0:00:25 > 0:00:26BABY CRIES
0:00:26 > 0:00:28OK, OK, calm down. Daddy's here.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Come on, little man, come up here with me.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Gotcha. There you go. That's all right.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Daddy's here. There we go.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43Oi, oi, oi, don't look at me like that - he's your brother.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45All right, come on then. Ready? Open wide...
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Good. There you go, there you go, that's good.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Don't you worry about a thing, kids.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Daddy'll sort it all out, eh... there we go.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04TEXT MESSAGE
0:01:28 > 0:01:31Oi, what're you doing? The kids have to eat off that table.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Will you tell her I ain't going door-to-door in my lunch?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36It's hardly door-to-door, is it? It's one door, Blades.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39I've had the OK from Aleks and I'm on Kat's stall,
0:01:39 > 0:01:40so it's down to you, girl.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43This stuff looks toxic.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46It's not toxic - it's Romanian.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Besides, it's all about presentation.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Nan? You ain't pimping me out for a bit of knocked-off hairspray
0:01:51 > 0:01:53and wet-look gel.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54Listen, Alfie's a trier
0:01:54 > 0:01:58but if we don't all dig in, we'll be out on our ear hole next week.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59He is struggling.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01He won't admit it but he does need us, Stace.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03Hey! What've we got here then, eh?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Let's see if my luck's any better.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Yeah, good luck.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08It's just a bit of hair gear, that's all.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Tell you what - bag us up a load of this. All right?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Cos there's a lot of ladies on that market with split ends.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16And if we cannot sell hair lacquer on an East London market,
0:02:16 > 0:02:17where can we, eh?
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Right. Come on, give us a bag.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26- Here. You can have mine if you want. - Nah, nah, nah, you get rid of that.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29But I thought Denny was your page boy?
0:02:29 > 0:02:34Yeah, he is. But I also want Amy and Janet and Lexi.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36I can't be doing without me flower girls, can I?
0:02:36 > 0:02:37No, of course not.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I'm just so lucky I managed to sort my dress out,
0:02:39 > 0:02:42although there's still so much to do.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45And has Linda seen your dress? Or was that after you two kissed and made up
0:02:45 > 0:02:47and I was demoted back to admin?
0:02:47 > 0:02:51Oi. And you need to sort out this best man business.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53All right if I have a cup of tea first?
0:02:53 > 0:02:58- Yeah, you can, cos Billy's coming round for a boys' night in to talk about the stag.- A boys' night in?
0:02:58 > 0:03:02Er, don't start. You've only had one job and I've still ended up doing it.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Come on, babe, I want this wedding to be special, OK?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I've got enough on my plate as it is.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Whatever you want.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11I've had a word with Mick
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- and the drinks are on the tab tonight an' all.- Really?
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Yep. You enjoy yourself. You deserve it.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Thank you.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Oh, Phil - Linda wants a word.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23What about?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27DOOR SHUTS
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Oh, I've had the kids looking everywhere for this.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39You all right?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Yeah, I'm fine. If you need any ironing done, bring it on.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46It's quiet, ain't it?
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Yeah. We never needed an alarm with that lot, did we?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Shirley, all I'm saying is, right, if you go down Shoreditch,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10all those £300 cut-and-blow-dry gaffs, this stuff, promise you, this is all the rage.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Right?
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- Alfie, it's got a skull and crossbones on it. - No, don't worry about that.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16It's a sticker. It's just health and safety gone mad.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- It comes off. - What's the matter with you?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I've just lost an earring down the khazi, so you tell me.
0:04:21 > 0:04:26Shirley, you sorted that kitchen out yet?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Linda, can I interest you in some conditioner? Top of the range.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Alfie. Alfie, most people have months to organise a hen do,
0:04:31 > 0:04:36- I've had hours and I've got a family full of shirkers. So I can do without the hard sell.- Fair comment.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Now, you tell your girls it's in here from six.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- Free bar so it won't cost 'em nothing.- Ah, I dunno.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Oi. Oi!
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Hold on, hold on, hold on...wait.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- Yeah. Pine fresh.- Oi! Take that.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51By the way, you're over at Phil's tonight.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53A boys' night to sort the stag out.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54Hold up, what's that got to do with me?
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I've told you, she's my mate, which means you've got to make nice,
0:04:57 > 0:05:00so you're going on that stag whether you like it or not.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- Young lovers, I'm out of here.- Oi, hold up. What you doing tonight?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Fancy getting Mitchell-ed up? - What? Nah. Nah, mate. I can't, got the kids, ain't I?
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- Get someone to have 'em for a couple of hours.- Lee's over with Whitney tonight.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12There you go, see? Not just a pretty face.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- Sorted. We'll have a laugh. - Nah, nah, nah. I can't do it.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Listen, we'll go over there, show our boats for a couple of hours,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21then we'll slip back to yours for a nice little peaceful night.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22Everyone's a winner.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26When was the last time you had the gaffe to yourself, eh?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Tell you what, I'll see you later.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Good boy. Ta-ta.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Here, mate, I couldn't nick a snout off you, could I?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Ta.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59A stag night... Brainstorm?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01I mean, obviously I've already got some quality plans.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05- But it won't do any harm, will it? Anyway pop round after work, yeah, Mas?- Yeah.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09I'm not actually getting blown out of dinner plans by my own father, am I?
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Dad?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Babe, I am so sorry something's come up, I got to go.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20You've only just got here. I thought we was having lunch?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Sorry. Hey!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- Oh, don't. I thought you was Mum. - You having fun there?- No.
0:06:27 > 0:06:32Mum's on one organising Sharon's hen and I left the house at eight
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- to swerve her and I've been on the move ever since. - It can't be that bad.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Right, what's that - like 32 missed calls?
0:06:38 > 0:06:42Yeah, that's pretty bad. Well, listen - why don't you come round to Lauren's later on?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- You can hang out with us, if you want.- Know what - you're all right, actually.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Come on, Nance, let it go. Come round.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- Fine.- Yeah? Awesome! That's that sorted.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Can I get a coffee to go, please?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58You all right, Peter? What you doing later?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Apparently everybody's at mine, so...
0:07:00 > 0:07:02It's more of a hide-out, actually.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I'm helping Cindy out with Beth.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07On a school night, too? You devil.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08You're all right. Cheers, anyway.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Ah, that's a shame. We're going to miss you, Beale.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I've just had murders with the limo company.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- What's this? - It's half a sparkly curtain.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I can see that. Why?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Never you mind what this is.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31You just have to wait and see. Now, sorry, what were you saying about a limo?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Oh, look, don't worry. Linda, are you sure you've got enough time to...
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Don't worry, don't worry, it's all in hand.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40It's all...in hand.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Excuse me, Mrs Mitchell.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44She ain't married yet.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48I bet you're over the moon that the guv'nor is sorting out your hen do.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Ain't you? She's going to make you proud. Ain't you, baby, eh?
0:07:51 > 0:07:56- Going to make her proud. You just want me to get on with that stage, don't you?- Yes, I do. I do. I...yes.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Now, I've booked you in with Dean to get your hair done.- Dean?
0:08:00 > 0:08:02I know, but he really wants to make amends and I've warned him
0:08:02 > 0:08:03to make a fuss of you.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05So it's the perfect opportunity.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- OK.- And he's expecting you soon so you need to get over there.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09I'd better give him a hand.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Hold on.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15It's a bit early, isn't it?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19Well, it's your big day. Best make the most of it.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Congratulations.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Some people don't need a lot. Do they?
0:08:28 > 0:08:32Bottle of Asti and two straws, them two would still be happy.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34LAUGHTER
0:08:40 > 0:08:44- It's too much. They can't have 'em all.- What're you talking about? Whitney does it for a living.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48I mean, she's got 30-odd on the go every day. Lee can help her out.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51- How can we turn down a free drink from Phil, eh?- Alfie, I could really do without
0:08:51 > 0:08:54being slapped in the face by other people's happiness.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Do you know what I mean?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Kat, you know, I was going to wait till everyone was about
0:09:05 > 0:09:08till I told you, but you might as well know.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10What have you done now?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13No, I... Nah, nah, I've done nothing.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14It's good news.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Good news?
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Really?
0:09:18 > 0:09:23Yeah, really. Yeah. I've, um... I've spoken to the council.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24And they're going to cut us some slack.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Slack?- Yeah.- What you talking about?
0:09:27 > 0:09:31They're going to give us three months to sort it out. You know, cos I laid it on thick, didn't I?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- And this is official? - Darling, it's proper official.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I was going to surprise you but I thought, might as well tell you now.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40That's fantastic. How did you pull that out the bag?
0:09:40 > 0:09:45Kat, I can be very persuasive when I want to be, OK? I pulled you, didn't I? Come here.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Now come on, go and get your glad rags on. Let's go and enjoy it while it lasts, yeah? That's it.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56So this is what all the top stylists in Bucharest are using, yeah?
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Yeah. Definitely.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Right, then.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Oh, no, I've got to go back to work.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Listen, if the product's as good as you say it is,
0:10:05 > 0:10:07you won't mind testing it out.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Only take two minutes.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12No, get that away from me! Me eyes are burning already.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14We haven't talked prices yet!
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Making friends again, I see?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Here you are. This is for Phil. There's 500 in there.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34I'm sure he's going to count it but just so you know.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38And also, I want to apologise.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I'm usually sneaking OUT of women's bedrooms.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47No, in all seriousness, I was bang out of order.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I never should have dragged you into that. I'm sorry.
0:10:52 > 0:10:58Let me start to make it up to you by doing your hair.
0:10:58 > 0:11:02Making you look even more beautiful than you already do. Hmm?
0:11:18 > 0:11:19I heard about the appeal.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24Look, Stacey, we've both got to live here, haven't we?
0:11:24 > 0:11:28So the way I see it, OK, is we're never going to be best friends, obviously.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31But I don't know, we don't have to hate each other, do we?
0:11:31 > 0:11:35- No, course not.- Right. So...as fun as this has been,
0:11:35 > 0:11:38I've got a hen night to get ready for.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Maybe I'll see you tonight.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42All right, yeah.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- OK.- See you later.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53I was thinking about a slide-show. For my speech. You know, me and Phil through the years.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Yeah, but it's a little bit weird though, ain't it, Bill?
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Billy! Billy!
0:11:57 > 0:12:02What's all this about a stag event later? I've just seen Masood.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Yeah.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Oh, come on, Mum, it'll be fun.- Yeah, it'll be a right laugh.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10No, no, no. I can't be bothered with all that.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15Look at this. You could feed the 5,000 with this lot.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Mum, listen to me, all right? We're all missing 'em.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19- It'll do us both good.- Yeah.
0:12:19 > 0:12:27- And trust me, you're not going to get no peace and quiet with these kids round here.- No.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30PHONE RINGS
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Ha-ha-ha, Linda - you can't find me!
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Hello? Who's that?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- All right?- Just feeling a bit iffy.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57Oh. You're not up to helping Linda with Sharon's hen do then, no?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Must be a bug going round.- Must be.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07Oh, you know, sugar boost, innit? You know, keep my energy levels up.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Yeah, sugar boost.
0:13:09 > 0:13:14I did finish work early to go spend some quality time with Lauren but I'll stay in and look after you.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16No, no. Don't be silly, don't be silly.
0:13:16 > 0:13:17PHONE RINGS
0:13:17 > 0:13:21Probably Linda now. Probably really struggling.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25- Anyway, I'll just go cancel those special plans.- All right. I'm feeling a bit better.
0:13:25 > 0:13:28- Oh, really, are you?- All right, all right! Enough with the guilt trip.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30You don't have to put up with her.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Come on. Chop chop.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36She's only going to come and kick the door in anyway.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I can't face Attila the Hen sober.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Listen, strippers love older women.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Here you are, Kat. It's your lucky day.- Oi, you!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I reckon they like the discipline that the older woman
0:13:49 > 0:13:52brings to the table.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- A firm hand.- Ugh, Nan!
0:13:56 > 0:13:57Ugh, is this off?
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Don't be stupid. Wine don't go off.
0:13:59 > 0:14:04- It does taste a bit funny. Where'd you nick that from?- Well, if you don't want it, I'll have it.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- Nan?!- Now what?
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- That stinks! It smells like cat food.- Yeah, well, you'll have to get used to it.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Fat Elvis don't do returns and we've got a barrel load of it.
0:14:23 > 0:14:24Everything all right?
0:14:25 > 0:14:33Yeah, yeah, just every now and then I think about her, you know. And it hits you.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36When I was a kid, right, she used to make me as a treat - what was it? -
0:14:36 > 0:14:41bread and butter pudding. Didn't have the heart to tell her I couldn't stand it.
0:14:41 > 0:14:45You've always been a big softie, ain't ya? So come on, then, what do you reckon?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48All the lumps and bumps covered or what?
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Beautiful... Always beautiful.
0:14:51 > 0:14:57- Soppy git.- Right. What d'you prefer? Red or black?
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Red, innit? Got to be red.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Cheers, Stace.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Right, you two ready, then?
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Ha-ha!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15There you go.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I hope it's strong.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Right, before everyone arrives, I just want to say that
0:15:20 > 0:15:24when it comes to love, things don't always go to plan.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27You know, sometimes life throws obstacles up in the way
0:15:27 > 0:15:30but true love always finds a way.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34So, here's to you and Phil. True love that found its way.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Cheers.- I'll drink to that.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40This one's called a Ball and Chain.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44I've made a selection. They're all ready and waiting. I did it especially.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48And what did I say about Dean? You look fantastic! He's done a great job.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Thanks, Linda. Look, I'm just going to go to the loo, OK? Cheers.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Where is everybody?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Hiya. Are we early?
0:15:58 > 0:15:59No!
0:15:59 > 0:16:04Alfie, if I'm not back by ten I've chucked you for a stripper!
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Yeah - I'm not that lucky, babe! Have fun.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10There you go. That's you done.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- Hold on, my shoe's playing up. - We'll see you in there.
0:16:32 > 0:16:38Good luck with you two bringing girlfriends back home to this lot, eh?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40You're a pair of lucky gits though, eh?
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Got a mum who's going to do all the battles for ya,
0:16:43 > 0:16:46an auntie that loves you very much, and a great nan who's got
0:16:46 > 0:16:48enough hair gel sorted till you're 21.
0:16:51 > 0:16:57And, you've got a dad who's going to take care of the lot of you.
0:16:57 > 0:17:03Because that's what dads do. Take care of things.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Right. Let's get you two sorted now, right? There we go.
0:17:12 > 0:17:15Tell you what, I used to love a playground.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Saying that though,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22remember one time I proper face-planted off the monkey bars
0:17:22 > 0:17:29and then my dad bought me an ice cream so I wouldn't tell my mum.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Yeah. I was never much of a playground kid.
0:17:31 > 0:17:35What, you? You're like James Bond.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43So, today I realised that my 52-year-old father has
0:17:43 > 0:17:44a better social life than me.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49I wouldn't mind but he's not particularly popular himself.
0:17:52 > 0:17:59Ooh! I imagine that means you're not doing anything tonight, then?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01If you need me, I'm across the road. And if the kids play up,
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- give us a shout on the phone, yeah?- Yeah, that's fine.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Lee's coming round in a bit, so he'll help me out if I'm struggling.
0:18:06 > 0:18:11- Alfie, go and get your head down. You look like you need it. - No, no, I'm fine. Nah, it's all good.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13- See ya. - All right. See you later.
0:18:18 > 0:18:22- What sort of surprise? - If I told you that it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?
0:18:22 > 0:18:23See? Stripper.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Well, you'll have to wait and see.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Is it just me or is it really, really nice?
0:18:27 > 0:18:29- I can't get a reception. - We've only just got here.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Will you at least give 'em half a chance to play her up?
0:18:32 > 0:18:33- Stace...- Thanks.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Look, have a drink. Relax.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37I like a swimmer's build myself.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I can't be doing with too many of them muscles, you know?
0:18:40 > 0:18:45- What? - Last few days of freedom, dolly. Should've brought the baby oil.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Look at her! Look, she's not even bothered. I bet Phil gives her a private show.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11You've left your front door open. What's the matter with you? You're living in East London!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13There's tea leaves everywhere.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Listen, you having this - four cans of lager for a fiver?
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- How can I compete with that?- Mick, listen, I've got some bits and bobs to do. See you over there.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Nah, nah. I know your game. If I leave here, you'll never turn up.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Mick, I promise. Hand on heart, I'll be there.- Alfie, I'm not a mug.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Listen, tell you what, give me 30 minutes and I'll be with you.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33I ain't going nowhere. You ain't leaving me over there on me jack. We're in this together.
0:19:33 > 0:19:39- Listen, 20 minutes. 20 minutes tops. - You crack on, I'll make a start for the pair of us.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40No, no, Mick. Please. Just go.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44I can't go with ya. All right?
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- Why not? - Because if I've not paid the rent on this house by next week,
0:19:47 > 0:19:50we're going to get kicked out of here.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51What?
0:19:55 > 0:20:00So what I'm going to do, I'm going to start a little fire in here.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01And I'm going to make a claim.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Make sure you clean up after yourselves, yeah?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Why? Where you going?
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Something's come up.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23But I thought we were sorting the stag out?
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Confirm everything. That's what Sharon said.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30No go-karting, no paintballing. None of that. Anybody tries any funny stuff,
0:20:30 > 0:20:35- they'll be counting the teeth they've got left in their head. Understood?- Understood.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43It's only going to be smoke damage.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47- I'm not burning down the house, Mick. It's nothing.- Nothing?
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- It's arson.- What? Dropping a snout in a bin ain't exactly Brink's-Mat.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55- You don't even smoke. What's the matter with you?- It's just a small claim. What do they care anyway?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57It'll be enough to cover the contents.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59- It'll just buy me a bit of time. - Buy you a bit of time?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- Yes.- What're you talking about?
0:21:01 > 0:21:05What do you think this is, some sort of slap on the wrist? You're talking about a proper bit of bird.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09No, just let me do what I've got to do, OK? I've only got a small chance before the family come back.
0:21:09 > 0:21:15I've tried everything and nothing has worked. OK. This...
0:21:15 > 0:21:17This is my last chance. All right?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Look at me. Look at me.
0:21:22 > 0:21:27You've got a wife, you've got kids at home and you want to risk it all?
0:21:27 > 0:21:32You want to risk going away for a poxy insurance claim? Yeah?
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Now don't get me wrong, we've all had our moments.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39Right? But you're not thinking straight. OK?
0:21:39 > 0:21:43So. We're going to go and have a beer.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46And tomorrow we'll sit down and we'll sort something out.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54Alfie, liven yourself up.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10It all depends on what your type is, really.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12What type, men or women?
0:22:12 > 0:22:16No, I mean, like bad boys or nice guys.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19My taste speaks for itself, obviously.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21- Bad boys... All day long.- Nan.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25- Depends on who you attract, too. - Oi.- What?
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- Stop it. They're fine. - I'm just checking.
0:22:27 > 0:22:30I said it depends on who you attract, too. Actually.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34- Sharon knows all about that, don't you, Sharon?- Sorry?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Like there's Linda and Mick.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Then there's you and Phil, me and David.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Some of us are suckers for punishment.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43She ain't had a drink for ages.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47I'm not being funny but can you smell tuna?
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Well, Jay's head's up in Bolton with Abi, so he's no help, is he?
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I know a bloke who could do you a deal on a minibus.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00If you want to make a day of it. Finder's fee applicable, of course.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03A fee? For ringing your friend with a van?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05A stag day out. I like the sound of that.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09This is a minibus, all right? And this is Phil we're talking about. Who's going to go?
0:23:09 > 0:23:13Might as well save your money and get him a Boris bike, or something, do you know what I mean?
0:23:13 > 0:23:18Well, you lot would all go though, wouldn't you?
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Hey! Here we go.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- Here we go!- All right.
0:23:23 > 0:23:29- Hold up, I thought we was having a drink?- We can drink and play.- I don't think that's a good idea.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32So what we saying, big blind £5, small blind £2.50?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Yes, Les! You see, that is my brother right there!- Right, who wants?
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Sorry, boys, listen, I can't. Christmas coming up. We're on a budget and all that, you know.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Christmas? What are you talking about?- The old woman would kill me.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46It's all right for you. I never know whether she's going to poison me or not with her cooking.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50- Don't think I'll risk it. - OK, big blind, £2?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Easy. We can't all make a fortune out of misery, can we?
0:23:53 > 0:23:55Oh. Says the publican.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Why don't we just have a nice little friendly game?
0:23:58 > 0:24:00We used to play with matches when I was a kid.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01When we had no money.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Anyway, this lot ain't going to last long, is it?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07I guess someone is going to have to do the beer run.
0:24:07 > 0:24:08A couple of cans of bitter wouldn't go amiss.
0:24:08 > 0:24:12Listen, I'll go. I could do with the exercise. You lot start without me.
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Yeah, sure? - Yeah, yeah, fine. Right, Billy.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Listen, I ain't going to play for money. No way.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Don't worry about it. I'll be back in a minute, all right?
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Well, listen, don't be long.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Right, give us one of them lagers, Bill.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41You OK? You enjoying yourself?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47You've got your surprise soon. You ready?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Yeah. As I'll ever be.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51It's time. This way, come on.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55That's it.
0:25:11 > 0:25:16All right, don't you think it's about time we made up now?
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Sorry, are you giving me the silent treatment?
0:25:23 > 0:25:28You know, every year, Rox, I always fancy myself to crack it.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31Something good will happen and I'm like, "That's cool, here we go."
0:25:31 > 0:25:33Then one morning, you look in the mirror
0:25:33 > 0:25:36and you realise you're 50. Kids, a missus who relies on you.
0:25:36 > 0:25:41And then bam, it hits you. What if it never happens?
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Too late to learn a trade, ain't it?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47What's that saying? "God loves a trier."
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- Sometimes trying ain't enough. - Alfie.
0:25:52 > 0:25:56Alfie, you've got three gorgeous boys, right?
0:25:56 > 0:25:57You've got a missus who adores you.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00I don't think you've done too badly. Yeah?
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Look, I've got to go,
0:26:04 > 0:26:08cos I think I'm already more than fashionably late for this hen night.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12You know what, Alfie?
0:26:12 > 0:26:16You need to remember something. You're Alfie Moon.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20You're going to pull something out the bag. You always do. Right?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22So just do yourself a favour, stop feeling sorry for yourself
0:26:22 > 0:26:25and get on with it. OK? Hmm?
0:26:30 > 0:26:31- See you later.- Yeah.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- It's just, you know, it's just so quiet.- I know that, all right?
0:26:47 > 0:26:53And it's going to be hard, but it'll get better. I'm here for you. We all are.
0:26:53 > 0:26:58- Shirley, can I get two pink ones, please? Have you seen Kat? - No. Why? Is everything all right?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I bet she's gone round Whitney's.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02She's going to miss it all now, look.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Ladies! Can I have your attention, please? Gather round.
0:27:06 > 0:27:07You ready?
0:27:09 > 0:27:15May I present our very special surprise guest - Mr Philip Mitchell!
0:27:15 > 0:27:19LAUGHTER
0:27:19 > 0:27:21He's not going to strip, is he?
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- What you doing? Where you going? - I can't do it. I can't marry him.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31But...