0:00:02 > 0:00:04You know, one of the downsides to a life of crime
0:00:04 > 0:00:09is that occasionally you have to do business with people who are, um...
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Well, for want of a better word, criminals.
0:00:15 > 0:00:19Like most things that end with you hanging upside down
0:00:19 > 0:00:21in a deserted warehouse,
0:00:21 > 0:00:25it started with a really good idea.
0:00:25 > 0:00:29"A Small Cat In The Garden was painted by Pablo Picasso in 1903,
0:00:29 > 0:00:31"in what was known as his Blue Period.
0:00:31 > 0:00:35"It measures 12 inches by 11 inches and was stolen from a private collection
0:00:35 > 0:00:37"in the early hours of Sunday morning."
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Mmmm... Value?
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- It's been insured for three million. - Wow.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44"Police say the gang was clearly experienced and well informed."
0:00:44 > 0:00:47- Meaning it was stolen to order. - No question.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51- Is Mad Dolly still around? - My thoughts exactly.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55- Who?- Dolly Hammond, she's the best Picasso forger in London.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- She's all right, but she's just a bit....- She's...unique.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01- Yeah, she's a bit different, you know.- Insane.- Yeah. Nice.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04She's a lovely old bird really, but, erm...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06she used to have the hots for Albie.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Why would we need someone to forge a painting that's already been stolen?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Well, because now its theft has already been reported...
0:01:12 > 0:01:16Collectors will believe you if you tell 'em you're trying to sell it.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18It's brilliant!
0:01:18 > 0:01:20- Yes, it is.- Yes, it is.- As always.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Well, potentially brilliant.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Depending on who you try and sell the fake to.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28And here's a little tip
0:01:28 > 0:01:32should you ever find yourself trying to flog a fake Picasso...
0:01:37 > 0:01:38Don't try and sell it to the bloke
0:01:38 > 0:01:41who the original was nicked from in the first place.
0:01:47 > 0:01:52Aye-aye. Here come the cavalry.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53Ash!
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Gently, Sean, gently!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Oooh...
0:02:13 > 0:02:18- Where's Mickey?- They pulled a gun on us. Petre Sava's men have taken him.- What happened?
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Well, it's a very long story, but the upshot is the original was nicked from him in the first place.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25He wasn't happy at us telling him it was us who nicked it,
0:02:25 > 0:02:31and then trying to sell him a fake back instead of the real thing.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40This is NOT Picasso!
0:02:40 > 0:02:42This is not my painting!
0:02:42 > 0:02:46So Petre Sava is holding on to Mickey till we deliver the real Picasso back to him.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50- We haven't got the real one. - No, I did mention that, and we argued for a bit,
0:02:50 > 0:02:54then he threatened a level of physical violence I wasn't comfortable with, so I backed down.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57He's given us six hours to find it.
0:03:16 > 0:03:22- So what happens if we can't find the real painting?- Oh, he was very specific about that.
0:03:22 > 0:03:23Mickey's a dead man.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- So no-one's got anything? But that's impossible. - Well, it's not a local crew.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01- Someone would know if it was. - By now the real painting could've been shipped out of the country.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06- But it's weird that no-one's heard anything.- Or if they have, they don't want to share it.
0:05:06 > 0:05:12- What about that Dolly the forger? If she's a Picasso freak, she might have heard something.- I suppose...
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's worth a try. - Let's do it.
0:05:15 > 0:05:22Can't find a decent thief these days, they're all gangsters, they've got no class.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26- Not like you Albert. - Thank you, Dolly.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I'd string 'em all up. By the testicles.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Leave them there for the crows to pick at.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38Feed what's left to the pigs, like we used to.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40So you've no idea who stole the Picasso, Dolly?
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- What Picasso? - A Small Cat In The Garden.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46You've had your copy, I've already done it.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47No, no, I'm talking about the real one.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50He's cute.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- Dolly, the painting, have you any idea who nicked it? - How would I know that?
0:05:55 > 0:06:01- Has no-one said anything to you? - Who?- Anyone.- Said what?- About the painting.- What painting?
0:06:01 > 0:06:07- The Picasso.- I don't know who nicked it.- Well, that's what I'm asking, innit?- I've told you. Who are you?
0:06:07 > 0:06:08Oh... I'm Emma.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10What are you doing in my house?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13I'm with Albert.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15This your floozy, is it?
0:06:15 > 0:06:19No, no, no, no. You're the only woman for me, Dolly.
0:06:19 > 0:06:25- Ohhh! Aah...unlucky. - Dolly, do you know anything at all about the painting?
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Anything that might help us find out who nicked it?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31I mean, was there someone who really liked it? A private collector?
0:06:31 > 0:06:39- Or did someone try and buy it before and failed? Anything.- I know where every Picasso in London is.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43I can smell them.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Except this one.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53- Dolly, look, is there any way you can track it down, you know?- I mean, what's the word on the street?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Do I look like Huggy Bear?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Dolly! We need to find it.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01I'll see what I can do, if...
0:07:01 > 0:07:04..he sings to me,
0:07:04 > 0:07:06and he snogs me.
0:07:07 > 0:07:12# Hello Dolly, well, Hello Dolly
0:07:12 > 0:07:16# It's so nice to have you back where you belong! #
0:07:16 > 0:07:19SHE LAUGHS
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Oh...
0:07:23 > 0:07:24HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:07:24 > 0:07:26No.
0:07:26 > 0:07:32- Forget it. It's...it's not happening.- Sean, think about Mickey.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- (Forget Mickey.)- (Do it.) - I don't want to...- Do it.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Don't want to!- Sean...
0:07:49 > 0:07:53HE WHIMPERS
0:07:58 > 0:08:00Naughty!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03SHE CHUCKLES
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Well?
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Erm...well, I should know in a couple of hours.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Send him.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30THUMP
0:08:33 > 0:08:34THUMP
0:08:36 > 0:08:39CAR ALARM
0:08:47 > 0:08:48HE SIGHS
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Now, just in case Dolly draws a blank, we'd better cover all the angles.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Albert, use your police contacts, see if they've got any leads
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- on the robbery or any idea who it was.- Right.
