0:00:02 > 0:00:04DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:00:05 > 0:00:08SQUAWKING
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Ladies and gentlemen,
0:00:15 > 0:00:18welcome to this movie theatre -
0:00:18 > 0:00:20the doors of which, you will note, are now locked.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23- DOORS SLAM - So you may abandon
0:00:23 > 0:00:24any hope of escape.
0:00:26 > 0:00:31I see you have a predilection for the macabre.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34So allow me to whet your appetite for a tale of terror
0:00:34 > 0:00:39that will challenge your very concept of evil.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43In a wild and ravaged corner of this country,
0:00:43 > 0:00:46more than a century-and-a-half ago,
0:00:46 > 0:00:50legendary was the name of Sir Jacob Surtees,
0:00:50 > 0:00:53a heartless nobleman of dark Satanic powers.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Assuming the guise of a hideous phantasm,
0:00:58 > 0:01:00he would stalk his prey.
0:01:06 > 0:01:11Sating his thirst for flesh in a most vile and twisted manner.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16To a ghastly theatre of perverted practice
0:01:16 > 0:01:19and torture were conveyed the objects of his lust
0:01:19 > 0:01:21and their ill-fated lovers...
0:01:21 > 0:01:22No!
0:01:22 > 0:01:26..where, it was averred by those who were forced to watch,
0:01:26 > 0:01:31he would consign each victim to ungodly oblivion.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44SCREAMING
0:01:55 > 0:01:56To the end of his days,
0:01:56 > 0:02:03no rational means or human agency could ever account for the horrors
0:02:03 > 0:02:06that took place in that chamber -
0:02:06 > 0:02:11as you too, my friends, will discover when you encounter
0:02:11 > 0:02:14the Brides Of The Damned.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45OK, you'll be ready to stretch your legs now, probably.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Rain seems to be easing off a bit, so...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Only, I'd as soon not go any further.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54It's just, erm, this place, you know?
0:03:54 > 0:03:58Obviously, don't want to believe everything you hear, but...
0:03:58 > 0:03:59BIRDS CAW, THUNDER RUMBLES
0:04:01 > 0:04:04No worries. Erm, what do we owe you?
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I know it sounds stupid, but...
0:04:07 > 0:04:09No, no, no. We understand. There you go.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:47 > 0:04:4915 years of nightmares.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53GASPING
0:04:59 > 0:05:02I suppose this was never going to be easy.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Hey, remember the mantra?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07It's just bricks and cement...
0:05:07 > 0:05:09and a shitload of Victorian superstition.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15As houses go, it's as safe as...
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Argh! Ah!
0:05:16 > 0:05:18What the hell?! You all right?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Give me a break!- Sorry, sorry.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- That was NOT supposed to happen. - God almighty. Stephen?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26The masonry up there, I think.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- Talk about a deathtrap. - It's seen better days.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31ECHOING SCREAMING
0:05:45 > 0:05:47HE SIGHS
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Who was it said, "Every time Nathan Clore directed a film,
0:05:52 > 0:05:53"it was a turkey shoot"?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58Er, some smartarse wordsmith.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Oh! Of course. This is, er...
0:06:07 > 0:06:09A consequence of his most recent aneurysm
0:06:09 > 0:06:12has been a near-total shutdown of the body's neurological
0:06:12 > 0:06:14and motor functions.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16But he CAN still hear.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24And his eyes, Mr Belkin, I should warn you,
0:06:24 > 0:06:26are very much alive.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Erm...
0:06:33 > 0:06:38I always thought the only way I could deal with what happened
0:06:38 > 0:06:42was to put as much distance between the two of us as possible.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48But then I suppose you grow up,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51realise the futility of denial.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55And when I got your letter two weeks ago...
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Your stepfather had so much he wanted to say to you.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03It was barely three days after he wrote that.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09It's beyond cruel, the way things have worked out.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13"The time has finally come, for you to learn the truth."
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Somewhere in this house,
0:07:19 > 0:07:21if we look hard enough,
0:07:21 > 0:07:23we'll get to unlock the past.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27God help us...
0:07:27 > 0:07:29to live with what we find.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35CHURCH BELLS CHIME
0:07:35 > 0:07:41Hello, is that Laszlo Hasselhoff, of Hasselhoff Hassle-Free Removals?
0:07:41 > 0:07:43It's Jonathan Creek.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Yeah, this text you've sent me.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49"Job number 640C 2B confirmed."
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Does that mean you're confirming job number 640C 2B,
0:07:53 > 0:07:58or that job number 640C is still awaiting process?
0:07:58 > 0:07:59In spite of the fact, I notice,
0:07:59 > 0:08:02that my cheque for the deposit cleared 11 days ago.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Creek.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08C-R-E-E...
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Yes, all right, put Zoltan on.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13RADIO: House Of Fun by Madness
0:08:13 > 0:08:15'Hello.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- 'Speaking. No. No, no...' - How about this?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Oh, perfect!
0:08:19 > 0:08:21With the front turned up, maybe.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23'Can I...can I stop you there?'
0:08:23 > 0:08:26- Oh, I know what I meant to say to you, Polly.- Mm?
0:08:26 > 0:08:30My other half, last week, was doing a job at this big, old house,
0:08:30 > 0:08:33erm, Daemons' Roost, did he say was the name of it?
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Reckoned there'd been all sorts of strange and unexplained stuff
0:08:37 > 0:08:39gone on there over the years.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Owner's on his last legs now,
0:08:41 > 0:08:44and the step-daughter's come back to take over the property.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Well, straightaway, of course, I thought of Jonathan.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Sounded just the sort of thing he might be inter...
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Yes! Er, are you sure that's going to fit on like that, Nina?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Maybe a bit of stitching, to keep it in place?
0:08:55 > 0:08:56Friday morning, they're saying now.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I'll believe that when I see it. Ruddy cowboys.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Well, I don't know why we have to see it.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I thought the whole point of downsizing
0:09:02 > 0:09:04was to have a good declutter, get rid of the past -
0:09:04 > 0:09:06yours as well as mine.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Load of old junk from the windmill.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Can you believe it's taken five years to sell that thing?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13How he thinks it's all going to fit in this place...?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Right, I think all we need now is a needle and thread.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Ooh, my sewing box is out there on the shelf.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21If you want to go and pick some cotton, I think we'll be there.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Are you out of your tiny mind?! - What's your problem?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28In this day and age?! You'll get us all arrested!
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- Well, I only told her to go and pick some cotton...- All right! Just...
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Sorry about that. Have you met my wife, Senator Barry Goldwater?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36See what I have to live with?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40And, erm, this is looking very...
0:09:40 > 0:09:42He's got no idea.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45It's the Scarecrow Carnival.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Organised every summer, by the Reverend Wendell Wilkie,
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- in Amblesham.- Oh.- Parish newsletter?
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Big fan of yours, of course. He's always saying he'd love to meet you.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57£50 prize for the funniest entry? You should give it a go.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Give you a chance to lighten up for a change.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Enter into the community spirit.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06I don't think so.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12No, no, I can see you definitely,
0:10:12 > 0:10:13in her eyes.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21So this would've been the last Christmas before, er...?
0:10:21 > 0:10:22HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:10:27 > 0:10:30Why, Phillipa...
0:10:30 > 0:10:34after 15 years of silence does the man who packed me off
0:10:34 > 0:10:37to a foster home decide it's time to play at being a parent again?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Tell me.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Certain corners of his life were so sensitive.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47What happened to your mother and the children,
0:10:47 > 0:10:50obviously he couldn't bring himself to share with me.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I so wish I could help you, Alison, but...
0:11:00 > 0:11:04And you've had your own tragic loss to deal with, as I understand?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I mean, forgive me, I've no desire to...
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Wallow in all the gory details...
0:11:15 > 0:11:17of how my first wife was poisoned to death?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Yes, it's fair to say, Miss Teller,
0:11:24 > 0:11:26life's been a bit of a train wreck for both of us.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28The main thing is we've found each other now
0:11:28 > 0:11:32and whatever we have to face from here on, we face together.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41SHE GASPS
0:12:05 > 0:12:09"Qui olim iussit daemonia."
0:12:11 > 0:12:13"Who once commanded devils."
0:12:13 > 0:12:14Yeah, we've both seen the film.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18All that stuff in the dungeon, seriously camped up for effect.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20But based on source material?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24Contemporary accounts, from all those women who witnessed it
0:12:24 > 0:12:27with their own eyes, who had no reason to lie?
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Oh, she saw something from that window.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40What did she see?
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Something in this place that took her away from me.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47That took both my sisters.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51The truth, he said, Stephen - how do we get to the truth?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56That guy who sorted things out for YOU!
0:12:56 > 0:12:58No. Different circumstances.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00There was a fresh crime scene, hard evidence,
0:13:00 > 0:13:02clues to pick through.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04But he turned the whole case on its head when no-one else could see it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07What was his name again?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09WEATHER FORECAST ON RADIO
0:13:09 > 0:13:12'25, perhaps, but in the south it looks like clouds and rain.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13'Hovering around 15 or so.'
