0:00:08 > 0:00:10So, if we're ready for signature...?
0:00:10 > 0:00:14- You can absolutely guarantee it'll be the final leg?- No question.
0:00:14 > 0:00:18- Anything else would be in breach of contract.- Who's giving it to me?
0:00:18 > 0:00:22- Excellent question, Phoebe! Who's giving it to her?- Er... Anthony?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Erm...
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Dame Kelly Holmes.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Ooh...
0:00:30 > 0:00:35- I don't know who she is.- She's an Olympic athlete.- I don't care.
0:00:35 > 0:00:38- I can have who I want, can't I, Mummy? Daddy said!- Well, darling...
0:00:38 > 0:00:42- Why can't I ever have anything I want?- Well, it's...
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Do we have any other choices?
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Erm... Lord Coe.
0:00:48 > 0:00:53- No.- Sir Ian Botham?- No. - Sir Ian McKellen?- No.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- Justin Bieber.- Yes?
0:01:03 > 0:01:07He'll be fine. Marvellous.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12We've brought along a replica so that Phoebe has plenty of time to prepare.
0:01:16 > 0:01:20So, you pick up from Justin, then it's up the steps
0:01:20 > 0:01:23- and Bob's your uncle. - You're a very lucky girl.
0:01:23 > 0:01:29Actually, it has nothing to do with luck. My Daddy is very, very, very rich.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33She's v proud of her father.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37And he says I can have whatever I want, because I'm his princess.
0:01:38 > 0:01:45- Yes, you are.- So, all we need now is your sponsorship cheque.- Of course.
0:01:55 > 0:02:01- Good. Well, it's been an absolute pleasure.- How exciting!
0:02:01 > 0:02:06Lucinda will be completely sick. All she's doing is a stupid dance.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09She'll be one of hundreds, but I'll be special.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Yes, you will, poppet.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14So what happens now?
0:02:14 > 0:02:19All the paperwork will come through in about a week or so - rehearsal dates, VIP passes, details, etc.
0:02:19 > 0:02:23Just make sure you've marked July 27th on your calendar.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Abso-bloody-lutely!
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Say thank you, Phoebe.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37She's highly strung. V creative.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Oh, bless her.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- How'd it go?- Like taking candy from a baby.- Ah-ha.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52It's funny how you enjoy some jobs more than others.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Some people are more deserving than others.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Makes it all the sweeter. - Yes, it does.- Mind you...
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- A hundred grand ain't to be sniffed at.- No. It's a lot of clothes.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04To tell you the truth, they had way too much money anyway.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I mean, when you think about it, we're a bit like Robin Hood.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Yeah, well, we do take from the rich...
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- Only instead of giving it to the poor...- We buy clothes.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15- Which isn't quite as catchy. - No - but we look great.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03You've gotta love the Olympics.
0:04:03 > 0:04:08Apart from the fact they're turning the East End into a chinless wonder's paradise.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10So far, we've sold 12 non-existent executive boxes
0:04:10 > 0:04:13and three Olympic torch runs.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16She was such a brat.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Yeah... The way some people bring up their children.
0:04:19 > 0:04:23All I had at her age was a Sherbet Dib Dab and a hula hoop.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- I used to beat you hands down every time.- You bragging?
0:04:26 > 0:04:29- Snake Hips Kennedy, they used to call me.- He was such a girl.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Only cos I used to beat you.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Yes, because I couldn't get it off you, that's why.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37All right, children - we've made 100 grand, you can all have hoops.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41- Sure that's wise at Albert's age? He might do himself a mischief.- Oh?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Well, I could teach you youngsters a thing or two.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Yes, you could.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- I've worked something out about you lot. You're like big kids.- Yeah?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52I realised when you said you had a 100 grand so everyone could have hoops.
0:04:52 > 0:04:56Who in their right mind, if they had a £100,000,
0:04:56 > 0:04:58would spend it on hoops?
0:04:58 > 0:05:02- What have you got against hoops? - He's hoopist.- Could've had a bad experience as a child.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06- Yeah, he got all tangled up... - Couldn't quite get the rhythm...
0:05:06 > 0:05:08See? You're like big kids, messing about...
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Are you making a point here, Ed, or just having a Northern rant?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13There is a point, actually.
0:05:14 > 0:05:18One of you did this to Rushie!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Hang on. How do you know it was one of us?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25Cos it happened last night, and you were the only ones in here.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- Right.- Right? So? Who was it?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Well, whoever it was can't draw, cos his moustache is rubbish.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34That's his real one.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36You've defiled him! Look at him!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39It's not right, this! This man was poetry in shorts.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Summat funny, Michael?
0:05:45 > 0:05:47No. Sorry.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- Right, well - until one of you owns up, you're barred.- Eh?- Barred?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53That's a bit strong, innit Ed?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Especially as we're your partners.
0:05:55 > 0:05:59I don't mind all the banter and the general abuse, but this is going too far!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02All right, I think someone better own up.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09- What you looking at me for? - Well, you're the football nut.
0:06:09 > 0:06:13- Oi, oi, we're not ALL hooligans. - Well, it wasn't me.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Right, well - you're barred, all of you, till I find out who done it.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21I mean it!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Let's go.- Well, go on.- Come on.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Barred?- Barred!
0:06:39 > 0:06:44I'm serious, guys. It's taken me years to teach Eddie how to make a proper breakfast.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45Yes - not to mention losing our office.
0:06:45 > 0:06:48Yeah, well, he's got that Scouse resolve.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51He won't give up till one of us admits it.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55So go on. Who was it?
0:07:04 > 0:07:05ALBERT COUGHS UNEASILY
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- I'm Spartacus.- You?!
0:07:08 > 0:07:14- I did the ears. - I er...I did the glasses.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16And the beard?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Ready for this? Watch.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35THEY ALL GIGGLE AND MUTTER
0:07:52 > 0:07:54(Hide the pen.)
0:07:54 > 0:07:55See...?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- Well, that wasn't very grown-up, was it?- Albert started it.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02- Hey, you snitch. - Oh, come on, don't even start.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04All right, that's enough, that's enough.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- We can worry about Eddie later. Albert's got a new mark.- Oh, who?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11It's er.. kind of personal.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Ash, would you...help me out?
0:08:18 > 0:08:23This is Dexter Gold. That's not his real name, he changed it by deed poll four years ago.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- What's his real name?- Dexter Pratt.