0:08:58 > 0:09:03- Sean, take the car. See what else you can find out about Petre Sava.- OK.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- What about us?- You and me will go and see Cyclops.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10Now, art's not really his thing, but he might have heard something.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22I've got The Dogs Playing Snooker, if that's any good to you?
0:09:22 > 0:09:24It's a classic.
0:09:24 > 0:09:28I used to have The Bird On The Tennis Court Scratching Her Bum,
0:09:28 > 0:09:32but it got stiletto damage in a domestic dispute.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- Well, women don't really get art, do they?- Is that right?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Yeah, well-known fact.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40They've got no patience for it.
0:09:40 > 0:09:45That's why all the major artists are all men. Women would never be able to finish anything.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47They'd be halfway through The Laughing Cavalier,
0:09:47 > 0:09:51then they'd wander off and start colour-coding their shoe cupboard.
0:09:51 > 0:09:56- Look, can we get back to the matter in hand?- Which was?- A Small Cat In The Garden. The stolen Picasso.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- Oh, yeah.- So who nicked it?
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- Art's not really my thing. - I said that, didn't I?- Yeah.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02- But I heard about it.- What?
0:10:02 > 0:10:07- I said I heard about it.- No... No, no, what did you hear?
0:10:08 > 0:10:12- That it was nicked. You want a chip?- No. Thank you.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- Any chance of a date?- None.
0:10:15 > 0:10:20- Sympathy shag? Think of it as charity work, it's been a while. - Look, Cyclops, Mickey's in trouble.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Whatever you know, you need to tell me.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- We haven't haggled yet. - What? You're going to charge us?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29'Scuse me. This is still a capitalist society.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33- I thought Mickey was your mate. - Well, he's more of an acquaintance, really.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36But that said, I'm willing to make a discount.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38How much?
0:10:38 > 0:10:39Call it a nifty.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46OK.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49I can't tell if these things are related,
0:10:49 > 0:10:51but the day before the Picasso was nicked,
0:10:51 > 0:10:52a hardcore jock crew flew in.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Scottish?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58The McCrary brothers. They took over a house in Westbridge Grove.
0:10:58 > 0:11:03Now, all I know about 'em is that they nick to order,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05anything you like, usually upmarket.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Paintings, cars, antiques...
0:11:07 > 0:11:10I mean they could be here for something else, but...
0:11:11 > 0:11:14It's worth asking the question, innit?
0:11:25 > 0:11:29- OK. What do you think? - Well, we could knock on the door, say "Och, aye, the noo,"
0:11:29 > 0:11:33- and ask 'em if they've just nicked a Picasso.- It's direct. But as we don't know who they are,
0:11:33 > 0:11:38- I think it's a little bit foolhardy. - Yeah, I know, that's what I like about it.
0:11:38 > 0:11:39- Ash? - DOOR BUZZER
0:11:39 > 0:11:44- 'Who is it?'- It's Ash Morgan, I need to talk to you about the Picasso you just nicked.
0:11:44 > 0:11:49- Have you lost your marbles?- Yeah. We haven't got much time. What's the worst that could happen?
0:11:49 > 0:11:54- They could kill us! - Yeah, well, then at least Mickey would know we died trying.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20- You've got some bottle.- Yeah, well, needs must, and all of that. - Well, in you come, then.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25- That's very kind, but if it's all the same to you, we'll stay out here.- Fair play.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28The trouble is, a very good friend of mine is being held by Petre Sava,
0:12:28 > 0:12:32the bloke you nicked the Picasso from. Now, it's a long story, but now he thinks we got it.
0:12:32 > 0:12:37- And why would he think that? - Because we told him we did.- Yeah. We were trying to sell him a fake.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- We're grifters.- Yeah. It's what we do. We read about the Picasso being nicked,
0:12:41 > 0:12:46so we had a copy made to sell to a private collector, one who wouldn't ask too many questions.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- If they'd read about it being stolen, they'd believe it was real.- Exactly.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Trouble is, the collector we took it to was the one you'd nicked it from.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Which he wasn't very happy about, as you can imagine.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00It's a beautiful story, and I'm getting all misty-eyed, but what's this got to do with us?
0:13:00 > 0:13:06Well, err... If you give us the real Picasso, the one that you nicked from Sava,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08we can go and get our mate back.
0:13:08 > 0:13:14Well, let's just say that we had this painting, not that I'm saying that we do, you understand...
0:13:14 > 0:13:17But he's your friend, not ours. So what's in it for us?
0:13:19 > 0:13:23Well, to be honest, I haven't thought that bit through. What do you want?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Don't want anything.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28I tell you what, 20 grand and I'll nick it straight back for you. HE LAUGHS
0:13:28 > 0:13:32You know, just for the sheer brass neck of you, I'm tempted to help you out.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35And I do love a grifter. Especially a pretty one.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- But it's already been moved on. - Where?- Oh, I can't tell you that.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44- You have to.- Ash, is it?- Yeah.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Ash.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I can't do it, son.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52We've worked years to build up a reputation based on complete discretion.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56I can't piss that up the wall for a couple of grifters. So my lips are sealed.
0:13:56 > 0:14:03- All right, what about if I threatened to beat it out of you? - Then I would respect that.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06And me and my brother Neil here, would defend ourselves as best we could,
0:14:06 > 0:14:10by ripping your head from the rest of your body and eating it.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Fair enough, just asking.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16You have a nice day.
0:14:28 > 0:14:34- So, looks like we're back to square one.- No, not exactly, now we know who stole it.- Yeah, but not who for.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- We still don't know where it is. - Any news from the Old Bill, Albert?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- It seems we know more than they do. - What if the McCrary brothers haven't delivered it yet?
0:14:41 > 0:14:45We could just watch the house and wait for them to make a move, right?
0:14:45 > 0:14:49What if they're delivering it tomorrow or next week? We've only got four hours left.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51What about Petre Sava?
0:14:51 > 0:14:56Well, I did some digging about, like you said. Mickey was right about him being a high-end art collector.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59His private collection would rival most European galleries.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03The last we knew, he owned half a dozen nightclubs in London, so he was bound to be a bit dodgy.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- Well, that's a good thing.- Yeah. Until you find out how dodgy.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10- Human trafficking...- Aah. - ..Class A drug distribution,
0:15:10 > 0:15:12and a protection racket that started in Romania,
0:15:12 > 0:15:16and has now spread over eight European cities.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18We need to get Mickey out of there.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33So what did you do with the black guy?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35He's in the boot of my car.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- Can he breathe?- Sure.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40At least I think so.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46If they don't bring me my painting...