0:13:13 > 0:13:15DOORBELL RINGS
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Don't worry, I haven't come to baptise you!
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Mr Creek? Wendell Wilkie - St Hugh's of Amblesham.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26I should think your hair nearly caught fire, did it, yesterday?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- Excuse me? - The way your ears were burning.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Your friend Nina and I - did she tell you?
0:13:31 > 0:13:32I'm your biggest fan!
0:13:32 > 0:13:34When I found out you were right here on my doorstep...
0:13:34 > 0:13:36"Well, pop round, pay him a call," she said,
0:13:36 > 0:13:40"He won't mind, he's a lovely gent!" So, er, here I am.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43God bless you.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Oh, sorry - mustn't talk shop!
0:13:48 > 0:13:50So, what are you up to at the moment, Jonathan?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Anything exciting on the horizon?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Any juicy locked-room mysteries I should know about?
0:13:54 > 0:13:56No, it all tends to be fairly quiet these days...
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Cos that WAS a classic, wasn't it? Satan's Chimney.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03Spoiler alert - the old descending ceiling.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05You don't get cases like that any more.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08So, er, what would actually be your personal favourite, then?
0:14:08 > 0:14:10The corpse that climbed up the cellar steps...
0:14:10 > 0:14:12the vanishing skeleton - have to be top of my list.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15Anything with an empty tomb, you can't go wrong.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17As the apostle said to the heretic!
0:14:19 > 0:14:23But, no, got to come clean - there was a purpose to my visit.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25I'm sure you'll remember that horrible business -
0:14:25 > 0:14:28a while back now - in the House Of Monkeys?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Poor old scientist, ended up with a Samurai sword through his middle.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33And, of course, the guy they put away for it -
0:14:33 > 0:14:37by the name of Patrick Tyree - thanks to your endeavours,
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I've got to know quite well over the years, through my prison visits.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Nasty piece of work, you might say. Well, yes, he was,
0:14:43 > 0:14:47but no man who finds God is beyond contrition and repentance.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50And I tell you what - today, you wouldn't recognise him.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52The monster in his breast is vanquished.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54His soul has been cleansed.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56And, you know, the last thing he said to me, Jonathan,
0:14:56 > 0:14:58before he was granted parole -
0:14:58 > 0:15:01how grateful he was to you, for giving him the chance to
0:15:01 > 0:15:04reflect on his crimes, and redeem his sins.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07It just goes to show - even a man like that can finally learn
0:15:07 > 0:15:11the meaning of kindness, compassion, and humanity.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- IN FOREIGN ACCENT:- Easy now, watch how you go with that.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16It's OK, I've got it.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19This guy, I don't know what his problem is,
0:15:19 > 0:15:22but let's not give him something else to complain about.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56- There you go. - Want to see how it works?
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- Go on.- Yeah. I think it... Does it go in here somewhere?
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Stop messing about, boys! Come on, we're behind!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05We're against the clock. Come on, chop chop.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Let's get this wrapped up.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13Two-and-a-half hours of nonstop monologue.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Not since the heyday of the British sitcom
0:16:15 > 0:16:17has the Funny Vicar been so unfunny.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19And then when he got on to your magic career and said he had
0:16:19 > 0:16:21a little conjuring trick of his own to show us...
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Oh! Cutting your finger with a cake knife - that was genius!
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Totally stopped him in his tracks. Well done.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28What do you mean, "genius"? I very nearly sliced my fin...
0:16:28 > 0:16:30TOILET FLUSHES
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Now then, yes!
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I was going to impress you with my little party piece, wasn't I?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38It's a variation on an old routine, but quite fun.
0:16:38 > 0:16:42Now, did I see a needlework box around here somewhere?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Ah, yes, if I could just borrow some of these
0:16:44 > 0:16:46nice ivory-coloured buttons...
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Oh, yes, I was going to put those on a blouse I just bought.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Never fear! They'll be safe as houses - trust me.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Park over there.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07So, everything goes in shed, OK? Let's move it.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11And now, together with a length of cotton thread,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I shall place them all in my mouth, so...
0:17:16 > 0:17:18You want to get behind and pull.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- Pull!- Argh! - This weight.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Careful! - What's in this thing?!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29MUFFLED SHOUTS FROM OUTSIDE
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Watch it!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33It's going, watch! Argh!
0:17:33 > 0:17:35SPLUTTERS
0:17:35 > 0:17:37Oh, God!
0:17:37 > 0:17:39What the hell are they playing at out there?!
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Now, erm, all is not lost.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46You will get them back, I promise.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Er, what I'll do, the minute I get home...
0:17:48 > 0:17:51No! Thank you, Mr Wilkie, there's no need. I'll get some more.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- Er, will you excuse me a sec? - Of course.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58PHONE RINGS
0:17:58 > 0:17:59'Hello, sorry we're not here at the moment.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03'Please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can.'
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Hello, this is a message for Jonathan Creek.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09You won't know me, my name's Alison Belkin.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Erm, you helped my husband, Stephen, six years ago,
0:18:12 > 0:18:13when his first wife was killed.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I don't know if you remember the so-called
0:18:17 > 0:18:19"Striped Unicorn Affair" at all.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Only...
0:18:22 > 0:18:26there's something in this house that no-one can make any sense of.
0:18:28 > 0:18:34It's like, I don't know, some horrible presence that won't let go.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44Oh, yes, this'll make a nice addition to the household(!)
0:18:44 > 0:18:46We can use it as that Weimar Republic-themed
0:18:46 > 0:18:47broom cupboard we always talked about.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Yes, one of Adam's more tasteful designs.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Can't think why I kept it.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Cos I probably couldn't pay anyone to take it away.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58We may not need to.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Oh-ho-ho!
0:19:05 > 0:19:08This is going to kill - I tell you what - at the next church fete!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11How special is this? Really chuffed. Oh!
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Oh, and, er, don't forget that scarecrow, Jonathan.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16You're going to blow our socks off, I know it!
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Ta-ra!
0:19:22 > 0:19:24HORN BEEPS
0:19:26 > 0:19:30'..there's something in this house that no-one can make any sense of.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32'It's like, I don't know,
0:19:32 > 0:19:36'some horrible presence that won't let go.'
0:19:40 > 0:19:44Who was the striped eunuch on a ferret?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46I beg your pardon?
0:19:46 > 0:19:50The striped eunuch? On a...ferry?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52I heard someone talking about it the other day.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55One of your ingenious murder cases. I was just curious.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01I can only assume you're referring to the Striped Unicorn Affair,
0:20:01 > 0:20:04which I would hardly describe as ingenious,
0:20:04 > 0:20:07though it did present one or two singular features.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08Which were?
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Since when have you been interested?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Oh, I'm not! Particularly.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14If it's that big a deal.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16It's not a big deal.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Six years ago, a young guy named Stephen Belkin,
0:20:22 > 0:20:27a research chemist, was wrongly accused of murdering his wife.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Quite a high-profile bank executive.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Imelda, I think her name was.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I get a call from his solicitor - can I give them a hand,
0:20:37 > 0:20:40to sort out what appeared to be an open-and-shut case?
0:20:44 > 0:20:45For several weeks,
0:20:45 > 0:20:48she'd been getting these anonymous death threats.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53Someone with some kind of vendetta against the capitalist classes.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56Stephen, come and see this. There's another one!
0:20:59 > 0:21:01I don't understand how these keep arriving. Who does this?
0:21:01 > 0:21:07And all signed, rather mysteriously, with the name "Anti-Money".
0:21:07 > 0:21:11Night in question, the door to the bedroom's all locked and
0:21:11 > 0:21:15bolted securely from the inside, taking these threats very seriously,
0:21:15 > 0:21:19and a brand-new sealed bottle of mineral water is opened,
0:21:19 > 0:21:21which they share between them.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34So, he's first into bed, and fairly soon, out like a light.
0:21:36 > 0:21:41An hour or so goes by, she finds another one of these notes,
0:21:41 > 0:21:45in her book, announcing that she's about to die that very night.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Wake up, wake up. This was inside my book!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52Someone's been inside the room. Look.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54He does his best to reassure her
0:21:54 > 0:21:56the house and the room are totally airtight.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58No-one can possibly get in.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00The whole thing's just someone's idea of a sick joke.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06The next morning, room all securely locked still, as before,
0:22:06 > 0:22:08and she's lying there.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11You were the only two people here. I don't believe you, OK?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Well, we were clearly NOT the only two people here...
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- I don't believe your story. - ..if I woke up and she's dead.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17It turns out she's been poisoned.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19The water HE'S been drinking is fine.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22In fact, there's no way anyone else could have possibly got in there,
0:22:22 > 0:22:25and he stands to cop for all her money.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28And being a research chemist into the bargain -
0:22:28 > 0:22:31motive AND means - he's bang to rights.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Main thing it all hinged on was a child's painting
0:23:02 > 0:23:05her little niece had done, which she'd got stuck to the wall
0:23:05 > 0:23:10beside her bed - of a zebra, with a horn. Slightly odd.
