11/09/2014

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0:00:43 > 0:00:45Didn't I make it upstairs?

0:00:46 > 0:00:48I'll get you a coffee.

0:00:48 > 0:00:49You're an angel.

0:01:02 > 0:01:03Bang that down in one, girl.

0:01:06 > 0:01:07Morning! Oh!

0:01:09 > 0:01:10You're back, then.

0:01:10 > 0:01:11She certainly is.

0:01:12 > 0:01:14You two celebrating, were you?

0:01:14 > 0:01:16She got Brahms with Sharon last night.

0:01:16 > 0:01:18Sharon? That must have been a bundle of laughs(!)

0:01:18 > 0:01:20We just had a couple of drinks.

0:01:20 > 0:01:21A couple of bottles, each...

0:01:21 > 0:01:25Hiya! Where is he? Who?

0:01:25 > 0:01:27Birthday boy. Dad! Oh, yeah, it's today, ain't it.

0:01:27 > 0:01:29Yeah, where is he? He's still in his feather.

0:01:29 > 0:01:32Brilliant, gives us a chance to sort out what we're going to do. Oi!

0:01:32 > 0:01:33Sorry.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35Morning, love.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37I just thought, like, we could get all his old mates

0:01:37 > 0:01:41from Billingsgate and Canning Town and have a big party tonight. He never had any mates.

0:01:41 > 0:01:44I can't really do tonight, I've got this lager promotion thing.

0:01:44 > 0:01:45Did you get Sharon home all right? Yeah.

0:01:45 > 0:01:48Should have left her to stagger back by herself.

0:01:48 > 0:01:50Ah, did she take her friendship bracelet back?

0:01:50 > 0:01:53Oh, before you go, me and your mum are making a few changes round here.

0:01:53 > 0:01:58She wants her living room back, so you'll have to share with Shirley, I'm afraid. What?! Why?

0:01:58 > 0:02:01So your grandad can have your room. Why can't he have Johnny's room?

0:02:01 > 0:02:04Because Johnny and Lee are already sharing. Listen, it's not open for discussion.

0:02:04 > 0:02:08My name's above that door and all, you know. I'm entitled to me own room!

0:02:12 > 0:02:13You'd better not snore.

0:02:15 > 0:02:18Did you get Dad's present? It's in the passage.

0:02:18 > 0:02:20Why did you get him a present?

0:02:20 > 0:02:23He never got you any when you were kids. Cos he's our only dad

0:02:23 > 0:02:26and it might be his last one, for all we know. Here's hoping...

0:02:26 > 0:02:27Do you know what,

0:02:27 > 0:02:29I hope when you're old, your kids don't bother with you either!

0:02:29 > 0:02:32Hold up, hold up. Listen, we'll have a little party this afternoon.

0:02:32 > 0:02:36I don't want the gaff filled with fishmongers and geezers who look like they're brown bread.

0:02:36 > 0:02:41All right, so, Teen, you're on the decks, Shirl, you're... No, I've got plans. What plans?

0:02:41 > 0:02:43I have got a life, you know.

0:02:52 > 0:02:53Before you say anything...

0:02:53 > 0:02:56I don't need a lecture from the former alcoholic.

0:02:57 > 0:02:59Your coffee's there.

0:02:59 > 0:03:00Thanks.

0:03:02 > 0:03:04Babe... Come here.

0:03:11 > 0:03:12What would I do without you?

0:03:20 > 0:03:23Calm it with those balloons... Sh, he'll hear us.

0:03:23 > 0:03:28You sh. Right, we open the door and we all burst out with "happy birthday", all right?

0:03:28 > 0:03:31Hold up, hold up a minute, we don't want to frighten the life out of him.

0:03:31 > 0:03:34He'll be fine.

0:03:34 > 0:03:36ALL: Happy birthday!

0:03:36 > 0:03:38Oh...you remembered...

0:03:40 > 0:03:42That's from all of us, that is.

0:03:42 > 0:03:45What am I gonna do with a ruddy great thing like that?

0:03:45 > 0:03:47What are you talking about? It's a Billingsgate clock.

0:03:47 > 0:03:49Going to whack it up in the pub. Oh, I see.

0:03:49 > 0:03:52It's supposed to be for my birthday, but really it's for your boozer.

0:03:52 > 0:03:55I thought you'd like it, Dad. It's old.

0:03:55 > 0:03:59No, it's very nice. I'm touched.

0:03:59 > 0:04:00I don't go a lot on birthdays.

0:04:00 > 0:04:03Well, you best start going on birthdays.

0:04:03 > 0:04:05Cos we're throwing you a party!

0:04:05 > 0:04:08What? Oh, you don't want to make a fuss for an old man like me.

0:04:08 > 0:04:12We want to make a fuss of you. You're going to get spoilt. Oh, well, if you insist,

0:04:12 > 0:04:13better just go along with it...

0:04:15 > 0:04:16Happy birthday, Dad.

0:04:19 > 0:04:20Happy birthday, Grandad.

0:04:21 > 0:04:24You don't mind about this party, do you?

0:04:24 > 0:04:26No. No, it's fine.

0:04:26 > 0:04:28How's your nut?

0:04:28 > 0:04:29Getting there.

0:04:29 > 0:04:33So what was you and Sharon shouting about last night?

0:04:33 > 0:04:34Shouting?

0:04:34 > 0:04:37Yeah. You was going at each other like a couple of alley cats.

0:04:37 > 0:04:43Oh, God, that...that was nothing. That was wedding stuff.

0:04:47 > 0:04:50She wants doves released during the ceremony...

0:04:50 > 0:04:52Can you believe it?!

0:04:52 > 0:04:53Doves!

0:04:53 > 0:04:57She's no Cinderella and he's definitely no Prince Charming.

0:05:03 > 0:05:07Oh, Vicky and Spencer can't come. They send their love.

0:05:07 > 0:05:10Oh, and I had a row with Linda last night.

0:05:10 > 0:05:13You know, she can turn into a right shrew when she's had a few.

0:05:13 > 0:05:16I'll have to talk to her, put it right.

0:05:16 > 0:05:18I can't believe I drunk so much.

0:05:18 > 0:05:20I don't even remember getting home...

0:05:21 > 0:05:23Nancy walked me back..

0:05:24 > 0:05:27Oh, no... What?

0:05:27 > 0:05:29Nothing... Nothing, I was...

0:05:29 > 0:05:33I was just going to ask Linda to be my bridesmaid.

0:05:33 > 0:05:36And now it'll just be Roxy. Do you think one's enough?

0:05:36 > 0:05:37It's up to you.

0:05:38 > 0:05:40Don't I get a kiss goodbye?

0:05:40 > 0:05:42You've already had one this morning.

0:05:58 > 0:06:02Look, there's a blade of grass there you probably haven't sniffed yet. Yes...

0:06:05 > 0:06:07Phil! Morning!

0:06:09 > 0:06:10Phil!

0:06:13 > 0:06:17I had Tina on the phone first thing talking about a celebration for your dad.

0:06:17 > 0:06:21Got excited for a minute, thought he might be dead.

0:06:21 > 0:06:23It's nothing to do with me.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25I've made a trifle.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28With any luck he'll choke on it, if Lee doesn't nick it first!

0:06:39 > 0:06:41All right?

0:06:41 > 0:06:43No, I'm not all right!

0:06:43 > 0:06:45Shirley told me about you and Ben.

0:06:47 > 0:06:49I wanted to tell you... Then why didn't you?

0:06:49 > 0:06:51Because Ben made me promise not to!

0:06:51 > 0:06:53You lied to me, Jay - you lied to my face, didn't you?

0:06:53 > 0:06:56He's my mate. Yeah, and he's my son! Now, where is he?

0:06:56 > 0:06:59I don't know... Don't... Not today, Jay. Don't muck me about.

0:06:59 > 0:07:02Now tell me - where is he? I don't know!

0:07:02 > 0:07:05I haven't seen him since Easter and I've only ever met up with him twice!

0:07:05 > 0:07:08I swear that's the truth. Now, you should have come to me straightaway.

0:07:08 > 0:07:11After everything I've done for you.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13Now get out. Go on, get out!

0:07:13 > 0:07:15Cos I don't want to see your face again.

0:07:37 > 0:07:39KNOCKING ON DOOR

0:07:39 > 0:07:41Oh, Trace, see who that is.

0:07:43 > 0:07:46Oh, after you've taken them lot, be a love and nip to the shop.

0:07:46 > 0:07:48There's a list on the kitchen table.

0:07:48 > 0:07:51Why can't you go? Cos I'm busy.

0:07:51 > 0:07:52So am I.

0:07:54 > 0:07:58I ain't come for any trouble, I just want to see Stan...

0:07:59 > 0:08:02Sharon? Linda, look, about last night....

0:08:02 > 0:08:04Yeah, I don't want to talk about it.

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Nancy, could I have a quick word please?

0:08:06 > 0:08:09Here! Hang about... where do you think you're going?

0:08:09 > 0:08:11I said, I just want to see Stan.

0:08:11 > 0:08:16Yes, but... Listen, things ain't been the same between us since the trouble

0:08:16 > 0:08:21with my Rainie and your Mick. I just want to say I'm sorry, that's all.

0:08:21 > 0:08:25I think I might have said something I shouldn't have last night...

0:08:25 > 0:08:27Oh, what? About my mum kissing Dean, yeah?

0:08:27 > 0:08:29I want you to forget it...

0:08:29 > 0:08:32I can't. Nancy, she'll kill me if she finds out I've told you.

0:08:32 > 0:08:36I'm actually a little bit more worried about my mum cheating on my dad, Sharon!

0:08:36 > 0:08:38Look, please. Please don't say nothing.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44What did she want?

0:08:44 > 0:08:47Nothing. Something about doing shifts at the Albert.

0:08:47 > 0:08:48I told her I weren't bothered.

0:08:56 > 0:08:57Can I help you?

0:08:58 > 0:09:01I doubt it. You can't come up here...

0:09:01 > 0:09:03Oh, take no notice of her. Come and sit down.

0:09:05 > 0:09:09Oh, you're his friend, are you? Should have guessed.

0:09:09 > 0:09:11What's that supposed to mean?

0:09:11 > 0:09:15Should have known from the look of you. How do you mean, "the look of me"?

0:09:15 > 0:09:18I know your type - batting your eyelids

0:09:18 > 0:09:20and wiggling your backside to get what you want.

0:09:20 > 0:09:22Oi! Come back here!

0:09:22 > 0:09:25Oh, ignore her. I do. Who is she?

0:09:25 > 0:09:28Ex-wife's sister. She's a pain.

0:09:28 > 0:09:30What brings you up here?

0:09:30 > 0:09:34I've come to apologise. All that I said about Mick.

0:09:34 > 0:09:40I was wrong. So... Here's a peace offering.

0:09:41 > 0:09:43For your birthday.

0:09:44 > 0:09:45What have you got here?

0:09:45 > 0:09:49I was just passing Billingsgate.

0:09:49 > 0:09:52Don't you go thinking I went there special.

0:09:52 > 0:09:55It's a sea bass! You little corker.

0:09:55 > 0:09:57We'll put him in the fridge.

0:09:57 > 0:10:01Best birthday present you could have given me.

0:10:01 > 0:10:02Friends again?

0:10:03 > 0:10:05Yeah, friends again.

0:10:05 > 0:10:08Stick around - we're going to have a party later.

0:10:08 > 0:10:12I dunno, Stan, I'm not feeling my best.

0:10:12 > 0:10:14I've got an eye infection.

0:10:14 > 0:10:18Nonsense, you look gorgeous. Here...they bought me Big Ben.

0:10:19 > 0:10:22They're pushing the boat out, ain't they?

0:10:22 > 0:10:26Have you been hinting at a life insurance or a will?

0:10:26 > 0:10:27They value me.

0:10:30 > 0:10:31THEY LAUGH

0:10:34 > 0:10:36If I'd have known she was the one bad-mouthing Mick,

0:10:36 > 0:10:38I'd have chucked her out!

0:10:38 > 0:10:41Well, maybe having her around will make the old man more bearable.

0:10:41 > 0:10:44Why are you cutting them in triangles? It looks nice.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46Makes them too fiddly to eat.

0:10:46 > 0:10:49Just cut them in half, give people something to hold on to.

0:10:49 > 0:10:51And look at that...

0:10:51 > 0:10:53you call that pickle?

0:10:54 > 0:10:57Are we going to get some time alone before this party?

0:10:57 > 0:10:59Could you at least try and make a bit of effort?

0:10:59 > 0:11:01All right, Dean...

0:11:01 > 0:11:04Dean! Make yourself useful and make some space in the living room.

0:11:04 > 0:11:06You can take these chairs in.

0:11:06 > 0:11:09Charming - put me to work as soon as I get here! Oh, come on!

0:11:15 > 0:11:17All right, Nance?

0:11:25 > 0:11:27Oi, what's Dean doing here?

0:11:27 > 0:11:31He's allowed to be here - he's family.

0:11:31 > 0:11:34Wait a minute...

0:11:34 > 0:11:36What's with the attitude?

0:11:36 > 0:11:37I ain't got an attitude.

0:11:38 > 0:11:41What's the matter with her?

0:11:41 > 0:11:42I've no idea.

0:11:56 > 0:11:58Not now, Shirl. So is this it?

0:11:59 > 0:12:03Last night you couldn't get enough of me and today I'm the plague.

0:12:03 > 0:12:05I'm thinking about what needs to happen.

0:12:05 > 0:12:07Between us?

0:12:07 > 0:12:09With Sharon.

0:12:09 > 0:12:11You know what needs to happen. She stole from you.

0:12:11 > 0:12:13It's complicated. No, it's not, Phil.

0:12:13 > 0:12:15Yes, it is. Because I still love her!

0:12:18 > 0:12:20You don't know the meaning of the word.

0:12:20 > 0:12:22How much has she got from you?

0:12:22 > 0:12:24How much more is she going to fleece from you...

0:12:24 > 0:12:26and you sit there and you say that you love her!

0:12:26 > 0:12:29What was you expecting, Shirl, eh?

0:12:29 > 0:12:32You didn't seriously think we was going to get back together, did you?

0:12:32 > 0:12:35You was there, nothing else.

0:12:37 > 0:12:38Drop dead.

0:12:52 > 0:12:54Shift up, baby.

0:13:03 > 0:13:06I know you don't want to share with Shirley.

0:13:06 > 0:13:08It's just... there's no way around it.

0:13:08 > 0:13:11I just don't want the old boy sleeping on that camp bed.

0:13:11 > 0:13:14I'm not even that bothered about it.

0:13:14 > 0:13:16So what was all that about with your mother?

0:13:16 > 0:13:19Is it cos she went to stay with your nan?

0:13:21 > 0:13:24It's been tough for her, the last couple of weeks.

0:13:26 > 0:13:29Just try and give her a squeeze, yeah, you know?

0:13:29 > 0:13:31She's back now, so... It's not that.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33What is it, then?

0:13:39 > 0:13:44Sometimes I just wish it was how it was, with just the five of us.

0:13:44 > 0:13:48You feeling a bit, like, crowded?

0:13:48 > 0:13:50Something like that.

0:13:50 > 0:13:53Yeah, I know what you mean.

0:13:53 > 0:13:57Don't take it out on your mum, though, cos they're my family.

0:13:57 > 0:14:00She's had a lot to put up with, what with my dad and Shirley.

0:14:00 > 0:14:01And Dean.

0:14:01 > 0:14:06Dean? I thought you got on with him.

0:14:08 > 0:14:10You do, don't you?

0:14:10 > 0:14:12Yeah, guess so...

0:14:16 > 0:14:20Right, well, just take a breath,

0:14:20 > 0:14:23get your nut in gear and then

0:14:23 > 0:14:26come back upstairs and grin and bear it with the rest of us, please.

0:14:27 > 0:14:29Give us a kiss.

0:14:33 > 0:14:35Pop...

0:14:35 > 0:14:38when you're old, you can come and live with me.

0:14:40 > 0:14:42Ah...Nancy!

0:14:43 > 0:14:45You little melt.

0:14:53 > 0:14:56Ruddy fish, stinking everything out.

0:14:56 > 0:14:59I'm teaching my grandsons life skills.

0:15:00 > 0:15:05Right, so you get behind this fin here, cut through the head,

0:15:05 > 0:15:11like that, slip him round and do the same thing the other side.

0:15:15 > 0:15:22You have to sort of break the bone. That's it.

0:15:22 > 0:15:24Yeah, Grandad, that's very impressive.

0:15:25 > 0:15:27Then we turn it round this way.

0:15:27 > 0:15:32Cut through, down to the tail, to release the belly.

0:15:32 > 0:15:33Oh, that's rank.

0:15:33 > 0:15:36And then you can pull all the guts out like that.

0:15:36 > 0:15:39Johnny! Johnny! Johnny! Dean, get off!

0:15:44 > 0:15:48Next thing you want to do, is, using the backbone as a guide,

0:15:48 > 0:15:52cut through, right down, to make the fillet.

0:15:52 > 0:15:58And the same thing, the other way up. And there we are.

0:15:59 > 0:16:03Right, that's enough of this caper - let's get this party started, eh!

0:16:03 > 0:16:06Lee, Johnny...get the rest of the grub, take that next door. Thanks, Dean.

0:16:06 > 0:16:10Dean, couldn't do me a favour? Couldn't sort the music out?

0:16:10 > 0:16:12If Tina does it, we'll end up doing the conga.

0:16:12 > 0:16:15And we can't have that, now, can we? No.

0:16:19 > 0:16:21I just had a chat with Nancy.

0:16:21 > 0:16:24She's feeling a little bit overcrowded. Has Dean upset her?

0:16:24 > 0:16:27Dean? No, I don't think so.

0:16:27 > 0:16:30Well, let's just keep an eye on her, all right.

0:16:30 > 0:16:31We'll make the effort.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34You all right, Cora?

0:16:34 > 0:16:36Yeah. You keeping all right?

0:16:36 > 0:16:37Yeah, yeah.

0:16:37 > 0:16:39Don't keep him in here too long.

0:16:39 > 0:16:41There's plenty of grub wanting eating.

0:16:44 > 0:16:46You've got a good lad there.

0:16:46 > 0:16:47Yeah, the best.

0:16:49 > 0:16:51So what's the story with you two?

0:16:51 > 0:16:54Fooled you into thinking he's a human being, has he?

0:16:54 > 0:16:59I don't fool easily. What's your game?

0:16:59 > 0:17:03Maiden aunt who hangs around like a bad smell?

0:17:03 > 0:17:04That's about it.

0:17:04 > 0:17:07Only thing I could stomach about her was her trifle.

0:17:07 > 0:17:09Don't go thinking I made it for you.

0:17:09 > 0:17:12I know how much the family love it. My family, not yours.

0:17:12 > 0:17:15If it wasn't for Tina railroading everyone,

0:17:15 > 0:17:18they wouldn't be bothering with you.

0:17:18 > 0:17:20Still using that bowl, are you?

0:17:20 > 0:17:22It was my mother's.

0:17:23 > 0:17:27Heirloom, ain't it? Yeah, very nice.

0:17:29 > 0:17:30Oh, dear.

0:17:33 > 0:17:34(You'll pay for that!)

0:17:38 > 0:17:39Leave it!

0:18:01 > 0:18:02That was a bit harsh, wasn't it?

0:18:02 > 0:18:04Served her right.

0:18:04 > 0:18:08She should have kept a civil tongue in her head talking to you.

0:18:08 > 0:18:09I can fight my own battles.

0:18:10 > 0:18:12Shame about the trifle.

0:18:15 > 0:18:17You're a very lucky man, having your family round you.

0:18:19 > 0:18:21It's taken long enough.

0:18:21 > 0:18:25This could be my last birthday.

0:18:25 > 0:18:29Well, if it is, we'll raise a glass or two to you, at your wake.

0:18:33 > 0:18:36You can have one drink. Nah, my shift starts in three hours.

0:18:36 > 0:18:37But it's a party.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39I'm fine on orange juice, babe.

0:18:39 > 0:18:41Right, I'm not drinking, then, if you're not.

0:18:41 > 0:18:42Oh, no, don't be silly.

0:18:44 > 0:18:47Look, I really need to talk to you...

0:18:47 > 0:18:49What about?

0:18:49 > 0:18:52# Happy birthday to you... #

0:18:52 > 0:18:54Oh, you don't need to go to all that...

0:18:54 > 0:18:57# Happy birthday to you... #

0:18:57 > 0:18:59Where's Shirley?

0:18:59 > 0:19:02# Happy birthday, dear Stan

0:19:05 > 0:19:10# Happy birthday to you. #

0:19:10 > 0:19:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE FROM PUB

0:19:21 > 0:19:24Oh, I love this! Big old family parties.

0:19:25 > 0:19:28Shame Zsa Zsa ain't here.

0:19:28 > 0:19:32Well, let's see what happens with the next one, eh?

0:19:33 > 0:19:36I wanted to tell you when we were alone.

0:19:36 > 0:19:38But...

0:19:38 > 0:19:41I'm pregnant. Oh! Already?

0:19:41 > 0:19:43I did a test this morning.

0:19:43 > 0:19:45And I was going to wait for the right moment, but...

0:19:45 > 0:19:48Don't tell anyone yet, all right...

0:19:48 > 0:19:50Everyone...we're pregnant! Sorry!

0:19:50 > 0:19:53What? Congratulations!

0:19:56 > 0:19:57Oh, that's good news, ain't it?

0:19:57 > 0:19:59Shotgun Godmum!

0:20:10 > 0:20:11Well, what's happened?

0:20:11 > 0:20:14Where are you going? Ask Phil.

0:20:16 > 0:20:19You don't have to leave.

0:20:19 > 0:20:21I'm not staying here.

0:20:21 > 0:20:23Sharon, can you give us a minute, please?

0:20:28 > 0:20:32I'm sorry...all right? You don't have to go anywhere.

0:20:32 > 0:20:35Yes, I do. Jay, can you blame me, eh?

0:20:35 > 0:20:38Can you blame me for being angry? I'm going to Abi's.

0:20:39 > 0:20:44Look... I need to know where Ben is, so if you've got an address or anything...

0:20:44 > 0:20:47So that's why you're apologising? It's nothing to do with me, it's all Ben.

0:20:47 > 0:20:50No, it's both of you. But I need to know where he is, I need to know he's OK

0:20:50 > 0:20:53and I need to speak to him. Cos I think I can help him.

0:20:55 > 0:20:57I haven't got an address,

0:20:57 > 0:21:00but I've got a phone number.

0:21:00 > 0:21:03I won't tell him it's come from you. All right?

0:21:03 > 0:21:05I've forwarded it to you.

0:21:05 > 0:21:07Thanks. Whatever.

0:21:14 > 0:21:15Ben?

0:21:17 > 0:21:18It's Dad.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20Right, come on. Family photo.

0:21:20 > 0:21:22I want everyone in it who's a Carter!

0:21:22 > 0:21:25What about Tosh? Well, she can take it.

0:21:25 > 0:21:27Dad! My birthday, my rules!

0:21:29 > 0:21:31Come on, boy, get yourself round here, come on.

0:21:31 > 0:21:33Coming round...

0:21:35 > 0:21:38I'm guessing your daughter followed you onto the game.

0:21:38 > 0:21:40That the best you can do?

0:21:40 > 0:21:42I heard she was a druggie as well.

0:21:42 > 0:21:44Was that her way of coping with you as a mother?

0:21:44 > 0:21:47If you want to keep those teeth in your mouth,

0:21:47 > 0:21:49you'll shut up about my daughter.

0:21:49 > 0:21:52Don't get comfortable, love. I play the long game...

0:21:52 > 0:21:54and I always win.

0:21:54 > 0:21:57Dean...get closer to Linda.

0:21:57 > 0:22:00Oi-oi! All right, Shirl!

0:22:05 > 0:22:09In the picture! We're not taking no for an answer!

0:22:09 > 0:22:11Just take it! Get in!

0:22:12 > 0:22:15Right everyone... say tarts and vicars...

0:22:15 > 0:22:17Tarts and vicars!

0:22:29 > 0:22:31Shirl? Guess what?

0:22:31 > 0:22:32What?

0:22:32 > 0:22:35We're pregnant! Me and Tosh!

0:22:35 > 0:22:38If that's what you want. You could at least try and be happy.

0:22:38 > 0:22:40Just make sure the surname's Carter.

0:22:45 > 0:22:46Do you know what?

0:22:46 > 0:22:50Given time, I reckon you and him could sort things out.

0:22:50 > 0:22:51You think?

0:22:51 > 0:22:56Yeah, well, bet you never thought you'd be posing in a family photo with Dad, did you?

0:23:01 > 0:23:03Oh, what's that for?

0:23:03 > 0:23:04Cheaper than a card.

0:23:26 > 0:23:28You don't want to waste kisses on him.

0:23:30 > 0:23:31It was a one-off.

0:23:33 > 0:23:35He caught me in a sentimental mood.

0:23:36 > 0:23:39Seeing everyone together... takes me back.

0:23:41 > 0:23:45I know you think there weren't good times but I remember a few.

0:23:47 > 0:23:49When I was on leave from the navy.

0:23:49 > 0:23:51You, me and your mum having a giggle.

0:23:53 > 0:23:57No...I don't remember.

0:23:57 > 0:23:59He smashed my trifle bowl earlier.

0:24:00 > 0:24:03Just picked it up and dropped it...

0:24:03 > 0:24:06cos that's the kind of evil, nasty man he is.

0:24:06 > 0:24:10Well, I don't need to tell you that, do I?

0:24:10 > 0:24:12I don't want to get involved.

0:24:12 > 0:24:15No.

0:24:15 > 0:24:19Well, you've obviously got other things on your mind.

0:24:21 > 0:24:24That bald bloke, is it?

0:24:24 > 0:24:29I've never stopped caring about you, Shirl.

0:24:30 > 0:24:32I've made a fool of meself...

0:24:33 > 0:24:37I gave him what he wanted and now he's shutting me out.

0:24:37 > 0:24:40You letting him get away with it?

0:24:40 > 0:24:43He hurts you, you hurt him back ten times harder.

0:24:44 > 0:24:49You learn anything from your Aunt Babe, you learn that.

0:24:54 > 0:24:57AS MARILYN MONROE: # Happy Birthday to you...

0:24:57 > 0:25:01# Happy Birthday to you... #

0:25:01 > 0:25:02She's a dead ringer!

0:25:04 > 0:25:07This is worse than the torture simulator they had in the Army.

0:25:07 > 0:25:12# Happy Birthday, Mr Stan... # I'm never going to forget this... # Happy Birthday to you. #

0:25:13 > 0:25:18Bravo! Very good! I think I preferred it when we weren't talking to her.

0:25:18 > 0:25:20No, look at the old boy, look...she makes him happy.

0:25:20 > 0:25:24We don't have to start calling her Nan, do we? You don't think they've done it, do you?

0:25:24 > 0:25:27That was a beautiful little kissagram routine there, Cora...

0:25:27 > 0:25:30You enjoyed that didn't you? Hey? Right, I'd like to...

0:25:30 > 0:25:32I'd like to say a few words.

0:25:33 > 0:25:37Now, it's been a long time since we've all been together, like this.

0:25:37 > 0:25:40And I have to admit, I never thought it'd happen.

0:25:40 > 0:25:44I'm going to be straight with you, I never thought I'd want it to happen.

0:25:44 > 0:25:46But you know what? It has...

0:25:48 > 0:25:50..and it's lovely. Hear, hear!

0:25:50 > 0:25:53I want to congratulate my boy, my clever boy - look at him!

0:25:54 > 0:25:56Clever boy, passing his exams.

0:25:56 > 0:25:58Give him a little round of applause.

0:26:00 > 0:26:05Beautiful! I'd like to congratulate the girls, with their baby.

0:26:05 > 0:26:06Yeah! Yeah!

0:26:06 > 0:26:11So let's raise our glasses to that strange-looking geezer over there - look at him, look!

0:26:11 > 0:26:13Happy 80th!

0:26:14 > 0:26:16Could I just stop you there?

0:26:17 > 0:26:21I told everybody it was my 80th so that I'd get a bigger present.

0:26:22 > 0:26:29Actually, I'm 77. I knew it! I knew it! You cheeky old fart!

0:26:41 > 0:26:43Hey. I've got you a little something.

0:26:45 > 0:26:48I know we've been on a bit of a bumpy ride but I wanted

0:26:48 > 0:26:51to get you something for the wedding.

0:26:51 > 0:26:53Well, it's just a gesture really...

0:26:53 > 0:26:55to show you I love you.

0:27:02 > 0:27:04Because I do love you, Phil.

0:27:26 > 0:27:28It's a bit crowded in there, isn't it?

0:27:28 > 0:27:31Well, everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, though.

0:27:31 > 0:27:34Are you?

0:27:34 > 0:27:37Oh, Dean, there's no need to clean up.

0:27:37 > 0:27:40You really don't need to pretend on my account.

0:27:40 > 0:27:41I know all about you two.

0:27:41 > 0:27:44What are you talking about? There's nothing to know...

0:27:44 > 0:27:46Sharon told me about the kiss and I've been watching you.

0:27:46 > 0:27:48You clearly can't keep your eyes off each other!

0:27:48 > 0:27:52That's ridiculous! Look, it's not what you think...

0:27:52 > 0:27:54You need to forget about this. If your dad finds out, he'll...

0:27:54 > 0:27:56He will kill both of yous, yes.

0:27:56 > 0:27:59Look, I've dealt with it, OK. It was nothing.

0:28:01 > 0:28:04Your dad really doesn't need to know.

0:28:04 > 0:28:05Please, Nancy.

0:28:23 > 0:28:24You do like them, don't you?

0:28:31 > 0:28:34I can't wait to marry you.

0:29:24 > 0:29:27Hello, I'm Riz Lateef with your 90-second update.

0:29:27 > 0:29:29Oscar Pistorius has been cleared of murder.

0:29:29 > 0:29:32The athlete sobbed when the judge said prosecutors had

0:29:32 > 0:29:35failed to prove he meant to kill girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp.

0:29:35 > 0:29:38But the judge decided he used excessive force and will rule