0:15:49 > 0:15:52..you think we should kill him, or just cut some bits off?
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Or both?
0:15:57 > 0:15:58Both is good.
0:16:05 > 0:16:10They don't cut people up too much in the West, you know.
0:16:10 > 0:16:15They don't kill them very much, either. They "beat up".
0:16:15 > 0:16:19But if you just "beat up," they get better,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22they find some friends, and then they come back.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30If you cut bits off and post them to their friends, this doesn't happen.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34No. It's more efficient.
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Exactly.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40So, both it is.
0:16:40 > 0:16:41You cut...
0:16:43 > 0:16:44..I kill.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53THUMPING
0:17:20 > 0:17:24- Where's Mickey?- He's being held hostage by a Romanian gangster
0:17:24 > 0:17:28who won't release him until we find a painting of a cat in a garden.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Yeah, right, yeah.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31EDDIE CHUCKLES
0:17:32 > 0:17:34You crack me up, you lot.
0:17:34 > 0:17:39Very vivid imaginations, as my mum used to say. Mind you, you probably need them in your line of work.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43Cheers, Eddie. Look, give us a couple of minutes, will you? We're thinking.
0:17:43 > 0:17:47- I thought I could hear something. - EDDIE CHUCKLES - Oh, you had a phone call.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49- Nice lady... Molly?- Dolly. - Dolly. That's it.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54She said she's got what you want, only you have to send the cute one, whatever that means.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58No way.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Oh... No way.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01No way!
0:18:04 > 0:18:06No...
0:18:06 > 0:18:07..way.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10JAZZ MUSIC IN BACKGROUND
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Ta-daa!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I didn't know if you liked red or white,
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- so I brought one of each.- Oh.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Ha-ha...
0:18:32 > 0:18:34SHE CHUCKLES
0:18:42 > 0:18:44It was horrible.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48- So, did you actually have to? - I don't want to talk about it.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Oh...
0:18:50 > 0:18:52No, of course not.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04She took her teeth out.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08SNORTS
0:19:08 > 0:19:10So, did she say anything at all?
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Take a deep breath, Sean.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18It might help to make the pictures go away.
0:19:25 > 0:19:30Petre Sava bought A Small Cat In The Garden by Picasso at an auction in Kensington.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34He outbid a private collector called Matthew Fairchild, who's an investment banker,
0:19:34 > 0:19:38and happens to be the father of Louise Fairchild, whose married name is Holmes.
0:19:38 > 0:19:43- Should we know her?- No, but you might've heard of her husband. - Harry Holmes!- THE Harry Holmes?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45'Fraid so.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16It's all right. It's all right, calm down. Calm down.
0:20:17 > 0:20:21Now, I understand you're not a grass...
0:20:23 > 0:20:26..and I admire that in a man, I really do.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I need you to open up for me.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35One way...or another.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41When Harry Holmes found out it was Petre Sava who beat his father-in-law to the painting,
0:20:41 > 0:20:43- he wasn't happy. It hurt his pride a bit.- I bet.
0:20:43 > 0:20:47I heard he was like a dog with two whatsits when he married into the upper classes.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51- He's always fancied hunting, shooting and fishing. - So the painting's about impressing
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- the new in-laws? - Seems like it.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Then maybe those in-laws are one of the reasons that Harry hasn't got his own hands dirty
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- in order to get the painting back. - He paid the McCrary brothers to steal it for him instead.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- That's what Dolly said.- And you're sure that wasn't just pillow talk?
0:21:08 > 0:21:12So on one side we've got a violent Eastern European gangster, and on the other, a homicidal maniac?
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- That's about the strength of it. - So what shall we do?
0:21:15 > 0:21:20Sensible thing would be call the Old Bill, tell 'em what happened and throw ourselves on their mercy.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- We're not going to do that, right? - No. Which leaves us with one other option.
0:21:24 > 0:21:25Which is?
0:21:25 > 0:21:29To steal the painting back from Harry Holmes.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11This is the home of Matthew Fairchild,
0:22:11 > 0:22:13father-in-law of Harry Holmes,
0:22:13 > 0:22:17who paid the McCrery brothers to steal the Picasso from Petre Sava.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28I still can't believe you got it back.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30It's family, innit?
0:22:30 > 0:22:34I know someone who's getting a special treat later.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Now Fairchild's already a collector, so the security is a bit nifty.
0:22:48 > 0:22:54- That's comforting(!)- CCTV, weight sensor pads, motion detectors, heat imaging systems and laser webs.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57That's if you can get past the two killer dogs in the grounds.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58I hate dogs.
0:22:58 > 0:23:03Luckily, although the system's state of the art, it was designed by Fairchild himself.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04How does that help us?
0:23:04 > 0:23:09Systems like this are only as good as their design, and he's made a very common, but simple mistake.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- Which is?- Basically it's a domestic system, and like most domestic alarm systems,
0:23:13 > 0:23:16it's designed on the assumption that a theft would take place
0:23:16 > 0:23:19either when the place is empty or at night under cover of darkness.
0:23:19 > 0:23:24Which means when they're home during the day, the alarms are switched off.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27- Exactly.- Because who would be stupid enough to break into a house
0:23:27 > 0:23:30in broad daylight when everyone's at home?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38'OK, so this is all about timing.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40'Everything on cue, like a ballet.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44'Firstly, let's make sure the dogs get their sleeping pills.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46'They'll last about 20 minutes.'
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Three, two, one.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55'Dogs are asleep. I'm moving into position.'
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Albert, you set?
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Ready.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Emma? Sean?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Ready.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16- Ready.- 'OK.'
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Go!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22POLICE SIREN APPROACHES
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Hello, madam. We're investigating a stolen painting.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- What are you doing?- We need to search the property.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48What's going on?
0:24:50 > 0:24:51I don't know.
0:24:51 > 0:24:55I've got your number, fella! I'll be straight onto the station!