0:23:10 > 0:23:14But even odder - Belkin absolutely swore blind there was
0:23:14 > 0:23:16no horn on it when she put it up there.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Hence the "striped unicorn".
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Well, that was weird.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28But, put together with the slightly protruding books on the shelf,
0:23:28 > 0:23:30quite conclusive.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I won't bore you with the solution, obviously -
0:23:32 > 0:23:33it's hardly rocket science -
0:23:33 > 0:23:36but it was enough to convince the DPP that the whole thing was
0:23:36 > 0:23:39a carefully staged fit-up, and they dropped the charge.
0:23:41 > 0:23:46I might go through some of that stuff from the mill in the morning.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48See what's what.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Night-night.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Night-night.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17How's it going, Mr Ryman? Are you nearly done, I hope?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Well, it's not a five-minute job, unfortunately.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23He did say he wanted blanket coverage.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27Oh, and the young lady said to tell you, if you want her,
0:24:27 > 0:24:29she's in the lounge.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Her and this chap who just called round.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Think they said something about an exorcism?
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Yes, just doing that now.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45One and two - both lit.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Holy water? Right, coming up.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Freshly blessed.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54May this be sealed and hallowed,
0:24:54 > 0:24:56and consecrated in the name of the...
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Sorry? You've gone a bit faint.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Wouldn't normally use one of these helplines,
0:25:03 > 0:25:05but it's not exactly my field.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07They put you through to Rawalpindi or somewhere,
0:25:07 > 0:25:09and of course the blasted connection keeps g...
0:25:09 > 0:25:10Hello?
0:25:11 > 0:25:15No, I'm seeing no green mist at the moment.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Or red mist.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19I'm not seeing any mist at all. What does that mean?
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Erm... Luke 11. Give me a second.
0:25:25 > 0:25:2914 to 22, got that.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31Sorry?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34When you say "a reliquary of St Ignatius",
0:25:34 > 0:25:38where would I get one of those on a Saturday morning?
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Hello?
0:25:39 > 0:25:40Oh, for God's sake!
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Sorry.
0:25:44 > 0:25:45No, you've gone again.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Well, anyway, just thought, perhaps I could offer my services,
0:26:19 > 0:26:20try and put your mind at rest.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24No, no, Mr Wilkie, I'm pleased you rang.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28It's not something I'd have, erm... Cos I'm not a religious person.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30I have to say that. It's just that...
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Look, do you mind if we...?
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I was the youngest of three sisters.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48My mum and dad had got divorced when I was two.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52But all I remember is we were happy, still.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55And everything was fine,
0:26:55 > 0:26:58until she got married again and we moved into this place.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Daemons' Roost.
0:27:02 > 0:27:07Weird and creepy and reeking of decay.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13Of course, that was the whole reason he'd bought it, my stepfather.
0:27:13 > 0:27:17He'd made all his money from these cheesy horror movies.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20He was so into all that stuff.
0:27:21 > 0:27:25The legend of Jacob Surtees, who used to live there.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27He even based one of his films on.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Argh!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Of course, I wasn't old enough to understand all that.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44All I knew was my mother was starting to change.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54It was so frightening to watch,
0:27:54 > 0:28:00like some kind of sinister force had found its way into her soul.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01Everywhere she went,
0:28:01 > 0:28:06every corner of the house seemed to terrify her out of her wits.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08SOBBING
0:28:08 > 0:28:13After we'd all gone to bed at night, she'd just always be crying.
0:28:17 > 0:28:18I'm scared.
0:28:18 > 0:28:23And I'll never forget the first time I heard her mention it -
0:28:23 > 0:28:24the hobgoblin.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28Like this was the thing that frightened her more than
0:28:28 > 0:28:30anything else in the world.
0:28:32 > 0:28:34Then, one day, they found her.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44And it was like nothing would ever be the same again.
0:28:44 > 0:28:47And I can't remember how soon it was after that -
0:28:47 > 0:28:49I had no idea of time...
0:28:49 > 0:28:51both my sisters...
0:28:51 > 0:28:55Something horrible happened that, to this day, has never been explained.
0:29:06 > 0:29:07The hobgoblin.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10I know - how does that fit in with the demons?
0:29:10 > 0:29:14But it's something that's stayed with me all these years.
0:29:17 > 0:29:18PHONE BEEPS
0:29:20 > 0:29:23Oh! Looks like my husband's found something.
0:29:23 > 0:29:28No, I just thought this might take us somewhere. Jacob Surtees.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31Professing his powers of sorcery and black magic.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33Author of this book's in no doubt whatsoever, he was just
0:29:33 > 0:29:36a very clever con man. And like most con men, he says, would have
0:29:36 > 0:29:40loved to ensure his cleverness was one day fully appreciated.
0:29:40 > 0:29:42And he thinks this could be a key passage,
0:29:42 > 0:29:44from one of his manuscripts. Listen...
0:29:45 > 0:29:48"To you who seek a light within the darkness
0:29:48 > 0:29:52"That lamp, on my account, shall not be lit.
0:29:52 > 0:29:55"Though such a course be palpably beneath me now
0:29:55 > 0:29:58"The clue is in the foot that does not fit."
0:30:00 > 0:30:03The foot that does not fit. Whose foot?
0:30:07 > 0:30:09Things you hang on to.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13East Germany, Yugoslavia...
0:30:14 > 0:30:16South Vietnam!
0:30:16 > 0:30:17God, I'm old.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22Your first conjuring set.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24- That was actually my brother's.- Oh.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Yeah, one of the many things he got me started on.
0:30:27 > 0:30:30- I didn't realise it was Terry that...- Yeah.
0:30:32 > 0:30:34He had a lot to answer for,
0:30:34 > 0:30:36one way or another.
0:30:40 > 0:30:44And what have we here? Oh, look, an old school report!
0:30:44 > 0:30:46"JW Creek. Age - 15.
0:30:46 > 0:30:49"Sex - he seems to find this a struggle."
0:30:49 > 0:30:51Oh, no, sorry, that's German.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53And it says you were in the school play.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55"In the end-of-term production of A Tale Of Two Cities,
0:30:55 > 0:30:58"he touched all the girls with his..."
0:30:58 > 0:31:00"Portrayal..."
0:31:00 > 0:31:03"..portrayal of Sydney Carton,
0:31:03 > 0:31:06"ably evoking the character's final act of self-sacrifice."
0:31:06 > 0:31:08He pretends to be the Frenchman Charles Darnay,
0:31:08 > 0:31:11so he can take his place on the guillotine.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15Ends up losing his head so that another man may live.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18Many would say it was my finest hour.
0:31:18 > 0:31:20Oh, look at you.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22I wonder why you didn't take it up, then. Acting. You'd have been good.
0:31:22 > 0:31:25Yeah, that would have gone down a treat with my father(!)
0:31:25 > 0:31:27I might as well have told him I liked wearing bras.
0:31:29 > 0:31:32Cos this was all completely real to me, at the time.
0:31:36 > 0:31:40Jonathan! Jonathan! Come and see what I found in the woods!
0:31:40 > 0:31:42He was eight, I was four.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Told me he'd met these magic pixies in the wood,
0:31:45 > 0:31:47who'd given him special powers.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Course, I didn't believe a word of it.
0:31:54 > 0:31:58But then I started finding these little letters under my pillow,
0:31:58 > 0:32:01in tiny spindly writing, from the pixies,
0:32:01 > 0:32:04telling me it was all completely true -
0:32:04 > 0:32:06he was now a fully qualified wizard,
0:32:06 > 0:32:10and if I didn't watch my step, he was going to turn me into a newt.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12He was an evil sod.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14And so did you, then?
0:32:15 > 0:32:16What?
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Like wearing bras?
0:32:18 > 0:32:19What ARE you talking about?
0:32:19 > 0:32:21No, it doesn't matter. I'm not judging you.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23For goodness' sake.
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Right, well, I'll leave you to it, then, shall I?
0:32:25 > 0:32:27I don't suppose you've given any more thought to...
0:32:27 > 0:32:29I'm not going to build a scarecrow.
0:32:30 > 0:32:32That looks like your mum, I'm sure it does.
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Oh, my mother's better-looking than that!
0:32:34 > 0:32:38MUSIC: Funeral March Of A Marionette by Charles Gounod
0:33:08 > 0:33:10(Foot... Foot...)
0:33:25 > 0:33:27(Yes!)
0:33:29 > 0:33:32'Well, it's my belief he's not referring to a foot on a leg
0:33:32 > 0:33:34'or 12 inches at all -
0:33:34 > 0:33:36'but to a student of poetry, of course,'
0:33:36 > 0:33:40a "foot" is also a metrical unit in a line of verse.
0:33:40 > 0:33:42And if you go through the whole thing - "To you who seek a light
0:33:42 > 0:33:43"within the darkness
0:33:43 > 0:33:45"That lamp, on my account, shall not be lit.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48"Though such a course be palpably beneath me now
0:33:48 > 0:33:51"The clue is in the foot that does not fit."
0:33:51 > 0:33:53It's the third line that's wrong -
0:33:53 > 0:33:55there's one syllable too many at the end.