0:08:26 > 0:08:30Started up a "Gold Hard Cash" website when the economy went into turmoil
0:08:30 > 0:08:32and he made a small fortune.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Classy guy.
0:08:34 > 0:08:38People who needed a few extra pounds saw his ads in the papers, sent their jewellery in,
0:08:38 > 0:08:42and he conned them by paying out a fraction of what it was worth.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45That is how I found him.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47INDISTINCT CHATTER
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Excuse me for just for a moment. Sorry.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Madam?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01'Vivienne Marchant hit hard times
0:09:01 > 0:09:03'when her husband died three years ago.'
0:09:03 > 0:09:06The worst thing is, I feel so stupid.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Oh, no, no.
0:09:07 > 0:09:12There was a time, when if it was in a newspaper written in black and white, it was true!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- Better days. - My George would be furious.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17He'd have gone round there, given him what for.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I'm sure he would.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I tried! He just laughed at me.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Said the conditions were written down.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27In small print, no doubt.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30It's really good of you to help me, Albert.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34You can't be too careful who you trust these days, my dear.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37The world isn't what it was. After all, you only met me, what,
0:09:37 > 0:09:41three days ago? I could be a con-man too.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Oh, don't be so daft!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47DOG GROWLS QUIETLY
0:09:48 > 0:09:52She sent this piece of filth - listen to this -
0:09:52 > 0:09:55two 24 carat gold rings, a diamond brooch.
0:09:55 > 0:09:5860 years of memories.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01He sent her back £28.50.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Bastard.- If we don't take this bloke for every penny he's got,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12I'll smack him in the mouth just for fun.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Don't worry, Ash, he'll receive our full attention.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Ah, yes, there is a bit of a problem.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19Isn't there always?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Michael?
0:10:22 > 0:10:27We checked him out and his Gold Hard Cash business, it seems,
0:10:27 > 0:10:30is just a sideline.
0:10:30 > 0:10:35He was connected to the gold bullion robbery at Gatwick in 2008
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- and the Tottenham warehouse gold heist last year.- He's a fence?
0:10:38 > 0:10:41He's a middle man for stolen gold bullion.
0:10:41 > 0:10:45He uses his Gold Hard Cash business as a cover to melt it down and sell it on.
0:10:45 > 0:10:51- What difference does it make if he's a crook?- Well, he's not just a crook, he's one of the chaps.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04# When the pimp's in the crib Drop it like it's hot
0:11:04 > 0:11:05# Drop it like it's hot
0:11:05 > 0:11:06# Drop it like it's hot
0:11:06 > 0:11:08# When the pigs try to give it you
0:11:08 > 0:11:09# Park it like it's hot
0:11:09 > 0:11:11# Park it like it's hot
0:11:11 > 0:11:13# If a ... get a attitude
0:11:13 > 0:11:15# Pop it like it's hot Pop it like it's hot
0:11:15 > 0:11:17# Pop it like it's hot... #
0:11:18 > 0:11:20So, because of the circles
0:11:20 > 0:11:22he mixes in, we don't want him coming after us.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25Or worse, telling one of his gangster friends
0:11:25 > 0:11:29he's been conned and offering them a better deal if they take care of us.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36So, if we do this, we need to close it off when we're done.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41- Agreed?- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Good. Then let's find a way in.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Bish bosh, job's a good 'un.
0:11:47 > 0:11:52Write the cheque, send it to Number One, Winners Street, Daddy's bringing home the bacon.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56When I said this deal was 24 carat, was I right or was I wrong? Hang on.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Talk on your own time.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06You touch that bleedin' phone again and I'll shove it up your jacksy.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08So was I right or wrong?
0:12:08 > 0:12:12No, don't just laugh and say "Yeah," Peter, actually say the words...
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Was I right or wrong?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Exactly, you get your deal sorted out before you spend your money.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Capiche?
0:12:18 > 0:12:19We're middle men not investors,
0:12:19 > 0:12:21when we get the deal, they get the deal, OK?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Now sod off and next time listen to me instead of
0:12:24 > 0:12:27that poxy business degree you wasted five years of your life on.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Shania, get your arse over here.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Me mug's empty.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Excuse me?
0:12:38 > 0:12:42What have I told you? Mug of tea, the minute I get in.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Well, he likes his movies.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54- Movies?- I hacked into his online DVD rentals account.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55He's got 27 films in three weeks.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Porn?
0:12:57 > 0:13:01- Strangely enough, no, they all look like war films.- War?- Yeah.
0:13:01 > 0:13:06- What does that say about him? - That he likes to watch people being shot and blown up.- Nice.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09If he likes war movies... What about this?
0:13:10 > 0:13:14It looks like Gadaffi was trying to ship out some of his goodies
0:13:14 > 0:13:18while the Yanks took pot shots at him and a couple of truck loads went missing.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20One of which was thought to be gold bullion.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22They think it's a rogue army unit.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24So we use this as our back story?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Why not? It fits his personality.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28It's true, so it'll check out,
0:13:28 > 0:13:31and it saves time having to set something up from scratch.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39- Hi.- How you doing?
0:14:23 > 0:14:27- There you go.- Thanks, bye.- Cheers.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39Honestly, he is so sexist, apparently every woman in flat shoes is a lesbian.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42No wonder he hasn't got a girlfriend.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Thing is, Baz, splitting up consignments
0:14:49 > 0:14:53ain't doing us any favours, we need someone who can take the lot.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56I'm seeing this German geezer later on,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58he says he can take whatever we've got.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I ain't trying to pull a fast one,
0:15:06 > 0:15:11but a troy ounce of gold was 875 quid when I woke up this morning.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Now, unless you know something I don't,
0:15:14 > 0:15:16why would I get less than that?
0:15:16 > 0:15:19We'll give you 875 for your domestic business,
0:15:19 > 0:15:25but we are aware that sometimes your sources are not always...
0:15:25 > 0:15:26legitimate?
0:15:26 > 0:15:28So, if you want to use us
0:15:28 > 0:15:31but you don't want us to ask, "Where is it coming from?"
0:15:31 > 0:15:33then we like to pay a little less, ja?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Yeah, yeah.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38So, uh...how much can you take?