0:24:55 > 0:24:57But I think we should get out of here.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Yeah. I'm with you.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02No, look!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06This is it, I've had enough!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08All right, come on.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Calm down. >
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Don't you tell me to calm down!
0:25:12 > 0:25:17All right, thanks, Nigel, don't forget I owe you a big cigar.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18A good one? Yeah, thanks, bye, bye.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21All right, the police have been tipped off,
0:25:21 > 0:25:24they've seized the painting and they've arrested Harry Holmes.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28- Is that good or bad? - Well, it can't be good, can it? - Wait! That's exactly what it is.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33- How?- If the police have it, Sava was the rightful owner. - They'll give him back the painting.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36- He'll let Mickey go.- Job done. Eduardo, refreshments, please.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37PHONE RINGS
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Hello?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Yes, Nigel!
0:25:43 > 0:25:48I see. All right, thanks for taking the time to call me back, I appreciate it.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- They've released Harry Holmes. - That was quick!
0:25:51 > 0:25:55Well, they found the painting in the house and it was fake.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- What?!- That ain't possible. We know it was the original,
0:25:58 > 0:26:01he had it nicked from Sava, who bought it at the auction.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04He wouldn't have kidnapped Mickey and hung Ash upside down if he'd lost a fake!
0:26:04 > 0:26:08So if the one Harry had was a fake, where's the real one?
0:26:15 > 0:26:16Drinks up.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26"Oh, thank you very much, Eddie(!)" "It's a pleasure to serve you...(!)"
0:26:26 > 0:26:29"Yeah, thank you very much(!)"
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- Doesn't make sense.- No.- Let's think about this for a minute.
0:26:34 > 0:26:40We have to assume that the painting the McCrary brothers nicked from Petre Sava is the real Picasso.
0:26:40 > 0:26:44- Agreed.- But by the time it got to Harry Holmes and his father-in-law, it was a fake.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48- Exactly.- So they switched it? - Can't be anything else.- So if they passed on a fake to Harry,
0:26:48 > 0:26:54- they must've had another buyer for the real one. Robbing bastards. - The McCrarys have the real painting?
0:26:54 > 0:26:58- That's the only thing that makes sense.- They must! - Or at least know where it is.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- The gate's wide open. - Oh, we're too late!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03There's no sign of life anywhere...
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- No, they're long gone.- Course. If you're just about to stitch up Harry Holmes,
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- you're not gonna hang around where he can find you.- They must have moved out just after we saw them.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15- They could be back in Glasgow by now. We're screwed. - You mean Mickey is.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19Wait, wait. If you were going to give Harry Holmes a fake,
0:27:19 > 0:27:23you're not going to risk him spotting it. It'd have to be near-perfect.
0:27:23 > 0:27:28So - where would you go for a near-perfect copy of a Picasso?
0:27:28 > 0:27:32- A girl's got to earn a living! - But why didn't you tell us, Dolly?
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Well, I didn't know there was a connection!
0:27:35 > 0:27:38It's the flaming cat in the wotsit, the painting we was asking you about!
0:27:38 > 0:27:43Yeah, but I can't keep track of everything, I'm not an accountant, I'm an artist.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46All right, all right. So...step by step, right?
0:27:46 > 0:27:49You did the fake for the McCrarys, right?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52- Maybe.- Dolly! Stop messing about!
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Are you going to let him speak to me like that?
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Eh?
0:27:57 > 0:28:00I thought what we had was special.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02We didn't have anything!
0:28:02 > 0:28:03You touched my Mabel!
0:28:03 > 0:28:06- What?- That-That is what she calls her ferret.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08- Ferret?- She keeps it in the khazi.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11I don't let just anyone touch my Mabel.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Dolly!
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Yeah, yeah, all right, all right.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18I made the McCrarys a fake,
0:28:18 > 0:28:22and they said that they'd got a buyer, but he was a muppet
0:28:22 > 0:28:24and he'd never know the difference.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Yeah, well, that "muppet" is Harry Holmes.
0:28:27 > 0:28:28Oh. That's not good.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31No, it's not, is it? So I need you to tell me
0:28:31 > 0:28:35what the McCrarys were doing with the real Picasso.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39They did say something about a new buyer.
0:28:39 > 0:28:40Who?
0:28:40 > 0:28:42I don't know.
0:28:42 > 0:28:45- Did they say anything at all? Mention any names?- No.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48OK, right, well, the, er, the fake...
0:28:48 > 0:28:52so, when you'd finished it, did they collect it from here?
0:28:52 > 0:28:55- No.- So how did you get it to them?
0:28:55 > 0:28:57I had to parcel it up and send it in a cab.
0:28:57 > 0:28:59Right. Where to?
0:29:02 > 0:29:04- I don't remember. - Dolly! This is important.
0:29:04 > 0:29:06Look, it's all this pressure!
0:29:06 > 0:29:10I can't think straight with you all looking at me!
0:29:10 > 0:29:13- Would it help if we all just looked away?- Yes. Except him.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15Oh, come on, Dolly!
0:29:15 > 0:29:17Oh. Oh!
0:29:17 > 0:29:20Maybe a gin might do it.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24It helps me to relax.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26What do we have with it?
0:29:26 > 0:29:27More gin.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32- Go.- Thank you.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46It was a hotel.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48Good. Which one?
0:29:48 > 0:29:49Up west.
0:29:52 > 0:29:53Name.
0:29:55 > 0:29:56Have another gin.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00- She's no use to us if she passes out, is she?- I am here, you know!
0:30:00 > 0:30:02I could, er...
0:30:02 > 0:30:04I could book us a room while I was there.
0:30:05 > 0:30:08It was the Goodridge on the South Bank.
0:30:08 > 0:30:11See if they've got a four-poster!
0:30:30 > 0:30:32Is he still alive?
0:30:33 > 0:30:35HE GRUNTS IN PAIN
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Yes, boss.
0:30:37 > 0:30:41You know your friends have two hours to return with my painting.
0:30:41 > 0:30:47If they are late, we cut off something every ten minutes until they get here.
0:30:48 > 0:30:51If they are not here in two hours,
0:30:51 > 0:30:54we kill whatever is left.
0:30:54 > 0:30:56What do you think of that?
0:30:58 > 0:31:01Do you want me to take his gag off? So he can tell you what he thinks?
0:31:01 > 0:31:02No, no.
0:31:04 > 0:31:07I'm a people person, it was a rhetorical question,
0:31:07 > 0:31:09I know what he thinks.
0:31:10 > 0:31:12You do?
0:31:12 > 0:31:16He is thinking he hopes his friends come before we cut anything off.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Oh.
0:31:19 > 0:31:25Then maybe he's thinking about what we will cut off, and in what order.
0:31:27 > 0:31:28True?
0:31:42 > 0:31:46- Do you think they're still here? - Albert, do you know the concierge? - Yes. Anthony...
0:31:46 > 0:31:51- Excuse me a moment.- I thought Dolly sent the fake painting here.- Yes, the McCrary brothers needed a fake
0:31:51 > 0:31:54- to give to Harry Holmes, not the real one. - So the real one could be here?
0:31:54 > 0:31:56There's only one way to find out.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02All right. They're staying overnight,
0:32:02 > 0:32:05they've booked a car tomorrow morning to go to the airport.
0:32:05 > 0:32:08And right now, they're in the bar.
0:32:15 > 0:32:18They don't look like they've got anything with them.
0:32:18 > 0:32:20- What room are they in, Albert?- 624.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22They've seen me and Ems, so we'll check the room,
0:32:22 > 0:32:25- you keep an eye on 'em, give us a heads up if they move.- All right.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41- We haven't got a lot of time. - You go that way.- Yeah.
0:32:53 > 0:32:58CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
0:33:04 > 0:33:06It's not here.
0:33:10 > 0:33:15I'm making a real pig's ear of this, aren't I? All those times Mickey's bailed us out,
0:33:15 > 0:33:18- I can't even find a painting.- We'll find it, it's just a matter of time.
0:33:18 > 0:33:21Time we haven't got. It's less than an hour now.
0:33:21 > 0:33:25Know what? I'd rather get tooled up, go to Sava's and take me chances.
0:33:25 > 0:33:28- You can't do that. - Yeah, well, I can't do this either.
0:33:28 > 0:33:31It's a setback, but come on, you're just as smart as Mickey.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Right. The McCrary brothers are still downstairs.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38Let's just go and try to talk to them again.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41We can get through this. Let's go.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06Now, that's clever.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14See? I told you we'd get it!
0:34:18 > 0:34:20Who the hell are you?
0:34:26 > 0:34:29CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
0:34:32 > 0:34:34So let me get this straight.
0:34:34 > 0:34:37- Sava is holding your mate until you bring him this.- Yeah.
0:34:37 > 0:34:41And he doesn't know it was me who nicked the painting? He thinks it was you.
0:34:41 > 0:34:42HE CHUCKLES
0:34:42 > 0:34:47Sounds like you're up shit creek and left the paddle at home, sunshine.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49And I have had a right result.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Just tell me one thing.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54How did you know it was here?
0:34:54 > 0:34:57We didn't. We just found the McCrarys and hoped for the best.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59Yeah, well those two stitched me right up.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03Didn't just sell me a moody painting,
0:35:03 > 0:35:06they made me look like a prat in front of my wife's family.
0:35:06 > 0:35:07Where are they?
0:35:07 > 0:35:10No idea, there was no-one in the room when we got here.
0:35:13 > 0:35:18All right, seems to me you two haven't done me any harm, you've got nothing I need,
0:35:18 > 0:35:21and you've got enough to worry about. So get out.
0:35:24 > 0:35:27Go on, sling your hook before I change my mind.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34We can't do that.
0:35:36 > 0:35:38- Oh, yeah?- No.
0:35:38 > 0:35:41Without the painting, Petre Sava's not gonna let our mate go.
0:35:41 > 0:35:43So, I don't care who you are.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45I ain't leaving without it.
0:35:47 > 0:35:48And that's your final word?
0:35:50 > 0:35:51Yeah, it is.
0:35:55 > 0:35:56No, don't!
0:35:56 > 0:35:57HE GRUNTS IN PAIN
0:35:57 > 0:35:59Oohh...
0:36:01 > 0:36:04Ash. That wasn't very smart.
0:36:10 > 0:36:11So have we got a plan B?
0:36:11 > 0:36:13- Well, it's more like plan A revisited.- Eh?
0:36:13 > 0:36:17- Harry will take the painting back to his father-in-law's like a hero. - And we've got a plan
0:36:17 > 0:36:22- to steal it back from there. - Clever.- Yeah, more importantly, we need Harry back at the house pronto,
0:36:22 > 0:36:27and finding the McCrary boys will only slow him down. So let's make sure he has to leave now.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31FIRE ALARM RINGS
0:36:53 > 0:36:54Right.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57Like a ballet, remember?
0:37:14 > 0:37:16- We all set?- Ready.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20Set.
0:37:24 > 0:37:25I'm ready.
0:37:31 > 0:37:33Right.
0:37:33 > 0:37:34Go!
0:37:43 > 0:37:47And you're sure it's definitely the real one this time?
0:37:47 > 0:37:51- Oh, yeah.- Ooh, I love you so much, I could burst.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54DOORBELL RINGS
0:37:55 > 0:37:57I'll get it.
0:38:00 > 0:38:01Hello?
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Hi, I'm really sorry, but my Bobby has just run into your garden.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07- Bobby?- He's a white Bichon Frise.
0:38:07 > 0:38:11- Oh.- Only I was worried in case you had dogs.- We do!
0:38:11 > 0:38:12Oh.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14No. Um...
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Bobby! Darling, come on!
0:38:16 > 0:38:17Wait, I'll come with you. >
0:38:18 > 0:38:21THEY CALL OUT
0:38:28 > 0:38:30OK, two in the viewing room.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32'Time to split 'em up.'
0:38:33 > 0:38:35PHONE RINGS
0:38:36 > 0:38:38Bobby! Bobby!
0:38:44 > 0:38:46Hello? Fairchild.
0:38:46 > 0:38:47Paul Holland from New York.
0:38:47 > 0:38:50'We met at an awful meet and greet in London last month.'
0:38:50 > 0:38:51You do remember?
0:38:51 > 0:38:54We've been through here twice before.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57He could be under any of these bushes. Bobby!
0:39:06 > 0:39:07OK, Ash, one left over.
0:39:11 > 0:39:12CAR ALARM STARTS
0:39:17 > 0:39:20OK, Ash, good to go, mate.
0:39:22 > 0:39:23ALARM STOPS
0:39:23 > 0:39:25- There!- What?
0:39:25 > 0:39:27I heard something! This way!
0:39:27 > 0:39:28Bobby!
0:39:37 > 0:39:41Yes. Uh-huh. Yes.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45'Which brings me to my other point...'
0:39:54 > 0:39:55REMOTE CAR LOCK BEEPS
0:40:10 > 0:40:13< Yes, of course, I'd be interested in looking...
0:40:22 > 0:40:23Yes, exactly.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26You know, if you don't find them in the first half...
0:40:26 > 0:40:27MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:40:27 > 0:40:29You know, you might...excuse me.
0:40:29 > 0:40:31Oh. Yes?
0:40:31 > 0:40:32Time to go.
0:40:32 > 0:40:36Oh, that's amazing. Oh, thank you, darling, so much.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38Yes, I'm coming back now. All right.
0:40:38 > 0:40:41He found his way home! He's such a clever baby!
0:40:41 > 0:40:43Oh, thank you so much for helping.
0:40:43 > 0:40:46- It's fine. It's fine. - Bye, bye! Bye!
0:40:54 > 0:40:57'..perhaps you can call me at my office tomorrow,
0:40:57 > 0:40:59'and I can draw out some projections...'
0:40:59 > 0:41:04Sorry, Matthew, I got the Senator on the other line, I've got to take it.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06I'll be in touch, thank you so much.
0:41:11 > 0:41:14Home, James, and don't spare the horses!
0:41:25 > 0:41:28You won't believe what I've been doing in the garden.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30I've been chasing...
0:41:30 > 0:41:31Oh, no.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45Yeah, I've got it. Yeah, the real one.
0:41:45 > 0:41:48The same place as you left me in half an hour.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51But if Mickey's not there, the deal's off. ..OK.
0:41:51 > 0:41:53Half hour.
0:41:53 > 0:41:56- Well?- All set. We'll meet back at the warehouse in half an hour.
0:41:56 > 0:41:58We give 'em the real painting, they give us Mickey.
0:41:58 > 0:42:02- But can we trust them?- The honest truth is, Albert, I don't know.
0:42:02 > 0:42:06- What if Harry realises it was us? - I don't know that either. - What happens if...
0:42:06 > 0:42:10- Let's get Mickey back first, and worry about everything else later, yeah?- Sounds like a plan.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12Yeah, well, first, I need a drink.
0:42:18 > 0:42:19Set 'em up.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22There you are!
0:42:30 > 0:42:34Mad Dolly told us where to find you.
0:42:34 > 0:42:35Oh?
0:42:35 > 0:42:37That was you at the hotel, wasn't it?
0:42:37 > 0:42:38Hotel?
0:42:38 > 0:42:39I saw you leaving.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43Just passing, were you?
0:42:43 > 0:42:45That's right, yeah, we erm...
0:42:45 > 0:42:48Well, we found out where you were
0:42:48 > 0:42:52and we thought we'd try again, you know, to convince you to...
0:42:52 > 0:42:54let us take the painting.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56That's what I thought.
0:42:56 > 0:43:00So it was you guys that set off the alarm, was it?
0:43:00 > 0:43:03- Yeah, yeah, we... - What did I tell you?
0:43:07 > 0:43:10That's why we're here, we wanted to say thank you!
0:43:11 > 0:43:13Eh?
0:43:14 > 0:43:17Look, I don't know why you hit the alarm when you did,
0:43:17 > 0:43:21but if you hadn't, we'd have just waltzed up there and found Harry Holmes in our room.
0:43:21 > 0:43:24Yeah, well, you know, don't mention it.
0:43:24 > 0:43:26So what happened?
0:43:26 > 0:43:31You found us and then you saw Harry and his goons there too, right?
0:43:31 > 0:43:36- That's right, yeah. So...we legged it. Only we didn't want to drop you in it, so...- So we hit the alarm.
0:43:38 > 0:43:42Look. All I know is if it wasn't for you guys we would be screwed.
0:43:42 > 0:43:44So, thank you.
0:43:44 > 0:43:46It's a pleasure, I hope you'd do the same for us.
0:43:46 > 0:43:48Oh, absolutely!
0:43:48 > 0:43:51- Well, there you go.- We'd love to stay and have a beer with you,
0:43:51 > 0:43:53but we have a flight to catch.
0:43:53 > 0:43:56We've got to get home and make a start on spending this.
0:44:01 > 0:44:05400 grand...for the painting.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07The painting?
0:44:07 > 0:44:08The Picasso.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13We sold Harry one of the duds Dolly made.
0:44:13 > 0:44:16- Yeah, I heard. That's why he was looking for you.- Oh, no doubt.
0:44:16 > 0:44:20But we also had another buyer lined up for the real one. German guy.
0:44:23 > 0:44:30Wait. You said you sold "one of the duds" to Harry?
0:44:32 > 0:44:35So you sold a dud to the German too?
0:44:35 > 0:44:40No, no, he got the real thing. Bid the highest you see.
0:44:40 > 0:44:45No, we had Dolly make two duds. We sold one to Harry,
0:44:45 > 0:44:49and the other we were going to sell to some Aussie guy in the hotel bar, but he was a no show.
0:44:49 > 0:44:52Yeah, yeah, but you can't have sold the real one,
0:44:52 > 0:44:55because Harry found it in your room.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58He would have been pretty disappointed when he got home.
0:44:58 > 0:45:00- Eh?- Did the deal with the German guy this afternoon,
0:45:00 > 0:45:02long before Harry found us.
0:45:02 > 0:45:05If he found a painting in our room, it was the other dud.
0:45:05 > 0:45:08Shit, I think we actually hung it up on the wall.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10We were leaving it as a wee present for the hotel.
0:45:10 > 0:45:15Look, like I said, we just came here to say thank you.
0:45:19 > 0:45:23Oh, by the way, how did, er... How did things pan out with your friend?
0:45:23 > 0:45:26Oh, well, we're, er... We're still working on it.
0:45:26 > 0:45:28Well, good luck with that.