0:33:55 > 0:33:57"Beneath me now" is the foot that doesn't fit.
0:33:57 > 0:34:01And "beneath me now" - surely - can only refer to one place.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04If he left us something behind to explain what he did,
0:34:04 > 0:34:06it could literally still be there.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Underneath him, in his grave.
0:34:09 > 0:34:11This is going to be fun.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13- STEPHEN:- Yeah, and best avoided in broad daylight.
0:34:15 > 0:34:19If my wife ever finds out I've committed this sacrilege,
0:34:19 > 0:34:20she'll brain me.
0:34:20 > 0:34:25It can't be sacrilege, Mr Ryman, when he's the disciple of Satan.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28Now, get digging.
0:34:50 > 0:34:54Now, then, let's see if our friend's theory is...
0:34:55 > 0:34:58ALL YELL
0:35:12 > 0:35:13You see?
0:35:13 > 0:35:18Yeah, I told you you'd come up with a masterpiece, once you got going.
0:35:18 > 0:35:19What is it exactly?
0:35:21 > 0:35:24What do you mean, "What is it"? It's obvious.
0:35:24 > 0:35:26Oh, yes! Of course, it's brilliant!
0:35:26 > 0:35:28Phill Jupitus.
0:35:28 > 0:35:31Phill Jupitus?! It's Alfred Hitchcock.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35It's a play on the famous publicity stills he did for The Birds.
0:35:35 > 0:35:37Oh, yes. No, very funny.
0:35:37 > 0:35:41It's funny! Maybe not laugh-out-loud, but it's...
0:35:41 > 0:35:44- Mm-hm.- It's witty by implication.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47What you've got is a scarecrow that's scaring crows, by means of
0:35:47 > 0:35:50a person who made a very scary movie about crows scaring people,
0:35:50 > 0:35:53so it's subliminally ironic.
0:35:53 > 0:35:57OK. You don't think, if you got two bulging ping-pong ball eyes...
0:35:57 > 0:35:59I'm not dumbing it down just to get a cheap laugh.
0:35:59 > 0:36:01- No, no, you're right.- Thank you.
0:36:04 > 0:36:08Anyway, I think I got there in the end, with that unicorn business.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11The horn on the zebra was done in poisoned paint,
0:36:11 > 0:36:13which the murderer then got to drip into her glass,
0:36:13 > 0:36:16somehow or other, during the middle of the night.
0:36:18 > 0:36:19Very, very good.
0:36:20 > 0:36:21Wrong, but very good.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26No, they tested the paint, it was just harmless watercolour.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30Fairly obviously, that whole unicorn thing was just incidental.
0:36:30 > 0:36:32The fact that the picture was only loosely stuck to the wall
0:36:32 > 0:36:34with Blu-Tack was the clue.
0:36:35 > 0:36:39What if it had slipped down beforehand through 90 degrees,
0:36:39 > 0:36:42and then something had splashed it, causing it to dribble,
0:36:42 > 0:36:46so that when it was put back, it just LOOKED like a horn?
0:36:46 > 0:36:48And clearly something had landed in the water,
0:36:48 > 0:36:51which could only have come from that shelf, just above.
0:36:51 > 0:36:55A shelf that had been very slightly raised at one end,
0:36:55 > 0:36:59so something small and round and lethal would be
0:36:59 > 0:37:04exactly channelled down towards the spot where her glass stood,
0:37:04 > 0:37:07and just invisibly dissolve in the water.
0:37:07 > 0:37:11Let's say the book she's reading has been deliberately replaced,
0:37:11 > 0:37:13about halfway along.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16The second she retrieves it, the whole thing's set in motion.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34A few telltale crystals they found behind the books
0:37:34 > 0:37:35just about sealed it.
0:37:35 > 0:37:38Of course, they never did track down this mysterious Anti-Money
0:37:38 > 0:37:42character, though they'd have had a hard time in any case to prove...
0:37:42 > 0:37:43PHONE RINGS
0:37:46 > 0:37:47Jonathan Creek. Hello.
0:37:49 > 0:37:50Ah, Mr Wilkie.
0:37:51 > 0:37:53Sorry? Daemons' what?
0:37:54 > 0:37:56No, what phone message was this?
0:38:13 > 0:38:16The coffin I have reburied, Mr Clore.
0:38:16 > 0:38:18And as long as you know, it wasn't my idea, any of this -
0:38:18 > 0:38:20I didn't want any part of it.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Whatever it was that flew out of that thing, it's fair to say
0:38:22 > 0:38:25it's put a slight dent on our policy of cynical detachment.
0:38:26 > 0:38:27God help us all.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35I know you know so much.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41So much you can never tell us.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46If only you could tell us.
0:39:22 > 0:39:25Oh, my God! Call an ambulance!
0:39:25 > 0:39:26Call an ambulance!
0:39:26 > 0:39:28I'm afraid...
0:39:30 > 0:39:31..that won't be necessary.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41'So you're saying they're all out there, digging up
0:39:41 > 0:39:44'this bloke's grave, as you do, in the middle of the night?!'
0:39:44 > 0:39:46We're talking about a coffin that's been buried underneath
0:39:46 > 0:39:49- six feet of soil, for 150 years. - MACHINE BEEPS
0:39:49 > 0:39:51And not one but three witnesses, Jonathan!
0:39:51 > 0:39:54'OK, I think we need to put these theories about resident demons
0:39:54 > 0:39:57'on hold for a bit, don't we? And try and be sensible.'
0:39:57 > 0:39:58Sorry, could you just excuse me
0:39:58 > 0:40:01while I turn off the washing machine, or it'll drive us mad.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12Oh! My godfathers!
0:40:17 > 0:40:20'Hello? Are you still there? What's going on?'
0:40:20 > 0:40:23Yes, er, I don't want to worry you, Jonathan,
0:40:23 > 0:40:25but there's been a bit of an incident.
0:40:27 > 0:40:29I'm still a little hazy as to why you happened to have
0:40:29 > 0:40:32a life-size effigy of Mr Creek in your sitting room,
0:40:32 > 0:40:35but then the personal proclivities of the clergy have always been
0:40:35 > 0:40:38a closed book to me - and are not germane to this present inquiry.
0:40:38 > 0:40:42Suffice to say, it's served to alert us to the fact that Tyree
0:40:42 > 0:40:44obviously has a score to settle,
0:40:44 > 0:40:47and it won't take him long to rumble what's happened and try again.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Rest assured, we are on the case,
0:40:51 > 0:40:55but 24-hour protection is not a luxury we can currently afford.
0:40:55 > 0:40:59In the meantime, I'd think seriously about switching bases,
0:40:59 > 0:41:01maybe to somewhere nice and safe, and out of the way,
0:41:01 > 0:41:04where he's less likely to find you.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06I don't know if anywhere occurs at all,
0:41:06 > 0:41:08that would fit that particular bill.
0:41:19 > 0:41:21Jonathan, hi. Come in.
0:41:21 > 0:41:23Stephen. How have you been?
0:41:23 > 0:41:25- And you've not met Polly.- Hello.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28Yes, out of one frying pan - thanks to you -
0:41:28 > 0:41:31and into another fire, it seems. I gather Mr Wilkie's, erm...
0:41:31 > 0:41:34Yes, filled us in on pretty much everything.
0:41:34 > 0:41:35And listen, it's open-ended,
0:41:35 > 0:41:39so feel free to stick around for as long as it takes.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41- Phillipa's lived here six years, nearly...- That's right.
0:41:41 > 0:41:43..nursing him right up to the end,
0:41:43 > 0:41:45so she'll be able to answer most of your questions.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49Oh, God! Do you know what?
0:41:49 > 0:41:52Just having you here in the house - I'm feeling safer already.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58It's, erm, not what you'd call pokey here, exactly, is it?
0:41:58 > 0:41:59Well, we don't even use...
0:42:03 > 0:42:06So it couldn't have worked out better, then, really, could it(?)
0:42:06 > 0:42:09Stalked by a homicidal, knife-wielding psychopath -
0:42:09 > 0:42:13plus a nice romantic getaway for two on the set of the Amityville Horror.
0:42:13 > 0:42:17You wonder why I try and filter all this weirdness out of our life?
0:42:17 > 0:42:20Because I still have this rather quaint affection for breathing.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22SHE SNIFFS
0:42:27 > 0:42:31Jonathan - dead rat. Oh, God, what do we do?
0:42:31 > 0:42:33I'll get them to send one up.
0:42:34 > 0:42:37Now, from this picture of the place, as it originally was,
0:42:37 > 0:42:40you've got some other outbuildings and an old chapel here,
0:42:40 > 0:42:42which have all mostly disappeared.
0:42:42 > 0:42:46If we believe all this guff about an underground dungeon,
0:42:46 > 0:42:49where grown men were sent flying across the room,
0:42:49 > 0:42:50it does make you wonder if...
0:42:50 > 0:42:51Jonathan!
0:42:55 > 0:42:57Oh, yeah, sorry.
0:42:57 > 0:42:59Dead rat. Remove.
0:43:05 > 0:43:06Any preference which one?
0:43:29 > 0:43:31When was it electromagnetism first kicked in?
0:43:31 > 0:43:33Wasn't there some magician, about that time,
0:43:33 > 0:43:35who used it in one of his tricks?
0:43:35 > 0:43:38Robert-Houdin - The Light And Heavy Chest.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41Be around the mid-1800s.
0:43:41 > 0:43:44Yeah, it would have to be a pretty powerful force
0:43:44 > 0:43:47to whisk people like that 50 feet through the air.
0:43:47 > 0:43:50Or, alternatively, a very weak force.
0:43:51 > 0:43:56Erm, this letter, Alison, you say he sent to you...
0:43:56 > 0:43:57About two weeks ago.
0:43:57 > 0:44:00It doesn't say very much, just how sorry he was we'd lost
0:44:00 > 0:44:04contact all those years, and now it was time I "learned the truth".
0:44:04 > 0:44:07Second page is just directions to the house and how
0:44:07 > 0:44:09he hopes we'll both be able to settle down here.
0:44:09 > 0:44:12Mmm. But I wonder why he'd do that.
0:44:12 > 0:44:15Put the date again at the top,
0:44:15 > 0:44:18which is four days after the date on the first page.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20Can't have taken him five days to write,
0:44:20 > 0:44:21what, a couple of dozen lines?
0:44:21 > 0:44:23But what about last night, guys?
0:44:23 > 0:44:26That was like nothing human came out of there.
0:44:29 > 0:44:32Don't know. There's definitely some stuff going on round here that
0:44:32 > 0:44:35someone's desperate to keep a lid on, but...
0:44:37 > 0:44:39..how the hell it all fits together...
0:44:43 > 0:44:48A lot of CCTV around the house, I can't help noticing.
0:44:48 > 0:44:50Well, there's another mystery.
0:44:50 > 0:44:53Evidently, something he'd ordered up just before she came.
0:44:53 > 0:44:55As to why, your guess is as good as mine.
0:45:00 > 0:45:03So, your wife having an early night?
0:45:04 > 0:45:06Feeling the strain of events, I think.
0:45:29 > 0:45:30POLLY SCREAMS AND GASPS
0:45:34 > 0:45:36Oh!
0:45:53 > 0:45:57- Oh! - Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you.
0:45:58 > 0:46:00Been a bit of a day, hasn't it? All in all.
0:46:00 > 0:46:03Yes, and I'm feeling a little queasy, Mr Wilkie.
0:46:03 > 0:46:06Cos I forgot to give them to you, didn't I?
0:46:06 > 0:46:09Earlier on - your buttons. All now safely retrieved,
0:46:09 > 0:46:12courtesy of a quick-acting emetic, soon as I got home.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14Oh...
0:46:14 > 0:46:17- They HAVE been through the dishwasher.- Ah.
0:46:18 > 0:46:20Tell you what you need, Polly, is
0:46:20 > 0:46:22to suck on as many ice cubes as you can.
0:46:22 > 0:46:24- No better cure for nausea.- Ah...
0:46:25 > 0:46:30Such a shame they only ever got to see him as he was at the end.
0:46:32 > 0:46:36I really believe he was terribly fond of her.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39The fact that she came back will have meant a lot to him.
0:46:39 > 0:46:43But he never shared it with you - anything from his past -
0:46:43 > 0:46:45that would have helped us now?
0:46:45 > 0:46:47Well, sometimes, when he'd had a drink or two,
0:46:47 > 0:46:50you'd see him loosen up a little, but...
0:46:51 > 0:46:53..he was under strictest orders to keep off alcohol.
0:46:53 > 0:46:55Paid no attention to that.
0:46:56 > 0:47:00I just gave up in the end, trying to frustrate his little schemes -
0:47:00 > 0:47:03like filling up the ice trays with neat vodka.
0:47:03 > 0:47:06He could be quite a wily old customer when he wanted.
0:47:43 > 0:47:44POLLY SCREAMS
0:47:48 > 0:47:51Oh, my God! Oh, my God, no!
0:47:51 > 0:47:55No! Agh! Agh! Can this get any worse?!
0:47:55 > 0:47:57Oh, God, you made me jump!
0:47:57 > 0:47:59I was trying NOT to make you jump!
0:47:59 > 0:48:01What, have you gone completely blind now?
0:48:01 > 0:48:03No, she was just telling me,
0:48:03 > 0:48:05the undertakers couldn't make it till the morning.
0:48:25 > 0:48:30So, what do we think about your amazing detective friend, Mr Creek?
0:48:30 > 0:48:32Doesn't give a whole lot away, does h...?
0:48:34 > 0:48:35Stephen?
0:48:39 > 0:48:41Hello?
0:48:41 > 0:48:42Somebody down here?
0:48:46 > 0:48:47Who is that?
0:48:47 > 0:48:49Stephen?
0:48:52 > 0:48:54LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS REPEATEDLY
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Come on, this isn't funny.
0:48:58 > 0:48:59Stephen?
0:48:59 > 0:49:01Are you in here?
0:49:04 > 0:49:05What's happening?
0:49:08 > 0:49:11ALISON SCREAMS
0:49:13 > 0:49:16See, I just don't buy this.
0:49:16 > 0:49:202nd of August and the 6th of August. You're not telling me
0:49:20 > 0:49:24he left four days between writing these two pages?
0:49:24 > 0:49:27Someone's trying to be clever here, but not clever enough.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29Is there a fire alarm going off somewhere?
0:49:29 > 0:49:33Says it's time she learned the truth, and then goes into
0:49:33 > 0:49:36lengthy directions about how to get to the house.
0:49:36 > 0:49:39Highly significant, you'd have to say.
0:49:39 > 0:49:41The minute I finish orbiting this light fitting, I tell you,
0:49:41 > 0:49:43I'm out of here.
0:49:43 > 0:49:44Bloody man!
0:49:49 > 0:49:50Highly significant - how?
0:49:53 > 0:49:57You look at this second date again, more closely,
0:49:57 > 0:49:59and then compare it to the first one - what do you notice?
0:50:01 > 0:50:02Ohh!
0:50:02 > 0:50:03What?
0:50:05 > 0:50:10The ink on the "th" and the "Aug" is a very slightly different colour,
0:50:10 > 0:50:13and a brave but unsuccessful attempt
0:50:13 > 0:50:16has been made to copy the handwriting.
0:50:16 > 0:50:20Conclusion - they were added in afterwards, by someone else,
0:50:20 > 0:50:21to what was already there.
0:50:21 > 0:50:24Which was just the number six.
0:50:24 > 0:50:27Now disguised to look like a date
0:50:27 > 0:50:30which, together with the rather abrupt change in topic,
0:50:30 > 0:50:35between one sheet and the other, surely only points to one thing -
0:50:35 > 0:50:39that pages two to five of the original letter
0:50:39 > 0:50:44that Clore wrote to Alison were removed before it got to her,
0:50:44 > 0:50:51by person or persons unknown, to stop her reading about "the truth".
0:50:59 > 0:51:01GROANING
0:51:05 > 0:51:07MOANING
0:51:09 > 0:51:12SCREAMING
0:51:43 > 0:51:45BIRDS CAW
0:51:57 > 0:51:59Oh, everyone having a lie-in?
0:51:59 > 0:52:02Mr Wilkie had a christening to attend to, and I'm not sure
0:52:02 > 0:52:05where Mr and Mrs Belkin have got to this m...
0:52:16 > 0:52:19And that's absolutely everything, Alison, you can remember?
0:52:19 > 0:52:22You have no recollection of being taken into this place
0:52:22 > 0:52:23or out again afterwards?
0:52:23 > 0:52:25Oh, if only I AM going mad.
0:52:25 > 0:52:29Having nightmares, sleepwalking, anything but that...
0:52:29 > 0:52:32Sounds to me as if whatever they drugged you with had
0:52:32 > 0:52:34some kind of hallucinogenic effect, maybe? Or...
0:52:34 > 0:52:36So where is he?
0:52:36 > 0:52:38You say he's not in the house.
0:52:38 > 0:52:39Oh, dear God.
0:52:39 > 0:52:41DOORBELL RINGS
0:52:41 > 0:52:43Oh, sorry. Funeral directors.
0:52:43 > 0:52:45I'll have to, er...
0:52:45 > 0:52:46Yes, of course.
0:52:49 > 0:52:51Your poor stepfather.
0:52:51 > 0:52:54Must have been such a shock when he...
0:52:56 > 0:53:01Just before he died, it's like he was trying to say something.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04With his eyes.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07And his chair was just there and she was next to him.
0:53:07 > 0:53:10Seemed like he kept looking back and forth...
0:53:12 > 0:53:16First, at my mobile phone on the table, and then over to that door,
0:53:16 > 0:53:21three or four times, and...then...
0:53:24 > 0:53:26I don't know, he just, he just...
0:53:27 > 0:53:30Oh, it's OK, you'll be getting drowsy.
0:53:30 > 0:53:33Best if you just lie down, try and sleep it off.
0:53:33 > 0:53:36End of the day, you're going to find out -
0:53:36 > 0:53:41it's just one of those scary things that never actually happened.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44I promise, because, well, how COULD it have happened?
0:53:53 > 0:53:55"Just one of those scary things"?
0:53:55 > 0:53:56The poor girl was in bits!
0:53:56 > 0:54:00Anyway, you don't believe it's possible she saw all that?
0:54:00 > 0:54:04Her husband being magically teleported into a furnace,
0:54:04 > 0:54:06by a demented Satan worshipper?
0:54:07 > 0:54:12Hmm. The teleportation part, I can certainly believe.
0:54:12 > 0:54:16It's the demented Satan worshipper I'm having more trouble with.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18- What? - PHONE BEEPS
0:54:21 > 0:54:23Oh, it's a picture from Nina, with her scarecrow.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27Yeah, very nice, but I'm not in the mood right now.
0:54:27 > 0:54:33Scarecrow. Oh! Deus ex machina. That would CERTAINLY do it.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36I Think it's high time, don't YOU, we had
0:54:36 > 0:54:38a scout round that grave out there?
0:54:41 > 0:54:43So, we on a ghost hunt, then, now?
0:54:45 > 0:54:48Please don't tell me you're planning to dig all that up again.
0:54:48 > 0:54:50Not unless we have to.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53If my first instinct was anywhere near correct,
0:54:53 > 0:54:55about that routine in the torture chamber,
0:54:55 > 0:54:58then this coffin thing shouldn't be too much of a headache.
0:54:58 > 0:55:00Doesn't even bear thinking about.
0:55:00 > 0:55:03Some stupid old piece of folklore
0:55:03 > 0:55:05that was completely impossible in the first place.
0:55:07 > 0:55:10You don't really think that poor man might have...?
0:55:10 > 0:55:12The way it happened, quite obviously, was a trick,
0:55:12 > 0:55:15cleverly designed to spook everyone.
0:55:15 > 0:55:19Same way it did all those other women that Surtees brought there
0:55:19 > 0:55:22in order to terrify them into surren...
0:55:23 > 0:55:25Ah.
0:55:26 > 0:55:28Aha!
0:55:28 > 0:55:29Now, then.
0:55:29 > 0:55:32Oh, a rusty ring! All is solved(!)
0:55:32 > 0:55:35Come on, a rusty ring that was once part of...
0:55:39 > 0:55:42Ah, think I'm starting to see...
0:55:43 > 0:55:45Am I?
0:55:45 > 0:55:48Knowing that one day someone was going to fathom out that clue,
0:55:48 > 0:55:52as a final parting shot, in order to scare the living crap out of them,
0:55:52 > 0:55:57he sets up what is essentially a very high-powered jack-in-the-box.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01And a pretty nifty piece of work, you have to say,
0:56:01 > 0:56:02to stand that test of time.
0:56:02 > 0:56:04So he was never even buried here in the first place.
0:56:06 > 0:56:07Oh!
0:56:08 > 0:56:10You might be right. There's another
0:56:10 > 0:56:12piece of the spring here as well, look.
0:56:14 > 0:56:17But we still haven't found anything that tells us who's behind
0:56:17 > 0:56:19all that other...
0:56:19 > 0:56:21No, the fact we haven't found anything might tell us
0:56:21 > 0:56:22EXACTLY who's behind it.
0:56:37 > 0:56:39PHONE RINGS
0:56:56 > 0:56:58It just seems an unlikely coincidence -
0:56:58 > 0:57:01this magic dungeon makes a reappearance
0:57:01 > 0:57:04immediately after that grave was opened the other night.
0:57:04 > 0:57:06Oh, do you think maybe that was the entrance to it?
0:57:06 > 0:57:09Or else furnished some clue to the entrance.
0:57:11 > 0:57:15Underground crypt of some kind? Now very recently accessed -
0:57:15 > 0:57:18somewhere round here, beneath our feet.
0:57:18 > 0:57:22Depends how good a job they made, I suppose, of covering up afterwards.
0:57:22 > 0:57:25- Mmm.- Might be a hands and knees job.
0:57:25 > 0:57:28Start at the front, maybe, then work our way round?
0:57:28 > 0:57:30And, of course, what we still don't know is,
0:57:30 > 0:57:34who was it killed that first wife in your clever poisoning case?
0:57:34 > 0:57:37And if they had a grudge against both of them,
0:57:37 > 0:57:40why wait all this time to take out the husband?
0:57:41 > 0:57:44If that IS what they've done.
0:57:44 > 0:57:47Or else, are they entirely unrelated?
0:57:48 > 0:57:53Remembering our "Anti-Money" character, from those death threats,
0:57:53 > 0:57:56who was supposedly killing for political reasons, but it was
0:57:56 > 0:58:00MRS Belkin who was drawing all the big bankers' bonuses,
0:58:00 > 0:58:02so why take it all out on a research chemist,
0:58:02 > 0:58:06who has no connection with the world of high finance of any ki...?
0:58:07 > 0:58:09What?
0:58:09 > 0:58:12I can't believe I missed that.
0:58:12 > 0:58:15Six years it's been sitting there, I never saw it.
0:58:15 > 0:58:18- Saw what?- Research chemist.
0:58:18 > 0:58:20Oh, if you want a detective brain-teaser,
0:58:20 > 0:58:21that one takes the biscuit.
0:58:54 > 0:58:58Funny how a thing can bother you at the time - under the surface -
0:58:58 > 0:59:00but you just let it go.
0:59:00 > 0:59:03That signature - "Anti-Money".
0:59:03 > 0:59:06Well, I suppose it makes sense for someone who's deeply opposed
0:59:06 > 0:59:08to the whole culture of capitalism, but...
0:59:10 > 0:59:13Could it be a coincidence? Could it be a double bluff?
0:59:13 > 0:59:16Or could it be that whoever it was that murdered his wife
0:59:16 > 0:59:21was daring to taunt us by declaring their identity in some kind of code?
0:59:21 > 0:59:23"Anti-Money".
0:59:24 > 0:59:27- Sorry?- Just need to check that I'm remembering it right
0:59:28 > 0:59:30And I am.
0:59:33 > 0:59:35What do you reckon?
0:59:35 > 0:59:37Antimony.
0:59:38 > 0:59:40Toxic metallic element. Atomic number 51.
0:59:40 > 0:59:42Chemical symbol Sb.
0:59:44 > 0:59:46Sb.
0:59:46 > 0:59:47Oh!
0:59:47 > 0:59:50Too much of a stretch, surely! Stephen Belkin?
0:59:50 > 0:59:53What, deliberately staged that whole thing
0:59:53 > 0:59:56to look impossible, so that he'd be accused of murder?
0:59:56 > 0:59:58And then got you in to prove it was someone else?
0:59:58 > 1:00:00Wouldn't be unheard of.
1:00:06 > 1:00:07If I hadn't got there by myself,
1:00:07 > 1:00:10he could have gently nudged me in the right directions.
1:00:10 > 1:00:12And looked at from this distance,
1:00:12 > 1:00:15doesn't it all seem just a little too perfect?
1:00:15 > 1:00:19That painting on the wall supposedly slipping down that very night.
1:00:19 > 1:00:22And the splash mark from the water that very conveniently
1:00:22 > 1:00:24created the horn on the zebra?
1:00:24 > 1:00:27It's just the kind of things he knew I'd pick up on.
1:00:45 > 1:00:47Ugh!
1:00:47 > 1:00:49Stephen...
1:00:50 > 1:00:51Ugh!
1:00:55 > 1:00:58SHE GASPS FOR BREATH
1:01:13 > 1:01:14Well, I don't know.
1:01:14 > 1:01:17You're going to need a lot more than that to convince her
1:01:17 > 1:01:18she married a killer.
1:01:18 > 1:01:20I know.
1:01:20 > 1:01:21I know.
1:02:23 > 1:02:25You knew about this.
1:02:26 > 1:02:28All along. Everything.
1:02:31 > 1:02:33The hobgoblin.
1:02:42 > 1:02:45A lot of flattened grass just here.
1:02:45 > 1:02:47I think we could be getting warm.
1:02:54 > 1:02:56Oh, well done, you.
1:02:56 > 1:02:59- If I had a biscuit... - Don't push it, sunshine.
1:03:02 > 1:03:05JONATHAN GRUNTS
1:03:16 > 1:03:18You ready to face the demons?
1:03:18 > 1:03:19Let's get on with it.
1:04:29 > 1:04:31Interesting.
1:04:33 > 1:04:34Very interesting.
1:04:36 > 1:04:39And, of course, you know exactly what's on the other side of this.
1:04:39 > 1:04:42Well, there was only ever one possibility
1:04:42 > 1:04:45that would tie together all those first-hand accounts
1:04:45 > 1:04:49of demonic powers and a boring old thing called the real world.
1:04:53 > 1:04:56DOOR CREAKS
1:04:59 > 1:05:01Careful how you go...
1:05:17 > 1:05:20LOUD CREAKING
1:05:27 > 1:05:3090 degree shift in the viewers' perspective,
1:05:30 > 1:05:32and there was no mystery to it at all.
1:05:47 > 1:05:48What IS that?
1:05:48 > 1:05:50A work of art in itself.
1:05:50 > 1:05:54Certainly puts all those village scarecrows to shame.
1:05:55 > 1:05:58One of the signature tricks of 19th-century magic.
1:06:00 > 1:06:03It's a very skilfully constructed automaton.
1:06:06 > 1:06:09The most persuasive part of the whole deception.
1:06:11 > 1:06:14Don't know why it took me so long to tumble.
1:06:21 > 1:06:27Here, we presume, is our "fiery furnace in the wall".
1:06:33 > 1:06:34Oil of some kind.
1:06:35 > 1:06:40Piped in, maybe, or some kind of supply tank somewhere.
1:06:40 > 1:06:41Very recently ignited.
1:06:45 > 1:06:47POLLY SIGHS
1:06:47 > 1:06:49Do we really want to see what's under here?
1:06:49 > 1:06:51Just curious as to where it was all controlled from.
1:06:54 > 1:06:58A handy little recess, suitably disguised.
1:06:58 > 1:07:00CLUNKING AND RATTLING
1:07:09 > 1:07:11DOOR SLAMS
1:07:15 > 1:07:19And this is where he worked it. Simple, but effective.
1:07:26 > 1:07:28So when they all woke up on this thing,
1:07:28 > 1:07:31I suppose they'd be in such a drugged state to start with...
1:07:31 > 1:07:34And strapped on so tight, they'd have no sense of gravity.
1:07:34 > 1:07:37Ah, yes. Your relatively weak physical force.
1:07:37 > 1:07:40Well, you have to hand it to these Victorian engineers -
1:07:40 > 1:07:42they certainly built things to last.
1:07:42 > 1:07:44So who the hell do you think is behind all...?
1:07:44 > 1:07:46POLLY GASPS
1:07:47 > 1:07:49Where is he? Where is he?
1:07:53 > 1:07:57Jonathan Creek! Show yourself!
1:07:57 > 1:07:58Well, he's, erm...
1:07:58 > 1:08:01- Come on.- He's, erm...
1:08:01 > 1:08:04I'm not here to play Hunt The Thimble.
1:08:04 > 1:08:07Creek! You and me have got some unfinished business to sort out!
1:08:14 > 1:08:17CREAKING AND RATTLING
1:08:21 > 1:08:24GRUNTING AND SQUEALING
1:08:30 > 1:08:34Yeah, that's going to work(!) Piece of shit Wizard Of Oz routine!
1:08:34 > 1:08:36I don't think you're hearing me!
1:08:36 > 1:08:41This floor's going to get very red and sticky in a minute.
1:08:41 > 1:08:43Wait, erm, how did you...?
1:08:43 > 1:08:44Yeah, it took a while.
1:08:44 > 1:08:48One of your neighbours had some very helpful suggestions.
1:08:48 > 1:08:52OK, I'm not waiting for Christmas, Mr Creek!
1:08:52 > 1:08:54It's you or the young lady here.
1:08:56 > 1:08:57Decision time!
1:09:01 > 1:09:03TYREE YELLS
1:09:03 > 1:09:05POLLY SCREAMS
1:09:31 > 1:09:34ALL YELL TYREE SNARLS
1:09:34 > 1:09:36Come here!
1:09:40 > 1:09:42- Get the matches.- What?
1:09:42 > 1:09:43They're on the floor.
1:09:46 > 1:09:47You're dead!
1:09:49 > 1:09:50JONATHAN YELLS
1:09:50 > 1:09:52You're dead now, Creek!
1:09:52 > 1:09:54Oh!
1:10:07 > 1:10:08Get off!
1:10:08 > 1:10:10Oh, quick!
1:10:28 > 1:10:32POLLY SOBS
1:10:38 > 1:10:40ALISON SOBS
1:10:43 > 1:10:44Yeah, we will.
1:10:45 > 1:10:50Don't think he couldn't tell you were holding something back -
1:10:50 > 1:10:53who you think it was behind all that last night.
1:10:54 > 1:10:56There's one very obvious candidate, but...
1:10:56 > 1:11:01my track record here's been pretty iffy so far, I could be way off.
1:11:01 > 1:11:04There's too much stuff pulling in the wrong direction.
1:11:04 > 1:11:07Hang on a sec. Is that the photo she sent?
1:11:07 > 1:11:09Nina? With her scarecrow?
1:11:10 > 1:11:12What?
1:11:14 > 1:11:16Because when you told me that she told you...
1:11:17 > 1:11:21Oh, you see? Too many easy assumptions.
1:11:23 > 1:11:25Now the options start to open again,
1:11:25 > 1:11:28cos when he was staring at her mobile - Clore -
1:11:28 > 1:11:30and then through the open doorway,
1:11:30 > 1:11:34and then there's the mystery of all the last-minute security cameras,
1:11:34 > 1:11:36which surely just about seals it.
1:11:41 > 1:11:45Unlikely as it may seem, I think we have our killer.
1:11:52 > 1:11:55Alison, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
1:11:55 > 1:11:57If there's anything I can do...
1:12:11 > 1:12:13Good evening.
1:12:20 > 1:12:22- Er, gin and tonic, please. - Certainly, sir.
1:12:43 > 1:12:44He's on his way.
1:12:46 > 1:12:47Thank you.
1:12:48 > 1:12:50Hello, sir.
1:12:50 > 1:12:52Ryman, a table for eight o'clock.
1:12:52 > 1:12:53Thank you.
1:13:00 > 1:13:01Good evening, sir.
1:13:01 > 1:13:03- A glass of red wine, please. - Yes, sir.
1:13:12 > 1:13:16Mr Ryman? We were never properly introduced, at the house.
1:13:16 > 1:13:20Wendell Wilkie, and this is Jonathan Creek, and Polly.
1:13:20 > 1:13:23You can probably guess how much we already know.
1:13:23 > 1:13:26This is more in the way of a mopping-up operation.
1:13:26 > 1:13:27Creek.
1:13:29 > 1:13:30You were the one...
1:13:30 > 1:13:32Helped Stephen Belkin get away with murdering his wife.
1:13:34 > 1:13:39A crime for which, we assume, you've now brought him to justice,
1:13:39 > 1:13:42in a suitably grisly fashion.
1:13:42 > 1:13:45I'm guessing it wasn't exactly planned that way,
1:13:45 > 1:13:46you were just on his tail,
1:13:46 > 1:13:50ready to strike when the conditions were right.
1:13:50 > 1:13:53I don't think any of us see you as a professional hit man,
1:13:53 > 1:13:56so someone with a personal stake in the case?
1:13:58 > 1:14:00That picture of a grazing zebra,
1:14:00 > 1:14:05painted by his niece, suggested a family connection overseas.
1:14:05 > 1:14:09So, a close relative, maybe? Someone in the domestic security business,
1:14:09 > 1:14:12who would have had the perfect cover
1:14:12 > 1:14:15to hang around the house all day and monitor his target.
1:14:16 > 1:14:18Feel free to correct me at any point.
1:14:20 > 1:14:22I deny everything, naturally.
1:14:24 > 1:14:28And knowing how shaky your theories were first time round,
1:14:28 > 1:14:30I don't give much for their chances this time.
1:14:38 > 1:14:41I suppose you're going to say that was found at the scene of the crime.
1:14:41 > 1:14:43Good luck with the jury.
1:14:43 > 1:14:47Actually, I borrowed it from your jacket pocket to light a candle.
1:14:53 > 1:14:54Forgot to put it back.
1:14:56 > 1:14:59Two from the same hotel - we thought it was odds-on we'd find you here.
1:15:01 > 1:15:04Well, certain facts, I won't try to conceal.
1:15:06 > 1:15:08Imelda - yes - my wife's sister.
1:15:09 > 1:15:14Gifted, sweet-natured, but far too trusting.
1:15:15 > 1:15:17Never saw through him,
1:15:17 > 1:15:19never saw it coming.
1:15:20 > 1:15:25That was his great gift, I suppose. The mask of innocence.
1:15:26 > 1:15:30Predatory, reptilian,
1:15:30 > 1:15:34and more than happy to bide his time.
1:15:34 > 1:15:38It turns out she wasn't worth quite as much as he thought,
1:15:38 > 1:15:43so he had no choice but to bail out early,
1:15:43 > 1:15:44and look elsewhere.
1:15:47 > 1:15:50So you've managed to keep close tabs on him all this time,
1:15:50 > 1:15:51and what happened next?
1:15:53 > 1:15:56You heard that he'd married again, to Alison.
1:15:56 > 1:16:00A young lady who stands to inherit a very large property and estate.
1:16:00 > 1:16:04What are the chances history's going to repeat itself?
1:16:04 > 1:16:07You're still looking for proof of Belkin's guilt, so maybe
1:16:07 > 1:16:10you'll catch something on one of your cameras that'll give him away.
1:16:10 > 1:16:14Clore's final stroke is your stroke of luck.
1:16:15 > 1:16:17You turn up on the doorstep,
1:16:17 > 1:16:20claiming the work's already been arranged.
1:16:20 > 1:16:23The nurse takes your word for it. Clore, by this time,
1:16:23 > 1:16:26is in no state to say otherwise.
1:16:29 > 1:16:31Or is he?
1:16:32 > 1:16:36Before he died that day, he did try to say something,
1:16:36 > 1:16:37with his eyes.
1:16:39 > 1:16:43Seemed to be staring, first at a mobile phone,
1:16:43 > 1:16:45and then at an open doorway.
1:16:48 > 1:16:51A doorway through which he would have seen...
1:16:55 > 1:17:00..the edge of a film poster, and the letter Y.
1:17:04 > 1:17:08Too hammy - do you think - even for the mind of Nathan Clore,
1:17:08 > 1:17:11to try and put those two clues together?
1:17:11 > 1:17:13To think that what he was actually trying to tell us was
1:17:13 > 1:17:16that the man standing next to him
1:17:16 > 1:17:17was a "phoney".
1:17:20 > 1:17:23When they roped you into that grave-digging job is when
1:17:23 > 1:17:25it all went south, I'm afraid.
1:17:25 > 1:17:28Spring-loaded phantom shoots out of an empty coffin,
1:17:28 > 1:17:30and disappears into thin air?
1:17:30 > 1:17:31I don't think so.
1:17:46 > 1:17:51Far more likely Surtees did leave instructions there, as we thought.
1:17:51 > 1:17:53A map, or a plan, or something,
1:17:53 > 1:17:57that led you down into that chamber, where it all fell into your lap.
1:18:02 > 1:18:07A means of disposal that was just nasty and ritualistic enough
1:18:07 > 1:18:10to tick all the boxes.
1:18:11 > 1:18:14We know he went outside to take a phone call.
1:18:14 > 1:18:17We can only guess who he thought was ringing him -
1:18:17 > 1:18:19certainly no-one he wanted his wife to know about.
1:18:24 > 1:18:27MUFFLED YELLING
1:18:48 > 1:18:51HE SCREAMS
1:19:00 > 1:19:05Prospects of it getting traced back to YOU are already pretty slim.
1:19:07 > 1:19:10And, with Alison there as a witness,
1:19:10 > 1:19:14there's even a chance that it'll be put down to the "evil forces"
1:19:14 > 1:19:15in the house...
1:19:17 > 1:19:18..if you believe in such things.
1:19:24 > 1:19:28Ah, well, my flight leaves at 11.
1:19:28 > 1:19:32I had thought of squeezing in a bit of supper, but maybe not.
1:19:38 > 1:19:41There WAS an evil force in that house.
1:19:42 > 1:19:44I think you'll find it's gone now.
1:19:51 > 1:19:53Shouldn't we...?
1:19:53 > 1:19:55Take a moment to reflect, before we rush to judgment.
1:19:59 > 1:20:03Nina's husband - remind me what he does again?
1:20:03 > 1:20:05He's a taxi driver. Why?
1:20:06 > 1:20:07Course he is.
1:20:08 > 1:20:10PHONE BEEPS
1:20:10 > 1:20:12Oh. Alison.
1:20:13 > 1:20:16Suggesting ten o'clock tomorrow for coffee.
1:20:18 > 1:20:19State she'll still be in.
1:20:22 > 1:20:23Can you imagine?
1:20:25 > 1:20:27- Yeah, here!- Ace!
1:20:27 > 1:20:29Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
1:20:29 > 1:20:31Yeah. One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two!
1:20:31 > 1:20:32What are you doing?!
1:20:32 > 1:20:36What the hell are you...? Leave that alone! Leave that...
1:20:39 > 1:20:40Oh!
1:20:44 > 1:20:46Weirdest thing, isn't it?
1:20:47 > 1:20:53The way you can feel about someone, that's so intense, and so real...
1:20:56 > 1:20:59..and now I have to tell myself that was all a lie.
1:21:08 > 1:21:10I suppose I always knew...
1:21:12 > 1:21:14..when I came back here.
1:21:16 > 1:21:17It's like...
1:21:19 > 1:21:22..my eyes were going to be opened to stuff you'd never want to see.
1:21:25 > 1:21:28The truth he spoke about in that letter
1:21:28 > 1:21:31troubled him every hour of every day.
1:21:33 > 1:21:37When I realised, for whatever reason, you hadn't read it...
1:21:37 > 1:21:40I don't know - was it my place to say something?
1:21:42 > 1:21:46And then...events just seemed to take over, and...
1:21:50 > 1:21:54Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.
1:21:54 > 1:21:57It was me that dragged you into all this, so...
1:21:57 > 1:21:59If I'd just been a bit smarter, in the first place...
1:22:01 > 1:22:03I'm sorry.
1:22:03 > 1:22:05He was a very clever man.
1:22:10 > 1:22:13Found his way into this no trouble, at any rate.
1:22:13 > 1:22:17I suppose it suited his purposes to keep me in the dark, until...
1:22:21 > 1:22:26Basically, what killed my mum and my sisters...
1:22:29 > 1:22:31I can't even try to pronounce it.
1:22:33 > 1:22:35You hear about these very rare blood diseases.
1:22:39 > 1:22:44This one was, like, only a handful of cases ever recorded.
1:22:44 > 1:22:45In the space of 18 months...
1:22:48 > 1:22:49Three lives.
1:22:51 > 1:22:55All down to some shared gene or other.
1:22:57 > 1:23:00And so unpredictable.
1:23:00 > 1:23:03There was no way of telling whether I'd last a month, a year, or...
1:23:07 > 1:23:09So, wow. You know?
1:23:10 > 1:23:13This place, for you, then, held only horrors.
1:23:16 > 1:23:19While there was still a chance you might have a life ahead of you,
1:23:19 > 1:23:21he felt the kindest thing was...
1:23:23 > 1:23:27Then, in the end, with his own time running out,
1:23:27 > 1:23:29and the risk you might be planning a family...
1:23:34 > 1:23:36So all those scary stories about...
1:23:38 > 1:23:41Little worlds you build as a child.
1:23:43 > 1:23:44You never really leave, do you?
1:23:49 > 1:23:51And now, obviously...
1:23:56 > 1:23:59# Ring a ring o' roses... #
1:23:59 > 1:24:03Can I ever bring myself to imagine what she had to go through?
1:24:18 > 1:24:20SHE GASPS
1:24:46 > 1:24:49SILENCE
1:25:05 > 1:25:10Leukocytes and lymphocytes. White cells and red cells.
1:25:11 > 1:25:15At five years old, what other sense could I make of that word?
1:25:16 > 1:25:17The haemoglobin...
1:25:22 > 1:25:26Just seemed like it had the power of life and death and...
1:25:28 > 1:25:31..whatever it was, one day it would come for me.
1:25:33 > 1:25:34It hasn't yet.
1:25:38 > 1:25:39Maybe it never will.
1:25:53 > 1:25:57It is a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done.
1:25:57 > 1:25:58Come again, Mr Creek?
1:26:00 > 1:26:03Ah, there you go.
1:26:03 > 1:26:05Well done. That wasn't easy.
1:26:07 > 1:26:10Listen, I really do appreciate this.
1:26:11 > 1:26:13What can I say?
1:26:13 > 1:26:15Yeah, this is definitely going to work.
1:26:15 > 1:26:18And I think, with the big ping-pong ball eyes...
1:26:18 > 1:26:19Oh, yeah, that'll be wicked.
1:26:19 > 1:26:20It'll be hysterical!
1:26:20 > 1:26:23Congratulations, congratulations,
1:26:23 > 1:26:27one and all, on a most splendid joint effort, if I may say.
1:26:28 > 1:26:31And I hope you'll all agree - the best man won?
1:26:31 > 1:26:32Oh, definitely.
1:26:41 > 1:26:42Definitely!
1:26:44 > 1:26:47Big improvement on your first draft, by the way.
1:26:47 > 1:26:49Phill Jupitus - not that well-known round here.
1:26:55 > 1:26:58Well done! Congratulations! First prize!
1:26:58 > 1:27:01Come on, Miss, have a photograph.
1:27:01 > 1:27:03You know there is a hosepipe ban in this village?
1:27:03 > 1:27:05LAUGHTER
1:27:08 > 1:27:09Looking for...?
1:27:10 > 1:27:13Oh, no, just a final rummage.
1:27:15 > 1:27:16All done now.
1:27:19 > 1:27:21Won't be sorry to see the back of it all.
1:27:24 > 1:27:28Little worlds you build, as a child.
1:27:28 > 1:27:30Hobgoblins. And pixies.
1:27:33 > 1:27:36I know. Those tiny letters your brother wrote.
1:27:38 > 1:27:41Probably found them all when I got older, you know,
1:27:41 > 1:27:43and just chucked them, like you do.
1:27:44 > 1:27:48To prove you didn't believe in fairies.
1:27:48 > 1:27:50He'd never have wanted me to keep them.
1:27:50 > 1:27:51No.
1:28:02 > 1:28:04You don't really think I liked wearing bras?
1:28:04 > 1:28:07Hey, we live in enlightened times.