0:00:43 > 0:00:45SHE VOMITS
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Oh. What you doing home?
0:00:51 > 0:00:52Just a refill.
0:00:57 > 0:00:58You had your hair done?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00What? No, why? What's wrong with it?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02No, no, no, no. Looks good.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Yeah, very...sassy.
0:01:05 > 0:01:06- Sassy?- Yeah.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08What do you want?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- Magic Marv's in town.- Who?
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Magic Marv, the music man.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13You know, bloke off kids' telly.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16Well, anyway, he's doing a fun day at the community centre
0:01:16 > 0:01:19and some bloke's selling cheap tickets on the market.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Arthur loves him.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21And...?
0:01:21 > 0:01:23And I want to take him.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25And I thought I could take Hope and Stacey.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27You know, we sort all the timetable stuff out.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31Thing is, I need someone to watch the stall because Luke's sick.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Martin, you need a solicitor.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35If you think some fun day's going to spark a reunion
0:01:35 > 0:01:38between you and the wicked witch of Walford, then...
0:01:38 > 0:01:40No, look, it's for the kids, Son. Yeah?
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Come on.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43I'll make it up to ya.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06SHE SIGHS HEAVILY
0:02:22 > 0:02:24PHONE RINGS
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Savannah? Savannah, I told you.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33All right? It's my girl's birthday.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Right, I cannot leave no earlier than one o'clock...
0:02:37 > 0:02:38What?
0:02:42 > 0:02:43He pulled out?
0:02:43 > 0:02:47Oi, oi, oi, you tell him I cannot drop the price any lower.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49It's a prime bar, prime location.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51He's taking...
0:02:54 > 0:02:55All right.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57All right!
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Yeah, well, you know what? No sorrier than I am.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- KIM:- OK, come on. Come on, come on, come on.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- May I introduce to you...- Boo!
0:03:25 > 0:03:28..the newest member of the foxy three club?
0:03:28 > 0:03:32And her mother who still looks young enough to be her sister.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Yeah! Thank you.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56MAN COUGHING
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Magic Marv? The Magic Marv?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Yeah. He's making a comeback.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- At our community centre?- Yeah.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Apparently he's doing a local tour.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12- Arthur loves him. - Well, he used to,
0:04:12 > 0:04:13but he's gone off him a bit now.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Well, just thought we could have, you know, a nice day together
0:04:16 > 0:04:18as a family, like the old days.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19The old days?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21No, not like that, I mean...
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Look, you know, like, we tried to sort the timetables out last week
0:04:25 > 0:04:29and it went to pot, didn't it? So... You know, we do that today.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Like adults.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33No aggro, no rows.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Just a nice family day.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37For the kids.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39- Yeah?- All right.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Brilliant!
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Going to have a laugh, won't we? Have a laugh.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Yeah!
0:04:49 > 0:04:50What was I thinking?
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- What was I drinking? - Is your Pan boss-eyed?
0:04:54 > 0:04:55I mean, look at mine.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- He'd be flying round in circles, him.- Never mind my Pan.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02You come in here, right? We had a drink.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- And then we went on to...? - The gay gaff.
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Soho.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Yeah, all them birds.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- What a waste. - And then on to Shoreditch for...?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Two Pans for the price of one.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16And then, er...lock in.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20We didn't, er...?
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Nah! I give it a good go mind.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28Oh, thank God for that.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- Er, no offence.- Offence taken.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32DOOR OPENS
0:05:36 > 0:05:37Of course I'll help if I can.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Just getting my charger.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Peek of your Pan before I go?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Yes! Who's got two thumbs
0:06:01 > 0:06:05and just landed tickets for Magic Marv at the community centre?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Pearl's birthday treat.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- Magic who?- Marv. Magic Marv.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12He combines music and magic for the masses?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14The prat with the hat, off kids' telly?
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Now, I know that you're busy with your big meeting,
0:06:17 > 0:06:20but maybe you could come afterwards?
0:06:20 > 0:06:22- I'll try.- Good.
0:06:22 > 0:06:26And before you start to worry, the tickets were cheap,
0:06:26 > 0:06:28and the presents were thoughtful
0:06:28 > 0:06:33and the belts are tied tight until we're all right. OK?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36You see, we don't need to spend a fortune to celebrate, do we, babe?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- No?- No.- No.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Like they say, all you need is love.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Bee Gee's were right.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51No, no, no!
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Yes! Yes!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55- No!- Get in there!
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Have a bit of that!
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Hey, hey! Yeah, man!
0:07:00 > 0:07:02Game set and match.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Yeah, man! Come, come, come, come, come.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Let me feel the fibre of that fabric.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Yeah, well, rematch tomorrow?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Come, come, come.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10You just got lucky.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13There's no such thing as luck in chess, brother.
0:07:13 > 0:07:1512:30 at Kempton.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17I'll save my luck for there.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Hi, Bern!
0:07:20 > 0:07:25- Lost then, did ya?- Oh, here she is, Miss Brain of Britain.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27- Are you bunking off or what? - Nah, half day.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Can you tell the time? Bit early for a half day.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Well, three-quarters day...
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Anyway, fancy a game? I reckon you could do with the practice.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38Yeah, maybe.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42After we've sorted out the shallots. Is that a deal?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44As long as I can be whites.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45We'll see.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56We're going, so see you later!
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Yeah, I know, I know. I'm an idiot. He could've been a pervert.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09And now I've slept in and I'm late.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11My head's banging, all right? So I don't need no lecture from you.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I'm not your mother, Tina.
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Exactly.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Who's you talking to earlier? - Mind your own business!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20You're not my mother either.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28It's a bit basic, innit?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30No! It's intimate, innit?
0:08:31 > 0:08:34So I'm going to sort these tickets out.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37- Yeah. Good girl. You all right? - Yeah.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Oh, are we early?
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Nah, nah.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46There you go, mate. That's mine. Ta.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Shouldn't there be three of you?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- You know, treble clef? - SHE CHUCKLES
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Whatever.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54OK. We booked online.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Yeah, that's all right.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Oh, are you with Stacey?
0:09:00 > 0:09:01No. No, no, course not...
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- It's just a family day, you know? - Yeah.- Yeah.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- You got some big birthday plans today, have ya?- Yeah.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Well, you know, you can't do much on a Monday.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12So, you know, we're going to fly out next month.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Disney World.- Oh, lucky you! - Yeah, yeah.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21May I introduce to you,
0:09:21 > 0:09:22live from...
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Where is it?
0:09:25 > 0:09:29..er, Watford community centre,
0:09:29 > 0:09:33Magic Marv, The Music Man!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35TINNY MUSIC PLAYS
0:09:36 > 0:09:38Hello, boys and girls!
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Who's ready to play?
0:09:40 > 0:09:42# I am Magic Marv
0:09:42 > 0:09:43# And I come from down your way
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- # And I can play - RECORDING:- What can you play? #
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Well, I was going to tell ya.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49I can play the piano.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53# Pia-pia-piano, piano, piano
0:09:53 > 0:09:56# Pia-pia-piano Pia-piano... #
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Very good!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Hello, handsome. How can I help?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12Well, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't feel that spark.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14I got an hour for lunch.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Lucky you.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Where's my ring?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Ring? What ring are we talking about then?
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Nobody else has been in the house bar us and you.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I want my ring back.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Fabric conditioner? Washing powder?
0:10:29 > 0:10:30You come see me, yeah?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32But robbing houses? Neighbours?
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Nah, that's for scumbags and I'm far from that, mate,
0:10:35 > 0:10:36you understand me?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41I wash pants for a living, yeah?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45Good thieves wouldn't need to, lowlife thieves wouldn't bother.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46I'm neither.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49And I will go out there now and I will front up that square
0:10:49 > 0:10:52and you and your wife and anyone else who says different, yeah?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57You... You don't tell nobody else about this, yeah?
0:10:59 > 0:11:03I'll expect a generous tip next time I do your ironing, big boy.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Oi!
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Now you want to check your wife's fingers, yeah,
0:11:10 > 0:11:13before checking my back pockets, you get me?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17# I am the music man! #
0:11:17 > 0:11:20Childhoods are being ruined here.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Whoo!
0:11:25 > 0:11:29That can't be him. I know it's been a few years, but...
0:11:31 > 0:11:32- Is he drunk?- No! No, no.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35He's just a bit, er... Bit rusty, isn't he?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Good afternoon, Watford!
0:11:37 > 0:11:41Right, who's up for a day of fun, boys and girls?
0:11:41 > 0:11:46Now, I want all the mummies and daddies involved.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Music and magic -
0:11:47 > 0:11:49that's how we rock and...
0:11:49 > 0:11:51SILENCE
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Come on, music and magic, that's how we rock and...
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- Roll!- Roll.- That's it! That's it!
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Right...
0:11:58 > 0:11:59..who we got in today, then?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Oooh, Yummy Mummy alert.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03What's your name then?
0:12:03 > 0:12:06This is Arthur and I'm Stacey.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09Oh, Sally! Lovely Sally.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12You're punching, son.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14You what?
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Clef? Get some volunteers, mate.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20It's xylophone time!
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- KIDS:- Me! Me!- Yay!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Shall we go? This ain't going to get any better.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28No! No, he's just having a great time, ain't you, boy? See?
0:12:28 > 0:12:31He is! It's just like that time when we went to that dodgy panto
0:12:31 > 0:12:32in Ilford, weren't it? You know, last year.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35We just had a good time. Make the most of it.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Come on, it'll be a laugh! Eh?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39The xylophone, one of the few words that begins with X-Y.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Because it's EXTRA special, that's why.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52So, you turn up an hour late, burn eggs on toast,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- mix up a decaf for a coffee and now you fancy a kip?- Sorry, Kath.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58- I had a late night.- Yeah, I can see.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00And so can all the customers.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01You're too old for all this now.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Either pull yourself together or go home.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Cor, Gordon Ramsey's not happy.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Cup of tea, please.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15PLAYS A SIMPLE TUNE
0:13:16 > 0:13:18APPLAUSE
0:13:18 > 0:13:21COPIES TUNE
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Hey, hey!
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- That's how we rock and...? - Roll.- Who's next? Are you ready?
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Yeah, yeah.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Come on, mate, we can do this.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30When you're ready.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32QUICK TUNE
0:13:32 > 0:13:35That's a bit fast, innit? Right.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37PLAYS BADLY No, sorry, just do it again.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39QUICK TUNE, CHILDREN LAUGHING
0:13:39 > 0:13:41PLAYS RANDOM NOTES
0:13:41 > 0:13:46Well, if the tune don't flow, it's time to go.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Come on then, mate.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Hope he tickles your ivories better than that.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52What'd you say?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Er, sorry, sir! No kid, no entry.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Can't be too careful these days!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58I'm with this little one.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00- Oh! I see...- Hello, boy.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Double daddies!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Ooh-hoo-hoo!
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Well, am I done yet or what?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- That'll do.- Finally!
0:14:16 > 0:14:17What is a shallot anyway?
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Shall I set up, then?
0:14:20 > 0:14:23No, now you can go to school.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- What? But you said...- Do I look like I was born yesterday?
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Is that a trick question?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Education is the key to life, young lady.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- You ain't going to tell my mum, are ya?- No, I'm not.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37As long as you consider this a lesson learned.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- Can I at least lend the board? - No, you can't.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47A shallot - it's like an onion, only sweeter.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Right, can you put these in the shed and make sure it's shut?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I am off to the pub.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07PLAYING TAMBOURINE
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Smashed it out the park! Wahey!
0:15:11 > 0:15:15Give 'em a round of applause.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16- Hey, you. Hey, you!- You all right?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18It's a bit budget in here, innit?
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Oh, listen, Pearl loves it.
0:15:21 > 0:15:24You should've seen her on the xylo-ma-phone thing.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Listen, it is like looking in a mirror.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Natural talent, natural talent!
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Yeah. Oh, my God.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34So, how was your meeting?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Oh, it didn't work out.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Well, never mind. You know, there'll be plenty more buyers, right?
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Course.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42All right, we need another volunteer.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46Remember - Bee Gees. All you need is love.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48All right?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Get those muscles up on stage.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52OK, now, it's dead simple, right.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55All you gotta do is follow my rhythm.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00- There you go.- Why is he here?
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Well, you said you wanted to work out timetables as a family.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08- Well, we're a family, ain't we? - No, I know.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- I just thought...- Look, Martin, I appreciate how hard you're trying.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15I really do, but I just thought Kush should be here.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Well done, Super-sub Daddy! Yay!
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Now, it's time for a small intermission.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24See you later.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26I need a drink. I'll be back in a minute.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Right, there you go.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38That will either sober you up or give you the runs.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Some risks are worth taking.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- It was Magic Marv. - I thought he was dead.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47I've got a whole phone of selfies with Magic Bloody Marv.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50I used to watch him with Zsa Zsa when she was a kid.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Oh, I'm too old for this, Kath!
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I woke up this morning with my head in a urinal
0:16:55 > 0:16:57and a dodgy tattoo of Peter Pan.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00I'm a 43-year-old kid.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01I'm Patsy Pan!
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Pasty Pan?- Yes.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06Oh, listen, I've made much worse mistakes
0:17:06 > 0:17:08and been a lot older than you, believe me.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11But the only way you'll stop people treating you like a kid
0:17:11 > 0:17:13is to stop acting like one.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15TABLE SCRAPING
0:17:17 > 0:17:18You all right?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Hey? Yeah, come here, sit down.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- There you go.- Thanks very much.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33What can I get you, Martin?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Oi.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40- What are you doing? - Whoa, whoa, whoa, settle down.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Settle down? You're drinking.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- What you in here for? Glass a milk? - No, I need a drink.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46You've had enough.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48What, you need a drink?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Oh, cry me a river, pal.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51I've got two ex-wives
0:17:51 > 0:17:54and a ten-year-old tax bill sucking me dry.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Ain't my fault Steroid Stanley's banging Sally's drum.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Stacey!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Her name is Stacey!
0:18:00 > 0:18:02Martin? What you doing?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13Sip it, all right? Drink it too fast, it'll make you queasy.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Is was that District line. The smell, it's done me in.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Never mind them tube nonces.
0:18:17 > 0:18:21There should be a hotline to shop the soapy gits.
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Don't worry about the tattoo, by the way. We've all been there.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- How do you know about that? - Well, you were shouting.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I'd show you my tramp stamp from Zante
0:18:29 > 0:18:30if I had a decent pair of knickers on.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32THEY LAUGH
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Hey, listen, do you need an ambulance?- Nah.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Can leave her alone, though.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40She's hungover, but helpful, you know what I mean?
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Good start.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45He's been winding me up all day.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47What happened to making the most of things?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49You're sneaking off for a pint and bashing up Magic Marv.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Don't start, Stace. You're the one who brought backup.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53I'm sorry, Martin,
0:18:53 > 0:18:57but that is how it's going to be from now on, all right?
0:18:57 > 0:18:59It's a good job he did come in a way.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Arthur didn't crack a smile till Kush turned up.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Well, I did tell you this morning that he's gone off Magic Marv.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Like you've gone off me? And now Arthur will an' all.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Oh, Martin! I am sorry.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13Stop saying you're sorry when you clearly ain't.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15You're standing there like you've done nothing wrong.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I'm the one who's done nothing wrong.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Oh, cos this is really Dad Of The Year behaviour, is it?
0:19:19 > 0:19:22- Don't start all that, Martin. - No, I will.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24You tell me what I've ever done to you.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28What I've done to them kids. Right, I had a family. I had you.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- What have I done to deserve this? - I ain't doing all this again.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Just one reason, that is all I want.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Did I ever hit ya? Eh? Was I ever nasty?
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Have I ever cheated on ya? No.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40So, come on, just tell me. One reason, that's all I want.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- Tell me!- What do you want me to say? What?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46What, that I don't fancy you any more? You're boring?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48I'm bored of you, of this?
0:19:49 > 0:19:52I'm sorry, Martin, I really am, but I can't do this any more.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54And if you're going to be like that, then just go home.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59The show ain't finished yet, is it?
0:20:06 > 0:20:09- Ever heard of knocking?- Shut up. Right, how do I look?
0:20:09 > 0:20:10You're going out with Libby Walker.
0:20:10 > 0:20:16- It don't matter what you look like. She ain't fussy.- Perfect.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Oi, what's that?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Chess. And no, you can't play.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21Why would I want to play chess?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23It's just like a posh draughts, innit?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Draughts? Chess is for intelligent people.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29You didn't even know Loose Libby was easy. Jog on.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Well, come on then, Einstein.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34How hard can it be if you can play?
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I mean, I know Disney World is a bit expensive,
0:20:37 > 0:20:40but I think our daughter deserves the best.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Vincent is suggesting Disneyland in Paris.
0:20:42 > 0:20:43I mean the trains...
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- Disney World?- Just keeping up appearances, Vincent.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Yeah, well, keep up this appearance, cos she's going to wet herself.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Oh, no! Come on, come on.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Oi! All right, let's go to the toilet.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56OK, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Take your seats.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00The second half of the show is about to begin!
0:21:00 > 0:21:02How we doing?
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Brilliant.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Right then, boys and girls... Come on.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Now it's time for the mummies and daddies to show us
0:21:11 > 0:21:12what they've got.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14I need some volunteers though.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Come on, don't be shy now.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Ah!
0:21:19 > 0:21:20- Yeah, and you!- No.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23No, you can't be shy looking like that. Come on.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- OK.- Right, come on.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I just need one more now.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29One more volunteer.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Yeah, I'll do it! Yeah.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Well, looky here.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Popeye's had his spinach.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40Clef, we've got a triple daddy duel!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47All right? Do you need a hand?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- You've perked up.- Yeah.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Ended up being a good day.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Shirley, there's a girl asking for you.
0:21:58 > 0:21:59You all know the rules.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02You state your name, your instrument, and then you play it.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05If you hesitate, you're outta here!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07OK, you'll be up first, handsome.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- All right?- All right.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Clef! Music please.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Get ready, muscles.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Here we go, here we go...
0:22:17 > 0:22:18One, two, three, four...
0:22:18 > 0:22:20# My name is Special K
0:22:20 > 0:22:22# And I come from down your way
0:22:22 > 0:22:24# And I can play...
0:22:24 > 0:22:25What can you play?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28# I play the guitar...
0:22:28 > 0:22:30# Guitar, guitar, guitar-a
0:22:30 > 0:22:32# Guitar-a, guitar-a
0:22:32 > 0:22:33# Guitar, guitar, guitar-a
0:22:33 > 0:22:35# Guitar, guitar-a. #
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Hey! Round of applause!
0:22:36 > 0:22:39Yay! Yay!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Come on, let's show Sally who's Daddy number one, eh?
0:22:42 > 0:22:45All right! Clef, same again.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49One, two, three, four!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52# My name is... Martin... Martin, I come from... #
0:22:52 > 0:22:54He's out! Back to your seat, sir!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56Mate, come on, you've got... One more go here.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58The music was out and stuff.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Just sit down, Popeye. - Another go, he cued me early.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- Leave Brutus and Olive in peace, yeah?- Oh, shut up.
0:23:06 > 0:23:07How's that for boring?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13It's OK, folks. He used to be a big fan of The Who, that's all!
0:23:17 > 0:23:20- Check...mate.- What?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23No, I didn't know a horse could do that, that's not fair.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Well, maybe you should've listened when I explained.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27You're such an idiot!
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Oi! Stop shouting! Come and get your lunch!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35Bernie! Lunch, now. Chop, chop.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47She's your mate's kid? What mate?
0:23:48 > 0:23:49You don't know her.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52All right, well, is she OK, though?
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- Cos she had a funny turn in the caff earlier.- It's complicated.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58I don't want you coming over there and embarrassing her.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59You watch the bar with Tracey.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Do you know him?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Looks dodgy to me.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Tracey, my darling!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Keep them coming.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18We got ten to one winnings, thanks to brother Teddy.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Good day for outsiders.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Oh, come on, cheer up now, man.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Bernie did your onions, it can't be all that bad.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27No, no, you're right. She's a good kid.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Yeah? So why don't you lend her your chessboard, then?
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Well, not that board.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Some things are too important to lend.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Now, for 20 quid, I'll throw in a signed picture and a selfie.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04- I don't think so. But thanks all the same.- C'mon!
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Look, she deserves a birthday treat, right?
0:25:07 > 0:25:08How about 15?
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Look, I know money's tight this time of year.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- 12?- All right, look, look. Here.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17All right and keep the change.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Much obliged, sir.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21I have to say, Watford's my kind of place.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23- I've had a blast.- Walford.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Now go, before I take off more than your hat.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32And we, tomorrow, are going to have a party, right?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34I mean, a proper party, yeah?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35And everyone is invited.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Vincent, remember, you know? You know, Bee Gees...?
0:25:38 > 0:25:41It's Beatles, babe.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43- Beatles?- Beatles.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45But you were right, yeah.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Our princess deserves to have the best.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50And if it means me giving my last pound,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52then that's what she'll get.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Yeah, OK.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57One, two, three,
0:25:57 > 0:26:00four, five!
0:26:04 > 0:26:06There's a hundred quid in there.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09If you need any more, just let me know.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11My phone number's in there too.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13But not here. I'll meet you somewhere.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Busy in here, ain't it?
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Most pubs round here are chicken shops these days.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Either you're cokehead friendly or the tourists like it
0:26:22 > 0:26:24cos the Kray's drank in here, right?
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Thank you. I appreciate it.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36Money in an envelope? Really?
0:26:36 > 0:26:37You're supposed to be watching the bar. Not me.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Is she in trouble?
0:26:39 > 0:26:40You all right?
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Just leave it.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- All right?- I'm fine.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48You following me or what?
0:26:48 > 0:26:50I said just leave it.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52- Just let me sit with her.- Tina!
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Tina?
0:26:54 > 0:26:56You're Zsa's mum?
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Zsa Zsa's my best mate.
0:27:00 > 0:27:02So you can stick your advice.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04You weren't no mum to her, so stop mothering me.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10Well, that was fun.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12No, thanks for inviting me.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- I don't know what's the matter with him.- Well, come on, Stace.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17You know what the matter is. He's hurting.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19And you know what?
0:27:19 > 0:27:23I reckon you didn't just invite me to protect him.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27You were worried you might just enjoy yourself.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Right, come on, little man.
0:27:34 > 0:27:35Let's go, shall we?
0:27:45 > 0:27:46What you doing home?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Didn't go well, then?
0:27:54 > 0:27:55It's over.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59I want a divorce.