0:45:28 > 0:45:30Cheers.
0:45:33 > 0:45:35DOOR CLOSES
0:45:40 > 0:45:41So we stole another fake?
0:45:41 > 0:45:46You told Sava we had half an hour. We've got 15 minutes.
0:45:49 > 0:45:50So what do we do now?
0:45:51 > 0:45:53Here you are, mate.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06CAR ENGINE STARTS
0:46:22 > 0:46:26When you live outside the law, on the fringes of society,
0:46:26 > 0:46:30you're always going to have days like this.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33What you might call a bad day in the office.
0:46:35 > 0:46:38Well, the thing is not to panic.
0:46:38 > 0:46:42Because people like this lot, they're like dogs,
0:46:42 > 0:46:44they can smell fear.
0:46:46 > 0:46:50So the trick is to make them think you know something they don't.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53That way they'll generally hold off killing you
0:46:53 > 0:46:55while they try and work out what it is.
0:47:09 > 0:47:10You have brought my painting?
0:47:10 > 0:47:12- You brought my friend? - Painting first.
0:47:12 > 0:47:17- Friend first or there's no deal. - I don't think you're in a position to negotiate, do you?
0:47:17 > 0:47:20If you believe that, it could be the worst mistake you ever made.
0:47:20 > 0:47:25I see my friend... you see your painting.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49Now your turn.
0:48:18 > 0:48:21Right. Who's got my painting?
0:48:21 > 0:48:25- This is none of your business, Harry.- Well, I'm making it my business, Boris,
0:48:25 > 0:48:28I've been dancing around you lot for too long.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30My name is not Boris.
0:48:30 > 0:48:31It is when I'm talking to you.
0:48:31 > 0:48:34You know, calling me Boris is racist.
0:48:34 > 0:48:38- Tough.- Er, excuse me, can we, er... Can we get on with this, please?
0:48:38 > 0:48:42- What are you doing here?- What do you think I'm flaming doing here?
0:48:42 > 0:48:45I've come to swap this painting...
0:48:45 > 0:48:47for my mate.
0:48:47 > 0:48:50- That is my painting. - No. My painting.
0:48:50 > 0:48:53- I nicked it, fair and square. - And now I'm getting it back.
0:48:53 > 0:48:55That's enough!
0:48:56 > 0:49:00- Who you shouting at?- You!
0:49:00 > 0:49:01The pair of you!
0:49:03 > 0:49:06Have you never heard of honour amongst thieves?
0:49:06 > 0:49:10Some kind of nodding appreciation amongst your peers?
0:49:13 > 0:49:15You're like a couple of five-year-olds.
0:49:15 > 0:49:19"Please, Miss, he's nicked my painting." It's pathetic.
0:49:19 > 0:49:23- And I've had it with both of you! - Get the painting.
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Ah, ah, ah!
0:49:33 > 0:49:37I've had a gun shoved up me hooter, been hung upside down
0:49:37 > 0:49:39and kicked up in the air.
0:49:39 > 0:49:42I've been threatened by at least three nationalities
0:49:42 > 0:49:47while running around half of London chasing some stupid picture of a cat in someone's back garden
0:49:47 > 0:49:52that looks like it was done by a three-year-old on a sugar rush.
0:49:52 > 0:49:58I've been lied to, cheated and generally abused
0:49:58 > 0:50:01just because me and my mate here were trying to earn an honest crust
0:50:01 > 0:50:03when Rasputin here went and kidnapped him.
0:50:03 > 0:50:08- Hey. Rasputin is worse than Boris. - I said, shut it!
0:50:09 > 0:50:14Now, I don't know whose painting this is and, to be quite honest, I don't give a flying toss!
0:50:14 > 0:50:17- I've had a very bad day! - Do you know who you're talking to?
0:50:18 > 0:50:20Never mind who I'm talking to.
0:50:22 > 0:50:27You ought to worry about who we are, son. We're grifters. Yeah.
0:50:29 > 0:50:33This bloke over here. He's sold the Eiffel Tower,
0:50:33 > 0:50:37the Palace Of Westminster and the Sydney Opera House.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39We broke banks, companies and political parties.
0:50:39 > 0:50:42We took on the mafia in Las Vegas
0:50:42 > 0:50:46and we made the London Special Branch look like the Keystone Cops.
0:50:46 > 0:50:49So never mind about you two threatening us!
0:50:51 > 0:50:54Now, I'm threatening you!
0:50:58 > 0:51:01We're going to make you our hobby.
0:51:01 > 0:51:06Spend sleepless nights working out how to take away everything from you, every penny.
0:51:06 > 0:51:09It won't be just a sodding painting you have to worry about,
0:51:09 > 0:51:13you'll be working out where you're going to sleep at night.
0:51:17 > 0:51:21Because we're going to pick you clean.
0:51:21 > 0:51:24We'll strip every bit of flesh off the bone.
0:51:38 > 0:51:41Nice speech. I got just one question.
0:51:41 > 0:51:42Yeah, what's that?
0:51:44 > 0:51:47How are you lot going to do that, when you're dead?
0:51:47 > 0:51:49Very good.
0:51:52 > 0:51:54Now, give me my painting.
0:51:54 > 0:51:58No. No. You give me MY painting.
0:52:02 > 0:52:06Some people never listen, do they?
0:52:06 > 0:52:08I tell you what...
0:52:08 > 0:52:11you can sort it out amongst yourselves.
0:52:47 > 0:52:51Get it round the side! Yeah, that's it.
0:52:52 > 0:52:54Watch what you're doing!
0:52:56 > 0:52:58Don't damage it!
0:52:58 > 0:53:01You didn't phone, you didn't write.
0:53:01 > 0:53:03Sorry, mate, I've been a bit tied up.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07Is that who I think it is?
0:53:07 > 0:53:10Harry Holmes, yeah.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12Good job he turned up.
0:53:12 > 0:53:15Yeah, well...I phoned him.
0:53:16 > 0:53:18- You phoned him?- Yeah.
0:53:18 > 0:53:20So what do we do now?
0:53:27 > 0:53:29- IN SCOTTISH ACCENT:- Hello. Harry?
0:53:29 > 0:53:34Would you be interested to know who the McCrary boys were working for when they double-crossed you?
0:53:34 > 0:53:37Aye, I do know. Have you got a pen?
0:53:40 > 0:53:42Just watch the painting, will ya?
0:53:42 > 0:53:45They don't seem to like each other very much.
0:53:45 > 0:53:48No, well, I er... I phoned the other one 'an all.
0:53:48 > 0:53:53- IN RUSSIAN ACCENT:- Harry Holmes. Yes, he cheated a friend of mine.
0:53:53 > 0:53:58So when I found out he stole your painting,
0:53:58 > 0:54:00I thought it right to call you.
0:54:00 > 0:54:04And I phoned the Old Bill in case it went pear-shaped. They'll be here any minute.
0:54:12 > 0:54:13I've got it!
0:54:14 > 0:54:18- Oh.- Is that the real Picasso?
0:54:18 > 0:54:20Oh, no, no. No, that's a fake.
0:54:22 > 0:54:26- Guys. Can I... Can I ask a question? - Yeah, yeah.
0:54:26 > 0:54:29- I mean, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything.- No, it's OK.
0:54:29 > 0:54:33Wouldn't it have been simpler to get the real painting?
0:54:33 > 0:54:35SIRENS WAIL IN THE DISTANCE
0:54:39 > 0:54:41It's OK.
0:54:49 > 0:54:51- Cheers, Ed.- Thank you.
0:54:51 > 0:54:53So no-one's looking for us?
0:54:53 > 0:54:56No. No, you see, they both thought that the original was damaged
0:54:56 > 0:54:58in the fight at the warehouse.
0:54:58 > 0:55:02But neither Petre Sava nor Harry Holmes could afford to lose face.
0:55:04 > 0:55:08So the only way they could save face was to have a fake each.
0:55:08 > 0:55:12That way, they could both say they won and honour is restored.
0:55:12 > 0:55:14And they all get to live happily ever after.
0:55:14 > 0:55:18Down. Ah.
0:55:18 > 0:55:20Yeah, well, you know, happy as they can be.
0:55:20 > 0:55:22Perfect.
0:55:22 > 0:55:24It seems the only winners are the McCrary boys.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27Tell me about it. They just walked off with 400 grand.
0:55:27 > 0:55:29Whoa, they might get to go with all the money
0:55:29 > 0:55:33- but we got something much more precious. We got Mickey back. - Oh, yes, that's true.
0:55:33 > 0:55:37- Yeah.- Ah. Thanks, guys. - You can't put a price on friendship.
0:55:37 > 0:55:41- But if you could, it'd be about 400 grand.- Ignore him - he was beside himself when you were gone.
0:55:41 > 0:55:45He was taking all the blame, he was full of self-loathing.
0:55:45 > 0:55:48- It was heartbreaking to watch. It was.- Yeah, yeah.
0:55:48 > 0:55:52- We made no money, but apart from the odd bruise, everything turned out OK.- Yes, it did.
0:55:52 > 0:55:56Ash, I've got to ask you, did you really lose it with those gangsters at the warehouse?
0:55:56 > 0:55:58We hadn't got a lot of options at that point,
0:55:58 > 0:56:01- so I thought I'd do a bit of Mickey waffle. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:56:03 > 0:56:08- "Mickey waffle"?- Yeah, you know that thing where you talk a lot but don't actually say anything.
0:56:08 > 0:56:11Sorry, no, I do not "waffle".
0:56:11 > 0:56:14- You do a bit.- When? - Usually when you know you're wrong but you won't admit it.
0:56:14 > 0:56:20I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but that's far from waffling, that's just my way of presenting a reasoned argument.
0:56:20 > 0:56:23A way of putting forward the facts, which in the main, Ash,
0:56:23 > 0:56:25I'm sorry to say, is something you fail to do.
0:56:25 > 0:56:29You prefer to use emotional rhetoric littered with expletives to make your point.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32No, it's true, it's true.
0:56:33 > 0:56:35That was NOT "waffling".
0:56:35 > 0:56:36I wish you'd left me in the boot now.
0:56:36 > 0:56:41- Well, it can be arranged. - ED:- I brought you tomorrow's papers. - Oh, cheers.
0:56:41 > 0:56:45That was that Dolly bird again. I was going to give you a shout but you were waffling.
0:56:45 > 0:56:47- Cheers, Ed.- I wasn't waffling. - Course not.
0:56:47 > 0:56:54Erm...this Dolly...she sounds a bit of all right on the phone. What's she like?
0:56:56 > 0:57:00- Oh, now...now...she is special. - Yeah? Is she a looker?
0:57:00 > 0:57:03Oh...definitely.
0:57:03 > 0:57:07- Is she a looker?- Got a lovely set of teeth, hasn't she, Sean?- Amazing.
0:57:07 > 0:57:10Only we had a little bit of a chat. We got on like a house on fire.
0:57:10 > 0:57:12Think she was flirting a bit when she, er...
0:57:12 > 0:57:17when she rang earlier, you know, she said she liked me accent and that so, er...so you know...
0:57:17 > 0:57:19- might have a crack at it like.- "It"?
0:57:19 > 0:57:21Yeah, yeah, you don't mind, do you?
0:57:21 > 0:57:23I don't want to tread on anyone's toes.
0:57:23 > 0:57:27No. Good for you, you go for "it".
0:57:27 > 0:57:29She's invited me round for a drink.
0:57:29 > 0:57:35- Yeah?- Edward. This is a match made in heaven.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37You think so?
0:57:37 > 0:57:40Absolutely. You knock yourself out, son.
0:57:40 > 0:57:43Cheers, guys. I'll let you know how I get on.
0:57:48 > 0:57:51- Do you think that was a bit cruel? - Yeah. Probably.
0:57:56 > 0:57:59Oh, listen to this.
0:57:59 > 0:58:02It says here that a Mondrian was stolen from a gallery in Central London,
0:58:02 > 0:58:05and it's valued at £2.3 million.
0:58:07 > 0:58:10Doesn't Tucker still do fake Mondrians?
0:58:14 > 0:58:15- It was a joke.- Yeah!
0:58:18 > 0:58:20- Should've seen your faces.- Oi!
0:58:30 > 0:58:33Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:33 > 0:58:36E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk