 0:18:32The date?
0:18:32 > 0:18:34The expiry date.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- Sorry.- Oh, flippin' heck!
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Don't laugh.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46I'm sorry!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Sharon, I hear you're turning it into a bar.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Oh, word gets round!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Yeah. It'll be lovely as a bar.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Not a salon.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Yeah, well, life goes on, eh?
0:19:05 > 0:19:08I suppose you might need some new staff then?
0:19:08 > 0:19:12You know, maybe some young, well turned out, lovely nails...
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Not yet, Poppy. Sorry.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- Sharon?- Yeah?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Um, Dot's son, Nick.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23What about him?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Nothing. I just saw a photo of him, you know.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29It made me think. She never really talks about him, does she?
0:19:31 > 0:19:35Well, he, um... He had a problem with drugs.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38He'd do anything to get money out of her.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Broke her heart with his lies.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42She always took him back though. Catch you later.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Do you ever think about Zsa Zsa?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Where the dooby-doo's that come from?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Do you miss her?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55I have called her, you know. She does know we're here.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56She don't want to know.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Let's be honest. She hates my guts.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06Is this about Dad? Has he said something about me?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08It's not about Dad.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Has he said something about Mum?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Nothing that he hasn't said before.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Did he mention Aunt Babe?
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Why? What's she done?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20I don't know. But he was really funny about her.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Do you keep in touch with her?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28No, I ain't seen her in years.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- Shall we call her?- No.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34- Go see her?- No.- Come on, the family'd be back together again.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37She'll only talk about Mum.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40But that'd be nice.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44I said no, Tina. And I don't want any more surprises.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Is that what this is about then, yeah?
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- Are you worrying about Aunt Babe? - I was just asking.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Me and Zsa Zsa.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08I just got off my head and watched while she brought herself up.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15And wherever she is right now, I wish her well.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20But the past is the past, yeah.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25And this is my family, here.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28With Queen Linda ruling the roost?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Yeah, well, her and Mick have been together for years.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Then they had three kids. And now they've got us.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39When we was little uns, you was the mum.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42Then it was Aunt Babe. And now, we've got...
0:21:54 > 0:21:58Just so you know, I done that for Tam, all right?
0:21:58 > 0:22:01- I did not do that for you. - Yeah. Thank you.
0:22:01 > 0:22:02I know what it feels like, don't I,
0:22:02 > 0:22:05when you find out your dad ain't the man you think he is?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07And right now my boy has lost enough.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- Where are you going to go? - Like you care(!)
0:22:09 > 0:22:12What you need to do is you need to sort yourself out.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Talk to him. Tell him everything.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18He will understand.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29Empty house.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31We could go upstairs.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Go wee.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51HE CHUCKLES
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Oh, my days! You do not respect your dog's life.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57Well, you obviously don't recognise high fashion when you see it.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59High fashion? Not if your dog's walking around in thongs.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02If you think that's a thong, you ain't seen much girls' underwear.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I've seen plenty girls in their underwear.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06No, I mean in person, not pay-per-view online.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08How have you got your dog walking round in a nappy though?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Ain't that embarrassing?
0:23:10 > 0:23:11She is on heat.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Ain't you embarrassed, walking round with that face?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Why don't you put your dog in a bag like Paris Hilton does?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Why don't you just shut up?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Stand there much longer, she might think you're a tree.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Look, I'm going to go and get a coffee, yeah.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- And?- All right, suit yourself.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Come on.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29Two sugars, yeah?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Do you want some lunch?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55No, I should get back to work.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09HE SIGHS
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Serious things though. You want to be a soldier?
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Yeah. Got a problem with that?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44No. I mean, not if you're going to walk around like Lara Croft.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46Shut up, I mean a proper soldier.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I swear down, next time I'll actually knock you out.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- In your dreams. You're not knocking out no-one.- In your dreams though!
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- You never know. So, why don't you? - What, knock you out again?
0:24:54 > 0:24:56No. Become a soldier.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Same old, innit? Just met a boy.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03You know they've got these mad machines in the Army now though,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06innit? Like half boat, half car. Massive bazookas sticking out...
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Massive bazookas? Are you back on Lara Croft? That's a bit sexist.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10No!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Has that always been your thing then? Cars?
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Mm-hm. Cars, motorbikes, trucks.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19You are such a boy!
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Says soldier girl over there.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Thought I was Paris Hilton a minute ago?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26What?
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Nothing.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29What?
0:25:29 > 0:25:30Nothing.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34No!
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Yes, Tramp!
0:25:36 > 0:25:40No, don't call again. No! Never!
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Look, Nick, your mum does not want to see you, OK?
0:25:44 > 0:25:46HANG-UP TONE
0:25:48 > 0:25:49"Nick"?
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Lady Di!
0:25:53 > 0:25:54- Tramp!- It ain't funny.
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- You are punching above your weight, boy!- My mum is going to kill me!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00- How's she going to find out? - She wants her pedigree.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- Di likes it rough. - Can you get him off her, please?
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I'm trying! But I've never had to break up no doggie doggie before!
0:26:05 > 0:26:07I mean, come on... Nance?
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Nancy, what are you doing?
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Eh, stop it, man, it's not funny.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13TRAMP GROWLS
0:26:14 > 0:26:16We should have another karaoke!
0:26:16 > 0:26:19I'll put my sequins on, get everyone in to see the refurb.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Yes, Johnny, you could do your Girls Aloud.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Johnny, I'll do your shift at lunchtime. I owe you one.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- You don't have to.- Lunchtime don't count the same as an evening shift.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Then I'll work tonight as well.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31As long as you don't mind changing the rota?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33That... That seems fair.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Anyway, I've been thinking.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Last time you done some thinking,
0:26:37 > 0:26:39we nearly ended up selling dogs in pastry.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- Linda!- As I was saying,
0:26:41 > 0:26:42I've been thinking.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- Now you either give me my cash back...- YOUR cash?!
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Well I was the one that got it.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53As I was saying,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55you either give me my cash back
0:26:55 > 0:26:56or...
0:26:58 > 0:26:59..put my name above the door.