0:15:38 > 0:15:41We have no upper limit.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- And payment? - What's your preference?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Cash.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50The money laundering laws are very stringent in Germany.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54- Bankers draft or direct transfers. - Agreed.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58We have a 2m euro ceiling on direct transfers.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01Looks like you've found your UK supplier.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26You see, melting down trinkets sent in by wrinklies feeling the pinch
0:16:26 > 0:16:29ain't going to build my new pool, is it, Barry? Let's be honest.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31And the dealers are squeezing all the margins, so...
0:16:31 > 0:16:34the Krauts have agreed to take whatever we can supply,
0:16:34 > 0:16:35no upper limit.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38So, bish bosh, open up the till, keep the change.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39So, when do we start, boss?
0:16:39 > 0:16:42I told him I'd send him his first shipment at the end of next week.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44There's a couple of the lads planning jobs.
0:16:44 > 0:16:49A cargo terminal at Stansted and an Arab bank in Kensington.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52But they're a few weeks away, so, if there's no hooky gold about,
0:16:52 > 0:16:54let's get a few more press ads running.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Knitting magazines, something to terrify the bingo squad,
0:16:57 > 0:17:01"Recession to bite deep, fuel prices to soar.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04"The cost of cardigans and blue rinses to go through the roof.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08"What use is your wedding ring if you can't turn the heating on?"
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Maybe do a special offer for widows!
0:17:13 > 0:17:16I like what you did there, Baz.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Yeah. And then let's start with the housewives, make 'em feel guilty
0:17:19 > 0:17:22about their kids not having the latest video games
0:17:22 > 0:17:25while they're still dripping in gold.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Do some photos of kids...crying.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- Right, get on with it! - I'm on it, boss!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Big push, Baz, OK?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Shania?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Sean, what have you got?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Well, according to his PA, he's single,
0:17:43 > 0:17:46in between girlfriends, which is his usual state,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49he's not a member of any clubs, only drinks champagne,
0:17:49 > 0:17:52preferably Bollinger, hates dogs, women in flat shoes
0:17:52 > 0:17:55and bread-and-butter pudding. And his lucky number's five.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- So...- Supports Tottenham, never goes to live matches,
0:17:58 > 0:18:01his favourite singers are Michael Buble, Shirley Bassey and Madonna.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04His favourite film is Saving Private Ryan.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Plays paintball on the weekend.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Favourite colour's gold. On the rare occasion
0:18:08 > 0:18:10he does go to a fancy dress party he goes as Auric Goldfinger,
0:18:10 > 0:18:14the bloke from the Bond film, but no-one ever knows who he is.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17Oh, and he's got a parrot named Goldie.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24- OK. Emma?- He's listed as a director of 11 companies, all gold-related,
0:18:24 > 0:18:27with a combined turnover of £3m,
0:18:27 > 0:18:30so, I think we can say he's above the poverty line.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Props? - Everything's in place, ready to go.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34And what about our bait?
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Ah, our bait...
0:18:38 > 0:18:41..looks a little something like...
0:18:43 > 0:18:45..this.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Ooh...
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Wow. Is that real?
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Oh, yes.
0:18:52 > 0:18:5332 grand's worth, give or take.
0:18:53 > 0:18:57It's rented, so it has to go back in one piece when we're done.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58That should get his attention.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Oh... He's got a four o'clock meeting out in the sticks.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Then let's bring him in.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06MUSIC BLARES
0:19:06 > 0:19:08HE SINGS TUNELESSLY
0:19:10 > 0:19:12THUD OF AN IMPACT
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Hngh...?!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- Do you want to die?- No.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35In about 15 seconds, six blokes are going to come out of the woods.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38They'll kill me first, then shoot you just for fun.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42So, get in the car and drive.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Now!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58He's in.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13They jumped me on the way back from their so-called dealers.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15It must have been a setup.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17No, no, no, I flagged a ride.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20No, he's a civilian, it's all right.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I'll be back in an hour, you just sit tight.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32OK, look, I'm sorry to drag you into this,
0:20:32 > 0:20:35but I was up shit creek and you just happened to be there.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36You saved my life.
0:20:37 > 0:20:40I owe you one.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Who was after you?
0:20:43 > 0:20:45Greedy bastards, that's who.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51But you got me out and that takes guts. You ever been in the forces?
0:20:52 > 0:20:53No. I thought about the TA once.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Oh, you should do it.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Is that what I think it was?
0:21:06 > 0:21:08What if it was?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I heard you on the phone, about the dealer.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- Am I going to have trouble with you, son?- No, no.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16The thing is, that's what I do.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17What?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I'm a gold dealer.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Yeah, yeah, course you are.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29Listen, thanks for the ride, sorry for the inconvenience.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31No! No, look, look. Here's my card.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37If you got something to sell, I can find a buyer.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01You think it worked?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Well, that's the thing about greed. It's very predictable.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Great.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Sean, can you get us into his offices tomorrow morning?
0:22:10 > 0:22:12Yeah, I'll call Shania, my new best friend.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- Look, we've got to do something about Eddie.- Yeah, I said that.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21There we go. Enjoy.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- We need to do something about Eddie. - I have an idea.- Oh, yeah?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29I'm going to call in a favour.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31PHONE RINGS
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Hello, Eddie's bar.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35- It's Ian Rush here.- 'What?'
0:22:35 > 0:22:38Do me a favour, that's pathetic. You don't even sound like him.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Hey, listen, I don't know who you are, but you can tell that lot
0:22:41 > 0:22:44that I'm not as stupid as they think I am, all right? Ya f...
0:22:47 > 0:22:49Nice try, but he didn't believe us.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53OK. Albert, Emma. See if you can work on him.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56Hey, why me? I didn't draw ears on his football hero!
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- He's got a soft spot for you. - I'm not sleeping with him just so Ash can have a fry up.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- That's your trouble, Ems. You're selfish.- Not funny.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Just tell him it was Albert. He can apologise, end of.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07- Oh, but why me?- Oh, Mickey then.
0:23:07 > 0:23:11We won't tell him it was Mickey, cos he'll make Mickey's life a misery.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- Albert, tell him it was Sean. - Hang on!- Sean, you're the youngest.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Well, if you grass me up, I'm taking you all down with me.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Aren't we forgetting something here? It is Eddie we're talking about.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Ash is right, I'm sending two premier league grifters
0:23:24 > 0:23:26to deal with one barman, it shouldn't be a contest.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- He's really stubborn, though. - You'll think of something.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37Brass may be your best bet.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39It won't be cheap but it will look the part
0:23:39 > 0:23:41once it's melted down and moulded into blocks.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Well, give us a ball park, Arnie.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- Five grand if I get it back, ten if I don't.- Done.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51OK. What about this?
0:23:56 > 0:23:59- What do you need? - A different seal on it.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Well, I'll have to melt it down so I can stamp it.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Can you do that?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06If it's made of metal, Mickey, I can do anything.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08ASH SNIGGERS
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Metal Mickey?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Never mind.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16What seal do you need on it?
0:24:17 > 0:24:19This one.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25We'll see you at 8.30.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36- I don't believe you.- It's true. - You wouldn't do that, Albert,
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- you're just protecting someone. - Eddie!
0:24:39 > 0:24:42Why ask one of us to apologise if, when we do, you don't believe us?
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- You're just taking me for a mug. - No, we're not.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46What about the fella you got to phone up?
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- The one pretending to be Ian Rush? - No, it actually was Ian Rush.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53- You're doing it again, treating me like an idiot.- You're impossible!
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- And you're barred. - What if I slept with you?
0:24:55 > 0:24:56- No.- What?!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00- Sorry, I panicked just then, I meant to say yeah.- Eddie!
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Listen, I know he did it and until he comes here in person,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06apologises and says in front of witnesses that Liverpool FC
0:25:06 > 0:25:10are better than West Ham, then you're staying barred.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15It's not happening. I mean, the flaming cheek of it, and I never did it.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19- He's convinced it was you and there's no persuading him otherwise. - Come on, Ash, man up.
0:25:19 > 0:25:20Take one for the team.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21No.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24- It takes 20 seconds, how hard can it be?- I ain't done it.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28- You are as stubborn as each other. - I didn't do anything!
0:25:28 > 0:25:32- Think of Eddie's breakfast. - Yeah, he's finally got his fried bread right.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Crunchy crust, a bit soggy in the middle.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36No.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I'd rather starve.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54Thanks.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57His diary's full but he's got a gap in ten minutes...
0:25:57 > 0:25:58Right.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Morning.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00We set?
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Yeah, if you lose it, I'm stopping it out your wages.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Wish me luck.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19You gave this to a friend of mine yesterday.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# Oh, it feels so good
0:26:29 > 0:26:35# To have you by my side on a Sunday morning
0:26:35 > 0:26:39# Let's work together, baby, yeah. #
0:26:39 > 0:26:44Shania! Get yourself a cup of tea, love.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51You were kind enough to give him a lift.
0:26:51 > 0:26:53So what's on your mind?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Oh, I think you know why I'm here.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Why don't you spell it out for me?
0:26:58 > 0:27:02We have some merchandise. We're having trouble finding a buyer.
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- Yeah, so I heard. - That doesn't mean you won't have to pay a decent price.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09You'll have to let the dog see the rabbit first.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- Libyan?- Problem?
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Not for me.
0:27:32 > 0:27:33So you're interested, then?
0:27:33 > 0:27:38It's what I do. I'm a middle man.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43I find two parties, each wanting something the other has,
0:27:43 > 0:27:46and no way of coming together...
0:27:46 > 0:27:49So, really, I'm a facilitator.
0:27:51 > 0:27:54The bottom line is, I can find a buyer for that with one phone call.
0:27:54 > 0:28:00- Good.- As long as you and your boyfriend understand three things.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02I'm assuming he is your boyfriend?
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Yes, he is.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07That's what I thought.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10- Where was I?- Three things?
0:28:10 > 0:28:14Yeah, right. I'm not a mug, apart from the Libyan stamp,
0:28:14 > 0:28:18all that drama yesterday tells me it's obviously nicked, and, er...
0:28:21 > 0:28:24I read the newspapers like everybody else...
0:28:24 > 0:28:26I know where this has come from,
0:28:26 > 0:28:28so the price I pay will have to reflect that.
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Second.
0:28:30 > 0:28:35My commission for negotiating this deal is 20% at your end,
0:28:35 > 0:28:37non-negotiable.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39And third?
0:28:39 > 0:28:42If you so much as think about turning me over,
0:28:42 > 0:28:44I know people who can track you down and hurt you
0:28:44 > 0:28:47so much you'll be begging them to finish you off.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49I'll pass it on.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Once we've agreed a price, just let us know where they need to go.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59You mean there's more than one?
0:28:59 > 0:29:00Yes.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04So... how many we talking about exactly?
0:29:04 > 0:29:05A hundred.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10A hundred! All the same as that one?
0:29:13 > 0:29:15You mean you've got the whole lot?
0:29:15 > 0:29:17You trying to tell me it was you...
0:29:17 > 0:29:20If this is too big for you...
0:29:20 > 0:29:26Oh, no... It might take more than one phone call that's all...
0:29:26 > 0:29:28- Can I see them?- I don't know.
0:29:28 > 0:29:33My contacts don't like being pissed about. If I don't see the goods, I don't pick up the phone.
0:29:35 > 0:29:36It's your choice.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42The place where you dropped our mutual friend,
0:29:42 > 0:29:44two o'clock this afternoon.
0:29:57 > 0:29:59Holy shit.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01I think we have a nibble.
0:30:01 > 0:30:02Shania!
0:30:04 > 0:30:08Get Heinz Zimmerman on the phone. Then put the kettle on.
0:30:13 > 0:30:15Will it stand up?
0:30:15 > 0:30:17To what?
0:30:17 > 0:30:20- Inspection.- 100%.- Good.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22As long as you don't get within six feet.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25This aint chicken feed, Heinz,
0:30:25 > 0:30:28we're talking 100 kilos of 24 carat, this is a serious shipment.
0:30:28 > 0:30:30When's it ready?
0:30:30 > 0:30:33Well, we'll need to melt it down and restamp, but I can...
0:30:33 > 0:30:36I can do the paperwork... the question is can you handle it?
0:30:36 > 0:30:39You talk the talk buddy, it's time to walk the walk.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41There's three mill's worth here, are you in or are you out?
0:30:41 > 0:30:44'OK we have a deal, I'll be there.'
0:30:44 > 0:30:45Good call, be in touch.
0:30:49 > 0:30:50# Yo, mic check, mic check
0:30:50 > 0:30:55# Yeah here you go Nah, here, over here
0:30:55 > 0:30:56# Yeah, I heard he got that hot new thing
0:30:56 > 0:31:00# Oh-la-la-la. Yeah oh, yeah, yeah Turn it over. #
0:31:13 > 0:31:14All right, babes?
0:31:14 > 0:31:17Don't move or I'm gonna blow your brains out, do you hear me?
0:31:38 > 0:31:41Eddie's isn't the only bar in London.
0:31:41 > 0:31:43Maybe we should just find somewhere else?
0:31:43 > 0:31:46No, no, we'll find a way to sort it.
0:31:56 > 0:32:01Sorry about that, but we can't disclose our location.
0:32:02 > 0:32:05The British army have sent a special ops unit to find us.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Oh, well, fair enough then!
0:32:12 > 0:32:16Oh, don't mind him. He's just not the trusting type.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19You all right then?
0:32:21 > 0:32:23So, you think you can get us a deal?
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Yes, I do.
0:32:25 > 0:32:28But it won't be easy, as I told your lady friend here.
0:32:28 > 0:32:32- How much?- Well, that's hard to say.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34- What was I telling you?- Relax.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38There's 100 bars.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40I looked it up, they're worth about 30 grand each.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43If you buy 'em from the Bank of England, yeah, maybe...
0:32:43 > 0:32:46But you won't get anything near that, not for a shipment like this.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50You can't move gold on without paperwork. You need to, er,
0:32:50 > 0:32:54melt it down, give it a new identity, feed it back into the system.
0:32:54 > 0:32:57That takes time and money.
0:32:57 > 0:33:00You talking to us about it not being easy?
0:33:00 > 0:33:05Three months ago, we'd just done a black ops stint in Libya,
0:33:05 > 0:33:08dodging yank cruise missiles and Apache gun ships,
0:33:08 > 0:33:12smuggling rebel supporters out of Tripoli before Gaddafi got to them.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Gaddafi got his secret police to move his stash of goodies
0:33:15 > 0:33:17before the rebels arrived.
0:33:17 > 0:33:21Artwork, cash... Gold.
0:33:21 > 0:33:24He died, we caught the gold truck on the road out of Tripoli.
0:33:24 > 0:33:27And we...relieved them of it.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30Now we have not fought our way across half of Africa,
0:33:30 > 0:33:35carrying 100 kilos in gold bars and then smuggled them into the UK,
0:33:35 > 0:33:38just so some smarmy scumbag civilian can try to rip us off.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40do you get me?
0:33:40 > 0:33:41Back off, Corporal.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45HE LAUGHS
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Yes, sir.
0:33:47 > 0:33:50HE CONTINUES LAUGHING
0:33:53 > 0:33:54How much?
0:33:54 > 0:34:00I can get you half a million, transferred into any account, anywhere in the world in 20 seconds.
0:34:00 > 0:34:04- I'd rather shoot him where he stands.- You want to spend another two weeks in here!?
0:34:04 > 0:34:06We've been screwed over twice now.
0:34:06 > 0:34:10- You won't get a better price, I guarantee it.- He's playing us.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14Half a million pounds is a lot of money.
0:34:14 > 0:34:18What about half a million, but no commission?
0:34:18 > 0:34:24- You make what you can when you move it on.- Commission is non-negotiable. - Yeah? I say we negotiate.
0:34:24 > 0:34:26All right! OK!
0:34:26 > 0:34:30- Forget the commission. Heart of gold, that's my trouble.- When?
0:34:37 > 0:34:39I need to verify the shipment first.
0:34:52 > 0:34:55I mean a sample, check the purity.
0:35:11 > 0:35:13What else?
0:35:13 > 0:35:16Well, if it all checks out, I can get this done in 24 hours. Bish bosh!
0:35:26 > 0:35:2724 hours.
0:35:48 > 0:35:49Well?
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Bloody hell, boss.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54- It's top end, 24 carat.- And?
0:35:54 > 0:35:57Well, it's Libyan government seal, it's about as kosher as it gets.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59What's it worth?
0:35:59 > 0:36:06Gold price this morning was up a bit, so... Just about £33,500?
0:36:06 > 0:36:08So 100 bars...?
0:36:11 > 0:36:14Three million, three hundred thousand, and change.
0:36:16 > 0:36:17Hmm.
0:36:24 > 0:36:26- Grub's up.- Great!
0:36:28 > 0:36:32The mark just called, everything's set up for tomorrow. We're just running through a few things.
0:36:32 > 0:36:38- Oh, right. Er, two cod, Albert. - Thank you.- And one for Mickey.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41Pie for me, haddock for Ems...
0:36:42 > 0:36:46- ..And a saveloy for Sean.- Saveloy!
0:36:46 > 0:36:48So, when did he phone?
0:36:48 > 0:36:49About 20 minutes ago.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52It'll be a pleasure to take his money.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55If this works, Albert was thinking of giving some money to Vivienne,
0:36:55 > 0:36:59- you know, maybe send her on a cruise or something.- Great idea.
0:36:59 > 0:37:02- Don't forget, we've still got to sort Eddie out as well.- Yes, we do.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05I'm not apologising for something I didn't do.
0:37:05 > 0:37:09- No, of course not, no-one would expect you to.- Sean had an idea.
0:37:09 > 0:37:12Mm, I mean, he wouldn't believe me that it was Albert,
0:37:12 > 0:37:15but I reckon, if I try hard enough, I can convince him it was me.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17What, you'd hold your hand up?
0:37:17 > 0:37:21Yeah, if that's what it takes to fix it then that's what I have to do.
0:37:21 > 0:37:23Well, I think that's brilliant, Sean.
0:37:23 > 0:37:27- Yeah. Yeah, it is.- Only thing is, I'm not sure what to say to him.
0:37:27 > 0:37:30- Just say sorry for scribbling on his photo.- Yeah, fine.
0:37:30 > 0:37:34No, no, no, no, it was more than that, it was Ian Rush.
0:37:34 > 0:37:38He's football royalty for Scousers. No, you've got to say something like, erm...
0:37:38 > 0:37:43I'm sorry for defacing the photograph of the greatest footballer who ever lived.
0:37:43 > 0:37:44Sounds a bit over the top.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47Yeah, well he's obsessed, I'm telling you.
0:37:47 > 0:37:52What about the other thing, though? That he wants us to say that Liverpool is better than West Ham?
0:37:52 > 0:37:53No, no, that was just for Ash.
0:37:53 > 0:37:55I don't even support West Ham.
0:37:55 > 0:38:00- They were relegated!- Oi, they weren't relegated in that way.
0:38:00 > 0:38:05- So how many ways are there? - That's what a lot of people think, you see, that West Ham went down
0:38:05 > 0:38:07because they weren't any good, but that's not true.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10No, no, we just went in the Championship for a rest, right?
0:38:10 > 0:38:15To take a break before we launched our next assault on the Premiership.
0:38:15 > 0:38:19- So should I say it or not? - Well, Eddie is stubborn remember.
0:38:19 > 0:38:24- Just tell him that Liverpool are the greatest team on the planet.- Yes, he would definitely go for that.
0:38:24 > 0:38:29- And when he's gone for that and shaken hands, give him a message from Ash.- Yeah? What's that?
0:38:29 > 0:38:34- Liverpool play like girls and West Ham are the only proper team in Europe.- That's not going to help.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36It is true, honestly.
0:38:36 > 0:38:41All right... Sean, it is very kind of you to do this,
0:38:41 > 0:38:43but let's move on.
0:38:43 > 0:38:47Tomorrow, at nine, Emma sets up the mark. Ash, make sure the bars are in place.
0:38:47 > 0:38:52And remember, we need to make sure this guy believes that this is just a deal that's gone wrong,
0:38:52 > 0:38:54not that he's been conned. OK?
0:38:54 > 0:38:58So Albert and I will work out a way of blowing him out clean.
0:39:01 > 0:39:04Meet you at my car. I'll see you there.
0:39:32 > 0:39:35You all right?
0:39:41 > 0:39:42Well?
0:39:44 > 0:39:46I assume it all checked out.
0:39:46 > 0:39:47Good as gold.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49So we have a deal?
0:39:49 > 0:39:51When and where?
0:39:51 > 0:39:53Under the motorway, same as last time.
0:39:54 > 0:39:56One hour.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- You'd better get on to your buyer. - All right.
0:40:04 > 0:40:06Shania!
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Get Heinz on the phone. Now!
0:40:11 > 0:40:13PHONE RINGS
0:40:13 > 0:40:16Heinz! Happy days, we're on.
0:40:16 > 0:40:20Barry will bring you to the meeting point, stick behind us in my car.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22- I'll be there. - Bring your cheque book.
0:40:42 > 0:40:43All right?
0:40:48 > 0:40:51- You ready?- Oh, yeah. - Well, let's get on with it then.
0:40:51 > 0:40:55Unless you want a 50-strong special ops unit dropping in to spoil the party.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04He's setting us up!
0:41:04 > 0:41:07Whoa! Whoa! No! No, they're with me!
0:41:07 > 0:41:09No! It's all right! It's all good!
0:41:09 > 0:41:12It's good as gold. No, see, they're with me.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15That's my lad, Barry.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18He's brought my buyer. See, I'm the middle man, he's the buyer.
0:41:18 > 0:41:21He pays me, I pay you, that's how it works. OK?
0:41:30 > 0:41:32- What do you need?- See the gold.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34Er, we need to see the goods.
0:41:35 > 0:41:37Sir?
0:41:44 > 0:41:46You'll like this, Heinz.
0:41:48 > 0:41:49I verified the gold.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01See? Everyone's happy!
0:42:02 > 0:42:04It's all good.
0:42:04 > 0:42:06it's just business, that's all.
0:42:06 > 0:42:09Freeze! Yo, back up! Tell him to back up!
0:42:09 > 0:42:13It's OK! I'm going to pay you now.
0:43:00 > 0:43:02HE CHUCKLES
0:43:03 > 0:43:06RUMBLING SOUND
0:43:32 > 0:43:34They're on to us!
0:44:00 > 0:44:03You nearly got us bloody killed.
0:44:03 > 0:44:06I hope our next delivery is not quite so eventful.
0:44:06 > 0:44:09Yeah, sorry about that, Heinz. But all's well and all that, yeah?
0:44:09 > 0:44:10Chin up!
0:44:10 > 0:44:12Auf wiedersehen!
0:44:13 > 0:44:17- Right. Get back to the office, see how them ads are doing. - Can't I come back with you?
0:44:17 > 0:44:20No you can't, I've got things to do. Look, there's a bus stop over there.
0:44:30 > 0:44:32Sorry, sir. Closed.
0:44:32 > 0:44:36What do you mean it's closed? It's one o'clock!
0:44:36 > 0:44:41- I've got a bankers' draft to cash. - The bank ceased trading at 11.30 this morning, sir.- What!?
0:44:41 > 0:44:46I'm not sure of the details, sir, but the bank's assets have been seized and all trading suspended.
0:44:46 > 0:44:48But... But... I've got a...
0:44:48 > 0:44:50I've got a bankers draft!
0:44:50 > 0:44:54Here! Look! It's a bank draft!
0:44:54 > 0:44:56See! They have to pay it!
0:44:56 > 0:44:59Like I said, I'm sorry, sir, but all trading has been suspended.
0:45:07 > 0:45:11- Bankers draft or direct transfers. - Agreed.
0:45:11 > 0:45:13Looks like you've found your UK supplier.
0:45:15 > 0:45:20- Good.- A friend got two tickets for the archery, he was hacked off - he didn't know they did archery there.
0:45:20 > 0:45:24- He said it would've been all right, though.- Excuse me for just a moment.
0:45:24 > 0:45:26- Sure.- Sorry.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28You talked the talk, it's time to walk the walk.
0:45:28 > 0:45:33- There's three mill's worth here, are you in or are you out? - OK, we have a deal.
0:45:33 > 0:45:34I'll take them all.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36Good call. Be in touch.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39I can do the paperwork, but can you handle it?
0:45:39 > 0:45:42You've talked the talk, it's time to walk the walk.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44There's three mill's worth here, are you in or out?
0:45:45 > 0:45:48OK, we have a deal.
0:45:48 > 0:45:51- I'll take them all.- Good call.
0:45:51 > 0:45:53Be in touch.
0:45:53 > 0:45:56As brilliant as ever you were.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00Thank you, Paul.
0:46:00 > 0:46:02Shania!
0:46:02 > 0:46:05Get Heinz on the phone. Now!
0:46:08 > 0:46:09PHONE RINGS
0:46:09 > 0:46:11Mm-hmm.
0:46:11 > 0:46:13'Heinz! Happy days!
0:46:13 > 0:46:14'We're on!'
0:46:14 > 0:46:16I'll be there.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29It's all good. See? Everyone's happy!
0:46:52 > 0:46:54I'd better get this melted back down.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56Ah, but... Not this one.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58You, eh... you sure that's the right one?
0:47:00 > 0:47:01Thank you.
0:47:01 > 0:47:02For you guys, any time.
0:47:02 > 0:47:05I knew you were good but getting the army onside?
0:47:05 > 0:47:06How did that work?
0:47:08 > 0:47:10Can I ask why you're selling?
0:47:10 > 0:47:13There's an army base half a mile away,
0:47:13 > 0:47:15they're meant to do their manoeuvres in the next field.
0:47:15 > 0:47:18But they keep getting lost and ending up on my farm.
0:47:18 > 0:47:21Every Tuesday and Saturday at noon. Just like clockwork.
0:47:21 > 0:47:22ALARM BLEEPS
0:47:28 > 0:47:29Trade secret.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31We could tell you but we'd have to kill you.
0:47:31 > 0:47:33Fair enough.
0:47:38 > 0:47:40We had to change the seal but it's all there.
0:47:52 > 0:47:55- It's done.- All right? - Let's get rid of Heinz's phone.
0:47:55 > 0:47:56Hi. This is for you.
0:48:01 > 0:48:04PHONE RINGS
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Hello?
0:48:06 > 0:48:08Your cheque's no good! You nicked my gold!
0:48:09 > 0:48:11Who is that?
0:48:11 > 0:48:13It's Norman.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15'Cock-a-doodle-doo.'
0:48:17 > 0:48:18'Hello?'
0:48:19 > 0:48:20'Hello?'
0:48:20 > 0:48:21'Hello!'
0:48:22 > 0:48:23'Hello?!'
0:48:34 > 0:48:35So Eddie's all sorted?
0:48:35 > 0:48:37Like it never happened.
0:48:37 > 0:48:41So what, you apologised, bigged up Liverpool and he swallowed it?
0:48:41 > 0:48:43Yeah.
0:48:43 > 0:48:44He didn't mention my name?
0:48:44 > 0:48:47Let's just say it's forgotten.
0:48:47 > 0:48:49Just like that?
0:48:49 > 0:48:52I had to use charm, talk him round. But yeah, he's sweet.
0:48:52 > 0:48:53So we can go back in?
0:48:53 > 0:48:56- Whenever we like.- Well done, Sean.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58- Absolutely.- Thank you.
0:49:01 > 0:49:02WOMAN SOBS
0:49:04 > 0:49:06So what did you say to him exactly?
0:49:06 > 0:49:08Well...
0:49:08 > 0:49:11- It was Ash.- Knew it!
0:49:11 > 0:49:13So where is he then?
0:49:13 > 0:49:15Come on, you know him. He's a proud man.
0:49:15 > 0:49:17- I want an apology. - And he wants to apologise.
0:49:17 > 0:49:20He just can't bring himself to do it face-to-face.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23So he gave me this.
0:49:33 > 0:49:34'A message from Ash.
0:49:34 > 0:49:36'I'm sorry for defacing the photograph
0:49:36 > 0:49:40'of the greatest footballer who ever lived. Ian Rush.'
0:49:40 > 0:49:44Many people think West Ham went down cos they weren't any good but that's not true.
0:49:44 > 0:49:47No, no. We just went into the Championship for a rest, right,
0:49:47 > 0:49:52to take a break before we launched our next assault on the Premiership.
0:49:54 > 0:49:56So should I say it or not?
0:49:56 > 0:49:58Tell him Liverpool are the best team on the planet.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00He would definitely go for that.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03After that and you've shaken hands, give him a message.
0:50:03 > 0:50:04Yeah? What's that?
0:50:04 > 0:50:08Liverpool play like girls and West Ham are the only proper team in Europe.
0:50:12 > 0:50:15'Liverpool are the only proper team in Europe.'
0:50:15 > 0:50:16(Brilliant!)
0:50:16 > 0:50:20'Let's be honest. West Ham went down because they weren't good enough.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22'Liverpool are the best team on the planet.
0:50:22 > 0:50:24'West Ham play like a load of girls
0:50:24 > 0:50:27'and Liverpool are the only proper team in Europe.'
0:50:28 > 0:50:29So we're good?
0:50:29 > 0:50:31Come here.
0:50:33 > 0:50:36I pretty much told him exactly what you told me to.
0:50:36 > 0:50:39I mean, I might not have got it word for word, but you know.
0:50:39 > 0:50:41- But you gave him the gist? - Oh, yeah.- Yeah, yeah.
0:50:45 > 0:50:46That is a very happy lady.
0:50:46 > 0:50:48So what did you tell her?
0:50:48 > 0:50:52I told her I was an ombudsman and she'd just been awarded damages.
0:50:52 > 0:50:54A very sweet thing for you to do.
0:50:54 > 0:50:56- Well, thank you all for your help. - Any time.
0:50:56 > 0:50:59And the good news is, we can go back to Eddie's.
0:50:59 > 0:51:02- Oh? - Yeah, Sean did the business.
0:51:02 > 0:51:05Well, what are we waiting for?
0:51:07 > 0:51:10Guys! Good to see you, come on in.
0:51:10 > 0:51:13- So we're OK?- Eh?
0:51:13 > 0:51:14All forgotten, not another word.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17Bottle of bubbly on ice, waiting for you. On the house.
0:51:17 > 0:51:18Thank you, Eddie!
0:51:18 > 0:51:20- Cheers, Eddie.- It's OK.
0:51:21 > 0:51:22Oh.
0:51:25 > 0:51:26All right, Ed?
0:51:30 > 0:51:33You're a top man, Ash, you know that?
0:51:35 > 0:51:37It's not easy admitting you're wrong.
0:51:38 > 0:51:40No, no, it can't have been.
0:51:40 > 0:51:43- Takes a big man to step up to the plate.- Yes, it does.
0:51:44 > 0:51:46Any chance of you letting go now?
0:51:46 > 0:51:48Sorry.
0:51:49 > 0:51:52Look, I know you don't like any fuss
0:51:52 > 0:51:54but I just want you to know, that...
0:51:54 > 0:51:56I respect you...as a man.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00And I respect you too, Ed.
0:52:00 > 0:52:02As a man.
0:52:02 > 0:52:04I know you do. I know you do.
0:52:04 > 0:52:08- So that's it then, yeah, water under the bridge, not another word?- Right.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Right.
0:52:14 > 0:52:16Right, shall we open the bottle, or?
0:52:16 > 0:52:17Yes, yes.
0:52:17 > 0:52:19- MICKEY LAUGHS - OK, now.
0:52:19 > 0:52:24This...is to a golden future.
0:52:34 > 0:52:36Bet you never thought you'd see me again.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Back off, corporal.
0:52:38 > 0:52:40No, we didn't.
0:52:40 > 0:52:43Only when you were taking me into the barn, I heard you talking.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45Eddie's isn't the only bar in London.
0:52:47 > 0:52:49Maybe we should just find somewhere else.
0:52:49 > 0:52:51No, no, we'll find a way to sort it.
0:52:53 > 0:52:55It was a bit of a long shot, but...
0:52:56 > 0:53:00Tell you the truth, I thought you'd be long gone by now.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03The thing is...
0:53:04 > 0:53:08..that half a million quid broke me and someone's got to pay.
0:53:10 > 0:53:14So...what do you have in mind?
0:53:14 > 0:53:15ASH: Relax.
0:53:19 > 0:53:22Look, I haven't got any beef with you guys.
0:53:23 > 0:53:24Sorry?
0:53:24 > 0:53:28OK, you got my money, but that was business. I understand that.
0:53:28 > 0:53:31I got the gold, I gave it to Heinz, I took a hit.
0:53:33 > 0:53:36You kept to your end of the bargain, I've got no complaints about that.
0:53:38 > 0:53:41But that Kraut cheated me!
0:53:42 > 0:53:46He took my gold and he gave me a dodgy cheque, now I can't find him.
0:53:47 > 0:53:49His office number's unavailable
0:53:49 > 0:53:51and some nutcase has nicked his mobile.
0:53:58 > 0:53:5950 grand.
0:54:06 > 0:54:09Now, I know you lot were Black Ops in the army,
0:54:09 > 0:54:12so I thought who better to help me out.
0:54:13 > 0:54:14Black Ops?
0:54:14 > 0:54:17It's OK. I know you can't talk about it.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20But I know how it works.
0:54:20 > 0:54:22I know what you do.
0:54:22 > 0:54:23What's that, then?
0:54:25 > 0:54:28You get dropped behind enemy lines to take people out.
0:54:28 > 0:54:32Well, that's what I want you to do to the German.
0:54:32 > 0:54:34I want you to track him down for me.
0:54:34 > 0:54:37His name is Heinz Zimmerman.
0:54:37 > 0:54:38I want you to find him,
0:54:38 > 0:54:41and I want you to... take care of him for me.
0:54:41 > 0:54:43- "Take care of him?" - You know what I mean.
0:54:43 > 0:54:45Oh, yeah. Take care of him.
0:54:46 > 0:54:49There's 50 grand there, there'll be the same again
0:54:49 > 0:54:51when you bring him to me.
0:54:52 > 0:54:57Or show me a photo... of his cold, dead body.
0:55:06 > 0:55:07Do we have a deal?
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Let me get this straight.
0:55:10 > 0:55:15If we find this Heinz Zimmerman, take care of him,
0:55:15 > 0:55:19and show you a photo of that, you'll give us another 50 thousand?
0:55:21 > 0:55:23That's right.
0:55:29 > 0:55:31Then you've got a deal.
0:55:34 > 0:55:36You know where to find me.
0:55:46 > 0:55:48Did that just happen?
0:55:50 > 0:55:54- Yes, it did.- I thought we were in trouble for a minute.
0:55:54 > 0:55:57Not to worry, I'm on it.
0:56:12 > 0:56:13Wait a minute.
0:56:16 > 0:56:18Ugh, did you have to put ketchup on this shirt?
0:56:18 > 0:56:22- With five grand, you can buy a new shirt.- You have to look the part.
0:56:22 > 0:56:23Or dead to be precise.
0:56:25 > 0:56:27OK, now, that. No. Hold that, hold that.
0:56:27 > 0:56:29That's fantastic.
0:56:29 > 0:56:31I really missed you lot, you know.
0:56:31 > 0:56:33Yeah, well, we missed you too, Ed.
0:56:33 > 0:56:36- Did you? - Yeah. Just don't hug me again.
0:56:37 > 0:56:39Here's to West Ham.
0:56:39 > 0:56:41Oh, cheers.
0:56:45 > 0:56:48Hang on a minute, you're supposed to say, "Here's to Liverpool."
0:56:49 > 0:56:50What for?
0:56:52 > 0:56:54Well, that's not very nice, is it?
0:56:54 > 0:56:57What's the point in apologising if you behave like that?
0:56:57 > 0:56:59But Sean apologised, I didn't.
0:56:59 > 0:57:02- Yes, you did. - No, I didn't do anything.
0:57:02 > 0:57:03What about the CD?
0:57:05 > 0:57:06What CD?
0:57:10 > 0:57:11'Message from Ash.
0:57:11 > 0:57:13'I'm sorry for defacing the photograph
0:57:13 > 0:57:16'of the greatest footballer who ever lived. Ian Rush.'
0:57:16 > 0:57:17Ash...
0:57:17 > 0:57:19This...
0:57:19 > 0:57:21this can be easily explained.
0:57:22 > 0:57:24How about two dead bodies for the price of one.
0:57:26 > 0:57:27Only one of 'em will be real...
0:57:28 > 0:57:30..cos I'm going to kill you.
0:57:30 > 0:57:31- Ash.- Sean, just run.
0:57:31 > 0:57:34Don't just stand there! Help me!
0:57:34 > 0:57:37Ash, don't make me do something I'm going to regret!
0:57:37 > 0:57:38Argh!
0:57:38 > 0:57:41That's pretty tight. That's pretty tight! Ash!
0:58:02 > 0:58:05Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:05 > 0:58:08E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk